BAD PENNY

by: Denise
Feedback to: skydiver119@hotmail.com



DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters and property of Stargate SG-1 belong to MGM/UA, World Gekko Corp. and Double Secret Productions.  This fan fiction was created solely for entertainment purposes and no money was made from it.  Also, no copyright or trademark infringement was intended.  Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.  Any other characters, the storyline and the actual story are the property of the author.  Not to be archived without permission of the author(s).


Colonel Jack O’Neill lay on his back, his hands behind his head watching the clouds.

Not normally how he spent a mission, but damned if this wasn’t a nice change of pace from the usual "wonder if the natives are hostile", "what’s this?", "shoot their way out" way their missions tended to be.

According to base scuttlebutt, SG-1 was voted team not for the faint of heart. Some old-timers even referred to them as Memphis Belle. They seemed to see more action than the other 11 SG teams combined.

This mission however, was an exception to the rule. This is the life. No people, no large carnivorous animals, no evidence of Goa’uld habitation. Just lots and lots of green grass, tall trees and peace.

Jack shifted his gaze to check on his team. Over to his left, Dr. Daniel Jackson was surveying a few piles of rocks he found. Prior to their gating here, the UAV showed no signs of habitation within 20 miles of the gate. The MALP also showed nothing in the air to account for a lack of life.

Maybe instead of Argos, Jack would retire here. What more could a person ask for than his own private corner of the galaxy. Jack’s world...it had a nice ring to it.

A movement to his right caught his attention. Major Samantha Carter was returning, packing her samples in her backpack as she leisurely walked his way. She sat down beside him.

"Filled your quota of baggies?"

"Yes sir. You know, unless the tests reveal anything weird, P4A269 could be an alternative to our alpha site."

"You mean another place to hide if the Goa’uld come knocking?"

"Sure. You have to admit, this place is idyllic."

Daniel walked toward Jack with a disappointed look on his face. He was trailed by Teal’c. The Jaffa warrior seemed recently to make Daniel’s safety his primary concern. What an unlikely pair, the allergy ridden anthropologist and the stoic alien warrior.

Daniel plopped down beside his CO. "Well this has been a waste of Naquadah."

"Huh?"

"Jack there’s nothing here. Either this place has been deserted for so long all traces of civilization are gone or there never was anyone here."

"Well that gate didn’t build itself," Jack said, motioning to the device in question.

"We don’t know that. We have no idea how and why the Four built them."

"So colonel, do we stay or go?"

"O’Neill, there is no strategic reason to remain here."

"Oh I don’t know Teal’c. I’m kinda enjoying being on a planet where no one is trying to eat, kill, fold, spindle or mutilate me. Whatta you say kids? We have 48 more hours on this rock. How about a little down time on Hammond?"

"Jack are you suggesting we play hooky?"

"Hooky?"

"He means enjoy 48 hours of unofficial R & R Teal’c," Sam explained.

"I could look at those rocks...artifacts...a bit harder," offered Daniel conspiratorially.

"And I could collect a few more samples...tomorrow," Sam said, getting into the spirit.

"Sweet. Come on kids, let’s pitch our tents and enjoy a night of peace and quiet."


Two hours later, after a filling if not very tasty meal of Jack’s special MRE stew, the members of SG-1 were settling down for the night. Teal’c sat cross legged on the ground in his kel-no-reem state at the edges of the fire light. Daniel sat closer to the fire, using his flashlight to write in his journal.

Ya know, I really ought remind him about the meaning of Top Secret. Jack remembered going through Daniel’s journals when SG-1 cleaned out his apartment after they thought he was dead on Oannes.

Once they got their errant archaeologist back, Jack appropriated a foot locker and brought it to Daniel. If Danny boy was going to write down all sorts of stories and basically the secrets of the universe the least he could do was lock them up.

Jack knew if Hammond ever found out about the journals he’d order Daniel to keep them on base. If they ever got out to the general public all hell would break loose.

Unless someone in Hollywood got them. Then they’d probably turn them into some stupid sci-fi show.

Jack turned his attention back to the night sky. He wished he had his telescope. It was amazing. They were thousands of light years from Earth yet all the constellations were still the same.

