heroone	Standard disclaimers. Due South and all characters herein
belong to Alliance. . . Thanks to Linda for beta reading, I appreciate it.
Beta you than me :)  As always, many thanks and blessings to Mary Ann,
Ruthie and Bonnie for continuing to inspire me. Sequal to An Intimate
Quandary. Rated NC-17 for M/M/ Slash/ and graphic sexual scenes, in part
to illustrate Ray and Fraser's growing relationship. Sorry- my sex Muse
has run amuck! Never had that happen before!  

HOLDING OUT FOR A HERO 

By: Amethyst 
  

         Ray's head bolted up from his pillow with a start as he tried to
ascertain what had awakened him. His sleepy gaze swept toward Fraser's
side of the bed and he was surprised to find the Mountie gone. Diefenbaker
was curled up at Ray's feet and was watching him curiously. 

         Ray groaned and rolled onto his back to stare up at the dream
catcher above him. Had last night even happened? Had this whole week been
a dream? He lifted the covers and glanced down at his naked form. Nope,
last night definitely happened. He and Fraser had made love, well, not
really. Both men had been eager enough, yet still a little wary of the
whole situation at the same time. Actually, neither of them really seemed
to have a clue what to do, which was rather funny when Ray thought about
it. They had gotten each other off and then fell asleep, not wanting to
test their limits just yet. 

         The memory of Fraser sucking his cock was starting to arouse Ray
and he felt himself hardening in response. He had reciprocated of course.
Having been called a Cocksucker many times by some of the perps he had
arrested, the fact that it was now true was beyond amusing. Ray had been a
little tentative about it, after all, it isn't the kind of skill a guy
usually practices; at least not a man who considered himself to be
straight until very recently. 

        Ray knew what he liked, what sort of things he'd enjoyed Stella
doing to him when she would perform fellatio, so he could only go from
there. Fraser had certainly not complained and it wasn't  anything like
Ray thought it would be. In fact, he rather enjoyed it, being on the other
end so to speak. He hadn't swallowed, as Fraser had done to him when he
came, but that didn't seem to take away from the Mountie's overall
enjoyment. 

        They both pretty much fell asleep after that. Ray was exhausted
physically as well as emotionally from a very trying week. Stella and Ray
Vecchio had come for a visit and created all sorts of problems for Ray and
Fraser. Because Vecchio was also called Ray, Ray had conceded to being
addressed  as Stan; a shortened version of his given name, during their
stay. He had reverted back to Ray the moment they had left because so many
people continued to stumble over Stan. Besides, Ray couldn't adjust to the
name change, he had thought he could, but it just wasn't him. Vecchio had
continued to call him Stanley, prick that he was, but that was only a
minor annoyance compared to everything else that had happened. 

        Ray had been almost out of his mind thinking that he was in love
with Fraser. Maggie, Ira, even Stella and Vecchio seemed to conclude the
same thing. Ray had battled with his emotions the entire time the Vecchios
had been here and it didn't help that Fraser was his usual evasive self
when Ray did try and approach him about the situation. 

        Things worked out however, he and Fraser finally managed to talk
and get everything out in the open. Vecchio and Stella headed off to
Ottawa and things had returned to a better than normal state. The only
tragedy in all of it was that a lame-brain hunter had shot Ray's hawk
Artemis, which he had nursed back to health after she had been injured by
another man's gun. Ray still had the three baby hawks and he would
continue to care for them until they could fly on their own. How Ray would
teach them to fly was still a mystery but he would try. 

        He stretched lazily, forgetting about the mystery of whatever had
awakened him, and enjoying a brand new day. Maybe he should have Fraser
get him off more often, it put Ray in a much better mood. Remembering that
Fraser was up and about somewhere, Ray finally tossed back the covers and
stood from the bed. 

        Fraser halted stiffly as he entered the room at that exact same
moment and flushed a bright pink. Seeing Ray in the nude with the morning
sun streaming in the windows and casting an almost ethereal glow around
his partner had the Mountie aroused in seconds. As usual, Fraser was
dressed casually, wearing blue jeans and a green striped shirt. 

        "Oh...er...ah...you're awake that's good," he managed to stammer
as he politely averted his gaze. 

        Ray smirked and grabbed his jeans, shrugging into them. He shook
his head at Fraser. The guy had Ray's dick down his throat last night and
this morning he was schoolboy shy about seeing him naked? How messed up
was that? Maybe the Mountie was having second thoughts about what had
happened. 

        "Yah," Ray agreed, cautiously. He did not bother to pull on a
shirt, as he needed a shower first. "You been up long?" 

