Beta: Queen Morgan
Test Reader and dog trainer (don't ask): Nefernat
Disclaimer: If they were mine, my betas would be getting paid! No,
the world of HP belongs to JKR her publishers, film company and
countless others, no maliciousness intended.
Authors note: if you look carefully you can tell what songs I was
listening to while reading. Thanks to all my magical muses from
Billboard 2006.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~
Lucius sat in his garden and sighed. The gardens were extensive and
included a labyrinth, a rose garden, greenhouses, a statuary garden
and gazebo, guaranteed to take one's breath away. However, none of
them lifted his mood. "I miss you." He spoke to a small photo in his
hand. "You seem so far away, and it's been far too long. I keep
dreaming of you."
"But, I wanted you to stay. I would do anything to hear you say you
loved me as well and forgave me my transgressions against you in the
name of the war. But, you could never believe a word that fell from
my lips, could you? Not that I'd blame you."
He went inside to drink himself into oblivion.
Harry crumpled up the letter in his hand angrily. "Don't cry to me!
If you loved me you would be here with me. You want me, so then come
find me! Make up your mind!" He threw the letter against the wall
and then went on a rampage, smashing everything in his room.
"I can't keep believing that you care! Damn you, Lucius Malfoy! Why
did you have to fall in love with me after taking the wrong side!?
If you really loved me, why didn't you come after me? But no, you
can't take the blame for what you did. You can't pin this all on
Voldemort this time! You're too late!! If you loved me, you'd be
here!!!" Harry screamed and fell to his knees amidst the broken
glass.
The phone rang and an all-too familiar, drunken voice came through
the receiver. "Harry…I…I miss you."
"Bullshit! If you ever cared you would be here right now! And, I'll
tell you something. My life is brilliant right now! Bloody
brilliant!"
"Please, Harry, I love you. Give me a chance! I …saw you in the
papers with that man, but I don't care. I can love you better than
he can."
"How can I be with you, Lucius? How? The war is over, but the public
hasn't forgiven you! My Quidditch career would be over, and for
what? Someone who can only call and tell me he loves me when he's
drunk, or send letters to tell me? You've never once told me to my
face! How can I believe you?"
"Please, Harry. You are so beautiful to me. There must be some way
we can be together. You can live here in the Manor –"
"Go sober up, Lucius. It's time to face the truth. I will never be
with you." Harry slammed the receiver down.
Ron sighed as he looked at the state of Harry's room. "I knew from
the start this was a bad idea. Why did you move away from the git if
you love him?" In answer, a trophy went whizzing past his ear.
"How can I be with him? But, no other man can stand up beside him!
He's got soul, style and class, and whoa what a perfect ass. But,
how can we ever be together?"
Ron tried not to cringe at the thought of his best mate looking at
Lucius Malfoy's ass, but it wasn't as if the entire wizarding world
didn't know their beloved Quidditch star, and war hero, was gay. But
still, the details….Ron looked around. "Looks to me like you want to
be with him or you wouldn't be so bleeding angry. What happened to
Tony, anyway?"
"Like I said, Ron, no one can compare against Lucius. It's
ridiculous, really. Oh hell, maybe it's just Spring Fever with him.
How should I know!?" Harry slumped into his favorite recliner.
"You can't go on like this, mate." Ron gestured around the room;
books were strewn hither and yon, glass shards littered the floor,
and trophies lay helter-skelter all about.
"This whole thing has changed my life. Who ever thought I'd have
Lucius Malfoy chasing after me? Someone might as well tell the
bleeding press!"
"I'm surprised they haven't gotten a hold of it yet," Ron muttered
as he began to wave his wand around and repair the damage. "When are
you going to admit you have it just as bad as he does?"
"It would destroy my life, you know that. Besides he can't even
admit it to my face. If he really loved me like he says, he'd be
here telling me in person. I never thought he was a coward. But he
is. Either that or he's lying. Regardless, is it worth throwing away
everything I worked for?"
Ron helped repair the rest of the room and quietly slipped out.
There was no talking to Harry when he was like this. It was like
talking to a brick wall
"Where are you when I need you the most? Every time I kick it over
in my mind, we lose before we begin." Harry stood at the window as
he talked aloud. "You tell me your life is off-line and you're
falling to pieces. Just because you have a bad day doesn't mean it's
a good day to try to convince me again. I saw you on the Prophet,
and you look so tired and sad. Is that my fault?"
