"God, Jim, I didn't know it could get this bad," Blair panted. He was on his knees, leaning over the toilet. "There's nothing left to come up."
Jim rubbed his back in gentle circles. "Ready to try a little water?"
"No!" Blair retched, as dry heaves overtook him once again.
"But you need to keep up your fluids or you'll end up back in the hospital for dehydration. You know how Lynne'd slap my hands if I let that happen."
"Back off!" Blair growled. "I so do not need my Blessed Protector right now!"
Jim recoiled, stung by the sharp words. "I was just trying to help," he said softly.
Blair turned and sat on the floor, his back supported by the toilet bowl. "I know, Jim, I'm sorry. I just feel so shitty right now, and it makes me bitchy. I'm really glad you're here with me." He noted the disbelieving look on his lover's face. "Honest." He leaned forward to crawl across the floor, placing a peck on Jim's cheek and wrapping his arms around the man's shoulders.
Jim made a move to kiss Blair, but his lover pulled back. "You really do not want to taste my mouth right now," he laughed. "Let me brush my teeth."
He made a move to stand but the room spun and his knees gave way. Strong arms wrapped around his waist and steadied him, lowering him onto the now-closed toilet seat. "You okay?"
"Just a little done in by the nausea, I guess." Blair sighed and slumped his shoulders.
Jim knelt in front of him, resting his hands on Blair's knees. "Is there anything I can do? Anything at all?" He looked up into misted blue eyes. "Sometimes I feel like this is all my fault. I could have been the one."
"No, Jim, you couldn't. You can't get time off your job the way I can. You couldn't stand to be idle, while I've got my dissertation to work on. And," he looked Jim in the eye with a ghost of a smile, "I'm a whole lot younger than you."
"But the nausea?" Jim persisted, refusing to rise to the bait.
"Will go away with time, or so Lynne says," Blair assured him. "Meanwhile, do you suppose you could help me into the living room? I think I'd like to lie down on the couch."
"Sure thing, Chief." He swept Blair up in his arms, surprised that he seemed lighter than he remembered.
"Thanks." Blair settled himself on the couch, pulling his knees up to his chest in an effort to ease the sickness. "You think carrying me is hard on your back now," he teased, trying to lighten Jim's mood, "just wait seven months."
"When you blow up like a balloon, you'll be on your own," Jim chuckled. He perched on the edge of the couch and began rubbing soothing circles against Blair's back once again.
"Mmmm.... That's nice," the anthropologist murmured, snuggling into the touch.
"Feel better?" Jim leaned over to kiss Blair's cheek, then smoothed some fly-away hair from his face.
"A little," Blair said, his voice soft. "It comes and goes."
"Have you been able to keep any food down today?" Jim was worried that his lover seemed to be losing weight, instead of gaining.
"Some crackers this morning."
"That's all?" Jim was aghast.
"I really haven't felt much like eating, Jim," Blair explained. "Even thinking of food makes me nauseous."
"I'm going to get you some orange juice, and I don't want any arguments. It will increase your blood sugar and help replenish your fluids. You need to keep drinking, even if you can't eat. I don't want you passing out on me the next time you try to stand up."
Blair looked a little green when Jim returned from the kitchen with a tall glass of cold juice. He set the glass down and helped pull his reluctant partner to a sitting position. The world swam before Blair's eyes, and he grabbed his head to stop the spinning.
An arm immediately wrapped itself around his shoulder, and the glass of juice was pressed into his hand. "Drink," Jim ordered.
Blair sipped with lackluster enthusiasm, setting the glass down after drinking less than a fourth of the contents. Jim sighed and pulled his lover into an embrace. "I know this stinks, Sweetheart. You're so brave, so strong. I can't believe you're doing this for us... having our baby." Blair snuggled into his arms, content, for the time being, to be held and nurtured.
Ten weeks previously--
The Caitlin Infertility Clinic:
The office had the sterile appearance of so many doctors' offices. Blair shifted a bit uncomfortably in his seat, even though the chairs were richly cushioned. Jim reached over and patted his hand, smiling reassurances. "Nervous?"
"Yeah, a little. I know we talked about it, but this just makes it all seem so real, you know?" He looked around the office at the degrees hanging on the wall, at the family photos artfully arranged on the desk. "This is a big step. I don't know if I'm up to it."
"My Blair, not feeling up to a challenge? That'll be the day," Jim chuckled.
