Fox Mulder rolled over and patted the bed beside him, automatically seeking out his lover. The spot normally occupied by Walter had already grown cold in his absence. Mulder sat up and listened to the tell tale sounds from downstairs in the kitchen. Walter was making breakfast and from the wonderful smells, it was French toast and bacon. Not the usual Skinner-Mulder fare, but it was a special occasion and they did have guests.
Mulder stretched languidly a moment and then headed for the bath attached to the bedroom, he would shower later but he couldn't face the world without brushing his teeth first. Mulder finished brushing and then pulled on a t-shirt and a pair of jeans and headed for the stairs. He paused outside the guestroom Alex and the twins were in.
'I wonder if Alex is up?' Mulder quietly turned the knob and cracked the door open.
Alex was sitting on the bed and the twins were lying on the bed between Alex and Scully. She was talking to Alex in hushed tones but Krycek looked up when he heard the door and gave Mulder a shy smile then ducked his head afterwards. Scully smiled at her ex-partner whose head was still the only thing visible from behind the door.
"Good Morning, Mulder. Alex and I were just about to take Samantha and Michael downstairs. Walter and Randy set up the bassinets in the kitchen earlier so we could all have breakfast together." Scully scooped up Michael and handed him to Mulder, then picked up Samantha.
"Alex, do you want to get dressed first?" Mulder took in Alex's appearance. He still looked tired and hadn't changed out of the pajamas they had dressed him in the night before. Alex wasn't wearing his prosthesis and the pajamas were too big. Alex looked sweetly rumpled and impossibly young.
Alex gave a small nod. Mulder had hoped Alex would be more talkative this morning, but it appeared nothing had changed. He was still uncommunicative, and wouldn't meet Mulder's eyes.
"There are some sweats and t-shirts in the bottom drawer of the dresser. You get changed while Scully and I will take the twins down."
As Alex started to get off the bed, his abdomen screamed in protest. He couldn't hide the grimace of pain that crossed his face.
"Do you need help getting dressed?" Mulder didn't fail to see Alex wince in pain. Alex shook his head and walked gingerly towards the bathroom, he was determined not to be so dependent now that his head was no longer fuzzy from the drugs the doctors had given him the night before.
"Alex, call one of us, if you need help getting down the stairs. Okay?"
"Okay."
Mulder waited until he heard Alex's quiet reply before he closed the door and joined Scully at the top of the stairs.
"How is he this morning Scully?"
"He's sore, which is normal after a c-section. Don't expect much out of him today, Alex has been up and down feeding and checking on the twins all night, he'll probably nap most of the day."
"I wasn't expecting anything, but I was hoping for a little more communication. At least more than nods and one word answers. We have a lot to talk about and it's hard when Alex is as communicative as a rock."
"Mulder, that's not fair. This has been an overwhelming ordeal, both on Alex's body and mind. You and Walter need to be patient and not push."
Scully let out an exasperated sigh. Mulder was not known for his patience and he always pushed, no matter the consequences. She had hoped her constant reassurances to Alex would help ease his nervousness, but if Mulder started pushing, Scully feared Alex would withdraw even further inside himself.
The two strolled into the kitchen and put the twins in their bassinets. Mulder leaned in and gave each baby a kiss, then walked over and hugged Walter from behind. Skinner was standing at the stove scrambling some eggs. He paused from the food preparation to kiss his younger lover.
"Morning. Fox."
"Good Morning. I missed waking up with you."
"I thought you might want to sleep in a little besides, with this crowd, I needed a little head start on breakfast. Where's Alex?"
"He's getting dressed, I'm sure he'll be down in a minute."
"Is he okay getting down the stairs by himself?"
"Scully told him to call one of us if he needs help." Mulder snagged a piece of bacon and was munching happily as he poured himself a cup of coffee. Mulder leaned on the counter and watched his sexy older lover busy at the stove.
Skinner was dressed in a pair of tight faded jeans, a personal favorite of Mulder's, and a blue knit polo. He looked nothing like the stern Assistant Director and, although Mulder loved Walter in a suit, this was his favorite look next to naked.
"You think Alex will ask for help?" Skinner gave Mulder a pointed look, obviously he didn't think Alex would ask.
