"And so, that was my first sexual encounter with the opposite sex," Tom said, holding his side laughing.

Chakotay was shaking his head. "I can't believe you got caught, banging your father's personal secretary over his desk."

"Hey, wasn't me, big man, and this time that is the honest truth. She was hot after my bod," Tom laughed. Then he quieted down. "What about yours, Chakotay?"

"Not something you would be interested in, Tom."

"Sure I would be. You might give me some pointers on my technique," Tom said, looking across the shelter.

"I seriously doubt that," Chakotay said, staring at the roof again.

Tom grimaced, but held his tongue. He lay back down and looked at the ceiling for a while.

"I would kill for a drink right now," Tom whispered.

"On Dorvan, we respect not only our planet, but also ourselves. I was taught to keep myself for my mate. Casual sex, although not taught against, was not encouraged either."

Tom turned back over to stare at Chakotay. He was stretched out on his bunk with his hands tucked behind his bed. His voice was quiet, almost rhythmic.

"I honored that until I went to the Academy. Then I was embarrassed about how naïve I was, so I stayed away from the sex scene. I threw myself into my studies, and got a rep for being a bookworm. Then the war, and I went back to my people and joined the Maquis."

"No," Tom said, fear gripping his heart. "It wasn't in the Cardie camp?"

"Yes, Tom, it was."

"Oh shit," Tom whispered.

"Damn it! Voyager should be here!" Tom was beyond pacing; he was climbing the walls.

Chakotay just about put him in a bear hug, to still his almost frantic movements. Then he whispered in Tom's ear, "They may be, Tom, but with all this interference, you and I couldn't raise each other from more than five feet away from each other." He held Tom still. "You have to quit fighting, just calm down. No one is going to hurt you, Tom. I promise. You just have to think that you can leave anytime you want, and realistically you can. You can beam yourself over to the shuttle, but that's even smaller than this. Check the systems if you have to, but be damned careful when you do it. One strike of lightening during that transport and your feet could be sticking out of your ears when you materialize."

That helped. Tom took a deep breath and stopped fighting. "You're right. I can leave. I can beam over to the shuttle."

Chakotay relaxed his hold and Tom drew a deep breath. Chakotay could still see the tight lines in his face and suspected this wasn't over. His fears were confirmed when Tom started laughing, with a maniacal quality.

"So when do I have to start counseling, Chak?"

"Anytime you want, Tom, but really there isn't much I can do about claustrophobia. Have you always been this way?"

"No, I developed it...later in life."

"What brought it on?"

"Being trapped in the shuttle wreck on Caldik Prime."

"Oh. How long were trapped?"

"About an hour. The front of the shuttle hit so hard, it crumpled and trapped me in the pilot's chair. I couldn't get out. They almost had to cut the front off the shuttle off to get me out."

"Why not just beam you out?"

"Well, it took them a while to get there, and by the time they did, the others were...well, one of them had died in the mean time. The other two were still alive. They wanted to deal with them first, to see if they could be saved. So I was left for last and the emergency teams were there, so why beam me out?"

Chakotay paused, "They were still alive when you crashed?"

"Yeah."

"You were conscious while they died?"

"I was very conscious. I was so conscious, I remember their screams, their prayers and their last words, Chakotay. And I couldn't do a damned thing about it."

"Why did you lie, Tom?"

"Same reason I went to Auckland. I was an Admiral's son, I was the poster boy for Fleet, and I had just killed my best friends."

"Oh, shit, Tom."

"That should become our saying, Chakotay, just the two of us. Whenever it gets too deep. Just say 'Oh Shit' and I'll know exactly what you mean."

Chakotay shot him a quick grin.

Tom flopped down on his bunk. "Crisis averted, Chak. Good job."

"Why do you call me that?"

"What?"

"Chak."

"Dunno. Just do." Tom said, staring at the roof. "Probably because I can't get the cadence to your real name right."

"No one gets the cadence to my name right."

"Poker?" Chakotay asked, sitting on his bed, watching Tom tap his fingers against his leg.

"Nope."

"Gin?"

"Nope," Tom replied again. "Unless you've got a bottle hidden around here somewhere."

"Nope. How about arm wrestling?"

"Not on a fucking bet. I need my arm in one piece thank you very much."

They both chuckled.

"Want to talk?"

"No."

"How can I help, Tom?"

"That sedative is sounding better and better, Chak."

That night Tom woke up screaming. He was sitting bolt upright in bed, sweat drenching his body, screaming his throat out.

"TOM!"

"Let me go. Let me go!" he screamed, fighting the arms around him. "Never! Do you hear me? You're going to have to kill me, because I ain't letting you at my ass!" He ripped free from the arms restraining him, and threw himself at whoever it was. They hit the floor hard and Tom intentionally drove a shoulder into whoever was after him this time. He kept rolling and came to his feet, heading for the door. Once more he found himself pinned to the door. He fought like a wildman until sanity returned. He relaxed against the door.

"Chakotay?"

"Yeah, it's me."

"I'm sorry."

"No reason. I get the distinct feeling that wasn't me you were fighting."

"No, it wasn't."

"Can I let you go now, or are you going to try to break another rib?"

"Oh my god, Chak. Did I really break your rib?"

"I think you better get the tricorder, because if you didn't you sure as hell cracked it,"

"I'm sorry," he cried as he went to get the tricorder. He quickly scanned Chakotay, not even really taking in the naked chest. Tom could only see the massive bruising he had caused.

"Who in the hell were you dreaming about?" Chakotay asked, as Tom touched the area gently.

"A guy from prison. Yeah, I broke it, Chak. I am so sorry."

"Well, just regenerate it, and don't worry about it."

Tom ran the regenerator over it and gently touched the area. "I can't believe I did that. I haven't had nightmares like that in weeks."

"Weeks, Tom? You have nightmares like this that often?"

Tom picked the tricorder back up and checked for other damage in that area. "Not this bad, but waking up from them, yes. Of course, usually there isn't someone in my quarters with me when I'm having them either."

Chakotay suddenly stopped. "That's why people say you're a love them and leave them type. It isn't that you don't want to spend the night; you're afraid you'll hurt someone if you do." The revelation was heartening. Tom wasn't running out on people, he was protecting them.

"In one, Commander. Lift your arm up. There's another bruise on your back."

He turned on the bed, giving Tom better access to the sore spot, and once more felt the long fingers probing gently.

"You have such smooth skin, Chakotay. Don't you have any body hair?"

"Yes, of course I have body hair. I just don't have a hairy chest. See?" Chakotay lifted his arm up. "Haven't you ever seen a humanoid male without it?"

"Not really, in the showers at Auckland, you stare at the wall. Period. Anything else is an invitation for trouble."

"But what about sports and things like that?"

"Chak," Tom replied slightly frustrated. "I was an Admiral's kid. I wasn't invited down to the schoolyard to play touch tackle on the weekends, okay? I did social events, I did piano classes, I had tutors. I didn't do sports, and I most certainly did not get muddy."

"Shit, Tom. What was your childhood like?"

