by Viridian5
Vic stopped tapping his foot and looked up from his papers.
"What?"
"He likes you."
The situation forced Vic to remember his high school years. All
Mac needed was to be blowing bubbles and snapping his gum. Vic
had hated his teen years and didn't appreciate the reminder.
Vic looked around to make sure that the research analyst in
question hadn't been in hearing distance, then said, "I'm eminently
likeable."
"Don't worry, he's not here." Mac moved in a little closer to
breathe on Vic. "And I don't like you."
"You're not normal."
Mac leaned back in his chair and balanced a pen on his upper lip.
Vic tried to not notice what a nice upper lip it was even as he tried
not to hope Mac would overbalance and fall over.
"I bet he lives with his mother," Mac said. "I bet he's actually a
serial killer. 'Come into my kitchen, Victor?'"
"The Director encourages her employees to get a hobby." Drop it,
Mac.
"I'm glad I'm not the one he fixated on. It's the quiet, twitchy ones
you have to watch out for."
"'Fixated'?" Why do you have to be such an asshole at times?
Vic stood, stretched, and walked toward the shelves.
"Where are you going?"
"I forgot to ask Nathan for the rest of the waterfront addresses. I'll
find him and get them."
"Ask him if he can do anything else for you while he's at it,"
Mac called after him. Vic halfheartedly flipped him off.
Mac grinned. Sometimes Vic was just too damned easy. I knew
attacking Nathan would set you in motion. Doesn't being defender
of the downtrodden ever get to you? Oh, hell, you get off on it.
Mac pretended to be studying his files for the benefit of any nearby
cameras, but he was actually happily anticipating the fallout. 'He
likes you.' Riiight. Vic's a sweet lug but far from subtle, while
Nathan's just a grabby and badly socialized geek. Poor little guy
may faint from the shock.
Wait, it could get very messy.
Mac wondered whether ending his boredom would really be worth
some of the repercussions, now that he saw them. Damn. But it's
too late to call him back, and me running after Vic now wouldn't
help; it'd just make this into a bad comedy skit. I guess I have to
hope that Nathan is glued together better than he seems to be.
Victor didn't think Nathan had gone up to the second floor; at least,
he hoped not. The first floor was challenge enough, with high
shelves that seemed to go on forever, much further than they
should have. Like anything about this building should surprise
me anymore. How the hell do I get out of here? I don't even see
the table anymore, and I swear I walked in a straight line.
Something about the dust, dimness, and isolation like a tomb
discouraged full voice, so Victor whispered, "Nathan? You in
here?" No answer. "I went looking for you and got lost."
"It can be a bit confusing at first," Nathan said right behind him,
almost exploding his heart.
"Don't do that."
"Sorry. Can I help you with anything?"
Nathan looked exactly the way he always looked: thin and twitchy,
as fragile and sharp as a wounded bird, with hair that willfully
spiked out any way it wanted to and a nervous, watery sheen to his
face. He'd always reminded Vic of David Thewlis in The Island
of Doctor Moreau. That's damned sad. The attitude of torment,
I mean, not looking like David Thewlis, looking like Thewlis is
more than fine... I'm babbling.
Nathan's eyes had their usual avid gleam, that look as if they
catalogued and connected everything they saw, combined with the
awe he reserved for Vic and the Director, two of the world's
shadow leaders. Though hell if I know how he decided I had a
seat with the cabal. Sure, I'd confirmed that I was so I could pry
the data I needed out of him, but how did he decide it in the first
place?
Vic had no reason to think those eyes expressed lust. Mac's
toying with me again, the bastard.
"Actually—" Actually, Mac was being incendiary and getting on
my nerves till I wanted to punch him. Note to self: Kick his ass
when I get back. Actually, I was wondering if you did "like" me.
It's okay; I realize you don't. Actually, I was looking for any
excuse to get away from the statistics for a while. "—I'm ready to
tackle names L-S and had to get the files."
Nathan looked nervous and a bit suspicious. "But you could have
waited for me to get back."
Damn, I set off his conspiracy radar. Now, what? Time to make
sure I never feel tempted to do this again. "I wanted to know
what you've heard lately. It wasn't the sort of thing I could ask in
front of Mac." I deserve whatever comes next for letting Mac
get me.
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"Well, everything is as it has been. No one has challenged the
Queen Mother's authority; he who controls sugar still rules the
world; the bug creatures are still on the march; the aliens are
continuing their plans for conquest; and Alex Trebek still reigns
supreme, though not benevolently."
"What was that about Trebek?"
