Chapter 21
Jenny paused to rub her hand over her eyes. Her head was hurting so badly she was having trouble seeing. You've been on the computer for hours...of course your head hurts! She pulled out the pill bottle and took two more pills doubling the dosage and ignoring her shaking hands. Damn! They were nearly gone...it was supposed to last thirty days, but it hadn't been that long since she'd seen her oncologist, had it? She closed her eyes again. She needed to finish this but it was taking her longer than she thought to change the data on the digital recorders in the office. She smiled slightly knowing that everyone thought McGee was the only computer wizard around. She knew a thing or two and had changed those moments when Perkins or Watts had been caught on film leaving things on Tony's desk. Fortunately it wasn't too much, she knew exactly where the camera angles were and had placed Tony at one of the few spots where his desk wouldn't be completely within frame. She'd also doctored the film from the hallway where Tony had been pulled into the utility closet. It really helped to have not only her knowledge but her security clearance. McGee simply didn't have the access and wouldn't unless she specifically granted it to him.
She again rubbed her head not knowing that those same areas were reddened and inflamed from her constant rubbing. Weeks before her oncologist had recommended several treatments for her tumor but his prognosis had been so bad that she'd found no reason to put herself through the hardship. She had, literally, fucked herself over yet again. In her more lucid moments, like now, she acknowledged where she'd screwed up her life and also acknowledged her hatred for one Anthony D. DiNozzo who had what she desperately wanted, namely Leroy Jethro Gibbs, and had decided that if she couldn't have him than neither would Tony.
And now that Tony was gone she could finish documenting Tony's record of failure. She'd never filed his duty restriction paperwork and instead had documented his absenteeism along with all of the errors he'd made in his work. The disappearing evidence had been the coup de grace. She'd had Walker, the Team Lead whose evidence was now missing, prepare his statement that had effectively crucified Tony. And now she had at least two days to finish getting everything set to her satisfaction. So, saying that, she got back to work.
She finished the last recording and then reviewed her "Record of Counseling" notes that she, as a supervisor, would keep in Tony's personnel file. On those files she'd documented Tony's unhappiness with his current situation and their mutual agreement that he would benefit from his resignation. It was all a fabrication, of course, but the very real resignation that Tony had sent from his computer confirmed the supporting documentation. She smiled. Who knew that Agent Sacks was so adept at forgery? Tony's signature on the counseling forms looked very good to her practiced eye. She wondered if Fornell knew of Sacks ability and if he'd made use of that fact. She doubted it. He wasn't the leader Jethro was.
Thoughts of Jethro made her flash back to the time when she worked with him and again she kicked herself for what she'd done with her life. First it was by letting Jethro go in place of her grand scheme to rise through the ranks. It was years later that she'd begun to regret not having the family she'd wanted in her younger years. A family that she'd sometimes fantasized having with Jethro. When everything had fallen apart between them due to her own ambition she'd pushed all thoughts of a normal life to the back burner and concentrated on her career. Then she received an appointment that brought so many possibilities. She became the Director of NCIS and had Jethro working for her. Suddenly many of those old dreams had begun to reemerge. So she watched Jethro daily, watched the interaction of his team and watched while he occasionally dated some women but never for long. It gave her hope. She'd learned of his failed marriages and decided that there was still a place for her with their past history and her hair color, if nothing else. Until the day that she realized how happy Jethro was. Then she became obsessed with finding out why only to determine that there was someone new in Jethro's life.
It wasn't until Tony had left that she'd finally figured it out and then she rejoiced at her dumb luck. Here was the opportunity she needed to get closer to Jethro and she was determined to make the most of it. She began to insinuate herself into his personal life, ignoring his gentle rebuffs at her suggestions. Yes, his rejection became more pointed later on, but she was sure of her eventual success. So involved was she in her campaign to secure Jethro's affections she'd ignored many subtle signs that said she should seek medical attention. It wasn't until they became impossible to ignore that she finally sought medical help. But by then it was too late and she realized that she had thereby fucked herself over in the worst and most final of ways. The tumor they'd found was inoperable and by waiting so long her chances with chemotherapy or radiation were nil. She had only to wait until the inevitable occurred, taking medications to ease her pain along the way.
Bullshit. She had plans for her end but not before she could finish what she'd started here. If she couldn't have Paris than neither could Jethro or Tony, if he even knew what it meant.
Paris...ah, Paris...the romantic dinners, the moments of lovemaking, the memory of which still having the power to take her breath away. Who would have known that a lowly Marine from Stillwater, PA could have achieved so much? Jethro was not only a decorated Marine, top-notch sniper and a superior investigator, but he was also superlative as a lover, a man whose intensity and stamina was beyond anything she'd ever experienced before or since. God, she wanted him and could feel herself getting moist at her memories. The throbbing in her pussy suddenly matched the pounding in her head and she grimaced but she couldn't stop thinking about Jethro and she again rubbed her head.