        Fraser shook his head. He had slept better last night than he
could ever remember sleeping. "No, only a few minutes. Maggie called on
the radio." 

        Ray was instantly alert. "Anything wrong?" 

        "No, she had news about Bonnie," Fraser informed as Diefenbaker
finally hopped down off the bed and headed for the kitchen to see if his
breakfast was ready. "Um...why don't you go ahead and take your shower and
I'll get our breakfast ready, then we can talk." 

        "We talked last night, Fraser," Ray reminded, unable to break the
habit of calling his partner by his last name, just yet. He sighed when
Fraser blushed again and pulled on his ear. 

        "I...I mean about what Maggie said about Bonnie, Ray," the Mountie
murmured. 

        Ray stepped up to the closet, close to Fraser. He brushed against
the Mountie, intentionally as he reached for a clean towel off the top
shelf. As expected, Fraser stepped back slightly and Ray shielded his
expression from the hurt that pierced his heart. He was right, Fraser was
having second thoughts. 

        Ray had known a relationship with the Mountie would be a long
shot, especially after he had practically forced Fraser into admitting how
he felt. Maybe Fraser just wasn't ready yet; he wasn't as adaptable as Ray
when it came to such emotional situations. Ray smirked, yah, sure he was
adaptable-he came close to loosing his mind this week, he still wasn't
real sure about any of this. 

        "Wanna join me in the shower, Frase?" he inquired, testing his
theory. 

        Fraser cast him a startled glance. "I...I don't believe there
would be room for...for both of us, Ray," he stated, quietly. "You...you
go ahead and shower first, there should be plenty of hot water." 

        "Sure," Ray replied, softly, staring at the towel in his hand as
though forgetting why he had it. He bit his lip and ran his thumbnail
along his jaw thoughtfully. "I'll only be a few minutes then." He turned
and started toward the bathroom. As an after thought, he paused and turned
back to Fraser. He gave the Mountie a tentative kiss on the cheek.
"Thanks." 

        Fraser stared after his partner, as Ray entered the small washroom
and closed the door. Fraser reached up to touch the skin that had been
graced by Ray's lips. He was still tingling from last night's events and
had been in awe to wake up this morning with Ray curled against him. He
hadn't attempted to disentangle his friend, as he usually did when
awakened in such a predicament. Instead, he just pulled Ray closer and
snuggled with him, unwilling to rise from the bed. 

        His conscience reprimanded him for being slothful, but he'd
ignored it. It felt better than he could ever have imagined waking up with
Ray in his arms. They had taken things rather fast last night, once they
got past the barriers each man seemed to hold about sex with their
partner. It had been quick but satisfying for them both and Fraser
couldn't complain. 

        He looked forward to the nights when they would go all the way and
Ray would allow Fraser to make love to him. Fraser had made a mental note
to refresh his knowledge and research same sex lovemaking and possible
erogenous zones so he could please Ray enough that the American would want
it again and again. 

        The radio had finally forced Fraser to move from his comfortable
spot beside Ray and he had gone to the other room to answer his sister's
call. Maggie had some disheartening news about Bonnie, but it could still
turn out to be something good. That all depended on how Ray took the news
Fraser needed to tell him. There had been so many changes and so much for
Ray to adapt to this past week, Fraser was unsure that the American could
take one more. 

        He heard Diefenbaker barking at him from the other room, scolding
Fraser for not having his food waiting. Fraser shook his head and turned
to leave the room, then paused. Something was different. He moved toward
the closed door of the washroom and listened to the water running. That
was it, just the sound of the spray and nothing further. 

        Ray almost always sang in the shower, that was what Fraser's keen
hearing had picked up as missing this morning. He considered his actions
only for a moment, before quietly opening the door and stepping inside the
steam filled room. 

        He could make out Ray's lithe form behind the simple, almost
transparent shower door. One of Ray's hands were braced on the side of the
stall, Fraser assumed the other held the soap.  His head bent against the
pounding spray of the water. Fraser thought he looked sad and defeated and
wondered what had caused his friend's change of mood. 

        He gathered his courage, pushing away the idea that it wasn't
polite to interrupt someone in the bathroom, regardless of what he or she
was doing, and stepped closer to the stall. 

        "Ray?" he inquired and watched his partner jump slightly in
surprise. Obviously he hadn't heard Fraser enter. 

        "I said I'll be out in a minute, Fraser," Ray snapped, his voice
sounded strained. 

