DISCLAIMER: Star Wars and all publicly recognisable characters, names and references, etc are the sole property of George Lucas, Lucasfilm Ltd, Lucasarts Inc and 20th Century Fox. This fan fiction was created solely for entertainment and no money was made from it. Also, no copyright or trademark infringement was intended. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Any other characters, the storyline and the actual story are the property of the author.
The dimness of the cabin was pierced as the door opened to admit three figures from the hallway. The younger, thinner of the two men paced in first. His braid flailed against his back, angrily slapping the fabric of his tunic. What little of the auburn dusted brown of his hair could be seen in the low light shone brightly. His long strides carried him to the far side of the room quickly.
The elder Jedi followed, leading the younger woman with a hand at her back. The Jedi Master’s stride was contained, keeping Larina’s stride even with his. His hair swept along his nape, swinging with his strides. As he stepped in front of the door, the light was momentarily cut off to the inner room. The width of the man’s shoulders filled the slender frame of the door. The woman passed in front of him and edged to the chair in the corner of the room. Her hair was wild like a living flame in the light.
“Master…”
Obi-Wan was agitated. He had nothing against Larina. She was a nice person and a good friend. The situation had him confused and up in arms. Even though he had passed his eighteenth birthday, and that he knew that he needed to remain calm, there were just some situations that required his common emotive center. This was one of those times.
“Master, how are we going to accomplish this?” Obi-Wan swung around, his braid flying wide.
Qui-Gon removed his outer cloak, pausing only momentarily to pass a reprimand along his link to his student. Laying the garment across the table, he turned to the boy. “To begin with, my Padawan, you will remain modest. I don’t mind your exhibitionist tendencies, but she is a guest here and is modest herself.”
Larina opened her mouth, but thought better of interrupting the Master as he spoke. She rested back against the chair, only to fidget in unease. Qui-Gon continued to talk, as he moved to lay hands on the woman’s shoulders. “As for the living arrangements themselves, Obi-Wan, it is only a short period of time until we reach Coruscant. We shall continue as we have in the past.” The elder man’s voice deepened, becoming gentler. “Larina will be with me, and you will be as you always have been.”
The woman’s mouth fell open and her black eyes widened incredibly. “With you, Master Qui-Gon?” her voice, normally soft and fluid, cracked with strain.
“Yes.” The hands on her shoulders tightened momentarily and then loosened. “If you are away from me for any period of time, your center will falter and you will be in pain and lost. I thought you had already experienced that, Larina.”
The Jedi healer sighed with exasperation. She had felt the pain already, and it served to remind her of her mistake. With a slight shrug, she pulled her shoulders from the man’s grasp and stood. Qui-Gon shook his head somewhat forcefully. The woman kept moving, crossing to the other side of the room. She kept her back turned towards the Jedi Knights and her thoughts blocked as completely as she was able.
Qui-Gon sensed the want to be separate from him. He had sensed the exasperation of self and the frustration coming off of the woman since the conversation in the common room. It had only escalated since they had entered his and Obi-Wan’s quarters. “Larina, this situation can not be rectified at this moment. We all have to adjust. Coruscant is a short three days away. It will be fixed upon our arrival.”
Larina swung around with a mortified look on her face. She met Obi-Wan’s eyes first. The young man’s face was open as always, but tight around the eyes. Tendrils of confusion reached out from his psyche. She could see them almost as clearly as if they were his own clothing. With a sigh, she looked to Qui-Gon. The Jedi Master stood tall and as imposing as ever. His arms were crossed over his broad chest; his legs braced slightly apart supporting his slightly cocked hips. His face revealed nothing. That too, she thought, was normal. The Master carried his calm like a cloak that he never took off. But the underlying emotions, deeply rooted, reached out into the room much like his apprentice’s. The air between her and Qui-Gon nearly cracked with resignation. Larina could see the want that he had to lessen her own pain, and that he was resigned to do what he could. There were other emotions- lesser, lower on the emotive chain- that swirled, but none that took over the air as the first one did.