"Very clean and very structured."

"Okay, I call a foul with a ten yard penalty," Tom said from his bunk.

"What are you talking about?" Chakotay asked, turning to stare at him.

"If I'm not allowed to pace. You aren't either. So sit your ass back down, Chak. Your turn to come up with a subject."

"Tom, we have talked about everything under the sun, the planet and all the way around the moon. I know all about your girlfriends, your schooling, your childhood and you know all of that about me. Our careers, our time in different retention facilities and I really didn't need the information about what you saw in the Jeffries tube between Dalby and Chell. Spirits, that still makes my stomach turn."

"What's wrong, Chak. Don't you do men?"

"Yes, Tom I have done men and been done by men. It's just the concept of sucking Dalby off absolutely turns my stomach."

"Agreed." Then Tom smiled. "So experiences with men is the subject on the table. I am surprised to find out that you have bottomed, Chak. Who, what where and when?"

"Oh, Spirits," Chakotay moaned, as he sank onto his bunk.

"I've done both, but I never thought you would let another man take you."

"It wasn't exactly voluntary, Tom," Chakotay said.

"You've been...oh, the Cardie camp?" Tom's voice almost squeaked on that line.

Chakotay just nodded.

"No one else, huh?"

"No. Very honestly that one experience was more than enough for me."

"I can understand that. Hell, I haven't let another man touch me since Auckland." Tom sat up for a minute, and then looked at Chakotay. "You should let someone else show you, Chakotay. Being a bottom has its good points."

"And those would be something other than intense pain, bleeding and humiliation?"

"Oh yeah. C'mon, Chak, you said you've been a top. People don't bottom just for the masochistic tendencies they may harbor. There's a lot of pleasure too. If it's done right, it doesn't hurt, and actually, the idea of giving someone else that kind of pleasure can be really erotic on its own."

"I'll consider it, Tom." Chakotay looked over at him and said, "You know you could take your own advice."

"What? Bottom? Oh, being with a man again? Yeah, I guess I could, if I could find the right one, " Tom admitted quietly. "Oh, and for the record, Chakotay, the mental picture of the Captain doing ballet in the nude for you was one I could have done without."

"Well, you asked what my most bizarre sexual scene I had ever seen was and that rated in the top five."

There was a moment of silence.

"What were the other four?"

"TOM!"

He heard Chakotay turn over.

"You okay?" came the sleepy question, as Chakotay saw Tom standing looking out the window.

"Define okay. I'm not trying to go out, I'm not screaming and I'm not pacing."

"Tom, you have to sleep."

"I can't."

Chakotay sighed and sat up. "Tom, how can I help you? I know this is killing you."

"Go back to sleep, Commander. I don't want to torture you with my problems. You've done more than I could have ever asked for. You've kept me sane for over three days. I just gotta get through this."

"Tom, in case you haven't figured it out yet, you aren't in this one alone. I'll do anything I can to help you through this."

"Nothing you can do, Commander. I just have to keep it together until one of our comm badges goes off."

Chakotay got out of bed and came over to where he was standing. Tom saw him in reflection in the window. Chakotay reached out, but hesitated. Tom's eyes darted to Chakotay's face. He saw concern and then his hand came to rest on his shoulder.

"How can I help?"

Tom slowly relaxed backwards and Chakotay wrapped Tom in his arms. It took a moment before both of them relaxed totally.

"Is that better?" Chakotay asked.

"Yeah, it is," Tom said quietly.

They both stood there watching sand blast against the window and the sky brilliantly lit by lightening.

"I will never enjoy the beach again," Tom said, as the his emotional state overcame his control. He started laughing, but he also felt tears slip between his tightly shut eyelids.

"I know what you mean," Chakotay answered, still holding him tight. "I know you won't lay down with me, Tom, because you're afraid you'll hurt me, but could we sit on the bed?"

"Sure. In fact, why don't you go to sleep. I'm okay now."

"Yeah, and I can take a joke. Get your ass in bed, Paris."

Tom sighed heavily, but let Chakotay lead him to the bed. They both leaned against the wall and Tom snuggled into the crook of Chakotay's arm.

"Is that okay?" Tom asked.

"Sure, actually it makes me think of my last night on Dorvan before I left for the Academy. My father sat with me like this. He talked to me that night. It was the last long talk we had, Tom. Thank you for this memory."

"You're welcome. If it isn't too personal, what did you talk about?"

"He told me how much he respected me for being willing to go after my dreams. He told me he would always be there for me, and no matter what, I could always come home. He told me about when I was kid and how hard I was to deal with. How I never fit into anyone's mold, and then he told me his mother had said the same things about him."

"And then he was killed?"

"Yeah," Chakotay said quietly.

"You are so lucky, Chakotay." Tom felt Chakotay jump when he said that.

"How am I lucky there, Tom?"

"He told you he loved you, didn't he?"

"Yes, he did."

"My father never told me that. I was lucky if my father said he was proud of me. All I ever heard was I special. That I would do something special with my life. I guess I have in a way, with breaking the warp ten barrier and some of the other things we've done out here, but I never heard, I love you, Tom."

"I'm sorry, Tom. I guess you're right. I am lucky."

They sat there quietly both lost in there own thoughts, until sleep took both of them.

They woke up the next morning, wrapped around each other. Tom could feel Chakotay gently rubbing his back and he couldn't help it.

"You know something, Chakotay, I never, not once in a million years, did I ever imagine I would wake up to your naked chest."

He heard the rumble, and then he felt Chakotay laugh right along with him.

"Wasn't what I was expecting either, Tom, but I'm okay with it. Are you?"

"More than okay with it," Tom said, sitting up. "Shoot, Chak, you're a good looking man. That, I noticed a long time ago. I just never thought we stood a chance. I pissed you off all the time and you never loosened up enough. If I weren't worried about what the Captain would do to me, I might just try and kiss you one day."

Chakotay's dimples came out. "Might want to factor my reaction into that," Chakotay said, readjusting himself on the bed. "And, just for the record, you aren't half bad yourself, but at the moment, as you so aptly pointed out, I am involved with someone else."

"True," Tom conceded, getting up. "So what exactly would your reaction be to..." Then he froze. "Oh my god, Chak. Look, the sun. The storm is over! YES! Has Voyager commed us?" He raced like a kid to the window.

Then as if on cue, someone's comm badge went off. Chakotay reached over and grabbed his tunic.

"Chakotay."

"Commander, we're in orbit. Whenever you're ready, we're waiting," the Captain's voice said.

"Unless you want to beam some people down to help with the shelter, it'll be about two hours, Captain," Chakotay said, watching Tom leap around the shelter as if he were a six year old getting to go on an unexpected vacation. Throwing clothes on, smiling until his cheeks had to hurt.

"I think we can spare a back or two," the Captain said. "I'll beam them down in about twenty minutes."

"We'll be ready, Captain." He closed the comm and sat up, slowly stretching as he watched Tom, already dressed. "Hey, how about some coffee."

