Chapter 16
Gibbs gave Tony a quick peck on the cheek just before the elevator doors opened. Tony had been back to work for a couple of weeks now and since there'd been no sign of Constantino his protection detail had diminished to a nighttime watch only and they no longer had the FBI escorts once they were within NCIS headquarters. A lot of it had to do with the fact that Tony had testified against his father about his abduction and subsequent maltreatment and hadn't been needed for testimony against Gianni. They had plenty of taped evidence against both men threatening both Tony and Gibbs and the guns that had been recovered were found in DiNozzo's possession. Constantino was wanted for murdering Michael DiNozzo. Gibbs had corroborated what was clearly heard on the tape and so he, too, was done but it would be weeks, yet, before the trial was over.
Tony gave Gibbs a bright smile and they left the elevator and went their separate ways, Tony's smile fading slightly as he approached his desk. Tony was still miffed that he didn't even have a desk near Gibbs and his team but he was getting used to it. And although he didn't really like working cold cases he understood that he didn't have much choice since he wasn't cleared for field duty. The hardest part of returning to the fold, though, was the odd looks he got from most of his co-workers. The women didn't seem to feel comfortable around him and God knows the men didn't. He found himself expending a lot of energy at being his most charming and friendly, working hard at letting everyone know that he was still the same guy they used to joke and flirt with. But it didn't work with everyone and had, on a couple of occasions, gotten ugly. It was a topic that was getting a lot of discussion with Gerry with no real solution in sight since Tony refused to report the incidents.
By mid-morning Tony felt worn out and decided he needed an Abby break. Besides, he wanted to go over some forensics studies he'd found in the case file he was reviewing. He got up and buttoned his suit coat over his expanding waistline to make his way downstairs when his phone rang. Cynthia, the director's secretary, said she had some documents he needed to sign so he made his way upstairs keeping his eyes straight ahead and a slight smile on his face portraying to the world that Anthony DiNozzo was perfectly at peace with himself and the world around him. He just wished it was really true. The only place he felt he could truly say that was at home in Jethro's arms. But he was a man of many talents, one of which was his ability to slip completely into whatever role he needed to get his job done and the role du jour was that of a completely happy man.
"Hey, pretty lady, how are you today?" Tony smiled as he walked into the office. Cynthia was a real sweetheart and he considered her a friend even if their relationship seemed a bit stilted lately.
"Hi, Tony. Thanks for coming up. I hope it's not too hard on you, yet..." She gave him an uncertain smile as her voice faded away.
Tony felt a little flip in his stomach. This was just too much. He'd had a pretty good relationship with her before and he had trouble accepting that his pregnancy would change everything so completely. Maybe they'd never been the friends he thought they were and although that wasn't the first time that thought had crossed his mind, he decided that this time he needed to find out if it was true. Like Gerry said, there was no point in guessing. He needed to find out what his friend was really thinking.
"Is the director in today?" he asked as a prelude to the discussion he'd like to have with her if she had time.
"She's in MTAC for the next few hours. What's up?"
Tony pulled up the extra chair and sat down near her, resting his forearm on her desk.
"I needed to ask you something and I didn't want either of us to get into trouble with the director. It seems she, like everyone else, is really uncomfortable around me now."
"Uncomfortable?"
"Well, yeah Cynthia, uncomfortable...the way you are now." He gave her his best smile. "You know, I really thought we were friends..." he let his sentence drop off to give her an opening.
"Oh, Tony...of course we're friends." She said with a sigh. But Tony was right, of course. She had been uncomfortable around him since his return and she hadn't really been able to put her finger on why.
"I don't know what's changed...well, besides this..." she said pointing at his stomach and was rewarded by a light chuckle which relaxed her.
She looked into the sexy hazel green eyes and it suddenly struck her. Although she was married and had a child of her own, she'd always enjoyed the light flirtatious bantering they shared but for some reason whenever Tony had tried that with her now it seemed strange to her, almost as though it was all playacting...
That was it, she realized. Before it was as though there was still a possibility that there could be something between them and it was fun to play that way even if it really was impossible. The fact remained that they were still each a man and a woman but now that differentiation had blurred for her.
And then she kicked herself. Tony had been in a relationship with Gibbs even before he'd left. And Lord knows that she was aware of his various escapades with his women. The fact is that Tony is bisexual...which had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that he was pregnant now. He was still a man...a very attractive, playful and fun-loving man who was adapting to a difficult situation. One made more so by her.
"Oh, Tony...I'm so sorry," she said with true regret in her eyes. "I guess I let your pregnancy change what I knew about you...Tony, the man."
"That's okay, Cyn, you aren't the only one. It just hurt a bit more from you and I really wanted to make it right."
"It's me that should have made it right before now, Tony." She patted his forearm. "I'm really sorry to hear that it's been rough for you out there," she said gesturing to the offices around her.
"Yeah, I used to be able to play a bit, get the ladies to blush a little, maybe giggle sometimes. It was light and fun for everyone, but now it seems everyone's reaction is kind of stilted and confused."
"Like I was..."
"Sweetheart, you were never as bad as some of the others out there. Now it seems that they either joke with me as though I'm one of their girlfriends which is awkward ‘cos I'm a guy and I sure as hell don't know how to respond, or worse, they react with hostility which I really don't understand..."
