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Minor Fall
BY: Elske*** The silence and the darkness stretched between us, eternal, never ending. It seemed at once that I could reach out one hand and touch him and at the same time that he was an eternity away. We had been escorted to the bedchamber, divested of wedding finery and ensconced ourselves in the four-post bed, closed the curtains all around us…all without speaking a word. The silence grew; it ached. I longed to reach out to him, craved…comfort, of some sort, but did not dare to ask for it. It was a situation neither of us had sought, a marriage made out of convenience, made…to please my father. Made to diffuse scandals. We both knew that, yet it didn't seem to make it any easier, here, alone, wrapped in darkness, suffocated in silence. And there it was…a soft sound, muffled, from the other side of the bed. It was almost like weeping. I could stand it no longer, and so I shifted, reached out, tentatively, and murmured "James?" "Eliz…Elizabeth," he managed, his voice dark, pained, heartbreaking. "James," I echoed, reaching out, open armed, hoping…hoping that he'd accept what I offered. I could do nothing more, but…Somehow he knew. Perhaps he was desperate. Never mind why. He moved into my arms, tentatively, never mind that it was our wedding night and that was not the least of what he was supposed to be doing. I wrapped my arms around him, held him close. "James…James," I whispered, reassuringly, pathetically. "I…I miss him," he murmured. "Oh, God, Armand!" he added, in a strangled sob, and then was silent, shaking with his tears. I should have known. I always should have known, and yet…it still came as a surprise to me, somehow. The charges leveled against the young lieutenant were serious. Sodomy was a crime punishable by death. Perhaps the accusations were true, perhaps they were false… none of us knew, and the lieutenant had been sent away, far away, perhaps to India, perhaps to Indochina, no one knew for sure. There were others implicated, but no one ever suspected…not even I suspected it of the Commodore, not even when he came to me, pale and drained, to ask if I'd reconsider his suit the night after his lieutenant was taken away. I snuggled closer, made suddenly brave by the darkness, by the almost tangible admissions that seemed to change everything. "Shh…" I whispered. "Cry all you like. I won't mind." I didn't mind. Our tears mingled, soaked into the sheets, were forgotten, our souls both drifting, forever torn, half off in the unknown. |
