Chapter 30: The Agony of Loss and the Magic of a Healing Touch
At work on Monday, Feral firmly kept his grief at bay and for the next two days, seemed to have succeeded in keeping it locked away. But loss that deep cannot be denied forever and on this day, his careful barriers started crumbling.
After hugging Jeremy and sending him off to play in the daycare, Feral went to his office and cleared his desk of reports, attended meetings including a really boring one at the Mayor's office, witnessed the testing of a new weapon, had lunch, then gave two briefings to squadron commanders and troops. By the end of the day, he was feeling the strain of holding back his grief.
No longer able to concentrate on the last of the reports on his desk, Feral stepped off his pedestal desk to walk to the wall of windows. He stared blindly out the window as the events past came pouring forth, swamping him with feelings of intense sorrow.
Some minutes later, Steele came striding into the Commander's office with a report Feral had asked for. He noted the Commander was standing near the windows and switched directions but as he got close he realized something wasn't right. The big Sabren wasn't just standing before the window, he was actually pressed against the glass, eyes closed, tears of pain and anguish cascading down his face, fists clenched and resting on either side of his face.
Blinking in confused concern, Steele approached more cautiously, uncertain what he should do in the face of Feral's obvious grief.
Downstairs in the squadroom, the midshift was settling in their seats for their briefing before heading out to patrol. Squad leader Bryson was about to call order when two of his officers suddenly got up and were heading for the door. It didn't miss his attention that they were the only Sabren's in the room.
"Where are you two going?" He demanded.
The two paused, grim and concerned looks on their faces. It was Drake who responded, "sorry, sir, but we're needed in the Commander's office asap," he said urgently.
Bryson blinked in surprise. "I never received an order for you."
"No, sir. It's a Sabren thing. If one of us is in serious distress, any of us within the vicinity of the individual must respond and offer help. The Commander is pouring out waves of distress and we must go see what the problem is immediately and help him deal with whatever it is," Drake said then without another word, he and Stone hurried out the door.
Bryson could only shake his head in stunned surprise. 'I hope Steele gets that pamphlet he's writing done soon. I'm tired of being in the dark about these guys,' he thought in mild annoyance. 'I wonder what's wrong with the Commander this time, nothing really bad I hope,' was his final thought before he got the squad's attention again and went on with the briefing.
Drake and Stone hurried down the hall and caught one of the elevators, three more Sabrens jumped aboard before the doors closed. The group shared grim looks as the car went up.
"I think it's grief over the loss of his kitten," Stone suggested quietly.
"You may be right," Drake agreed.
The doors snapped open on the correct floor and they poured out and hurried to the Chief Enforcer's office.
Inside the office, Steele approached his superior and gently patted the tom on the back. "Can I help you, sir," he asked quietly.
Feral could only shake his head, his body trembling, tears falling unheedingly down his face. Feeling helpless, Steele continued to caress the tom's back, offering what comfort he could. He realized Feral must have been suppressing his grief and it had now overcome him. It was certainly like him to do something like this. Steele was very glad there was nothing of urgency going on when this happened.
Suddenly a group of Sabrens poured into the office and headed toward the Commander. Steele turned his head and stared at them in surprise and confusion. They nodded acknowledgment to him but gently pushed him away and circled Feral.
One, however, remained by Steele's side. The slim, blond tom eyed the officer in bewilderment. "How on earth did you know what was going on?"
Sgt Jiessen repeated what Drake had told Squad Commander Bryson only minutes before. "So as soon as we felt his distress we hurried here. We suspected it was grief over losing his kitten."
"Your guess would be correct and I'm assuming it's because he hadn't dealt with his grief that this occurred in the first place," Steele said in a questioning tone.
"I'm certain you're correct about that sir. I couldn't say for certain, myself. All I do know is he's suffering terribly right now."
Soft sobs could just be heard from where Steele stood. He felt his heart tighten at that terrible sound of grief. "I'm so sorry he lost his little one," he murmured softly.
