When a guy stimulates another guy's prostate with his fingers while going
down on him, should the stimulation be gentle, firm, constant, or varied? Or,
all of the above?
I've read, and written, most permutations of the above, but what do you find
to be most erotic? Or, does this vary from one encounter to the other?
I've have to say all of the above, or whatever makes him squirm the
most. Personally I don't like fingers, they just aren't big enough. I
want the real thing.. But in my experience with other guys, some like a
gentle fingering, others like two or three applied with enthusiasm.
First contact should be gentle, as sudden sharp pressure on the gland
can cause either immediate orgasm or sharp pain, depending on the
Question: This is a question about identifying other gay men. The penalty for
asking the wrong man for sex is pretty high - how does one gay man identify
another? I mean what specifically does one look for?
Actually there's a secret handshake. I could tell you what it is, but
then I'd have to kill you...
No, really, the hackneyed saw about "It takes one to know one" has a lot
of truth to it. Once you've faced the truth about yourself and looked
that deep into your own psyche, you can recognize the signs of this
journey on other's faces. Something in the eyes, the tone of voice,
subliminal body language, word choice, intonations, posture, all these
things and more add up to set your "gaydar" blaring. Some of these
things are cultural (there's a great website called "Eurotrash or
Queer?") and based on our learned behaviors. Does he stand a little
closer to you than straight men are supposed to? Hold eye contact a
fraction of a second too long? Is he standing in a gay bar and playing
with your nipples? (Though actually even this last isn't always 100%
There's also the "cruise". That elusive look in his eyes that says "Hi
there. I want to tear your clothes off and fuck you till your head
Basically, there is no *one* thing to look for (unless he's wearing pink
triangle jewelry or a pin that says "100% Queer"). But once you know
*how* to look, the signals are there.
Sorry I can't be more specific, but it isn't an exact science. It's
more a gestalt thing.
1)What is it (in gay porn) about white socks and construction boots, anyway?
2) If you could eliminate one misconception from all m/m slash everywhere,
which one would it be?
Well, you wouldn't wear *black* socks with construction boots, would
Construction boots are kinda the Marilyn-Monroe-high-heeled-come-fuck-me
pumps of gay porn. They're one of those things that make a guy even
more of a guy, like 501's or a big bank account. Besides, the costuming
requirements of your average gay porn flick are pretty minimal, so a lot
of the guys just wear their own clothes.
Secondly, it wouldn't be an actual sex act that I'd try to eliminate. It
would be the unfortunate tendency of so many writers to ascribe female
emotional reactions to male characters. Men and women have very
different coping strategies, and ways of expressing their feelings. All
humans have similar feelings, we just use different mechanisms to deal
with them (which in guys often means not dealing with them at all).
1. After anal intercourse, when the 'pitcher' pulls or slips out,
does the 'catcher' feel a sense of loss?
2. During anal intercourse, does the 'catcher' derive emotional fulfillment
from the sensation of being physically 'full' or 'filled.'
3. I've read stories in which the characters 'feel complete' as a result of
being connected through anal penetration. Do you know whether this is a
common experience? If so, do the men feel less 'complete' as a result of
participating in other acts?
4. On Senad recently we've had a thread going about the quanities and force
of ejaculate. I've read stories in which the characters' 'fountains' spew
about a meter, splattering hair [the ejaculator's own], the copiousness
impressive, to say the least. So the question: Can you say something about how one
could be realistic when describing the quantities and trajectories of ejactulate?
5. And finally, can you discuss the taste of semen? I've read stories in
which it is described as 'salty,' 'sweet,' or 'bleachy,' depending on the
author. I would describe it as metallic. And a related question is ... is it true
or folklore that what one eats affects the taste of semen? So if Sandburg
and Ellison both drink beer ... their semen would taste ... bitter? Or what?
1. I don't know as I'd call it "loss", but you definitely feel emptier.
Especially if it's been a good pounding.
2. Tricky question. As I've mentioned earlier, sex isn't always about emotion
for men. Sometimes it's just fullfilling a physical craving. Though
even then there's the emotional fullfillment of being wanted, of
physical contact and of pleasure given and received.
If we're talking about sex inside an emotional relationship (like J/B),
then yes, I suppose the catcher would get an emotional charge out of it.
But it's not just the specific act of having a cock inside you, it's the
whole shebang. Guys either like getting fucked and consider it a normal
part of their sexual arsenal, or they don't like it and don't do it.