"Have you seen the contemptuous way he shoots you down if you
don't answer with the exact question he wants? He's like that in
everything." Then Nathan became even more nervous, seeming to
think Vic was upset. "Did I miss something?"
Oh, yeah, I'm supposed to know all of this. "No, not really."
"Oh, wait, Jackie O is back from the dead."
"She faked her death?"
"No, she came back from the dead."
"Back from the— Are you saying she's a zombie now?" Vic closed
his eyes and shook his head. He's a total loony.
After a long silence, Vic opened his eyes and saw a slight,
awkward smile on Nathan's face. "It was a joke, Victor. I know
zombies aren't real."
As opposed to aliens and bug creatures? Wait, is he joking with
me? It changed things a bit.
Then Nathan looked a bit nervous. "Right?"
"Of course." You need serious help.
Nathan seemed to be uncomfortable under Victor's scrutiny and
looked away to reach for a file. "Here are the files you wanted."
As Vic took the folder, he realized that Nathan didn't look quite
the same. It was something in the eyes, something Vic had seen in
the mirror... The thought of seeing something of himself—even if
he wasn't sure what that something was—in Nathan surprised him.
Nathan's hands rested at his sides, but his long fingers twitched a
little, as if they wanted to move but kept reminding themselves
they shouldn't. Usually he manhandled Vic in his enthusiasm with
some new odd theory, grabbing an available arm with a strength
one wouldn't suspect from that gaunt body. Could be the insanity
at work... Am I actually missing that? Maybe not the being
clutched part, exactly, but the fire, the focus... on me? Now he
was subdued, a bit haunted looking.
Victor now recognized what he saw today. Loneliness. A longing.
I should recognize them; I see them every day in the mirror. He
looks like he's hoping someone realizes that he really needs a hug.
Have they always been in him, but I never noticed until Mac made
me look? Or is he different today? Maybe it's a little of both.
Then Nathan looked down. "I do live with my mother, you
know. She needs me."
He heard that? "Mac's just being his usual, charming self.
Ignore him; I do." Wait, did he hear everything?
"I know. I'm used to it. It's okay."
He didn't sound okay with it. "Your mother is ill?"
Even as Vic sighed at the hard luck story to come and his certain
reaction to it, he couldn't help being surprised by the thought of
Nathan having a life away from the office, then feeling guilty for
being surprised. It wasn't fair to see the research analyst as just a
particularly colorful furnishing.
"She can't do for herself, so I've taken care of her since... since
forever. She can't leave the house."
"That's very sweet of you."
Nathan shrugged, but his eyes shone a little. "She's my mother."
The new picture of Nathan clicked into place, an image of love,
devotion, and self-sacrifice with a quiet boy taking care of his
bedridden mother. It explained some things. And hit more than a
few of Vic's buttons. I am predictable.
"Is there anything I could do to help?" Then Vic thought of what
Nathan might believe a world ruler could do. "I can't heal your
mother or anything, but I mean, maybe there was something else I
could do."
"I know." Nathan looked like he wanted to ask something but
remained quiet.
"You can ask."
"Well, I was wondering if you could just come over to tell her that
I'm going out tonight. She knows I'm at work all day, and that's
fine with her, but she feels that my nights are all hers." Nathan got
a panicked look. "Not that you'd have to take me out to dinner
or anything. Just, maybe she'd let me have a few hours off if you
brought it up to her."
"Let"? As the picture took on an entirely different cast, Victor
felt a low rumble of anger. Nobody could hurt you like family.
"Sure, I would. In fact... I'll take you out. Just to eat." The thought
of Nathan in the bar boggled the mind, so Vic asked, "What are
you in the mood for?"
Nathan all but glowed. "Anything; I'm not picky."
The glow made it worth it. "When do you get off work?"
"Eight. Oh, thank you, Vic." The smile changed his whole face.
"Eight, then." When Victor walked out into the main room again,
he quirked an eyebrow at Mac. Anyone who didn't know Mac
would see an oasis of bored calm, but he could tell that his partner
was about to explode into a thousand pieces any second.
"So, how did it go?" Mac asked, very casually.
"I have the files I needed."
"Uh-huh. And Nathan?"
"I didn't ask him about it." When Mac started to breathe normally
again, Vic said, "Though I am taking him to dinner tonight."
If Nathan's smile hadn't already been reward enough, the sight of
Mac almost falling out of his chair would have made up the
difference.
Victor parked his pickup truck in front of a house that looked
completely ordinary. "I don't think this should take too long,"
Nathan said, though he twisted the edge of his coat in his hands.
"We walk in, you tell her I'll be out for a few hours, then we
leave."
