DISCLAIMER: Star Wars and all publicly recognisable characters, names and references, etc are the sole property of George Lucas, Lucasfilm Ltd, Lucasarts Inc, 20th Century Fox, Timothy Zahn, Barbara Hambly, YKW and the other writers of the expanded Star Wars Universe. This fan fiction was created solely for entertainment and no money was made from it. Also, no copyright or trademark infringement was intended. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Any other characters, the storyline and the actual story are the property of the author.
The ocean of Durran was rather large, and they had plenty of time to put Vaiya in a healing trance before they finally docked. Mara didn't know the area too well and had to rely on a semi-conscious Larin to tell her the fastest route to the First Temple. When they reached dry land, Mara discovered with surprise that Cal's little speeder was more agile than she had believed. It quickly switched from its water legs to a more sturdy hovering, sutible for solid ground. It took them the better part of an hour, but they managed to find a place to get Vaiya cleaned up. They weren't even given funny looks. But they shrugged it off as being due to the fact that humanoid offworlders would probably blend in pretty well in populated areas like this one.
At a secluded in, located in a heavily wooded area of the edge of the city, they laid low. Vaiya healed quickly, as lightsaber wounds usually cauterize themselves. It was the bleeding that was her real danger because her leg was ripped in a wide V, and it took a lot of effort to contain the blood.
Emotionally, however, she was a sulky, self-hating wreck.
She did not speak to anyone outside of the bare minimum to took to tell them whether the wound hurt or not, or how it felt. Her face was drawn, her eyes bloodshot, her entire features slumped in dejection. Larin wished he had the strength to comfort her, but he was desperately trying to build himself back up. After Mara and Luke had left them to their privacy, they lay on the bed together. Vaiya had stoutly refused to let them pull it back, so she lay on top of the soft comforter, her leg bound and lying on some heavy cotton that had been put there not just to padd the leg but to catch any more blood if it decided to flow again. Larin dragged himself into the room, and her expression changed from one of
self-reproach to concern for him. She shifted slightly, being careful not to move her leg, and pulled a pillow out from the bed to set it down beside her.
"You're exhausted," she said.
He nodded as he sat down on the bed. Fatigue screamed through every inch of him. He didn't even have the strength to speak, simply obey as she patted the pillow and reached out for him, to help him lie down, which he did. She caressed his brow, pushing back the thick hair. It seemed darker now, more of a brown than a blond, and his eyes, as they gaze up at her, were a hazy blue with his emotions. She wanted to smile at him reassuringly, but found that she couldn't.
"What is it?" he whispered, taking her hand in his.
She shook her head, and then reconsidered, her eyes softening. "Thank you for saving me before."
He just smiled, a small laugh escaping the back of his throat. "You don't have to thank me for that. Do you think I would let Cal touch you?" He paused, his face flinching with memories. "When I'm not on some personality-altering drug, that is."
"No, not from Cal. From myself."
He looked up at her, his eyes so blue now they made her thing of the sea they had just passed.
"I almost gave in to the dark side," she whispered. "In fact, I did give into it. Full throttle, I gave in, knowing it was wrong and not even caring. I would have killed Cal, or he would have killed me. Or both." She shut her eyes, her face contorting with her guilt, and she shook her head, her throat closing. "God...I can't believe I would do that!" Her eyes opened, and the despair in them was tanglible.
Larin rolled himself over and pulled himself closer to her, so that is face was inches from her. "So you're human," he whispered. "It happens to everyone. We're flawed, Vaiya. Terribly flawed--we're stepped in our own weakness and it is only by grace that we can keep from falling into darkness completely."
"But that's just the point!" she cried. "I had that grace...Larin, you don't know the things I was able to do when we faced that cult before, in Cal's spacestation."
He regarded her calmly. "Such as."
So she told him. She told him about the angel that had appeared to her in the First Temple. She told him about how it had set her free when she was being held captive, hesitantly related how she had fallen when Larin had appeared, much changed. She told him how the angels had appeared at her sides when she had gone up against the cult brothers. She told him how she had helped the leader, Seth, break way from their power, and while Larin scowled slightly at the mention of the sith lord's name, he still listened.
When she was done, she was exhausted, and lay her head down on the nearby pillow. "All of that, only to fall now. I feel like such a....failure."
Larin was silent for a long time. He lay back on the pillow, staring up at the ceiling. Just as Vaiya felt a real batch of tears start to well up in her eyes, he spoke.
"You're not a failure, Vaiya, if you try again."