3. Ok, we're gettind into some deep issues here. Some people take sex more
seriously than others, attaching a greater or lesser degree of
importance to the act depending on their own phycholgical make-up. So
for guys who are prone to this, and with the right partner, I can
certainly see them feeling "complete" in this way. It also depends on
how much importance they place on that particular act. For some of us
it's something special, for others it's not. So if he places a high
premium on getting fucked he might feel less connected or complete when
only doing something else. But I don't think this is real common. Most
guys are more casual about sex, especially gay men.
4. Semen production varies from man to man, and from time to time in each
guy. Some guys cum gushers that hit the ceiling, others spurt out a few
little dribbles. If he hasn't gotten off in a while, or the orgasm is
especially intense, there'll be more and it'll fly further. But since
bigger is better, all guys in porn/erotica/slash cum like gysers... Just
another piece of literary license.
and 5. As for the flavor, it is slightly affected by outside factors.
Cigarette smokers are more bitter, asparagus will impart a *really*
nasty odor, and so on. Just like what we eat changes the way we smell
(vegetarians sweat different than carnivores), only not as immediate or
as strongly. But mostly it's based on each persons unique biochemistry.
I have a question - I thought KY was water-based. Am I wrong?
That's the new KY (kinda like New Coke, or New Ray). The old stuff used
to come in a little tube like Blistex and was petroleum based. For many
years it was the lube of choice for gay men, enough to become like Xerox
or Kleenex, a brand name that turned into a generic word for the
product. Then came HIV and condoms and we couldn't use it anymore... so
what does the company do? Come out with a water-based version. And
they say we're invisible..
"Until there was you..."
A lot of scenarios in slashfic revolve around the
premise that the hero of the tale is resolutely
heterosexual until he falls for his male
roomie/partner/friend/enemy. Some fic will have
our hero experience panic, denial, self doubt and
recrimination, while in other cases he'll jump
into a homosexual relationship head first and
never look back. In your experience, which
scenario is the more prevalent?
"And only you..."
Oftentimes, a subset of the "until there was you"
fic is the part where the hero confirms to himself
and to the reader that *only* his
roomie/partner/friend/enemy engenders this change
of feeling or awareness in him. How likely is this?
How likely is he not to notice and/or respond to
the charms of others once he's grown comfortable
with and accustomed to the new feelings and
sensations? (I'm not saying he'd cheat on the love
of his life, but not to notice that, say, Rafe is
a fine specimen of a man and idly wonder if you
could make him sing out your name like a Broadway
star aiming to be heard in the back row seems like
a natural offshoot of this newly awakened sexuality.)
Would the "only you" scenario be more prevalent
with a man who has discovered this new
direction in his sexuality later in life? Would
he be more likely to fixate on the person who
brought about this change in perception and
attraction than would a person who has had some
inkling earlier in life that he could be
interested sexually in other men?
For the "First Guy" part of this scenario, I would definitly think the
panic reaction would be more likely. Sexuality is such an integral part
of the way we picture ourselves, and so much of a man's ego (and we all
know about those...) is tied up in his prowess as a "male" (ie: how many
women he's had, how virile and studly he is, etc., ad naseum) that this
sort of basic alteration is unlikely to happen smoothly.
As for the "Only One" subset, I'd think the fixation on the one
particular love object would be proportional to the amount of panic the
hero had suffered. The more unflexible his self-image was, the more
likely he'd be to alter it only enough to accept this one particular
There's a fair amount of gay fiction with this theme as well, but in all
my experience and among all my friends and aquaintences over the years
I've only come across one case in real life. A buddy of mine fell in
love with his straight best friend, who eventually came to reciprocate
the feelings. They lived together as lovers for about 3 years (though
the "straight" guy never did get comfortable with people knowing about
them and would never take the receptive role in sex) before the
relationship expired in one of the most spectacularly vulgar displays of
childish recriminations and drama it's ever been my misfortune to
I don't think either of these scenarios are terribly realistic, but we
are writing "fiction" after all, so let's chalk this one up to "Willing
Suspension of Disbelief" and leave it at that. To write slash at all we
have to make some very basic assumptions about the characters, and pick
and choose very carefully just what bits of canon we will use and which
will be pitched out the nearest window.