"But you're not the one who's going to have to put up with swollen ankles and an expanding waistline! I read the brochures, man, and this is not something to be taken lightly." Blair sighed, staring down at his hands.
"If you're having second thoughts, Blair, we don't have to do this. I don't want to push you into anything."
"No. No, I want to do this, Jim. Really, I do. It's just an awesome responsibility, you know?"
"Yeah, I know," Jim agreed just as the office door opened. A handsome woman dressed in a gray suit and a white doctor's smock entered the room.
"Good morning, gentlemen," she greeted, holding out her hand to the couple. "I'm Dr. Casey, but you can call me Lynne."
Both men had risen at her entrance.
"Hello, Doctor." Jim took the proffered hand and shook. "I'm Jim Ellison, and this is my partner, Blair Sandburg." Blair shook her hand in turn, and Lynne sat down.
After both men were seated, Lynne opened a folder on her desk and looked at it briefly. She smiled and looked up at the couple. "So, you've decided you want to add to your family. May I ask why you're going this route, instead of trying adoption?"
"Well," Blair began, "despite the fact that gay couples are gaining more recognition, there's still a stigma attached. Most adoption agencies don't want to give a child to a same-sex couple. They feel a baby needs both a mother and a father."
"And you feel differently?"
"Oh, yeah! I was raised by my mom. She handled it all by herself, and I admire her for that. I never had a father in my life, and I think I turned out all right."
"'All right' is a relative term." Jim smiled mischievously. "But I agree. Blair and I are both capable people, and we're more than able to nurture a child. I don't see that the parents' gender should play a major role in child-rearing."
"Looking at your records," Lynne indicated the folder, "I don't disagree. So, you've decided to try our option instead?" She smiled as the two men nodded. "Well, then, let me explain the procedure a bit.
"First, we take an egg from an anonymous female donor. Using micro-technology, we remove the DNA from the nucleus of the cell." She paused to look in the folder on her desk. "I see you've decided that Mr. Sandburg will be carrying the baby?"
"Yes." Blair nodded in agreement.
"Well, Mr. Sandburg..."
"Blair."
"Well, Blair, we'll start you on hormone injections about a month before we implant the embryo. This will allow your body to adapt, and make you better able to carry to term. We'll then extract the DNA from one of your X-chromosome bearing sperm samples and inject it back into the egg. Next, the egg is placed in a dish along with several others and a sample of Jim's sperm is introduced. Hopefully, nature will take its course, and one or more of the eggs will become fertilized. The beauty of this procedure is that the resulting child will be truly yours, both of yours, genetically."
"Cool. I really like the sound of that, don't you, Jim?"
Jim smiled at the excitement in the young scientist's voice. "Yeah, that's great," he agreed.
Lynne continued. "We'll take one of the fertilized embryos and implant it in your abdominal cavity just under the peritoneum," she told Blair. "This will result in what is essentially an ectopic pregnancy. We'll need to keep you on high levels of estrogen and progesterone, especially during the first trimester, to ensure the embryo attaches properly and begins to grow normally. After that, the pregnancy itself should take over, and your body will produce the hormones on its own. We'll monitor the hormone levels carefully, supplementing if necessary. I should warn you, the possibility of hemorrhage is high, especially in the first three months. Chances are, if the pregnancy ruptures, you'd bleed to death internally before you could even get to a hospital." She looked at each man in turn, assuring herself they understood the risks. "There's one other thing to consider. Because of the high levels of hormones you'll be receiving, you'll probably develop breasts. I hope that won't be a problem." At Blair's look of distress, she added, "It's only temporary, during the pregnancy, and while you're on the hormones." Blair released a sigh, looking somewhat relieved.
"Ah, come on ... breasts. Think about it." Jim leered at his partner.
"Would you please get your mind out of the gutter and concentrate here a bit, Tarzan?"
"You calling me an 'ape man'?"
"If the shoe fits...."
Lynne recognized the nervous byplay for exactly what it was, a way to cope with the overwhelming implications of what these two were about to embark upon. "You're also going to go through all the ups and downs of any pregnancy," she added, "such as early trimester nausea, aching back, flat feet, that certain 'waddle' pregnant women are so famous for. I'd highly suggest you go home, discuss what we've covered here today, and see if this is really what you want to do. It's a big step, and entails high levels of risk. You should both be certain before we continue."
She smiled to ease the mounting tension in the room. "Now, do either of you have any questions?"
