Ben staggered back from the lifeless body of Lodz. He heard the rustle of management moving behind the curtain, and knew in his heart that all of the things his mama had called him had been true. He was evil. He was of the Devil. He'd just choked the life out of someone. That was a sin, even if the person he'd killed was responsible for the death of his friend.
"Listen to me, Ben Hawkins," the disembodied voice behind the curtain said. "I can help you."
Ben shook himself, "No! I don't want your help, you son of a bitch." Management was laughing at him as he stumbled out of the trailer.
He didn't hear management saying to the deceased body on the floor, "I'm afraid I'm not quite done with you yet," and Lodz gasped in air, his sightless eyes moving rapidly in their sockets.
Lodz choked in a few breaths, massaging his bruised neck. As soon as he figured out what was going on, he chuckled to himself. "I should have seen that coming."
"Perhaps, but you've let your skills grow rusty, and you've hidden too long in a bottle of absinthe." Lodz turned toward the voice. "Leave me now."
"Of course." Lodz located his cane and made his way to the door.
Ben turned back to management's trailer as he heard the door open behind him. He stared in shock as Lodz made his way down the stairs. The old man was still chuckling softly to himself, but he paused in his descent, "Nice try, Ben Hawkins. You should really learn who you're dealing with, boy." With that parting comment, Lodz walked away from him.
Ben turned toward Ruthie's trailer, and saw her emerge. He was overcome with such relief that at first he didn't notice the fire raging. As his attention was pulled to the crowd of people standing around the flame-engulfed trailer, he noticed that Ruthie was making her way toward the fire. To keep her safe, he walked over to the crowd himself.
"Why isn't anybody pouring water on this thing?" He noticed that it was Sofie and her ma's trailer. It was there absence from the safety of outside that made him shudder.
"It's an oil fire. Water ain't touched it. Jonesy, the fool that he is, ran in there to drag out Sofie and Apollonia. Poor bastard, none of 'em stand a chance." Stumpy spoke in a shocked voice, wishing his last conversation with Jonesy hadn't been so petty.
"Ben," Ruthie grabbed his arm. "You can stop it." She looked at him with glittering eyes, and he knew that she knew what he'd done.
"No, I can't." He tried to pull out of her grasp, but she held firm. "Let go of me, Ruthie."
"No, I know what you did…for Gabriel…for me."
"No," he was starting to panic. "It's a sin. Man can't take back what's God's."
"But you can. You can." She touched the side of his face, and he stopped struggling in her hold. "I can see you now, Ben Hawkins. You're just a sad little boy who's been denied love all his life because of this gift you have…"
"It's a curse," he whispered, and the tears began to fall.
"No, that's just something you've been told by someone who hated you in her heart…"
"But it was my ma…why would she hate me?"
Ruthie shook her head. "I can't answer that for you, but know that there is a reason, and it will be made clear to you. Now, listen to me, Ben Hawkins, while I was…for lack of a better term in limbo, I saw something, similar to a vision. You have to stop that fire for your own sake, so that the sides remain even."
"What are you talking about? You're not makin' any sense."
"Just do as I tell you." She shook him hard. "Now." She turned to the crowd. "Everybody listen to me. There's gonna be a dust up. We gotta get out of here."
The carnies gaped at her like she'd lost a couple of screws, but they followed her into the few trailers to seek shelter, leaving Ben standing by himself next to the still burning trailer. He turned his eyes to the brightly burning fire, and he could see in his peripheral vision Hack Scudder, mouthing that it was okay. He blinked, and the vision disappeared. He focused on the fire first. He could feel time slow to a crawl, and then dust began to swirl around him. He guided it to attack the flames, and he watched as the fire was smothered out. He then reached out and felt the people, and they were just barely hanging on, so he reached out again, praying harder than he'd ever prayed that he not hurt someone else by saving them.
He could sense the burned flesh healing, the broken spirits safely returning to their bodies, and he pulled back as he heard Sofie's door open. He saw Clayton Jones emerging from the trailer, carrying Apollonia, and Sofie following meekly behind him. Clayton and his eyes met, and Ben knew that Jonesy knew what he'd done. He could see the shock on the other man's face. He began to panic. He couldn't face this, being some sort of a freak, so he turned and he ran.