Coming out is a traumatic and life-altering event. Even in the 90's,
when it's *much* easier for teens to come out than it used to be, there
are still people who either don't realize or don't accept their
sexuality until their 20's, 30's or 40's. Perhaps they have had
experiences and/or desires, but suppressed/repressed/denied their
bisexuality/gayness. Then along comes the guy who is so insistantly
*THE RIGHT ONE* that it becomes undeniable. The beloved, instead of
being "the first and only", is rather a catalyst for the lover to
realize/accept/express the feelings he has always had.
I'm going to go out on a limb here (and I'm sure someone will e-mail me
the saw to cut it off), and say that the "first/only" scenario as so
often seen in slash is more believable between women than men. Guys
tend to be more linear about sexuality; you're either Straight or you're
Not, and there's *very* little room in between. Among my women friends
(and perhaps this is a non-representative sample, but it's all I have
to go on) the definition seems more fluid, with lots more room for
The mother of a good friend of mine, after two failed marriages, met the
woman who has become her "life-partner" at the age of 56. She had never
had a lesbian experience before then, and had never really thought she
would. Then the "Right One" came into her life... and after a little
panic and lots of processing, they moved in together, got married and
adopted about a dozen cats.
Either way, we write about our guys out of love and because we want to
see them together. There are as many different ways of getting them
together as there are writers, and the true test isn't in the "reality"
of the scenario, it's in the characterization.
Oh man, this is the *best* Minotaur. I've laughed my ass off
reading your replies. I have a 'slash' question and a general attraction question.
What position would you say is the most popular for anal sex and for what
reasons? My second question; are gay men as hung up on haircolor as het? I have
been by degrees curious, puzzled, and disgusted since my teens by the
behavior/reactions of het men toward blond women. For no other apparent reason,
blondes seem to always get the old 'double take'. (Nothing against blondes I'm
just curious.) Thanks for the fantastic site!
Thanks for the compliments, I hope you didn't hurt yourself... my
insurance company would be very displeased with me if I caused a visitor
Regarding positions, I don't think there's one universally popular
favorite. Everyone has their own personal preferences. I tend to like
it face down, as I get leg cramps after a while in the missionary
position. One of my exs' prefered being bent over a chair, another
liked squatting or sitting on it best.
As for blondes, I'm going to tentatively say no, gay men aren't as hung
up on them as straight guys are. I think it's because there's this
idealized female sex-object (the Bimbo) who has been mostly represented
as a blonde (and I'm not even going to get started on how men objectify
sex or we'll be here all night). Among gay men the equivalent is "The
Twink", who is not necessarily blond, but is young (in the 18-22 range)
and slightly built but buffish. Think Backstreet Boys and you'll get a
pretty good idea of what Twinks look like. So yes, we have a type that
predominates the market, but no, it's not necessarily blonds.
Blarney stone asks,
When I first started writing slash and posting it to the Due South lists, a
number of male readers thought that I was a guy because my stories tended to
be a bit on the outrageous, humourous side instead of smoochie, kissy romantic
Do you think that women have a tendency to over-romanticize stories?
Are we fatally infected with Harlequinitis?
Harlequinitis is rarely fatal, though usually dibilitating and always
annoying for the nearest and dearest of those afflicted. Luckily, it is
a relatively easy condition to cure. The patient must simply be forced
to watch "Love Story" for 48 consecutive hours while listening to
Barbara Streisand's version of "People Who Need People". The only
unfortunate side-affect of this treatment is a complete and total
withdrawal from all reality. Spontaneous combustion has also been known
Lots of fiction that I've read has two guys coming by just
rubbing their erections together between their bodies (no hands). How common is
this in reality?
This is actually known as "The Princeton Rub" and some guys find it very
exciting. You can add a little lube or oil, or just do it dry, either
way it can easily lead to orgasm. It's probably more common as a prelude
to intercourse than as an end in itself.
Lady Rhian asks,
Question: I have a copy of the “Joy of Gay Sex”, published sometime in the
late 70’s. What I’d like to know is, do real gay men actually use all those
positions (the X, etc.)? Or is it all the writer wanting to show off?