OK so Orion was backwards and the big dipper looked like it was about to spill its contents on his head, but most of the basic stars were in the basic places. Their positions were just a bit skewed. Jack closed his eyes and sighed in contentment.

"You want first watch sir?"

Jack opened his eyes and focused on Sam. First and last watch were the most coveted. At least those people got uninterrupted sleep. Mid watch was the worst. You slept for a couple of hours, just as you were settling into a nice bit of REM sleep, your buddy would wake you up. Then after a couple of hours listening to everyone else snore, you had to try to wake someone else up and go back to sleep.

"Nah Carter. You can have it. Wake me in 3 hours."

Sam shot him a look of amazement. Usually Jack avoided mid watch. She agreed quickly, before he could change his mind.

Sam sat there, listening to the men around her sleep, an occasional snore or rustling of their sleeping bags the only other noise rising over the crackling of the fire. She looked at her watch. The colonel was due for his watch in 10 minutes. She figured she had just enough time to stretch her legs a bit before she woke him and got some sleep herself.

She got to her feet, stretching. As she walked past Teal’c he opened his eyes and met her gaze inquiringly.

"Just need to stretch my legs a bit...I’ll be back in 5," she reassured him.

Teal’c nodded and closed his eyes.

Sam walked away about 50 yards. Spying a medium sized fallen branch, She picked it up thinking a bit more firewood wouldn’t hurt. Turning back to the camp she failed to see the shadow detach itself from a tree. Years of training or maybe an ingrained survival instinct made her turn just as her attacker swung his primitive club. Her soft gasp was drowned out by the sound of wood striking skull as she slid bonelessly to the ground. Her attacker dropped his weapon, picked up the unconscious woman and vanished silently into the night.


"O’Neill."

Jack woke with a start, instinct making him reach for his gun. His sleep fogged mind registered the presence of Teal’c."Teal’c, what...?" Jack looked at his watch, "Carter should have woke me up half an hour ago."

"That is why I wake you O’Neill. Major Carter said she was going to stretch her legs, she should have returned 20 minutes ago."

"Damn," Jack stood up. "Which way?"

Teal’c pointed. Jack gathered his gun and walked over to the form of Daniel wrapped in his sleeping bag."Danny."

"Huh?"

"Daniel get up."

"Wha...it’s not morning."

"No it’s not. Carter’s missing."

"What?"

"Took a little walk. Something’s fishy here and I don’t want to split us up any more." Daniel scrambled out of his bedroll and fumbled for his glasses. He got to his feet. "What about the gear?"

"We’ll come back for it...Teal’c."

The Jaffa led the way. The party walked slowly. This planet had two moons, unfortunately neither was up and shining at the moment. Teal’c found Sam’s trail, a faint path where her steps had knocked the dew off the grasses. They were about 50 yards from camp when Daniel’s flashlight illuminated an ominous sight.

"Jack."

Daniel bent down and picked up the club, the beam from his flashlight reflected off the shiny dark stain. "Is this what I hope it isn’t?"

Jack touched the stain and rubbed the liquid between his fingers, his flashlight illuminating a couple of short blond hairs mixed with the blood. "Crap."

"It is blood DanielJackson."

"So much for deserted." Jack surveyed the area. He saw nothing. It was simply too dark.

"Jack how...?"

"I don’t know Daniel. I doubt she hit herself. Go grab the gear, just the basics. We’ll lose this trail when the sun rises."

The two men hurried back to their camp. Jack strained his eyes vainly, a tiny part of him hoping to see Carter come walking out of the trees. He looked down at the blood on his fingers. "Dammit Carter. What did you get yourself into?"


Oh God...my head hurts. Sam groaned and forced her eyes open. What the hell? She brought her hand up to touch her aching head and immediately regretted it when her fingers came away sticky with blood. Oh man, what hit me?

She surveyed her surroundings, trying to make her eyes focus. Cave walls, illuminated by firelight, packed dirt floor. A small pile of what looked like pots told her this wasn’t an animal’s den, at least not the four legged type. She was lying on a pile of furs. The cave seemed deserted.