        "I...I didn't mean to interrupt, Ray," Fraser quickly apologized,
puzzled by his friend's attitude. "There's no rush I merely wanted to make
sure you were all right." 

        Ray went completely still for a minute, then finally straightened
up and turned around. He opened the stall door enough to poke his head
out. 

        "Why wouldn't I be all right?" he asked, surprised. 

        Fraser pulled at his ear, uncomfortably. How did he tell Ray that
he was worried only because the blonde hadn't been singing in the shower,
he would sound ridiculous. 

        "You seem...quiet this morning, that's all," Fraser decided,
finally. That sounded much better than saying he was worried because Ray
hadn't been singing Abba at the top of his lungs. 

        "So are you, Fraser," Ray stated, softly. "Guess we both are,
huh?" 

        "I...is anything bothering you, Stan?" Fraser asked. 

        Ray lowered his eyes for a minute, thoughtfully, then extended a
hand to Fraser. "Com'ere." 

        Fraser stepped forward and accepted his partner's hand. 

        "Are...are we okay, Fra...Ben?" Ray inquired, closing his fingers
around Fraser's. 

        Fraser tried to keep his gaze on Ray's face and not on his
friend's slick, naked, body that was partially visible behind the stall
door. He had caught Ray's correction of his name and almost smiled. 

        "I...why wouldn't we be, Ray?" he countered, unsure what the real
question was. 

        "You seem pretty quiet, too, buddy," Ray stated, regretfully.
"Are...are you havin' second thoughts about...y'know about us...I mean
what happened between us?" 

        "Are you?" Fraser countered. 

        "I asked you first, Ben." 

        "No, Ray I'm not having second thoughts, but I would understand if
you were." Fraser used his free hand to push the damp tendrils of blonde
hair away from his partner's face. "This has been a very trying week for
you and..." 

        Ray growled. "Don't start that again, Fraser!" 

        "Ray I only meant..." 

        "I told you I was cool with this," Ray insisted. "I told you all
of that, everything I was feeling. I hate repeating myself, damnit!" Ray
ran a hand through his slick, wet hair, in exasperation. "I...yah I have
some doubts, but not many and they're more about me than you, so stop
thinkin' all of this is a result of Vecchio and this past week." 

        "I'm sorry, Ray," Fraser offered contritely. 

        Ray was right, Fraser was just obsessing again. He was still so
afraid that Ray would change his mind and that all of this was a passing
fancy. Fraser's heart couldn't handle having Ray so wonderfully close,
only to have the American decide he didn't want to be here and leave. 

        "I know you're scared," Ray said, softly, surprising Fraser by his
perception. "I'm scared too. But we're buddies and partners first and
foremost, right?" 

        Fraser nodded without hesitation. 

         "Anything else is just icing on the cake," Ray continued. "We
don't have to rush into anything and we don't have to base any
relationship we want to have on anyone else's ideas. We'll just, y'know,
take it as it comes and if it's good, great. If it isn't, we'll still be
buddies, Fraser." He reached up and caressed Fraser's cheek in a truly
intimate gesture. "I'm not goin' anywhere, either way we do it. We're a
duet rememeber?" 

        Fraser blinked at the sudden moisture in his eyes. Once again, Ray
had managed to delve into Fraser's subconscious and discover his worst
fear, that Ray would one day leave him. He didn't know what he had done to
be rewarded with such an understanding partner, but he intended to thank
God and make the most of it. 

        "Your water will get cold," he decided, suddenly shy again. 

        Ray grinned and opened the door all the way to pull him inside.
"So come and keep me warm." 

        Fraser released a startled laugh, as the door clicked behind him
and the water immediately soaked his clothes. He glanced down and noticed
that Ray was rock hard and he offered a little moan of anticipation as Ray
ripped open Fraser's shirt. 

        "See, plenty of room. Ya got too many clothes on there, buddy," he
teased. 

         Fraser eagerly assisted him in the disrobing. The stall was too
small to maneuver very much, but together they managed to get Fraser freed
of his garments and the clothes tossed over the stall to the bathroom
floor. Seconds later they were both naked. The Mountie was just as aroused
as Ray and had been that way, since he walked into the bedroom and saw Ray
standing nude by the bed. 

        "Bloom close, Ben," Ray taunted, grinding his pelvis against
Fraser's. "I need another swimming lesson and some more of that Mountie
mouth technique."  He pulled back suddenly, just before their lips
touched, his eyes narrowing. "Speakin' of which, you really weren't 'Buddy
Breathin' when we were lookin' at that beaver damn, were ya?" 

        Fraser had the decency to blush and lowered his eyes. 