"Coming up, Commander," Tom said, bounding over to the replicator and ordering two cups of coffee and two muffins. Chakotay was surprised there was any coffee left in the cup by the time Tom got it to him.

"Calm down, Tom. We still have to get everything packed up. Sit down and eat."

"Well, then let's get a move on, Commander. We got a shuttle to get up in the air."

Chakotay just shook his head and pulled his pants on, as Tom packed in record time, neaten the shelter and begin to stack stuff in an orderly fashion by the door.

Twenty minutes later, Greg and several other people, including B'Elanna appeared outside the shelter in environmental suits. It only took about a half hour with all of them working. Chakotay had the shelter transported straight to Voyager, while Tom went and got the shuttle ready for take off.

"Tom?" Chakotay paged through his helmet.

"Yeah, Chak?" Tom replied, unhindered in the shuttle.

"The shelter and all of our gear is on Voyager. Do you want to take it up alone?"

"Doesn't matter to me, Commander, whichever you prefer."

"Well, I thought we could work on information for the debrief while we went up, but I didn't want to hamper your space."

"Thanks, Chakotay, but I'm okay now. I was okay as soon as I saw the sun. Do you want me to beam you over?"

"That would be better than having to hike over there," Chakotay said with a smile.

"Hang on," Tom said. "I have a lock on you, Commander. Whenever you're ready."

"Energize."

When they were in space, Tom and Chakotay sat at the front of the shuttle, looking at the black rock rotating in space.

"Good bye, you sorry piece of stone," Tom said, as he pulled the shuttle out of orbit. "Paris to Voyager."

"Voyager here, Tom," Harry replied.

"We're in orbit, heading for your location."

"Acknowledged. How did things go?" Harry asked brightly.

"A week in the lap of luxury, Harry. I'm surprised people didn't sign up for that one," Tom responded laughing.

"Yeah, right," Harry responded.

Tom and Harry were sitting in the messhall.

"So, how was it, Tom?" Harry asked, looking much too rested for Tom's liking.

"It was hell, Harry. There was this huge electrical storm while we were there, and Chakotay and I were trapped in the shelter for three days."

"Oh, shit. So what happened did Chakotay have you polishing the drill head?"

"No, Chakotay kept me from going nuts, Har. He was really great."

Tom heard the doors open behind him. He glanced back and saw the Captain come in and take her regular table. Neelix brought her a cup of coffee, which she smiled and took.

"So what did the Commander do?"

Tom laughed quietly to himself, and then met his best friend's eyes. "He talked to me, Harry."

"That's it?" Harry asked, expecting something much bigger than that.

"That's it."

Harry sat there quietly for a moment and then looked up. "You know what, for you and the Commander, that is something."

"Sure was."

B'Elanna came over and joined the two of them.

"Hey, Paris. Heard you and Chakotay had a pretty rough time."

"Yeah, but we made it through it in one piece."

"Chakotay said you really pulled your weight," B'Elanna said, taking a bite of food.

"High praise from the Commander," Harry said, sipping his coffee. "Speak of the devil himself."

They all turned to see Chakotay come in the doors and head for the food line. He got his plate and Tom was a little surprised when he headed for them instead of for the Captain.

"What's up, Commander?" he asked, as Chakotay sat down with them.

"Nothing. I'm off duty and I figured I would check in with you and see how things were going."

"Doing fine," Tom replied, shooting Harry a look that said he should close his mouth.

"I also saw the betting pool on me was taken down last night," Chakotay said, drinking his coffee.

Tom nearly choked on the mouthful of leola root pancakes. He looked up rather sheepishly. "Actually, Commander, since the question was answered, I paid the winners off and shut the pool down."

"Well, now that everyone onboard knows that I wear boxers instead of briefs, I'm sure we can all get back down to business, can't we?"

"I give you my word, Chakotay. I won't start another pool on you," Tom said, quietly. "And if you had been paying attention to the pool, I never posted the winners or which it was, so except for whomever you care to share that with, the people at this table, and the winners, no one else knows."

"I did notice that, Tom. Thank you," Chakotay said, and then looked Tom straight in the eye. "I also noticed a large amount of credits were transferred to my account this morning. I shall assume it was my winnings from the gin game."

"Yes, sir, it is."

Chakotay set his coffee cup down, and started to rise from his chair. "I appreciate everything you have done, Tom. However, I will give you fair warning, I was not kidding about bragging rights." Chakotay gave him a wink and a quick smile and left the mess hall.

"What bragging rights?" B'Elanna asked.

"Oh nothing really. One of the nights we played strip poker and Chakotay beat my ass. I was left with only my underpants on."

"Hey, Paris," someone that sounded like Ayala shouted. "How about a game of poker tonight? Maybe we can find out if you wear boxers of briefs."

Tom looked over his shoulder and saw a large amount of the Maquis groupies sitting there smiling at him.

"You gave Chakotay bragging rights?" B'El asked, staring at Tom awestruck.

"Yeah," Tom said, realizing maybe he shouldn't have done that.

B'el started smiling broadly. "Oh, Paris, you are going to be lucky if he doesn't post your underwear size and pictures."

"Tom?" Meghan said, coming up next to him. "Honey, how does Chakotay know about the mole on the back of your leg?"

Harry and B'El both looked at him with wide smiles and questioning faces, as Tom turned a bright shade of red.

When Tom, B'el and Harry left the messhall, they were stopped by Seven of Nine.

"Lieutenant, would you explain the significance of stripping down to your underwear in the presence of a senior officer to pay off a bet?"

Tom opened his mouth several times, with Harry dissolving into a smiling idiot next to him and B'El just enjoying the heck out of Tom's embarrassment.

"Yes, Tom, please explain that to me as well."

Tom was sitting in his quarters looking at the ship's bulletin board, wondering where Chakotay found this twisted sense of humor.

"CHIEF PILOT STRIPS TO HIS SKIVVIES TO PAY OFF A BET!"

"BOXERS OR BRIEFS, ONLY THE COMMANDER KNOWS!"

"TOM PARIS SHOWS ALMOST ALL TO CHAKOTAY!"

"I will get even with you, one day Chakotay, one day."

Within an hour, the messages were pulled down, and Tom wondered why Chakotay had pulled them so soon. On a whim, he paged Chakotay.

"Chakotay."

"Commander, it's Tom. You didn't get in trouble this morning over the bulletin board, did you?"

"Nothing to concern yourself with, Tom. The Captain and I discussed it and although we disagreed on the humor behind it, we did agree that it had gone on long enough. So I took it down."

"Okay, if you're sure," Tom said, not liking the tone behind the words.

"I am sure, Tom. I had bragging rights and I took them. The bet is paid in full."

"Well, okay, Commander, if you're sure."

"It's Chakotay, and I am sure, Tom."

For several weeks life on board Voyager was almost ideal. Tom was actually doing his best to get along with Chakotay, and he noticed that Chakotay wasn't riding him nearly as hard. Life on Alpha shift was good. Very relaxed.