She forced herself to her feet, fingers digging into the wall as she was hit by a wave of vertigo. Oh yeah, concussion...big time. She felt for her weapons. The rifle was gone, so was her sidearm and her knife. She wiggled her foot and felt the reassuring presence of the small pocket knife she had started to carry. She looked around the chamber but saw no sign of her weapons. I’ll come back for them later.

Walking carefully over to the fire she picked up a small branch to use as a torch. The cave was bigger at one end than the other. Hoping the big end meant escape she slowly started to make her way out. Maybe she could just slip away and find the guys. She staggered along occasionally stopping and closing her eyes when the dizziness became too much.

Finally she felt a faint breeze and saw daylight. She let the torch drop to the ground and squinted her eyes as the sudden brightness shot daggers of pain through her head.

She stood at the mouth of the cave, shading her eyes with her hand. The cave was about 30 feet up and offered an aerial view of the valley below. There off to her right about 3 miles away was the gate. OK...two gates, close enough. She looked around...there was a path down. Doesn’t look too steep...I can do this.

"Now Sami, you didn’t come all this way to leave empty-handed, did you?"

At the sound of a voice behind her she spun around, fingers fumbling at her empty holster. Her eyes went wide and her last conscious thought as the lost her balance and fell off the ledge articulated itself in one choked word, "Jonus?"


Jack, Daniel, and Teal’c trekked silently through the woods. The last of the dew had dried hours ago. Now Teal’c was tracking Sam only by muffled footprints and occasional smears of blood on the foliage. Jack knew from experience head wounds bled like a mother but he was concerned how long Sam’s had been bleeding. They had been walking for more than 6 hours.

"O’Neill."

Jack turned to see Teal’c pointing up at a rock face. Jack saw Sam stagger out of a opening about 30 feet up. Thank god she’s still alive. The right side of her head and uniform were covered with blood, but she was alive. She didn’t see her team mates below, instead she seemed to be looking off in the distance.

Jack guessed she was getting her bearings, looking for the gate. Before Jack could call out he saw her spin around and start to fall. Her plummet was halted when a figure lunged forward and pulled her back.

Jack watch the man carry an obviously unconscious Sam back into the cave.

"Jack?"

"Yeah Daniel."

"Did I just see who I thought I saw?"

"If you believe you saw Captain Jonus Hansen you would be correct DanielJackson."

"So we all saw a ghost?"

"No we saw a dead man."

OK...OK...that’s...that’s...wrong. Jack he’s dead. The natives on P3X513 tossed him through the gate without opening the iris. He’s..."

"An iris pancake Daniel, I know."

"We were obviously mistaken O’Neill. Captain Hansen is alive."

"Ya think?"

"So what do we do?"

"Well we sure as hell ain’t leaving Carter with him..."

"And?" Jack sighed.

"And homicidal megalomaniac or not he’s SGC. We don’t leave people behind..." Daniel shot him a look, "On purpose. We need to take him back with us."


Jack cautiously climbed the path up to the cave. He honestly didn’t know what he’d find.

Two years ago Jonus Hansen was in command of SG-9. Then inexplicably he wigged out murdering Frakes, his team anthropologist, then he tried to kill Connor, not to mention all of SG-1.

All because of his delusion of god hood.

It actually wasn’t unusual for any SG team to come across natives who believed only Gods came through the gate. They had the Goa’ulds to blame for that. SOP was to dispel those beliefs.

Hansen and his team didn’t do that, in fact he encouraged them. If that wasn’t bad enough he then really went off the deep end. He forced the natives to build him a temple. There was never an accurate count but the SGC guessed Hansen was responsible for hundreds of deaths.

Up to this point SG-1 honestly believed the man was dead. All Jack could figure was that Hansen deliberately didn’t dial Earth, or he mis-dialed and when the angry natives threw him through the gate he landed on this planet instead of smacking into the iris.

Jack didn’t know if he was doing the right thing trying to bring Hansen back to Earth. Delusional or not the man was a mass murderer. On Earth he would probably be locked into some highly classified loony bin.

Life in prison was no future.