Dear Lady Rhian,
Most guys aren't very adventurous and stick with the basics, doggie,
missionary, bent-over, while others get athletic and experiment. Some
of the more Kama Sutra postions are pretty rare... and I've never done
the X or the Crab, but then again I have tried a couple that weren't
listed in the book. Everybody has their own personal favorite, the one
that feels most comfortable to them or gives the greatest pleasure and
as we get older we get less flexible (both physically and
I've used something that's not on your
list as a lubricant in a couple of my stories and I'd like your opinion
on the use of it. The item in question is soap. I know it will sting but
the one it's used on likes a little pain with his pleasure and it is
slippery and definitely clean. So, what do you think?
Soap's fine in a pinch, I've used it on occasion, but I wouldn't suggest
using it on a regular basis. The lining of the rectal canal is actually
fairly sensitive, and soap can dry and irritate it. It also doesn't
stay slippery for long enough (at least not long enough for me....)
How quickly does an erect penis get hard,
and how quickly does it soften after orgasm? (or, for that matter, if you
don't have sex, what happens to it?)
Dicks have minds of their own. Sometimes they pop up at the worst
moment and get hard instantly, other times they just lie there sound
asleep no matter how much you want to play. Some guys stay hard for a
long time after orgasm, others go soft quite quickly. And if you don't
have sex, it eventually goes away. Blue balls are just a myth made up
by horny boys to get girls to put out.
Ok, not to give anything away here, but say a guy only has one arm,
thanks to a bunch of Siberian peasants who were only trying to help. How
feasable is it for him to put a condom on his partner using his mouth (and maybe
his remaining hand)? Also, taking balance into consideration, which
positions, besides missionary, do you think would be possible in this case? Top or
bottom -- I haven't decided yet, but I'd like to get a little creative, if I
can... Oh, one other thing -- how prevalent is biting in real life? Shoulders,
nipples, inner thighs, asses, whatever... is it pretty common, or another
(quite tasty) slash myth?
Well, since you were so non-specific...
Despite the fact that safe sex educators do the "putting a condom on a
bannana with your mouth" demonstration regularly, unless you're one of
those people who can tie a knot in a cherry stem with your tongue, it's
dammed near impossible to do in real life. Once you get it over the
flare of the head, you can roll it the rest of the way down, but getting
it to that point takes fingers.
Hmm, postions that are possible with only one arm.. I can't remember,
was it cut off above or below the elbow? As either top or bottom he
could do face down (either flat or butt-high), bent over a piece of
furniture, standing and bent, sideways, sitting, squatting, in a sling,
on a bus, with green eggs and ham... The only one that might not work
is doggie-style, depending on where the arm ends.
Biting: Personally I love it. A little nibble here, a nip there,
chewing on his neck... works for me. Most guys I've been with enjoy it
to one degree or another, with some variation in how much pressure they
can take. A few don't like it at all, but you can put it in, by all
means without worrying that it's unrealistic.
found something exciting about having sex standing up with the two partners
facing each other. My question is: is it possible? Would they just be
jackhammering away? Could one enter the other, maybe with the support of a wall and the
skills of a gymnast? Or is it too silly for words?
Standing up face-to-face doesn't allow for entry. You can do the
Princeton Rub (just rubbing them together till you come) or Oxford style
(interfemoral or between the thighs), but actual anal entry isn't
Unles you're doing it in a doorway with a gymnast, in which case he can
wrap his legs around your waist and support himself by pressing against
the doorframe and hanging from the lintel. Then you can pound away to
your heart's content, or until his arms get tired.
One word: nipples. Forgive me if you've covered this somewhere
else, but do they tend to play a big part in gay sex? How sensitive are they in
guys, or does it vary? In your experience, is it possible for a guy to come
just by having his nipples played with? (and yes, I know I'm guilty of already
having written this!)
Nipples are like being ticklish. Some people are *real* sensitive,
others might as well be made of marble. They don't really do much for
me, despite having one pierced, but I once dated a guy who could be
brought to orgasm just from nipple play. So pick a point somewhere
along the spectrum, and write away.
Is it true that when having anal intercourse, it does not last as
long as having vaginal intercourse? I've heard that because a rectum is
tighter than a vagina, then it's over pretty quick. I would be inclined to say that
it depends on the top's stamina, but I want to know what you think.
You're right, it depends on the top. Some guys are
wham-bam-thank-you-Sam, others last hours and hours and hours. If
you're lucky enough to find one of the latter, grab him and hold on!
In many slash stories involving anal sex, once
the action is over and the penetrator's erection
softens, it's "shoved out" by the other man's
anal muscles. Given that you said (in response
to Maryl's question) that you've woken in the
morning with him still inside, I'm assuming this
is incorrect, but I wanted to make sure. Is the
slash convention completely wrong, or is it a
matter of degree or the participants involved?