"Tony, honey, don't you see the jealousy?"
"Okay, I'd have to say no to that one..."
"Pregnancy was the last bastion of the feminine world that men hadn't taken over. Up until now, only women could give a man a child. It's left a lot of women feeling very insecure."
"They're insecure?" he asked with incredulity. "The percentage of men who would voluntarily choose to do this is extremely low. There's no way that male pregnancy could threaten the number of female pregnancies and besides, the men who get involved in this are usually gay with the exception of those who want a kid without dealing with a wife and that percentage is even lower so they'd never had a chance with them anyway. Why feel threatened?" Tony asked now truly confused.
And if she wanted insecure, how about questioning everything you ever knew about yourself...
"Tony, its human nature to blame someone else for your inability to get what you want. You have what a lot of women in this agency wish they had...Leroy Jethro Gibbs, who is one fine, sexy man. And then you go and take yourself off the market, too. A loss to women everywhere..."
And with that statement she got the response she was looking for...a bright laugh from a man who'd had too much pain in his life lately and oh, was this man beautiful when he smiled. She really envied Gibbs for a bit.
Tony quieted and looked at Cynthia with that little boy expression that could get him just about anything in this world and she knew his child would have everyone eating out of his hand.
"So, are we okay now, Cyn?"
"Oh, yeah, baby...we're okay."
Cynthia rolled her chair over to Tony and threw her arms around him. He returned her hug enthusiastically feeling better than he had in awhile.
"My, my, what would Gibbs say, Tony?"
The voice dripped ice from the doorway and the two friends broke apart guiltily to see Director Shepherd standing there with a very severe expression. Tony jumped to his feet.
"I take it I'm not giving you enough to keep you busy, Cynthia?" she asked with disdain ignoring Tony's presence completely.
"Forgive me, Director, I do have plenty to do and just needed some signatures from Agent DiNozzo. But is there something you need?"
Cynthia looked closely at the Director and noted the telltale signs of strain around her eyes. She was obviously having another bad day and also had another headache. They were coming pretty frequently now but what Cynthia had noted most was the change in her behavior. She seemed to obsess every now and then and was no longer the kind supervisor she'd known before. She wondered if there was more going on in the job than she was aware of.
"The files transmitted this morning," The Director said in clipped tones.
Cynthia immediately pulled the files from her drawer and handed them to the Director. Only then did the Director turn to Tony keeping her eyes strictly on his own.
"Director Shepherd, it's lovely to see you today," Tony said in his usual friendly manner but noted no lightening of her demeanor and although her expression never wavered, he could feel her distaste at his presence. It was remarkably similar to his ex-father's reaction to his presence. Suddenly all of the good feelings he had seemed to slip away.
"I would ask, Tony, that you get your business with Cynthia taken care of so that she can return to her duties and you to yours. This agency has too heavy a workload to be wasting manhours in personal pursuits."
"Of course, Director Shepherd," he said, his own expression settling into polite lines. He glanced at the forms that Cynthia pushed towards him and he bent slightly to see where he needed to sign. He never even read what the documents were about, but figured it had to do with his pay. Finished, he straightened to note that the Director had remained in place apparently waiting for him to leave.
"Thanks, Cynthia," he said then gave the Director a polite nod on his way out. He closed the door on what sounded like some stern words which, in his opinion, Cynthia really didn't deserve. She was the best secretary to ever fill that position and it was his fault that they'd gotten into a personal discussion on duty time. He decided to send her some flowers later as an apology and decided that he should probably stay out of the Director's way for now. It seemed that she was one of those that definitely fell into the ‘hostile' category of women he encountered nowadays.
Now verging on thoroughly depressed he decided to continue on his way to see Abby. She was always good for him when he was down. He waited for the elevator and saw Agent Lee from legal. She was with Sandra from HR and they were chatting as they approached.
"Tony, hi! How are you?" opened Sandra.
She'd recently had a baby and seemed pretty open to Tony being pregnant. Agent Lee gave him a shy greeting as usual.
"Ladies," he greeted them with his usual smile.
"Tony, you are looking pretty smart in that suit. Is it specially tailored or is there somewhere you can buy maternity clothes for men?" Sandra asked curiously.
"There's a shop, actually. It carries a small selection currently but they are expanding their line..."
"Well you look great. Are you doing anything special for the stretch marks? I know of this great cream, you can buy it at that new shop in the mall...what is it, Harris something?" Sandra looked at Lee for confirmation and didn't notice the blush creeping up Tony's neck.
This was another aspect of being pregnant he was having a hard time with. For some reason women felt they could ask all kinds of personal questions about his body and the pregnancy. He just didn't get it and really didn't know how to answer without being incredibly rude. Did all women share this type of personal information? It was completely out of his realm of experience. Men don't get that personal with one another. He saw Lee staring at his belly. He needed to get away from them before they decided they wanted to feel it which had already happened before and had left him speechless with shock.
"Oh, I forgot some papers. Ladies, it was nice speaking with you. Have a good day..." he said quickly as he backed away. He threw them a smile over his shoulder as he made his escape around the corner.