But leaving him here wasn’t a viable option either. Even two year old intelligence could do some real damage in the wrong hands. There was just no easy, black and white answer.

Jack silently entered the cave, slowly feeling his way in the dim light. The cave took an abrupt turn to the right. Jack saw firelight flickering on the rough wall. He dropped to his knees and carefully peeked around the corner.

Sam was still unconscious, lying on her side on a pile of furs that must serve Hansen as a bed. Hansen was kneeling, using a small wet rag to carefully clean the blood off her face.

Jack looked at Hansen’s face. He saw only concern, no trace of the madness that once burned in his eyes. This was far too weird. Could a man go sane just as quickly as he went insane?

Jack didn’t know. What he did know was that the confrontation couldn’t be put off forever.

Making a quick decision, he got to his feet, took a few silent steps back, then walked into the cave as casually as he would walk into his living room. Seeing the movement, Hansen looked up from his ministrations, "O’Neill, I was wondering where you were."

"Really?"

"Of course. I know my Sami’s a bit bullheaded but I couldn’t see you letting my wife run off on her own looking for me."

"Oh I think It’s safe to say she wasn’t alone." What the hell is he talking about? Him and Carter married? Jack squatted down by Sam, checking her pulse. "What happened to her?"

"I didn’t see it but it must have been the monster."

"Monster?"

"It must have been. Until you arrived it was just him and me."

"Who is this monster... A Goa’uld?"

"No, no, he’s a regular big foot. All I’ve seen in the past two years has been footprints where I haven’t walked and occasionally someone helping himself to a snare or two."

"So how’d you get stuck here?" Jack asked conversationally.

"Dunno. Went through the gate like normal but instead of P3X513 I ended up here...without my team."

"You didn’t try to get back?"

"And get smeared on the iris? No way. Anyway every time I get near the gate I pass out. Must be an energy barrier of some kind."

"MMM," Jack agreed. Something was definitely fishy here. The man before him was nothing like the homicidal maniac that nearly killed him and his team two years ago.

In fact he was willing to bet Hansen’s "Monster" existed more in the man’s mind than in any plane of reality. He’d seen symptoms like this before, men who could no longer deal with the guilt of their actions. They buried them much the same way severely abused children created different personalities to deal with trauma.

Jack figured Hansen was stable enough for now, but who knew how going through the gate would affect him.

Jack’s dark thoughts were broken by a small moan from Sam. He looked down. Her eyes fluttered open and her right hand tried to find its way to her head in an instinctive response to find the source of her pain. Jack reached out and gently grabbed her hand.

"Don’t."

"Huh?"

"Trust me Carter, it’ll just hurt worse."

Sam looked toward the source of the voice. "Colonel...what?" She struggled to sit up.

"Whoa, easy."

Jack reached out a steadying hand. "I remember the strangest thing..."

"Sami, how ya feel?" At the sound of Hansen’s voice Sam’s eyes grew wide as she shifted her gaze to the face of her supposedly dead ex-fiancee. Jack saw confusion, disbelief and fear flicker across her face in quick succession.

"Uuh..."

"I think the Major could use a drink, couldn’t ya?"

Taking her cue: "Yeah, Jonus, can I...aah...have a drink?" Hansen bent down and picked up a small wooden bowl.

"Sure Sami. There’s a spring in the back of the cave. I’ll be right back."

Sam and Jack watched the man grab a small torch from the fire and disappear into the depths of the cave. "He’s..."

"Alive," Jack finished.

"How?"

"Must have dialed here instead of Earth. Unless you’ve started playing with quantum mirrors now?"

Sam shot Jack a cold look. "No. Guess you haven’t. Hey..." Jack held up two fingers in front of Sam’s face. "How many?"

Sam tried to focus but failed. "Ooh...too many." She groaned as she drew up her knees and rested her head in her hands propped on her knees.

"I’m not surprised. He whacked you pretty good."

"He?"

"I’m pretty sure it was Hansen who attacked you. He claims there’s a monster around but I’ve seen similar symptoms before...almost a Sybil thing."

"Disassociative disorder," she mumbled.

"Huh?"

"Multiple personalities."

"Yeah. In Hansenland he gated here instead of 513."

