Freefall Chapter 11
Remus and Reason
Harry was mindlessly walking the halls when he was stopped short by a familiar voice. “I seem to remember your father doing this anytime he had to make a big decision. Perhaps it would help to talk?”
“Moony!” Harry ran to his old friend and professor, hugging him warmly.
Remus smiled at him as he stepped back to take a look at Harry. “Minerva was kind enough to tell me you might have need of me. Should we go for one of our walks? I miss those.”
Harry felt guilt fill his gut. Remus must have seen it cross his face. “Now, Harry, I didn’t say that to make you feel guilty. I understand that you’ve been busy with your friends and school. When you get older perhaps you’ll understand about becoming a bit nostalgic.” His eyes creased at the corners with his gentle smile. Harry sighed feeling the wave of love wash over him. Remus put an arm around his shoulders and they slowly headed outside in companionable silence.
Perhaps it was intuition on Remus’ part that it was necessary for Harry to get his thoughts together. Whatever it was, Harry was grateful for it. They walked a good bit over the grounds until they were facing the lake.
“If it’s any comfort at all Harry, I’ve never particularly believed in soul mates. Nor, for that matter, do I believe that we only have one person that we can love in our lifetimes. It seems a bit silly a concept when you consider we came from cavemen who would beat whatever attracted them over the head.”
Harry laughed, grateful for the ease in his tension. “There now, perhaps you can tell me your feelings on this matter.” Remus patted him on the shoulder in a reassuring manner.
“Where do I begin? I’m in a daze, stumbled and bewildered! This is just a roller coaster ride. It was easier to fight Voldemort.” Harry threw up his hands in a gesture of surrender.
Remus nodded seriously. “Do you have any idea what you will do?”
“Do I have a choice?” Harry sighed, plopping down on a large outcropping of rock.
“There are always choices, Harry. From what I understand, Lucius has taken to spending all his time with his son believing you’ve made up your mind. But, keep in mind you could be the best thing that ever happened to that man.” Remus caught Harry’s eye, trying to get his point across, but somehow, Harry just felt more alone.
“I need a moment here, and I don’t have it. The walls are closing in on me. There’s nowhere I can go for relief. I don’t think I can take any more pressure. How can that be what he needs?” Harry’s face was twisted in confusion while his leg bounced with emotions.
“Ah, Harry. Lucius has spent most of his life fighting monsters. He can offer you protection from the outside world, while you can give him someone who truly needs him.”
Harry shook his head.
Remus moved to sit next to Harry. “I’m not sure I can explain this to someone of your age Harry, but I’ll give it a go okay. Just bear with an old man. Lucius was not needed by Narcissa, who was a strong, independent woman on her own. Draco, like his father and mother, is rather independent himself. Unfortunately, they are all very cold as well. But, you have a need to be protected, sheltered and I’m sure that’s a fascinating mystery for him. There’s enough untapped love and passion between the two of you to bring you both to your knees as well. I’m surprised you haven’t felt any attraction at all.”
Looking away so Remus wouldn’t see his blush, Harry said softly. “It’s all madness. He’s old enough to be my father!”
“Harry, can you honestly say that you feel you’re the same age as your classmates?”
Expelling a large sigh, Harry stared down at his hands in his lap pointedly ignoring his bouncing leg. “In some ways I feel younger. They still know so much more than me about this world. But, in other ways, I feel like they are just an annoying bunch of sodding brats I have to babysit all the time.”
“Would you like to live careless and free, Harry?” Remus asked softly, placing a hand over Harry’s bouncing legs in an effort to calm it.
“What does that matter? Of course I would. I’d like to make a run for it right now, never have to worry about what the bloody press would say about me or if the Auror’s will catch the last of the Death Eaters or not. Sometimes I ““
“Harry?”
“Sometimes, I run away in my mind. It’s like a constant play sometimes. I just let myself drift, dreaming I was anyone else.” Harry bit his lip, fighting the pain welling up inside.
“Lucius would protect you and you’d finally have your freedom. His name would afford you that, as much as yours would give his family a measure of respect again. He could run interference for you with the press and the politics.” There was a pause before he continued. “You do realize it will be so much harder for you once you graduate don’t you?”
“What do you mean?” Harry asked nervously, looking up at Remus’ steady eyes.
“Everywhere you go, people will be calling out your name, asking for your autograph, for you to sponsor their products and to have their picture taken with you. They’ll be thankful citizens and angry orphans. Politicians who will be bowing and scraping for your support, only the walls of Hogwarts are protecting you now.”
Harry stood up, taking a shaky step forward. He’d never given it much thought. But, it was so obvious now. Up to now, he’d been lucky. His classmates had been irritating, but it wasn’t the first time, so he’d been able to pretty much shake it off.
“Why aren’t you against this?” Harry asked, looking out over the grounds.
“Oh, Harry, it’s certainly not what I would have chosen for you. I simply wanted to point out that there’s some light in the darkness. After all, as the years have gone by, I’ve come to realize that no matter what stop sign is thrown in your path you keep going forward, and that’s who you are. No one can stop you once you’ve made up your mind, Harry. Perhaps it’s the Leo in you.”
“My parents would have freaked.”
Remus laughed. “James would have, that’s true. Your mother would have been completely overcome by her concern for Draco. But, that’s really neither here or there.”
“I suppose I better go talk to Lucius.” Harry whispered.
Rising from his perch, Remus put his arm around Harry’s shoulder once more. “You’ve made a decision?”
“Yes, I have.” Remus searched his face, nodded and they walked together back to the school.
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