"Why wouldn't he? Oh, right." Mulder set his coffee down on the counter and grabbed another piece of bacon. "I'll go help him"
Alex had paused half way down the stairs. The jarring of his body as he made each step down caused more pain in his incision than he had thought it would, and he wanted his damn arm back. It wasn't in the bedroom and neither Scully nor Mulder had offered to return it. Krycek felt naked and vulnerable without it.
'Maybe you should just ask for it,' a rational little voice whispered, but Alex ignored it, in favor of brooding.
"Need help?"
Alex flinched at the unexpected voice from the bottom of the stairs. He hadn't heard Mulder approach and it made him realized his assassin's senses were off. He hoped it was temporary and maybe just lingering effects from the drugs the night before. That coupled with his missing arm made him feel even more vulnerable.
He was too worn down and weary to try and convince Mulder that he was doing fine on his own. The fact he was hardly moving and breathing harshly proved he wasn't fine.
"Yes." Alex responded timidly.
Mulder walked up the stairs and put his arm around Alex's waist, careful of the incision. Alex's body tensed slightly and then he relaxed, leaning in and accepting Mulder's support.
Krycek made a small attempt to move out of the embrace when they reached the bottom of the stairs, but Mulder wouldn't let go.
Mulder escorted Alex to the kitchen table. Walter had finished placing the breakfast out and Scully was busy pouring everyone coffee and juice. Mulder seated Alex in the chair next to the twins.
Alex eyed his plate filled with French toast, eggs and bacon. Scully was pouring him a glass of milk instead of coffee. He wanted coffee, he hated milk, unless it was steamed and frothed in his coffee.
Alex didn't want to voice his displeasure, he was afraid to appear ungrateful, so he turned sideways in his chair to fuss with the twins.
"Alex? Are you not hungry?"
"You need to eat."
"Alex, you need to keep up your strength for Samantha and Michael."
"If you don't like what I've fixed, I can fix you anything you want."
'God, would they all just shut up and leave me alone.' Alex didn't know how much more he could take before he snapped. He knew they were just concerned, but it felt like he was suffocating and spiraling out of control.
If one more person told him to eat, he was going to scream or put a butter knife to their throat.
Scully watched as Alex's back tensed more and more as they each spoke. She couldn't believe after warning Mulder not to push, she was doing it herself.
Scully raised a warning hand to the others for quiet.
"Alex?"
"Can I have my arm?" Alex voice was subdued but carried a hint of anger. He hadn't turned back to the table, so he missed their astonished faces.
Mulder didn't say a word, but went and retrieved Alex's prosthesis. He returned to the same tense scene he had left.
"Here."
"Thank you." Alex set the arm across his lap and he turned to face the table. He didn't need the arm to eat, but finally having it back in his possession helped his disposition.
Alex picked up his fork and began eating the French toast but ignored the eggs and bacon. He stopped eating to take a sip of juice and pushed the glass of milk away when he set the juice back down.
The rest of the table had remained quiet, except for the sounds of glasses and cups being set down and utensils hitting plates.
"Breakfast was delicious, thank you," Alex softly announced. He had finished the French toast and juice, clearly not planning to eat anymore.
Mulder thought he was going to get dizzy from the whirlwind of emotions Alex had displayed. He glanced over to Scully as if she held the answer to everything.
Scully just shrugged. Mulder and Skinner had gotten a good taste of how Alex would be for a few more days,....moody as hell.
Scully finished her own plate and thanked Chef Skinner. She and Randy would return in the evening to check on Alex and the twins, but they did have a clinic to run and it was getting late.
She gave Alex her cell phone number and extracted his promise to call her if he had questions or needed to talk.
Mulder bristled a little; Alex needed to be talking to him or Walter, not Scully, that was going to have to change.
But for the next few weeks nothing changed.
~~~~
Mulder was tired of being patient, and he had been patient. In fact, for Mulder, it had been a marathon of patience and he had reached the finish line.
It had been over three weeks since the twins were born, and Alex was still hiding out in the guestroom, only coming downstairs to eat in virtual silence. Alex hadn't initiated any conversations, just answering their questions, mostly with a nod, shake or shrug.