The night of the beach party was the best. Tom sent Chakotay a drink when Neelix had organized an informal beach party. Tom was teaching Harry about the finer art of cooking lobsters in an open pit when he saw Chakotay sitting off to one side, while the Captain sat at the bar. Tom motioned for Neelix, who immediately came to him.

"Send the Commander a drink, on my account. Whatever his favorite is."

"Of course, Tom. Do you want me to tell him it's from you?" Neelix asked, picking up two flasks of brightly colored fruit juice.

"Only if he asks."

He went back to Harry's cooking lesson, but glanced up to see Chakotay salute him with the glass.

Tom got several people together and started up a game of beach ball. He even sent Naomi to invite Chakotay to join them. Soon everyone was laughing, having fun, playing together. It was really fun to watch and be part of. Fleet and Maquis, side by side, diving for balls, setting each other up for shots, encouraging each other. Naomi made one heck of a line judge, and it was precious to watch Greg Ayala teach her to serve, with a little help. As the evening wound down, Chakotay caught Tom's eye and nodded. Tom just smiled.

Then Chakotay and the Captain walk off arm in arm a few minutes later. Something inside Tom him turned bitter sweet and almost hurt. The Captain and Chakotay both laughed about something and then Kathryn laid her head on his shoulder. Tom slowly walked out of the holodeck feeling strangely lost. He went to his quarters and sat down staring out at the stars passing the ship.

Hey, Tom. You okay?" Harry asked the next day.

"Sure, Har. I'm fine. What makes you ask?"

"Uh, the fact you're eating without sniffing at your food, you haven't answered the last four questions I've asked you, and you haven't smiled once since I sat down with you."

Tom thought for a minute and he could only agree. Something was wrong, but he was afraid of what it was. His gaze wandered over to Chakotay and the Captain eating lunch together.

"I don't know, Har, just a funk I guess."

"Sure, it is," Harry said, following his gaze.

For weeks, Tom watched them. It still hurt, but even with the strange feelings he was having, he would not begrudge them their happiness. He threw himself into other projects. He started another program for the holodecks. He was at the computer late one night, when he heard a footstep behind him.

He thought it was Harry trying to drag him away for another night at Sandrine's. Even to Tom the program was getting stale. He just didn't want to play pool anymore, and maybe this program would help everyone out a little. I mean if there was anyone on board Voyager that loved Sandrine's, it was him. So, if he was getting tired of it, everyone else must be too.

"Not tonight, Har, I'm trying to finish the tavern and it's just about done."

"It's me, Tom."

Chakotay. Tom's hands froze on the keys. He swallowed heavily wondering why Chakotay was checking up on him.

"Hello, Chakotay. Been a while. How are things?"

"They're good, Tom. How about you?" He slid into a chair beside Tom. "What are you working on?"

"A new holoprogram," Tom said, getting back to work. "And, I'm doing good."

"Private program?"

"No, the Captain suggested it to me. It's from one of her novels. It's a small town, no technology. She said the simplicity would be a good change for everyone."

Chakotay nodded.

"I think it's a little ironic to build a 'technology'-less town in a holodeck, but hey, she's right, the land is beautiful, the people are warm and the life is simple and relaxed."

"It sounds like something Kathryn would enjoy."

They sat there for a few moments. Then Chakotay got up and started to leave, but stopped. Tom paused.

"Commander?"

"Tom, some people have come to me about you."

"Me?" he asked, turning away from the terminal. "I haven't done anything to anyone lately. Heck, Chakotay, I'm surprised anyone's griping about me."

Chakotay softened his features and shook his head slightly. "They weren't complaining, they were worried about you."

Tom sighed heavily and looked back at the keyboard. "Harry."

"And one or two others. They said you haven't been yourself lately."

Tom smiled as he started programming again. "You say that like it's a bad thing, Commander. No pools, no stunts, no gambling, no broken hearts." Tom wanted to kick himself for that comment. Completely unnecessary. "I haven't flipped Voyager upside down in weeks. I think they're just bored. We haven't been attacked since we went on that mission. There's good food to eat, water for showers..."

"Tom," Chakotay began, and Tom felt that big hand on his shoulder again. "I didn't want you to stop being you when we had that fight. You are more or less a sparkle in the life of Voyager. Don't turn into a hermit because of what I said."

Tom swallowed heavily, at both the contact and the words. He fought to keep his voice steady. "No, Commander, that isn't it. I'll admit, I thought about it and what you said made sense, and I took inventory, but really, I just wanted to get this program written."

"Are you sure?" Chakotay asked.

"Yeah, Commander, I'm sure."

The hand left his shoulder, the doors opened and closed. Tom took a calming breath.

Chakotay was sitting at his desk the next day. He held a padd in one hand and his coffee in the other. Life was good on Voyager; supplies, power, personnel were all good. He took a sip of his coffee. So, if life was so good, he asked himself, why was he morose? Why was he worried? And why was the fact the Chief Pilot was manifesting exemplary behavior bothering him? He took another sip of his coffee.

Tonight there was a symphony. The music was soothing, exciting and his date was alive to it. Kathryn's face moved with the music, but just beyond her, Tom Paris sat with Harry Kim. Chakotay shook his head. Tom hadn't even had anything close to the pretense of a date lately. He was working late hours, doing extra shifts in sickbay and leading the way in both behavior and attitude. So why did Chakotay think there was something seriously wrong with Tom? Because his actions were so anti-Paris that if he had stood Tom Paris, before he had come unglued on him on that planet, and Tom Paris after their away mission, they would have exploded, like matter and anti-matter. Everyone's clapping drew him away from his musings. He joined in the applause for the encore he had completely missed.

As he escorted Kathryn back to her quarters, his mind still drifting back to Tom.

"Chakotay, I wish you would get whatever it is that's bothering you settled," Kathryn said quietly.

"What?"

Her eyes were warm. "You have been anywhere but with me all night long. Not that I don't understand being preoccupied with something, but we agreed. We would put ship's business behind us when we were together," she said as she keyed the door open.

"You're right, Kathryn. I'm sorry."

Kathryn stepped in the door, but Chakotay didn't follow her. She looked surprised.

"Aren't you coming in?" she invited.

Chakotay shifted uneasily. "No, not tonight, Kathryn. I think you're right, I need to settle this. I think I'll go to my quarters and meditate for a while."

She nodded her head a little stiffly. "Okay, I understand."

"Goodnight, Kathryn."

She smiled somewhat impishly. "It would have been better with you here." Then her smile deepened. "Goodnight, Chakotay. I hope you get your answers."

He nodded, turned and left.

Chakotay sat on the floor in his quarters. No answers. His guide although present only told him to strip away the layers and look at the real problem. How did you strip away the multifarious layers that were Tom Paris and see the real man? He got up, ordered a cup of tea and sat back on his couch and wondered. Had he ever seen Tom Paris, and if he had, which was the real one? How did one approach Tom with this? He was the ship's counselor and was completely lost as to what to do. Chakotay got his robe and went to his terminal. He opened up the file holding all of Tom's formal information. The only thing he didn't have access to were Tom's files from Auckland and some from his childhood. He started flipping through the various records.

