Summary: Sun, food, rain, conversation and lots of groping.
Rating: R
Archived: 10/28/05
Notes: So here I am again. My second QAF fic. Thank you so much to all those who gave such positive feedback on my last fic, I really appreciated the encouragement. Thank you also to Megan for the beta job. Please ask if you'd like to archive this. Thanks.
The day Michael and Ben celebrate their third wedding anniversary, Michael wakes up to Ben's warm lips and large hands exploring his body. He smiles but doesn't open his eyes and decides to relax and let Ben have his way.
"Good morning, gorgeous," Ben whispers into Michael's ear before moving to take Michael's mouth in a long kiss. Their lips linger together lightly.
"Mm." Michael grins against Ben's lips. "Please tell me I don't have to get up yet."
Ben laughs quietly. "Not yet."
"Good." Sighing happily, Michael finally opens his eyes. Ben's face is above him, perfect and beautiful as always. He can't imagine ever waking up to a more beautiful sight. Looking into Ben's eyes was like finding home all over again.
Smiling down at Michael, Ben is suddenly struck by the raw intensity of the moment. He sometimes thinks Michael can look into his very soul and know all of his secrets, his desires and needs, his flaws and his scars. It is a frightening thought, and at the same time, it is a freeing thought. He wonders if Michael feels the same when he looks at him. Maybe it's not important if he doesn't, but Ben hopes that he does.
All Ben knows is that he never felt half of these feelings before Michael walked into his life. Michael woke him up, as if a part of Ben didn't come to life until Michael was there and then it felt like he was finally complete. He never wants to feel less than whole again.
Ben lowers his head and buries his face against Michael's neck, placing tender kisses and licks against the sensitive skin and is suddenly hungry for more. Beneath him, Michael quivers slightly and he tightens his arms around Ben's back. Michael runs his hands up into Ben's hair and pulls his face to his and they kiss again.
Their bodies move against each other instinctively, drawing out the slow build of arousal. Michael's hands rediscover all the places that make Ben shiver and soon his own body is trembling with pleasure.
In a quiet moment a few years ago, Ben had told Michael that he loved the way Michael was always so open and fearless when they made love. There was never a hint of doubt or hesitation, only his willingness to completely surrender and allow himself to be vulnerable. The truth is, though, Michael knows no other way to be with Ben.
Moving down Michael's body slowly, Ben looks back up as he settles between Michael's legs. Michael's eyes are soft and inviting, waiting patiently for whatever Ben is about to do. Running his fingers gently against Michael's hip, Ben smiles up at him, deliberately taking his time. Michael reaches down one arm, threading his fingers in Ben's hair, silently encouraging him to continue.
Then the silence is broken, filled with Michael's needy gasping and harsh cries.
The sun gets brighter and they don't get out of bed for a long time.
Later that day, after Hunter has left the house and Deb has smothered them both with kisses of congratulations, Ben surprises Michael with plans to have a picnic outside and lay in the sun for hours. Michael's joyful smile of appreciation is all the reward Ben needs. Even so, he spends the next ten minutes assuring Michael that it was no trouble and that he loves doing things like this for him.
"I know you do and I love you for it," Michael insists. "I just feel bad that the only surprise I had planned was ambushing you in the shower this morning."
Ben grins, remembering the things Michael's tongue can do. "That was great."
Michael laughs, also remembering their earlier adventures. Before he can open his mouth to protest again, Ben moves across the room and takes him in his arms, kissing him hard. Without another word, Ben pushes Michael towards the door.
Half an hour later, as they spread a blanket on the grass, clouds begin to creep overhead. Looking up, Ben silently curses. "Think it will rain?" he asks. His growing annoyance disappears the moment he looks at Michael, who is smiling broadly, trying not to laugh.
"Knowing our luck," Michael begins with a chuckle, "it will."
"Should we stay?"
"Just until it rains."
They run from the car to the door of their house, soaking. In the end, Michael and Ben had only stayed outside for another thirty minutes before the rain started. First, it was sprinkles of water on their skin and then soon they were being poured on.
Carrying the drenched blanket under his arm, Michael shoves the door open roughly, followed by Ben with the picnic basket, water dripping from it onto their floor. Ben kicks the door shut and unloads his arms. Taking a deep breath, he looks at Michael.
For some reason, Michael still finds the entire debacle deeply amusing and hasn't stopped grinning for the past half an hour. Ben isn't quite so forgiving of Mother Nature, but Michael's smile is infectious.
"What do you want to do now?" Ben asks.
"First, we get dry and change clothes. I don't want you getting sick," Michael says with a slight hint of command, as if telling Ben not to get sick will prevent such a thing from ever happening. "Then, we picnic."
