Warning: parody to make fun of all Veela fics
Written for Silverhope. So blame her.
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoat Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
To Silverhope by KeikokinPairing: H/DWarning: parody to make fun of all Veela fics Rating: PG-13Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoat Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
TO silverhope: This is all your fault. You requested a Veela fic. I was SO not going to do one. Now look! Ne dit jamais jamais ~ never say never *******************************************************************
The Gryffindor gang were all in carriage riding up to Hogwarts for another year of fun and games. Okay, and a hell of a lot of homework, hexing and gossiping. But it never stopped them before.
The date of course was September 1st. Harry Potter, Golden Boy of Gryffindor was being very quiet and everyone understood why. For once, not even Hermione Granger was nagging him… she had NO idea what a relief that was for him. He was SO tired. It was only a week prior that he had defeated Voldemort. The final battle had drained him so much, so close was he to dying that he sported a shock of white hair right by this face. The affect of this was rather startling, as it seemed to take away the little boy edge his features always had. But he had grown taller, his hair longer, his face had a bit of a goatee, his glasses was gone and he was tanned and muscular too. All in all, he looked totally different. He felt different, and older too.
Morning announcements had been interesting to say the least. Remus Lupin was back at school filling in at the DA job. Harry had been most pleased.
Then a tall, handsome, muscular man with long blond hair and fang earring strode forward. Harry raised an eyebrow while many around him gasped to see it was Draco Malfoy. Giggling and drooling seemed to be breaking out at the house tables. Harry was startled to see Ron trying to hold Hermione down who seemed ready to throw herself at the blond, literally.
Draco turned to the student body in his graceful catlike way, which made several students swoon. Harry wondered what was going on.
“ As some of you may or may not know I am a male Veela. Professor Snape had put some Veela resistance potion into the Pumpkin Juice. He will continue to do so as long as I am here searching for my mate.”
Draco had to stop to get Pansy Parkinson off him.
“PLEASE DRINK YOUR JUICE!” Draco shouted as he peeled Blaise off him next.
“I can’t turn off being a Veela. I’d also like to apologize for the way I’ve acted in the past.”
Harry was helping Ron hold Hermione down after that line.
“So I’m really sorry for all of it especially to Potter, Granger and Weasley.”
Harry and Ron were so shocked they let go off Hermione who managed to tackle Draco to the ground.
‘GRANGER GET A GRIP!” Draco yelled from underneath her. Snape and Hagrid came forward to peel several students off Draco. Hermione happily ran off with part of Draco’s shirt.
Ron was aghast. The rippling muscles that action had revealed entranced Harry. He shook it off figuring it must be the Veela hormones that Draco was putting off and began to eat. It was going to be an interesting year.
By the end of the first week everyone had enough Veela repellent in them that they were all settling down. However, Draco was going through an incredible amount of shirts, just the same. It seemed not a day went by that he wasn’t out of uniform and storming back to the Slytherin Common Rooms.
Harry was finding the whole thing comical. But he seemed to be the only one who did. He noticed with amusement that there seemed to be a 2 foot Radius around the blond that no one could cross without turning to goo and wanting to rip either their own clothes off or Draco’s. Harry had begun to wonder how Draco was going about this whole process. Was it like a 5-Star rating? Two bites from the Veela was a no-go and 4 love bites, meant you were in the running?
By the second week Harry noticed that Draco seemed to have a notepad where he was scratching names off. The blond was so busy between classes and hunting for a mate that he and Harry had not talked, fought or anything. For some reason this bothered Harry, but he let it go.
At the end of the first month, Harry noticed Draco was ripping pages out of his little book. Unfortunately, his goo-radius was now extended to 3 feet. Harry was finding himself increasingly bothered by the whole business, not knowing why so he spent a great deal of time flying to get away from it.
By the week before Winter Holidays Draco had still not found his mate and the radius of goo was up to 4 feet. Rumors were flying that Snape had seen the list, which was now down to 2 dozen or so names and Draco would soon be leaving Hogwarts. Harry had arrived early to Potions to find Snape and Draco deep in conversation. He put down his stuff and prepared for class. As he finished so had Draco, startle Harry looked up to see that Draco looked exhausted. In sympathy he offered the blond a chair.
“Hey, you should sit down before you fall down Malfoy.”
“Thanks Potter. I haven’t seen much of you this year.” Draco nodded gratefully.
“You’ve been the busy one. I’ve been here and around.” Harry chuckled.
Draco reached forward to touch the lock of white hair hanging down over Harry’s green eyes.
“Almost lost you, eh Potter?” Draco drawled a strange feeling running through him as he thought about it.
The two quietly chit-chatted in this manner as the Potions class filled. Since he was already sitting down by Harry, Snape just let them partner for the class. They quietly conversed as they worked on their potion.