Tom went into his bedroom, stripped off his clothes and climbed into bed. He lay down and curled up on his side, pulling one pillow to his chest and curling up around it. As he stared at the wall, feeling physically tired, he wondered what he would dream about tonight. Now he had an interesting spectrum of dreams to look forward to. Not just the ones that brought him up screaming from fear, but those that brought him up screaming as he came all over his own chest.

"Better today?" Kathryn asked.

"Of course," Chakotay replied evenly, taking a cup of tea from Kathryn and sitting beside her on her couch, and gently leaning in for a kiss. "Forgive me for last night."

"Nothing to forgive, Chakotay. I understand completely."

Later that day, there was a chime at Chakotay's office door. He didn't have an appointment scheduled, but he did have an open door policy.

"Come."

The doors opened and Chakotay was shocked to see Tom come into his office.

"So this is what this place looks like," Tom said, looking around.

Chakotay stood up, putting the padd he had been looking at down. Tom's jest was not lost on him. He tried to remember the last time Tom had been here, but he couldn't really remember him ever being here.

"Well, it isn't the banquet room, but it's enough for me," Chak said, as Tom came to a stop in middle of the room. It was Tom's day off and Chakotay couldn't help but wonder why Tom was here. "What can I do for you?"

"I wanted you to look at the program I was working on. I need to do some fine tuning, but I can't pin down what I'm missing. I was wondering if you would help me out."

Chakotay almost laughed. Silly him, to think Tom was coming for counseling. "Tom, it's the Captain's idea and her book. Wouldn't she be a better judge?"

"Well, yes, but I want it to be a surprise for her. And well, I know it isn't your home world, but your planet didn't have atmospheric controls and was pretty low tech, so I figured you would know what I didn't have right."

Chakotay stood there for a minute and then nodded. "Okay, Tom. I'll take a look at it."

They stood at the top of a knoll, in the middle of a dirt road overlooking a small town. It was dawn, the humidity was high, but the sights and smells sent Chakotay reeling back over several thousand light years to Dorvan on a spring morning. Birds twittered overhead, a breeze carrying the sweet scent of flowers tickled his memories. He could hear cows lowing, horses bits jangling and the beginning noises of the town waking up.

He let the sounds and smells wash over him. "This is beautiful, Tom."

"You like it?" Tom asked, almost hopefully.

"I could stand right here for the rest of the day and be happy."

"Well, this isn't where I was having the problem, but I'm glad you like it."

Chakotay closed his eyes and let the program fill him. The sweet grass whispered under the slight breeze, the touch of wood smoke flavoring the sweet grass smell, tickled his memory. When he opened his eyes, he blinked at the early morning sun reflecting gold off the mounds of hay stacked in the nearby fields. The tree line that wasn't too far away called to him to go exploring. Inhaling again, glancing at the blue sky, liberally filled with billowy clouds, and then to the smoke rising from the chimneys of the town that sat below them.

"That's the first thing, Tom. You can't really smell the smoke from the town and that's the direction the wind is blowing."

Tom made a notation on his padd. "Okay, what else?"

"I don't know. Let's go see."

They stood beside a small pen with a cow, a calf and a horse in it. They were inside the town now and Tom was busily taking notes as they walked.

"Didn't spend a lot of time around animals, did you?" Chakotay asked, as he leaned on the top rail.

"Uh, no," Tom said, looking around. "Why did I do something wrong?"

"No, you just forgot something," Chakotay said with a small smile. "Computer, insert appropriate scents for these animals."

Tom started coughing and choking. "Oh my god, Chak. That is horrid. That smells like breakfast."

"I know," Chakotay laughed, as Tom's face twisted in distaste. "Computer, reduce that scent by fifty percent."

And that was how they spent the afternoon. They finished just before shift change and decided to sit down and have a drink. The man behind the bar served them both 'a pint'.

"So, how have you and the Captain been doing, Commander? It's looking much better than before the away mission."

"Actually, Tom, it is. We set some ground rules and it seems to be working out very well."

"That's good, Commander. I'm glad to hear that," Tom said. Then he took a drink of the beer and looked around. "Thanks for your help today, Commander. It should be ready soon."

"No, Tom. Thank you for getting me to take a break from being the counselor and from the numerous padds sitting on my desk. I needed it."

"Actually, I've been reading through a lot of old Terran books and have found lots of different settings for holoprograms. Have you ever heard of King Arthur and the round table?"

"No, but I will assume it's a feudal system."

"Oh yeah, Captain Proton with no technology," Tom said. "Swords and horses and castles."

Tom eyes took on a fire that Chakotay rarely saw, and as he continued to explain the lavish detail of the story, Chakotay unfortunately had to bring him back to Voyager.

"Tom," he interrupted.

Maybe it was the sun set showing through the window off to one side of them, but for once Chakotay saw how young Tom was. The sun glinting off his face, the spark in his eyes, the excitement in his face. This was a good thing, Chakotay decided. Then he saw the mask slip back into place, and regretted it.

"I know I probably sound like a malfunctioning assistance module, but, how are you doing?"

Tom stared down into the cup in his hands. "Okay, Commander."

"Still having those nightmares?"

Tom chuckled to himself. "Not nearly as many lately."

Chakotay got the distinct impression Tom was hiding something, but he wasn't going to push. Tom needed someone he could talk to.

"That's good. Tom, and this isn't the counselor talking, if you need someone to talk to, I'm here."

Tom opened his mouth to say something, but Chakotay cut him off.

"Since that mission and what went on there, I think I can offer that as a friend. I'm just letting you know, I understand you a little better now and I think we got past some of the misunderstandings we had about each other. And, I have noticed the extra efforts you've been putting in lately."

"Well, thank you, Commander," Tom said, straightening up slightly. Then his face got quiet again. "And if I didn't do it on the planet, Commander, I wanted to say, I really appreciate what you did. If it hadn't been for you, that mission wouldn't have been nearly as successful as it was."

Chakotay shrugged. "You had a lot to do with its success. If you hadn't been there or thought as quickly as you did, I might have died on that planet."

There was a moment of silence. Then Tom looked around and said, "So, is there anything else you thinks needs to be changed?"

Chakotay woke up. One minute he was asleep, the next he was awake. He scanned the room. Kathryn's quarters, but something was wrong. He listened, but there was no red alert, no incoming communications. What had woken him up that way?

Kathryn tightened her arm around his waist and mumbled something.

"Go back to sleep," he whispered. "I just want to check on something."

"Do you need me?" she asked, still half asleep.

"No, Kathryn. Go to sleep."

He climbed out of bed and pulled a robe on and walked into the living area. He called lights up to twenty-five percent and sat down on the couch. He allowed himself to get quiet and remembered what he had been dreaming. He had been home, but something had been wrong. Everyone was treating him differently, calling him son, son of Kolopack, Sir, Commander, Captain. It didn't make any sense to him. He waited for whatever it was to pass and then went back to bed.