"What's she sick with?"
"It's not like that. She's agoraphobic and can't even leave her
room. At least she has her own small kitchen and bathroom there."
Nathan turned on the light after he opened the door.
"NATHAN!!!" a woman shrieked.
Vic shuddered. That voice could peel paint off the wall. The chips
would then cry something like, "Yipe! yipe! yipe!" as they fled
under the furniture for cover.
Victor had a _Psycho_ flashback when he couldn't help wondering
if Nathan was throwing his voice, creating a "Mother" for himself
no real person could sound that frightening, but a hand came out
of an open hatch in a nearby door. "NATHAN! DO YOU HAVE
SOMEONE OVER?" Victor had to look away.
While there wasn't anything Victor could put his finger on exactly,
the house was decorated like someone's parents' house. It had been
done completely in shades of old beiges, browns, and russets, and
he wondered if Nathan deliberately dressed in the same shades to
match it. Not that it would surprise him to find out that this house
had a subliminal influence. Despite its large size, it induced a
feeling of claustrophobia. All the furnishings seemed to be just
slightly askew, while the lines and angles seemed subtly wrong.
Only the papers pinned up here and there seemed to belong to
Nathan. Scraps and complete sheets of notebook and typing paper
filled with writing and print had been posted up in what seemed to
be a pattern.
"N—Yes, Mother!"
"YOU KNOW I HATE COMPANY, NATHAN! THEY SCARE
ME."
Vic called back, "Mrs." Then he softly asked Nathan, "What's your
last name?"
"Muckle."
"You're kidding me."
"No."
"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?"
Vic shouted, "My name is Victor Mansfield, Mrs. Muckle, and I'm
one of your son's supervisors. We need him to stay later, but he
wanted to come back to make sure you'd be okay first!"
"I'M NEVER OKAY, NATHAN!"
"Is there anything you need, though? I could go shopping,"
Nathan shouted.
"YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE!"
Victor tried to imagine what his life would have been like if his
father had behaved as abusively as he had but had also suffered
from an illness he could use as a guilt manacle on his son. At
least I felt like I could leave.
Despite his rage, Victor's sudden grip on Nathan's arm was gentle.
The research analyst deserved so much better than this. "We're
going."
"But she—"
"We're going." Victor pulled Nathan out of the house, shut the
door behind them, and rushed to the pickup. Once outside, the
feeling of being slowly crushed faded.
Nathan had an odd little smile on his face. "You lied to her, then
you defied her." But the glee faded. "She'll kill me."
"How can she if she can't leave the room?"
"She threatens to yell at me non-stop till I walk in and take my
punishment."
Vic shuddered. "I'd surrender too. But, if you're going to get
killed anyway, you might as well have a good time. Ready for
dinner?"
Victor watched Nathan study the diner menu with an intensity
people usually reserved for far more important things. At least that
bright-eyed focus had been taken off of him. It made him nervous
no matter how many times he tried to convince himself it was just
Nathan being a good listener. Remember, he's been sporadically
socialized. He didn't mean to be eyeing you like you're the catch
of the day.
"You know what you want yet?" Vic asked.
"It all looks good. I don't eat much anyway."
No kidding. Looking at him, I want to tie him to a chair and
force-feed him soup until I think I've done some good. "You
have to get something. Our waitress is heading over again."
"What are you having?"
"Hamburger."
Nathan closed the menu. "I'll have that, too." As he neatly and
precisely placed his on top of Vic's at the end of the table, he said
to himself, "I really have to go grocery shopping."
"I could drive you there after this."
Nathan looked almost horrified. "I couldn't ask that—"
"You didn't; I offered." Vic smiled slightly. "I command it."
"Oh, thanks then. I just have a gallon of milk and a can of black
olives at home. I took care of Mother's, but I forget for myself
sometimes."
After they ordered, they sat in companionable silence for a while.
Nathan watched everything with wide, interested eyes. Maybe
"nothing" really had been going on in his personal world of lunatic
conspiracies, because he usually had bubbled over by now,
regaling Vic with tales of a thousand bizarre connections. Or
maybe he thought Vic didn't want to hear about them. His usual
innocent, enthusiastic aggression had been replaced with a shy
passivity, and Vic wondered if Nathan thought this was what being
on good behavior for company was all about.
Am I missing being manhandled by him?
Nathan wasn't quite sane, but seeing his home life had forced Vic
to see how badly, violently insane he could have gone. If it had
been my life, would I have been able to channel it into something
harmless? I doubt it. I'd probably be keeping choice bits of my
victims in the freezer. Nathan hurt no one, meant well, and did
excellent work. Vic decided to tell the others to lay off him.