"Try what? What could I possibly do that I haven't already done?"
He glanced at her, his look mildly reproaching. "You know it isn't done. Are you going to give up now? You saved me, you saved your parents, you saved that Seth...all that is left is what you've been searching for, and your mother has been searching for for the last twenty years."
"And that is?"
"Your brother, Vaiya. Cal still has him. And if we don't get moving soon, only Yejion knows what will happen to him."
Vaiya jumped. "Oh great stars. I almost forgot!" Her eyes grew wide as panic threatened to take control. "What do you think he'll do?"
Larin shrugged. "I remember bits and pieces of my captivity," he said softly. "I remember treating you...terribly. You fell before because of me."
She frowned. "Don't change the subject. Anything but that."
"I could go into a nice bought of self-pity and claim that I am your weakness," he said, a bit sardonically, "but I can't do that. You see, I know that you have to come with me if we want to get Valery back. I wasn't your weakness, Vaiya. It was your emotions that got in your way, just like they did with Cal. Don't you see? It's classic dark side rage. No different than any other Jedi Knight. You have to remember all the things you've learned to fight it, and call on the new weapons as well. Everything depends on it."
Vaiya flinched and turned away. She had expected more coddling from Larin, even demanded it. After the way he'd behaved, even if he wasn't physically responsible, he was still personally responsible, as it was his face and person everyone saw. But even though he was sorry for what he had done, he was not willing to sit around and wallow. From that, she found a grudging admiration. It was very little against her wounded pride, until he reached out for her in a loving embrace.
"Don't be mad at me, Vaiya," he whispered. "I love you more than myself. I wish I could run myself through with my own lightsaber for what I did to you, but I can't. We're called to something higher. We have a mission to accomplish."
"And when this is over," she said, her voice sounding distant. "You're going to leave me."
He paused. It stunned him, the things she knew...the things that just came to her, as if placed there by a higher power. "What makes you think that?"
She rolled over and looked at him, her face softening. "Larin...after all you've been through, you need time. Time alone to sort it out. You don't need me getting in the way." She shook her head and laughed a little. "It seems that your emotions for me are your weakness, too. I guess that means we have something in common."
"Or that we're very much in love." He cradled her cheek in his palm, wanting to kiss her.
Gently, she pushed him away. "There is a time for everything. I have a feeling that it won't be so terribly long, but it will be a separation."
It was his turn to frown in confusion, and his thoughts whirled with the unfairness of the situation.
"The best things in life," she said, suddenly sounding wise, "are always worth waiting for. I love you, Larin," and his face lit up with the words that she was saying for what felt like the first time, "and I want to be your wife."
His face seemed to shine with an otherworldly light as he smiled at her, gently, lovingly. "When we are together again," he promised, "I will make you my wife."
He reached forward and kissed her. It was a long kiss, their lips pressed tightly, their breath mingling. When they pulled away, it felt like they didn't even need to speak.
Still: "We need to heal fast," she murmured.
"We can take one day," he said, settling down on the pillow. "But that's it."
"Will that be enough?" she asked softly.
He nodded. "It will be. I know it."
She nodded back. She knew he was being guided as surely as she was. As she slipped away, her hand reached for his, and his strong fingers closed around it.
You cannot judge the soul of a man. Only I can judge, for I am the only Judge, and the Ruler of all hearts. So says Yejion....
Night fell. When Vaiya awoke, just as the first rosy tendrils of dawn started their long reach up into the sky, she was alone. For a moment, she was afraid that he had left her for good, but a gentle touch against her thoughts told her that he wasn't too far away--he just needed time.
Something had stirred her. A memory, perhaps...the things she had been told by the angel, maybe. Something about judging people. She shut her eyes and let her suddenly jumbled thoughts fall into peaceful order, and then she could recall it more clearly.
This confrontation would cost her more than she had originally thought. The words that had been spoken to her just days ago, while she was praying in the temple, catapulted her into a myriad of visions. None of them were clear--She saw Larin, his face covered with blood, but he was beaming with victory. She saw Seth, stripped to his waist, his facial tattoo covering the uppermost part of his chest and his shoulders, but his bared arms and stomach of the same fleshtones as herself. Water poured down on top of him, and he disappeared as she saw her brother, Valery, and an uncanny ability to heal. She saw him as a boy, and then saw him as a man, ready to fight for what he believed in, ready to die for the Order of Yejion.
She shook the visions aside. They were distractions, ways that the dark side was slipping into her subconscious, trying to make her ignore the message she knew was coming.
