“Christ.” Bones muttered as he took in Jim’s bruises and scrapes and Jim’s dead eyes. “I’ll kill him, green bastard.” He took a hypo and injected Jim with it, then ran a device over Jim “ recording all of his aches. “What the hell did he do to you?”
“I’m fine.”
“Of course you are, that’s why you’re in my sickbay getting treated after -…”
“After some very hard sex.” Jim spoke softly. Bones hesitated, then set down the machine.
“After that bastard raped you.” Bones corrected gently. Jim looked up at him. He leaned towards Bones who immediately and carefully hugged him.
“I’ve had a lot of sex in my life Bones. I don’t knows why this is so different. I don’t even know if it’s rape anymore, if I want it to be anything different.” He admitted slowly, as if saying it hurt more than anything else.
“Rape and sex aren’t the same thing Jim. You’ve had a lot of sex before. You weren’t ever raped. It’s completely different. It’s okay to be confused. Just, don’t try to mix the two up. It will eat you alive.”
Jim tensed at Bones’ reasoning. He knew his friend was only trying to comfort him, but he intimately knew the difference between rape and sex. And despite Bones’ statement that he only knew sex, Jim had known both before. He knew how to differentiate between the two.
“Jim?” Bones asked, noting the tension.
“I know the difference Bones.” He bit out a bit more harshly than he intended. “Believe me I do.”
He drew back and looked at Bones, who was staring at him “ almost as if Jim had suddenly and quite inexplicably turned his world upside down and broken it apart with just his words. Maybe he had. He closed his eyes in sudden shame. It hadn’t been his intentions to let Bones ever suspect, let alone ever say anything about it to him. The man could be a damn mother hen when he wanted to be. And it was private. Something of the past. He’d gotten past it. He had, but the last few weeks had been hard on everyone. Even Jim. Maybe even especially Jim.
“Jim, I…who… Jim.” Bones said anguished.
“I’m fine.” He spoke wearily. “It was a long time ago. And they’re all dead now.” He tilted his head. “Mostly.”
Bones’ arms came around him and held on tight, regardless of his bruises. Jim found that he didn’t really care about that. It felt good to hold his friend like this. He had missed him, maybe even more than he had known.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Later.
Spock was waiting for him when he returned from Bones. Sarek was there too, but the older Vulcan merely nodded to him. Sarek stood and left “ leaving them alone in their quarters. There had never been such a silent tension between the two of them “ not even in the beginning.
Spock looked at him and Jim almost couldn’t bare meeting that intense and all-seeing gaze.
“I do not wish to physically hurt you during sex beyond what is pleasurable for the both of us ever again.”
Jim swallowed. It seemed they were really going to talk about this. He sat down on the chair across from Spock’s.
“Alright.” Jim spoke. “That’s very reasonable.”
Spock’s jaw clenched.
“I do not appreciate you using me to hurt you in such a manner. However, I was remiss not to notice that you were deriving no pleasure from our joining.”
Jim blushed slightly.
“Yeah, well, I didn’t want you to see.” He spoke honestly. The talk with Bones had done him a world of good. He could at least be honest. It was one of the few things he had left.
“You did not tell me I was hurting you beyond your endurance.” Spock stated calmly, yet his eyes were hard. “This shall not happen again.”
Jim looked down at his hands. He hadn’t really thought about the fact that Spock could mind hurting Jim in such a way. But then again, this entire situation was fucked up beyond all reason.
“Will it?” Spock demanded slightly harsher.
“No.” Jim said, raising his eyes. “It won’t.”
The Vulcan nodded and stood. He made his way over to Jim and sat down next to him. Jim turned to face him. It was strange how sitting closely together could feel so much more intimate than everything else they had done together. It still made Jim uncomfortable on some level.
“You had your injuries treated by doctor McCoy, I trust?” Spock asked, taking his hand in his. His fingers brushed Jim’s and a slight spark between their two mind left him slightly breathless.
“Yes. Bones fixed me up.” In more ways than one he thought, remembering the conversation he had had with his best friend. He wasn’t ashamed to say he had cried.
“You trust your McCoy.” Spock said. Jim looked at him and could see the jealousy there. But for the first time, he could also see the vulnerability buried beneath it. He cleared his throat.
“He’s my best friend.” He ignored Spock’s stiffening figure. He knew it was a sore spot with the Vulcan for some reason. “I need him, Spock. Don’t take him away. I don’t think I could take that.”
“He is your friend. I will honour that.” Spock spoke. “My father is also courting him. He shall remain within our clan and thus shall not leave our presence.”
Jim nodded, ignoring how he felt about Sarek with Bones. At least Bones was being courted slowly. He was given time to get used to it. A flash of their first time together “ Jim on his knees with his mouth full of cock “ threatened to overwhelm him. Spock’s grip grounded him, however, bringing him back to the present.
“I never meant for you to feel degraded. I merely meant for you to submit to me “ to belong to me as I belong to you “ to share ourselves in all that we are. You are my t’hy’la.”
Spock looked defenceless as he said that.
“T’hy’la?” Jim asked. A rush of memories he had gotten during the mindmelt with the other Spock bubbled up in his mind, but he couldn’t untangle them “ they were far too mixed up. “What’s that?”
Spock slowly brought his hand up to Jim’s face, placing his fingertips across the points appropriate for a mindmelt. Their eyes met and Jim nodded.
Suddenly the world exploded as two minds met. Suddenly he was Spock as he explored the ship of the other Spock in the days before the new legislation was proposed. That other Spock lost to them as well. It would be illogical to ignore the wealth of information hidden in the ship’s database. Tactical information could help them in their struggle to survive. Weapon information would prove most useful in their dealings with hostile races, trying to encroach on both their territories. They needed to be prepared. It was only logical.
It was less logical that he was drawn to researching about his other self and his James Kirk. He couldn’t seem to help himself. Especially since he had found a database filled with historical facts about the two of them. He read about their many missions “ the bond they shared. Spock and his t’hy’la James Kirk. He found James Tiberius Kirk’s captain’s log. He found the other Spock’s personal diary, filled with facts and emotions. Sharing it with this Spock until the understanding between that other Spock and his Kirk left him aching for the same thing.
Not even the strongest emotionally suppressed Vulcan could resist the lure of a t’hy’la “ not even a hypothetical one. And Spock wasn’t the strongest Vulcan left alive when it came to guarding his emotions “ he didn’t even come close.
As they drew back from each other, Jim gasped. He looked at Spock, who looked hopeful “ so hopeful.
“I’m not him.” He whispered.
“No.” Spock said pleased. “You are mine.”
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