Michael's Agony and Ecstasy

Season 2: episodes 207-209; Michael's POV.

Michael stood there with the box of condoms in his hand. He looked up. There they were, Ben's meds. There were so many bottles. He went blank. He closed the mirror in time to see Ben, naked, walking up behind him. Ben put his arms around Michael's waist, pressing his warm and inviting body against Michael's back. Ben was willing Michael to respond. He kissed Michael gently and looked at him in the mirror.

Michael heard the words coming out of his mouth, but it was as if someone else said it.

Only moments ago, they had been on the sofa in Ben's apartment. Ben's kisses were so warm and inviting, Michael felt he could hardly wait.

Michael opened the medicine cabinet, there they were, THOSE DAMN MEDS. Michael thought . . . Oh, why did I go to get the condoms?

All Michael could hear ringing in his head were the lectures he had gotten from his mother, Ted and all his friends. They told him, it was too dangerous to date a man, who is positive. They had badgered him in every way. He fought for Ben, until he saw the meds in his bathroom. He became a coward and scared. He wondered if he could handle what could happen to Ben in the future.

Michael saw tears forming in Ben's eyes. Swallowing hard, Ben walked away without saying another word. Michael could see Ben's pain. He could not say anything to take it back. But, he wanted to take it BACK!!! Michael thought, It is too late.

The next few days were torture. Everywhere Michael went and everyone he saw made him think of Ben. Michael saw Ben in every face, even though he wasn't really there.

He tried to distract himself by going on some meaningless dates. Nothing worked. All he could think was, that he had to find a way to get Ben back.

The straw that broke the camel's back, came one night at Babylon. Michael was standing on one of the catwalks, watching everyone dance. He looked down, "DAMN." There was Ben dancing without his shirt on. Michael had to keep himself calm or he would have gone down the stairs and jumped him. Michael was so close to him and Ben didn't even see him.

Looking at his friend, Ted said, "You did the right thing, the guy is positive."

They left to go dance and Michael was alone. All he could do was stand there helplessly and watch Ben dance.

Michael allowed his imagination to run wild. He pictured that he was dancing in Ben's arms. They were so close, kissing and holding each other tight. He imagined that Ben was nibbling on his ear driving him to distraction . . . He would kiss Ben's shoulder, so muscular, firm and smooth. He imagined that their breathing would deepen to the point they would have to stop or end up ravaging each other right there on the dance floor. Michael shook his head bringing himself back to the present and reality. DAMN!!! It isn't real.

Michael went home that night alone and unfulfilled. He ached to be near Ben. He became even more determined to get Ben back. I just pray, I'm not too late.

The next morning Melanie, Lindsey, Brian and Michael were having breakfast at the diner.

"I can't get him out of my mind. He is all I think about and I can't stand it. I never should have listened to everyone."

"Michael, there must have been some truth to it, or you would have told us to go fuck ourselves." Melanie replied.

"If you want Ben back, go out and fucking get him." Brian said before getting up and leaving.

That was all Michael needed to hear. Now, all I have to do is think of a way to do it.

Michael decided that he needed to talk to Ben face to face. He hopped on his bicycle and went to Ben's apartment and waited. He waited, pacing for almost two hours. After a long while, he finally, saw Ben walking toward him. The sight of Ben took his breath away.

"To tell you the truth Ben, I've been walking up and down the street for two hours just waiting for you to come home."

Michael followed him up the stairs. He could barely breathe. Ben opened his apartment door and they walked in. It was all Michael could do, to keep from touching him. He wanted to hold him and kiss his warm and beautiful mouth.

"No thank you," he was busy staring at a Buddha statue on the counter. He rubbed his belly for luck thinking, Come on Buddha old buddy.

"Ben, I'm sorry about the other night. I let a lot of people's opinions influence me in my thinking, but when I saw your meds, I got scared. All I know, I have to be near you. Please can I have a second chance? I would really like to pick up where we left off."

"I can't allow myself to fall in love with someone, unless I know I can count on him to be there for me through everything. It's going to take more than a kiss, Michael. Sorry."

Michael's heart sank. He left Ben's apartment even more determined than ever to get him back. He started showing up everywhere Ben was. He waited for Ben outside his classes every day. He went to every activity he could to be near Ben. One Sunday, Michael found Ben out playing basketball with a group of his friends. He just stopped and watched Ben.

Michael thought, I am amazed at how beautiful and graceful he is. When Ben made a basket, his face glowed with excitement. It warmed Michael's heart and excited him at the same time.

Shrugging Michael said, "So, I don't know anything about basketball. In case you haven't noticed, I'm Queer."