I can't have him but neither will Tony...no one will have him...no one...I can make sure of that. Without further thought she stood up and suddenly realized that she was cradling her gun in her hands. Maybe this is the answer...no one would have Jethro except me. I could find Tony...kill him...or maybe take Jethro with me... The erratic thoughts clamored in her brain and she was unaware of Cynthia walking into her office and quickly departing as she remained locked in her mental loop all the while staring at the gun she held in her shaking hands.
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Gibbs stormed back into NCIS, his long coat flapping around him as he charged up the stairs with murder in his eyes. He was waylaid by Ducky at the top of the stairs.
"Not now, Duck..." he growled in warning but Ducky knew him far too well to be dissuaded.
"Jethro, you must know something before you go up...please listen to me for just a moment..."
Gibbs gave him an infuriated look but nodded and Ducky pulled him aside. With extreme apologies for not realizing how far Jenny's disease had progressed, Ducky decided to break patient/doctor confidentiality and tell Jethro just what was wrong with Jenny and what he suspected Jenny had done.
"So you see, Jethro, her illness has no doubt completely changed her personality, affecting her behavior to the point where she will not stop until she has that over which she is obsessing...you, Jethro. From what we've learned here recently all of her efforts have been geared towards eliminating Tony from your life. I suppose we're lucky she didn't choose to just kill the poor boy."
Oh, God, Gibbs thought. She may not have killed him physically, but who knows what emotional state he must be in... His chest ached with the thought of the pain he had gone through all alone. It was Gibbs job to protect him and he had failed and the knowledge tore him apart. He didn't know if he could ever make Tony believe in them again but he knew he would die trying.
"Okay, Ducky, you're with me..."
Together the two men went upstairs but not before Gibbs, now in a more controlled state of mind, contacted McGee. As it turned out McGee was busy sitting on Abby to keep her from killing Jenny herself while Ziva continued the search. Gibbs had half a mind to let her, but he really wanted that pleasure for himself. It was through Ziva's efforts that he found out about the trust fund which answered the question about where Tony had gotten the money.
Once Abby realized that Gibbs was taking on the Director she calmed down enough help McGee and Ziva find Tony and then to find out what, exactly, she'd done to him.
Cynthia stood nervously as they marched into the office. Gibbs could see that she, too, was under a lot of strain. Why the hell didn't anyone question any of this? Gibbs gestured towards Jenny's office with his head.
"Yes, but it's not good," she answered quietly, accustomed to Gibbs' mannerisms. Then she turned to Ducky. "Dr. Mallard, I've been trying to reach you...I'm really worried. She's talking to herself and rubbing her head...before I left the office she, uhh, pulled out her gun..."
Gibbs put his hands on her shoulders as he calmed her. "Get security up here and then get SecNav on the line. This isn't going to be pretty..."
He turned to hear Ducky telling Palmer to bring his medical bag. Gibbs knew he kept sedatives in there...he'd used them on Tony before. But Sweet God above, he wanted to kill her. The desire to crush the life out of her churned in his stomach and he seriously regretted Ducky waylaying him. He didn't want to know that she was sick, damnit! She was the reason Tony had left him...again. God only knows what shape he and the baby were in. He ran a hand over his face. He needed to push all this aside...he needed to deal with a sick woman...an armed sick woman. Fuck! And with a determination that physically hurt he pushed his emotions down as deeply as he could to allow himself to deal with the situation and then he could concentrate on finding Tony.
He succeeded. But only because both Stan and Gerry were positive that Tony wouldn't hurt himself... he wouldn't put the baby at risk.
Security arrived a moment later and he told them to wait outside the door while he and Ducky went in. They nodded, their weapons in hand. And with the emotionless clarity his training allowed him, Gibbs opened the door enough to see what was happening. He saw her standing beside her desk staring at her weapon which she held across both of her palms, not as though she were ready to use it but as though she were contemplating the weapon itself. With his body turned so that Jenny wouldn't immediately see his arm down holding his weapon ready, he entered slowly.
"Hi, Jenny..."
At his entrance she looked up. Gibbs saw a strained and confused look on her face.
"Jethro, what are you doing here? You weren't due back for two days..."
Jenny was pale with a fine sheen of sweat on her forehead. He noted her dilated pupils and slightly wavering stance. Gibbs moved further into the office leaving the door open. He moved over to the couch taking her attention with him but keeping his gun hand behind him.
"Yeah...decided to cut out as soon as I could..." He saw her eyes narrow.
"Missing Tony?" she asked pointedly.
"Actually wanted to talk to you, Jen. I've been doing a lot of thinking, a lot of remembering..." he trailed off and shrugged his shoulders.
Jenny's eyes lit up. "About Paris?"
Gibbs nodded.
