DISCLAIMER: Star Wars and all publicly recognisable characters, names and references, etc are the sole property of George Lucas, Lucasfilm Ltd, Lucasarts Inc and 20th Century Fox. This fan fiction was created solely for entertainment and no money was made from it. Also, no copyright or trademark infringement was intended. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Any other characters, the storyline and the actual story are the property of the author.
As Sabé slept, her dreams, usually bits and pieces of chaos that she couldn't remember, began to take shape.
She was on a catwalk, looking up. Qui-Gon Jinn was fighting the Sith, and making some progress in the battle, but he needed help. She felt a summoning of the Force that levitated her to the next catwalk.
The Sith and Jinn had progressed to a series of force fields, and she was running as fast as she could to catch up, a lightSabér in her hand. She was getting close and would be able to assist the Master in just a moment. A field closed, separating her from the two combatants. She was anxious, she had to get to Jinn's side and join the fray. She saw the Master kneel and rest, the Sith pace and cherish his fury.
The fields opened, she ran again, getting closer this time. She was confident that she could catch up, but just before she was there, the last field closed. She gasped, taking in air, preparing help with Jinn's moves once she could join him. She watched every move of the staff and Sabér, she bounced up and down, hardly containing herself. Her teeth ground together, every muscle in her body was tense and tight...
She awoke with a start, still shaking with the adrenaline that was coursing through her body. Hand to her chest, she tried to calm herself. She realized that it was more than a nightmare.
Only a moment had passed before Obi-Wan was at the door, leaning against the frame. He was shaking also, and looked very sheepish. "I'm sorry. I dozed off. I didn't mean to send that to you." He looked away. "No one's supposed to see. I let my guard down."
Sabé studied him for a beat, then reached out. "Come here, I want to talk to you. Is Meira still asleep?"
"Yes, I checked her right after I...we woke up. She's fine." Obi-Wan sat next to Sabé on the bed.
She took his hand. "Don't apologize for what happened. You've nothing to be ashamed of. You may show me the rest of it, if you wish. You've carried it around too long"
He faced her, surprised. "You would see that side of me and not despise me? I failed everyone. If The Council knew, they would take me off duty. Anakin would be taken from me. I haven't dared let it slip. I finally relaxed, and I lost control."
Sabé gave his hand a slight squeeze. "The Temple will hear nothing of this. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's keeping secrets," she smiled in encouragement.
Obi-Wan shook his head and gave her a mock glare. "Don't I know that!"
She nodded, then said, seriously, "It's just the two of us. When you're ready."
He hesitated, then Obi-Wan held out his other hand.
Acting on instinct, Sabé moved her fingers to intertwine with the Jedi's.
She was there, reliving the conflict, seeing the events as Obi-Wan did. When Master Jinn was struck down, she felt the snap in her mind, Jinn had severed the bond to spare his Padawan the agony, but in doing so, all that was warmth, light, love, and life abandoned the young Jedi in an instant. He had withdrawn all his bonds with others. He had never felt so alone in her life, but every bit of his energy would be needed to survive the fight. He wanted the Sith to pay for taking the Master from him.
When the field opened, she knew he was more aggressive in fighting than he had ever been, he moved faster, letting the rage and fury push him to new heights. Suddenly his opponent took that anger and used it against him. As Obi-Wan flew though the air, and found himself hanging on the one piece of machinery against the wall, she even knew the pain as it cut into his fingers. Still, his overriding thought was not to fail the Master again. The Sith kicked the lightSabér down the shaft and taunted him. He began showering him with hot sparks, stinging Obi-Wan's face and eyes, trying to induce the fall.
The strategy caught the Sith by surprise, as he floated up, grabbed the Master's lightSabér, flipped into position and struck the creature down. As he fell, there was a brief flicker of a dark perverse satisfaction, a thrill, a fulfillment, that would have never been permitted by any of his teachers.
//No, Obi-Wan,// the Master's faint sending called. //Don't fall with him//
Only Qui-Gon could have called him away from the darkness. The grief of their last moments together and his assignment from his Master gave Obi-Wan the reason to push all the hate away.
She couldn't tell how long he had been kneeling there, time was passing differently for him, but she was able get a fix on it when he sensed a group of people had arrived. He was angry at first, outraged that these strangers were intruding on his private time of mourning. A soft hand touched his shoulder, a gentle attempt was made to send through the most recent bond. Sabé realized it was how she had appeared to him at the moment she was there to offer comfort.
He had wished that he could lean on her. She was now his closest friend here. He turned it over in his mind, then decided against it. It seemed too much to ask. She would have her own problems taking care of her duties to Naboo. In any case, he knew that she deserved a better friend, companion, and lover than the person he had just become, a Padawan that had violated the philosophy of the Jedi. She should remain unaware of what had tempted him.
When she got no response, she turned to go. Even without activating the bond, her grief for his loss and now her own, was apparent. He was sorry, but he forced himself to push that from his mind. "No," he told himself, "There is no emotion..."
He had done an excellent job of hiding the near brush with the forbidden. Everyone considered him very brave, he was knighted, Ani became his Padawan. All looked fine on the outside. Nobody saw that the only way he knew the sun was shining was to see if there were shadows on the ground outside. Even colors had lost their brilliance.
Sometimes, when alone, in the black of the night, the dark side would swirl around him like a tangible thing. He could feel it crave him, hear its call, know of its wish to surround him.
The rest of the time went by in flashes, pieces of images, bits of sound, enough to give Sabé the impressions of what had been.