Once the food arrived and Nathan started to eat, he relaxed a bit
and began to talk. "Tell me about what you do during the day?
When you're not looking up things."
I could humor him. "There are some things I can't talk about to
anyone."
"I know that. I mean the rest."
Victor couldn't help smiling. "People try to kill me all day."
"Every day?"
"Every day."
Nathan obviously couldn't see why from the rather cute look of
outrage on his face. "Then why do you do it?"
"I'm saving the world, Nathan. And she doesn't give me much
of a choice."
"Oh, she. You don't disobey her."
"Not if you want to keep living. What do you do, usually?"
Nathan smiled a little. "You're so polite."
"No, really."
"Other people don't find my work interesting."
"But you do."
"It is." Nathan waved his burger around a little to punctuate his
points. "People leave numerous paper trails just by living, and
those entwine with other people's... Every number and entry tells a
story. It's like we all leave a legacy, and we're all connected. I
find it comforting."
"So the binding force in the universe is bureaucracy?"
"It's inescapable, so you might as well make it a force for good."
Having finished the burger, Nathan started on his fries with an
appetite he'd claimed he didn't have. "It must be boring for you,
though. You can admit it. You're always stretching and fidgeting
at the table. You're probably not happy unless you're out in the
field. Moving."
"For me, the research is boring but necessary."
But Nathan's thoughts were elsewhere. "Outside all the time..."
Victor wondered what kind of fears and worldview an agoraphobic
mother might pass on to her son. It could explain Nathan's
contentment with a job that kept him in a dark, windowless area
underground.
"What?" Vic finally asked after Nathan had spent five minutes lost
deep in his own personal world.
"Just imagining what you do on assignment. Besides stopping
people from killing you." Nathan looked down at his plate and
seemed surprised to see it empty. "I'm still hungry."
Victor almost laughed at the pride he felt. Silly. I'm just feeding
him, and he's just eating... But he couldn't help thinking a little
good company could work wonders for Nathan and his appetite.
"The apple and lemon meringue pies are especially good here."
"The lemon sounds good."
Victor followed, bemused, as Nathan planned his attack on the
supermarket. The research analyst had inspected the circular for
bargains, integrated the information into his own mental list of
what he'd come to buy, and used the data to chart their course
through the aisles.
While no one looked healthy under those white lights, Nathan had
begun to look a bit more robust as soon as he'd started to eat his
burger almost two hours ago. He seemed happier, and that made
Vic happier, who currently wanted little more than to see him
flinch less and smile more.
For all the good that'll do when I bring him back home. With his
mother constantly yelling for him in that voice, it's no wonder he
always looks like he's expecting something terrible to happen to
him any moment. I'd be twitchy too. Victor pushed those
thoughts aside for later, when he would have to deal with them.
For now...
Surreal as the night had been, Victor decided that he was having a
pretty good time, even if his companion for the evening was
muttering under his breath about the ways a change in the price of
bananas indicated a power struggle among the ranks of the secret
cabal that ruled the world. He appreciated even the occasional fits
of awkward silence; it was so real in a way so little of his life
had been since the frame-up, as if his life had taken a turn into
movieland with that grand betrayal and odd second chance. Sort of
like "The Rise and Fall and Fall of a Good Cop." It would be
one of those really nasty comedies that took its main kind of humor
from trapping its unfortunate protagonist in one unlikely, lunatic
scenario after another.
God, I have to suck it in. Cheer up. I can always sit alone and
maudlin in my apartment again tomorrow night. If I feel like it.
Vic noticed Mac standing a few aisles away gesturing him over.
"I'll be right back, Nathan; I just have to check on something."
Engrossed in the secret signs a bag of sugar held for the initiated,
Nathan hadn't noticed Mac. "Sure."
Vic stalked over and hissed, "What are you doing here? Are you
stalking me?"
"It's really easy to track your pickup, especially when one is part of
a secret government—"
"You're stalking me. Why are you here?"
"Vic, I was just being snarky about Nathan to pull your chain. I
even like the little guy. A bit. Anyway, I bow to your innate
decency as a human being. I'm impressed. You can end your
mercy date with him now."
"It's not," Vic had to lower his voice, "not a date. We were
two coworkers eating out together."
"And going grocery shopping together? Victor, you looked
downright domestic a moment ago."
"Mac, what's this really about? What are you—"
"Nothing." Mac put on a big, fake grin. "Nothing at all."
"Mac..."
"You sure you don't want me to manufacture an assignment to get
you out of this?"