She closed her eyes with a slight smile on her face as though remembering their time there. Gibbs took that moment to put his gun in his coat pocket, deciding in that split second that he wanted her alive.
"Yeah, among other things..." He needed to get close enough to get the gun away from her.
"You mean Tony..."
Gibbs saw her hand tighten around the grip. He moved closer and noted the tic in her eye and the lines of pain across her forehead and around her mouth. She must be in agony, he thought. He looked down and saw an empty pill bottle. How could this thing have progressed so far without anyone knowing it, without anyone questioning her actions?
"I just don't know what to do, Jen. I've made promises to him, promises I've been thinking about..."
"What is it you want, Jethro?" she asked suddenly suspicious.
Gibbs looked at her with all the longing he could. "Paris," he said.
Jenny was amazed. Could it be this easy? God, she could have done this so long ago...so much time wasted. She looked deeply into the blue eyes she loved and saw hope and she smiled, again getting lost in her fantasy.
"Yes...Paris. I've been working on getting that back for us."
"Yeah? How?" he asked as he moved closer still.
"I've taken care of him for you...he's gone now..."
Gibbs was close enough now and he smiled at her. "It can be just like it was..." he began and he opened his arms.
Jenny couldn't believe it, everything she wanted was right here. She didn't really notice as her shaking hands were emptied. All she knew was that those strong arms she'd remembered were wrapped around her, Gibbs' scent filled her nostrils and she closed her eyes as the pain faded slightly. She jumped slightly at the pinprick in her arm but she was where she was meant to be and she closed her eyes in happiness as the pain faded away, as the light faded away...
Jethro held onto Jenny as she slumped in his arms, his heart and mind in turmoil. It was then that he felt how much weight she'd lost. How did things get so messed up?
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"Gibbs, law enforcement has located Tony's car," Ziva said as soon as she found Gibbs exiting MTAC. He'd just explained the situation to SecNav who was sending someone out to take over the investigation which was fine with him. Gibbs just wanted to get to Tony.
"Where?" Gibbs barked as he ran downstairs with Ziva hot on his heels.
"A hotel three hours from here," she said as she handed him a slip of paper. She turned to grab her bag but Gibbs stopped her. He saw McGee come up behind her so he included him in his instructions.
"I go alone. You two stay here and dig through everything Jenny has. I want to know exactly what she did and who helped her. She couldn't have done this alone. Call me on my cell when you've got something. Until then go to Ducky. Questions?"
Both agents shook their heads but McGee hesitated.
"You sure, Boss? Well of course you're sure, but..."
"Spit it out, McGee..." Gibbs said as he threw his coat on.
McGee straightened before speaking. "Maybe Ducky should go with you. Tony really didn't look good and it's our fault that it went so far."
There, he'd said it and remained nearly at attention waiting to be razed to the ground for their failure to watch over Tony.
Gibbs stopped although ever fiber of his being was urging him to ignore the words and just go but McGee and Ziva were part of his family, too. He controlled his voice as best he could but it still came out as a near-growl.
"A lot happened while I was gone. I don't know what you should have known or not...both Jenny and Tony are good at hiding things. Just dig through everything and we'll figure it all out together, got that?" He turned to go but turned and pointed at both agents. "You call me!" he ordered as he left taking the stairs rather than wait for the elevator.
"Yes, Boss..."
"Of course, Gibbs..."
Ziva and Tim answered simultaneously to the rapidly departing Gibbs. With a final look at one another they broke apart, Tim to his computer to begin an electronic search of Jenny's files and Ziva to do an office search. They would not fail Gibbs and Tony again, they each swore to themselves.
Chapter 22
Gibbs drove through the early evening. As he drove he muttered imprecations and occasionally slammed his hands on the wheel completely ignoring the honking of horns and squeal of tires as usual.
Jenny was sedated and being transported to Bethesda. He was torn. God, he wanted to kill her and at the same time he grieved for the loss of the woman he used to consider a friend. But she was beyond his help right now. His priority was Tony. First he had to find him and then he had to convince him that none of what happened was his fault. It had all been Jenny. He damned her under his breath again.
Two hours later his cell phone rang and he answered. The fact that it was Ducky calling told him that neither Ziva nor McGee wanted to be the ones to relay what they'd found. He listened for a bit and then suddenly slammed on his brakes and pulled to the side of the road amidst the sound of angry horns. There was no way he could drive with what he was hearing.
"You tell them to hold Perkins and Watts. I'll question them when I get back, understand?" he yelled but then stopped to continue to listen. He ran his hand over his face. What Ducky told him made him want to vomit. The day he left was when Tony had been molested right there at NCIS and Tony had hid it from him. He'd hid everything he'd been going through although he had reported it...to Jenny. They found his reports in her desk and Cynthia had confirmed that nothing had been done with them.
