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Free Thyself
BY: Author*** There he is again, thought Elizabeth Swann of her beloved fiancee, as he sat at the edge of one of the ship port's longest docks, so very close to the calm black ocean. Why did he come here every night? Her maids had seen him do this for weeks now. She herself was just catching on to his habits now. Will sat here every night, so lonely. What did he long for?Yet Elizabeth's denial was the only thing that kept her mind away from the obvious answer. Her mind was not a simple one and she knew the truth. He longed for the sea, and the pirates life that should have belonged to him. The answer to her questions lied in the sea somewhere. She had called him a pirate herself, and that was so true. So undeniably true. She watched him for awhile as he sat there, his hair windswept, and his body trembling with the cold. Reminded of the chilling weather, she pulled her overcoat closer to her body. She had come straight out of bed to see him sit here, and had not properly dressed. She wondered oddly enough about what her father would think if he could see her as she stood, her nightclothes only covered by the coat. She watched her beloved and his pain, as if addicted to the sweet scent of his sadness and dispair. He sat there for hours, looking to the ocean, and the young lady watched every second of it. He shivered some more, as the night grew even darker. She looked up to the paled moon. It was a dreary night, and the water was beggining to look like a black gem. Will had used that description before, as she recalled, of the night sea. He was somewhat of a poetic man, when upset. Now he sat, his long hands trailing into the water, looking like his world was ending. Maybe it was ending for him... Ultimately her shivering became not of the cold, as something unexpected and startling happened. A small boat headed towards, and then docked at the port. Will looked up shocked, but not as if he hadn't expected the arrival to come someday. She watched him narrow his hazel eyes, in a bit of anguish, coated with manic delight. Elizabeth had to steady her gasps, when she realized that before her stood the infamous Captain Jack Sparrow. 'What could that fool be doing here?' Elizabeth thought suddenly, her first thought being of fear for the pirate. She knew he would certainly be executed if seen. Yet Will did not show surprise... just an uncharacteristic relief. Will mumbled something softly, making Elizabeth curious enough to risk moving closer. The very nature of her mind begged her to figure out the mystery of what was happening. The pirate smiled and shook his head lightly, dissapointing Will in some way. "It just aint right, " she heard him say, in his deep eloquent voice. "It aint right at all. The lass loves you, that much is obvious. Don't yeh love her boy?" "I do," Will said, and Elizabeth was forced to suppress her own gasping voice. "I love Elizabeth with all my life," he whispered. "Yet I need something so much more, Jack. Elizabeth would never want me the way I want to be. She could not have and accept the real me. It would be like her loving you." "I see boy," the Captain said, his eyes lowered. Elizabeth could sense things from him, serious emotions she had not known he possessed. Her own agony, at the fact she was losing Will, did not pale to the love she had for him, and the way the pirate looked down on Will carefully, made her cautiously happy for him. He was right, in the words he gave Jack, she couldn't love him like a man could. She just was not then one he was conjoined to. She had begun to feel this ever since Jack left them to their life. Will had been cold and distant, and the truth really was that there was another he loved, was that not it? "You understand it, do you not?" Will asked, sounding suddenly cold and proper. Elizabeth calmed her urges to make her presence known. The agony in his eyes showed that Will was uncomfortable and hurt. There was no reason to make the feeling worsen in the one she loved. "Aye, tis not hard to understand," the pirate replied looking sympathetically at him. "Your blood, tis pirate, like I've told ye." The king among pirates looked down, at his pale, cold friend. The boy was torn, that much was obvious. He wanted nothing more than to take Will as his lover, it was in his eyes, as he loved him as much as anything he had in his life. He obsessed over the boy, like he'd once obsessed over his ship. He owned both, yet could not claim the boy until he let go of his current owner. Will shuddered, and leaned down. He sat again, feeling the chill of the wet dock underneath. The pirate captain sat behind him, obviously thinking. "What, lad, do you want?" Elizabeth waited for his answer to Jack's question, her breath slowing. Will's needs, and wants were the question she needed answered. They were the reason she was so unhappy, because he was never the same bright, thrilling, blacksmith he'd been... not since Jack had left them alone to start a life. He was scared and alone, and near a man that she believed he loved. Will muttered softly, and Elizabeth