“You know Malfoy I’m going to miss your smirking face when you go.” Harry sadly admitted.
“Well, there’s still over two dozen names, you never know,” Draco said tiredly but happy nonetheless for the sincere remark.
“So how do you know if someone is your mate Draco?”
“Well, I have to connect with their smell,” Draco began.
“Eww, that sounds awful,” Harry replied with a sneer.
“Sometimes it is. But not always,” Draco admitted.
“Right so what do I smell like?” Harry asked.
Draco leaned forward his hair lightly brushing Harry’s neck, causing Harry to shiver.
“Like the air before thunderstorm, musk and cloves.” Draco said with a smile.
“Weird,” Harry said. “So what’s next?”
“Then I need to connect mentally, then there should be physical spark.” Draco said rolling his eyes.
“It’s good you don’t have to connect with everyone, you’d be balmy!”
“No doubt Potter. Well, that’s the last of the Potion.”
“Well, maybe I’ll see you before the holiday Malfoy?”
“Maybe Potter.”
The two parted company at the Potions classroom doorway. With a sigh Draco looked over his list again as he walked. He stopped dead in his tracks and looked back where a dark head could be seen bouncing through the crowd. He just had a civilized chat with Harry Potter. Potter seemed to enjoy it too. But most shocking of all was that when he was partnered with Potter sitting closely together Potter did not touch him, drool or stare. It had been him who touched Potter. Harry had even invited him to sniff him. Draco sniffed the air and could smell Harry now two corridors away the air before a thunderstorm mixed with musk and cloves. But Harry had been totally unaffected by him.
Draco shook his head and continued to walk. Surely by now Harry Potter was off his lists. He looked at the last two dozen or so names when he noticed a page had gotten stuck to the back of one of the previous ones. The page only had one name on it not crossed off ~ Harry Potter. Draco felt his hands shake. There was no way Harry Potter was his mate. But even as he took a deep sigh he could smell Harry. This called for further investigation. Looking down at his list he decided he better quickly check on the last candidates.
As Draco sat down to dinner he realized he might as well stop looking. Without even looking up he knew Harry was about to enter the hall. He could smell him coming.
“Blaise?” Draco asked nervously hoping he’d had some Juice.
“Yeah Draco?” Blaise had apparently drank some Juice already.
“Did Potter just enter the room?” Draco asked nervously.
“Yeah, but how did you know that?” then Blaise’s eyes went wide. “Did you smell him come in?”
Draco nodded wondering what he’d done in his lifetime to deserve this punishment. Soon the entire Slytherin table was laughing, falling off their benches and slamming fists on the table. Half curious, half afraid, Draco turned toward the Gryffindor table. He looked at Harry then tried to enter his mind.
/What the hell is up with the Slytherins? Harry thought/
Draco put his shaking hands to his temples. If Harry couldn’t hear him back then there was no connection right? Draco thought desperately.
>Harry can you hear what I’m thinking? <
Draco saw Harry looking around him in confusion.
>Harry the Slytherins are laughing because I think you are my mate. <
/ Draco? /
Harry got up from the Gryffindor table, ashen white and pinned himself against the wall.
Out of the corner of his eye Draco saw Snape stand up at the Head table, evidently catching on to what was happening.
>Harry calm down. You should sit back down before you fall down. <
/ Ohmygod. /
> Is it really so bad? <
/ Yes. No. Maybe. Oh gods! I don’t know! /
Harry passed out cold. The Slytherins were rolling on the floor. And by the smell reaching Draco’s Veela senses at least one of them had peed themselves. Draco got up and walked over to the Gryffindor table ignoring the stares.
“Malfoy what are you doing here?” Ron snapped. Draco unconsciously hissed, making Ron pale.
“Checking on Harry,” Draco drawled in amusement at the natural Veela reaction he’d just had.
“Why should you care?” Hermione asked trying to keep out of the goo range.
“Because he’s evidently my mate,” Draco said bending over to pick up Harry.
Several Gryffindors keeled over at once.
“Mr. Malfoy I demand to know the meaning of this!” McGonagall snapped from a safe distance.
“Shouldn’t it be evident even for the Head of Gryffindor that our resident Veela has found his mate?” Snape sneered from behind Minerva.
“But, but, but….” Minerva sputtered before she too passed out.
Draco adjusted Harry in his arms, standing to leave the room.
“I gather I am correct Draco?” Snape drawled amused at the irony of it all.
“Yes, Professor,” Draco chuckled.
Anyone left standing in the Great Hall by now was either laughing their arse off or about to pass out.
*********************
“Enervate,” Draco said pointing a wand at Harry’s chest. Harry opened his eyes looking into Draco’s and then the faces of the Headmaster and Snape swam into view.
“W-what am I doing out here?” Harry gasped looking around, seeing he was outside in the cold December air.
“You passed out Harry,” Dumbledore chuckled.