He wondered how they'd found Perkins and Watts but then Ducky filled him in. They'd found personnel files for Perkins and Watts, a mailroom employee, in her desk. Although it wasn't inconceivable for her to have Perkins' file despite the fact that his direct supervisor was another Team Lead, there really was no reason for her to have Watts' file. Reading both they found similarities in their backgrounds and evaluations, similarities indicating severe homophobia, something Jenny knew she could exploit.
"It seems, Jethro, that Jenny did quite a bit of background research to have found these two individuals."
"Yeah, she was always good at that," Gibbs sighed, again feeling remorse for the loss of someone who used to be a good agent.
Ducky continued with a detailed account of what McGee had found out so far in interrogation. At the back of his head Gibbs was proud that McGee had taken it upon himself to begin the interrogation but what he had found out had Gibbs' face pale with rage. Ducky finished with some more along the lines of being calm enough to drive and deal with Tony without causing further stress. Gibbs was breathing heavily but he listened and he forced himself to settle down. He ended the call and got back on the road driving even faster than before. He had a local LEO tailing him with lights once but a quick radio call had the officer halt his pursuit and veer off. There were no further problems.
While he drove he considered what Ducky had told him. From what they knew so far it was obvious that Jenny had used the report given to her by Dr. Garcia to form her plan. He didn't blame the doctor. As Director, Jenny had access to quite a bit of personal information and not just for the agents...she could access any NCIS employee file. The information was just never intended to be used like this. And if her plan was as thorough as he thought it was considering her abilities, he had a rough job ahead of him. And then he damned himself for not killing her when he had the chance.
Gibbs pulled into the parking lot of a chain hotel and met with the two local officers who'd responded to the BOLO.
"We can back you up, Agent Gibbs or if you need more officers I can radio that in..." he offered.
"No, thanks. I have to do this alone."
The two officers looked at one another. They didn't know who the fugitive was but no law officer should go into any situation without backup. "Agent Gibbs..."
Gibbs raised his hand. "This man isn't a felon. He has vital information and...he's ill," he lied. Well, partially at any rate. After another token protest the officers left and Gibbs turned to the desk clerk.
"I want a key."
"Ill, huh?" the clerk smirked as he grabbed master key card. "He's one of those perverts who got himself pregnant..."
His words were stopped by Gibbs' fists in his shirt. "What room?" he growled at the now frightened man.
"Uhh, 242...go left and then up the stairs and right at the ice..." the clerk nearly pissed himself at the sight of those blue eyes boring holes in his head. When would he learn to shut his trap like his wife always told him?
"Show me!" Gibbs barked as he pulled the man out from behind his desk.
"Yes, sir...this way, sir," the man babbled as he ran with Gibbs' hold on his bicep pushing him along.
When they got to the room Gibbs growled ‘leave' and the man vanished. He used the key card and slowly opened the door to the dim room. He stepped closer, closing the door behind him. His sharp eyes took in the scene before him and what he saw made his chest ache with remorse and sorrow.
Tony lay on the bed curled around a pillow but the anguish he was feeling was obvious on his face. Dried tear tracks and deep lines carved into the smooth brow and around the down-turned mouth testified to the torment he'd suffered. Gibbs could see slight tremors shaking the beloved body as Tony drew in a hitched breath.
The sight brought Gibbs physical pain. "Tony..." he choked out from deep in his body.
The tortured sound was enough to rouse Tony from his sleep. He opened reddened eyes but upon seeing Jethro he shook his head, "No!" His face contorted in a grimace and he crawled backwards on the bed until his back was to the headboard. He kept the pillow in front of him as though it was a shield against the pain that seeing Jethro brought him.
"Gibbs, you have to let me go...it won't work..."
Tony's initial reaction to his presence sent glass-like shards of pain slicing through Gibbs' chest and tears filled his eyes.
"Tony, you have to listen...it was Jenny. She did this to get you away from me. Please, baby, please...I'm begging you to listen to me..."
Tony's eyes widened in shock. Gibbs never said please...and he'd never beg. Oh, God...were those tears in his eyes? He shook his head, this wasn't real...he was still dreaming. But regardless of whether or not this was a dream, Gibbs wanted him to listen so he did.
He nodded his head slowly and Gibbs took a step forward with his hands out in a calming gesture. Tony nearly laughed at the textbook move he'd also been trained in...only this time he was the distraught individual in the scenario. I'm losing it, he thought to himself.
"Jenny did this...she set everything up to hurt you, to get you to quit."
Tony's eyes narrowed in confusion, "Why?" This made no sense.
"She's sick...brain tumor. I swear it's true, Tony. She's at Bethesda now."
Gibbs took another step towards the bed but Tony pulled away a bit. That slight movement hurt Gibbs more than he could express. He had to make Tony understand.
"Jenny had Gerry's report, Tony. She knew exactly what buttons to push to accomplish her mission...and that's exactly what this was. A mission to get you to leave me."