did not capture the words. They went past her, but it was obvious that the tired eyed captain did hear. "Me, boy? Why?" There, it was her answer. Will was in love with the pirate Captain and not her. She nodded humbly, as she watched the two even longer. "Because you've shown me who I was!" Will said, in an emotion that came off as angry. Elizabeth knew it for Will's fire, not anger, but she was still too shocked at his wanting Jack, to really come to notice. "I need you, to show me who I will be. I love you." Elizabeth felt the undeniable tears hit the corners of her eyes. They stung as she fought them. Now she recognized his fire, it was hot and angry... and needy. He needed the man before him as much as she needed answers. She watched the other man's reaction. She wanted to know if they mutually needed each other. Will did not act surprised to see Jack, so Elizabeth deducted that he'd been there before. Something had happened to them before. The pirate's eyes, shown with a deep rooted longing. The love was mutual, as was the need. Remaining accepting, Elizabeth tried to force a smile to her face. They were pirates in need of one another. It was fated. "This is mad, even for I," Jack said, his eyes shimmering a bit. "We must stop this, lad." "Do you think I am ignorant to what has happened, our past few meetings?" Will asked, his fire showing through seriously. Elizabeth shuddered at the power he had, something she'd never felt before in him. She ducked lower behind the ship blocking their view of her. If she was to be caught here... she'd never be forgiven. "Our past few meetings have made me fall in love with you- and you with I." "Ye don't know what yer talking of!" was the reply, but the dark eyes softened a bit. He looked nearly comical, sad, but of all his oddities. He seemed like the gaily shining type of man that never hurt. Elizabeth was surprised to see this sadness show. He wanted to take Will away, Elizabeth assumed, but would deny himself of it as long as Will had connections here. "Yes, yer right. I fall to a child 'round ye, and am no longer the man I want to be. I do feel somethin' strong. Yet, the lass... she loves ye and I shall not allow myself to steal yeh too... like everything else that is mine." "I know she does," Will said mournfully. "Guilt beats down on me constantly, for vowing love to Elizabeth, when my heart fell to you. Yet again... maybe she'd be happier alone. Elizabeth is amazing, Jack, you know she is. Then again, maybe my love is not for her, but for you! Maybe each beat cries not for Elizabeth, but for you. You are the one that haunts me every night." Elizabeth felt a sharp intake of pain, at her next breath. Will did not love her; her fears of their dying romance were true. He loved the sea captain, the one that shared his hunger. Maybe it was right, she thought. She was done with adventure, ready to become the woman she was. She had wanted to have Will's children, and raise them in the manner in which she was raised. Yet, her beloved belonged in another's arms for certain. Suddenly one lifted the other by the hand, pulling him to his feet. The men drew close to each other, like a dance with no sounds. It was oddly romantic, making Elizabeth shake, knowing how content they both were. "Why, lad, are we doing this?" Jack asked. "I want it," were the words Elizabeth heard Will say. The rest of his words were blurred, by his arms, that went around the strong back of the seaman. For the past months, Elizabeth had tried with all of her might to comfort Will, who seemed to be grieving over some mysterious loss. She had failed. This dance of love, seemed to comfort him beyond any means. His eyes, half closed, showed love, affection and freedom. He belonged here. The eyes, now mostly closed, expressed tears of joy that led her to believe that her beloved was perfectly content. She watched as the tears poured down his face, and were kissed away by the tender touch of the older man's lips. She tried to close her eyes, as the two men kissed, a deep kind of kiss, meant only for a very close love. Will looked completely receptive, like he was consuming a remedy designed to cure his pain. A soft sigh escaped one of them, making her coldness turn instantly to warmth. This might mean she would never be the wife of Will Turner, but still she gasped at it's beauty. Jack took his left hand off of the boy's waist, and used it to stroke the boy on the top of his head. "Stop hurting boy, you're so tense..." he said softly and even from Elizabeth's hiding place, the love was obvious in Will's trembling body. "This is so right," was the reply, that came with a violently trembling body. The soft touches, so gentle and innocent, were obviously driving away any kind of agony, or suffering. "It takes away everything and I don't have to hurt." "What has been happening to ye? You act like they've tortured you some." Elizabeth found herself choking at Jack's words. Had Will's time with her really been torture to him? "Not intentionally anyway," Will said sighing as his head fell down into the pirate's chest. "You cannot last here, not among them