What is going on in that head? He looks disappointed and...
scared. "Positive."
"Your loss. See you tomorrow." As he walked away, Mac said,
"Your date is leaving."
"What?"
Nathan had already made it through the checkout counter and
started to pick up his eight bags. Instead of wasting time
wondering how Nathan could move so quickly, Vic went over to
help carry the groceries.
"I can carry—"
How? Four on each thin wrist? "Let me take a few."
"You shouldn't; you're—"
"I do what I like."
Nathan looked a little overwhelmed, then happy. "Okay."
They sat in silence in the pickup, just as they had for the five
previous minutes. Nathan just stared at his house and tightened his
death grip on the handle of the nearest grocery bag. Finally, he
started to shake a little, just a slight quivering.
It broke Vic's heart. "Nathan—"
"I just need another moment. I'm tired, that's all."
"You don't want to go back in there, do you?"
Nathan crumpled in on himself and looked away. Victor swept
him into a hug without even thinking about it, intent on making the
hurt go away. But he knew there was nothing he could really do,
so he just held the other man and let him shake.
This is entirely selfless... isn't it? That house had spooked the
hell out of Victor, while its inhabitant had brought back memories
he still tried and failed to bury. Giving a Nathan a hug was like
giving himself one, both the younger self he had been and the man
he was now. But giving and receiving comfort is a good thing.
He's not trembling as much anymore.
The thought of sending Nathan back there ate at Vic's soul, but he
didn't know what else they could do. Doing the right thing wasn't
always easy, but Nathan's situation seemed to involve an
intolerable level of self-sacrifice. Nathan apparently wasn't the
type of person who could abandon a family member who couldn't
survive on her own, no matter that she seemed to see him as a
personal slave, there to be abused.
Nathan turned his head into Victor's neck, brushing surprisingly
soft hair against bare skin. From the way it spiked out, Victor had
assumed it would be coarser somehow, but instead it felt as silky
and fine as feathers.
It was getting uncomfortable leaning over like this, and Victor
missed the bench seats pickup trucks used to have. Crossing the
no man's land between the two bucket seats involved more
stretching than anyone should have to do. Just another sign of
people drifting further apart in our modern world.
"You're not ready to go home yet. How about I take you to my
place for a little while?" Vic asked as he pulled back.
"I shouldn't." But Nathan looked strongly tempted.
"Just long enough for you to collect yourself a little more."
"O—okay."
The lock opened with that tiny, sweet click that Mac never lost his
taste for. Victor had changed his lock again, but surely the former
cop couldn't be so naive that he'd believed that could stop a master
thief. Maybe he just has to feel like he's doing something. It's
so cute... He closed and locked the door behind him.
Jackie, ever the person most likely to be doing surveillance on the
Director's orders, had told Mac that Vic had turned on the lights
and checked his bed immediately on returning home for three
weeks after Mac's last visit. Poor guy didn't seem to realize that
Mac preferred to let his prey calm down, become complacent
again, before striking another time.
This would be fun.
The plan hadn't gone quite as Mac had originally intended, but
surely Vic would be worn down after his date—sorry, friendly
dinner—with Nathan. He'll be putty in my hands. Tired, he still
gets annoyed, but he's so much more permissive.
I still can't believe he took Nathan out to prove something to
me!
Victor's apartment had always struck Mac as being strangely cozy.
His own was stark, chilly, and minimalist, revealing only what he
wanted people to see. He felt it suggested he had a control over his
life he only wished he had. But Vic's provided an open doorway
to his mind and soul, showed everything in its comfortable
furnishings and clutter, belongings scattered out in the open.
Doesn't he know that anyone could break in at any time and find
out everything about him?
The first time Victor had seen Mac's apartment, he'd smiled a little
and called it retro modern, the image of what people used to think
the future would look like. No malice had been in that statement,
but it had pricked Mac none the less. He's calling me old-
fashioned? He'd later retaliated by dismissing Vic's apartment
on first sight as the "home of a man who wanted to believe in
love." It may have been an odd phrase, but it been the only thing
that had leapt to mind. He'd liked the apartment too much to think
of something better.
Vic had answered, "And that's wrong because...?" Mac hadn't
been able to find a reply to that.
Victor never failed to confuse and intrigue Mac. The ex-cop was
exactly what he seemed. Except when he wasn't. Trying to
reconcile the sweet, chivalric man who could be used as a doormat
with the violent one who'd gotten off on watching McCoy break a
suspect during questioning or the prissy law-abider with the
operative who got such a kick out of breaking and entering could
be a full-time job.
Mac found the bed in the dark and sat in lotus position to wait.