Tony looked up into the fathomless eyes, dark in the dim room yet still burning with an intensity that made his heart race. God, he wanted to reach out to Jethro, to feel those arms around him making him feel safe, secure. But he fucked up everything he touched. He looked down at the pillow in his hands and watched as a fat tear dripped from his face to soak into the coarse cloth.
"If I hadn't been so weak, so fucked up..."
"No!" Gibbs nearly shouted but then stopped and took a deep breath. "No," he repeated more softly. "Tony, you can't blame yourself or call it weakness...she pinpointed you. You never stood a chance. If she'd decided to stage her campaign against McGee or Ziva or even Ducky, she still would have succeeded."
"A campaign?" Tony asked. "But why? Why me?"
"Years ago, that thing in Paris I told you about...she fixated on that, wanted it back."
Tony looked down at the pillow he was mutilating. The whole sordid mess was obviously being investigated. That's it, then. Gibbs would learn everything, every fuck-up, the humiliation, every degrading touch and look. Might as well get it over with...
"It wasn't just her..."
"I know about Perkins and Watts, sweetheart. They're in custody right now..."
"There's a third one...I...I don't know wh-who..." Tony choked on that last bit. God, just telling Gibbs made him feel just as dirty as when it had happened.
"I'll find him, Tony. I swear it but you have to believe me...this wasn't your fault. I'm so sorry I wasn't here. God, Tony...can you forgive me?"
Everything he'd ever wanted was right there in the arms that were held open in supplication. But at what point would Gibbs figure he just wasn't worth it? He took a shuddering breath and turned away but this was Gibbs. The man didn't put up with fools and fuck-ups, but Gibbs had never lied to him, had never gone back on his word. Gibbs said he was his boy and he would never have said that if he didn't mean it. He would never say that if he was ashamed of him. He had to trust that there was an explanation for everything. He had to trust Gibbs...had to...
"Never say you're sorry..." he choked out and in two steps Gibbs had his arms around him, desperately kissing him and holding him as he sobbed out his anguish.
"God, Jethro...oh, God...it was worse...than with Gianni..." Tony gasped out as he cried.
Gibbs could understand that...this betrayal was worse than his father's, the molestation worse than Gianni's rape. He'd never trusted his father to watch his back, not like he would another NCIS agent and he never expected anything else from an animal like Gianni. But to have something like this happen at a location where you took your safety for granted, a location filled with people who put their lives on the line to protect others... That betrayal made Gibbs sick to his stomach.
He ran his hands over Tony's back and through his hair murmuring encouragement and soft endearments while he rocked him, the action soothing his own agitation as much as Tony's.
Later, when he'd calmed a bit, Tony lifted his head from Gibbs' shoulder. Gibbs was still running his hand through his hair but paused when Tony looked at him. Tony could see the silvery trails of tears down Gibbs face and he brought his hand up in wonder. Cupping Jethro's face he pulled him down to lick and kiss away the salty evidence of Jethro's remorse.
"It's not your fault, either, Jethro. You can't hold my hand for the rest of my life. I have to be strong...I have to be able to take care of myself."
Jethro caught Tony's hand in his and held it.
"Tony, listen to me, okay? You are strong...no, I said listen to me," he reiterated when Tony turned away. He didn't continue until Tony was again looking at him. "Right or wrong, you made a decision that I would be better off without you. You made your plans to leave and have your baby by yourself despite the pain it caused you. You are strong, Tony, and you were trying to protect me. You didn't just give up."
"I was running away! Everything I touched was so fucked up and I couldn't do that to you, too. God, I want you to be happy, Jethro, I need you to have a good life..."
"That'd be impossible if you leave. I have no life without you, Tony."
"So many people are against me...against us, Jethro..."
Gibbs held Tony's head in his hands as he tried to make Tony believe what he was saying.
"First of all, Jenny only made it seem that way. It was part of her plan. Tell me...when she was bad-mouthing you...us...were you alone? Or did she do that in front of others?"
"She never hid how she felt about me...not her words or her looks..."
"She was the Director...the highest level of supervision. If she made it plain that she felt that way, of course anyone else who had any problems with us would feel free to express it. Think about it...most people don't express their bias openly because it's not accepted. But she let it happen...she encouraged it!"
"It doesn't change how they feel..."
"Yeah, but who gives a damn? I don't. I only care about you and about our friends. With her illness she lost all sense of professionalism...she let her personal desires dictate her behavior regardless of whether or not it was real. She didn't just hurt you, Tony...she hurt the agency. And she dragged others into it who'll lose their jobs, maybe jail time..."
Gibbs moved his hands down to massage Tony's shoulders. "The point is that she did a lot of damage. SecNav is sending in someone to investigate. This won't be ignored. But if you want to leave, fine, we both leave. I could have retired years ago but a certain fella showed up that made life interesting," he said with a smile at Tony. "Got some land coming to me back in Stillwater, there's a cabin...I could call Jackson, get it fixed up..."