One of the players left. Michael took the ball and wouldn't give it up until Ben promised to go out with him that night. Ben finally agreed to meet Michael at Woody's later.

Michael was so nervous that night, that he changed his shirt three times before he went off to Woody's.

Michael had to stop, and take in a deep breath to keep himself as calm as he could. Finally, when he felt a bit steadier, he got up, went over and hugged Ben.

Ben followed Michael to the table and sat down. He felt Ben sitting so close to him, yet he was still so far away. Everyone said, "Hi." Before anyone could say another word, Michael looked at every one.

"I'm hoping that Ben and I can get back together. Does anybody have a problem with that?"

Ben didn't say anything either. He just looked at Michael with those cool blue eyes. A moment later he stood up and started to leave. Michael looked puzzled.

Michael's heart almost stopped. He thought, I can't let Ben walk out of my life forever. How can I show him how much I want him and will always be there for him, no matter what?

He raced to the stage and grabbed the microphone and started to sing. Ben stopped in his tracks and turned around to watch him.

"Ben, the two of us need look no more. We've both found what we've been looking for. With a friend to call my own, I'll never be alone and you'll find my friend, you'll see you've got a friend in me."

Ben just stood there with a smile on his face. Michael was unsure what he should do. Ben motioned for him to come off the stage and go outside. Michael grabbed his coat and joined Ben at the door. They walked out together down the street talking.

Ben stopped and looking deeply into Michael's eyes he said, "I learned a lot about you the past couple of days."

Michael moved closer to Ben. Taking Ben's face in his hands, he kissed him with as much tenderness and passion as he could and still control himself. They pulled back looking at each other.

Smiling, Ben said, "OK, come over tomorrow and I will make you a dinner that will make you weep."

They walked off arm in arm, just talking and laughing together. Michael felt wonderful, just being near Ben. Breathing in Ben's scent was intoxicating to him. They just continued to walk, holding onto each other for few blocks.

Michael was sad and upset when the evening came to an end. Ben walked him to his door, kissing him tenderly. Taking in Michael's mouth, Ben's kiss became passionate. Michael responded with sounds of pleasure. All too soon the kiss was over and Ben left Michael there alone, with a lump in his throat. Michael needed to take a cold shower after that good-bye.

He was home alone when he heard a knock at the door. He opened it to find Ben standing there, looking as if he had not slept for days.

Michael put his arms around Ben. "Why don't we start by just talking and see if we can work things out?"

He moved closer to Ben and caught his lips in a tender kiss. Ben responded by putting his arms tightly around Michael's waist and pulling him closer. They continued their long kisses to the point of losing their breath. They pulled back to catch their breath. Ben looked longingly into Michael's sweet, loving brown eyes.

"I need to be near you too, Michael. I promise to always be careful. Please, come back to me."

Michael took Ben's hand and they walked toward his bedroom. He began taking Ben's shirt off and Ben did the same to him.

Michael took him in his arms and rubbed his warm body against Ben's. He noticed Ben was becoming as aroused as he was. They laid down on the bed face to face. They looked so deeply into each other's eyes. They got lost in the moment. Michael unwrapped the condom and put it on Ben's rock hard cock, then tenderly kissed Ben's lips. Ben took a deep breath and kissed Michael deeply and passionately.

With anticipation, Michael rolled over on his stomach. Ben started by kissing Michael on his shoulders and back. He followed Michael's spine down to his hips.

Ben found Michael's opening and inserted one finger, as Michael moaned with pleasure. Ben inserted a second finger getting an even deeper response from Michael. He removed his fingers and penetrated Michael with his hard cock. Michael groaned from sheer pleasure. This aroused Ben even more. He picked up the pace until Michael couldn't hold back any longer. They came at the same time. At that very moment, Michael woke up in a pool of cold sweat. He was unable to sleep the rest of the night.

The next day . . .

Michael was very excited. He couldn't wait to see Ben that night. He also came to the realization that his Mom was not going to like this at all. He remembered what she said to him that night in the kitchen. She didn't want him to see Ben ever again. She was afraid that Ben would infect him. Full of determination, Michael thought . . .I have to somehow show her that Ben is a wonderful person and a loving caring man. I will do whatever I have to, to keep Ben in my life.

That night . . .

Ben picked Michael up and they walked over to Debbie's house together. Michael was so nervous and so was Ben. He told Ben about his mother's opinion regarding his HIV.

"Please, don't let her get you upset; She can be too frank a lot of the time, but. If we can get her on our side, she will become our strongest ally."

"Don't worry about me, Michael. I'll be all right. I will take whatever she throws at me and stay calm, but you need to calm down before you jump out of your skin."

