Archive: SWC; M&A; The Rising Force; anywhere else please ask
Category: Humor/Parody
Disclaimer: The cute one's are George's. In my wildest dreams he actually finds it in his heart to forgive me.
Notes: As you all know by now the original idea for this series came from Mac, Emu, and Wolfe. kaly kindly beta'd the first part for me. Thank you, my dear. But I didn't send her the end so you'll probably find some missing commas.
Thank you to all of those who have sent their encouragement and appreciation for this series, especially those who have been forced to listen to my angst over this one.
Don't be frightened off by the title. The boys don't get near a vagina, or even a model of one.
Pairing: Q/O
Rating: NC 17--You're all thinking 'bout time, I know.
Series: HST: Humanoid Sexual Techniques story 5
Summary: Obi Wan teaches sex ed.
Warnings: Spew warnings. There are a couple of funny moments in this one.

Qui Gon spoke as soon as he entered the common room. "Obi Wan, our presence is requested at a Senate Committee meeting tomorrow morning. You had best let Master J'lath know you won't be able to teach tomorrow's class.

Obi Wan nodded, then headed for the communications terminal.

A few moments later he returned to the common room. "I've spoken to Master J'lath. I even suggested a substitute. He should be by soon to pick up the syllabus."

"Good." Qui Gon nodded his approval. "Why don't you get your datapad? I'd like to review our notes and reports from our last two missions to the Reulvan Sector for tomorrow's meeting."

Datapad retrieved, Obi Wan settled onto the floor in his customary spot. They were nearly finished when the door chime rang.

Qui Gon looked up. "It must be your substitute."

Obi Wan headed for the door, syllabus in hand. Opening the door, he handed it to Ragen. "They can get a little inquisitive, but I'm sure it's nothing you can't handle."

Ragen glared at him. "Don't try to flatter me, Kenobi. I'm gonna get you for this one."

"Me? I had nothing to do with it."

"Nice try. J'lath already told me you recommended me."

"Oh." Obi Wan actually looked somewhat abashed. "Well, uh, maybe you can get your master to help."

"Like yours is."

Obi Wan suddenly recalled that Ragen's Master was a Wookie. "Okay, maybe not. It's not that bad Ragen, really."

"Uh, huh. Like I said, Kenobi, I'll get you for this." He turned and started down the hall.

"I'll get the syllabus from you tomorrow at lunch." Obi Wan called after him.

When he re-entered the common room, Qui Gon smiled at him. "I think we're pretty much done. You know, this review reminded me of how well you acquitted yourself on Ygara III. You will be an exceptional knight, Obi Wan."

Obi Wan returned the smile. "Like my teacher."

"What are you going to do with the rest of the evening now that you don't have a class to prepare for?"

"I hadn't given it much thought."

"If I may make a suggestion?"

"Certainly, Master."

"You could always review."

"Review?"

Qui Gon rose, walked to him. "Review the subjects already covered, make sure that you fully understand them."

Very aware of his Master's proximity, Obi Wan looked up at him. "But I'm the instructor, not a student."

"All the more reason then."

"I gave Ragen the syllabus."

"That's all right. I'd be willing to help. I'm sure between the two of us we can remember all of the salient points." He paused. "If, that is, you want to?"

"I don't know, Master. I'm not sure it's really all that necess..." He stopped teasing, when he saw the look in Qui Gon's eyes. Obi Wan swallowed hard. "I want to." The words were barely audible.

Qui Gon took his face in his large hands, long fingers resting on the back of his neck. "I believe kissing was the first subject covered." He lowered his mouth to Obi Wan's, brushing his lips softly against those of his apprentice.

'Chaste kiss,' Obi Wan thought.

The pressure increased marginally. 'Question.'

Qui Gon's began to caress his lips with his own. 'Caress kiss,' Obi Wan continued.

Obi Wan was vaguely surprised when Qui Gon did not suck on one of his lips, instead opening his mouth gently and sliding the tip of his tongue just inside. 'Tentative kiss.' Obi Wan parted his lips further in response. Was rewarded when Qui Gon's tongue penetrated further, was quickly withdrawn. 'Quick kiss.'

Obi Wan leaned into his master, reaching out with his own tongue. Qui Gon's tongue stroked along his own, the two of them slowly exploring each other's mouths. 'This must be love tongue,' Obi Wan thought vaguely.

Obi Wan, will you please stop with the classification? It's distracting.

Yes, Master.