Tony looked at Gibbs to see if he was joking but the intense look was completely serious.
"You'd leave NCIS...retire...for me?"
Gibbs only response was a light smack to the back of his head which made Tony smile. Then Gibbs took his hand in his own and wrapped their fingers together.
"I've already sent in my resignation..." Tony said.
"McGee found it...told him to trash it."
"Trashed...?"
"Yeah, that whole duress thing again. Besides, it never went beyond Jenny but if that's what you want..."
"No! No, I can do this. I want to go back. Besides, I'm getting Perkins and Watts for what they've done. But there's one thing I need to know," Tony said but he looked down at their still entwined hands. "I need to know exactly what you told Jenny to tell me..."
"Which time? All those messages I gave her never made it to you."
"About the ceremony...about my attending."
Jethro stared at him for a moment wondering how Jenny had twisted the message to hurt Tony. He decided to just repeat what he'd said to her.
"I told her to tell you not to worry about it. I never go to those things...you know that. The brass was making a big deal about it but I didn't want you to think it was required. Hell, I left early just to get home to you..." And if I hadn't I might never have found you... And that thought made him tighten his arms around Tony who buried his face in his neck. "What did she say...?"
Tony shook his head not wanting to admit to how he'd taken it. But Jethro was waiting quietly. "That you didn't want me to attend."
Understanding lit Jethro's eyes even as his mouth thinned in anger. "Tony, I'll walk by your side up to the President himself. I am not now and never will be ashamed of you, you got that?"
"Got it, Boss."
"And I'm saying the words, Tony, now and forever until you believe that you're my boy. I love you, Tony. Now and forever." He repeated and felt Tony nodding his head.
"Yours, Jethro...always. I love you."
Jethro held Tony, rocking him softly while he placed small kisses on Tony's hair and against his brow until he felt his body relaxing against him and he knew he'd fallen asleep. He moved slowly until he had his cell phone and he hit the speed dial for Ducky. Whispering, he let Ducky know that all was well and that they'd be back in the morning. Then he moved and shifted until he was comfortable and knew that Tony was, too, and tried to get some sleep.
He'd been running on coffee ever since he'd been given the green light to come home only to find this fucked up situation. And it wasn't over, yet. He needed to get Tony back to see his doctors and also to find out Jenny's status. He should get some sleep. He should, but found himself unable to shut off his brain. He was still silently raging over his inability to protect Tony...twice now.
He could feel the tension building inside of him and knew that deep down he still wanted revenge...revenge for Tony and for himself. But the fact remained that the revenge he wanted so badly was out of his reach. DiNozzo Sr. was sitting in jail probably for the rest of his life but everything in Gibbs screamed that it was too good for him. He smirked at the thought that DiNozzo got what the law decreed but in his heart it wasn't enough despite the fact that he's an officer of the law.
And Jenny was in the hospital. Yes, she's going to die but he didn't think he could find it in himself to forgive her actions. Or to forgive himself. He knew he needed to find some way to deal with the impotent rage and guilt that was eating at him. Bourbon was out but the boat was still there. And of course there's Tony and the baby. But he knew that nothing would be settled until all the bastards that helped Jenny were dealt with as well as Constantino.
He again thought about that moment when he pulled the trigger killing the drug dealer who'd taken Shannon and Kelly from him. It hadn't eased the pain or the loss. It hadn't stopped him from contemplating eating his own gun on more than one occasion. The only thing that had done that had come in a tall, hazel-green-eyed package. The same one he now felt blessed to be holding after the fear of losing him...them...again. It would just take time, he knew. Time they now had and he forced himself to accept that. He had no other choice. He sighed deeply and closed his eyes which were burning from fatigue and forced his body to relax a bit more. He wasn't aware of the moment when sleep claimed him.
Chapter 23
At some point during the night Gibbs got up and undressed before sliding back under the covers and snuggling up to Tony's back. Tony never really woke up but he did push his butt backwards until he was spooned tightly against Gibbs. Gibbs tightened his arms around his lover, cupping one small breast in his hand and whispered ‘my boy' into Tony's nape before sleep again claimed him.
The next morning Gibbs woke up in keeping with his internal alarm clock. Tony was still sound asleep but he looked so fragile, so vulnerable. Gibbs wanted to slide back into bed and wrap him in his arms but he also needed to find some coffee and they needed to get on the road. Gibbs knew he wouldn't be able to relax until Stan had seen Tony. Gerry needed to see him, too. He thought about the night before momentarily reliving that moment when he'd first laid eyes on Tony and he again felt that pain in his chest. Never again, he swore to himself. Never again would Tony go through something like that alone. He was too much of a realist to think that Tony would never again be exposed to narrow-minded people, but he'd make sure that Tony knew he was loved and supported no matter what.