boy," Jack said, his arms around the boy, holding him, comforting the pain that Elizabeth herself had caused. His lips touched to the boy's head, "No... this is not right for yeh." "I know I can't," another deep sigh escaped him. His body nearly lost footing, but it was scooped up, quickly into wanting arms. Elizabeth held a hand to her chest as she watched them do this. They are meant to be here, she thought somberly only awaiting the next moment. . Will knew he was meant to be there, as he fell deeper into the arms that held him close. He dropped down, into them, taking Jack with him. Then suddenly they were lying across the port. Jack's face showed a bit of concern. "They won't come here," Will said quietly. "I've been paying them off not to show up, in case you returned to me." He smirked just a little bit, the news causing Jack and Elizabeth both relief. "Oh, boy you are nothing less than your father's son," came the sweet reply, along with a hand that ran itself possisvely over the front of his chest. "It shines in ye often, love." "Thank you," Will said leaning down, allowing himself to be held. The pirate held tightly the boy that lay in his arms, kissing him, touching him. Elizabeth turned to walk away, but was stopped by the sounds of quick breathy voices. "I 'ave to leave," Jack said, his kind voice going into a scratchy, deep tone. "I 'ave to be back to me ship, now. It is getting very odd, for me to return her to this same port. The crew knows what I'm doing." Will's breath quickened so much that Elizabeth could feel his hearbeat. His eyes closed and tears, this time of true pain, poured from his beautiful eyes. "Will I... you know... will you return?" "Only if I can take you back with me for good." Elizabeth watched them part, Jack turning to his little boat, and Will walking up the path. Will's heart was broken, Jack's as well. Both of them had messy, undone clothing, and looked positively in love. She sighed, and turned, as to beat Will home. She had to convince him that it truly was a pirates life for him. He could not be any other way. When he lay there, in the arms of Captain Jack Sparrow, he had been freed. Elizabeth ran home, feeling the cold air whipping against her body. She ran fast, she would be there with just enough time to beat Will home. "Miss," said one of Elizabeth's elderly maids, but she ignored the words and rushed to her bed yelling to the maid about how she needed to be calm and wait, as Master Turner was returning. She slammed the door behind her, relieved to have made it. Throwing her overcoat into the closet, she leapt down onto the matress, prepared to fake sleeping. She closed her eyes and was swarmed with images of her beloved Will Turner, in the arms of his own beloved. It was not long before the door was opened again. She lay, trying to make her breath seem shallow and sleeplike as Will walked around the room for a moment, doing things, before coming into the bed beside her. Then he shifted unusually. She dared not look to him for she was terrified of being revealed. She nearly gasped as Will got up out of the bed. Taking a blanket to his side, from the floor, he sat down in a chair across the room and was soon to fall asleep there. Only then did Elizabeth dare do more than peek onto his image. He was truly asleep, his eyes shut tightly, his head leaned back onto the wood of the chair. She stood near where he lay and touched her hand to his head. He was still cold from the night encounter with his lover. She felt so incredibly sorry for him, and the obvious way he ached. An odd cold settled about her as well, as Will began to toss and his eyes flickered open. "Elizabeth!" he cried disorientedly. "Elizabeth love..." She wanted to confess to everything. To betraying his trust, to following him, to watching him in a very private affair with a lover; everything she had done called for her confession. "Dear," she said trying to keep calm, and not to look into his eyes, "Will dear, what are you doing up here?" It turned out that Will was the same fearful, yet brilliant type of liar that she was. "Nothing dear," he said in reply, touching his left hand to the side of her face. The guilt in his brown eyes was apparent. "I could not sleep, so I got up. I guess I had fallen to sleep after all, when over here." "Oh, I awakened you. I am so sorry love," she said, meaning those words in so many more ways then the poor, internally wounded blacksmith could understand. She was cold, touching him. "I am terribly sorry." The guilt seemed to wash away from his deep brown eyes in seconds, as it was replaced by confusion. "Elizabeth, are you fine?" he asked her, "You look terrified." "It is nothing Will," she lied. Honesty, her mind told her, was the only way the two of them could ever come to terms with what was happened. Honesty was just not going to happen in this moment. "Are you going to be at the Blacksmith's shop today?" "I was thinking of it," he replied, looking away from her. She knew he was avoiding her eyes, and she unfortunately was familiar to the reason why. "I swear it Elizabeth, that soon the day will come when I take over