         Ray cuffed him in the back of the head. 

         "That's not buddies." he grinned and pulled Fraser close. 

        Fraser responded to the challenge, hungrily, with a kiss that left
Ray breathless. This was no gentle, feather light exploration that a man
might use when kissing a woman, this was a deep, passionate,
no-holds-bared, tongue-in-throat kind of kiss that men dreamed of but most
women were too shy to receive or perform. 

        Ray couldn't believe how much he loved kissing Fraser. The
Mountie's technique was totally masculine, like Ray's, but that just added
to the procedure. Both tried to claim victory over the other, both tried
to lead and it left them breathless in a delicious no-win battle. 

        Ray's head accidentally bounced off the wall of the stall as
Fraser pushed him backwards, pinning Ray's body with his own. Last night
was urgent, but seemed mild compared to this round. Fraser seemed intent
to have every part of his body touching or grinding against Ray's in an
animalistic need. Ray could hardly stand the friction of their cocks
rubbing together, mixed with the warming massage of the spray above them.
He heard Fraser moan in desire and pumped harder against him. 

        "Ray!" he breathed, finally releasing his partner's mouth, to
nuzzle and nip at Ray's neck. 

        "Hmmmm?" Ray couldn't talk; he was lucky he was still standing
upright. 

         Ray was gripping Fraser's shoulders so tightly that he was sure
there would be bruises on the Mountie tomorrow. He was so incredibly
turned on by Fraser's touch, that it was scaring him, simultaneously. The
fact that it was a man touching him, his partner and friend arousing him
confused him beyond reason. 

        However, this wasn't just any other man, this was Fraser and Ray
could finally admit that he loved the Mountie. When Ray loved someone it
was totally and completely so it didn't matter about the sex, love was
love and sex was good any way you could get it. Granted, he'd never
considered it before, sex with a man, nor was he considering it now-not
with any man other than Fraser anyway, so that made their situation
unique. 

        "Ray, I...I want..." Fraser began, observing the way Ray's eyes
were shuttered, his mouth partially opening with each panted breath of
frustrated ecstasy. His head leaned back to expose the long column of his
throat. Fraser had never seen any one look so enticingly erotic. 

        "Me too," Ray managed, not knowing what Fraser wanted but pretty
sure they were thinking the same thing; release. 

        Fraser raised his gaze, waiting to lock with Ray's, his cerulean
eyes smoky with desire. "Do you, Ray?" 

        Ray's eyes opened a fraction of an inch. "Anything, Fraser," he
croaked. He pulled Fraser closer, maintaining the rhythm the Mountie had
started. He was so close, the sensations were unbelievable and Ray only
wanted more. "Fuck, whatever ya want, just do it and do it now!" 

        Fraser moaned again and plastered himself against Ray's slick
body. One hand grabbed a handful of Ray's hair to bring him closer for a
kiss, while the other roamed down over Ray's buttocks. He squeezed and Ray
bucked against him, while he sucked Fraser's tongue into his mouth. Fraser
raised his hand and reached for the soap on the shelf behind them. 

        Ray's right hand cradled Fraser's neck, to keep the kiss going,
while his left dropped to grasp Fraser's cock. He felt the Mountie gasp in
appreciation as Ray boldly started stroking him in a fast rhythm. Ray was
startled when he suddenly felt Fraser's finger penetrate him. He almost
bit off his own tongue, as well as Fraser's in alarm. He tried to pull
away, but that only increased the penetration and he gasped. 

        Ray tried to end the kiss, but Fraser's hold on his hair prevented
it and the Mountie seemed unaware that Ray was no longer responding as
before. He'd told Fraser anything, but he hadn't meant this! Ray wasn't
ready for this step. He'd been thinking of another blow-job or at the most
the continuation of what they had been doing, grinding against each other.
He was shocked Fraser was even thinking about fucking him up the ass.
Finally, he managed to free his mouth, even as a second of Fraser's
fingers probed him. 

        "Fraser, no!" he gasped at the odd sensation and the way his ass
muscles contracted at the intrusion. It hurt but it also felt...he shook
his head and ignored that part. He wasn't ready for this step, he thought
he could do whatever came along, try anything once was his motto, but
something about that particular act scared the hell out of him. "Wait, I
didn't..." 

        "You said anything," Fraser reminded. His voice was dark with
desire as he licked his way across Ray's throat and up to his left ear.
"I'll be careful, Ray. Please, I want to make love to you. It's all I've
dreamed of for so long..." 