Blair looked up from examining his fingernails to look at the doctor. "You said you'd try to fertilize several eggs, yet you're only implanting one. If more than one embryo develops, what happens to the ones you don't implant?"
"That's a very good question, and I'm glad you brought that up. Unless you have objections, the remaining embryos will be frozen. That way, if anything happens and you lose the first implant, or should you decide to have a second child later, the embryos will be there for the procedure."
"What about the ones that we never use, though?" Blair persisted. He had rested his elbows on the edge of the doctor's desk and was leaning toward her, a worried look on his face.
"The dispensation of the remaining embryos is up to the parents. They can be frozen indefinitely, or they can be destroyed."
Blair gasped in alarm at the revelation. "No...."
"Please, Mr. Sandburg, don't be concerned. It will be your choice--yours and Mr. Ellison's. Of course, you can always donate them to other infertile couples or to research."
Blair sat back and resumed the study of his hands, which were resting in his lap. "It's our decision," he clarified.
"One hundred percent yours," Lynne assured him.
"Okay, then," Blair agreed. He looked up at Jim, who nodded.
"I think we need a little time to talk this out," Jim told the doctor. "We'll make another appointment for next week to let you know our decision."
"A wise choice, gentlemen. Should you decide that this procedure isn't your cup of tea, please just give us a call, and we'll cancel your appointment. It was very nice meeting you both. Good luck with your decision. It's a tough one, I know." She smiled and extended her hand once more. Jim accepted and shook, but Blair was nervously pacing near the door.
"I think I'd better get him home," Jim said, nodding his head toward his lover.
~oO0Oo~
"Maybe this isn't the right method for us, Blair," Jim argued.
"What other method is there? You honestly think some agency will let us adopt? You're not planning on going on the black market? Jim, you wouldn't!" Blair looked worriedly over at his partner.
"No, of course not, but think about it.... You could die. I'm not sure it's worth risking your life."
"Every woman who has ever had a baby risked something, too. My risks are just a little higher."
"A LITTLE? Listen to yourself! We're talking major surgery here, not to mention the hormones. Do you have any idea what female hormones are going to do to you? Do you?"
"Yes, Jim," Blair tried to answer calmly. "I've been reading up on it and I do know. I'll be moody; up one minute, down the next. My body is going to change, but that's a given. I may lose some body hair. I'll probably develop breasts. I may even start to lactate in the later stages. As disgusting as that sounds, I still want to do this." He paused, staring Jim down. "Don't you?"
"I'm just worried about you," Jim explained. "You understand that, don't you? You're the most important thing in my life. I don't know what I'd do without you. Of course I want the baby. I'm just ... just...."
"Worried, yeah, I know." Blair wrapped his arms around Jim's waist and rested his head against his lover's shoulder. "But it's going to be all right, you'll see."
One week later:
Doctor Lynne Casey looked across her desk at the couple. "It's good to see you again. I take it you've come to a decision?"
"We discussed it," Blair informed her, "and decided to go through with the procedure."
"Very good. We can start you on the hormones today, Blair. We have donor eggs on hand, so there should be very little delay. We'll get the semen samples today, before your production is limited by the hormones," she explained. "Do you have any other questions, before we get started?"
Blair turned to Jim and raised his eyebrows. Jim looked back, shaking his head slightly. Blair nudged him in the side with an elbow until, finally, Jim spoke up. "What about sex?"
Dr. Casey smiled. "You know, that's probably one of the most frequently asked questions by any couple considering a pregnancy. Generally, for heterosexual couples, as long as nausea and fatigue don't get in the way, there's really very little reason to abstain. In your case, however, because the chance of miscarriage is high, I counsel my patients to wait until at least the fourth month. Then, if you both feel comfortable, and everything else is going as planned, there's no reason to restrict your activity. Blair may find intercourse difficult after the eighth month, but whether you decide to abstain from that point on will be totally up to the two of you."
Jim reached across the small space separating them and squeezed Blair's hand. Turning back to the doctor, he asked, "So when can we get this show on the road?"
"How about right now? Blair, I'd like you to come in here," she stood, indicating the door to an examination room. "I'm going to give you a quick physical, start you on the hormone regime and then ask you to collect a semen sample for me."
"And the surgery?" Jim asked as Blair rose to enter the exam room.
"Well, the procedure for implanting the DNA and then fertilizing the eggs takes about a week from beginning to end. Blair should be on the hormone treatment about four weeks to get his body receptive to the implantation. We'll freeze the eggs and semen samples until he's begun his fourth week of injections. After that, everything should be good to go." She handed Jim a cup and smiled. "The bathroom is that way. There are magazines, if you need the inspiration."