He quickly breathed a sigh of relief but then the anger started. He wasn't sure he could handle another three months of this. What the hell? Did everyone see him as some kind of woman, now? Well, he wasn't, damnit! He was a man despite what was happening. But he felt sick as a wave of insecurity washed over him which in turn fueled his anger.
"Hey, Tony...you okay?"
Tony opened his eyes to see Palmer with a look of concern on his face. It pissed him off even more.
"I'm fine, Palmer," he growled.
"Are you sure, because if you need some help I can call Dr. Mallard..."
"I said I was fine, got it? Why don't you go find some of your gremlin friends and do whatever it is autopsy gremlins do and leave me alone."
"Sh-sh-sure, Tony...sorry..." Jimmy stuttered as he backed away, the flash of hurt across his face like a blow to Tony's chest.
He scurried away before Tony could apologize and Tony slammed his head back against the wall a couple of times. "Fuck, fuck, fuck...stupid fuck...always screwing things up..." he muttered to himself.
It took him awhile to calm down and then he tried to figure out how he would apologize to Palmer. God, could this day get any worse?
Chapter 17
A little while later Tony finally made it back to his desk. He'd decided to forego a visit to Abby. He was just in too bad a mood. Rounding the corner he spied the bag on his desk. Somehow he should have anticipated this happening today. It seemed par for the course.
He hadn't told Gibbs but he'd been receiving little joke gifts or notes at his desk two or three times a week. At first it had just been curious little things like one pink and one blue bootie but then the items began to become obscene. He'd really hated the lace covered jock strap and the nipple cream which had been accompanied by a picture of a woman nursing with Tony's picture overlaying the face of the mother. The worst one had been the reconstructed stress doll. He'd seen them sold in novelty stores. They were made of cloth and had all the body parts held together with Velcro so that you could rip them apart when the need arose. His had the male and female parts intermixed with crude drawings of a fetus on the stomach and male genitalia between the legs. It had sickened him. So, rather than make his day worse he just grabbed the bag and threw it in the trash without opening it and sat down to continue his work.
He'd been working steadily for about an hour when Jethro rounded the corner. Tony looked up and really had to restrain himself from running into his arms so he tamped down on his emotions. The last thing he needed was Gibbs worrying about him, too.
"Hey, Tony, you interested in lunch?"
Tony looked down. He really wasn't hungry, the tension of the day like a hard stone in his stomach.
"No, not really, Jethro, but I could use a walk."
"Sounds good. How was that muffin I left on your desk?"
Tony nearly groaned. He really should have looked in the bag before throwing it away, but then he probably would have been suspicious of it and tossed it anyway. He really couldn't win here.
"It was great...probably why I'm not really hungry, yet," he lied but then added a sincere "Thanks for thinking about me."
"Always doing that. Come on, you look like you could use a stretch of the legs."
Tony didn't ask what he meant by that because it irritated him even though he had said he could use a walk so he stayed quiet. They grabbed their coats and left the building and began walking towards the water. The mid-November breeze was cool and Tony buttoned the top of his collar. He had his gloves but he'd forgotten his scarf. He started slightly as Gibbs wrapped his own scarf around Tony's neck. That simple gesture nearly brought tears to his eyes but he blinked them away.
Gibbs wondered at Tony's uncharacteristic silence. He also didn't like the small lines of stress he saw around Tony's eyes. Plus he knew about Tony's little talk with Palmer.
"Everything okay, honey?" he asked.
Tony felt a flash of exasperation as much at Jethro's question as at his own seesawing emotions. He was tired of everyone asking if he was okay, but then this was Gibbs, his future husband. He had a right to ask so he forced it down. He put a smile on his face and turned towards Gibbs.
"Fine, just a little tired."
Gibbs could almost buy that knowing that Tony hadn't been sleeping that well lately, but he saw the flash of annoyance and recognized the slightly too bright smile that said Tony didn't want to talk about it. Okay. Gibbs knew not to push. Tony would talk when he was ready and not before so he let the answer go for now.
"How're the plans coming along? Need any help?"
Tony took a deep breath of the slightly salty air grateful to be talking of something other than himself.
"Talked to the caterer, they said no problem with the seating. They were happy with the kitchen layout, too. It's really great of Ducky to let us have our wedding at his house."
"Like he said, it's a huge place and it's just him since his mother went into the nursing home. I really think he's looking forward to it."
Tony smiled. He was looking forward to it, too. Not to mention the short trip they'd planned afterwards. It wouldn't be their real honeymoon. They decided to wait on that until after the baby was born but it would be great to get away. God, he wished they could get away right now.
He must have frowned or something because again Gibbs asked what was wrong. It was at that moment that Tony became positive that Gibbs already knew about Palmer.
"Aw, hell..."
"Tell me what happened."
"He caught me at a bad time...I just don't handle a lot of the pregnancy issues really well and I'd just been cornered." Tony dropped his head and sighed. "I owe him an apology."
Gibbs could understand that. He'd often wondered at the conversations Shannon would get into that were sometimes so personal he'd had to leave the room, often to the sound of soft feminine laughter. Tony already had enough self-image issues so this much focus was probably too intense at times. He knew it was a topic during Tony's sessions with Gerry but he'd hoped that by now Tony would have a better handle on coping mechanisms. After all, Gibbs thought he was the most beautiful thing around.