He received an invitation to join the senior staff for the unveiling of Tom's newest program. He smiled, thinking how happy it would make Kathryn to see this scene. He personally knew she had reread that particular story twice and had several scenes bookmarked to return to. Dress casually, the invitation said. Well, he would be there. He hoped everyone enjoyed it, although he suspected the pub would be the biggest attraction of the pretty setting. Personally he wanted to sit on a hilltop for a while. He smiled to himself as the idea of taking a blanket to sit on came into his mind.

Then a second message came through and Tom asked him to not tell the Captain anything about the program. He responded he wouldn't tell her a thing.

With Kathryn beside him, Chakotay walked to the holodeck.

"Oh come on, Chakotay. One little hint. That's all I'm asking for. Which scene did he choose? One character?"

Chakotay smiled, but shook his head. "I'm sorry, Kathryn, but I promised I wouldn't tell you anything. Tom wanted it to be special for you."

Kathryn hrumphed, but left him alone.

All of the senior staff was gathered in the hall outside the holodeck when they got there, but it was only a moment later that the doors opened and Tom stepped out. Chakotay was surprised to see only grid lines behind him, but then Tom explained.

"I haven't started the program yet. I want you inside before I do, that way you get the full effect. So c'mon in. I hope everyone enjoys it."

They stood in the quiet holodeck, and Tom asked that everyone close their eyes. Their were some moans and groans, but soon, everyone stood there.

"Computer, engage Fairhaven."

An instant later, the sun warmed his face, and the scents once more filling his senses.

"Oh, Tom," Kathryn whispered. "It's perfect."

Later that evening, Chakotay was on the hillside, laying back on the soft grass watching the stars. He had asked Kathryn to join him up here, but she was too enchanted by both the town and the barkeeper. It had hurt his feelings, but they had plenty of time to do this. So he had opted to come up here by himself and enjoy the quiet. That was when he heard footsteps.

"Kathryn?" he asked, turning towards the oncoming person. However, even before whoever it was spoke, he knew it was Kathryn. This person was way too tall.

"Commander?"

"Hello, Tom. What are you doing up here?"

"Well, I noticed you were missing from the crowd and decided to track you down," Tom said, as he stood beside Chakotay. "Mind if I join you?"

"Not at all."

Tom folded his lanky form onto the soft grass beside Chakotay. "So, you still like the outside more than the inside, huh?"

"Oh, yes. I studied the constellations as viewed from Earth and it is so nice to see some stars I recognize."

"I know what you mean," Tom said amicably. In fact, he ended up stretching out and looking up at the stars.

"Kathryn loves the program, Tom."

"I know she does. I haven't seen her laugh and smile that much in a long time."

"Me either," Chakotay admitted. "Everyone seemed to like it."

"Yep, another hit."

"Tom, in case no one else thinks to tell you. Thank you for this program," Chakotay said, throwing a side long look at the helmsman. He couldn't see much in the dark, but the outline of his face.

"Well, it was the Captain's idea, Commander."

His dream came back to him. "Tom, you can call me Chakotay or...Chak. I have enough people that shy away from me because of my rank."

"Hey, look a shooting star," Tom said, pointing up.

Chakotay followed his finger and saw the glittering tail making its way across the evening sky.

"Did you program that?"

"No, actually, I approximated the year and programmed the skies from old star charts. I thought the touch of reality would be nice."

"I agree."

"I thought I might find you here," Chakotay said, leaning on the scarred bar in Fairhaven.

"Oh, Chakotay. Yes, I was just taking a quick break after shift. You don't mind do you?"

He tried to keep the irritation out of his voice. "We had a meeting scheduled to go over reports and dinner tonight."

Kathryn's face showed surprise and then remorse. "Oh, I am sorry, Chakotay. Michael, if you will excuse me."

Chakotay wondered why she was asking a hologram's forgiveness for leaving when she had left him cooling his heels, but instead he turned and escorted her out.

Later, as they sifted through reports, Chakotay finally put his down.

"Kathryn, we are here to do semi-annual crew reviews, not talk about a hologram."

"But Chakotay, aren't you the one who is always telling me to develop interests outside of duty."

This time he did sigh. "Yes, Kathryn, but not a holographic bartender."

"Do I detect a slight tone of jealousy?"

"And if I were spending all my time with someone else, and discussing them, wouldn't you have a problem with it?"

"Chakotay, he's a hologram."

"I am well aware of that, Kathryn. Now if we can get back to the reports."

Several days later, Tom was playing pool in Sandrine's. He was about to shut the program down and go back to his cabin. He came here to try to relax because he had been as keyed up as bow this evening and that was when he had the really bad dreams. The program was running when he got here, but Tom didn'tr see anyone inside, so he picked up a cue and started playing pool.

As his mind relaxed into the game, he started to think about his shift today. Chakotay and the Captain were acting very strange, and it keyed everyone up. The tension reached levels Tom had a hard time dealing with and that was saying something. The two of them had had one of their silent arguments on the bridge, where they just stared at each other, and then they had moved it to the Captain's ready room for about an hour, canceling meetings, but just before lunch Chakotay had stormed off the bridge, and spent the rest of the day in his office.

Sandrine came around the end of the bar, and walked up to him. Tom leaned on his cue and smiled at the representation of his old friend.

"I see you have not lost you edge on the tables, Tom," she said, lifting the drink from her tray and handing it to him.

"Well, Sandrine when you play a table as long as I've been playing this one, it's hard not to be good."

"I should talk to your friend, Harry, and have him change the table, make it a challenge for you."

Tom laughed. "Make all the cues crooked," he suggested.

"Something like that. Are you leaving?"

"Yeah, I just needed to unwind. I'll be shutting it down soon."

"What about the Commander?"

"The Commander?" Tom asked, peering around, finally locating him at one of the back tables. "When did he get here?"

"He was here before you, Tom," Sandrine said. "And he brought that bottle with him. It is the real thing."

Tom gave Sandrine a puzzled look. "The big man's been holding out on me," Tom quiped, but he was wondering why Chakotay was sitting alone in the back of Sandrine's with... Something big had happened today. He put the cue down and started to walk towards Chakotay.

"I don't want any company, Tom."

Tom hesitated, but then continued walking. "Drinking alone ain't smart, Commander."

"By the Spirits, how many times do I have to tell you?"

"Sorry, Chak, I forgot." Actually he hadn't, but when approaching a senior officer on a bend, it was usually best to be cautious.

Then Chakotay shook his head. "No, I shouldn't have barked at you like that." A deep sigh escaped the big man. "Care to join me?"

"Sure," Tom said, sitting down with his synethol. He sat there quietly for a moment, and then said, "Okay, Chak, the discussion on the table is ghost stories."

Chak smiled slightly and looked down at the table. Tom held his silence for a moment. He had actually meant that as a joke, but he seemed to have hit on something by Chakotay's reaction. When Chakotay started talking, Tom had the crazy notion he could almost hear drums beating faintly in the background. Probably just the warp engines and the rhythm to Chakotay's voice.