All of Michael's fears came true. Debbie was not on her best behavior that night. She was rude, insulting and basically ignored Ben the entire evening. The only time she even spoke to him was to grill him about his HIV. Michael was mortified. Ben took it all in stride. Michael loved Ben in that very moment. He wanted to crawl under the table and caress him in every way possible. He couldn't wait to leave his mother's house. It was the longest evening of his life.

Ben and Michael slowly walked back to Ben's apartment. They walked in total silence. Ben could feel Michael growing angrier with every step they took. He put his arm around Michael's waist and pulled him closer. They were so close he could feel Michael trembling. All he could think was that he had to find a way to help Michael calm down. He hated seeing him so hurt. Ben just wanted to pick him up in his arms and make the hurt go away.

When they finally got back to Ben's apartment, Michael was still so angry, his face was red.

"But they aren't dating her son. She's correct. You have the right to know everything. I'm OK now, but that doesn't mean I'll always be."

"Aren't you always telling me, we need to 'live in the Now'?" Ben looked at Michael lovingly. "That's what I'm always saying."

They looked deeply into each other's eyes as their lips came together. Their kiss was so tender and loving, neither wanted to let the other go.

Michael started to unbutton Bern's shirt. He stopped half way down his chest. He helped Ben pull his shirt off over his head. Ben's chest was so smooth and muscular. Michael kissed his shoulder. Taking his finger, he traced a line down to Ben's nipple, his lips followed. Kissing his nipples caused Ben to let out a groan of pleasure and desire. He pulled Michael even closer. They could feel each other's heart beating quickly and hard.

Ben kissed Michael's neck and shoulder moving his lips up and catching Michael's lips in a passionate heated kiss. They had to pull back, but only long enough to catch their breath. Michael pulled Ben even closer, never wanting to let him go.

Ben rubbed up against Michael, causing him to become hard. Ben's jeans suddenly became too tight. Michael couldn't get enough of Ben. They were both past the point of stopping, even if they wanted too.

Ben moved Michael closer to the bed. They continued to pull their clothes off until they were totally naked. Ben pulled Michael into a long embrace and kissed him with such passion that Michael felt weak in the knees.

Ben laid down on the bed and Michael climbed beside him. He looked lovingly at Ben, taking notice of every muscle and feature of his large, beautiful body. Michael thought to himself, Ben is so beautiful and he WANTS ME. He picked up a condom from the table beside the bed.

Ben suddenly put his had on Michael's chest, stopping him. "I want you to be very sure."

Words were no longer needed. Michael slid his body under Ben's strong and muscular frame, just watching him. He gently lifted Michael's legs to his shoulders. Ben played with him caressing his face, tracing Michael's jaw down to his neck with his lips. He continued kissing Michael down his chest, licking his nipples until they had completely contracted.

Ben thought to himself, Michael has to be the most loving man I have ever met. He is trusting me with his whole body and safety. At that moment, Ben knew that he loved Michael totally and completely.

His touch continued to drive Michael wild. He explored Michael's body, inching his way down to Michael's swollen cock. Michael winced with pain, but also with intense pleasure.

Ben slowly penetrated Michael, causing him to catch his breath. He stopped until Michael relaxed. Michael's thoughts were running wild . . .I have never felt such pain and pleasure at the same time in my life. He reached for Ben's lips. Ben responded by parting Michael's lips with his tongue. He probed Michael's mouth and tongue kissing him more deeply. Their kisses were in the same rhythm as Ben's penetrations, deep and slow. Michael got lost in Ben's body and passion. Their rhythm picked up pace with every moment.

Michael was afraid he would come too soon. Ben saw his concern and skillfully held him off, so they could come at the same time. Michael groaned with pleasure in Ben's grip. Ben groaned with his own pleasure, as they came together. A smile appeared on Michael's face and Ben knew he was totally satisfied. They made love all night hoping it would never end. It was perfect in every way.

The next morning Michael did not want to move from Ben's arms. He was in heaven. He propped himself up on his elbow, just watching Ben rest. Ben looked up into Michael's loving face as if to say, What?

"I want you to know that I told my mother that I loved you. I meant every word. Now I am telling you. Benjamin Bruckner, I LOVE YOU, with all my heart and soul. I never want to be without you again. Promise that we'll always work everything out together and be as happy as we are right now!"

Ben held Michael tightly to his chest. "I promise. We may have some rough patches along the way, but I promise never to leave you again."

End of "Michael's Agony and Ecstasy"
PA-Mado: madelyn1116@verizon.net
05/24/2008

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