PLEASE NOTE: Sections of this site may contain material unsuitable for minors. If you arrived at this page without reading the warnings and rating information on the main page, please review them before proceeding.

Pairing: McKay/Sheppard
Season: Sometime during S1
Episode: None
Rating: PG
Summary: you will know it when you find it

Notes: This grew from the comments I received from adafrog and sgatlantislight on my drabble Upon Stars. Namely: "that's sweet," and "so romantic." So this is all their fault. Yes it is.

oc_pixie, however, is responsible for the Hair and Ford slouching.

I do not know anything about Agni, Hindu god of fire, or about Hinduism itself. I just liked the name so I borrowed it. All references to Agni in this story are the product of my imagination, and any resemblance to any existing religious customs, beliefs or texts are purely coincidental.

My fondest thanks to Sheila for the beta and encouragement.


Crossed Wires

by Night Spring


Look ye into the fire; in fire shall all things be told.
For all things rise from fire, and to fire they shall return.

"So what am I looking for?" John frowned.

"You will know it when you find it," the Agni priest intoned.

"Ah," John nodded sagely. He looked.


Rodney jumped as John planted a big wet one full smack on his lips.

"Yech." He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "You're going to be so sorry tomorrow."

"Sorry? Nah. No' sorry. I'll be sober, and you'll still be... you."

Rodney stared at John's loopy grin. "Yeah, you wish," he muttered.

"Don' believe me? Jus' wait. Y'll see..." John sniffled into Rodney's shoulder. And promptly began to snore.

"Yick. You better not drool."

Rodney cradled John's head and shifted them down to lie on the narrow bedding, and watched the stars fall from the Agni sky.


Oh, god. Cold.

Rodney groped blindly for the blanket. His hand snagged soft wool, but when he gave it a tug, an unruly tangle of arms, legs and wild spiked hair came rolling with it.

Ew. Alcohol-laden morning breath. Yech.

He tried to shove John away, but John had made like octopus, giving Rodney no room for leverage. Well, at least he was warm now, Rodney thought, taking carefully shallow breaths through his mouth.

John's weight draped soft and heavy over his body, and the thin bedding wasn't enough for his back.

It would hurt like hell come morning.


Rodney groaned as a sharp elbow poked his stomach as the half-human mass curled alongside him levered off the bedding and proceeded to emit pitiful low moans while gingerly cradling its head. With a put-upon sigh, Rodney scrambled up and grabbed the water canteen, automatically unscrewing the top before handing it over, and watched as John took deep long swallows, water trickling down the curves of his throat. Then John lowered the canteen and swiped the back of his hand across his mouth, lips curling into a slow smile as his eyes found Rodney.

Fuck. He was so screwed.


"Anything?"

John was too close, breath too warm and soft against Rodney as he leaned in to peek at the scanner.

"No, not yet," Rodney snapped. "Get out of my light, will you?" He shoved his way out from under John's arm.

John slouched against the wall, pouting.

"Oh, please," Rodney sighed. "Don't tell me you're bored."

"Fine, I won't tell you."

"Oh, god. Go, amuse yourself." Rodney waved a dismissive hand. Following the scanner's energy readings, he knelt to study a panel set low in the wall. Now that was... well... interesting...

"Anything?" John breathed in his ear.


He'd traded a scourge for a pestilence, and he only had himself to thank.

The idea had seemed brilliant at the time. Send John and Teyla back to the Agni settlement to negotiate the stationing of a full science team to study the ruins. Continue his survey in unmolested peace.

Now, instead of a Sheppard pasted to his back, he had Ford. Sheppard, at least, did not vibrate, and he kept his mouth mostly shut. Sure, he'd been distracting as hell, but his attention had been... well... one could get used to that. Ford, however...

"Hey, Doc! What's this?"


Ow. Damn. Head. Hurts.

"The Lieutenant appears to be regaining consciousness, Major," Teyla said.

"So's Rodney," John said, from off somewhere to the side. "Come on, McKay. Up and at 'em."