The kiss deepened, becoming more intense. Obi Wan groaned, his arms tightening around his master.

Your toes are curling aren't they?

Yes, Master.

Good.

The kisses continued, long, sweet, and more arousing than any Obi Wan had previously experienced. They increased in urgency until Obi Wan found himself kissing his master firmly, demanding a response. A part of his mind decided that this must be the infamous now tongue.

Qui Gon pulled away. Obi Wan reached for him, confused. "The bed chamber, Obi Wan," he said quietly.

Obi Wan's eyes widened slightly. "Oh." Qui Gon led him into the other room, stopping when they reached the bed. Obi Wan looked at him questioningly, knowing what should happen next, but completely unsure how to initiate it.

Qui Gon's fingers traced his cheek. "Are you certain, Padawan?"

"Yes." The firmness of his own response surprising him. He covered Qui Gon's hand with his own. Smiled softly up at him. "I'm just nervous."

Me, too. Qui Gon leaned down to kiss him. Obi Wan's mind swam at the words. Why would his master be nervous? He wasn't exactly lacking in experience. Then his master's lips were driving all conscious thought from his mind. The hand on his face slid slowly downward, fingers tracing along the side of his neck. Reaching his chest, the hand flattened against it, continued it's slow downward movement. Obi Wan could feel the heat from his Master's touch through his tunic.

Then that hand reached his belt, undid it with ease. The belt was dropped to the floor, followed closely by his sash.

Qui Gon drew back from the kiss. He brought both hands to the edges of Obi Wan's tunic, pushed it open, then off of his shoulders.

Obi Wan had fantasized sex with his Master hundreds of times, but he had never considered this, considered what it would feel like to have Qui Gon's eyes moving across his naked flesh. He felt exposed, cherished. His eyes met Qui Gon's, loved.

Strong hands were moving up his sides. He watched those hands move across him, exploring.

Obi Wan reached for his master's belt, managed to undo it. In moments he had opened Qui Gon's tunic. Looking once again at his Master's naked chest, he suddenly felt very possessive. It was his. That broad expanse of muscle and smooth skin was his, at least for tonight.

Qui Gon chuckled in his mind. Yes, Obi Wan, yours. Tonight. Every night, if that is what you wish.

Obi Wan didn't reply. He took a step forward, closing the distance between them. He pressed the side of his face against Qui Gon's skin. Turned his head kissed it lightly, nuzzled some more. He could sense Qui Gon's amusement and affection. Looking up he smiled. Then pushed the tunic completely off.

His hands moved over Qui Gon's shoulders, his upper arms, his back, imprinting the feel of them in his mind. Qui Gon remained still, letting him do as he wished. He placed a quick kiss in the center of his master's chest. He licked the spot, sucked. He began kissing and licking his way across Qui Gon. Pausing briefly to suck a small amount of skin into his mouth. One of Qui Gon's hands moved to rest on the back of his head, not doing anything, just resting.

He looked up, his master's eyes were closed. Obi Wan brought his lips to one of the areas he had so far avoided. Taking a brown nipple into his mouth, he sucked. Qui Gon inhaled sharply, the hand on the back of the head tightened reflexively. Feeling quite pleased with himself, he repeated the caress, several times. Would have kept repeating it, if the hand on the back of his head had not urged him to look upward. As soon as he did, his mouth was devoured.

This kiss, he decided, had most definitely not been included in the syllabus.

Qui Gon's hands were undoing the fastenings of his pants. He groaned at the thought of what was coming next. Pants pushed down to the top of his boots, Obi Wan sat on the edge of the bed, helped his master to remove his boots. Surprisingly quickly he was completely nude, sitting on his master's bed, with his master kneeling in front of him.

He noticed his master's hair tie, reached up to remove it. After a moment of struggling with it, Qui Gon assisted. Deftly removing it, he placed it on the small table beside the bed. Obi Wan ran his fingers through the freed hair, watched it cascade around Qui Gon's face.

Obi Wan used that hair to draw Qui Gon close enough for another kiss. Qui Gon's hands were on his knees, moving upward. Obi Wan leaned back onto the bed, pulling Qui Gon with him. A moan escaped him as Qui Gon came to rest atop him, his weight pressing Obi Wan into the mattress.