        He captured Ray's mouth again and inserted a third finger into
Ray's ass. He remembered reading about a special spot that was supposed to
be very pleasurable to a man. He knew if he could find that spot, Ray
would relax and enjoy it 

        "Mmmrrammph!" Ray protested, again trying to get free, but Fraser
had him pretty much pinned to the wall and any struggling just seemed to
jam the Mountie's fingers that much further inside him. Ray blinked at the
tears of panic and pain that were misting up his eyes. 

        Fraser was trying to be gentle, but Ray's struggling was only
increasing his partners discomfort. Finally, Fraser released him,
unwilling to go any further if Ray was this dead set against it. He pulled
away and stepped back, watching Ray grip the wall for support and close
his eyes tightly. The American's erection had diminished noticeably and
Fraser was immediately contrite. 

        "I'm sorry, Ray," he offered, quietly. "I...I lost control, I
thought you...I never meant..." He shook his head. "I would never do
anything you didn't want me to." 

        "Christ, Fraser!" Ray hissed, attempting to catch his breath and
compose himself from the panic that had controlled him.  His fear turned
to anger. "No means no, God damnit! Give me a break here, we just started
this thing yesterday-I can't be ready for...it's too soon, yet, Fraser." 

        "Please, forgive me, Ray," Fraser requested, ashamed. "I know this
is all new and I...I never meant to press you I...I just got overly
excited. I'm sorry." 

        Ray didn't know which he found more amazing, the fact that he
could excite Fraser like that, or that Fraser had lost control because of
it. The Mountie had caused Ray to lose control many times, but that was
because Ray was hugely emotional and Fraser's exterior calm only
aggravated an already tense situation. The idea that Ray had triggered
such a response in the resolutely cool Canadian was mind boggling. Ray
started to calm down. 

        D...Don't be sorry it's...it's not you, Fraser." 

        "I never should have started this!" Fraser exclaimed, frustrated.
"I...I better go." 

        Ray caught him, as he started to open the door and pulled him back
inside. "No, no, Fraser. Stay. We can...we can still..." 

        Ray stumbled over the words and he wondered if he would be so shy
about saying the same things to a woman. He never had any trouble talking
dirty to Stella when they were married. In fact, Stella was more vocal in
the bedroom than Ray had ever been, so it had to be that fact that Fraser
was a man. Stan still wasn't comfortable enough to vocalize what he wanted
when it was another man he was talking to. 

        "Com'ahn," Ray encouraged, ignoring the throbbing in his ass and
pulling Fraser closer to rub against him. "Don't get in tiff." God! Now he
did sound like he was talking to Stella again. "I...I mean we don't have
to stop we can just...do other stuff for now, okay? Ben, please?" 

        Fraser remained silent, but his heart contracted when Ray used his
given name. His eyes fluttered closed in appreciation when Ray started to
stroke him again. He wanted to continue, he wanted to please both himself
and Ray, but he was ashamed for pressing his partner and for crossing that
line. 

        "I can't," Fraser refused and stepped out, closing the door behind
him. 

        Ray hit the wall in frustration, then quickly rinsed off and
stepped out. He dried off, then wrapped one towel around his hips and
draped another around his neck. Fraser had already gathered his clothes
and returned to the bedroom. Ray stepped out of the washroom but did not
see his partner. 

        With a low growl and a shake of his head, Ray stalked over to the
bureau and pulled out some clean clothes. He pulled on underwear, jeans
and a heavy gray Sweat shirt. Dropping down on the bed, he pulled on his
socks and reached for his biker boots that lay beside the footlocker. He
towel dried his hair as much as he could, then was forced to let air dry
the rest, since there was no electricity for a hair dryer. He pulled it
back in a pony tail with a vicious twist, then fell backwards onto the
rumpled sheets. 

        "Oh Christ!" he cried, suddenly and jumped from the bed. The
birds! He was supposed to feed them every two hours the book said. What if
they died last night while he was asleep! 

        "The birds are fine, Ray," Fraser assured, quietly when his
partner rushed out to the main room of the cabin and over to the nest,
perched above the stove. The Mountie had changed into dry jeans and his
Ivory turtle neck. "I checked on them when I got up and they were chirping
away." 

        "They look okay," he concurred as the baby hawks seemed to
brighten up at his appearance and started squawking loudly. He grinned and
gently petted each of them with the tip of his finger. "Hi there, babies.
Don't worry I got'cha. Food's comin' right up." 

        Fraser set Dief's bowl of food on the floor and watched his
partner heat the mixture that the book had recommended using. They had
made the milk and bread concoction last night and now Ray had to feed the
birds with an eye dropper, careful not to give them too much. 

