DISCLAIMER: Star Wars and all publicly recognisable characters, names and references, etc are the sole property of George Lucas, Lucasfilm Ltd, Lucasarts Inc, 20th Century Fox, Timothy Zahn, Barbara Hambly, YKW and the other writers of the expanded Star Wars Universe. This fan fiction was created solely for entertainment and no money was made from it. Also, no copyright or trademark infringement was intended. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Any other characters, the storyline and the actual story are the property of the author.
Luke rolled over in the bed, his hand automatically swinging out to envelope Mara's form, but only cool sheets touched his skin. He opened his eyes, even thought this was far from the first time that this had happened. It still bothered him, nonetheless. Bothered him because he knew it was bothering her, this gnawing sensation that grew in her as surely as their child did. So many years of lost memories were finally coming back to her, and after nearly three years of being his wife and discovering herself, the only thing that Mara had left to discover was how who she was and who she had become fit together.
He sat up and slid onto the floor. It was way past dawn, and the Palace was already bustling with activity. Mara's desire to remain mobile in their Jedi instruction had been stifled over the last few months. Since her belly had started to swell and everything that touched her felt uncomfortable, staying in one place had suddenly not seemed so bad. Oh, sure, after the baby was born she would probably change her mind and they would be off again, in that beautiful cruiser they had pooled their resources to buy, the Jaded Sky (a corny name that had originally been a joke but had somehow stuck), going from Courscant to Yavin IV, maybe even Endor (Mara had developed a strange liking of the trees since she'd become a Jedi Knight, which didn't surprise Luke at all but it bugged the hell out of her since she couldn't stand the Ewoks that lived in them) and then New Alderaan. There had been a few other planets they had taken a liking to, but home was between the stars.
She'd left her lightsaber, Luke noted as he stepped out of the bathroom and started to pull on his clothing. He picked it up, feeling an odd tremor in the force. She had put the one he'd given her in a special place in their ship, like a shrine to the past. It was a symbol of so many things for both of them individually and together. She simply didn't feel right about using it, risking its loss or damage. So now it hung simply on the wall in the bedroom of the Jaded Sky, taken out every once in a while for a specific purpose. Her new lightsaber--a brilliant shade of blue-green that reminded him of how her eyes as looked when she told him she would marry him--had a grip on it very similiar to his own. He grinned. Well, she had said she liked it. And as was typical Mara, she had even improved it.
She was meditating more deeply than usual. Maybe something had gotten her attention. He would have to ask her later, if he didn't wind up catching the backlash of it now. The connection between the two of them had been a little frightening to him for a while. While in the struggle for survival, it had been a comfort. But in real life, it was discomfiting. It made him realize how foolish he had been, beyond what he had even dreamed. Only that moment in that chamber, his back to hers, fighting for their lives, had shook him harder. So hard, he had wanted to resist it, send it back, refuse it. It was too much to ask, too much to undo. Ten years of barriers and touch-and-go games, ten years of searching and finding and losing again. Ten years, in which he had loved another and lost her, only to realize that none of it had ever mattered.
It was a frightening thought sometimes. He thought he had loved Callista completely and would just have to wait for her. And how he had chased her! How he had insisted to her again and again that the Force didn't matter, that they would be happy as they were...all meaningless. He had never chased Mara like that. He hadn't had to. Mara did her part by running from him. He was afraid she would still run from him, even during that moment when their souls had touched. She was so good at denying things, hiding things. She had spent years fooling herself, and her will was one that refused to be broken. If she believed something to be true, may the Force preserve the one who proved otherwise. But no, she hadn't run. She had given into it, like someone who found something that had been lost for so long but never noticed.
It was in that moment that he realized how much he truly loved her. How he had always loved her but was unable to act on it, even admit it. He had always known it, as surely as he had known that Darth Vader was his father. Perhaps, even, in the same way. So many things stood between them, and yet when the truth came to her, she did not run. For him, she had stayed. She wanted him as much as he wanted her, had always wanted him and could never see it.
How little he understood about the Universe, Luke chuckled. For all their blindness, things had turned out remarkably well. It if was possible, he loved Mara more now than he ever had. He loved her more for being the human woman he'd gotten to know over the last three years than the beautiful, vibrant, powerful and remarkably resilient smuggler he had thought her to be over the years since he'd first met her. She was still all those things, but so much more than that.
