DISCLAIMER: Star Wars and all publicly recognisable characters, names and references, etc are the sole property of George Lucas, Lucasfilm Ltd, Lucasarts Inc, 20th Century Fox, Timothy Zahn, Barbara Hambly, YKW and the other writers of the expanded Star Wars Universe. This fan fiction was created solely for entertainment and no money was made from it. Also, no copyright or trademark infringement was intended. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Any other characters, the storyline and the actual story are the property of the author.
Mara was sitting on the floor, her legs folded up under her. As Vaiya entered the room, she looked up, and for a moment Vaiya saw her mother again, and her heart started to pound.
"Yes?" Vaiya said, her voice timid whether she willed it so or not.
"How long are they going to keep me here?" Mara asked calmly.
Vaiya shrugged. "They seem to think that you'll get your memory back naturally."
Mara's lip curled into a grin. "Nice try. They think I'm dangerous. Because the Mara you knew had a lot of information about this 'New Republic' and you think that I may know it too, therefore I can't leave while my loyalties are in question." She paused and sighed. "How bad do you think it will be? Will they have to execute me?"
"Father would never allow that," Vaiya said before she could stop the words.
For a moment, Mara's eyes seemed to cloud over, as if she were seeing things only she could see. "Yes...Skywalker. He hasn't been around here much. I began to wonder if the injury inflicted upon my brain had actually been some sort of implant the rebels put in me, because Skywalker has barely been here three times. If he's such a devoted husband and father, why isn't he here, trying to 'get me back?'"
"For the same reasons you asked me to come here instead of him," Vaiya replied, as if it were not herself speaking but some voice from within her. "Because you don't want to see him. It just brings him pain. And because all of this is the truth and you know it."
"Maybe I do want to see him," Mara whispered.
"Why? To yell and scream and throw things at him again?" Okay, now she was getting angry. She couldn't continue down this course. She had to decide between keeping everything peaceful and reaching down and strangling her mother right then and there.
"You know," Mara said, still in that dreamy voice, "I was thinking about faking it a little while ago. Pretending to remember everything....then sticking a knife in his back when he wasn't looking. But for some reason, I couldn't do it. I mean, I don't even know why I'm telling you this. It just isn't like me. But the things I've been thinking and feeling aren't me, either, so I figured, what the hell? Go with the flow, Mara. The flow usually knows it own way out." She took a deep breath. "I tried to tell myself at first that I didn't do that because Skywalker would see right through me. I hear he's a Jedi Master now, and while I don't give much credit to Jedi of any sort, I wouldn't want to test my life against my disbelief. But all of that is bantha fooder. In the end, I just plain couldn't do it. And you," she turned her head back to Vaiya, her eyes searching her up and down. "I know who you are. I don't know how you came to be, I don't even know if it was me who carried you, what with medicine nowadays. But you are blood of my blood, and I live by my loyalty. Family....has always come first."
Mara's brow contorted for a moment, as if the mere act of
thinking brought her pain. Something about the word family.....
"So you accept me as your daughter?" Vaiya tried.
"I accept that you are. And you don't seem to be like the rest of them. They all come in here and look at me like some rimworld freak. Or like they're scared of me. I think I would have enjoyed that, under other circumstances. But I've been doing some research. I managed to secure myself a clean line to your holonet, just to make sure no one is giving me false information. It wasn't easy, but I was trained to break into anything. And I discovered all this New Republic stuff was true, and that Palpatine has been dead for over thirty years." She stretched out her arms, which, in spite of the fact that she was in her 50's, were in excellent shape. "Plus there is this to consider. I mean, I may look none the worse for wear, but I have been worn. So you see, Vaiya," she sighed, "I simply have no choice but to adapt to my new surroundings."
Vaiya knelt down before her mother, their knees a mere two feet apart. "But you knew all of this before," she said, putting more conviction in her voice. "You told me that you knew that there were things missing, that we were all telling you the truth. But you said you didn't want to remember."
Mara shrugged. "Sometimes we have to take what we don't really want."
Vaiya frowned. "But you can't expect me to just get up and show you back to your quarters," she said. "I mean, you don't want to go back to my father--you can't stand him! What makes you think you can even do this?"
Mara's head dipped slightly. The proud, haughty exterior was starting to crumble. "I always do what I have to," she said.
Vaiya's frown was now a full-blown scowl. "I don't believe you, Mother. I'm starting to get a really terrible feeling that this is all still one of your scams to get out of here. You think I don't know you, but you used to tell me stories about your days as the Emperor's Hand, even right after the Emperor was killed and you had to escape from the palace because Isard was after you. I know how you manipulated people. I won't be one of them."
She stood up to go. She was making an awfully big gamble, but if Mara's heart was still there, buried under all that anger, then this might be the only thing to get it to start beating again.
"Wait!" Mara called, scrambling to her feet. Vaiya felt a rush of emotion from her, and paused just long enough to look at her over her shoulder. Mara almost looked embarrassed.
"Look, would you just give me a break!" she said, flustered. "Stars....you have to be my daughter. Suspicion lives in your blood."
"So does hope," Vaiya countered.
Mara took a deep breath and nodded. "I know. But even though I've been trying to get out of here, everything I've told you is the truth. I learned early that sometimes telling the truth made the best lie. It's usually so odd, no one believes it. But I was telling you the truth. I swear it."
The sincerity on her face made Vaiya turn. Now she was getting somewhere. "But you also told the truth when you said you didn't want to remember."
Mara shook her head. "No, I don't. I mean, look at it from my perspective. All I've known is this, who I am now. You're asking me to destroy it so some stranger can take its place. I don't care if I've only been here a few days, weeks, months, I don't even know how long it's been. But this is it." She snorted. "What's really bugging me the most is that I feel like I'm still not me, that I keep doing and saying things, like all I'm saying right now, this baring-of-the-soul wampa dung, is not something I would ever say. And I'm just not ready to welcome back in all these things that are scaring me to death right now."
"But you know that they are truly you," Vaiya murmured. "I can sense it. Even now, you know that I can help you get these things back."
"Yes, I know that you can. I don't know how I know, but I do. Maybe that's why I'm so scared of you, but I never let that intimidate me before. Maybe other under circumstances I would have done something like this on a dare, but this is too serious. I can't make light of it anymore." Mara's gaze clouded over briefly as she took Vaiya in again. In the cloak and black pantsuit, she looked like her father again. Her father....
"Plus Skywalker is so much less than what I pictured him to be. I mean, I had this real terrible vision of him as some dark and twisted Jedi. He's more of just a lovesick puppy." She grinned to herself. "At least I get that much revenge."
"That's all you've seen of him because you're afraid to see anything else." The words were a calm statement, not an accusation.
"Yes." Mara almost squirmed. "Whatever other arguments we go into, one thing remains. I know that this isn't how I'm supposed to be. I hate that fact, and I would love to continue throwing tantrums before finally escaping and going out to wreck some havoc across the galaxy, but the fact is, it isn't going to happen."
"So resignation is your only hope, then?" Vaiya whispered.
"Perhaps."
"Why don't you take until dawn to meditate on it, then," Vaiya suggested. "I won't be going anywhere. When the sun rises, send for me. Whatever you decide then will be your fate."
"Fine," Mara murmured, her thoughts away at that moment. "Give me some time to get my thoughts together." She gave a dry chuckle. "They may be my last ones."