Jackie had told him that Vic had stopped turning on the lights
before settling into bed a week ago.
He smiled as he heard the front door open. The smile died as he
heard Nathan say, "It's so warm here."
"Warm?" Vic asked.
"Not temperature wise, just... I don't know. I like it."
"Let me put your groceries away for now, at least the ones that
need to be refrigerated."
He can't mean to— But I w— This wasn't meant to— This
can't be happening. He can't be thinking what I think he's
thinking.
Mac tried to breathe past the hole in his chest. This wouldn't be
happening right now if I hadn't pushed him. And now he
couldn't leave, just sit quietly and wonder if it would make things
better or worse if they came into the bedroom and found him.
Victor patted the cushion next to him. "Have a seat."
Nathan obeyed without a word, and Vic once again found himself
missing the other man's usual, unthinking grabbiness. The
research analyst still looked a bit shocky, so he pulled him in close
for a half-hug and stroked gentling circles on the arm beneath his
fingers. Nathan sighed and snuggled a bit. It felt good.
"I have family problems too, you know," Vic said.
"Really?" Nathan sounded a little too innocent.
"You already know about it." Does everyone read my file?
"I'm paid to know things, and I get bored all by myself sometimes.
And I wanted to know you better." Nathan squirmed. "You don't
have to tell me if you don't want, but what's it like to run away
from home?"
Would it be better to talk about it finally? Probably not. "It was
hard. Leaving and then surviving. I worked after school and saved
some money to make it a bit easier, but then I left ahead of
schedule anyway when Dad— I didn't really have a choice, and I
wasn't in the same situation you're in."
"Yeah." It came out as a whisper. "I used to think about running
away until I realized I couldn't do it." Nathan seemed to come to
some kind of decision; Victor could feel it in the straightening of
the body under his arm. "I do like you. Everyone does."
Vic deflected thoughts of how Nathan meant "like" by asking,
"Everyone, hunh?"
"Sure. You're always helping people, and you're so kind." But
Nathan's lips twitched a little.
"Out with it."
"What?"
"You're not saying something."
Nathan smiled a little, ruefully. "I remember waiting out in the sun
all afternoon in a yellow raincoat while carrying a watermelon,
waiting for someone to tell me he was a red rooster so I could tell
him I wanted to be a Shriner."
Surprised, Vic laughed. The guilt arrived a moment later. "I'm
sorry, but you wouldn't give me the data I needed any other way.
Besides, I just said a 'melon;' you could have held something
smaller, like a honeydew. I can't believe you did that."
"You looked honest, and I trusted you. I still trust you."
God, he does. Totally.
Vic didn't know how to answer that. He couldn't say that there
had been a moment when he'd decided to pull Nathan onto his lap.
He had no idea who moved forward for a kiss first or if they'd both
done it at the same time. All he knew was that he couldn't imagine
stopping.
Nathan tasted of tart lemon and frothy sweetness from that earlier
piece of pie. Their tongues tangled in a slow dance. He seemed to
lose every hint of awkwardness in Vic's arms, becoming sleek and
pettable. He rocked, and Vic's hips bucked. Then one of Nathan's
hands rubbed that spot at the back of Vic's neck, sending a coil
of pleasure through him that turned him boneless and startled a low
moan from his lips. His thoughts scattered.
Nathan pulled back a little, looking worried and a little afraid.
"Did I hurt you?"
Vic responded by pushing his neck back and rubbing into those
thin, long-fingered hands and simultaneously hauling Nathan's
mouth back to his. "Please don't stop," he moaned.
Something crashed in the bedroom, and Vic had his gun out
instantly. Nathan fell backward to the floor. Vic put a finger to his
lips to quiet him before getting all the way up to investigate. Gun
ready, he opened the door slowly and turned on the light. Nothing.
One of his lamps had fallen over, but he saw no signs of an
intruder. He opened the closet and checked under the bed but still
saw no one. Usually, thugs in his apartment attacked by now. It
seemed to be safe.
Victor walked back out and saw Nathan leaning against the wall
with his eyes closed. He shivered a little. "I'm sorry," Nathan
said. "This was a bad idea."
Victor put a hand to Nathan's face and watched him lean into the
touch. His eyes opened a little to reveal pupils dilated so far they
almost devoured all color. Trust, love, and want, all the things
Victor had been hoping for, searching for, right there.
"I wish you wouldn't go," Victor said softly.
"I wish... I wish that too."
"Let me do this?" Victor kissed him again and sighed at the feel of
the back of his neck being kneaded. Bless him for paying
attention.