Jim gave her a caustic glance, but took the proffered cup and turned in the indicated direction.
Four weeks later:
"You ready for this?" Jim held Blair's hand as the gurney was wheeled toward the surgery suite.
Blair gave Jim's hand a weak squeeze. "As ready as I'm gonna get," he whispered, groggy from the light anesthesia he'd already been given.
"I'll be here when you wake up," Jim told his lover as he stood by the swinging double doors and watched Blair disappear behind their impressive bulk.
~oO0Oo~
"How are you feeling?" Jim hovered over the ghostly pale form in the hospital bed.
"Sore," came the soft response.
"That's to be expected." The voice of Dr. Lynne Casey sounded from the doorway. "You just had major abdominal surgery. We'll have you up and walking the hallways by this evening, and, if you behave yourself, you can go home in two days." She walked over to the bed.
"The surgery went very well. I don't foresee any problems with this pregnancy, except for the normal discomforts you'd expect. I do expect you to take it extra easy the next couple of months, though. I'm not ordering bed rest, but I do expect you to restrict your activities. Nothing even remotely strenuous." Blair nodded his agreement. "Feel any nausea yet?"
"No," Blair answered, not feeling up to long conversations.
"Well, then, do you feel up to a little Jell-O?" Blair made a disapproving face. "Maybe a little applesauce or pudding?" Blair shook his head, suddenly looking a little green around the edges.
Grabbing the nearest container off a side table, Jim shoved it under Blair's chin just before the young man emptied the contents of his stomach. He winced at the stench, barely remembering to dial down his sense of smell. He wiped up the mess when Blair was finished and offered his lover a glass of water. Blair sipped cautiously, unsure if even that would stay down.
"Sorry," Blair apologized weakly. "Didn't mean to puke on you like that." He settled back against his pillows, looking exhausted.
Dr. Casey patted his shoulder. "It gets better," she assured. "I'll come by and check on you this evening. If either of you want to get a hold of me before then, just tell one of the nurses. They all know how to contact me."
"Thanks, Lynne." Blair smiled weakly. "We really do appreciate this."
"No problem, Blair. You just take care of yourself and that baby." She turned to leave.
Jim leaned down and placed a chaste kiss on Blair's forehead. "I'll be right back." He followed Dr. Casey out into the hall.
"Lynne?"
"Yes, Jim?"
"You're sure everything's fine?" he asked nervously. "You can tell me, you know, if it's not."
Dr. Casey smiled and shook her head. "It's a risky procedure, I won't kid you there, but Blair pulled through with flying colors. I really don't expect any problems. We'll monitor him closely, especially through the first trimester, but I don't see any reason, at this point, why you should worry."
Jim looked marginally relieved at the news. "Thanks," he said succinctly.
"You just take care of him," Dr. Casey admonished, "and he'll do fine." She smiled and walked off, leaving Jim to return to the new mother-to-be.
Six weeks:
Jim settled on the couch next to his weary partner, wrapping an arm around sagging shoulders. "Have a rough day?"
"You know it.... The toilet has become my new best friend."
"I wish I didn't have to go into work and leave you here by yourself, but Simon's got this big serial murder case, and he wants me heading the task force."
"It's okay, Jim. Really. There isn't anything you could do, anyway."
"Of course there is. There's got to be," Jim insisted. "It's my fault you're going through this. Here, let me get you a glass of juice...." He started to rise, but Blair laid a hand on his forearm.
"I don't want any juice, thank you, and it's not your fault. We decided this together, remember? I knew going in what it was going to be like. So it's a little rough now; it's going to get better." Jim looked doubtful, but wrapped his arm back around his partner's shoulders.
"Jim, I don't know a single person who does guilt better than you. Don't sweat it. I'm okay." He pulled Jim's hand away from his shoulder, and placed it on his belly. "Can you feel her, hear her?" he wondered.
Jim looked thoughtful. His laid his head next to his hand on Blair's abdomen and concentrated. "I can't feel anything yet, but there's a soft 'whooshing' that might be the heartbeat."
"Or my stomach complaining," Blair noted.
"No, not that. I can hear your heart, your stomach, all your internal sounds. This is separate. This is our child."
"Wow," Blair breathed. "Oh, wow."
~oO0Oo~
"Jim! Jim!" Blair called out, frantic.
