Chapter 4
Tony kept his face turned away while he began his story. He knew he couldn't maintain eye contact with Gibbs and say what he needed to.
"It was about two days before we caught a break in our last case. You were still out at Annapolis with McGee so Ziva and I called it a night. We were going to meet with you in the morning and then I was late and you got pissed and all I could think about was what my father's response would be." Tony stopped and looked at Gibbs. "See, my father had sent his goons with a message. I woke up with those bastards standing around my bed and I never even heard them come in. They said my father wanted to see me, that I needed to go with them because there was something that had to be done and that I was the only one who could do it. Well, you can imagine how that went over, right? I told you that my father disowned me when I was 12? So I told them to go to hell and when they finally left I got ready and came into work. But I knew, I knew it wasn't over."
Tony paused and took a sip of his tea but Gibbs doubted that he was even aware of what it was he was drinking.
'I got a call the day I left. It was my father and he asked if I knew where my pretty little coworker was and wouldn't it be a shame if I didn't grab my things and meet him at my place. When I got there I saw movers packing up all my stuff. My father was sitting at my dining table looking at pictures of Ziva and Abby and I knew then and there that my life was over."
Tony stopped for a bit to wipe at his swollen eye, but Gibbs knew he needed to wipe both. He wasn't going to push him. Gibbs knew he'd tell him what he needed to. As it turned out, they both needed some breaks in the telling of his story. After a sip of his smoothie, Tony continued.
"Just before we left my apartment he had me sign my resignation, said he'd have his lawyers deliver it to Jenny. Then we left my place, or what used to be my place, and drove to the airport. My father had his jet waiting to take us out to his place in the Hamptons. He never said a word the whole way. I tried to ask but he kept putting me off saying my brother needed to be there. God he pissed me off. He'd just turned my life upside down, threatened my friends and he wasn't telling me why. He just did what he'd done to me my whole life when he wasn't hitting me, he ignored me. No matter what I said it was like I didn't even exist."
Tony's voice had gone quiet as he tried to deal with that pain. Gibbs was busy trying to calm myself. DiNozzo Sr. had kidnapped his Senior Agent, threatened his team. He was livid.
"Tony?"
"No, Gibbs, let me get through this."
After a few more deep breaths Gibbs nodded. "Okay."
"When we got back to the house we went into the study. My brother was already there, waiting. I never told you about Michael, I guess I never really considered him my brother. It's obvious he never considered me his." Tony stopped for a moment as though considering how much to say. He turned his face further away from Gibbs and began talking to the dresser.
"You should probably know a little bit about my history to fully understand how this could happen, I guess. He's older than me, from my father's first marriage. Michael was ten when I was born. I suppose my father figured he needed a mother around after his first wife died, but that never seemed to work. He didn't exactly choose a motherly type. Mom was pretty much ignored as long as the house ran smoothly. I suppose you could say that she had me so that she wouldn't be ignored anymore. But it didn't work out that way and we both learned how much we didn't matter. It was alright for awhile. It was just Mom and me but then Mom took up drinking and that my father wouldn't ignore and I took up hiding out with the staff because Mom got mean when she drank and my father was just plain mean all the time but no one seemed to notice that except me. Our housekeeper, Rosario, was good at bandaging me up, taking me to the doctor when she couldn t fix me up herself but no one ever said anything about it.
"God, Tony... "
His hand went up, forestalling anything Gibbs might say. He just needed to get this out. Gibbs had to let him.
"I tried to get a hold of my medical records, told my family that I needed it for the sports physical in college. But there weren't any records except those that could be explained away like the broken arm from falling off my bike, or the concussion from falling out of my tree house."
"You told me once you never had a tree house."
"I didn't." Tony's voice was flat, Gibbs couldn't see his eyes and that bothered him but he couldn't change it.
"Michael had just graduated from college when my mother died. I'd just turned twelve. He stood next to me at the funeral, he even patted my head. He left the next day and I got sent to boarding school once Dad let me know how things were going to be from then on. I never saw him again until that day in the library. He never said a word when I walked in. Michael just handed my father and me a drink and they toasted. "DiNozzo" was all they said and we all drank. "God!" Tony barked out a laugh but there was nothing of humor in it. He continued speaking but his voice began climbing and his breathing got faster.
"You'd think I'd learn that you never to take anything from the hand of an enemy." He turned tear-filled eyes to Gibbs and gestured down with a wave of his hand, his breaths speeding up. "I woke up weeks later only to find myself pregnant and no longer Anthony Dante DiNozzo, but Anthony Dante Constantino." Tony turned a bright smile to Gibbs which almost looked real if you didn't see the nearly manic glint in his eyes. "Can you believe it? I slept through both my marriage and impregnation. Although why I still had my cock I didn't learn until much later...