Victor went to his knees and started to unfasten the khaki pants.
Before Nathan could start to protest, Vic applied a long lick to the
hard cock bobbing before him. He took the shivery exhalation of
breath as encouragement and stroked the throbbing flesh with his
tongue for a while before drawing it in as deeply as he could. He
milked it hard and sighed at the hands on his head trying so
desperately to be gentle.
That sigh against his cock seemed to push Nathan to the edge.
"Vic, I'm going to—" he choked as he tried to pull away, but he
had his back against the wall.
Victor held on tightly to stop Nathan from getting away or bucking
too hard and took it all. He licked Nathan clean before standing up
for a kiss.
Only the wall and Victor's grip seemed to be keeping Nathan
upright. "Vic, let me do something for you."
Vic leaned in, enjoying the warmth and closeness. "You don't
have to."
"Please."
Nathan unfastened Victor's jeans and pulled the boxers aside
before reaching in to stroke, alternating light, teasing touches with
harder pulls. The mix of hesitance and unexpected knowledge—
along with Nathan whispering, "I love you," into his hair—brought
Vic over quickly, with a low moan as he came.
They rested against the wall. Victor, drugged with satisfaction and
the solace of touch, found it hard to even think of moving, even as
he realized that they were starting to stick together. While the
metaphor made him smile, the reality soon became uncomfortable.
As they cleaned one another up in the bathroom, Victor couldn't
look into Nathan's eyes. Not out of shame or embarrassment, but
just from the soul-devouring sadness he saw in them.
"I have to go home now," Nathan said softly.
Victor looked then, to make sure Nathan understood. "Is there
anything I can do?" He tried to lend support through his gaze.
Nathan shook his head. "I don't think so."
The ride back to the house passed in charged silence. Victor
walked Nathan to the door. As they stood there, the memory of
other first dates and the "goodnight kiss or no goodnight kiss"
question passed through Vic's mind. Yes, this is a first date.
Maybe there will be others?
"How do I behave with you the next time I see you at work?"
Nathan asked.
"However you want to," Vic answered. It's the least you
deserve. "If you can get out another night, do you want to have
dinner again?"
Nathan smiled. "Of course."
They kissed, hard and hungry and desperate. They stood in one
another's arms for a small eternity before Nathan unlocked the
door and went in, casting one last, longing glance over his shoulder
before the house swallowed him up again.
Victor found Mac sitting on his couch when he got home. "Am I
the only person who needs to use a key to get in?"
Mac just stared for a moment before saying, "I'm just completely.
In. Shock. I can't even find the words."
"Now I have to know what it is you think I've done."
"You're so hard-up you have to take advantage of Nathan?"
Vic sputtered for a while, desperately trying to reply. Finally, he
choked out a "What?!?"
"I was in your bedroom the whole time. I know what happened."
Victor pinched the bridge of his nose. "God! I have to ask,
because I want to know... Are you out of your mind? What the
hell is wrong with you today?"
Mac actually looked outraged. "Out of my mind? What about
you—"
"You broke into my apartment! Again! You're not on the firmest
ground here, buddy boy!"
"It's not like that never happened to you before, and anyway, this
isn't about me! It's about—"
"Why didn't you just use the bugs the Director has scattered all
over my apartment?"
"Uhm—"
"Right." Vic could no longer summon the energy to feel disgusted.
He felt tired, whipped. "Just get the hell out of here, Mac."
A familiar spark lit Mac's eyes. "Did things go... badly with
Nathan?"
"Oh, shut up." Vic dropped to the couch. "He has a problem I can't
help him with. Don't say a word."
"I wouldn't dream." Mac moved closer to sit right next to him.
"Bad?"
Victor put his face in his hands. "Very, and it's family-related.
But don't you know this?"
"It wasn't like you two were going into detail with footnotes in
case someone was listening. So you're aggravated because you
can't help him with something. No wonder you're upset. You're so
consistent, Vic."
"And because you broke into my apartment—"
"Again," Mac helpfully supplied for him.
"—and eavesdropped on me, dammit!"
"So the thing with Nathan was a mercy—" Mac dropped it when he
heard a low growl. "Sorry." He put his arm over Victor's shoulder
and pulled him in close; Vic let him.
"What was up with you today?" Vic asked softly.
Mac stroked Vic's hair with a hesitant motion that suggested he
expected his partner to take his hand off. When Victor didn't, just
sighed, he pressed down a little more. "I just made a few stupid
miscalculations."
"No, really?" Vic closed his eyes. "He's trapped; I'm trapped..."