The Sentinel came skidding in from the bathroom, wrapped only in a towel, to find Blair sitting on the hardwood floor. He dropped to his knees, his protector instincts fully engaged.
"Oh, God, Jim ... it really hurts." Blair had his arms wrapped around his mid-section, and was hunched over, rocking in time with his sobs.
"Where? Where does it hurt?" Jim tried to untangle Blair, but the younger man was strong, refusing to release the hold on his stomach. "Blair, talk to me!" He continued to pry at Blair's arms.
"Cramps. Oh, man! They really hurt!" His words were hissed through clenched teeth.
Jim wrapped his arms around the huddled figure, trying to pull Blair to his feet, mindless of the fact his towel had loosened and fallen into a pile at his feet.
"Noooooo...." Blair sobbed. "Hurts." He clawed at the Sentinel, desperate for help, yet not wanting to be touched.
"I'm getting you off the floor, Blair, then I'm calling an ambulance." He pulled the resisting body to a semi-upright position, then scooped Blair into his arms and carried him to the couch.
Blair immediately tipped over, lying down and curling around his pain in the classic fetal position. Jim went for the phone, dialing 911 and giving the pertinent information. He then rushed up the stairs to throw on some clothes. By the time the ambulance arrived, Jim was ready. He followed the emergency vehicle to the hospital, his own lights flashing and siren blaring.
"I'm here, Babe," he cooed, slightly breathless, as he reached the gurney the medical technicians had just removed from the back of the ambulance.
"Don't go," Blair pleaded, grabbing Jim's hand and not letting go. Jim walked beside him into the critical care unit of Cascade General.
"I'm not going anywhere. Just hang on, help is near." He stroked sweat-damp curls off Blair's face, wiping away tears of fear and pain as well. "Everything's going to be okay." He kept up a quiet chatter until a doctor stepped into the examining room.
"You'll have to wait outside," the doctor said, not bothering to introduce himself. Pushing Jim aside, he began to examine Blair. "Where does it hurt?"
Blair just moaned, too far gone into the pain to be aware of the doctor.
"He's pregnant," Jim growled, causing the doctor to jump.
"What?" The doctor turned to find an angry and overprotective Sentinel nose-to-nose and toe-to-toe with him.
"I said, he's pregnant," Jim repeated. "We're part of Dr. Lynne Casey's male pregnancy program. He's six weeks along. The severe abdominal cramps started about an hour ago."
The doctor gave the nurse a few quick instructions for pain relief medication for his patient, then guided Jim outside the room. He instructed a passing nurse to page Dr. Casey, stat. He then turned to the Sentinel. "I'm Dr. Jordan, the attending physician. We need to get some information from you. Please follow me." He took Jim to the front desk, where the distraught man was directed to fill out the requisite paperwork.
Back in the examine room, Blair stirred and cried out. "Jim!"
Jim barreled through doctors and nurses, knocking them aside like ten-pins in a rush to get to his lover. "I'm here, Blair. I'm here."
At the sound of his lover's voice, Blair quieted and slipped into a fitful sleep. Jim fidgeted at the bedside until Dr. Casey arrived. No amount of hospital staff could convince him to budge.
When Lynne entered the room, Jim stepped aside to give the doctor room to examine her patient. After checking his chart, she did her own brief physical checkup. Her face was serious, but not grim.
"What's wrong?" Jim asked, edging his way back to his lover's side.
"There's a chance he's miscarrying," she said. "We'll take him in for an ultrasound. If I can't get what I need from that, we can try an MRI. I want to make sure he isn't rupturing."
"Rupturing?" Jim nearly exploded. "My God, he could die!" He turned back to the pale man lying quietly in the bed next to him.
"It may be nothing more than severe abdominal cramps," Lynne tried to reassure him. "It's frightening, but not that uncommon. If that's all it is, we can simply admit Blair overnight to make sure everything's okay, and let him go home."
"And if not?" The threat in Jim's voice was clear.
"If not, we'll have to take him to surgery, remove the embryo and correct any internal damage."
Jim visibly wilted at the news. Lynne put a hand out to steady him. "He's going to be fine. You got him here early enough for treatment. Please try not to worry. Why don't you go sit in the waiting area? I promise I'll get back to you just as soon as I know anything." Jim dug himself in, not wanting to be separated from Blair. "We can do this more quickly if you let us do our job. Please wait outside. Is there anyone you can call?"
Jim shook his head. "We haven't told anyone yet."