"Ben! Wait!" Both Jonesy and Ruthie, who had emerged from where she'd taken shelter, tried to plead with him to stop, but he didn't listen. He just kept running.
Ruthie turned to Jonesy. "Put Apollonia inside with me. You go after him."
Clayton was staring after Ben's retreating form. He handed Apollonia over to Gabriel, vaguely noticing that Ruthie's son no longer had a broken arm. He turned to Ruthie. "I don't understand." He was sure that he'd been dead, but then he could feel this healing take place. He didn't know how it had happed, but somehow Ben Hawkins had saved their lives.
"I know, Clayton, but trust me you will. He needs you. He needs you, Clayton. Just go to him."
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Ben made his way back to the cemetery that he'd been at earlier. There were still donations of food, pictures, and flowers laid out for the dead. He was so confused. He knew that he'd killed Lodz. He'd felt the life drain out of the other man under his own hands. Somehow, though, he was alive again, and so was Ruthie, and then there was the fire. Oh, God, what damage had he done with saving those three.
He sat down at the very same headstone where he'd tried to give his own life just a bit earlier, and wept. He felt a hand on his hair, and he fully expected it to be another hallucination of Scudder, but when he looked up, it was Jonesy's face he saw.
"Hey, kid, you okay?"
Ben shook his head, and a strangled sob tore out of his throat, and he put his head back down on his folded arms to cry, wanting the other man to leave him in peace.
"Hey, now," Jonesy kept his voice gentle. "Come on. That's enough of that."
Ben subsided into hiccupping sniffles, and Jonesy rubbed his back until he looked back at him again. "I wanted to talk to you about what you did tonight." He saw the panicked look, and quickly said, "Whoa, kid, I ain't gonna hurt you or nothin'. In fact, I owe you my life. I don't know how you did it, but I could feel you, healing my burned skin, stopping the fire." He paused and looked at Ben. "You really did restore that little girl's legs back in Tipton, didn't you."
Ben looked so sad, but he nodded. "Well, hell, son, how were we supposed to know you were the real deal."
"It's a curse." Ben muttered.
"What d'ya mean a curse? You saved our lives, didn't you?"
"Yeah," Ben's voice dropped to a whisper. "But you don't understand. It's a sin."
"Sin?" Jonesy eased himself down to the ground, noticing that his leg hadn't been healed along with the rest of him.
"For me to do these things…to heal people, there has to be a balance. For me to give something to someone, I have to take something from someone or something else. You noticed that those Tipton crops had rotted in the ground, right?" He didn't look at Jonesy, just feeling the other man sitting beside him with his hand on his back seemed to help the words flow…things he'd never been allowed to talk about.
"Yeah, yeah, I did, but I don't get it…"
"That was the price, Jonesy," Ben turned to face him, and his eyes were filled with tears again. "To heal that little girl, that town has to suffer through a bum crop when no one can really afford it." One tear spilled, but Ben scrubbed at his face and eyes until Jonesy pulled his hands away to keep him from hurting himself.
"Hey, now none of that." Jonesy looked at the young man before him. There was so much he didn't know about Ben Hawkins. The boy was a mystery…and a miracle worker. He'd rabbitted off a chain gang as was apparent by the ankle iron he'd been sporting when they found him in Milfay. He was afraid to sleep, and hadn't been if the circles under his eyes were anything to go on. And if the rumors going around the camp were true, he'd had something going on with Ruthie. He frowned; he didn't understand why Ruthie would send him after Ben instead of coming herself.
"What?" Ben's voice startled him.
"Hmm, oh nothing. Just thinking about some things." He looked at Ben, and the wide blue eyes were staring at him, and he just looked so pitiful that Jonesy did something he hadn't done in years; he hugged him. He pulled Ben close, easily tucking the head onto one shoulder, and began a slight rocking motion that seemed to soothe the young man. He still didn't understand why Ruthie sent him instead of coming herself, but he owed Ben at least this much. "C'mon now. What do you say we get back before they take on off without us?" Ben pulled away, and at first Jonesy thought he was going to say no, but Ben just stood and held out a hand to help him up. One of the last thought Jonesy had before starting back for the camp was that he'd never seen eyes so blue.
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