Monday, August 20, 2001
“What did you find out?” Amanda Bentley sat in the booth across from Mark at the corner cafe and took a sip of the latte he had ordered for her prior to her arrival.
“I don’t think we’re going to find anybody as talented in his field, Amanda. Nobody else even comes close.”
“You checked overseas, too, right?”
“Yes, England, Germany, Scotland, Switzerland, Tokyo, all the best fertility clinics in the world. I’ve called them all. Their fertility specialists only laugh when I mention Penrose’s male pregnancy study.”
“What are we going to do?” Her pretty face was stressed. “The baby’s due in December, right?”
“Yes, December. Penrose hasn’t made up his mind exactly what day he’ll do the c-section but I suspect it’ll be around the tenth. If he waits til the thirteen, the baby and I will share a birthday! I was really hoping that we could find another doctor who could do the surgery and reverse those alterations of Jesse’s reproductive system Penrose did during the implantation of the womb. If Penrose is guilty of murdering those two young women, he should go to prison! He’s a dangerous man.”
“Jesse’s life depends on a murderer. Penrose may be planning to kill *him* when the baby is born!”
“That’s possible. I *have* to find another surgeon. The longer we wait before we say anything, the more danger we put Jesse in and the more chances are of Penrose getting away with murder.”
“And the more chances for us rotting in jail.” Amanda suspired.
“I’m at a loss, Amanda. I still don’t know what to do.”
“For the moment. we can’t do anything except just smile and give Jesse baby clothes.” Amanda said. “Which I know you’ve already started buying. I saw you with that cartload of stuff at BabyLand.”
“You did?” He looked rattled.
She laughed, reached across the table and patted his hand. “Don’t worry. You’re not the only one. Steve went shopping, too, and so did I.”
“Oh, good.” He took a sip of his creamy latte and came up with whipped cream on his nose. “Now I don’t feel so much like a sentimental old man.”
*******
“What’s the matter, Jesse?” Steve Sloan reached across to buckle his friend’s seat belt, finding he had to let it out a bit before it would fit. “You’re not gonna throw up, are you?”
“No, I haven’t done that in a couple of days. I’m just thinking.”
“About what?”
“About the fact that the baby was already three months along before she was implanted in my body.”
“*She*?” Steve grinned broadly. “It’s a she?”
“Yes, I’ll show you the sonogram later. She’s developing normally. According to Penrose, I’m twenty three weeks along.”
“But you’ve only been *pregnant* for how long?”
“Since June sixth. Almost ten weeks.”
“So, what’s the problem Jess?”
“The problem is that I’ve been thinking about it a lot and it’s scary. I’ve had a lot of bad dreams lately. I’m carrying a child inside me who was developed completely unnaturally by a man who acts like she doesn’t matter at all. She was *built*--almost like a machine. He’s the biological father. What if she’s like him...some sort of heartless, wicked genius who was designed specifically to commit murder?”
“Oh, Jesse, you’ve been watching the SciFi channel again.” Steve patted his hand. “Don’t worry. She’s going to be a little angel, just like her mom.”
The doctor blushed. “Well, technically I *am* the mom, but after she’s born, just for the sake of things not sounding so --weird-- I think I’m gonna teach her to call me ‘dad’. The truth is--I don’t know if I can do this or not, Steve.”
“I think it’s a little late to change your mind now.”
“I know. I’m just panicking.”
Steve leaned over and took him in his arms. “She’s going to be perfect, Jesse, and I promise you she’s not going to be born a murderer.”
Jesse clung a few minutes, then drew back to wipe his eyes. “I’m sorry. Please don’t tell Mark about this or he’ll have me going to more of those pre-natal emotional therapy classes.”
“I won’t tell him.” Steve promised, fondly playing with his hair.
“I mean, just because Penrose is the sperm-donor, and he’s a genius who develops fetuses in a plastic case doesn’t mean anything. Just because I have no idea what the egg donor was like, and the baby began life in that giant vat of artificial brew he’s got bubbling in his laboratory...the one I never got invited to see...”
“Jesse, stop it or I’m going to ask Dad to prescribe you something.”
“I’ll be happy when she’s born so I can see her. I’ll feel better when I know she only has one head.”
“You didn’t see two heads on the sonogram, did you? She’s going to be perfect in every way, Jesse.” Placing his hands on either side of his friend’s face, he forced calming eye contact. “She’s going to be beautiful and smart just like you. She’ll have your big blue eyes, your cute little nose, your sweet personality and your radiant smile. It doesn’t matter who the biological parents are, Jess. She’s yours, and she’ll be the way you raise her.”