Skinner had asked about Krycek's activities while he was pregnant. Alex answered with the efficiency he had shown on his reports back when he was in the FBI.
Alex recounted his meetings with Jeremiah Smith and the Resistance and their decision to escalate their efforts to stop the invasion. Mulder pointed out, Alex had put himself and the babies at risk. Krycek insisted that he had been in no real danger, because Smith was a healer. Skinner countered with the fact Smith wasn't always with Alex.
Krycek explained his need to handle the operations his own way, like he had always done; stating Mulder's and Skinner's way would have slowed him down. He emphasized his plan was to stop the Oiliens and finish destroying the consortium before the babies were born.
Mulder argued it would have been easier with their help, but Alex pointed out they had their hands full with all the files and information he had sent them. Mulder insisted that Alex should have included them. Alex stood his ground against their barrage of questions, but never once looked directly in their eyes.
Not long after, the two older men had decided enough was enough and it was time for Alex to move from the nursery to their bed.
Krycek had been willing enough, responding to their touches appropriately, but without the expected passion. Alex had lain submissively face down on Skinner and Mulder's big bed, spreading his legs and offering himself.
Walter and Mulder thought it had felt too much like having a whore in their bed, just someone doing a job for rent, not someone who truly wanted to be there. Walter had stomped out and went downstairs for a drink, Mulder went into the bathroom and slammed the door. Neither man bothered to confront Alex or tell him why they were mad.
Alex didn't move from his position for a long time. He knew he had messed up, but he wasn't sure how. Despite Scully's assurances that the two men loved him, they had not said anything when they approached him for sex.
Alex had been willing to have sex with Mulder and Skinner, but he wasn't willing to fool himself that it was anything more. At least until he knew they did indeed love him. Alex didn't need hearts and flowers, but he at least wanted to hear the words.
Neither Walter nor Mulder had given him a clue whether the invitation to join them was permanent or if he was just extra spice for one night.
Heartbroken at their rejection, he went back to his room and started talking to the twins. Alex poured his heart out to the infants, he couldn't call Scully about it, she would just tell him to talk to Walter and Fox. He told the babies how much he loved Fox and Walter, how much he wanted to please them and be the kind of man they could love.
Mulder and Skinner had both returned to their bedroom and overheard Alex's husky voice tell the babies that he would do anything to make their other fathers let him stay.
Mulder had looked at Walter, his face showing his anguish at Alex's words. Skinner embraced his lover, assuring him they would try harder to show Alex he belonged with them.
His patience worn thin, and armed with Alex's own words he had overheard, Mulder decided it was time to force Alex to talk about their situation.
"What can we do, Alex? Tell us. Walter and I have bent over backwards to make you feel welcome here and yet you still don't talk to us. You flinch every time we try to touch you. You talk to Scully, and hell, you even talk to Samantha and Michael, but not us."
"Fox."
"Don't, Walter. I'm tired of being patient."
"Are you using us again, Alex? Is this all just an act? Is our home a convenient place to keep our children? Would you even be here if it not for the twins?" Mulder knew he was being irrational and cruel, but he needed to force Krycek into a confrontation.
"No," Alex whispered, he was shaking his head in denial but he still wouldn't look Mulder in the eye.
"No what? No you're not using us? No you don't want to be here? What is it Alex? What do you want?"
Alex was visibly trembling, his hand clenching and unclenching. He couldn't tell them, he couldn't let that last wall down and expose himself to the hurt.
Alex shook his head in denial, but the dam inside was breaking. "Hell, Mulder, I'm still staying in the nursery with the twins, you haven't even bothered to give me my own room. You keep saying 'our home', yours and Skinner's, I don't really have a place here."
"Oh, Alex, that's not true." Mulder interrupted in a soft loving tone.
Alex raised his head defiantly to deny Mulder's words and to finally face Mulder's anger head on.
But Mulder's face only showed a deep sadness Alex had only seen once before, when Scully was dying in the hospital after her first abduction. Not even when Mulder's father was murdered had Mulder seemed this grief stricken.
Alex's emotional wall crumbled faced with Mulder's desolate eyes. He leaped onto Mulder, wrapping his arm around Mulder's neck and kissing him like his very life dependent on it.