"Oh?"
"Sure. Hunter's gone for the night; we have the whole house to ourselves. We can get the fire going and set everything up in the living area. Maybe light some candles."
The idea starts to sound quite appealing as Ben's mind begins to think of the advantage of being inside where they can have some privacy. A slow smile creeps onto his face.
Ben hands Michael a glass of wine and he toasts to the future. Underneath his words, behind Michael's eyes, there is a hint of sadness because they both know their future together is uncertain. Silence remains the best way to avoid letting negative thoughts ruin a happy day. Michael simply smiles and clinks his glass against Ben's and reminds himself to live in the now.
The food long forgotten, they lay curled up together watching the fire, and talk.
Since the very beginning of their relationship, Michael and Ben have always been good at talking. Except for the times when they weren't actually talking. The times filled with painful silence, not enough words and far too much distance. Still, Michael thinks they've gotten better with time. Now they refuse to let more than a day pass without sitting down to work out any problem or issue that arises. It's not always easy and sometimes it hurts, but it's better than one of them ending up sleeping on the couch for the night.
Now, they talk about the little things, like Hunter's latest crush and J.R.'s growing vocabulary, which leaves Michael continually amazed. They talk about the big things, like the first time they made love and their wedding day. They talk about life and going away on a holiday to Tibet some day, because it's still a dream of Ben's and Michael wants to make every dream of Ben's come true.
Ben tells Michael about the first time he kissed a girl and they both laugh as Ben recounts the story. Michael tells Ben about the first time he kissed a boy and how Brian sat him down for an hour picking every tiny detail of information from him. That's also the first time Brian and Michael had kissed - really, truly kissed with tongues down each other's throats and hands all over the place. After Michael had finally explained to Brian that, much to his embarrassment, his first kiss hadn't been great and mostly just clumsy, Brian had insisted on giving him a practical lesson on the matter.
Words from long ago and many times since, surface in Michael's mind. Brian, looking at him with that half grin of his, "You're so pathetic, Mikey."
Ben listens to the story with interest and a pang of envy. It's not jealousy because Ben knows he has no need to be jealous of Brian. He also knows despite all his years with Michael and all the long nights of talking, that Brian knows Michael in a way he cannot. Brian knows twenty years of history that Ben can never match.
Sometimes Ben wishes that he and Michael had known each other years before. Before he was infected with HIV, before Michael had his heart broken by David, before Brian had taken a piece of Michael's heart and kept it.
Ben is sure he is still the most goddamn lucky man in the world. Just as Brian knows parts of Michael Ben can never touch, Ben knows Michael in ways Brian can never comprehend.
He loves that he knows what Michael looks like first thing in the morning, the exact way he wakes up with his hair all over the place and the way rubs his eyes trying to wake himself up. He loves that he knows Michael's body better than anyone else, better than Brian does. Ben loves that the way Michael loves, because the way Michael loves - fully, completely and unconditionally - is the greatest gift he has ever received in his life.
Ben also loves that Michael confides in him. In this moment, Michael is speaking softly about the first time he and Ben met.
"You took my breath away." Michael says, fingers drawing light patterns on Ben's chest.
Ben laughs quietly. "I was impressed by your knowledge and intelligence." Michael scoffs and Ben looks at him. "What? Why is that so unbelievable? I'm always amazed by what you know."
"Okay, now you're just making stuff up."
"I am not." Ben moves onto his side, leaning on his elbow to better look Michael in the eyes. Gently, he cups Michael's cheek with his other hand. "The thing that amazes me the most is that you know me better than I know myself. You always know what to say to me, even if I don't know what I want to hear. You know when I need some space to myself and when I need you to just be there, even if I can't ask. I love that you know me so well. I don't think anyone else ever has."
Ducking his head slightly, Michael feels suddenly overwhelmed with emotion. He opens his mouth to say something, anything, but shakes his head instead. There are no words to describe how much he loves Ben, how grateful he is. He wishes that there was a way Ben could read his mind and just know. When he looks into Ben's eyes, he thinks that maybe Ben can see everything he wants to say, because everything he wants to say is reflected in Ben's eyes.
Leaning closer, Michael kisses Ben and pushes him onto his back. Rolling to lay on top of Ben, Michael continues to explore Ben's mouth with his tongue. Clothes are removed slowly and hands roam gently over heating flesh. There are no more words spoken that night. The house is filled only with the sounds of soft moans and breathy sighs of pleasure.
It's midnight and sleep is far away. The fire burns into ashes and outside the rain stops falling.