Do not take your lightsaber.
She opened her eyes and looked down to see she was gripping it in her right hand, even though she had not worn it to bed. She picked it up and studied it as if she had never seen it before. It was the only weapon she could have as a Jedi, to be used only in defense and never in attack.
She had to leave it.
Whatever happened between her and Cal, she had to trust that she would be able to handle it. Or maybe...maybe she wasn't meant to survive this. Perhaps that was why she was seeing this flittering glimpse into the future. Everyone would live happily ever after, but she had to die first.
Vaiya shut her eyes, the realization washing over her fast. She pulled her knees to her chest and rocked back and forth, her lightsaber still clenched in her fist. This wasn't fair...Larin being addicted to those terrible drugs and barely able to fight, her not even able to bring her lightsaber....she had been told to make it as she had! What good was it here? Then she remembered facing down the brotherhood of sith lords and realized that the saber's second blade had served its purpose. Perhaps she would never use it again. Perhaps she would never use the saber again, period.
Perhaps she was going to die.
Long minutes passed as Vaiya struggled. The minutes turned into an hour, and she struggled with herself. If she brought the saber, she could destroy Cal quickly. But she would give in to the dark side to destroy him, and wind up destroying herself. Or she could leave the saber, and Cal would be quick to cut her down. Even if he attacked in an attempt to flush out her blade, she would not be able to stop him. She would be helpless. Helpless before his evil, and the evil of the cult that was now backing him.
She prayed, but it was hard. She dug deep inside herself and saw how much she had accomplished at her young age. She thought of Valery, of how she barely knew him, and he was her one and only brother. She thought of Larin, and how much she
loved him and wanted to be his wife. She thought of Seth, and how she had chosen her feelings for Larin over him, even though he had made her feel things that Larin was keeping from her--for the time being. Why? Did he know she was going to die? And Seth...such a passionate man. She had kissed him with such benevolence. Surely he believed that there was nothing between them but a lot of lust and a little bit of destiny. But she banished thoughts of him and turned to her parents.
They had fought at her side for so long...they had to be told where she and Larin were going to go. If only she knew what to tell them.
Mara looked out over the low, thin forest. It wasn't exactly a forest, but more like a swamp without all the water. The heavy bushes were deep green, their leaves spread wide and long over each other. Around them danced several dozen sparkler bugs, their quick flames flickering on and off, as if the woods were glittering like gold.
It would have been beautiful. But Mara didn't feel like looking much. She was worrying again...Luke could sense it. Gently, he pulled her into his arms from behind, his hands sliding under hers where they knotted together on the rail.
"Worried."
"Yes. But it isn't that."
Luke gently probed. "You're thinking about my son?" he whispered.
Mara nodded. "Can't you feel him? I've felt him since we came back here. I was hoping to be able to do some research into my family history, but I haven't had a chance to go near any of the public records." She grimaced. "So close, Luke. I feel like it's all a part of me, and it's just out of reach."
"Your past...or Valery?"
"Valery. What an odd name...it sounds like a childish variation of Valeris. Perhaps when he gets older, he should be called Valeris."
"Well, he is only a boy. Ten years old by now, according to Vaiya."
Mara turned, her expression troubled. "Do you think he would like me?" she whispered.
"What?"
She shrugged. "I'm not his mother. Callista was his mother. I feel bad because I left her lightsaber at home." She was starting to ramble now, but her fear was real. "I'm afraid that he'll hate me because of...well, you know."
Luke nodded. "I think you should wait until we find him first."
"I will find him," came a familiar voice. The two parents turned to see their daughter coming toward them. She had changed out of that purple velvet costume and into a sleek black suit that was remarkably like Luke's version of the Jedi uniform, only new and neatly pressed. The front flap hung open, but she wore a thick cloak over her shoulders with a hood, all made of that purple velvet.
"Do you know where he is?" Mara asked, stepping closer to her daughter.
"No, but I will." Vaiya's face was grave. "I will bring him home to you, Father," she said. "I promise."
Luke found his way to Mara's side and looked at his daughter carefully. "Maybe you need a few more hours in the trance," he suggested. "You look almost delirious."
Vaiya smiled and nodded her head. " I am delirious, but my delirium is more real than anything right now. I came here to tell you that....Larin and I....we're going to go confront Cal. I don't know what we're going to do, but we have to gain some sort of closure for him or else he'll be haunting us for the rest of our lives." The look on her face was almost angelic in nature.