"So he never murdered his team or all those people."

"Right. He’s an innocent little Robinson Caruso," Jack answered sarcastically.

"What are we going to do?"

"Murderer or not, we can’t leave him here. If some Goa’uld gets a hold of him..."

"So we take him back to life in a hospital for the criminally insane?"

"Catch 22."

Sam nodded. They heard the shuffle of steps approaching. Jack reached into his pack and handed her a couple of pain killers. She accepted them gratefully.

"Oh by the way, in Hansenland you’re married to him and have spent the last two years searching the galaxy for your lost love."

"Now you tell me," she muttered as Hansen stepped into the main chamber. He walked forward and offered Sam the bowl. She accepted it, drinking deeply as she washed down the aspirin.

"You don’t seem glad to see me Sami."

"I...just...can’t believe it," she answered truthfully.

"Hansen, you have any idea where Carter’s gear went?"

"The monster..."

"Yeah, where does he put stuff?"

"Sometimes I find things in a small cave just below this one."

"Sweet. Look we obviously need to get Carter back to some real medical attention, and we can’t go without you. Can you show me the cave so we can get back to Earth?"

"Sure," Hansen agreed.

He and Jack stood up and helped Sam to her feet."You OK to climb down?" Jack asked.

"Yeah, I’ll be fine," She reassured.


The trio climbed carefully down the narrow path, Hansen leading the way, then Sam with Jack bringing up the rear. Jack fought the urge to keep Sam as far away from her ex-fiancee as possible. But considering the concussion he knew she had, being in the middle was definitely the safest place to be in case she got dizzy or passed out again.

They found the cave just as Hansen promised and after asking him to stay outside to watch for the monster, Sam and Jack entered the small recess.

Just as he had predicted, all her gear had been safely stowed. Jack saw relief flicker across her face as she slid her sidearm and knife into their respective holsters. He handed her the rifle and she slipped the strap cautiously over her head.

"Got everything?"

She checked the weapons, making sure they were still loaded. "It’s all here."

"Good. I think our best bet to get him back to the SGC is to play along with his little delusion. As long as he’s in Hansenland we should be OK."

"What about when we get to the gate? If anything’s going to trigger his memories, that will."

"We’ll get Teal’c to shadow him."

Sam nodded, the closed her eyes briefly against the pain. "You OK?" Jack asked concerned.

"Remember how you described feeling after the Ancients played with your head?"

"Yeah," Jack winced in remembered pain.

"I wish mine felt that good."

"Just a few more hours," he reassured her.


O’Neill, Carter, and Hansen reached the base of the cliff. Jack heard a small rustle in the bushes and wasn’t surprised to see Teal’c and Daniel come into view. Both men looked relieved to see their missing teammate.

"Daniel, Teal’c, looks like our mission was a success," Jack hurried to say.

"Indeed."

"Mission?"

"Yeah Daniel, our search for Captain Hansen. You know the one we’ve been carrying on for the last two years ever since he failed to arrive at P3X513 and got marooned here." Come on Daniel, play along.

Jack saw understanding dawn in Daniel’s eyes.

"Riiight. Of course how could I forget," Daniel turned toward the castaway. "Captain Hansen, I don’t believe we’ve met, I’m Daniel Jackson."

"Nice to meet you. You helped Sami find me."

"Sami...ooh...Sam...yes, yes we’ve been helping her."

"Well I can’t thank you enough."

"Sure...sure...no problem."

"Hey folks, we gotta get a move on if we’re gonna get out of here before nightfall. Teal’c, you take point."

With that the group retraced their steps toward the stargate. Jack surreptitiously signaled for Daniel to hang back. "Danny, I want you to keep close to Carter."

"Why?"

"I’m pretty sure Hansen’s who attacked her and I’m afraid the closer we get to the gate the more likely it is he’ll wigout again."

"So what do we do?"

"Warn Teal’c. Keep an eye on him."

Daniel nodded and jogged up to Sam and Hansen. Jack heard snatches of conversation as Daniel began to grill Jonus about his experiences of the last two years. This was one time Jack was grateful for Daniel’s gift of gab.