"Yeah..." Gibbs agreed. He really hoped everything would settle down soon.
Tony shot him a rueful look and then smiled slightly hoping to ease Jethro's concerns. Together the men decided to return to work but neither man was completely at ease.
As soon as they exited the elevator McGee practically ran up to them to say that Gibbs was wanted in MTAC. With a quick squeeze to Tony's arm Gibbs turned and strode away. Tony watched him go for a moment and then turned back to McGee who seemed jumpy, but then that wasn't unusual for a Probie.
"What's got you so nervous, McMexican jumping bean?"
"SecNav wanted to talk to Gibbs and the Director has been calling every five minutes since he left. Gibbs had his phone turned off..."
"Which is against his own rules about never being out of touch..." Tony said with exasperation. So not only was Gibbs breaking his own rules but Tony's little emotional outburst had kept him from doing his job. That's just great. He turned back to McGee.
"Well, he's there now and everything will be just fine," he said with a bright smile wanting nothing more than to go and punch something. "Well, gotta go...know what I mean, McGiggles? Catcha later..."
Tim watched him walk towards the men's room, something tickling at the back of his brain but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. He turned to go back to the bullpen with a frown on his face.
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"You'll meet up with Colonel Ramirez. He'll be the Ranger liaison. He'll fill you in on the specifics for the mission which you'll also take part in. Any questions?"
"Details on the initial Joint Task Force meeting?" Gibbs asked as he made notes in his handbook.
"Next Thursday at Fort Benning. You'll need to be in place two days prior. The meetings are scheduled for a week." Gibbs head shot up at that and SecNav noted it.
"Problems?"
Gibbs had never been one to put his personal life before duty, but that would completely screw up the wedding. Since it was already Friday they wouldn't even have time for the blood work or license in order to get married before he had to leave. For the first time ever he almost said he couldn't perform the duty required of him. Then Jenny jumped in before he could say anything.
"There's no problem, Sir. Anything Agent Gibbs has on his calendar can be rescheduled, isn't that right, Agent Gibbs?"
Jenny stared pointedly at Gibbs. This tasking was extremely important and she'd made sure Gibbs was fully aware of that. There was no way he'd let something like a simple ceremony interfere with that.
Gibbs threw Jenny a brief look of hatred which did shock her a bit but she recovered quickly. Gibbs turned back to the screen.
"No, Sir. No problems."
Jenny hid her feelings of triumph. She'd worked hard to get Gibbs assigned to this tasking. He actually was one of the best choices for the job, but as an NCIS agent rather than an active duty member she'd had to do some serious talking. But it had been expected that she'd want her agency involved. Politically, it was a great coup.
They discussed a few more things before the SecNav signed off. Gibbs ripped off his headset and turned to Jenny.
"You set this up deliberately, didn't you?"
"It seems, Jethro, that you give me a lot more credit than I deserve. I couldn't possibly have set up the JTF meetings," she said innocently.
"Damnit, you know what I mean. There're others out there who could do the job just as well but you had to have your name on this somehow and you fully intended to drag me along with you regardless of my personal plans."
Jenny raised her eyebrows. It wasn't often that she heard such long sentences from her best agent and the fact that she had told her how much he'd been affected by her little surprise. But her plan was progressing and with Gibbs out of the way she could work on Tony. She made sure no hint of her satisfaction showed on her face.
"Well regardless of what you think, Jethro, this tasking is good for the agency and for you professionally no matter how much you don't care about that aspect. It's my job to look at those things and this is the way it is. I suggest you and Tony leave for the day so that you can prepare for next week. Have a good weekend Jethro."
Gibbs stared at her for a moment longer but then turned, refusing to waste any more time that could be better spent with Tony even if he wasn't looking forward to what would happen.
Jenny felt triumphant. Getting rid of Jethro was the hardest part of her plan and had taken quite a bit of maneuvering but she'd succeeded and now had unimpeded access to Tony. Her hand automatically moved up to massage her temple as the pain began to pulse. Damnit, her pills were in her office. She began to walk in that direction as she thought about Tony but the pain was becoming too intense. Things were going according to plan so why was her head aching so? She'd begun to associate the pain with stress over not getting what she wanted, not the other way around. Ducky said he had the test results but she'd put off seeing him. Now that Jethro was on his way she could go down and speak with him but she would take her pills first and rest her eyes and then she'd see what Ducky had to say.
Gibbs swept into the office and grabbed his things. He decided that his whole team could have an extended weekend if he had one and said so to both McGee and David. They wasted no time in getting out. Then he went and found Tony who was hunched over a file.
"Let's go..." he said without preamble.
Tony looked up with a curious expression but grabbed his coat.
"Where're we going, Boss?" It came out so naturally that neither man felt a need to correct the use of the name even though Gibbs was no longer Tony's supervisor.
"Home," was the terse reply but Tony could see that Gibbs was pissed. This was not good.
Later that night Gibbs held Tony in his arms as they lay on the couch. Gibbs had let Tony know exactly what was going on immediately upon arriving at home and, predictably, Tony had taken it poorly.
"So maybe I can re-schedule for the week after we'd planned?" Tony asked quietly as he lifted his eyes from his position on Jethro's shoulder.