“I realize the truth of what you say, Master Qui-Gon. But I cannot help but be disappointed in myself and in my actions to have led to this.” She answered, quietly.
Qui-Gon released his arms slowly and crossed to her. She averted her eyes as he neared, choosing to stare at the chrono on the wall instead of the man’s blue eyes. “It is a situation that can be fixed, Larina. To punish yourself for a mistake, instead of learning from it so as to not repeat it, is useless. Listen to what the Force is teaching you.” His voice was low as he stood close to her.
Larina sighed, shifting her weight. It upset her to notice that the pain was returning. “It is that, Master, but it is also the fact that I have had to reveal things that I wished not to in the company of a Council member and a Jedi Master and Padawan that I not only respect, but considered friends. And that I have disappointed my Master and shamed you.”
“Friends we will remain.” Obi-Wan’s rich voice flowed across the room to her ears.
Qui-Gon turned his head to smile at his apprentice. “Well said, Obi-Wan. Friends we will remain. But, young healer…” he moved to place a hand on her arm, “ you are wrong. Ha’run is saddened that you need to go through this, as I am. She is not disappointed. She knows that you will learn from the mistake. And as for shaming me, it is quite the opposite. The fact that these emotions exist in you is flattering to me. I might not return them, but I am respectful that you have them in the first place. They are blameless and good emotions to have.”
Larina met his eyes with hers. The light shone from behind the man, lighting his hair and casting his face in shadow. She could still make out the smooth tan skin interrupted by the close-cropped beard and mustache. His hair was just beginning to be touched by gray, adding a metallic glint to his brown mane. Its ends rested on his shoulders. His height and breadth made her feel as though she was surrounded and caused an easing of her distress of pain. “They were still hard to admit, Master Jedi, even good emotions as they were.”
Qui-Gon sighed, his eyes alighting on the blush that spread through the woman’s face. “I am sure that they were. Regardless, it is done, and we must adjust.” He kept his tone strong, but the words were said gently. “I, for one, am exhausted. We must meditate and sleep.”
Obi-Wan nodded his agreement and moved to get the mats for their kneeling. Returning from the corner, he placed the two woven fabric pieces across from each other. He began to bend his knees to descend to the floor, but stopped. “Larina?” By looking at his older friend, he could tell that the woman was disoriented.
Qui-Gon approached his mat, leading Larina by her hand. After he sank to his knees calmly, he assisted the healer apprentice to a kneeling position next to him. Their legs and arms touched- the dark of his Master’s leggings and the ecru of her healer tunic contrasting each other. Larina’s hands fell folded to her lap, but they shook with restrained agony. She squeezed her eyes tightly, concentrating on her breathing. She descended into a trance easily. As she swept through her mind searching for her center, she found that it was stretched taut between her and the Jedi Master shallowly breathing next to her. She panicked for a moment until a large hand reached over and encased her own.
The center, like a block balanced on a taut wire, slid back toward her. Soon it was close enough to be used in meditation. Her muscles relaxed almost immediately. Peace flooded her being and she descended even further into a trance. As a thought to center on, she thought of her healer training. It was the fourth year of her apprenticeship. Images flooded her mind of the day that Ha’run had taken her as her student, standing before the council and arguing for Larina’s trainability in the healing arts.
Larina pictured herself, then a tiny and scrawny eighteen, standing to one side. Her padawan braid had recently been shorn from her head, leaving rough edges about her right ear. The cloak that she wore was still a medium brown of a student of the Knight order. Her former Master, Tanuck, stood next to her, a collection of brilliant red grasped in his hand—the remainder of her braid. She was to be removed from the apprenticeship and was to be sent to the Agricorps. She had failed.
“Larina?”
The memory continued as Tanuck removed the cloak from her shoulders, peeling it down her arms. As its warmth left her, she had shivered. The large hand was extended in front of her. With leaden arms, she unclasped her sabre. As that too left her hand, she felt lost and completely alone….
“Larina?”