It's more a matter of how much you move around afterwards and how
"experienced" (read: loose) the bottom is. I tend to sleep like the
dead, and having been around the block a few times have developed a fair
amount of control over the muscles involved.
If you've got a guy who isn't all that experienced, or is tense, his
anal muscles will push the dick out once they're done. After all,
that's what those muscles are used to doing. But if you're comfortable
with your body you can control them.
I'm mainly involved in the TS fandom, and have noticed
that "first time" stories are very popular. But writing a first sexual
encounter seems tricky, especially if you perceive the participants to have been
previously inexperienced in m/m sex.
What I want to know is what kinds of "awkwardnesses" are typical of 'first
encounters'? What are the sorts of things that can go wrong when novices try
anal intercourse for the first time?
The first time I had anal sex, I had to make him stop a bunch of times
because the pressure on my bladder made me think I had to go to the
bathroom... you get used to that pretty quick though. Other than that,
it really depends on how relaxed and ready for it the bottom is. The
less comfortable he is, the more problems can crop up. The worst is
just being too tense to allow for entry. The occasional muscle cramp
can also put a damper on things.. most guys aren't used to keeping their
legs up in the air for very long.
I am wanting to know if it is possible, pleasurable, or both,
for this situation
to occur. A man is doing a woman against a wall. Can another man come up
behind him and enter
him from behind while all three are in standing posistions at the wall?
(What can I say...I'm
weird and athletic.) Thanks for any and all help provided.
Weird? Nah. This position is actually a staple of bi-smut vids. The
guy in the middle should be leaning over at least a little bit to make
insertion easier, but otherwise it's very doable physically. Go for it.
I know this is a stupid question, but do girls have
a prostrate gland? And as part of that same question
(in case the answer is no)
I wanted to know if girls can also enjoy anal sex
the way guys do?
Nope, girls don't get a prostate gland, sorry . It's one of those
guys-only things (and there's nothing the Supreme Court can do about it,
either). As for women enjoying receptive anal sex, I didn't think so
until I started building this site. During my research I spoke with a
number of women who have experienced it and enjoyed it immensely,
including one for whom it is the activity preferred above all others.
Since there is no prostate gland to be stimulated in women, the
sensation must be different, but also pleasurable.
Little Alex asks,
Anal sex, on the receiving end, first time. How
badly does it hurt? I've read being really
painful with tons of blood to only very slight
discomforts. So, what the truth?
Dear Little Alex,
Depends on how nervous the bottom is. My first time didn't hurt at all,
it just gave me the feeling I had to take a leak (pressure on the
bladder..). If he's unwilling, yeah, it could be *killer*, but if he's
relaxed and comfortable, and most important, *not afraid*, it can be
The latest convention (or bit) in stories has the aroused guy's
dick getting heavy as something arouses him - the beginnings of an erection, I
guess is what I'm saying.
Does your penis feel heavy when you start to get aroused? Or, for that
matter, when you've got an erection? I mean, how realistic is this really?
Yep. Normally it just sort of hangs there, not really doing anything.
As you get aroused and blood starts to fill it up, it gets heavier, more
sensative, and you become more aware of it. If you're naked, you can
feel it begin to swing, and hang lower. If you're dressed, your pants
get tighter, more confining. Once it's fully hard, it holds itself up,
but while it's getting there it definately feels heavier.
Beats. Are you even familiar with the word?
I have asked a few American friends and they don't know it. I
just got asked, "As in beets, the vegetable?". *sigh*
Here, there are specific places, mostly in the cities - public
toilets, alleys, parks etc - which are known as beats. They are
public, outdoor places where men go for quick, anonymous sex.
It's not the same thing as glory holes, but there are sometimes
glory holes at the beats. If that makes sense.
And would all Americans know about the
baths? (We hardly have any here, so most Australians wouldn't
have a clue.)
Okay, now I'm on a roll and I've remembered
another question I had. Moving while joined. It's pretty do-able
when the man's fucking a woman, but if he's fucking a man I'm
guessing that moving the party, say, upstairs, would be a
of awkward angles and pressure in all the wrong places. Even
if the fuckee is smaller than the fucker. Am I right, wrong,
and if it can be done, how? We are talking J/B here, so
the fucker in my instance is probably strong enough to support
the fuckee's weight in some fashion.