"Once a long time ago there was a warrior, who joined with his enemy, a warrioress, for the good of his people. He gave everything he had to her thinking she was an honorable person. And he was right, to a degree. The warrioress treated his people well. When the warrior decided she was trustworthy, he offered her his most precious possession. For a time, the warrior thought he had done the right thing, until the day an opportunity presented itself, she stabbed the warrior in the back. So now the warrior sits in the great lodge trying to heal his soul through fire water.

Tom thought for a moment. He almost jumped when he figured it out. "Oh, shit. The Captain cheated on you?"

"In one, Lieutenant. You got it in one."

"Hey, if I can't call you commander, you can't call me lieutenant."

"Good point, Tom."

That was when Tom figured out, Chakotay wasn't drunk. In fact, he had barely touched the bottle. Maybe three drinks.

There was silence for a moment, and then Tom asked, "Who?"

Chakotay laughed again. "You won't believe me."

"Try me. Was it Chell?"

"Shit, no! I would have just airlocked myself if she chose that blue wimpy whiner over me. No, she picked someone much more to her tastes." Chak started to rock the glass of whiskey between his fingers.

Tom racked his brain trying to think of someone more her tastes than Chak. "I'm not getting any clues here, Chak. Who did she do it with?"

Chakotay looked up and then he leaned forward. Tom leaned forward too wondering why this was such a big secret. "Michael."

"Michael," Tom said, trying to think of a member of the crew that went by Michael. No one leaped to mind. He shook his head.

"The hologram. Someone she can order around, change to fit her mood, does what she wants. He's perfect for her, an imaginary lover, just like her holonovels."

"That Michael?" Tom almost shouted.

"Yep," Chakotay said. "I've been dumped for photons."

"Oh shit."

"Yeah, I've been sitting here saying that most of the night."

"What are you gonna do, Chak?"

"What can I do, Tom? She even went to bed with him."

"But Chak, he isn't real. Why did you end your relatio..."

"I didn't. I feel the same way you do. He's not real, and although the concept is a little fuzzy, I think I could've dealt with it. No, Kathryn dumped me."

"The Captain dumped you for a hologram?"

"Yeah," Chakotay said, taking a sip off his drink. "I have however, come to the decision I have horrible luck with women. First, I pick a Cardassian dressed up as a Bajoran, and then I pick another one with a hologram fetish. What is wrong with me, Tom? I mean, you said I was good looking."

"Well, in my opinion you are," Tom said, suddenly not feeling very comfortable with this situation. This was not something he wanted to happen. He never meant to be involved in Chak and the Captain breaking up.

They sat there quietly for a few minutes, until Chakotay held up the bottle.

"Wanna drink?"

"Uh, no, Commander. I actually try to stay away from the real stuff. I kinda have a weakness for it, remember?"

"Oh, yeah. I can get you another synthehol."

"No, thanks, Chak. How about I walk you back to your quarters? It's late, you have duty tomorrow."

"Nope. Kathryn and I decided we would stagger our work shifts for the next few days until things calm down. So I don't have duty until tomorrow night."

"Well, how do you think the Maquis are going to take the news?"

"The Maquis will not find out what really happened," Chakotay said. "And that is an order, Lieutenant."

"Hey, not a problem, Commander, I can keep my mouth shut, but unless you have suddenly developed magical powers that can silence the rumor mill on this ship, you are in for one major surprise in the next few days."

Chakotay sighed. "Yeah, I guess so. Well, for once, I'm not going to deal with the problem, Kathryn can."

Tom was a little shocked to hear that, but he thought it was time to get Chakotay home, before someone else wandered into Sandrine's.

It didn't take too much actually. Chakotay had gotten the initial news off his chest, and was willing to call an end to the evening. He and Tom walked through the quiet halls of Voyager, both lost in their own thoughts. When they got on the turbolift, Tom glanced at Chakotay.

"Hey, if you need someone to talk to. I think I owe you about four days of listening."

Chakotay nodded. He kept his face turned to the doors, but Tom could see Chakotay was hurt. Tom wondered how he kept going some days.

It was three weeks later. Chakotay was back on Alpha shift. The relationship between the two of them was professional, but cold. Kathryn had beaten the rumor mill to the punch and had leaked the news that she and Chakotay had come to an amicable break up. It really ate at Tom to keep his mouth shut when people talked about it, but he knew it was not only the best way to deal with the situation, but it was what Chak wanted as well. He hurt for the first officer.

So Tom started to watch Chakotay. He had been sitting in his own quarters when he had the idea. He started laughing as it played out in his mind. Chakotay would probably get just a tad bit warped when he figured out what Tom was doing, but it was worth it. Completely worth it. Tom did a quick computer check and found out Chak was in his quarters, alone.

Major surprise there, Tom thought, as he made his way to Chakotay's.

Chakotay just finished his dinner and was settling down to finish some reports when his door chimed.

"Come," he called, as he looked for a specific padd. He heard the door open, and looked a moment later. "Tom?"

"Hey, Chakotay. Can I come in?"

"Of course," Chakotay said, forgetting about the padd. He stepped around his desk. "What can I do for you?"

"Actually, I wanted to maybe set up an appointment about...um...my nightmares."

"Are you still having problems with them?"

"Chak, I have always had a problem with them. My shrink in prison told me it was my subconscious trying to get out."

Chakotay laughed. "Slightly simplistic, but it's close." He moved towards Tom. "When do you want to start?"

"Whenever would be good for you, Chak."

"Actually, I have an opening tomorrow. Would that be good for you?"

"Sure. What time? I'm off."

Chakotay went to his desk to check his appointments, when a thought struck him. Tom was being just a little too accommodating. He narrowed his eyes as he thought. Tom had studiously avoided counseling for years and now just decided to leap in with both feet. He looked up at Tom, who suddenly very, very neutral.

"Problem, Commander?"

"What's the angle, Paris?" Chakotay asked, leaning on his desk, figuring he was being duped.

"Angle?" Tom asked, looking particularly innocent. "I don't know what you're talking about Commander."

"Yeah, sure," Chak said, settling back against his desk. "Come clean, Paris."

"Clean. I'm sure I have no idea what you are talking about."

Chak simply crossed his arms as a response to that line. It took a moment before Tom finally broke.

"Okay, okay, so I figured it would give us a chance to talk without you feeling I was checking up on you or trying to be you new best friend."

Chakotay raised an eyebrow.

"C'mon, Chak. I was just trying to help you out."

"I ought to make you keep this appointment and continue in counseling just to get even with you."

"Hey! That's unfair. I try to do something nice, and you're out to get me for it?"

"Actually counseling does sound like a good idea. With the way you've been acting lately, I should probably schedule you for a psych evaluation to find out when you were replaced by an android or an alien or something."

"What are you talking about?"

"Tom, you haven't caused one iota of trouble in over a month. That is not the Tom Paris I know."

"I was working on... Never mind." Tom was not going to be the one to mention that program to Chakotay if it meant he had to cut his own tongue out. "What's the problem, Chak? Really, I just thought it would give us a chance to talk. I mean I know this thing with you and Kathryn has to be driving you nuts."