This was what he wanted. What he had always wanted, from the first time he offered his hand to Mulder when he was assigned as his partner. This was what he had wanted the night before Weikamp, but settled for just kissing Mulder's cheek. What he had wanted, but not gotten, the night they had sex.
Mulder staggered back into the wall from the force of Alex's aggressive kiss, but started responding immediately. Mulder wrapped his arms around Krycek's waist and lifted him further into his embrace.
Alex deepened the kiss and clung desperately to Mulder. Mulder needed to breath and it felt like Alex was trying to crawl inside of him. Mulder moved his hand up to Krycek's shoulders and tried to break the kiss and calm him down.
Walter moved in behind Alex and replaced Mulder's hands on Alex's waist. Skinner gently tugged Alex away from Mulder, causing Alex to whimper at the loss. The loss was short lived however when Walter turned him around and Skinner covered Alex's lips with his own.
Kissing Mulder had been like finally capturing the brass ring, but Walter's kiss was like coming home.
Alex felt a warmth spread through his body and melt the last of the fear griping his heart. He loved these two men, each filling a part of him that had always been empty.
Walter moved his hands to Alex's face and ended the kiss. He forced Alex's face up and he looked into Alex's eyes and saw them completely unguarded and open for the first time.
"Is this really what you want Alex?"
Alex nodded.
"Say it, Alex." Mulder had moved in closer behind Alex and trapped the younger man between Walter and himself.
"Y-yes. W-what I've always wanted. I-I love you. B-both of you."
Walter captured Alex's lips again and Mulder buried his face in Alex's soft hair and nuzzled his neck. Skinner wrapped his arms around both younger men, leaving no space between them. Alex had finally admitted his true feelings, not just what they wanted to hear nor what he thought they wanted to hear.
Alex could feel Walter's heartbeat against his chest, they were pressed so close, and could feel Mulder's breath in his ear as Mulder whispered, "Alex, I love you."
It was all too much to absorb, Alex felt his legs weaken and give out, but he didn't fall. He was firmly sandwiched between the two men and they would never let him fall again.
Skinner broke the kiss and laid his head on Alex's shoulder whispering, "I love you, Alex Krycek."
The three men stood holding on to each other, no one willing to let go first.
"Please." Alex's voice broke through the silence.
"Please what, baby?"
"M-make love to me."
"Always." Mulder and Skinner replied simultaneously huge grins plastered on their handsome faces.
Walter loosened his embrace of the two younger men, but kept a supporting arm around Alex's waist. Mulder leaned in gave each man a quick kiss.
"I'll lock the doors. Walter, why don't you help Alex upstairs?"
"What about Samantha and Michael?"
"Alex, you fed them less than an hour ago, they should sleep for a little while. Besides, we have a baby monitor on our night stand."
"Then..."
"Yes, we overheard you talking to the twins. We didn't mean to eavesdrop, and only heard part of what you were saying. It was an accident and we made sure you had privacy after that."
"What did you hear?"
"That you would do whatever it takes to stay."
"Do you think? Do you still think I'm using you?" Alex pulled away from Walter, his eyes shimmering with unshed tears.
Walter grabbed hold of Alex's hand and pulled him back into his arms. He gently started rubbing small circles on the younger man's back and cooing softly. Scully was right, they weren't communicating their feelings enough.
"Baby, we didn't know what to think. You weren't talking to us and we, well we thought we had made it clear we wanted you, but I guess we forgot to tell you the most important thing. That we love you."
Skinner nudged Alex towards the staircase, he purposely took it slow, both for Alex's sake and because he wanted to wait for Fox, so they could all go upstairs together.
Alex was about to make love with Walter and Fox and he felt as nervous as he did the first time he had sex. He stopped just inside the bedroom, staring at the bed and remembering the last disastrous time.
He felt hands slip across his shoulders and down into this shirt caressing his chest. Alex couldn't stop his moan of pleasure. The hands lightly caressed his nipples causing his whole body to convulse.
Mulder placed his hands over Walter's and increased the pressure on Alex's nipples, causing Alex to let loose another moan. As Walter slowly removed Alex's shirt, Mulder decided to take a nibble. Alex's nipples were warm and slightly hard and very sensitive, no doubt from the nursing.