Gibbs sighed. Running his fingers through Tony's hair again and noting the pale, strained features and the red-rimmed eyes. Again he had the feeling that there was more going on than Tony was letting on.
"I'm sorry, honey. At this point all I can do is promise to call you as soon as I know anything more definite."
Tony nodded and got the feeling that this is what it must have been like for Shannon whenever they'd tried to make family plans. The only good thing was that Jethro wasn't active duty anymore. This kind of thing was rare for civilians and there was no way in hell he'd keep Jethro from doing his job. Besides, he was used to disappointment. He'd handle it, no problem. It would just take some phone calls, maybe the loss of a deposit or two, but those were the breaks.
"Okay, I'll make some phone calls and take care of it," he said sitting up.
Jethro showed no surprise at the sudden change in attitude. If there was one thing he knew about Tony, it was that the man was resilient.
"So, how about we make the most of the time we have left," Tony said with a wiggle of his eyebrows and was rewarded with an intense, lust-filled gaze.
"Works for me..." Gibbs said in that deep sexy voice Tony loved and both men moved upstairs.
Chapter 18
The following Monday they returned to work and Gibbs left him right away to go work out his orders and travel arrangements. Despite the impending separation the weekend had been a good one and Tony could almost forget the mostly hostile work environment to which he had to return. Fortunately his family helped ease the pain and disappointment of Jethro's leaving and the postponed wedding plans and by mid-morning Tony was engrossed in the cold case he was working on. He'd been waiting on a call from Abby to say that she'd finished the reviews he needed and he wasn't disappointed when she called just before noon to say that she was done. They also decided to have lunch together since Jethro wasn't going to be available.
He headed towards the elevator only to see that it was on hold. Tony smiled figuring Gibbs was probably having a conversation with someone in his favorite meeting place. He decided to take the stairs. He was walking down the hallway towards Abby's lab when multiple sets of hands reached out and pulled him into a dark utility closet. He couldn't see anything anyway but his assailants, at least three from the number of hands, blindfolded and gagged him. His arms had been pulled behind him and he felt something being tied around his wrists. He struggled as hard as he could, at one point bumping his stomach against the wall.
"Keep that up and you'll hurt more than just yourself," a voice growled into his ear.
Knowing they were right Tony stilled although he trembled in anger and fear. He was at NCIS! How could something like this happen here? Was it Gianni? Various questions shot through his brain while he tried to gather as much information as he could. Scents, possible heights, voices...he tried desperately to categorize everything around him until he could find out who had him.
"You need to leave," the voice came back a second time. "No one wants you and your kind here, understand? You're a freak, a pretend woman, and everyone who looks at you feels nothing but disgust."
Tony felt his stomach turn. It wasn't Gianni. It was someone who worked here, alongside him in the building and who hated him so much they felt they could do this and get away with it. Well, they were wrong, he told himself. He struggled a bit more thinking that the more he struggled the more evidence would wind up on his clothing but their next words chilled him.
"Fight all you want, there won't be any evidence. We've made sure of it."
Tony felt hands moving over him, unfastening his clothing, fondling him. He could smell the latex of their gloves as his nipples were pinched and squeezed and he thought he would throw up. These were other NCIS agents.
"What does a man like Gibbs see in a freak like you?"
Tony felt fingers slid into his crevice while others tugged at his genitals. He struggled harder as he fought to get away from the violation but only received a low chuckle in response.
"Is that what you like, fag? You want my fingers up your ass or would you prefer my cock? Well you won't get that from me. You listen and you listen good...we don't want you here. You're an embarrassment to the agency and to Gibbs himself. Do you have any idea how much you'll drag his career down? Probably not, you selfish bitch, but take this as a friendly warning. Leave now. Go somewhere else and have that freak of a baby and let Gibbs have the life he deserves...one without you in it."
One by one he felt the men slip away from him leaving him sitting on the floor. He pulled and tugged until he was able to get his hands free and then he pulled off the blindfold and gag. He stood and his fingers found the light switch. Blinking a few times he began to straighten his clothes, shaking and furious and unsure what to do. He believed that there wasn't any evidence to give Abby and he knew that he really couldn't face her right now feeling so dirty and used. Instead he made his way to the men's room. He washed his hands and face and then retreated to a stall until he felt more composed.
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"There you are!" Abby said as she trotted over in those ridiculously high platform boots to give him a big hug. "I was getting worried when you didn't show and no one knew where you were but I figured you got busy like you always do so I went ahead and got us some sandwiches..." she continued without noticing that Tony was blinking back tears that her heartfelt hug had induced. By the time she settled down to ask how he was, he was more in control.
"But you look kind of pale. You sure you feel alright?" She asked with a slight frown.
"Yeah, Abs, just tired. You don't know what a load this is," he said gesturing to his stomach. In so many ways...
"Well if you want to lay down a bit you know you can always use the futon. My bed is your bed, only don't tell Gibbs I said that. God, I thought he was going to eat Timmy alive that night at his place," she said with a giggle.
Tony smiled faintly as he picked at his sandwich. His stomach was still doing somersaults and he didn't think he could eat a thing. Just something else Stan could yell at him over, his weight as well as his stress levels.