"Well, maybe now is the time," she said gently.
~oO0Oo~
"Blair, Sweetie?" Lynne brushed a hand across her patient's forehead. "Are you with me here? I'd like you to open your eyes."
Blair's eyes fluttered open after a few seconds, the usually bright blue glazed from the drugs he'd been given.
"That's good." She smiled at him. "Are you in any pain now?"
Blair shook his head, his meager attempt at movement barely noticeable.
"Good. I'm going to do the ultrasound now. Don't worry, this isn't going to hurt." She smeared his abdomen with the lubricant and began to glide the sensor over the area, her eyes glued to the monitor. "Damn," she whispered. "Sarah, can you help me here?" she asked the nurse who was in the room with them. "I need to roll Mr. Sandburg onto his side, and I don't think he's going to be much help."
The two women rolled the semiconscious man to his right side, and Lynne tried the sensor again from the adjusted angle. After a couple minutes of concentrated effort, she sighed. "This isn't working. The picture isn't clear enough at this stage.
"Sarah, step over here, will you?" Lynne positioned the nurse in Blair's field of vision. "Blair, Honey? Blair?" The young man opened his eyes again with an effort. "This is Sarah. She's going to stay with you for a bit while I go out and talk to Jim, okay? If you need anything, you just tell her." Blair nodded and closed his eyes again. "Watch him carefully, okay?" She patted Sarah's back on her way out.
Jim stood as he saw Dr. Casey come through the double doors into the waiting area. "Is everything all right?" he asked anxiously.
"I couldn't get a clear enough picture with the ultrasound. We're going to need to get him in for a MRI scan. I'm scheduling an emergency session, but it's going to take about a half an hour. Would you like to come back and sit with Blair until we're ready?"
"You have to ask?" Jim rolled his eyes at the doctor.
She chuckled. "I didn't really think I needed to. It's just procedure, you know." She led the way back to the room where Sarah watched over the sleeping man. She pulled up a chair. "Just make yourself comfortable. See if you can get him to talk to you. I'll be back to collect him just as soon as I can get an opening for the MRI. It shouldn't be long."
Jim picked up one limp hand from the exam table and lifted it to his lips. "You with me here, Chief?"
"Jim?" Blair's eyes opened with an effort, and he tried to smile.
"How are you feeling?" Jim brushed his palm across Blair's forehead and down his cheek. His lover's temperature was slightly elevated, but not seriously.
"Not so hot," he mumbled. "Sleepy."
"Yeah, I hear they gave you some of those really good drugs," Jim chuckled.
Blair tried to smile again, but it took too much effort. "What's wrong? Why does it hurt?"
"Doc Casey says it's probably just abdominal cramps," he said, hedging around the more frightening aspect.
"Or...?" Blair asked, always astutely aware of when Jim was holding back.
"Or ... you may be miscarrying," he answered softly. Blair squeezed his hand tightly, a sob of fear and regret bursting from his throat. Jim brushed the tears from Blair's cheeks. "There, there, Blair. It's going to be okay," he soothed.
"I don't want to lose our baby!" The desperation oozed through each word.
"I don't want that, either," Jim agreed, gently stroking the sweat-matted hair. "Dr. Casey is doing her best to help us. It's going to be okay, Blair, please believe that."
"Hope so," Blair sighed. "Been through too much already."
"You're telling me? I'm the one who has to carry you around after you've puked your guts out."
"Ha, ha, Mr. Comedian. Wanna trade places?"
"No way." Jim turned serious. "There's no way I could have handled this. You're a marvel, you know that?"
"How do women do this, Jim? How do they do it over and over?" He allowed his eyes to slip closed from exhaustion.
"I don't know, Kiddo, but you're doing a great job. You just have to hang in there. I'll be right here with you every step of the way."
"Thanks, Jim." Blair's voice trailed off. Jim didn't have the heart to keep pushing. Blair was obviously exhausted and needed the rest. He sat holding the cool, clammy hand until Dr. Casey returned.
~oO0Oo~
"The MRI was reassuring," Dr. Casey told Jim about forty minutes later. "There's no tearing of the membranes, and the embryo appears to be firmly attached and growing normally. Congratulations, Daddy." She stuck out her hand.
Jim accepted and shook hands. "But what about the cramps?" he asked worriedly. "What caused that awful pain Blair was in? Could it happen again?"
"I can't tell you the exact cause of the cramping. This happens in a small percentage of cases. It may have been muscles exhausted by the frequent vomiting. You told me Blair's nausea has been quite severe?"