Of course, to everyone else, it was a complete and total shock. Only Han, scoundel that he was, had any clue. But then again, Han knew people. He didn't have to be force-sensitive. He was lucky in that respect. He got to see how people truly were, what they were hiding, how their thoughts betrayed them not through disturbances in the Force but in their simple body language or the tone of their voice. Han could hear things Luke didn't think the human ear could pick up. But he was always right. After he and Mara had broken the news to Han and Leia, it was Han who clapped him on the shoulder and said with a wink, "I was wondering when you two would wake up."
Leia was too caught up with the peace treaty between the New Republic and the Empire to devote much of her emotions to it, but Luke knew his sister was happy for him. It wouldn't be easy for her, no. Mara wasn't much more than a friend--Leia valued her more as a war-time ally than a confidant. But Luke had always seen how much the two women were alike. Over the last five years, the two of them had managed to deepen their friendship considerably. Although Luke doubted her would ever find them exchanging gossip---unless Mara had something jucier than the location of the cloning facilities on Wayland. In spite of personal feelings, positive or negative, Leia would be eternally grateful to Mara for rescuing her, Han, and their children from Thrawn, and Mara would be grateful for Leia's aid in their defeat of Cy'Both. They had their own unique bond. It worked for them.
Luke strolled out onto the balcony, looking out over the city. He wished he could see the greenery on the other side, the park where Mara went to meditate. From what he understood, she had always spent a great deal of time there, for as long as she could remember................
The tremor he felt earlier jumped up at him, and he caught a flash of something. They were Mara's thoughts, sudden and terrified. It was some sort of vision, or a memory, or both. It was of her mother and her father, both screaming. There was a brief flash of lightsabers and the phantom smell of ozone and blood. Luke's heart lept into his chest and he had to stop himself from turning back and running into the apartment. Mara had not called for him. She wasn't in danger, but something had leapt out at her so quickly that she had been unable to stop herself from sharing it with him. He briefly felt a flash of disgust from her before she went into her calming techniques, and then nothing but the low- level harmony of their Force-bond, all peaceful again.
He shook his head. She was going to have to explain that one when she came back. Somehow, he felt she would want to.
She didn't come back until lunch. Luke was a little annoyed when she didn't show up for breakfast, but knew she wasn't about to abandon her meditation if she was on the verge of putting two of the ever-elusive pieces together. He decided to go to the Jaded Sky and do a little maintenance---"Cleaning," Mara usually said in her sardonic way. "Just say what it is, Skywalker. You're doing housecleaning, like a good Jedi husband." He was grinning at the thought as he was cleaning the hilt of his lightsaber when Mara came up behind him and put her arms around his shoulders.
"I'm sorry about before," she said, her voice husky.
He put the saber down and reached a hand back to thread his fingers through her hair and bring her face forward so he could kiss her cheek. She straightened and he turned, pulling her into his lap. She seemed to need it. "It's okay. Get anywhere?"
"I think so. That little memory I had was a big help." Her eyes were distant and smokey as she spoke, the green dimming under the sorrow of the vision. "Apparently, my coming into the Emperor's service was more cold-bloodedly planned than even I suspected. Palpatine sent his dark jedi to our home to kill my parents. I was traumatized by the whole thing so badly that I must have blocked it out. Or Palpatine made me block it out."
Luke frowned. She said it so casually, like she was giving a weather forecast. "Why would he do that?" he said.
"That's what I've been trying to figure out." She looked down at him, thoughtful. "You know, I thought I would feel more when I remembered that. I mean, I think I always knew, on some level, that my parents were dead, and that Palpatine was responsible. Now that I know...I don't know. It's like, I'm more relieved than anything. Now I can mourn them and put the ghosts to rest." She gave a little shrug. "Scary thing is, something tells me that part isn't even important. It's the WHY that's really monumental. Like it's the answer to life. I don't know," she repeated, sighing. "I just feel so tired."
Luke nodded, and then put her hand to his lips to kiss it. "Whatever happens, Mara, I'm here."
She smiled at him. He felt his heart flutter a little, remembering how rare an occasion it had once been that she would smile at him. Now, he felt like he owned that smile, like it was just for him and always would be. As if picking up his thought, she said, "I didn't smile much before I met you, you know. I was this somber faced thing, always frowing or scowling, even sulking and moping if the mood hit." She gave a little laugh. "I have a few holos of those days, here and there. I was so gloomy all the time I think my face was actually grey. I still didn't smile too much before you and I became...us. But it was more than before. At least now I know why." She touched his face. "I love you, Luke."
Once upon a time, those words had rung in her ears like a death sentence. Now, they gave her comfort to say. "I love you, Mara." And he gently pulled her lips down onto his.