Jesse laid a hand on his chest. “I’m so glad you’re here with me, Steve. What would I do without you?”
“You’ll never know because I’ll be here forever, my love.” After placing a soft kiss on the younger man’s button nose, Steve started the car and drove toward Jesse’s apartment. Conversationally, he asked, “Would you feel safer if your own sperm cells had been used to fertilize the egg?”
“Nothing makes me feel very safe except being this close to you.” Jesse was still attached to his arm.
“What if Penrose had been able to convert your sperm cell to a functioning egg and fertilize it with male sperm? What if he had used--*my* sperm? Then would you feel better about the baby?”
“If that were possible, you’re talking about the ultimately perfect baby, Steve. I wish to God it was your baby instead of his.”
Steve squeezed his hand as he steered round a corner. “Me, too, Jess. I would dearly love to be the father. I hope you’ll let me take part in her life. Nothing would make me happier.”
“What are you talking about? Of course you’re going to be a *big* part in her life.”
“And in yours?”
“You’re already in mine, Steve. Big time.”
“You ready to move in with Dad and me, yet?”
“No. I can’t do that. I have to hang onto some semblance of my independence. Why can’t you understand that?”
“Because I want you where I can take care of you and protect you.”
“You already do that, and I’m grateful. You want to protect the world, Steve.”
“I just want to protect the ones I love.”
Jesse smiled at him. “You’re such a lovable guy, you and Mark both. I’ll never know how I got lucky enough to have the two of you taking care of me the way you do.”
“I’ll never know how *I* got so lucky.” Steve said, adding a caress across the pregnant man’s slightly rounded belly. “I really want you to come stay with us, Jess.”
Jesse took the hand on his stomach and moved it lower to a tight bulge just beneath the navel. A sudden twitch made them both laugh. “She says we’ll think about it.”
Steve kept the hand on the spot hoping to feel more movement, but the child inside was sleeping. Gazing intimately at his passenger, he murmured, “You don’t have to do this alone, Jess. I want to help.”
“You are helping. You’re the best friend I have in the world, Steve.”
“You don’t understand. I want us to raise her together. I want us to be a family.”
Jesse stifled a sob and was taken immediately into another comforting embrace. “Steve, you’re doing this to me on purpose.”
Steve pulled to the shoulder of the road and turned his full attention on his friend. “I love you, Jesse. I’m just trying to let you know how I feel about you. I want us to be together.”
Jesse lifted his face to gaze at him, no longer ashamed of his brimming eyes. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”
Hestitantly, Steve kissed his lips. “Yeah. That’s what I’m saying.”
Jesse pursued the kiss and demanded another one. “Steve, you have to know that I’ve loved you for a long, long time. Are you just doing this because you figured that out and now I’m going to have a baby, you feel obligated?”
“No, Jesse, I’m not doing it because of the baby.” He kissed him again. “I want you. I wanted you *before* you got pregnant. I think I wanted you the very first time you smiled at me.”
“Oh.” Jesse looked up at him in anticipation. Touched, he murmured, “What are you doing tonight?”
“Whatever you want.” Steve said, taking his hand and kissing it.
“Spend the night at my place.”
“Doing what?”
Jesse blushed. “I don’t think I’m up for a night of wild, passionate sex, but we can do *something*, and then we can hold each other. We can be together.”
“That sounds good to me.” Steve pressed another kiss into the soft palm. Anxious to get to the apartment, he tucked Jesse under his arm and drove.
*******
They sat cuddled together on Jesse’s couch. The TV was on, but neither of them could have cared less about the show. Their eyes were on each other.
“You’re beautiful.” Steve whispered reverently as he lifted Jesse’s shirt to reveal his bare chest. “So beautiful.” After another long, sweet kiss, he bent to kiss a nipple, delighted when it hardened beneath his lips. Sucking it into his mouth, he teased it with his tongue.
Jesse squirmed. “That tickles.” he said, but pulled him closer. “Don’t stop.”
“Are they tender?”
“My nipples? Yeah, a little. They’re more sensitive than they used to be.”
“Would it be possible for you to breast feed?”
Jesse giggled as he sucked on the other nipple. “I doubt that very seriously.”
“So I won’t have to share them with the baby. That’s good.” Steve gently pinched the brown flesh between his lips.
“You really want this with me, Steve?”
The cop sat up to face him. After several hungry kisses, he answered softly. “I really want you, Jesse. I know I’m not the most eloquent guy in the world, so I hope it’s not going to take romantic prose or serenading to win your heart. I love you, plain and simple, and I want to be with you. I’ll do anything for you, Jess. Anything you want.”