He quickly showered and got dressed and only then did he rouse Tony with a gentle kiss to his temple. Tony rolled over and opened bleary eyes.
"Don' wanna get up...' he murmured sleepily which brought a smile to Gibbs' face.
"I know, sweetheart, but we need to get back. You need to see Stan plus you need some food. When did you eat last?"
Tony had his eyes closed but the small frown told Gibbs he was still awake and thinking.
"Don't remember..."
"That's it then, baby. Get up and jump in the shower. Plenty of hot water if nothing else in this dump, and then food."
Tony dragged himself out of bed. "Too fat to jump anywhere..." he mumbled but made his way into the bathroom.
The comment would have been funny if not for Tony's mental state. "But we're going to fix that," Gibbs said quietly to the empty room. He heard the shower start and decided to go to the lobby for some coffee.
A short while later Gibbs was driving down the street and spotted a café. They'd get breakfast and then hit the road.
Tony eyed the small establishment but shied away from going inside where there'd be people to stare and laugh.
"Can't we just find a drive-through somewhere? It'd be faster," he said in an effort to avoid being in public.
"Nope, nothing but grease in that stuff. You need real food and this is the closest we're going to get until I get you home."
Gibbs parked the car and then leaned over, putting a hand on Tony's shoulder. He knew what Tony was feeling.
"You're not alone, Tony. Never again, got that?"
Tony looked into the determined blue eyes. Eyes that said that not only did Tony need food but that he'd kill anyone who'd prevent that. And this was Gibbs, it wasn't like Tony had a choice here. Besides, he was right.
"Okay," he said with a sigh and a nod and then steeled himself. He reached for the door handle.
"That's my boy," Gibbs said with a smile.
They were seated by a smiling young girl who wore her surprise openly on her face but nowhere did it hold any hint of disgust or disapproval. Gibbs nodded at her and decided she could live.
Next their waitress came to the table. Her nameplate said ‘Sue' and she was a bit older but just as smiley as the young girl had been.
"Oh my, aren't you a sight, honey!" she said while Tony blushed lightly and Gibbs felt his muscles tense. He kept an eye on her ready to jump on her if she said anything at all to upset Tony.
"Let me get your drink order," she continued without realizing how tense her customers had just become.
"Coffee, black," Gibbs said tersely.
She smiled and turned to Tony. "Well, I've got some tea for you, hun. Can you drink black or is herbal better? I've got both, and then maybe some milk or juice?"
She waited expectantly for about one second before she continued talking. Gibbs wondered if she ever kept quiet. He wished she would now although she hadn't said anything to sign her death warrant just yet.
"I'm guessing eight months, is that right?" the waitress beamed happily when Tony nodded. "Oh, I just love babies...and if your little one has your eyes, well he'll just be a sight. What can I get you, hun?"
"Herbal tea, please," Tony said quietly, still blushing lightly. "And juice, orange, please."
"Coming right up while you look at the menu. Be back in a flash!" she tossed out over her shoulder. Another customer called out for some more coffee. "Back in a flash, hun!" she answered.
"You okay so far?" Gibbs asked. Although he liked the look of the blush on Tony's face he wasn't too thrilled about the reason for it.
"Yeah," Tony said. "I'm just glad I'm not the only ‘hun' in this place, though," he said with a hint of a smile and Gibbs relaxed slightly.
True to her word Sue was back almost immediately with their drinks. She pulled out her notepad and asked for their order. Gibbs ordered bacon and eggs. Tony hesitated a bit still not feeling very hungry. But he knew he needed to eat so he ordered some oatmeal.
"How about some toast, hun? Wheat would be good for you, more fiber...and how about a side of fresh fruit. You look like you need to be eating a bit more..." she continued while shooting Gibbs a dirty look after her last comment.
Gibbs was mildly offended that she blamed him, but she was right. Tony didn't look too good and who was to blame? He accepted the blame readily even if not appropriately.
Tony accepted her gentle scolding and ordered the wheat toast and fruit. Sue left again promising a flash return.
Tony kept his eyes glued to the table and began worrying at the edge of his napkin. He froze when he felt a warm hand cover his. Wide eyes shot up at Gibbs and then scanned the rest of the café. The hand on his squeezed him gently and then released him.
"Its okay, Tony, I've got your six. You're getting interested looks but nothing negative," Gibbs said quietly.
Of course Gibbs would be keeping an eye out. Hell, Tony should have known that, too, and would have if he hadn't been so screwed up. I need him on my six, Tony thought. I can't take care of myself...
"Stop thinking so hard, Tony. Relax," Gibbs said not liking the frown he saw on Tony's face. He really needed to get him back and not just to see Stan but to see Gerry as well.