that dreadful place, and then I shall have workers hired. It is selfish of me to spend so many days at work, hardly seeing you anymore." She desired so deeply just to say what she was afraid of. She wanted to tell him that she knew, she knew that he was hurting and that he needed to be freed to Jack, freed to love. She wished she could let him know that it would hurt only for a moment if he were to leave. She wished he could know that they could live apart from one another. She smiled, and only brought words that she knew would drive another stake of pain through his heart. "My father wishes we meet some nobleman and his wife today. I suppose it is expected of us... but if you are to be working I understand." The pain in her husband's eyes shocked her. How could she have never before seen this agony, the way her words struck him? Yet then, before she could be truly affected by his pain, he switched back into the man she knew and smiled. "Not again," he said good naturedly, as if the idea hurt him "you would believe your father was trying to market us off as the couple of the century." "He disapproves, so that indeed is an oddity," Elizabeth replied, feeling her heart as it was wrenched out of her in a mental sense. How could she and her future husband talk in this manner, when neither of them was true about their love? "I shall be coming," Will said in a calm and sincere tone. "I would not wish you to suffer through one of those meetings alone. Brown can have one of the apprentices take over today." "Oh, I thank you," she whispered graciously, suddenly realizing that it was beginning to seem that her future husband was a man who she did not know. Stranger meeting again. "I promise this will be as bearable as I can make it." - - - - - Three hours later, after the endless preparation that was deemed to be needed by Elizabeth's father, the couple was ready to meet some random nobleman from a neighboring city. Elizabeth looked to Will the second they met each other at the end of the staircase, and his eyes touched hers, she knew that he hated this. He hated everything about this. "It will be fine," she promised him, with a look that said she hated everything about this prim and proper society. 'Yet' her mind said to her, 'I do desire to be a wife and a mother. How could you ever be deemed husband and father?' "Are you all right, dear?" she asked delicately, her heart praying for a confession from him. If only a confession would arise, then her own confession of sin could remain underground and protected. "Certainly." Will was quick, he was blunt, and he was just as much of a pained liar as she was. She sighed and took hold of his hand. There was absolutely nothing going on between them during this night. He barely uttered a word, as the carriage collected them, taking them to the government house in the middle of the seaport town. He did not say anything as they exited it, and walked together towards the building. Stares meant for them made Will cringe, and Elizabeth knew why. These common townsmen, men Will had walked among since he came to Port Royal, looked up to him like something he was not, the future husband of the Governor's daughter. She held his hand even tighter, and pulled him beyond the crowd. The young woman only had to marvel in wonder at her own stupidity. Was this pain not obvious to everyone? People were such blind fools. "Elizabeth!" came the voice of Governor Swann, as he pulled the woman into his arms. Will smiled politely as Elizabeth and her father embraced. He smiled at the man and woman behind them, nodding as if he acknowledged of their presence. Elizabeth's father turned to him. "You are not looking well, Mister Turner," he said softly, his false political smile on. "Will is fine, father," Elizabeth shouted, jumping to his defense. Will looked on shocked, as the girl stood in front of him as if he needed protection from something. "He just has not been feeling well as of late." "I hope you are not coming down with an illness son," said the man, "there have been some severe cases in the cities neighboring this one." "I am fine," Will said roughly, eying Elizabeth suspiciously. She had already returned to her proper, noblewoman like air. She smiled politely at him, as they walked away together, for just a moment she needed to explain what she had done. "He always fights everything off," Elizabeth yelled, as she lead him away. She cursed her own inability to keep inside, her dark secrets. "What was the meaning of that?" he asked the moment that they had moved from the earshot of Elizabeth's father. She was behind him, smiling self conciously. She laughed a bit. Was now the time to tell him the truth in what she had seen? Was now the time to think up a quick lie? She was clueless to what she should be doing about now. She just was confused to just about everything. Jack loved Will and Will loved Jack, that was basically the only things. She hated their silence, and her inability to keep with silence or confession. "I am only trying to keep you from being hurt," she whispered vaguely, in her heart praying that he would question her no