"You need to get away, Lucius. Then, you'll probably forget about
me. It was probably all lies, anyway. Although, they do say that the
camera can't lie." Harry got off the window seat and slipped into
his recliner, his thoughts straying once more to the beautiful blond
who'd written him letters of such longing ever since his world tour
began. He was tempted to have a good wank, but it always lacked the
passion he so desperately craved.
Lucius kicked the old leaves out of his way. Normally he would have
cursed the house elves for not having cleared the debris, but his
heart wasn't in it. Could Harry ever forgive him? Or forget what
he'd done? It was said that time healed everything, but Lucius was
still waiting. He walked inside and picked up a decanter of bourbon,
and began to get himself drunk…again.
The public would always doubt his sincerity. He paid his price in
Azkaban, and he wasn't ready to make nice with the press and public.
It was too late to make it right. Even if Harry thought he should.
He wished the brunette would just get over it. Why was it so
important?
Things hadn't changed. He was still receiving hate mail on a regular
basis. Mothers still told tales to their children about the evil he
incarnated. How could he change all that? What did Harry expect from
him? If he backed down to the public then he'd be seen as a target,
weak and vulnerable. He was the scourge of society. There was no way
he could ever measure up to the young man he'd had the misfortune to
fall in love with at the final battle.
He picked up the phone Draco had insisted he get and dialed the
familiar number.
Harry toddled out of bed, grabbed his robe, and made a dash for the
phone before it woke up Tomas, who was the fling for the night.
Fumbling for the receiver, he picked it up.
"Harry?" the voice was weak and tired.
Instant recognition came to him. "Lucius, what's wrong?"
"I can't go on like this. I can't be the man you want. They'll never
forgive me. I'm sorry; I shouldn't have called so late. Are you
busy?"
"Actually, I'm not alone."
Lucius gripped the receiver hard at the pain that inflicted.
"But, he's not you."
"Harry?"
"It's good to hear your voice."
"I love you, Harry."
"Lucius, how am I supposed to live my life if you continue to do
this to us? You know what I need, honesty, in person."
"I shouldn't have called. It will probably cause a fight between you
and your lover-du-jour," Lucius snapped out vehemently before taking
another swig.
Harry sighed. "It's good to hear your voice. You know he's just a
substitute for you, at this point. I'm doing everything I can to get
you off of my mind. It makes it impossible to be faithful to
anyone."
"Please, come to the Manor so we can talk," Lucius asked hopefully.
"No, Lucius. You know my terms. You have to brace the world. A
bloody hermit is what you've become. I'm part of the world. The
public knows me. My team needs me. I can't just vanish off the face
of the bloody earth for some spring fever fling."
"It's more than that, and you know it."
"Maybe."
"I can't go out, they hate me. You don't know what its like to be
the villain of every child's bedtime story."
"This is just weakening us both. We can't go on like this, Lucius,"
Harry sighed, combing his hair through his free hand.
"Merlin, do you have any idea what it does to me, just to hear those
angelic lips saw my name? I don't want to say goodbye. We've so much
to say in person."
Harry groaned. "Why are you calling me so late, anyway?"
"I missed you," Lucius admitted in a small voice. "Come home soon."
Lucius hung up the phone and Harry smashed his against the wall.
"You're not the one for me, Lucius Malfoy," Harry chanted to himself
high above the Quidditch pitch, trying to refocus on the game.
He'd left his flat early and went for a ride on his favorite black
horse, and sat under a large cherry tree as he pondered the
evening's call. When his lover woke, he'd find himself alone, like
so many others had. Undoubtedly, when Harry got home something would
be missing, but he found he no longer cared.
Now, he sat high above the pitch of one of the most important games
of his career, fighting desperately to keep his mind off Lucius.
Lucius, who had invaded his life, dreams, soul, and even heart. He
was starting to wonder who wanted who more. Would either of them
bend?
"NO, Harry! He's not the right one for you!" His brain argued. So
busy was he, arguing with himself, he barely caught the snitch, and
knew his manager, Ron, would be yelling at him again. It was a
bittersweet win.
EXCERPT FROM THE DAILY PROPHET
…I never knew how deeply I was involved until it was too late. All I
needed was the truth. But, I was greeted by apathy by the time the
dust cleared. Everyone who knew me knew I was in over my head. Just
as I am now."
"How do you mean, Mr. Malfoy?" Rita Skeeter asked curiously.
"I'm in love. Unfortunately, the object of my affections fought on
the right side of the war and he disregards my affections because of
the way the public views myself, my past actions, and standing."