The 'male psyche' stuff I mentioned earlier was
mainly a frustrated rant about the proliferation in slash of
lovey-dovey, sweet, earnest, emotional discussions, and the
question, "Are you fucking SERIOUS?!?" *grin*
Okay, I'll be nice. But I DO want to know if, in reality, men
nice loving thoughts but rarely say them, or if they rarely think
them but say them whenever they have them, or if they don't ever
think nice things at all, but say them sometimes just to get
in the good books.
Ah, yes. We have these in the States as
well. Certain area of public parks, stretches of isolated beaches,
some rest stops on highways. Generically they don't really have
a name, though you can find them listed in Damron's Gay Guide
as "Cruising Areas". Each one usually has it's own
name, like the area of the woods on Fire Island called "The
Meat Rack", as in a place where the guys are displayed like
cuts of beef to be picked off the shelf. San Francisco has Collingwood
Park, near Castro, which is affectionately referred to as the
"Fruit Loop" (a kind of kid's breakfast cereal in the
States), New York's Central Park has "The Rambles",
Provincetown has "The Dunes" and "The Reeds",
while LA's Giffith Park is famous all by itself. If the site
is a public restroom, it's called a "tearoom" (same
as the British).
If you're going to use one in a story,
it's probably best to give some description of the site and make
up a name for it.
I'd say at least 90% of gay men know about
baths and beats, and probably a majority of the "cool"
population, but most 'danes wouldn't know them from a hole in
the ground (which is kind of the point).
For the movement issue, if J&B were doing
it missionary style, with Jim on top, he could conceivable pick
Blair up and carry him somewhere else without too much trouble
(except for a real possibility of severe back strain...). If
they start out doggie style, or standing-up-bent-over (with either
one as top) some movement, walking around, etc., isn't too hard.
For major changes in location though, like from bedroom to kitchen
floor, normally you'd disengage, move, and start again.
Now we're getting into some fairly sweeping
issues, and keep in mind that the views expressed here are my
opinions based on my experiences, and other people may
have very different views.
Men are funny creatures. We're taught to
be stinting in our praise, and reticent about our emotions. We
certainly feel, and think, strongly about emotional issues, but
we aren't really taught the tools to express them well. Most
men (and do remember that this is a broad generalization, and
there are certainly exceptions) won't openly express their feelings
in flowery phrases (though occasionally quoting Shakespeare can
win you *BIG* points). It's more in the little things, in how
we say it. We're also expert in saying two things at the same
time, sometimes expressing two completely opposite ideas in the
Gay men are somewhat more forthcoming about
their feelings, but not that much. We attain a certain amount
of emotional freedom when we come out, but still carry a lot
of the cultural baggage we were saddled with as boys.
When writing guys discussing emotional
issues, or giving compliments, subtle is best.
1. How much lube is applied on average
for anal sex (given variations of size and what have you.) Are
we talking a quarter-sized dollop? Silver dollar? And I am asking
about per penetration.
2. There is a fanfic convention I've used
and seen often, during foreplay, where the round of one partner's
knee is used to gently stimulate the other partner's genitals?
(Either standing or laying down.) Workable or is it very unlikely?
It isn't really a scientific measuring
system, not like baking a cake. The usual method is to just sort
of glop it on till it feels slippery, then shove it in. The bottom
will definitely let you know if more is needed...
Actually, it depends on a lot of things,
how big the top is, how experienced/eager the bottom is, if the
condom is lubricated, if it's the first time or sloppy seconds,
the brand of lube (if you're even using a commercial brand and
not something grabbed out of the 'fridge), how slippery you like
it, how concerned you are about the state of your sheets (many
lubes will stain) and so on.
On average though, I'd say between a teaspoon
and a tablespoonful will do the job.
For your second question, yes. I can see
doing this (*very* gently...) while making out, but I think it's
more a fic convention than a reality. I can't recall ever doing
it myself, or having it done to me.
More realistic is for a guy to rub himself
on whatever body part is available to him, kinda like a dog.
Knees, thighs, elbows, it doesn't really matter. What matters
is the pumping motion and the feel of something, anything rubbing
up against your dick.
