"You didn't really think you'd be able to get free, did you?"
Alex shook his head. It was all very unreal, yet somehow
familiar. Chillingly so, in fact.
"You're my captive. I can do anything I want. Do you know
what I want?"
Alex said nothing.
"I asked you a question."
A gloved hand caught his chin, bringing his head up sharply.
He focused on eyes dark with arousal.
"No," Alex said.
"No—" he prompted.
"No, sir."
"Better. You're getting better at this. Still not good enough to
be released, though." He mused, quietly, his voice never raising the
slightest bit. He was the perfect mask of calm.
"Sir—"
"Hm?" He sounded only mildly interested.
"Would you—could I—"
"Yes? Out with it!"
"Fuck me please, sir."
There was a terrible silence. Alex felt for one moment that he
had suddenly ruined it all, that he was going to be left there, hard and
unsatisfied, for the rest of the night. He was immediately scouring his
brain for some form of apology.
"Well, since you asked nicely—"
With no more preliminary, Mulder released him, and flipped him
over. They were both sweating with the strain of the game, aroused
and needy. He was inside in an instant, with no preliminary.
"God, yes—Mulder—yes—"
He was nothing more than this, Mulder's toy, to be used. It was
all that he wanted. And yet he was treated so well, always, given
whatever he wanted, loved, adored, cherished. Sometimes it was
too much for him to handle.
He couldn't force his body to stop it's reactions. No matter how
much control he thought he had, it betrayed him. It always wanted
Mulder far too much. He came in a rush, stifling his scream with a
fist.
Afterwards, Mulder nuzzled his hair.
"So, when are you going to tell me?" he asked.
"Tell you what?" Alex asked, sleepily.
"What I'm punishing you for."
He stiffened, and said nothing.
"Okay," Mulder said, finally. "Whenever you're ready." He
soothed the tense body tenderly with his hands and mouth, drifting off
into sleep. Alex's body relaxed, but his mind stayed fiercely awake
for most of the night.
The newlyweds had returned from their honeymoon after only ten
days. It was all the time they had been able to cull away on such
short notice.
Dana stopped by their old office to finish packing her stuff.
"I'm surprised the boss man couldn't manage at least two
weeks," Mulder teased, hugging her.
She shrugged. "What can I say? Turns out he's merely a
figurehead." She punched him. "That's for not telling me where we
were going."
"Hey!" he raised his hands. "Skinner threatened me with a
permanent desk job, and no expense account."
"Since when are you more afraid of him than you are of me?"
"Well, you're currently running neck-and-neck. Now that you're
married, I suppose you'll be presenting a united front." He rubbed his
shoulder. "How was it, anyway?"
"Beautiful. I wish we could have stayed a month. I've only
been to Ireland once before, when I was a little girl."
"See any relatives?"
She groaned. "The last thing I wanted to do on my
honeymoon was see family. We squirreled ourselves away in a
little b&b and didn't see anyone but the maid for eight days."
He raised an eyebrow lecherously at her. "Why Dana
Katherine! I'm shocked!"
She laughed. "Hey, I get bonus points for shocking Fox
Mulder." She looked around the office. "I'm actually going to miss
this place."
"You can always change your mind."
She shook her head. "Nope. It's for the best, really. It's just
not the same anymore."
"No, I guess not," he agreed. "When do you start the new job?"
"Day after tomorrow." She sighed. "How are things going with
you?"
He shook his head. "It's been hard on Beth, but the therapy is
continuing."
"You still going with her?"
"Yeah. It's just—hard, re-living it all. I don't know if it's
harder on her or on me, sometimes. She seems to be taking it in stride, but
this past week—"
"What?"
"The doctor has been getting her closer to the time of the
abduction. It's scaring her, somehow."
Dana nodded. "There must be a lot of memories coming back
for her. To actually know what happened, I mean. It's unbelievable."
"I get the feeling that it's more than that, though. It's as though
she doesn't want to remember what happened before the
abduction. It scares her."
"Do you know what she's remembering?"
Mulder shook his head. "I don't know, really. I remember our
parents arguing a lot, and a lot of secrets. A lot of tension,
everywhere. But I can't think of anything specific. It all seems
important, in hindsight."
"You're doing the right thing, you know, staying with her.
Walking her through this. It's all you can do, and I know that it's
frustrating, but she has to remember on her own. Just be there for
her."
"I can't do anything else."
"Hard, isn't it?"
"More than I'd ever have imagined."
"And how is Alex?" she asked, casually.
"Fine. At least that's what he says."
She looked at him curiously.
He shrugged. "There's something bothering him, and he won't
tell me what it is."
"It sounds as though you've switched personalities."
He laughed. "I guess so. Who would have thought that I'd
turn out to be the well-adjusted one in this whole thing?"
She laughed, too. "Well, I don't know if I'd go that far. Give him
some time. He loves you."
"Yeah," he agreed. "That's about the only thing that I'm
absolutely sure of, these days."
Alex was waiting for him when he got home that night. Mulder threw
his keys on the kitchen counter, and slid his arms around him.