Jesse smiled at him lovingly. “You’re so silly, Steve. All you have to do is be here until the end of time.”
“Done.” Steve kissed him again.
As the kiss subsided and they went into a comfortable snuggle, Jesse pondered. “What do you think Mark is going to say about our relationship?”
Steve drew in a ragged moan. “I don’t think he’s going to hold it against us for loving each other.”
“You’re not going to tell him, are you?”
“Not today. Eventually.”
“I understand. We can be discreet.”
“I’m not asking you to sneak around with me, Jess. Let’s just have some time together before we tell him.”
He read disappointment in the blue eyes.
“Or we could give him a call right now and tell him the good news.” Steve said, hoping to appease him. “Whatever you want, Jesse. It’s up to you.”
Jesse squeezed him tightly. “I love you, Steve.” he said, “I think I would prefer that we wait at least until tomorrow to tell him.”
“What do you have in mind for tonight?” Steve murmured in his ear.
“Maybe a little loving.” Jesse answered.
Knowing the younger man was temporarily devoid of the normal male responses to sex, the cop wondered how to sexually approach him without causing him anguish. He settled for slipping one hand down from the swollen nipples to cup the area around the navel. “Jesse, you know I love you. I mean that, so never doubt it. But I’ve never done anything like this before, not with a man, not even a *pregnant* man. So you just take my hand and put it wherever you want it, okay?”
Jesse smiled at him and laid a hand over Steve’s hand. “I like it right where it is.” he said. “I’ve never done this before, either, but I think I know where to touch *you*.” His free hand ventured to his lover’s fly. “Can I take it out?”
“Do whatever you like. It’s yours.” Steve said. He watched in growing excitement as Jesse opened his pants and extracted his stiffening member.
“Mine?” Jesse seemed to like the idea.
“Yeah, sweetheart. All yours.”
“What about the rest of you?”
“Everything belongs to you.”
“So I can do whatever I want with any part of you?” Jesse stroked the impressive cock in his hand.
“Yeah, as long as it doesn’t hurt either one of us.” Steve grinned. “What do you wanta do?”
“I’ve never given a guy a blow job before. I want to try it.”
“Well, honey, I’m the guy to practice on.” Steve stretched out his legs and made himself comfortable.
Jesse leaned over to sample the purple head, ran his tongue around it. “Can I suck it?”
“That would be great.” Steve answered, playing with his hair. “If it doesn’t bother you. I know how sick you’ve been lately.”
“I think I can do it as long as you let me know before you...you know...”
“Come?” Steve caressed his cheek. “I’ll tell you.”
Jesse sucked in the large cock, his jaw cracking in protest of the open width.
“Oh, Jesse,” Steve moaned, tangling his hands in his lover’s hair, “It’s not gonna take long, honey. And then I’ll do something for you.”
Jesse sucked the head and pumped the base, which soon had Steve arching and panting. During the course of giving his very first blowjob, Jesse found himself amused that Steve kept up a steady monologue. For a man who normally didn’t talk much, he was certainly verbal during sex.
“Just like that.” Steve urged, “Use your tongue. Yes, that’s good. Yes, that’s perfect.” He rambled on until the boiling point, then grabbed Jesse’s head and pushed him away. Quickly, he encased Jesse’s hand, which was still wrapped around the base, and pumped it faster. As his cream shot high into the air, Steve’s moans increased, still very articulate. “Oh, Jesse, you don’t know how much I love you.”
Jesse was affected to desire by his passionate verbose. “I love you, too, Steve.”
They rolled on the couch until Jesse was lying beneath him. Steve kissed his way down his body, pushing the scrub bottoms down as he approached the abdomen. When his penis was exposed, Jesse whispered, “I don’t think it’ll work, Steve.”
“I want to make you feel good.” Steve said.
“But I can’t get an erection.”
“What makes you feel good?”
Jesse shrugged in discomfort. “Just being in your arms.”
“What about a prostate massage?” Steve kissed the limp organ, willing it to rise, but it laid inert.
“I don’t know. I’ve never had one. A lot of my patients talk about that.”
“About prostate massages?”
“Yeah. One guy says that’s the only thing that makes him ‘get it up’ any more. I thought maybe it was because he’s had so much anal sex.”
“You want me to give you one?”
“Not now. Maybe some other time. How about we just go to bed and hold each other for now?”
“Okay.” Steve hauled him carefully to his feet and led him to the bedroom.
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