"We all are, sir and we'll do our best to help him through this as well as his mate who is suffering right along with him, wherever he is at this moment. As a matter of fact, I should go see their living kitten and soothe him. He will be feeling his parents grief through the parental bond," the officer said in concern, making a move for the door.
"Oh, Jeremy will be feeling what's going on?" Steele asked in shocked dismay causing the officer to halt a moment to respond.
"Not fully, sir...thankfully. But he will know something's wrong, for certain."
"Oh that's terrible. But you can make it better for him?"
"Yes sir. We've done it once already when the Commander miscarried so that Razor wouldn't have so much trouble when he cared for the little one. We eased his distress and he was alright though lonely for his mother," Jiessen told him.
"Is it common for you guys to monitor each other this way or is it because it's the Commander whose involved?"
"It has nothing to do with the Sabren in question being the Commander. We're a tight knit group here, sir, and we look out for each other. It's necessary to prevent any problems between us and Kat kind. Speaking of which, I needed to inform you that a procedure needs to be put in place to allow the monitors of the daycare to call the desk sergeant and get help from any Sabren in house when there's a problem with a Sabren kitten. The monitor I spoke with said she and the others felt a little out of their league dealing with our kind and would appreciate the assistance."
"I could kick myself for not having thought of that," Steele said, chagrined.
"There's no way that would have occurred to you, sir. At least nothing serious has happened, so we are in time in getting it solved," Sgt Jiessen said, placatingly.
"I'm trying to solve part of that problem by writing a pamphlet that everyone can read to help understand your kind as well as help those Sabren's denied the knowledge by a negligent parent," Steele told him.
"Really?" Jiessen stared at Steele in surprise. "Sir, that's wonderful news. I can't wait until you complete it," he said sincerely.
Steele smiled in embarrassment. "Uh...thank you, that's a good incentive for me to do a good job on it if you guys think it's a great idea too."
"Oh definitely sir. We desperately need something like that. It will help us teach our kittens better too," Sgt Jiessen said honestly then said urgently, "sir, it's important someone find Commander Feral's mate and bring him here. He needs comforting too and we are able to do that for him easier when he's with his mate. We can only do so much but we're not his mate and the two together with our soothing energies will help them get past their grief faster."
"Oh! Well, I do have a way to contact him and his partner. I'll leave you to handle the kitten...uh...Sgt Jiessen (reading the officer's name tag) and would deeply appreciate having an opportunity to pick your brains more for my pamphlet at a later date."
"I'd be honored to help you, sir. I'll call you to find out what would be a good time for both of us," Braden said warmly then left hurriedly for the daycare center while Steele turned away and went over to Feral's coat near the door.
He found the communicator easily. It had two buttons on it, one for T-Bone the other Razor. He'd since learned from the Commander that the pair no longer lived together nor were they in their secret hangar most times. He pressed the one for Razor and got an immediate response.
"Razor here! What's up!"
"This is Steele. Commander Feral has succumbed to grief over the loss of his kitten. Enforcer Sabrens are here with him in his office to help ease him. They tell me your partner will be similarly affected and that you need to bring him here for them to help them both more effectively. I can tell you, it's really intense so I can only imagine what T-Bone is feeling right now."
"Crud! I'm not sure where he is at the moment but I'll find him, thanks for reaching me and I'll be there as fast as I can by Turbokat," Razor said, his voice worried.
"I'll have Sgt Fallon waiting for you on the flight line so you'll have help with your partner, see you soon," Steele said sympathetically.
"Thanks!" Razor said quickly then cut the connection.
Steele sighed. He put the communicator back in Feral's pocket then turned back to the group around Feral. 'Poor guy, I have no idea what it's like to lose a kitten but it's obviously really hard to handle even for a tough tom like Feral,' he thought sadly.