"Hey," he said, nuzzling his ear. "How are you?"
"I'm fine, Mulder," Alex said, catching his mouth in a deep kiss.
"You're home early."
"I couldn't concentrate. I haven't been a very effective member
of the Bureau lately."
"Well, that's hardly a surprise, with all that's been going in.
Maybe you should take a leave for a little while, until everything
straightens out."
"Uh-unh," he shook his head. "I'm not wasting my vacation
time. After this is all done, then we go away somewhere together."
He lifted the lid of a pot on the stove. "Hey, you even cooked.
Smells good."
"It's just stew. We can't eat take-out all the time." He stirred
the pot, and put the lid back on. "I wanted to apologize for last night,"
he said, quietly.
Mulder looked at him thoughtfully. "You want to talk about it?"
Alex shook his head. "Not particularly."
"Okay. I won't push you."
"Thanks."
They were silent for a moment. "Scully came by today," Mulder
said, finally, opening the fridge for a beer. He handed Alex one.
"They're back already?"
Mulder nodded. "It was nice to have her there again. The
office doesn't feel the same without her."
"Have you thought anymore about leaving the X-files?"
"I think about it all the time. The only problem is, I don't know
what I would do instead."
"You could always put out your shingle and handle the crazies."
Mulder snorted. "Oh, yeah, that's got a lot of appeal."
"Yeah," Alex agreed. "I suppose you have a lot to deal with
already. Samantha, your mother, me—"
"Hey," Mulder stopped him. "I don't deal with you, I love you."
He turned Alex so they were looking into each other's eyes.
"Remember me? The man who loves you? Till death do us part?"
Alex laughed. "Is this a proposal?"
"Do you want it to be?" Mulder asked, thoughtfully.
Alex sobered. "Are you serious?"
Mulder nodded. "Yes."
"Wow. You mean a commitment ceremony?"
"That's all it could be. But, if it would re-assure you—"
"I know you love me."
Mulder smiled. "Yes. But maybe we should take the next
step."
"I never wanted to jeopardize your job, or the way you're
treated. We're reasonably discreet, now."
"I don't care about any of that. If I did get fired, at least the
decision about whether to stay would be made for me. And they way
people treated has never bothered me before. It couldn't possibly get
any worse than it's been in the past."
"I don't know," Alex shook his head. "We're not exactly 'gay
couple of the week,' you know. Hardly anyone knows."
"So we tell people. Or stop not telling people. How about,"
he said, kissing him, "no more secrets?"
Alex pulled away, silently, but Mulder wouldn't let him. He
slipped back into the hug. "Tell me what you can, when you can,
okay? I love you."
"I know."
"So when's dinner ready?"
The hypnosis sessions had continued steadily, three times a week.
Dr. Hanson was pleased with Beth's progress, but he didn't want to
move her too fast, at the risk of possibly traumatizing her further.
Both she and Mulder were frustrated by the slow progress, but they
deferred to the doctor's decision.
More bits and pieces had come out—remembered vacations,
times in Martha's Vineyard, school teachers, relatives. Things were
beginning to make sense for Beth—she was retaining more and more
of the information after she had been awakened from the hypnosis.
They were getting closer and closer to the time of the
abduction. Beth had become more nervous, sensing that they were
heading for some sort of a breakthrough, and Mulder felt as though
he were walking on glass around her. The last session, she had
become violently agitated at something that she remembered, some
shadowy figure, although she didn't know who he was.
"It isn't unusual," the doctor assured him. "If what she is
remembering is a particularly painful or frightening experience, she is
remembering it with all the feelings of a small child. She'll have all
the same reactions that she did then, because it will seem real to her.
When she's under, she thinks that she's a ten-year-old girl. She
doesn't have any adult defenses."
When Beth was once again hypnotized, he began to talk to her
again.
"The last time, you were telling us about the man who was in
your house. Do you remember, Samantha?"
"Uh-huh. Why do you always call me Samantha?"
"It's your name. What would you rather be called?"
"Sam."
"Okay, Sam. Can you tell us about the man?"
"I don't like him. Mom doesn't like him. He makes her cry. I
wish he'd go away. Daddy, make him go away." She paused for a
moment, as if she were listening to something. "Fox, come here."
Mulder answered automatically, before the doctor could stop
him. "What is it?"
"He's here again. Look." She pointed. "I'm afraid, Fox."
"It'll be okay."
"I'm going down there."
Mulder was wracking his brain, trying to remember what she
was talking about. He remembered lots of fights in the months before
Samantha had disappeared, but nothing stood out. It was as he had
told Scully—everything seemed important.
"Who are you?" She started breathing heavily, once again, as
she had before. "Mom, help me! Mom!"
"It's okay, Sam. You're okay. Nobody's going to hurt you," the
doctor tried to soothe her. He turned to Mulder, who was watching,
transfixed. "Do you want me to bring her out?"
Mulder shook his head. "What's going on, Sam?"
"He's yelling at her, but she won't stop crying. Mom!"