        "What would you like for breakfast, Ray?" Fraser inquired. He
spoke with his usual passive calm, so Ray figured if the Canadian wanted
to forget about what happened he would allow it. 

        "Eggs and ..." Ray stopped in mid sentence, horrified,  and
glanced down at the birds waiting impatiently for their next eye dropper
of food. "Um...how about pancakes?" 

        Fraser smirked but did not comment. Instead, he retrieved the
required ingredients and set about preparing the batter. He couldn't help
smiling as Ray's cooing voice reached him. 

        "Nooo, I didn't mean eggs, honest," Ray assured the birds as he
continued to feed them. "It was all a misunderstanding." 

        "Ray, hawks are carnivorous, it won't matter if you eat eggs in
front of them," Fraser reminded. 

        Ray shot him a scolding glance. "Fraser, it's the principle of the
thing. Would you eat another wolf in front of Dief?" 

        Diefenbaker raised his head from his bowl and cast Ray a look of
betrayal. He vocalized his distaste and Fraser shook his head. 

        "He didn't mean it like that, Dief," he assured the wolf as he
added wood to the stove to heat the griddle. 

        "Well?" Ray demanded as he finished feeding the birds and put
their mixture away. 

        "Of course I wouldn't, Ray," Fraser replied as he poured a
spoonful of batter onto the pan. " Not only because it would offend
Diefenbaker, but also wolves are horribly thick skinned, it would be like
eating shoe leather." 

        "Like you haven't done that before," Ray teased, trying too
lighten their earlier mood. 

        "I was a child!" he protested. 

        He had told Ray the story of boiling his good shoes to make soup
after he had wandered away from his grandmother and gotten lost without
any food or even a compass. As much as Ray complained about Fraser's
stories, the American seemed to remember every detail to use against
Fraser later. 

        The birds were still squawking, so Ray walked over to his stereo
and put on some music. They quieted down almost immediately and went to
sleep. Ray remained in the center of the living area, swinging to the
gentle beat. 

        "Bird music," Ray decided, and pretended to be a conductor for the
tune, as Fraser watched him affectionately. "So what did Mags have to say
about Bonnie?" 

         "Ah, yes, well, you see, Ray," he began. "They have been trying
to reach Bonnie's next of kin, which according to the papers in her
knapsack was her Father's sister, Astasia." 

         "So?" 

         "Well, the authorities managed to contact the woman's neighbor
and was informed that Astasia had been killed in a car accident two days
before." 

         Ray slowly lowered his hands and stopped dancing. He turned
around to meet Fraser's solemn gaze. 

         "What...what does that mean? Doesn't the kid have anyone else to
call?" 

         Fraser shook his head. 

         "So... where does that leave Bonnie, Fraser?". 

         "That was what I needed to talk to you about, Ray," he said. "So
far the authorities have not located any other living relatives, but they
will continue to search. The problem is that they have no where to really
house Bonnie until someone from her family can come and care for her." 

         "So what are they gonna do with her, Fraser?" Ray demanded,
furious and saddened by the young girl's predicament. She was too young to
deserve this much tragedy at once. "She's just a kid! She's all alone,
Fraser, is that what you're telling me? The kid lost her parents and now
she has no one because her stupid aunt died in a car crash the day
before?" 

         "I'm afraid that is exactly what I am telling you, Ray," Fraser
admitted quietly, watching his partner drop onto the sofa, forgetting all
about his music and the birds. 

         "Aww, man! That's...that is so wrong, Fraser! What will she do?
Who's gonna take care of her? Who's gonna want a blind kid?" 

         "Well, Maggie suggested to the authorities that Bonnie could stay
with her," Fraser explained. 

         "Yeah!" Ray agreed. Mag's would be a great Mother, well for as
long as Bonnie needs her anyway and she..." 

         "Maggie agreed to take her, then received her new posting first
thing this morning, Ray," Fraser interrupted, regretfully. "She has to
leave for Yellowknife in two days and she cannot take Bonnie with her. She
will be gone for a couple of months on a retrieval mission." 

         "Then what happens to Bonnie?" Ray demanded again. He was
starting to get confused here. 

         Again Fraser pulled at his ear and shuffled his feet,
uncomfortably. 

         "I...well, I suggested that... I mean I said I would ask you if
you would agree to...to Bonnie staying here with us, Ray." 