"Get some sleep, Vic, and in the morning," Mac grinned darkly at
Victor, who looked at him with one eyebrow raised, "we'll all still
be trapped, but you'll be better rested."
"You're so reassuring." He briefly opened his eyes to look at Mac.
"I searched the bedroom."
"There are advantages to being whisper thin. I hid behind some
clothing with my back against the wall."
Victor sighed. "What are you still doing in my apartment?"
"Propping you up."
"Oh, hell." Victor put his feet up on the couch and leaned back
harder. "You asked for it."
"And tomorrow you can think of ways to help Nathan out. That'll
make you feel better."
"I don't think anything short of killing his mother and making it
look like natural causes would work."
"That's not really my expertise."
"Mine either."
"You know, you're giving the Director one hell of a show in here
tonight."
"If she's so hard-up for entertainment that my life does anything for
her, I pity her," Victor mumbled, then clapped off the lights. Mac
often teased him about the Clapper, but it had its uses.
"Good night, Vic."
"Good night, John Boy."
Victor's weight had already start to put Mac's arm to sleep, but he
refused to move, having worked too hard to get here. It was 4
a.m., and the worst night of his life would soon be over. He'd been
in horrible situations before, but none so horrible as standing in the
closet surrounded by Vic's scent while biting down on his
knuckles to keep quiet and standing still as he heard the two of
them having sex in the next room. He hoped no one would notice
the odd wounds on his left hand this morning.
Questions tumbled through his overheated, despairing brain.
How the hell can I say anything to him now? What if this wasn't
a one-night mercy fuck, but an actual relationship in the making?
What if I've lost my chance at him forever?
The night and Victor's weight at his side gave him no answers.
The morning was going to be hell.
"What have you learned from tonight?" the Director asked.
"You mean, besides the fact that they've gone past anger at the
surveillance and into apathy?" Li Ann asked. As much as she'd
felt like a ghoul for watching the night's events unfold like this,
she hadn't been able to look away. She wished she could delude
herself and say she'd just been following the Director's orders, but
she couldn't.
"Besides that. Jackie?"
"Like, maybe that Mac and Vic would cause one another a lot less
pain if they were open with one another, like you tell them to be?"
Jackie answered.
"Brown-noser," Li Ann muttered, even as she wished she could
untangle the lust from the hate she felt for the former mob queen.
Jackie threw a pillow at her.
"Good points from the both of you. I'm pleased," the Director
said. Jackie grinned, and Li Ann fought against the warmth that
praise inspired. "Tonight was the culmination of one of my plans."
"What?" Li Ann asked.
"It was inspired by something Nikki once said."
"Nikki?" Jackie asked.
"Be grateful you never met her," Li Ann said.
"Now, now, Li Ann; Nikki had a certain feral genius. She and
Victor were doing research together at the time, and she mentioned
his tendency toward being attracted to wounded bird types. While
the research analyst who'd been there at the time had obviously
been what he'd considered eye candy, I saw an opportunity to bind
him closer to us. So I replaced the double-entendre-spouting
bimbo with Nathan and sat back. I chose him carefully, knowing
he'd develop a crush on Victor almost immediately."
"We were engaged to be married at the time!" Li Ann protested.
"But I knew that would never work. Either you'd be engaged for
an eternity, or you'd eventually feel so guilty about stringing him
along that you'd marry him out of that and make the both of you
miserable. I merely took advantage of the Kinsbrunner situation to
let you see how unsuited you were for marriage before you caused
yourself or Victor pain."
"But what about Mac?" Jackie asked. "It's, like, so obvious he
wants Vic."
"To everyone but himself and Victor. He needed time to realize
that."
"But now he thinks Vic is involved with Nathan," Li Ann said, her
head spinning.
"Have faith, children. I see them eventually ending up as a happy
threesome." She smiled smugly at the looks the other two women
gave her. "A threesome is working for us, isn't it?"
"So, the only remaining question is, why? I don't believe that you
just did this to `bind them closer' to the Agency."
"Mac and especially Victor don't perform their duties as well when
they're unhappy or feeling lonely. Nathan... Nathan is just me
having a rare impulse toward altruism. Don't expect it to happen
again."
"Then this is all about what they can do for you."
"Of course." The Director put an arm around each of them. "Men
are put on this earth to entertain us. It would be a criminal shame
not to use them as they were meant." She stroked Li Ann's arm. "I
know you're uncomfortable with this, Li Ann, but I do have their
best interests at heart. Right now, their best interests are mine."
Li Ann sighed. "I understand." Having no choice always did make
things easier.
rinning, Mac leaned over and whispered, "Nathan likes you, you
know."