While the cook prepared breakfast for her customers, Sue took a large plate and began arranging fruit. She'd taken one look at that young man and her heart had gone out to him. She understood the need to have children and to her it didn't matter if you're a man or woman but it sure seemed like he'd been having some trouble. Poor thing, she thought.
"What're ya doin', Sue? That's enough fruit for three side orders...it'll come out of your tips!" the cook warned all the while frying and flipping other food orders.
"Don't you worry I'll pay for it...this boy needs it," she said testily but still with a laughing gleam in her eye.
The cook eyed her and smiled back. Seems his wife had found someone else to mother. Pity we only had five kids, but then Sue adopted everyone who came her way, he thought idly. The cook shrugged and called out another order. Whatever makes her happy, he told himself.
"Here you go, hun," Sue said happily as she laid plates on the table. She set the fruit place down and turned it so that it set right and faced the young man properly. She continued talking while she put catsup and hot sauce on the table along with their toast.
"I'm off the clock here in a minute so Sally'll finish you up if you need anything. There's just one more thing I want to say before I go, though, if you don't mind."
Gibbs turned to look warily at her but she was facing Tony.
"Hun, you look like you're having a tough time of it. I had five of my own so I know what I'm talking about here. Just remember this...no matter what happens, the minute you hold your little one in your arms all that hurtful stuff you've known will just fade away. Trust me...that baby will be worth everything you've gone through and more. Now, you'll be in my prayers tonight. Take care of yourself and that precious baby," she said with a smile that encompassed both Tony and Gibbs although Gibbs was sure she meant he'd better pick up whatever slack there'd been so far. With a final pat on Tony's shoulder she turned and walked away.
Tony remained silent and Gibbs was growing concerned until he saw Tony begin to smile. With a quick move he turned the plate so that Gibbs could see the smiley face Sue had made of the fruit. Banana and strawberry ‘hair' crowned a face made up of grape eyes, a half-strawberry nose and a cantaloupe smile.
Sue watched from the kitchen and saw both men smile at her creation. Lord, that boy is beautiful when he smiles, she thought, that baby will be quite a looker if he has half his mama's looks. And with that she gave her husband a quick peck on the cheek before she slipped out to see to her own brood who should almost be ready for school. She'd take them in, get some cleaning done and then be back in time for the lunch crowd. She left with a smile on her face.
When they'd finished breakfast, which Tony had completely devoured, and Gibbs had paid leaving a huge tip, they hit the road. Almost immediately Tony fell back asleep and stayed that way for the entire trip home.
Later that day, three of the four men in the house walked down the stairs of Gibb's home. Ducky separated from them stating that he'd make tea and coffee.
"Preeclampsia?" Gibbs asked Stan as he gathered his things.
"I'm going to test for it but what I really suspect is that his high blood pressure is stress -induced. Ducky will be keeping an eye on it but I believe that what he needs most right now is rest and some good food. I'll write out a prescription for the same nutrient supplements I gave him last time and possibly some HPB meds if it doesn't come down on its own now that he's home. But it's important, Jethro, that he stay in bed. When I say bedrest for the next two weeks, I mean it. No getting up except to go to the bathroom."
"I'll make sure of it," Gibbs stated.
Stan looked at him and smiled. Gibbs reminded him of some of the nurses he'd worked with in the past. He was sure Tony was in good hands.
"If things look good he should be up and around for the last couple of weeks in case you have anything important planned..." he left off with questioning eyebrows. He'd known of the aborted wedding plans.
"I'll let you know, Stan," Gibbs said with a smile and put his hand out to shake Stan's and then walked him to the door but Stan turned around with one more thing.
"Oh and, before you call me later to ask, other activities are permitted. It is a known medical fact that stress and blood pressure levels drop several points afterwards. I'll be seeing you soon. Bye."
And with that he left Jethro standing at the door with a bemused expression on his face. His reverie was broken, though, by the ringing of his cell phone. He returned to the living room still on the phone. Ducky had just walked in with a tray but paused at the threshold when he saw Gibbs on his cell.
"I've got to go, Duck," he said without preamble. "Can you stay awhile?"
Tony was asleep and they suspected he would be for some time so Gibbs should be fine going to the office.
"Of course, Jethro. I've no intention of leaving for some time, at least not until I'm assured of Tony's lowered blood pressure readings."
Gibbs nodded. He relayed that the call had been from McGee giving him more information about what they'd found in Jenny's files and also to say that both Watts and Perkins were in interrogation waiting for him. He paused for a moment and made a decision. They could wait and the coffee smelled good. Besides, he wanted to wait for a bit in case Tony had a nightmare.
"Let's drink what you've got there first." He said and was rewarded with a smile from Ducky as he sat down.
"A very good choice, Jethro, and I believe those two scoundrels can wait in interrogation until hell freezes over," he said in his amiable way that made Gibbs laugh. He agreed.