Worried and scared for Chance, Jake changed to Razor and went out to his cyclotron, he also signaled for the Turbokat to go to the landing field beside Chance's home. Soon he was zooming down the road to his partner's home, hoping he wasn't at work. Arriving at the house some minutes later, Razor rolled into the slowly opening garage. He parked and noted the other cyclotron was there indicating Chance was home.
Relieved, Razor raced into the house and searched for his partner. He found the tabby on his bed, curled in a ball and sobbing. Shaking his head in sorrow and concern, Razor sat down on the bed and shook his friend firmly.
"I'm soo sorry, Chance but you need to close your bond with Ulysses enough to get back control and come with me. Come on, buddy!" Razor begged.
It took several more minutes of constant encouragement and shaking before Razor managed to get Chance's attention. The tom's eyes were swollen and red, his face fur soaked with tears when he raised his head to stare blearily at his friend.
"Let's go to your mate, Chance. The Sabrens there will help you both. Up you get...we have to get you changed," Razor coaxed as he pulled his partner to his unsteady feet then helped the tom change to his g-suit.
Now dressed as T-Bone, Razor helped his partner walk outside, locked the house, then walked to where the Turbokat was already waiting for them. Helping the tom up and into the cockpit, he had him sit in the gunner's seat while he took the pilot's seat. Soon they were taking off and flying toward Enforcer Headquarters.
Landing on the flight line and parking close to the hangar doors, Razor shut down the engines, then helped his partner out of his seat and onto the wing. As promised, Sgt Fallon appeared and helped Razor get T-Bone down to the ground.
With them on either side of the grief-stricken tom, the pair walked him through the hangar and to the elevator then down the hall the commander's office.
Once they stepped into the office, one of the Sabrens detached from the group and came for the tom. He wrapped an arm around T-Bone's waist and walked him over to the healing circle near the windows. The Sabrens opened the circle and gently pushed the tom against Feral's body.
The touch roused Feral enough to realize his mate was near and he turned from the window to clutch T-Bone into his arms, the tabby did the same and they clung tightly to each other, sobbing. The Sabrens closed their circle and began pouring blue energy into the pair. This went on for more than ten minutes before finally fading away.
When the Sabrens pulled away, at their center stood the pair, more calmer and still clinging to each other. Steele could see the Commander looked completely wrung out but was now alert again as was T-Bone.
The oldest of their number, spoke up, "you two need to go home and rest, sir. Jeremy is already being cared for so he'll be alright when Razor takes him home. You should not take care of him tonight, you're too stressed."
Feral gave a shaky sigh and nodded. Keeping an arm around T-Bone's waist he and his mate walked slowly to the door, trailed by Razor and Steele. They paused long enough for Feral to get his coat on.
"Don't worry, sir, I'll take care of everything. Just get some rest," Steele told him gently.
Feral eyed him blearily. "Thank you," he murmured hoarsely.
"I'll fly you two home then come back for Jeremy," Razor told them quietly.
Without speaking and still clinging to each other T-Bone and Feral shuffled out the door and down to the elevator with Razor walking slowly behind them.
Steele stood near the door and waited for the Sabrens to make for the exit before he halted them a moment.
"Thank you for aiding the Commander and his mate in their time of need. I know its an imperative for you do this but I still felt a thank you was warranted. If you run into any problems because of this when you get back to duty, don't hesitate to have your supervisor contact me," Steele told them.
The group nodded their understanding and smiled then departed. Steele sighed and rubbed his temples. He was glad this happened at the end of shift...he wanted to go home and have a stiff drink. Right now, though, he needed to get back to his office so he could write down this new information he'd gained and to make a note to contact Sgt Jiessen for a little discussion.
He went back up to Feral's desk to insure no sensitive documents had been left out, satisfied there wasn't, he tidied the desk top then left, locking the door behind him. He paused at the secretary's desk and told her the Commander was gone for the day and to refer any calls to him. Once she nodded her understanding, he made for his own office down the hall.