That last thought brought about a mirthless bark of laughter that degenerated into pained gasps as he began to hyperventilate and Gibbs grabbed him by the shoulders, the breakfast tray went crashing to the floor. "Tony! Take it easy, I've got you, breathe slowly, come on..." It was then that Gibbs heard Ducky call up the stairs. A moment later he hurried into the room.
"Oh dear, oh dear, my poor boy!"
Gibbs was on the bed holding Tony down while he fought the panic attack. He looked into his eyes and ordered him to breathe more slowly. Tony stared back, in the morning light his eyes were an impossible green and glittered with tears as they locked onto Gibbs.
"It's going to be alright, you hear me? It. Will. Be. Alright."
Ducky didn't say anything as he prepared another injection. Tony saw the needle and pulled away with a moaned nooo but Gibbs held him securely, shushing quietly into his ear.
"Now this won't put you to sleep, Tony. It's merely to help you relax.
Gibbs didn't need to see the needle go into his arm to know he'd been sedated. Those long lashes fluttered a couple of times and then the eyes closed forcing more tears to drip into Tony's hair.
"It's going to be alright, baby. I promise." Gibbs used his thumb to wipe the tears from his face and then settled him down onto the bed.
"God, Ducky, his family did this to him, his father..." And at that moment Gibbs swore he would kill Michael DiNozzo Sr. and quite probably Michael Jr. as well. Tony never spoke much about his family but Gibbs knew that the blame for all of his insecurities could be laid right at his father's door.
Ducky pulled out a blood pressure cuff and a stethoscope as he looked Tony over. "Jethro, I would dearly love a cup of tea. Would you be so kind?"
"Sure, Duck. I'll be back in a bit." Gibbs was grateful that Ducky knew him so well. He really needed to step away for a minute before he exploded. But even Gibbs knew he shouldn't do that in front of Tony. He was worked up enough as it is. Gibbs could feel two sets of eyes on him as he left the room and he knew that Tony knew how angry he was.
When Gibbs got back with the tea he was a bit more in control. And he needed to hear the rest of the story.
"I'm sorry, Gibbs, the hormones have got me all messed up." Tony's eyes were half-closed while Gibbs put the tea down on the nightstand near Ducky.
"Never say you're sorry," he began but stopped at Tony;s smile. He knew all of Gibbs' rules backwards and forwards.
Gibbs sat back in the chair and watched Tony for a moment, knowing he needed to gather himself to finish saying what he wanted to say.
"Do you need me to leave, Tony?" Ducky asked quietly.
Gibbs was concentrating so much on Tony's face that Ducky's words surprised him a bit. He'd almost forgotten he was there.
"No, you can stay." Tony took a deep breath and continued his story.
"Like I said, I woke up like this and I was confused and sore and angry as hell. It was Michael who came by later. Said he figured I needed at least a little bit of information but mostly I think he wanted to rub it in. Anyway, it turns out there was an up and coming face in my father's dark world and Michael implied that a connection with this guy would be beneficial to the Family. Now I don't know any specifics about what my father's into so don't ask. Up until he showed up that day, I hadn't spoken with him since I was 12 and all I knew then was that I wasn't supposed to ask any questions. It was a lesson I learned really well."
The pain and bitterness was obvious even though Gibbs knew Tony was trying to relay his story as unemotionally as possible.
"Anyway, Michael said that Gianni Constantino wanted in on the business but that he'd come to my father and offered a deal. He wanted what my father had, he wanted to be connected by both Family and business to help him become legit. In return he'd fund some negotiations my father was working. Only I know how these guys think. Gianni wanted in on the family itself figuring if he had a personal tie to the DiNozzos that my father wouldn't act against him. So he wanted to marry into the family. The only problem is that there aren't any females. Actually, Michael and I are the last and Michael hasn't married. But he knew that, you see? Somehow he learned I existed and he went to my father with a proposal. You get the throw-away son, fix him up so that he can have babies, and there's the answer: a baby who actually has both DiNozzo and Constantino genes and everybody's happy. Well, everyone except me, of course, the throw-away son who I find out later is slated to mysteriously die in childbirth."
Tony dropped his head down, the telling of his story through a clenched jaw taking more out of him than he thought but he had to finish. He figured Gibbs deserved the whole sordid story so that he could see how lucky he actually was that Tony had left.
"God, I never knew he outright hated me that much. I always knew I was a disappointment to him. 'A worthless waste of breath' was his favorite way to refer to me."
Tony closed his eyes and Gibbs thought he was done but then he began to speak again, very softly.
"I found out that my father had told Thuergenson to do a whole lot more than just fixing me up so that I could get pregnant,you know, cut it all off since he pretty much figured that since I liked to spread my legs for men's cocks that I didn't need one of my own." Then Tony seemed to find a bit more strength and he turned to Gibbs only now he had a huge fake grin plastered across his face that hurt Gibbs to see.