"Is it the man? What does he look like?"
She shook her head. "Daddy. He's just watching them. He
won't stop them. Daddy?" She flinched back, as if she had been hit.
"Sam?"
"Oh, God, oh God. No, Daddy, no, it isn't, no—" She started
crying hysterically, then.
"Bring her back!" Mulder insisted. "Now!"
"Samantha, listen to my voice. I'm going to count backwards
from ten, and when I finish, you'll be awake and fully aware. Ten,
nine, eight..."
She was still shaking when she came out, holding her balled
fists up to her face. Finally, she opened her eyes. "Oh, God," she
panted. "Oh, God—"
"Sam," Mulder said, automatically using the name. "What was
it? What did you remember?
She stared at him for a full minute, as if she were looking
through him, rather than at him. "Oh, God," she said again, then
bolted the office for the bathroom. She locked the door behind her,
but he could hear her being sick.
"Sam—" Finally, the retching stopped, and she answered. "Give me a
minute, okay?"
"Okay." He went back to talk with the doctor. "What the hell
was that?"
Dr. Hanson shrugged. "I don't know. She's obviously had a
breakthrough. It's whatever we've been leading up to, all these
sessions."
"But it didn't seem to have anything to do with the abduction."
"We've just assumed that that's what caused her trauma. We
don't know that for sure. It could very well have been what she just
remembered."
"But I would have known."
"Not if she didn't want you to. Not if she didn't want to
remember. She may have been blocking it, herself, ever since it
happened."
He went back out to the bathroom and knocked on the door.
"She's gone," the receptionist said.
"What?"
"She left about a minute ago."
"Dammit!" he said, and tore out of the office. By the time he got
an elevator and made it outside, she was driving down the street. He
ran to his car and followed her—on a path straight to their mother's
house.
When he was finally able to catch up with her, she was already in the
house. He could hear her and their mother shouting as he came
through the door.
"When did he find out? Or did he always know? Is that why he
treated me the way he did?" Her voice was terrible, edged with
hysteria. Sarah Mulder looked afraid.
"Of course it was no big deal to him, was it?" she continued.
"To throw me away. Why would he care?"
"Beth—" he started, startling her.
"And you," she laughed, whirling to face him, "the chosen one.
I could never figure out what I did. Why he hated me so much. But it
wasn't my fault, was it, Mom?" she spit this last word out. "I never
had a chance. Why didn't you just kill me before I was even born? A
fall, something simple. Or did you try?"
Sarah slapped her, looking stricken immediately after she did it.
"What the hell are you talking about?" Mulder asked both of
them.
For a moment neither of them spoke. Beth was staring with
fury at Sarah, who refused to meet her eyes at all. "He still doesn't
know."
Sarah shook her head. Beth nodded.
"We were just discussing how decisions were made," she said,
softly. "Why one child was taken over another. You were expecting
anguish, weren't you? But it was easy for him. As easy as throwing
away a daughter who was never really his."
As these words sunk into Mulder's brain, she continued.
"Should I ask who my father was? Or do you know?"
"Does it matter?" Sarah asked, harshly.
"No," Beth snorted, "I don't suppose it does." She turned and
fled from the house.
Mulder was rooted to the spot.
"You should go after her, Fox," Sarah said. "Something might
happen."
"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, stunned. "Why did you let me
think—"
"That it was you? You thought what you wanted to. It's the way
you've always been." Her entire body sagged. "How was I supposed
to tell you—my child—that I had had an affair? That Samantha was
only your half-sister? You were always closer than twins. I couldn't
hurt you that way."
"Did you ever love her?"
"She is my daughter! Of course I loved her!"
"Then why did you let him do it?"
"It was a choice. I made a choice."
He felt unbearably ill. "Then all this time, it was you. You made
the choice. You got rid of her."
She nodded. "Yes. It was me."
He left her standing there alone, feeling suddenly that he had
never known this woman at all.
A messenger arrived at the apartment. Alex smiled when he opened
the package, then dialed the telephone.
She answered on the first ring.
"Thank you for sending them."
He could hear her nod. "They've arrived. Good. I'm terribly
impressed with the American postal service. Sign them and send
them back, and I'll have everything processed."
"It seems so simple."
"Nothing is ever what it seems, is it? Still..." She paused.
"Have you told him?"
"No."
"And if he finds out on his own?"
He sighed. "I'll just have to cross that bridge when I come to it,
won't I?"
"That's the good thing about bridges, isn't it? If you come to
one that cannot be crossed, you can simply jump off."
He laughed. "Yes. Thank you, Juda."
"You're welcome. Alex—" he could hear her hesitation "I
sincerely hope that this is the last time that I'll speak with you."
"Yes. So do I."
"Be safe."
"Don't let them hurt you, Juda."
"Don't worry. They can't. They don't know how."
Sam
by Mona Ramsey
He struggled against the bonds holding him, unable to wriggle himself
free. The silk was rubbing into his naked flesh, teasing him. He
looked up into the steady gaze of his captor, watching him with an
amused smile.