When they were done Tony decided to take her up on her offer. He was still laying down when Gibbs came looking for him. He would be leaving directly from the office to go to the airport but there was no way he'd leave without saying goodbye.
"You sure you're okay, Tony?" Gibbs asked with a frown as he contemplated moving his flight reservation back.
"I'm fine, Jethro...really," Tony said brightly and then yawned widely to prove that he was just sleepy.
"Okay, then. I'll call you when I get in," he said wondering at Tony's easy acceptance of his departure. It hurt that Tony didn't seem more upset but then he kicked himself. It's not like he wanted Tony to be upset...he just seemed awfully complacent, almost as though he wanted him to go. He searched Tony's eyes to be sure.
Tony knew he would have to pull the acting job of his life for Gibbs to leave without worry so he put every bit of effort he had into relaxing his muscles and smiling with just enough sadness to be believable and appease the concern in Jethro's eyes. It worked.
With a final kiss and a hug, Gibbs left knowing the FBI agents still on duty would get Tony home safely. Still, he knew, he'd call as soon as he got to his quarters at Fort Benning.
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Days turned into first one week and then two with no word from Jethro after the first two days. Tony had even gone to Jenny to find out his status but she completely stonewalled him and had actually come out and said that he was being selfish, that Gibbs was doing an important job and couldn't be bothered just to soothe Tony's insecurities. She was right, he told himself and then he returned to work.
On his way back he decided he needed a drink of water. As he approached he couldn't help but overhear his name. He paused as he tried to identify the speakers. One was male and the other female.
"Did you see the suit DiNozzo wore today?" the woman asked.
"Yeah...didn't know they made men's suits in extra large blimp sizes..."
The comment was followed by a female giggle.
Tony felt himself blushing and unconsciously ran a hand over his stomach and tugged at his jacket.
"Tony's a good looking guy but he always knew it, you know? How can he not know how...ridiculous...he looks now?" asked the woman snidely.
"He probably thinks its normal. Yeah, normal for people like him. Did you see the way the Director was looking at him yesterday? If she can't stand looking at him, what's he doing here?"
"I don't know but you'd think he'd get a clue and quit."
"Yeah. Anyway, did you see last night's Survivor...?"
Tony quit listening but remained frozen until he heard the voices move away. Woodenly, he turned and went to his desk, his mind in turmoil and his stomach twisting with humiliation. He remembered all those boys pointing and laughing at his white sailor's suit and he wanted to run and hide like he had so many years ago. But he couldn't so he took a deep breath and forced his mind back onto his work.
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"Hey, Tony," Abby said as she cheerfully greeted him. "Timmy and I are going to lunch, wanna come with?"
Tony's stomach twisted at the thought of walking through the building where everyone could see him. He put a disappointed look on his face as he turned towards her.
"Aw, sorry, Abs but I just ate. Doc's got me on kind of a strict diet and I've been bringing my own lunch."
"Oh, okay...but if you tell me what you can have maybe we can find a good place for you, like an organic health food place..."
"Yeah, I'll let you know. So you kids run along now, be good..."
Abby giggled and turned when McGee rushed up behind her while pulling his coat on. "You coming, Tony?"
But Abby answered for him. "No, he said next time," then she turned back to Tony. "I'm holding you to that, mister!" she said with a pointed finger and narrowed eyes which immediately lightened as she laughed and Tony waved as they left. He hadn't eaten but also knew that he couldn't. Instead he lost himself in typing up the review notes in the file was working.
A short while later the Director walked up to him. She looked at him closely and liked what she saw. She'd been furious with those idiots when they'd attacked Tony before Gibbs left...it was supposed to have happened afterwards. But Tony really was a good undercover agent and he'd proved it. Gibbs had departed without a word. She'd been banking on his refusal to let anyone know about that humiliation...it was part of his psychological make-up but she'd been lucky that Tony had been able to snow Gibbs. Now she needed to make sure he continued to keep his distance from the others.
"Tony," she said as she approached.
Tony looked up and his stomach clenched although no expression showed on his face. He stood up politely. "Director," he said.
"I have a task for you. The evidence cases associated with the files you're reviewing have to be re-inventoried and identified for further testing depending on their age."
Tony nodded. This meant he'd be down in the basement storage area. He'd be alone and away from everyone else. It sounded good right now.
"Because of your...delicate condition...I'm assigned Mr. Watts to assist you in moving the evidence cases. You have strict lifting restrictions and of course you won't be able to climb the ladder. We wouldn't want you hurting yourself, would we?"
Jenny was rewarded by a blush that crept up Tony's neck and colored his face.
Tony nearly groaned. Watts was the mailroom guy who'd made no effort to conceal how he felt about Tony. But after his last request to Jenny had been shot down so spectacularly, Tony didn't even consider asking for someone other than Watts.
"Thank you, ma'am," was his only reply. He watched as she nodded and then left. He thought about the storage area. There was a lot he could do without Watts; maybe he could just call him if he needed him? With that thought he straightened his desk and took what he knew he'd need and headed downstairs.
Chapter 19
"Tell you what, why don't I call you if I need you to get something, okay?" Tony said through gritted teeth. Watts had shown up minutes after Tony had started, sniping about the fact that he hadn't been notified to start and that he had so much mail yet to process and not only that, the basement was damned cold.