Bant, Reeft, Garen Muln and Shara had seen the light go out of his eyes. They did not wish to abandon their friend, but no matter what their efforts, they brought no relief. Even when they all worked hard to prepare a birthday banquet, he consumed it out of obligation, not because the food held any flavor. Feeling useless, they reluctantly began to drift away.
Master Yoda would try to help. He would point out how the work was beginning to slip, and how Anakin was being cheated out of the Master he deserved. He noted how his former pupil was no longer close to any crechemates. The ancient Master cajoled, reprimanded, ordered, then finally pleaded with him to accept the help of the healers. He had resisted it all.
A different sensation took over. Obi-Wan was releasing her from the vision. She was leaving the shared experience, and returning to the present. It was as if she were weighted and trying to swim back up, fighting to keep from being dragged down. But there was light above, she struggled, focused on it, and soon did break the surface.
She regained consciousness, gasping for air, as if she really had escaped drowning. She reached to wipe her face, and found that she was weeping, still struggling to shake the despair. She lay on the bed, gathering her wits. Looking around the room, she reoriented herself with its dimensions, observing that the walls were blue, there was a painting of a landscape on the right-hand side, that the air was a bit warm, but comfortable.
Obi-Wan sat on the edge of the bed, facing the left wall, sighing. He had the air of one who had just shed a tremendous burden. He turned to gaze at Sabé. At first there was relief in his eyes, but when he saw her, he was filled with remorse. "I shouldn't have done it. You should not be crying my tears." He laid next to her, holding her close, and helping her center.
"Obi-Wan," she whispered, "It was necessary. No more regrets. Now, let this pain go." She closed her eyes and concentrated.
He kissed her forehead, gentle and reassuring gesture. Before either of them realized what was happening, he continued, touching his lips to her cheeks, the tip of her nose. Then their lips met. He intended for the contact to be brief, but they both froze in place.
He heard the sharp intake of Sabé's breath as she shuddered. She glowed with a new resolve. Pressing harder against his mouth and his body, she poured everything she felt into the kiss, as if it were the only one she might ever have with him again.
Obi-Wan caught her need, it boosted his. He grasped the back of her head, and slipped his tongue between her lips. She moaned, which drew him deeper into desire. His left finger traced the outside of her ear, down her cheek, and over her neck. He found her breast, cupped it with his palm, then rubbed his thumb over the nipple.
Sabé drew back from the kiss, and mouthed his name. She grasped him with one leg and held him in place as he began to unfasten her nightgown. He nuzzled her neck, nipped lightly at the base of her throat, working his way down as each button was undone.
When he reached her breasts, he stopped for a moment and just savored the feel of her bare skin against his face. The break allowed Sabé to reach down and unfasten his belt. She slid it off the bed. Reaching up under his loose tunics, she ran her fingertips over him, starting at his waist. She explored his body, front and back, delighting in his texture, finding where his muscles were hard, discovering a few scars here and there, and caressing those spots with a bit more tenderness.
Obi-Wan's breathing began to grow more ragged, and he was hardening fast. Sabé felt the pressure against her and smiled.
She slid off the bed, to the side, stood and let the garment fall to the floor. Obi-Wan reached over, pulled the panties off, and they landed on the gown.
Sabé motioned for him to sit on the edge of the bed. She grasped the waist of his pants to remove the last real barrier between them. He raised his hips to help her and his hardness sprang out in full view. Quickly, she finished with removing the boots, and smiling, sat back to appraise him.
"Still impressive," she whispered. Catching the twinkle in his eye, Sabé winked, got on her knees and descended upon his erection, lapping at it first, then taking it fully into her mouth. His musky scent and slightly bitter taste caused her to make a series of small contented grunts while she moved up and down his length. She ran her fingers over the skin of his inner thighs and up to his abdomen and back.
Obi-Wan bit his lip and fought back the urge to let her carry him to climax this soon. He reached down and stroked her head. "Not so fast," he admonished. "I want to taste you. Are you still as sweet?"
Removing her mouth from him, she spoke. "You be the judge of that." Sabé then got on the bed to lie alongside him.
He dipped two fingers into her, and whistled softly. He put his fingers to his mouth and slowly licked them as she watched. "Even sweeter than before." He moved the wet fingers to her clitoris and began to swirl it in the way she most enjoyed.
She let him take control and give her the pleasure she had craved. The heat and tightness began in her, and she let the sensations flow until she almost screamed from her orgasm.
As she came down from the climax, she checked on Meira through the maternal bond. She was relieved to find that the baby was still sleeping.
"Now," Sabé said, "I'd like to address that." She eyed Obi-Wan, saw he was still firm. In a smooth motion, she straddled him, guided him inside and started the rhythm.
Obi-Wan let himself fall back and focus on the moment. She varied the speed until she found the pace he liked. The intensity began building and soon he wished to be more active with her. He sat up abruptly, supporting Sabé around the waist with one arm. He kissed her once more, a slow deep wet kiss, and then gathered the left breast in one hand to run his tongue over and around it. He used the Force to help keep them wrapped together and moving just right.
Suddenly, the moment came when they shared more than bodies. Very briefly, he could see into her. As they communed, Obi-Wan was reminded of her qualities he found most attractive: loyalty, strength, skill and intelligence. He continued his exploration and found something he had not expected. He brushed against a loneliness. It wasn't overwhelming, but it had been hovering in the background for some time. As soon as she sensed he found it, she shielded as an automatic reaction.
"Sabé," he said, touching her face. She didn't meet his eyes. "I know-there hasn't been anyone else. I'm sorry."
"I'm not unhappy," she whispered. "There will be time to talk about it later."
With that, they threw themselves completely into the lovemaking.