Chakotay looked at him for a minute and then admitted, "Actually, it isn't. I began to feel like I was having to work so hard at the relationship. My parents never seemed to have to work that way. I was wondering why I had to."

"You shouldn't have to."

Chakotay shrugged. Then he sighed. "Okay, Tom. I appreciate the effort, but whether you really want to go through with this is up to you. I'd be more than happy to help you, see if we can do anything, but unless you really want to, it's a waste of both of our times."

"Can you really help me with it? Sleep and dream meds don't," Tom asked, actually interested in getting past them.

"Maybe, it depends on the dreams. Why you're having them. What they're about," Chak said, relaxing his stance. "If meds don't work, it was probably something very traumatic that you have never dealt with. We can try meditation..."

Tom snorted. "We both know how good I am at that."

Chakotay smiled, with just a hint of dimple showing. "Yeah, but you did okay with relaxation techniques when you had some guidance."

"Slamming me face first into a wall is guidance?" Tom teased.

"Hey, it worked."

"Okay, Chak. I'll give you a shot at it."

Chakotay turned back to his desk, flipping a padd around. "Eleven-thirty hours, Mr. Paris, and wear something comfortable. We may end up on the floor," Chakotay said, concentrating on his calendar.

"Ooh, sounds like fun to me," Tom teased again.

Chakotay started to shrug the comment off, until he realized he was leaning over his desk, with his butt pointed directly at Tom. He straightened up and turned around, pinning Tom with an unamused glare. Tom smiled and shrugged innocently.

"No," Chakotay said sternly. "That will not happen. If you want to flirt, go somewhere else. I will not put up with..."

"Chill, Chak," Tom said, holding his hands up. "I was joking...mostly. I'm serious. If you think we can do something about the dreams, I'll do whatever you say. I was just giving you a hard time."

At eleven thirty sharp, the chime sounded to Chakotay's office.

"Come," he called, moving the report he had been working on aside.

The doors opened and Tom came into his office in blue jeans and a loose shirt. For a moment, Chakotay allowed himself a moment to admire Tom. Star Fleet uniforms although comfortable usually were not complimentary, while Tom's jeans were. However, he put a cap on the thoughts, Tom was here for counseling, and he wouldn't let his own starved libido or Tom's overactive one to ruin this. Tom had some hellatious nightmares.

"Glad you could make it, Tom," he said, standing up, and leaving his place of first officer at the desk. Now he was a counselor, and strangely enough, friend. "I have some rules in here when you come for counseling. One, I am Chakotay in this office. Ranks stay outside. Second, I won't discuss anything specific with anyone outside this office, with the exception of the Captain, and that will only be general information. Your files will be locked where no one can get into them without command overrides and no one has ever overridden my locks. Nothing you say will be used against you, and that is a promise, Tom. I know our past may cause you to be a little reserved in what you might say to me, but I take this very seriously. I won't use it against you."

"I believe you, Chak," Tom said, still standing in the middle of the room.

"Do you have any questions?"

"Nope."

"Would you like something to drink?"

"Nope."

"Then, let's get started. Have a seat."

After the doors to his office close, Chakotay took a moment to center himself. He had known Tom's dreams had involved someone trying to attack him, but the rest of it actually tore at him.

He thought back to when Tom had been in the Maquis. Shit, Tom had been younger and a strange mixture of sexual allure and hackled cat. You never knew if he was going to purr or hiss and spit, trying to lay you open. He shook his head.

Chak had convinced himself that Tom's time in Auckland had been easy. He had been wrong, dead wrong. If he was really going to help Tom, he was going to have to get access to those files, and this wasn't something that was going to be a quick fix. Not that counseling usually was, but, Spirits, he might still be meeting with Tom regularly when they got to the Alpha.

He would meditate tonight. That might give him some clues. He sat back down at his desk. He opened his file on Tom and made some notes. He sent a message to Kathryn, asking that she release the files she gotten on Tom's release from Auckland to Voyager. He hadn't done it before now, because he wasn't sure that Tom was actually going to show up for serious counseling; and despite everything between them, Chakotay didn't really have that kind of time to waste. He admitted that even now, he still held Tom at some distance, not really trusting him. He shook his head again and wondered if he was finally getting through the layers that were Tom Paris.

That evening, Chakotay sat alone in his quarters, sipping his tea. He had meditated and hadn't found any great revelations with his Spirit Guide. They had actually just sat together and shared in a companionable silence. It was a nice respite.

The next morning, Chakotay woke up unsettled. There was something nagging at him. His dream was lurking at the corners of his memory, and whatever it was, he didn't like it. He began to get ready for duty, but when he got to the mess hall, Kathryn was still there and Tom was sitting with Harry. Tom nodded to him as Chakotay went to get his breakfast. That reminded him to ask Kathryn for that file, pushing the unsettled feeling that was still nagging him away.

He chose a table by the window and ate breakfast, reviewing the padd B'Elanna gave him yesterday. It was full of tech's and spec's and although Chakotay was more than capable of following what she was saying, it required his attention to keep up with it.

Someone cleared their throat. Chakotay looked up, unaware that someone was standing beside him. He quirked an eyebrow at Tom, scanning the now empty mess hall.

"What can I do for you, Tom?"

"Two things, Commander," Tom said, standing at a something close to attention. "One, thanks for yesterday. I actually didn't have a nightmare last night. The breathing techniques seemed to help."

"Good, I'm glad that helped, but we still have to deal with the root of the problem."

"Oh, I agree," Tom said quickly.

"Good," Chakotay said. "What was the second thing?"

"You have about three minutes before your meeting with the Captain."

"What?" Chakotay asked, glancing at the chrono on the wall. Shoot, Tom was right. He started to get up.

Tom just stepped out of his way.

"Thanks, Tom. I got so wrapped up in this report, I lost track of time."

"Not a problem, Commander."

Kathryn was sitting behind her desk with a cup of coffee when he came in.

"Good morning," she greeted.

"Good morning," he said back, as he sat down across from her.

She picked up a padd and handed it to him. "Here's the file on Tom. I've added you to the authorization to read it. I am curious how you got Tom to agree to counseling. They had to put him with a betazoid in Auckland to get anything from him."

"I didn't. He came to me. It had to do with that away mission. He started to have some problems there, not only with claustrophobia, but he had a nightmare. We talked about it briefly there, but according to Tom, he continued to think about it and decided to give it a try. All the other counselors he had immediately put him on dream suppressants. Those weren't completely effective. All they did was push the dreams to the edges. He said it was like having someone watching him while he slept."

"That's not restful."

"No, so we are exploring other avenues."

"Such as?"

"Kathryn, this is a counseling situation," Chakotay said, wondering why he didn't want to discuss this with her. He had discussed other counseling sessions with her. "But, I will say that right now, Tom's using breathing techniques to get himself to sleep calmly. He stopped by my table this morning and said it had been effective."

Kathryn nodded with surprise. "Well, if it is successful, more power to you."