"No way, the Director told me specifically to come down here because you couldn't do the job yourself so here I am until she says otherwise."
"Fine," Tony said and pointed to a chair at the corner of the caged area. "Sit over there and I'll call you if I need you."
"Naw, I wanna see what you're doing, Mr. Special Agent, and I wanna know what you needed help with."
Tony refused to say that Watts' presence was required to move boxes that were too bulky or heavy for Tony and to fetch the stuff he couldn't reach. Instead he brought out the first three boxes and began processing the first.
"As I finish with each box, you put it back and bring the next so that I'll always have a couple on the table."
"That's it?" he asked in surprise.
"Yeah, that's it." Tony confirmed and got busy.
Watts was quiet for awhile and the he started chuckling.
"So are the big, bad boxes too heavy for the poor little Special Agent? Or is his belly so big that it gets in the way?"
Tony refused to answer. He refused to talk at all and tried desperately to ignore the running commentary on male pregnancy in general and, more specifically, Tony's pregnancy. But he was quickly approaching his melting point.
"What I don't get is why the agency's top Special Agent would hook up with another man at all, let alone you. I mean, it's going to hurt his career, right? It's not like he can take you to any agency functions so he can't network. And we work with the military, for chrissakes. No way will they accept you...that's probably why you're not out in the field, huh? What Marine would talk to a pregnant guy? I'll bet the Secretary of the Navy doesn't know about you or he wouldn't have picked Agent Gibbs for the special job he's on. Yeah, you're one major drawback to Gibbs' life. Either that or he's just stupid enough to fall for your sob sto...unhhh!"
Watts gurgled a bit as Tony's hand tightened around his throat. Tony had had enough of the crap Watts had been spewing. It was bad enough when it was about him but now he was bad talking Jethro. He never heard anyone come up from behind him until he felt an arm come around his neck.
"That...is a very bad idea, DiNozzo," he heard whispered into his ear and Tony felt a shiver go down his back. It wasn't the voice of the man that had been holding him from behind that day, but it was one of the men that had been there, touching him... He let go of Watts and the arm around his neck released him, too. He turned around and somehow wasn't surprised to see Perkins. He moved away from both men keeping his eyes on Perkins and ignoring Watts who was bent over coughing.
Watts straightened and moved to get to Tony but Perkins arm held him back.
"It was you...you were one of them," Tony said as he looked at Perkins but he only smiled back.
"What are you talking about, Agent DiNozzo?" he replied smoothly. "All I know is that I came down to review some evidence and I saw you attacking Ron Watts. I'm sure the Director won't be very pleased with that, but maybe there's an explanation like, oh I don't know...hormones?"
Watts was still rubbing his neck but he began to laugh at Perkins comments and then Perkins joined in. Tony backed away from them both until he had the chain link side of the cage at his back. He was in shock, reacting to both the realization of who'd molested him as well as the potentially dangerous situation he was currently in. He didn't even have his gun since he hadn't qualified yet. Perkins stepped towards him.
"The best thing for you to do now is to resign, DiNozzo. No one wants you here. You're an embarrassment to this agency and to Gibbs himself." He began to walk out, Watts at his heels, but then turned.
"I wouldn't go running to any of your friends if I were you. The Director is already looking into their work and she isn't happy with what she's finding. You don't want to add to their problems, do you Mr. DiNozzo."
Tony stood there as they walked away. The threat to the others was plain. He wrapped his arms around himself and realized he was shivering although he didn't know if it was from the cold or his thoughts.
-----------------------
Ducky watched Tony work from several feet away. He'd been spending nearly all of his time working in the basement but, fortunately, it seemed that his duties kept him at his desk for the moment. Ducky had been growing more and more concerned with Tony's behavior in the past week. Both Abby and Timothy had come to him as well since Tony continually refused their company. He looked him over and noted that he was a bit pale and that he did, indeed, look tired. With Tony's history of nightmares that in itself wasn't surprising. What he didn't care for, however, was Tony's uncustomary quiet. It was as though happiness itself was being slowly leached from the boy. Much of that could be attributed to Jethro's absence. The two men shared a very deep relationship made more so by Tony's recent tribulations. And although he, too, had been rebuffed by Tony recently he was determined to try again.
"Hello, Tony," he said cheerfully.
Tony was not unaware that he was being watched. He seemed to be hyperaware of it lately. He did his best to ignore it unless someone came up into his face like now. He heard the footsteps approach and steeled himself for another confrontation or at the very least, a walk-by death by disgust. When he realized it was Ducky he was only mildly relieved.
"Hi, Ducky," he said casually. He wanted desperately to put on a happy face for his friend, or at least an expression that would ward off the worry he could see in the kind blue eyes but he just didn't have the energy. A little voice at the back of his head was telling him to just spill everything to Ducky but his tongue was stilled by his shame at what was happening and the threat to his friends. Besides, he should be able to handle it. And, as embarrassing as it was to admit it to himself, Jethro would be home soon and he'd be able to help.
"You haven't come to see me in a while, Tony. I was wondering if anything is amiss." Ducky opened gently hoping Tony would let him in.