"Yeah. There are days he barely leaves the bathroom. I've had an awful time getting him to eat anything. Even keeping his fluid levels up is a struggle."
Lynne reached into her pocket and withdrew a prescription pad. "I'm going to write Blair a script for some anti-nausea medication. This won't stop it completely, I'm afraid, but he should see a marked improvement. Give it a week. If the nausea doesn't get better, call me and we'll do a more thorough exam. As for it happening again: if it happened once, there's always that chance, but if this medication does the trick on the nausea, I don't think you'll see a return of the cramps."
"Thanks, Lynne."
"No problem. And don't worry, Jim. This is all perfectly natural, even expected. Blair and your baby are going to be just fine." She guided him back to the chairs. "Why don't you take a load off for a bit. I'll send word when Blair is settled; you can go see him then."
"Hey, Doc," Jim called as Lynne turned to go. "Thanks again."
"You're welcome."
When the doctor had left, Jim began to fidget. He got up to pace, finally finding himself in front of a bank of pay phones. He dropped in his quarters and dialed.
"Banks," came the growl from the other end of the line.
"Simon?"
Something in Jim's voice alerted the police captain. "Jim, what's wrong? Is Sandburg hurt?"
"No, sir ... yes, sir ... well, no, not really," the detective stammered.
"You at the hospital?" Banks asked.
"Yeah."
"Well, sit tight. I'm coming."
Jim stood with the phone to his ear for at least a minute after the soft click of the disconnect. How was he going to tell Simon? What was he going to tell Simon? His boss had only recently come to terms with the fact that Jim and Blair were a couple. The rest of Major Crime was still officially oblivious, despite the rumors that abounded.
"Paging James Ellison, please come to the front desk." Jim turned at the sound and quickly made his way across the room. "Mr. Ellison?" the clerk behind the desk asked.
"Yes. What is it?"
"Dr. Casey left word that Mr. Sandburg is settled in his room and is ready for visitors. Room 253, right through those doors. Take Elevator B to the second floor and turn right."
"Thanks." Jim threw the word over his shoulder as he made his way quickly through the indicated doors.
When Simon Banks arrived ten minutes later, the waiting room was deserted. He approached the desk.
"May I help you, sir?" the clerk asked.
"Blair Sandburg. He was admitted this morning?"
The clerk quickly checked her computer. "Room 253, in the maternity wing...."
"Maternity wing?" Simon gasped, his jaw dropping in surprise.
"Right through those doors, Elevator B to the second floor and make a right," the clerk instructed.
"Maternity wing?" Simon repeated.
The clerk checked the computer once more. "Yes, sir. Room 253...." She wasn't given a chance to finish. Simon Banks was through the doors and on his way to the elevator.
He paused outside Room 253, hesitant to go in. Sandburg's name was on the door, but this couldn't be right.
"Come on in, Simon," Jim's voice floated out from behind the closed door.
"How'd you know it was me?" the captain asked, entering the room and getting his first good look at Sandburg in weeks.
"Well, sir, you reek of..."
"...cigars," Simon finished in tandem with his detective. "So, what happened this time, and why the maternity wing? Were they out of beds everywhere else?"
"No, Simon." Jim indicated a chair in the corner of the room. "Pull up a chair. I think you need to be sitting down."
"What's going on here, Jim?" Simon settled himself next to the detective.
"Well, sir, you know that Blair and I are a couple...."
"As much as I try to ignore that fact, yeah, I know," Simon grumped, uncomfortable with the intimate relationship between his detective and the police observer.
"We wanted a family, Simon," Jim explained. "The adoption route is a rough one for gay couples and we really wanted a biological child." Simon sat quietly, staring at the man next to him as realization began to dawn. "We went to the Caitlin Clinic and entered into their male pregnancy program. Blair is pregnant, sir."
"Blair is WHAT?" Simon's voice exploded into the room. Even though he had half expected the answer he'd gotten, the concept still came as a shock.
"Shhh, sir. Blair's asleep."
"Not anymore," came a groggy voice from the bed.
Suddenly solicitous, Jim turned to his lover. "You feeling okay? Hurt anywhere?"
"Nah, I feel okay. Just a little achy." Blair rubbed at his belly.
"I'll call the nurse, get you something for the pain."
Blair grabbed Jim's arm as he reached for the call button. "I'm fine, Jim. Give it a rest, okay?"