Obi Wan arched up into that weight, pressing his hips against the hard body above him. Qui Gon's mouth moved to his neck and he groaned. His hands became further entangled in Qui Gon's hair as his master's hands and mouth caressed him. The classifications he had so dutifully passed on to his students were woefully inadequate when it came to describing the actuality of Qui Gon's hands on him. Light, gentle, demanding, his master's touch changed from moment to moment. And the mouth which accompanied the hands unerringly found the most sensitive spots. His eyes closed as he gave himself over to those sensations.

Then those hands and mouth paused. He opened his eyes. Qui Gon was kneeling between his legs. Poised over his erection. Qui Gon's eyes locked on his. Your turn to watch.

Two thumbs and forefingers held his cock lightly at the base. Then a tongue licked briefly over the head. Obi Wan groaned. The tongue returned, swirling over the tip. Qui Gon's hair was brushing against his hips.

Soft, warm suction. Obi Wan's hips jerked involuntarily upward. Easy, love. Didn't you say fellatio should build slowly?

The only response was a groan. The suction disappeared as a tongue moved slowly up the underside of his cock. Mercifully, the suction returned.

"Qui Gon, please."

What, my Padawan?

"Don't want." His breathing became more ragged, as the soft suction was accompanied by slow stroking. "Slow."

The speed of the stroking increased, as did the strength of the suction. It didn't take long. Obi Wan climaxed, his master's name on his lips.

The suction eased, finally ceasing just as Obi Wan stopped trembling. Qui Gon moved up beside him, took his apprentice into his arms.

Obi Wan stretched upward, kissing Qui Gon briefly before settling with his head against his chest. As he listened to the pounding of the heart beneath him, Obi Wan realized that something had been left unfinished.

Moving, he straddled his master's waist. Leaning down he kissed his master's neck, just below the ear. "We're not done yet," he whispered.

"We can be."

Obi Wan shook his head. "No. It's my turn." He smiled. "Time to see if I've learned enough to make that oh so enticing image a reality."

Qui Gon chuckled. "Sometimes I think you could make that image a reality just by walking into the room."

Obi Wan's face lit up. "Really?"

A smile, "Yes, really. Did you think I was immune?"

"Oh, the legendary Kenobi beauty." The tone was self-deprecating, with a trace of disappointment.

"In part, but only in part. Also, the legendary Kenobi courage, and humor, and tenacity, and ..."

Obi Wan interrupted him with a kiss. But his master was having none of it.

I am serious, Obi Wan.

Obi Wan pulled back.

"We've both been having a great deal of fun the last few days. Teasing each other."

"I think in your case tormenting might be a better word."

Qui Gon laughed. "Okay, tormenting. But I'm serious about this. I wouldn't be naked with my Padawan if I didn't care for him. This is not casual for me, or based solely upon physical attraction, or the images you sent me this afternoon."

"So you only get naked with Padawans you care about?"

"Yes, Obi Wan, only with Padawans I care about."

"That's good, because I only get naked with you."

Qui Gon's face registered his surprise, which also flowed across their bond. "But what about..?"

"Dildos."

"What?"

"Dildos. You know those models of penises. The ones made from plastic and silicone."

"I know what they are." Qui Gon's mind was still adjusting to the concept. "You practiced fellatio on dildos."

Obi Wan nodded.

Qui Gon began to laugh. Managed to sputter out a single word, "Why?"

Obi Wan was smiling despite his embarrassment, just managing not to get caught up in his master's mirth. "For you. For revenge. I wanted to get even with you for the way in which you've been tormenting me. And I didn't want to disappoint you."

"You could never disappoint me. You've frustrated me, exasperated me, even angered me. But you have never disappointed me."

Obi Wan's smile turned mischievous. "And I don't intend to start now."

Obi Wan was again snuggled into his master's side, feeling both content and highly pleased with himself.

"I do have a question, Padawan."

"Yes, Master?"

"Do dildos really taste that good?"

"What?"

"You told the class that you had enjoyed the taste of your partners."

The only response Qui Gon received was a pillow hitting him squarely in the face.

Now, about this biting fetish you confessed to... The pillow hit him again. I hope it wasn't the dildos you bit, because I'm just not sure I would find a bite in that particular area very pleasant. Another strike with the pillow.

I just have to ask. Did you put them in harnesses first? Strap them to a dummy for additional realism?

"Qui Gon!"

"Did you really think you could confess such a thing and not endure a little teasing?" Qui Gon pulled Obi Wan on top of him. "Besides I owe you for the teasing I received this afternoon."

"You enjoyed it."

"I found it frustrating."

"You're not frustrated now."