Rita picked her jaw up off the floor and continued. "Everyone could
probably understand that feeling. Have you ever been in love
before?"
"No. It feels like I've lost part of myself. The worst part is the
feeling I hear in his voice when I call. It's killing us both."
"So, this fellow is on your mind all the time?" Rita couldn't seem
to wrap her mind around the fact Lucius Malfoy was even capable of
love.
On a roll now, Lucius replied, "Yes, to put it simply. "
"What is it that you are hoping to gain from this interview, Mr.
Malfoy?" Rita asked in exasperation.
"Forgiveness, if not from the public, then from him."
Lucius walked over to a crystal container of amber liquid and I
sensed I was dismissed. Is it possible our favorite villain was
nothing more than a tool? He has paid for his crimes. Should we
consider our crimes against him?
END EXCERPT
Harry crumpled the paper in his hands. His head was spinning. He
didn't know where to go from here. It was all about him and Lucius.
Now that Lucius had made his move, what was Harry to do? He had to
admit he was slipping in his game, losing sleep and lovers because
of this unresolved situation with Lucius.
He couldn't even say what day, or even month, it was anymore; his
confusion was absolute. A knock came to the door and he got up to
answer it. Anything was better was staring at these four walls. He'd
become the hermit he accused Lucius of being.
"Hiya, mate, I thought you'd be packing by now," Ron looked around
in confusion. "Didn't you read the paper?"
"He knows the conditions. Maybe the public can now forgive him, but
he has yet to forgive me."
Ron shook his head and crossed the room to the window and pointed
through the rain. "You might have to meet him halfway."
Harry frowned and crossed the room to look out. There, standing in
the pouring rain, was Lucius Malfoy with a dozen roses in one hand
and an umbrella in the other. He looked frozen like a statue. Ron
patted him on the back. "Go on, mate. It's time to try."
Turning, Harry looked questioningly into his friend's face. "You
hate him."
"No. After that article, even I understand my hatred lies dead in
the ground with the Dark Lord. Don't let him reach you still and
take this away from you. Mind you, I still think he's a git. But, if
he makes you happy…" Ron shrugged. "Looks like he's scared," he
added, looking back out the window.
Harry didn't move.
"Fine. Harry, then let me hear you say he means nothing to you."
"He means nothing to –"Harry couldn't even finish it. A wicked smile
broke across his face and Ron rolled his eyes.
"And people call me thick?" Ron teased. "Go on! Either way, this
ends tonight!"
Harry practically strangled Ron with a hug before Apparating away
with a crack. Ron looked out the window to see Harry re-appear
before Lucius. It was like watching darkness turning to light. Ron
could visibly see the weight lifting from both of the men standing
in the rain. With a sigh, he turned and left.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lucius and Harry stood for a long time simply facing each other.
"I love you, Harry," Lucius said softly.
Harry hoped he wasn't crying and it was only the rain streaming down
his face. "Say it again."
"I love you, Harry." Lucius stepped forward until they were both
sheltered under the umbrella. "These are for you. I'm sorry that I
let it all hold me back for so long. All those questions I had, I
can see the answers are all in front of me. Say you'll be mine and
I'll never let you go."
"No one has ever acted like this for me, Lucius. My head has been
spinning like a top. I've had a lot of questions myself. But, now
that you're here, they don't seem to matter."
"You are everything, Harry. I'm here as you asked. I've declared my
love in person. The interview was in effort to make the public
understand. I'll do anything you ask of me. I love you."
Harry leapt into his arms and they kissed, the umbrella falling to
the ground. The roses followed next, the sky cleared and people were
soon stopping and pointing. It wasn't long before the press appeared
to take what would become the most famous picture in Wizarding
History.
At long last, the couple parted. There were some cheers, leers, and
generally a mixed reaction. But overall, it was better than it could
have been. Harry smiled at Lucius, who cupped his cheek. "I mean it,
Harry. I love you with all I am." Gazing down into the eyes of his
love, Lucius' eyes spoke volumes.
"Please, Lucius, swear that you mean it," Harry asked in a trembling
voice, closing his eyes. He knew if he allowed himself to fall fully
for the man in front of him, he'd never be able to climb back up
again. It was going to be a fool's journey to take that first step
into the unknown with Lucius.
"I swear, Harry. I love you. Do you –"
Harry nodded, feeling the trembling overcome him as Lucius pressed
his lips once more to his, sealing their future – together.
When Darkness Turns to Light by Keikokin [ - ]
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