Qui-Gon smiled as the black eyes of the woman turned and centered on him. “The exercise is complete, little one.”
A slight ruffling of sheets alerted her to turn her head to the side. The lights were darkened there but she could still make out the form of the young Jedi Padawan curled in the sheets of the smaller cot. His brown braid lay on the sheets, curling at the end.
“How long have I been in a trance, Master Qui-Gon?” Larina stood, stretching her legs. She teetered a little as the muscles protested the movement.
“Almost a hour and a half, Larina…impressive.” Qui-Gon loosened his belt and his waist wrap. As he laid them on the table in the room, he collected his sabre and moved it to the shelf by the bed. He turned to watch Larina straighten her muscles. “Come to bed, Larina…today was a long ordeal. I need to sleep.”
Larina stood stock-still. It was not possible that she had heard him correctly. But even as she went to question him, she cursed. She could feel the runners of pain extending from her center and radiating outwards. The meditation had dulled the feelings, but they were still there.
Qui-Gon sat on the bed and removed his boots with quick hands. “Yes, I know. It is a strange situation. You will not be able to be apart from me physically until this bond is dissipated. To do so would inflict pain that will increase exponentially. I am sorry for it, Larina.”
“How…” Larina approached the bed, taking off her own utility belt, “ how do you know this?”
“I have heard the rumors about the bonds. If they are remotely true, then this will be true.” Qui-Gon removed his second boot and sighed.
“But to…”she gestured to the bed.
Qui-Gon took her belt from her hands and laid the garment on the side table. “Larina, look at me.” He waited until her eyes were on his. “We have known of each other for quite some time now. My Padawan and you are good acquaintances and you are the apprentice of one of my closer friends. I would not let anything harm you. That includes pain from within. To allow you to sleep apart from me would allow that pain. Do you understand?”
Larina nodded, frowning slightly. “But the…”
Qui-Gon motioned to the girl’s boots and she bent to remove them. He continued as she stood in front of him, her flame hair on the ground. “Propriety is what you make it, Larina. I had a female padawan as my first student. We were in several situations that required close contact during her tenure as a Padawan. Nothing occurred. I am sure that I can act in a similar way with you.”
Larina grimaced as she aligned her boots next to the bed. “But I might…”
Qui-Gon waved to her for silence and moved aside to allow her the side of the bed next to the wall. As she clambered into the interior, the Jedi Master moved to adjust the pillows. “I think that it is a little early in the bond for the demand of completion to occur, my dear. But if such an occurrence should happen before we reach Coruscant, we will deal with it. There is no shame in asking for what is needed. I will not consummate the bond, Larina, but if more physical contact is needed, then we will adjust.”
The woman nodded. She was free of the ache so long as Qui-Gon was close and her center remained near. “I will not ask for it, Master Qui-Gon.”
“You will do as you need to.” Came the terse reply from the man. His back was turned to her as he stretched out on top of the coverlet.
With a thin-lipped grimace, Larina lay back on the pillows and turned her back to the Jedi Master. She would not ask for more from the man. He was already well put out by her mistake. That was simply all there was to it. She could physically see the feelings from the man, and knew that his resignation and growing frustration were the two emotions that ruled his psyche currently. She would not increase them no matter the situation.
Qui-Gon sighed himself, as he felt the bed next to him dip under the woman’s slight weight. The healer was a strange one. She was very talented in the empathetic arts, but lacked in most other areas at which other healers excelled. He knew that she could feel his resentment at the situation no matter what he voiced. But it was of no consequence, he thought. Regardless of what he felt, it was only what he said and did that mattered.
Shifting his legs, he sighed again. His arm still hurt from his fall, but it was healed. At what cost, he thought. He had not lied when he had told her that he was flattered at her attentions. He was, after all, rapidly approaching his fiftieth birthday. For a young, attractive woman to be attracted to him was indeed a compliment. But one that he wished he could do without, for her sake as well as his. A bond just wouldn’t do. He had an oath to fulfill to himself: no relationships, no bonds. And he would see it fulfilled.