"Stop Fox, that's for the twins."
"They need to learn to share, best to start early." A cuff to the back of his head from Walter did stop him.
Alex felt like one giant over sensitized nerve, both men's' touch sending fire through his veins. He didn't realize he was undressed, until he found himself lying on his back staring up at Walter and Fox's faces.
"How do you want us, Alex?" Walter was running his big hands up and down Alex's thighs, while Fox was nibbling his neck.
"I want you both." Alex whimpering and trembling from head to foot, coherent speech was becoming a thing of the past.
"Baby, you have us, just tell us what you want." Mulder nuzzled into Alex's ear.
"You and Walter, at the same time." Alex's back arched off the bed as Walter ran his fingertips along his groin. "Please. In me."
Walter's hands stilled their exploration. Surely Alex couldn't mean what it sounded like. "Shh, I don't think any of us are ready for that." He started caressing Alex's stomach, trying to calm him down. "Why don't we let Fox go first? Would that be okay?"
"W-would you hold me then?"
Skinner stretched out along side the younger man and reached over to roll Alex face down on top of his broad chest. Hooking his legs around Alex's, he shifted him up slightly, letting their hardened cocks settle in between them.
Moving in behind Alex, Mulder started kneading the soft white ass presented to him. Walter reached over and retrieved condoms and lube from the nightstand, handing them to Mulder, then capturing Alex's lips again.
Mulder gently prepared his younger lover; Alex was as tight as Mulder remembered. He rolled on the condom and slowly began to penetrate Alex's anus, pausing only when Alex tensed and continuing when he felt him relax and adjust.
He took his time, caressing Alex's passage with gentle thrusts. Mulder could feel Alex's body tense with his oncoming climax, he wanted to make it last but he had waited so long for this moment.
With each stroke from Mulder, Alex's cock caressed Walter's, creating a delicious friction.
Alex reared his head back and moaned, his cum pulsing out over Walter's chest. The look of pure ecstasy on Alex's face spurred Walter into his own orgasm.
Mulder lasted only a few more thrusts, it felt as if Alex was milking him dry. He collapsed across Alex and Skinner, unable to move momentarily.
"Fox, get up, I love you, but you're not going to use me and Alex for a mattress."
"Mmmm." Mulder rolled over, taking Alex with him. It took him a second to realize Alex had passed out. He grinned at Walter. "I am so good." Then he proceeded to fall asleep.
Walter lay awake, watching his two young lovers. As he dropped off to sleep, he felt Alex press his nose into his neck and give a little contented snuffle. Walter reached down and interlaced his fingers with Mulder's and then placed their hands on Alex's hip.
Alex snuggled into Walter's chest, breathing in the warm musky smell. A little cry sounded over the baby monitor, Samantha was awake first, as usual, wanting to be fed. Alex carefully tried to slip out of Walter's arms, but Fox was nestled up behind him and he had nowhere to go.
Left with no other choice, he gently shook Walter's shoulder, trying to wake him.
"Walter, I need to get up. The twins are hungry." Skinner just tightened his embrace, not really waking up.
"Walter, wake up. I want to go feed Samantha and Michael."
Skinner's eyes blinked open. Two huge, green eyes were staring him in the face and it finally registered what Alex was whispering. Walter rolled the younger man across the top of him and shifted Alex to the edge of the bed.
"Do you need any help?"
"No, I can handle it." Alex was already on his feet when he noticed Walter's disappointed expression. He had kept feeding the babies privatly due to his own embarrassment, but he realized now, it was denying Walter and Fox of a part of their babies' lives.
"But, I would like your company."
Walter beamed up at Alex, then nodded his head over at Fox, who had started to inch toward Walter in Alex's absence. With Alex's okay, Walter shook Fox awake.
"Fox, come on. Alex wants us to help feed the twins."
"What?"
Alex snickered, "Maybe we should let Fox get his beauty sleep."
"No way, I wouldn't miss this for the world." Fox Mulder scrambled off the bed and trailed happily behind the other two, ready to greet his children as a whole family for the first time.
THE END
Perceptions by Laura