OK, question on endearments. If you have
two guys "in love," having sex, and maybe in a committed
relationship, how likely are they to use romantic endearments,
and how mushy might they be? "Lover" seems too functional,
"baby" and "babe" seem a bit more realistic
but not too loving, and "Honey," "Sweetie,"
"Sweetheart," and "Love" don't strike me
as guy-type endearments. Any suggestions for endearments that
seem to ring true?
Guys can be just as revoltingly squishy
with endearments as gals. Baby, honey, snookums, shmoopy, lambchop,
wriggle-bunny, boo-boy and huggy-bear are just a few of the things
I've been called by one guy or another. Any couple will come
up with stupid pet-names for each other after a while.
True, it's not common to use endearments
with a guy you've just picked up. Unless, of course, you don't
remember his name.
Gay men do use terms like 'sweetie' and
'honey' more casually than straight guys, especially among themselves,
but it's no longer in that stereotypical lispy manner. It's just
a verbal shorthand that can mean anything from "Hi"
to "Fuck Off", depending on the intonation.
So use whatever names you use with your
own honey, or pick something that you think is totally revolting.
1) Is it painful when your partner pulls out after anal sex?
Some stories mention it, others don't.
2) Do guys even stay in their partners after anal sex to cuddle
for awhile or do they pull out as soon as they are done?
1) Usually it's just a minor twinge, not
nearly as painful as initial entry, and if done slowly and with
care may not hurt at all (especially if you've used lots of lube).
It does make a funny popping noise though...
And 2) Depends on the position. Missionary
style isn't good for this kind of cuddle, leg cramps are a real
mood killer. Face down or sideways is much more likely. The feel
of man just laying on top of you, filling you up and breathing
gently in your ear as you both calm down... I've actually fallen
asleep in this position, and woken up the next morning with him
During the act of penetration, it is normal/usual for the
bottom to lose his erection, if only temporarily? If so, is it
due to pain or just a normal physiological response?
Depends on the guy. Some men loose their
erections while getting fucked, some go to a sort of half-mast,
others stay rock hard the whole time.
Erections are funny things. Some guys go
up and down throughout an encounter, others get rock hard immediately
and stay that way till (or even after) they come, others think
ahead and spend their rent money on Viagra.
They are very in tune with our emotional/mental
state, though they also have minds of their own. It's not uncommon
for a guy to be totally turned on and into his partner, while
his cock stays asleep. Or the opposite, where he's not into it
at all, but his "little head" is wide awake and reading
Does an orgasm caused by prostrate stimulation cause ejaculation?
I was informed that it was a 'different' type of orgasm.
It can. Orgasm purely by anal stimulation
is more rare than a regular orgasm, and (in my experience) more
intense. It doesn't always include ejaculation, and can happen
more than once. I've only experienced it a couple of times, but
when I did it was multiple times.. and blew my socks off. More
common is the bottom jerking himself or being jerked off while
Some people don't even believe this kind
of orgasm is possible, they just haven't found the right top
Anyway, I have three questions. The first one is more 'regular'
simply wanting to know what do *you* think of us, the female
slash writers? Do you sometimes shake your head at the fantasies
/love scenes we describe, or maybe does it even turn you on?
I'm just wondering....
My second question concerns the 'injury level' that could
arise from anal sex. I've read many stories where they act quite
rough, the bottom is sore the next morning, stuff like that.
I'm also in the process of writing a story and I would like to
know when it really happens that it comes to 'injuries', minor
or major, what would be the best procedure to 'tend' them? What
problems can occur?
Last but not least, what about hygienic issues? With all due
respect (no offense intended!!!!!), anal intercourse takes place
where people are usually reluctant to talk about. I once read
an recommendation, for instance, that you should always use condoms,
no matter if you're faithful to your partner, and also always
use those 'first-aid' gloves when you penetrate your partner
with your fingers. How's the reality?
First, I've talked about this at length
with the few other male slash fans I've encountered, and the
consensus seems to be that the good writers get it right, and
the poor writers don't. Part of being an author is being able
to put yourself into someone else's head. Torch springs instantly
to mind. The one trend that most annoys/amazes/disturbs me is
that of writing one character as the "wife", or feminizing
him. Men and women have differing approaches to relationships
(a fact which has been the basis of hundreds of romance novels).
Some authors write male characters with female emotional responses.