It frightened them.
Suddenly, she unlatched her lightsaber and stepped toward them. "You need to keep this for me," she said, her voice nearly husky as she strained to make it sincere. As Luke reached out for the double-ended device, he felt Vaiya resist and nearly pulled back, but a quick prod with the Force shut out the indecision from his mind. Calmly, she put down her hand and continued her serene stare at her parents.
"You're going...without your lightsaber?" Mara asked, as if it were a joke. "Are you kidding?" she demanded. "He'll cut you to shreds! He'll---"
"Mother," Vaiya whispered, and she fell silent, her eyes darting only to Luke to see the look on his face.
It was a devistated look. Perhaps many years ago he had worn that look as his father died in his arms---a good death, a death in the light, but another wound of loss that he had to sustain. He had lost his father, his mother...he had never known his son. Now his faith demanded that he also sacrifice his daughter. Anger rushed through him, anger at Cal and the desire to cut him down himself.
Mara's voice stopped him. "No," she said, very evenly. "You're not going. It isn't you he wants, it's me. I started all of this, and I will finish it."
Vaiya smiled, ever so gently, in compassion. "No, Mother. I am taking your place. I have been told to do so. Yavin will move before I will sway from this course."
Mara's face darkened, and her anger, like Luke's, swelled. Luke reached out to her with his mind, showing her how to release the rage.
Vaiya continued to speak as her parents struggled for a grip. "I was once friends with Cal, even if he was lying to us and deceiving us. But why did he not strike against me when we were students together? This doesn't make sense. I was told to not judge any man's heart. I cannot judge Cal's heart, either. I feel that there is some good in him...."
Luke jumped slightly. "Vaiya, take heed," he whispered. "I know about trying to bring back people from the dark side. It's hard to do without losing your life in the...process."
He froze as the look on Vaiya's face changed. She was holding back tears, and her throat had started to close.
"That is why I wanted to say goodbye," she managed. "I wanted to tell you, because you two have done and sacrificed so much for me. And I think you have a right to know....I may not return." She struggled for more words, but could only manage, "I may not...."
At first, they just gawked at her. Then it ran through their minds all the possibilities of what she was implying. Would she give in to the dark side? Would she defeat Cal and then run away because she was unable to kill him, or had killed him and was suffering from the guilt? Surely she would not believe herself to be capable of such cowardice. Finally, that left only one option.
Vaiya might be killed.
Mara was the first one to react. She stepped forward and pulled Vaiya into a powerful embrace. In a few seconds, Luke followed, his arm around his wife, the other around his child as she struggled to keep herself composed in the heat of emotion.
It was hard to hold her there, knowing the seconds would pass. She had grown up so fast. It wasn't fair to lose her so soon! She was so young, she wasn't even at her full growth yet! Her powers were barely being tapped into, and she had so much to live for. Now she was telling them farewell as she slipped out of their embrace, her eyes flowing with tears and her cheeks wet, but composed perfectly in her mind and heart. She prayed for them, and then stepped away.
They clung to her hands, and she had to extract them. Although it was a difficult moment, Mara and Luke remained composed, and started at their daughter with pure wonder.
Vaiya nodded and smiled, her left hand still in Mara's grip but slowly coming back to her. She stepped back, and her hand came free. As the grip of her flesh let go, she let herself go. As she gazed at them next, they seemed almost like the angels that had visited her over the last months. Except the angels had been confident and unafraid of anything.
Luke and Mara stared at her as if they were trying to memorize her every last feature. The fear that rose from them was thick, and while she was tempted to remind them that fear was from the dark side, she could not begrudge them this small bit. They were afraid that their child was going to die. It was a hard thing to dismiss.
Perhaps some fear was good. She took a deep breath and locked hers away, carefully focusing it only on her fear of failure, of weakness, of doubt. Would she be strong enough? Would she be able to face the end? Without even her lightsaber to defend her, she felt like a lamb being led to a sacrifice.
She took one last look at her parents. "I love you," she whispered, and it carried like a song in the night covered forrest. Then, with a last, brave glance, she lowered her head and turned away.
Luke and Mara watched her go, the despair tangible in the darkness around them. She seemed to float out of their view, her thick cloak draped over her shoulders, then the hood pulled over her head. When she disappeared altogether, it seemed that she had merely become a part of the shadows.
They looked at each other, shaken. Then, in the same motion, they turned to each other and held each other fast. Their minds touched, seeking comfort, but all they could come up with was an unerring faith that Vaiya was right.