"Yeah, sure, Blair. Sorry." He actually managed to look contrite.
"The baby?" Blair wondered, fully awake for the first time since the ambulance had brought him in.
"The baby's fine, Sweetheart. We're going to be daddies."
"Cool," Blair replied, sinking back into his pillows and closing his eyes. "What caused the cramps then?"
"Lynne said she thought it was just your muscles protesting all the vomiting. She's given me a prescription to fill for you that should help."
"Good."
"Simon's here," Jim informed his sleepy lover.
Blair opened his eyes and looked around. "Oh, hi, Simon. Thanks for coming by. Did Jim call you?"
"Yeah, he sounded pretty worried about you, kid."
"I'm not surprised. I think I scared him earlier this morning. Heck, I scared me."
Simon shook his head, disbelief still plain on his face. "You're pregnant." He looked at Blair, trying to comprehend, to see the changes. "Pregnant."
Blair chuckled at Simon's discomfort. "Six weeks and counting. Dr. Casey says if everything stays on schedule, the baby will be due in early November. She said she'd firm the date for the C-section after I'm in my third trimester."
Simon just shook his head. "I've come to expect this kind of revelation from the two of you," he sighed. "You never do anything the easy way, do you?"
"Not if there's a harder solution; no, sir." Jim smiled.
"You going to tell the rest of the bullpen about this?"
"We can't keep it a secret forever," Blair reasoned, "but we'd like to try for a while yet. Once I start to show, we'll have to come out and tell everyone."
"Half the detectives don't even know you're a couple yet, and the other half only suspect. Don't you think this will come as a bit of a shock?" Simon looked from one man to the other, and back.
"Well, maybe we can have a 'coming out' party before Blair begins to show. What do you think, Blair? Ready to come out of the closet?"
"I've been ready, Jim," the young man said, coming more awake as he warmed to the subject. "Heck, everyone thought I was gay, anyway, despite my dating every skirt in the precinct. It's you who've been holding back." He patted his lover's hand. "It's okay. Maybe Simon would let us use his office for a little commitment ceremony?" He turned to the big man, who shrugged. "Maybe you'd wear a ring?" He turned back to Jim, looking hopeful.
Jim shook his head, but a huge smile was plastered on his face. "You're really something, Casanova. Yeah, all right, I'll marry you, but you know that later everyone's going to think it's because I knocked you up."
"Ha, ha, Ellison. Just wait until I get you home."
"All talk and no follow-through, Sandburg," Jim growled playfully.
"'Sandburg', my ass," Blair snapped back, smiling.
"That's what I'm hoping for, but it never materializes."
Simon cleared his throat uncomfortably, bringing the two men's attention back to him. "Too much information, gentlemen. Let me hold onto my illusions a little while longer, okay? This will all get real enough way too soon for my tastes anyway."
"Sorry, Simon," Blair smiled sheepishly. "I'm really glad you came."
"You take care of yourself Sandburg," the captain said gruffly. "And you, Jim, I don't want to see you back at work until Monday, you hear me?"
"Thanks, Simon. We really appreciate it." Jim's attention immediately returned to Blair.
"Well, I'll just see myself out, then." Simon pulled the door open and stepped through.
"Bye, Simon!" Blair called after him.
Once the door had closed, Jim dove in for a kiss. "I thought he'd never leave," he commented lustfully.
"Oomph, uh ... ow...." Blair pulled back and grabbed his stomach.
"Geez, I'm sorry, Blair!" Jim reached for the call button, only to have his hand batted away again.
"Somebody's in Blessed Protector overdrive today. I'm fine, Jim, just a tad less enthusiasm, okay?" He grinned and pulled the hapless Sentinel down for a gentler mutual exploration of their mouths.
After finally coming up for a breath, Jim looked down with affection on the man resting in the hospital bed. "I'm damn glad you're going home tomorrow."
"Make that double for me!" Blair enthused.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Previously in a zine by the same title, published by AngelWings Press.
All "science" contained herein is completely science fiction from my own fertile imagination with ideas supplemented from http://www.members.tripod.com/~annierichards/pregnant.htm (no longer a valid URL, sorry) and comments from my betas.
Medical facts are from the book What to Expect When You're Expecting*.
In this storyline, TSbyBS didn't happen.
Acknowledgments: I would like to extend my thanks to everyone who helped to make this a better story through suggestions and betas: Kimberly, Mary, Loren and H-A. Thanks bunches, gals!