"There’s a potato like vegetable I found. I was going to plant some in a garden this year. They’re not bad, but I really miss the butter and sour cream."

"I know. I loved living on Abydos, but after a few months I would have given almost anything for a cup of coffee or a chocolate bar."

"Coffee...remember Sami, the French roast I got at that little place in Manitou Springs?"

"Yeah, the shop’s still there."

Daniel noticed his partner’s less than enthusiastic response. He remembered how tough it was for her the last time they dealt with Hansen. It was rough enough dealing with a comrade going bad but having your ex-fiancee trying to kill you, not to mention working hundreds of people to death really sucked.

Daniel knew he hadn’t been the only one to feel a sort of guilty relief when they believed Hansen had died.

"So Jonus, what else have you found out about this world?"

Sam listened to Jonus and Daniel start a discourse on the various plants and animals of the planet. She was grateful for Daniel’s intervention. It saved her from having to deal with him.

This whole incident was dredging up feelings she had thought long since buried. Two years ago she tried to shoot him but couldn’t pull the trigger. Then when the natives threw him through he gate to a supposedly closed iris...all she felt was relief.

Relief that he was conveniently gone and she didn’t have to deal with him. A tiny part of her wished for a timely bolt of lightning, poisonous snake, hell even a Goa’uld attack...anything to just make Jonus go away again.


As the group cleared the trees the stargate came into sight. Jack motioned to Teal’c to close ranks. Jack had a feeling Hansen’s "monster" was going to make an appearance any time now. Hansen’s comment that he passed out or was attacked when ever he approached the gate told O’Neill Hansen’s subconscious didn’t want him to leave his self imposed prison.


In the end, they carried an unconscious, bound and gagged Jonus Hansen through the gate.

Despite their vigilance the man caught them by surprise.

As they approached the DHD, Hansen spun around, yanking Daniel’s sidearm from his holster and clubbing the young man on the head. Though stunned, Daniel exhibited that chivalrous attitude that had gotten them in trouble so many time before as he threw himself on top of Sam, fortunately pushing her out of the path of the bullet Hansen sent her way.

Without looking to see if his first bullet had found its mark, Hansen shot Teal’c in the leg, sending the Jaffa to the ground. Jack raised his rifle but before could fire he saw Hansen fall backwards.

Sam had pushed a dazed Daniel off her and pulled her sidearm. This time she did pull the trigger. Jack carefully walked over to Hansen, kicking the gun from his slack hands. Jack knelt down and felt for a pulse.

"Colonel?"

"He’s alive." Jack looked back at Sam. "How’s Daniel?"

"Just stunned I think."

"Actually I feel like a bad morning after," Daniel spoke up as he sat up clutching his head. "That son of a bitch broke my glasses."

"Teal’c?" Jack called as he proceeded to use his gun strap to tie Hansen’s hands firmly behind his back.

"I am injured but nothing my larvae cannot repair."

"Well, that was fun. Danny can you dial us home?"

"Yeah," Daniel got to his feet and walked slowly to DHD shoving the pieces of his glasses into his pocket. "What about the gear Jack?"

"Someone else can come back for it."


"Major Carter suffered a severe concussion, maybe a hairline skull fracture and a laceration that took 10 stitches to close. She’s in the infirmary for the next 48 hours, then light duty for a week. Daniel just has a bump on the head. Nothing a few aspirin won’t cure. Teal’c was shot in the left thigh, thanks to his larvae there won’t even be a mark on him by morning. Colonel O’Neill was unscathed," Dr. Janet Frasier reported to General Hammond.

"And Hansen?"

"He is in a holding cell on level 16 in restraints. The bullet hit no major organs."

"His mental status?"

"He still believes his version of the past. I’ve arranged for him to be transferred to the Air Force Academy Psych Ward."

"Where we sent Jackson during his...difficulties."

"It’s the only mental facility for highly classified patients we have."


Jonus Hansen looked out the barred windows. They couldn’t imprison him here forever.Somehow he would escape this conspiracy and get back to his Sami. It would just take time. If she could search the galaxy for him, he would find her on one tiny little planet. After all, every God needs his Goddess.


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