"I've just been busy, Ducky...you know, lots of open cases and I'm helping out some of the other teams." Tony said despite the disbelieving look in Ducky's eyes. "I'm fine, Ducky...really. I've just been busy."
"No, I don't think so, Tony. I'm very worried about you. In fact, the entire team is..."
"Ducky, I said I'm fine." Tony said more forcefully. He didn't need the entire team worried about him and there was no way in hell he would tell them about what was happening...about what had happened. He needed to get away. He grabbed some papers and stood up.
"I've got to go, Ducky. I'll call you about dinner." Then he turned and walked away without another word.
Ducky watched him leave with a worried look on his face. "Oh, dear," was all he said.
And all the while Tony withdrew more and more as the harassment continued. He'd even gone so far as to report it to Jenny thinking she'd have to respond because of her position if nothing else, but nothing had come of it. It became clear why when the harassment became more overt and from more than the unknown source, it was from Jenny herself.
In his worry and declining condition, Tony had begun finding small errors in his work that he didn't remember making. The bad thing was that Jenny was now scrutinizing him and his work very closely. She lost no opportunity to let him know her opinion of the quality of his work and that she considered him worthless as an agent. Her disparaging comments and blistering looks shook what was left of Tony's confidence in himself, especially since she didn't hesitate to state her opinion in front of other workers.
Tony was screwing up badly and he knew it, he didn't need Jenny shoving that fact in his face. He had enough of that from Perkins and then you could throw the FBI into the mix when you considered Sacks. That scumbag Sacks came by with Fornell who'd gone to speak with the Director. Sacks decided to hang around Tony's area all the while giving him evil looks and saying crude things under his breath. Tony was so pissed off he was seeing red. Tony could only assume that it had been that distraction that caused him to make the worst mistake of his career.
Since Jenny was so unhappy with the quality of work she was seeing with the cold cases, she'd assigned him to work solely with another team. While working their case the Team Lead asked Tony to help log some evidence and then take it to Abby. Somehow, while he was getting the paperwork ready the evidence disappeared. It caused quite an uproar with the Team Lead and rightfully so. Tony decided to resign saving Jenny the trouble of firing him.
But before he could do that the Director made the announcement about the successful completion of the JTF. Tony gave a heartfelt sigh at the thought of Jethro coming home but then he began to think about having to tell Jethro of his fuck-ups. But he'd understand, wouldn't he? Wait, what was he thinking? Had Jethro ever allowed for a fuck-up on his team? No. He went through agents like cups of coffee.
He was just over eight months along and had secretly been worrying about Jethro not being home for the birth. And not just that, he really wanted to be married when he had the baby. But with his record in life so far, both personally and in his career, there was no way all of those hopes he'd stupidly allowed himself to have would pan out. And the thought of the censure in those blue eyes made him sick. He thought it couldn't get any worse. Until Jenny took him aside.
"They're returning to DC, Tony. There'll be a recognition ceremony but Jethro asked me to tell you that he doesn't want you to attend."
Tony felt like his world had completely collapsed. In their time apart Jethro had obviously decided that Tony was the detriment that everyone here had been saying he was. Plus he didn't want to be seen with Tony, not in a politically charged atmosphere that the ceremony represented, probably not in public at all. You knew it wouldn't last, idiot, he told himself. But somehow he'd held on to the hope that it would despite all of his experience.
Numb, Tony nodded. It was time for him to leave and not just for the day. He'd already been placed on half-days, Stan being very unhappy with Tony's blood pressure and sleep habits and he'd even threatened him with complete bedrest for the remainder of his pregnancy if he didn't pull himself out of the stressful situation he was in. Right now he couldn't even face Gerry and had canceled his last two appointments. So that made the decision for Tony. He'd obviously been wrong about coming back to work. He should have seen it coming and maybe that notice he'd received from his lawyer had been a sign, like an omen. He nodded to himself and left the Director, going back to his desk.
Jenny watched him walk away noting the rounded shoulders and halting step. She'd done it, she was sure of it. Tony would leave and Jethro would be back soon and then it would be just the two of them, the way it was before. She raised her hand to her temple and felt the tic beginning in her eye. She refused to believe what her doctor had told her, what Ducky had confirmed. It wasn't right, it couldn't be...not after everything she'd planned, everything she'd put in motion so that she and Jethro could be together. No, she refused to accept it but she did need another pill for the pain even if she'd taken one only two hours earlier. It was all right, she told herself, everything would be alright...
In a few minutes Tony had his second resignation typed up and sent out to the Director. He'd leave now and go to the bank and he was set. He didn't even need to worry about finding a job. How perfect was that? He told himself almost manically. Although his father's trial had yet to be finished, Tony's part was done. The one good thing that had come out of the trial so far was that he found out that there was a trust fund left to him by his mother that had nothing to do with DiNozzo's money, which was good since all of both DiNozzo's and Gianni's assets had been seized. His lawyer had told him that if he didn't choose to claim it then it would revert to Clive Paddington's descendents. It had shocked him to learn of it but it couldn't have come at a better time. He accepted it and then found out later that he now had nearly 5 million to his name. It was just a drop in the bucket when compared to the DiNozzo fortune but more than enough for him and his baby to find another life together. Without a word to anyone else, Tony left.