“It would seem the news that you are Draco’s mate came as a bit of a shock?” Snape chuckled.
Draco went to give Harry a hand up and gasped at the electric jolt he felt as he did so.
/ What the hell was that? /
>The physical bonding has begun. <
“OH NO, no, no, no. Physical bonding? I like you Draco, really, but, um where is this all leading too?” Harry gasped.
Albus and Severus looked at each other realizing they were missing out on snippets of conversation because there was already a mental bond between the Veela and its mate.
“It appears to be time for the chase Draco,” Albus chuckled.
“Ch-chase? What is this a bad movie? There has to be a chase scene? How the blazes do you outrun a Veela that can smell you? Or talk to you from inside your head? Don’t I get a say in this?” Harry stammered.
“If you deny Draco he will die,” Albus said sadly.
“If this was a movie it would be two thumbs down!” Harry screamed. “So either I allow myself to be chased by a magical creature that I can’t run from and if I don’t let him into my pants he dies?” Harry was pulling at his hair. “Oh gods somebody hit me!”
WHAM!
Went the back of a hand
HISS!
Went the Veela in defense of his mate
“Severus was that necessary?” Albus mused.
“Who cares? I’ve been waiting to do that for YEARS!” Severus said happily.
>Harry, you okay? <
/Hell no! That hurt! /
HISS!
Went the Veela in anger.
“OH Draco calm down. He did ask for it!” said a smiling Severus.
“Well, I suppose I better set up a room for you two and prepare the Feast,” Albus said turning to the castle.
/ Room? Feast ? /
>Well, we need a place to cement our bond after I catch you. I think a wedding feast is in order, don’t you? <
/ Wedding? /
Harry passed out again.
“WHAP!”
Went the back of a hand.
“HISS!”
Went the angry Veela.
“Enervate!” Draco said while glaring angrily at Severus.
“What? I was just trying to wake him up!” Severus smiled happily.
Draco emitted a high pitch screech in Severus’ direction. The potions master paled and went inside.
>Harry? <
/Draco, that was kind of funny. / Harry laughed out loud.
>It’s nice to see you smile again. I’ve missed it. <
/ Really? I guess I’ve been out of it. Can we skip the wedding though? /
>Sure, but Harry I have to chase you now, so we can bond. <
/ Who dreams this crap up? /
>Please Harry I am way too good looking to die. <
/ Well, I’ll give you that. /
> OH so you do fancy me! <
/ Hello? Heartbeat? DUH! /
>But why weren’t you throwing yourself at me like everyone else? <
/Maybe I’ve gotten so used to avoiding you I’m an expert? /
>Why were you avoiding me Potter? <
/You’re the Veela you figure it out. So where’s the stupid chase scene going to happen? I can’t believe this! I’m trapped in a B movie plot! /
>Forbidden Forest? <
/Let’s go. /
>You have to go first. <
/ Man what awful writers! /
>What are you going on about Potter? <
/ Hello Muggle raised? Draco you are very good looking but oh SO blond. /
>OH so I’m good looking too? <
/ Gads. Ok let me go fake my way through the chase scene. /
Harry headed off to the Forbidden Forest leaving Draco cracking up with laughter. He did stop to enjoy the view though.
/ Draco! Are you looking at my arse? /
> OH yeah! You do realize I will shag you into next week? <
/ Why am I running from you again? /
>It’s in the rules. <
/ Gads. /
Draco gave Harry enough of a head start where he couldn’t hear him anymore, then strode into the Forest. As he entered he was completely thrown off. The forest was filled with animals, so Harry’s musk smell didn’t help. It also seemed a winter storm was brewing which threw off the thunderstorm smell. That left only the cloves to smell for. Draco smiled as he caught the faint smell and took off running. In ten minutes Draco had cornered Harry in a tree.
>Harry what are you doing up there? <
/ You think I’m going to let some weird creature eat me ? Oh wait, oops, sorry Draco. /
>Humph. Come down here! <
/Not until I finish my cigarette. /
>You smoke? <
/Yeah, clove cigarettes. /
>Well, that explains that. Do you realize Potter that if you didn’t smoke those I wouldn’t have been able to find you? <
/ Well, they do say smoking kills you. /
>Smart ass. Get down here so I can catch you. <
/What if I just stay up here until you drop dead? /
>Then no sex. <
/ ‘Nuff said. /
Harry climbed down from the tree and put out his cigarette. Draco grabbed him and bit his neck.
/Kinky! /
>You love it <
Then Draco kissed Harry making him first melt, then respond then growl loudly with desire. The pair exchanged little electric kisses all the way back to the castle. They attended a large celebration feast then went to their new room, Draco carrying Harry who had his legs fastened around his back.
True to his word Draco shagged Harry into next week. And the week after that, and the week after that, and so on, and so on.
FIN