         Ray stared at him. He couldn't be serious. They were two
bachelors, living in the middle of nowhere. The cabin was barely big
enough for them and Dief, where would they put a little girl? Not to
mention that they were too far out from a doctor if Bonnie became sick or
hurt. She was blind, how would they care for her out here. She could
wander off and get hopelessly lost. He couldn't believe Fraser was even
considering this. He felt sorry for the girl, naturally, but what had
Fraser been thinking? 

         "Fraser, we don't know anything about taking care of an eleven
year old blind girl," he finally stated, reigning in his temper. He knew
Fraser was just being helpful, as usual, but the Mountie couldn't have
though this out. 

         "We can learn, Ray," Fraser insisted. "Bonnie is a remarkably
well developed child and can show us whatever we need to learn to take
care of her. Maggie thinks Bonnie would accept us because she knows us, in
a way." 

         "Where will we put her, Fraser-she gonna sleep in the barn with
the sled dogs?" 

         "No, no-of course not!" Fraser scoffed. "I thought we could rig
half of the living area with blankets for a little room for her. I still
have my Father's cot and..." 

         "Fraser she's a little girl-she can't be sleeping on an army
cot!" Ray protested. "Besides, she'll need more privacy that just a couple
of blankets on a string. There's nothing here for her to do, she'd be
bored out of her mind. There is no way we can do this." 

         "We have to, Ray!" Fraser insisted. "For Bonnie's sake we must
try. She refuses to go with any of the Inuit women in the village. She
knows only us and Maggie. It will only be for a couple of months until
Maggie returns. Even less if the authorities manage to contact a family
member to take her." 

         Ray bowed his head for a moment, then rose and cast his eyes
toward window. He wanted to help Bonnie, but he just couldn't see how he
and Fraser could handle her. They might do more harm than good. Actually,
Fraser could probably take care of Bonnie very well, he was good with
kids, but Ray didn't know if he could suddenly become a parent or
guardian, regardless of for how long it would be. 

        He had always wanted kids, but this was different. He and Fraser
were still trying to figure out where their relationship was headed, a
little girl in their midst would probably not help matters. Still, if
Bonnie had no one else, they couldn't just abandon her. 

        "Fraser, it's your home..." Ray began, willing to leave the
decision up to his partner. 

        Fraser walked over to him, shaking his head and placed a hand on
Ray's shoulder. 

        "It's our home, Ray," he reminded. "If you truly don't agree with
Bonnie coming here then we simply won't do it. I'm sure one of the women
in the village will take her in." 

        Forcing the girl to live with one of the Inuit people in the
village, a stranger, after everything else the kid had been through would
be cruel. Ray also knew that Fraser would be very disappointed in him if
he turned Bonnie away. 

        He sighed. "Okay, Fraser," he agreed finally. "I don't think we
can do this, but I guess we can try for the kid's sake." 

        Fraser smiled relieved. "I knew you'd make the right decision,
Ray," he offered and started to pull Ray in for a hug. 

        "Yah, whatever," Ray muttered returned the hug briefly then
stepped back. 

        Fraser frowned. "Ray, are you still angry with me?" 

        Ray shook his head. "No, I wasn't angry with you to begin with, I
just..." he shook his head, then sniffed the air suspiciously. "Cakes are
burnin', Fraser." 

        "Oh dear!" Fraser hurried back to the stove to rescue their
breakfast. Luckily they were just a little burned on bottom, but not
enough to ruin the taste. He slid them onto a plate and poured two more
spoonfuls of batter into the griddle. 

        "Will you have to go and pick Bonnie up, Fraser?" Ray inquired,
from the living area. "Or will Mags bring her out?" 

        "We'll have to go into town, Ray," Fraser said as he turned the
cakes. "Maggie has to leave first thing in the morning, so she wouldn't
have enough time to make the trip here and back and still prepare for
duty." 

        "Hmmm," Ray acknowledged as he stood, rubbing his chin,
thoughtfully. "You should probably take the sled then, and pick up
whatever Maggie thinks a kid will need with her." 

        Fraser scowled and placed the two perfectly brown cakes with the
others. "Aren't you going to come with me, Ray?" 

        "Wouldn't be room if you're bringing Bonnie back, Fraser," Ray
reminded and Fraser nodded, disappointed. "Besides, I gotta take care of
the triplets' feeding and some other stuff." 

        "Is...is there anything I can pick up for you while I'm in town,
Ray?" Fraser offered as Ray finally joined him by the table. 

        "Nah, I think we got most of what we need," he replied as they
settled down for breakfast. "Eat up then I'll help ya get the dogs ready."