"Oh, god," said a strangely familiar voice. "What happened?"

Rodney blinked. He struggled to sit up, Teyla's sure hands coming around immediately to support him.

"Ugh," he croaked, then stopped. That wasn't his voice, was it? He raised his hand to rub his face -- and stared at the dark hand stopped halfway in the air.

"Oh, my god," said the now definitely familiar voice. "What's happened to me?"


"I do not need to be sitting here, undergoing more of your voodoo," Rodney spat out. "I need to be on Agni, figuring out how to reverse this."

"Patience, lad." Carson continued fiddling with yet another voodoo medical device. "I just need to make sure you and the Lieutenant aren't suffering any ill effects from this... transference."

"Effects?" Rodney yelled. "Isn't it enough that I'm in this body," he waved a hand at his -- no, Ford's -- body, "and he's in mine?" He flung a hand at Ford in the next bed.

God, his mouth wasn't that crooked, was it?


"Come on, Rodney. You need to rest."

"I'll rest when I have the time, thank you."

"Rodney..."

"I really, really do not want to get stuck in this body. Not that there's anything wrong with it or anything, but I like my body."

"Yeah, I know. I do too."

"Huh? You like my body?"

"Well, I kissed you, Rodney. Remember?"

"I... wasn't sure you did. Huh."

"Rodney?"

"It's just... I... I never thought you'd like my body."

"What, you think I like you for your winning personality?"

"I have a great personality, I'll have you know."

"Yeah, Rodney. You do."


Ouch. Damn it. Head. Hurts.

"Ow! What the hell?" said Ford.

Wait a moment, Ford?

"Major, are you well?" Teyla's face hovered worriedly in front of his eyes.

"Uh... over here," called Ford -- no, that had to be John. Which meant...

Rodney slowly raised his hand and touched -- yup. Hair.


"Okay." John tilted his -- Ford's -- face. "Why do we need Teyla?"

And god, that was so freaky, Ford slouching.

"Because. Yes, I can swap with Ford -- me," Rodney shrugged at Ford, standing attentively to the side -- and his body that straight -- oh god, please. No. "But that will leave you and Ford in each other's bodies. And since we don't know how the device keeps track of past transferences..."

"...there's a chance it won't allow swapping again between two same bodies," John concluded. "Okay. So, if Teyla doesn't mind?"

"So..." Ford cleared his throat. "I switch with Teyla?"


A few dizzying rounds of musical bodies later, everyone was safely settled in their own bodies, and Rodney congratulated himself for avoiding a stopover in Teyla's body. All John would say about the experience was, "Interesting."

They never did figure out how the device actually worked, but it obviously followed the same principle as Ma'chello's. Thank god he'd read and remembered every SG-1 mission report.

Finally escaping Carson's evil clutches, Rodney hurried to his room. His body. Pudgy, balding, citrus-allergic, hypertensive, but gloriously all his! Yes, his! Humming tunelessly, he opened his door and bounced through.

"Hi," said John.


"Major?" Rodney did not squeak.

What was John doing in his room, and how did he get in? Wait, this was his room, right? Right. And John was right there, his eyes full with things Rodney dared not name, alight with questions he dared not face.

"Major, what...?"

"You know," John said, pressing close. "What with everything, I never told you about my vision."

"Vision? That purification ritual the Agni had you do?"

"Yes, that." John's fingers seared as he gently tilted Rodney's face.

"And what about it?"

John's lips were soft, and Rodney closed his eyes, and saw.


In the beginning, there was fire.

Fire begat wind, wind begat clouds, clouds begat water, and water fell to earth and gave rise to all living things.

When Agni breathed soul into all living things, it was decreed each soul shall seek its mate, that together they might be fertile and multiply. They shall share joy and comfort, hardship and despair; their hope and dreams shall be as one, as will their trials and labor.

Look ye into the fire; in fire shall all things be told.
For all things rise from fire, and to fire they shall return.

~from the Song of Agni~


Back to Index