"Only it turns out that Gianni had a different idea because, get this, he's gay, too! He never wanted a wife, just a son and a way into the DiNozzo world. Then I come along and he figures he has the best of both worlds. After all, it's not like I'm going to be appearing at his side at parties or anything. So, on the sly he makes sure Thuergenson doesn't remove anything he isn't supposed to and supposedly everything is great. Well, up until my belly started to get bigger and I started growing tits. But really, that was actually a good thing, me looking like a pregnant female ape."
That's what Gianni said he looked like and that it disgusted him. Tony figured it probably disgusted Gibbs, too. Again Tony looked away but he picked up the edge of the sheet and started to worry it between his fingers. He had to finish this. He had to make is so that Gibbs wouldn't look for him, that he'd know Tony just wasn't worth it. He ignored the startled gasps that the other men made and continued speaking.
"You see, Gianni was fucking me pretty regularly until that point." Tony knew better than to use the word rape, that would have Gibbs trying to protect him rather than let him go. "But like I said, Gibbs, you know I was never one to keep my mouth shut. God, I learned really quickly about which buttons to push and Gianni's got a hell of a temper. So when the doc told him that his brand of penetrative sex was endangering the baby, he started beating on me instead although he never hit my stomach. He wanted the baby too much."
Gibbs was struck dumb. He couldn't comprehend how DiNozzo could have given Tony to that bastard, how he could do something like this to his own child at all. Ducky, on the other hand, was immediately struck by Tony's description of himself. Were those Constantino's words or his own?
"Tony, why'd you push him? He was only going to hurt you." Gibbs asked even though he knew the answer. Tony had no doubt found a chink in Constantino's armor and he had exploited it, even if it had been to his own detriment. Gibbs, too, would have looked for any weakness to use against his captor.
Tony just shook his head and shrugged his shoulders. He wanted so badly to tell Gibbs that he'd done it deliberately as a means towards one specific type of escape. He was hoping Gianni would kill him. But he didn't want Gibbs to think he was still suicidal. No way would Gibbs let him go if he thought Tony would endanger an unborn child. In reality, those thoughts had been fleeting at best whenever he contemplated bringing another baby into his family's fucked up world. And, as crazy as it sounded, up until that point he was sure there was an alien of some type growing inside of him just like in a movie. But then something happened to change his plans. He caught a glimpse of the ultrasound that he'd been avoiding like mad. And at that moment, when he saw a real baby growing inside of him, it had all changed.
Tony stopped for a bit and looked down at his belly, stroking it softly. "Because I was done with him touching me like that, I'm done with men," he lied and looked straight at Gibbs. "I'd rather have him hitting me except that it might have hurt the baby. Everybody wants this baby, but especially me, Gibbs. Because I'm going to make sure that no matter what he's like, he's going to know that I love him, that I want him, and not just because of his genes or anything else. But I couldn't run the risk of Gianni hurting the baby, Gibbs. He was getting more vicious every time he beat me regardless of whether or not I opened my mouth. So I ran. But I know Gianni's looking for me. I had to warn everyone."
Gibbs guts twisted in anguish not only at Tony's story but at his assertion that he was done with men, done with him. But those hazel green eyes were swimming in tears and Gibbs didn't hesitate to move to the bed and put his arms around him. He patted Tony in a gentle way,he could do friendship if that's all Tony wanted despite how much it hurt.
"I've warned everyone, Tony. Does Constantino know you'd come here?"
"No. He didn't know much about me personally, just knew that I'd been a cop, but I'm sure he'll figure it out soon if he hasn't already."
Tony dropped his head down onto Gibbs' shoulder, allowing himself that small bit of comfort. Comfort would be hard to find in the coming months.
Gibbs knew Tony was exhausted and he couldn't blame him. He'd been in hell for months but that was over. He needed to make sure of that.
"Wouldn't DiNozzo tell him where to look?"
That earned Gibbs a small smile but he didn't know why.
"Gianni won't go to my father over this. It would hurt his pride to say that he couldn't keep me under control. Not to mention the fact that Gianni's not too pleased that my father tried to have me fixed, so to speak. As far as my father's concerned he'd figure this probably wouldn't have happened if they'd cut my balls off to begin with." Tony leaned back out of Gibbs' arms with his eyes closed, almost too tired to continue. "But chances are that my father already knows. I'm sure he's got a set of eyes in Gianni's house. Like I said, I don't have any specifics but I think that my leaving messed up a timetable for a deal so they'll probably come to heads over that and Gianni will lose. Gibbs, you should probably give Fornell a head's up that something's going down with the Families, probably soon." There, he told himself. Now Gibbs knew about his family and he could concentrate on that end. And eventually Gibbs would understand why he had to go, why he needed to let him go. He was used goods.
"Okay, Tony, that's enough for now. You need to get some sleep." Gibbs patted Tony's hair once more and then helped him settle back on the bed. It took only moments before Tony settled back into sleep. With a glance at Ducky who just nodded and then settled into his chair, Gibbs moved downstairs to make a couple of calls.