"Focus your attention a little lower."

"I don't think that is a sign of frustration, Master."

"It will be if you don't do something about it."

"Is that an order?"

"Consider it a request."

"But I didn't hear a please."

Qui Gon flipped them over, pinning his padawan beneath him. "And you won't either." At least not tonight, he added silently.

Obi Wan laughed. "So there is a chance I could make you beg."

"Say, please. Not beg. Jedi Masters do not beg."

"Yes, Master." Obi Wan responded aloud. We'll see about that.

Your awfully confident for a novice.

"Blame it on my Master. He's taught me well."

"We've barely begun this lesson, Obi Wan. And I think you'll find practicing on a person much more rewarding than practicing on silicone, however life like."

"Are you sure? Because so far the only reward I seem to have received has been this salty tasting substance..."

Qui Gon chuckled, soft and low. "Then let me reward you, my Padawan."

The following day they entered the Dining Hall together. Obi Wan was keenly aware of the eyes upon them. He knew many of the padawans followed Qui Gon's every movement, so did many of the knights, and some of the masters. Food gotten, they parted. Obi Wan for his customary place with his friends, Qui Gon off to join the masters.

Settling into his usual spot, Obi Wan pasted an innocent look on his face and asked Ragen how class had gone.

"Fine." Obi Wan had never heard that particular word growled before.

Obi Wan nodded. "Glad to hear it. They can be a bit fractious sometimes."

Ragen glared at him. "I noticed." Then his look softened. "They all seem to believe that you and Qui Gon chose not to teach today's class because it wasn't something you could demonstrate." He actually grinned. "The students really like the demonstrations, Kenobi. They went on about them at some length."

Obi Wan seemed to sink lower in his chair with each word.

Bant took pity on her blushing friend. "What was today's class, Ragen?"

"Vaginal intercourse."

Bant glanced at Obi Wan. "You know Kenobi, it probably is just as well that you had that Senate hearing today."

"Hey, I can read the syllabus. After all, it's what I did for all the..." Realizing precisely what he was confessing and to whom, Obi Wan fell silent and sank further into his chair.

Across the room, Qui Gon fared only slightly better.

"Qui Gon." The greeting from the master to his right was decidedly cold as he settled onto the bench.

Before he could murmur an acknowledgment another Master spoke up. "Qui Gon we have to talk about this Humanoid Sexual Techniques class your padawan is teaching."

"Is there a problem?" he asked, knowing full well what the answer would be.

"With Obi Wan, no. It's these demonstrations."

Another Master, "Did you really have to kiss him?" The master looked in Obi Wan's direction. "I can understand your wanting to, but did you have to do it in front of a group of padawans?"

"The students had some questions. I felt the answers could more easily be communicated with a demonstration. It's not as though I kissed one of the students."

"You might as well have." The muttered words came from the corner of the table.

Another master nodded. "And then the touching class. Did you have to take your tunic off?"

"Our robes cover pretty much everything. How could Obi Wan demonstrate touch if the only parts of me he could touch were my hands and face?"

"Qui Gon," this from the previous speaker in the corner, "they're supposed to develop crushes on us. Now, half of the padawans in the temple want you." The master shook his head. "The other half want your apprentice. Even the non-humanoids."

The master next to the speaker nodded. "The non-humanoids are all moaning about the fact that they can't take the class."

"And lack the requisite equipment," added another.

"And the females. Couldn't you have demonstrated just once how to caress the female genitals? They still want you, but they're a little unhappy about the neglect."

Qui Gon nodded solemnly, "I see."

A few moments of silence followed Qui Gon's acknowledgment of the problem. Finally, someone spoke, "Just tell us it was worth it."

"Worth it?"

"He is worth it isn't he?"

One of the other masters laughed. "From what I heard of the Oral Stimulation Level Two demonstration I am sure he is."

"I refuse to discuss my Padawan in such a fashion."

"You turn the Temple upside down with your attempts at seduction and then you refuse to even tell us if it was worth it?"

"My attempts at seduction," Qui Gon repeated slowly.

"That intimidation technique might work with padawans, but we're your equals, Qui Gon. So yes, your attempts at seduction. Not that we blame you."

"Obi Wan is nothing if not desirable." The master seated across from Qui Gon added.

"I will answer your question. But only to make it clear that while he may be desirable, he is also off limits." He looked around the table. "Yes, it was worth it."

"That's all we wanted to know."

On to Anal Intercourse: Preparation

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