Several days later
There were many rites that were appropriate for an event like this. But Jim didn’t want it to turn into a circus like everything else had in the last few years “ not this. He couldn’t and wouldn’t bear it. He had merely looked at Vulcan members of the high council as they had all but infiltrated his quarters with Spock, trying to logically persuade them to adhere to protocol. They had all fallen silent one by one and left “ Jim merely watching them. The Vulcan rites had been performed in absence of any crowd.
And now, here, there were only a handful of people present. The upper echelon of the Vulcan high council had remained “ which included Sarek who was of course accompanied by a pale faced as well as silent Bones. Jim spared a thought for Bones’ girl, but didn’t move to say anything. Just as Bones hadn’t said anything when entering the room. There wasn’t anything anyone could say to make it better. It wouldn’t be all right “ not for a long time “ maybe not ever. Sulu, Scotty, Chekov and their mates were present as well. Finally Spock, George and Jim himself were there “ as well as a small white casket.
George didn’t really grasp the significance and implications of it all “ beyond Jim being empty and alone in his own skin again “ only without any sibling to show for it. So maybe George did understand it. Jim watched as his son clutched Jim’s leg, with Spock’s hand resting on his shoulder “ giving visible comfort. Jim’s eyes met Spock’s gaze and he wondered how anyone could say a Vulcan didn’t feel. Those dark eyes were filled with anguish and loss. Jim felt so very tired. A movement caused his eyes to leave Spock’s and focus on the proceedings.
Bones stepped forward “ clad in a black ensemble “ holding an actual book version of the Bible. The book itself was old and seemingly dusty “ though Jim knew that Bones would have been nothing but careful with it. He wondered where Bones got it from. There hadn’t been a lot of books left on star ships “ most of them that were left still to be found in the colonies. Most of their history “ culture “ literature was thankfully saved through databases. Using databases at times like these seemed wrong. It seemed cold “ much colder than an actual book. He would have to thank Bones for his insight. He wasn’t the religious type “ but he did appreciate it.
Bones opened the book and cleared his throat.
“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.”
And Jim closed his eyes, his hand coming to rest on smooth wood. And he wondered what this one could have been like. He wondered who this child could have been. Another little version of Spock “ or more like Jim himself “ or perhaps a beautiful mix like George “ or just someone unique. One hand came to rest on top of Spock’s “ on George’s shoulder. His other hand remained slightly splayed on the wood and his breath hitched for a moment. He could wonder all he wanted to “ but the potential wasn’t there anymore. And it hurt more than anything he had ever faced. Jim didn’t know if he was strong enough for this “ but he had to try. He had a son and a husband and people that depended on him that he owed it to. But it already felt like the hardest thing he had ever done.
As Bones finished and stepped back “ Sarek’s arm automatically coming up around him “ traditional earth music echoed hauntingly throughout the room. George sniffled slightly and Jim reached down to pick him up. Both legs wrapped themselves securely around his waist, as George rested his head against Jim’s shoulder. Spock moved behind them and brought one arm around Jim’s waist and the other around George. Jim ignored everyone but his son and husband “ his eyes on that smooth surface. It was possible he might never stand the sight of polished white wood again. Such potential “ such love “ all snuffed out without a chance to even truly make a claim on this life “ harsh though it might be.
"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.”
And Jim wondered.
The End.
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