As for the sex, frankly I don't read slash
for the sex. If I want smut, I can walk down the road and rent
a vid. I like slash for the insight into the characters, for
the chance to see a character I like written so I can identify
with them, for the chances slashers will take that TPTB would
never dare. Some of the sex scenes I've read have gotten me hot
and bothered, but mostly I just skim them. Men tend (this is
a broad generalization, with no value judgment attached) to be
more visually oriented, wanting to *see* what's going on.
Second, minor tearing can occur even with
the most gentle of lovers. It's not unusual to clean up afterwards
and find traces of blood. However, like most mucous membranes,
the anal tissues heal very quickly and serious injury is rare.
Usually no medical or first aid is required. Normally the bottom
won't even be aware of it.
That feeling of "soreness" can
actually be quite invigorating, although only in the more extreme
occasions does it last till the next morning.
And lastly, (this seems to be a very popular
question)yes, we're talking about an area of the body considered
'unclean', but cocks and vaginas are also used for similar purposes,
but we aren't quite so uptight about them. With minimal hygiene
the ass is definitely clean enough for an unprotected finger,
dick or even tongue. Condom use is necessary for health issues,
not hygienic ones.
What is the reason for enemas? I have read that it is for
both cleanliness and aesthetic reasons. Assuming condom use would
eliminate the first reason, is there really an aesthetic reason
Yes there is. Shit stinks.
Seriously, simply using a condom doesn't
eliminate the need for cleanliness. After the act, pulling out
a brown stained condom is every bit as unpleasant as without.
The aesthetic is to prevent unpleasant smells. It's also important
to be clean if you want to get rimmed. Enemas aren't always needed,
it depends on how full the bottom is. Some people like the feeling
of being emptied out this way and make it a part of their pre-sex
Just what does being inside a rectum feel like? I've read
it described as 'hot', 'tight', 'smooth', 'velvet', 'gripping',
etc. Truth or literary license?
Can you feel muscles clench around your cock if the bottom
squeezes? I've read this described as a moving cock ring.
How necessary is douching or an enema to each partner's pleasure?
What's the pc term, anyway? Do most bottoms do this before anal
1) Mostly true. The inside of a man is
all of these, and more. Being inside a guy, looking down at his
face as you slide gently in and out of him...his body willingly
open to you. It's incredible.
2) Only the outer sphincter. There are
muscles inside the rectal canal, for peristalsis, but they aren't
strong enough to provide that kind of sensation. If the bottom
is experienced and into it, he can squeeze that outer ring muscle
to provoke a greater response from the top.
3)See above. Usually it's referred to as
"douching" or an "enema".
With anal sex how many times in one given evening can a normal
healthy guy take it ? and the reverse -- how often can a guy
give it to his partner?
Depends on the guy. An inexperienced or
uptight guy might only be able to get fucked once in a night
before he gets too sore. Someone with more experience or who
is more comfortable could conceivably get fucked many many times.
It also depends on the style. One fast hard fuck might be the
limit, but slow and gently could be accommodated many times.
My personal best is 8 times in one evening (well, it extended
into the next day, but you know what I mean) before I had to
call it quits.
As for the top; Most men slow down once
they're past their teen years. Usually one load a night is the
limit. Again, it depends on the guy. I've met men in their 40's
who are capable of coming many times in a short period. Testosterone
plays a large role in stamina and regeneration time. The more
you have, the less time you have to rest between bouts. The most
I've ever seen was 6 times in a row, with about five minutes
"down" time between (and he was 32! A veritable rabbit).
Richie(HL) could probably cum 4 or 5 times in an encounter, but
Jim(tS) might only be good for one.
Is it really true that when the 'bottom' is in the throes
of orgasm, his internal (anal?) muscles contract around the 'top's'
penis [during anal intercourse]?
So *many* fanfic writers include this little tidbit in their
sex scenes that I started to wonder [as I always do].
Like the ubiquitous "simultaneous
orgasm", this is a literary convention prevalent not just
in slash but throughout gay erotica. The muscles involved in
ejaculation aren't the same as those controlling the anal sphincter.
When the bottom cums, the top doesn't actually feel it through
his dick. Except, of course, for those times which include writhing,
flailing and falling off the bed.
Similarly, the bottom being able to feel
the "hot flood filling his guts" is also a myth. There
are no nerves inside the anal canal, for one thing. For another,
semen is actually slightly cooler than body temperature. Even
I am guilty of using this, and while it may be poetic and romantic,
it's doesn't really happen.
Oh well, they may not be true, but they
do make for a better story.