further on her intentions. She closed her eyes, panicking a bit. "Being hurt, Elizabeth?" he asked, looking at her confused. She gasped a sigh of relief, because for that moment she had believed that he had figured out about her findings. . She turned her head and asked him if it could be spoken of later. He nodded as they returned to the men and woman. "I was just speaking to the Rinaldi family of your origins Master Turner," Elizabeth's father said eloquently, as Elizabeth and Will approached him. "They agree that it is a rather odd story..." "Yes indeed," the woman said with a smile on her face. "Miss Swann, however did you come to the idea of marrying this boy? A drifter lost a sea, a blacksmith. It does not make sense to me." Elizabeth gasped, as she could feel every bit of indignant pride in Will's stance. He stood up abrubtly, and Elizabeth had only to stand with him. "Hold on," she said to him strongly, holding him by the arm. "We do not have to merely accept comments that are rude." "You are right Elizabeth," Will responded humbly, holding his fiery temper intact for now. Inside she could see how he was being tortured by these words. Will was a proud man being deeply offended. He sat down, and she sat down beside him. Nobody spoke for several moments, until the man of the Rinaldi household began to chatter with Elizabeth's father. Elizabeth caught Will's eyes in a momentary glance. How could people really not see the pain he suffered at being in her household. Watching the looks pass through his eyes, she promised herself that tonight was the night she would talk to him about freeing himself to do what was needed. "It is an old pirates tale, Madam," Elizabeth replied to the woman's question grinning. "I do not believe it would be wise to bore you with such things." "Did my wife offend you, boy?" the man asked suddenly, a glint of concern touching his features. Will and Elizabeth both desired, at that moment, to remind the man that he was pointing out the obvious, but they mostly remained with intact temperments. "No sir," Will replied humbly. "I often hear such comments, and they are not of an offense to me anymore." "Now that is the spirit!" Elizabeth turned to hear her father's joyous proclamation. She shook her head in mere disbelief. A real political character, her father had turned out to be. Yet, that was all right with her, as it was his true character. Another hour passed in the engagement. It went rather smoothly, yet the minutes seemed like agonizing hours to all involved. Finally, someone stood up to the boring conversation. It was not as Elizabeth expected it to be, herself, but Will, who she figured was having enough of politics and terrible, vile jokes. "Mister, Madam Rinaldi, Governor Swann," Will said softly, standing as he addressed the political figures, "I am indeed feeling rather ill, and I must excuse myself from this engagement." "I will come as well," Elizabeth heard her voice say quickly, trying as hard as she could to get out of the uncomfortable position of this meeting. "He may need tending to." Basically excused, Will and Elizabeth nearly ran towards their carriage. Once in safe distance from the meeting house, Elizabeth nearly collapsed in his arms. "You are amazing, brilliant even," she said smiling. "I am sorry if that was - er - inappropriate to lie about," Will whispered apologetically, "yet I could not take one more moment." "Nothing is wrong with that," she replied laughing at his concern. "I mean, I was going to die of embarrassment if Rinaldi made one more cruel joke." "I cannot believe that man's inconsiderate nature," Will said gesturing frantically, as if he were appalled. "Making those types of comments, with two women in his presence." "It is no better with men in his presence," Elizabeth shouted indignantly, making Will laugh at her. "Honestly, you'd think that man was a pirate of some..." Elizabeth gasped at her blunder. Will's eyes opened with some sort of shock, as she rushed to look down in embarrassment. With extreme luck, the carriage stopped in front of their home. Elizabeth darted out of it, even before the carriage driver could offer her assistance. With some meaningless apology, along the lines of, "My apologies... I did not mean what was said," she hurried into their house, locking herself in her bathing room, so Will would surely not enter. How could she, a smart and respectable woman, make such a fools blunder? Especially now... when she knew the truth about Will and his love? It was against her nature, to be cold and discriminate. She had even followed pirare lore, with an exited nature, as a child. Now she was scared and confused. She knew it was all of the time she spent around her father and the navy men, where she had picked up such a cruel association of pirates and rude drunkards, but this was not her place for excuses. How could she had used one of the navymen's slurs against pirates, even in the back of her mind? She would have to confess now, that she had made a fool of herself, what she knew. Inwardly, she cursed her ability to make a fool of herself at the most innapropriate time. |