        Fraser settled at the table and did as instructed. _______________


        When Fraser arrived back at the cabin, it was late in the evening
and Bonnie had fallen asleep in the sled. The cabin windows glowed
invitingly from the lamps inside and Ray opened the door the moment the
team drew to a halt. Fraser's heart contracted at the smile that the
American cast him, as he jogged down the log stairs toward them. It was
nice coming home to Ray, but even more so now that they had become lovers.


        "Bonnie is asleep," he whispered and Ray nodded and glanced at the
child bundled under the blankets inside the sled. "I took the liberty of
purchasing a small bed for her and Ira said he will deliver it tomorrow.
The cot will have to do for tonight I am afraid." 

        "If it's only for one night she should be okay," Ray agreed,
keeping his voice soft to avoid waking her. "Grizzly was here, came just
after you left." 

         Fraser smirked at his partner's nick name for their closest
neighbor and friend Dalmar. He stepped off the sled and reached to pull
the sleeping child into his arms as Ray unhitched Dief and the team. 

        "Really?" 

        "Yah, I told him we had a little visitor coming and he helped me
out with some stuff." Ray stated as he released the team into the barn,
where tallow and water were waiting for them. "I'll take care of this, get
her in out of the cold." 

        Fraser nodded and stepped inside the cabin with Diefenbaker. He
paused, the moment he crossed over the the threshold. He immediately
noticed a difference in the usual the open space of the main room. A
partial wall to his right, made of the extra plywood they had left over
from when they built the water closet, seperated a small space from the
rest of the cabin. Fraser carefully walked around it impressed. 

        Ray and Dalmar had erected a small eight by ten room in the very
front of the cabin. They had moved Ray's stereo cabinet to the other side
of the room, closer to the kitchen area and away from the window that was
now a part of Bonnie's room. The sofa, chair and small coffee table had
been moved almost directly in front of the fireplace, which made the area
seem more cozy. 

        Lacking a proper door for the opening to the new space, the
blanket from their closet was now stretched across it. Fraser also noticed
that there were a variety of small polished stones bordering the doorway,
perhaps to aid Bonnie in locating the entryway.  He stepped around the
blanket and smiled at the small cot that was already set up with pillows
and blankets. One of the night tables from their room was placed in the
corner between the window and the cot, for Bonnie to use, and Fraser
noticed that Ray's dream catcher hung directly over the cot. 

        All the fuss Ray had made about the girl coming here and yet he
had worked so hard to fix up a proper room for her. Fraser would never
understand his partner's ever changing attitude. 

        "Ya gonna stand there all night or are ya gonna put her to bed,
Fraser?" Ray suddenly inquired, from behind him. 

        "Ray, how in the world did you manage all of this?" Fraser asked,
quietly as Ray pulled back the covers on the cot so the Canadian could
place the sleeping girl upon it. 

        "I told you, Grizzly stopped by," Ray returned as Fraser pulled
Bonnie's coat and boots off.  "It's not perfect and it's only temporary-a
good wind might knock it down, but it'll do for now." 

        "I think you both did a wonderful job," Fraser offered as he
slipped Bonnie inside the covers and Ray automatically pulled them over
her. "The bed I ordered should fit quite well in here. The stones along
the doorway were a very thoughtful and intelligent gesture, Ray." 

        Ray shrugged, unwilling to accept too much praise. "Ya hungry? I
made a stew, turned out pretty good." 

        Fraser nodded and followed him out, pushing the blanket aside and
allowing Ray to proceed him through. "That would be lovely, thank you." 

        Ray collected the bowls and utensils as Fraser poured them each a
glass of water. Dief settled in for his own bowl on the floor and the two
men sat across from each other to eat. 

        "I really am quite impressed, Ray," Fraser commented over a
mouthful of the tasty stew. 

        "Enough, already, Fraser," Ray muttered as he pushed his own meal
around in the bowl, uninterested. "I just did what had to be done, now
drop it." 

        Fraser frowned. Why was his partner being so defensive? Had Fraser
somehow offended him?  Perhaps, Ray really was upset that he'd been talked
into allowing Bonnie to stay with them. He reached for a slice of bread to
dip into the broth at the same time Ray did. He was startled when Ray
yanked his hand back as though burned. 

        "Ray, what's wrong?" 

        "Nothing." 

        "Something is, you're acting very strangely," Fraser insisted. "Is
it something I've done? Are you still angry with me about our...earlier
difficulty, or is it that Bonnie is here?" 

        "No to both, Fraser," Ray assured, keeping his eyes lowered on the
meal he was not bothering to eat. 

        "Then why aren't you eating?" 

        "I had a little earlier with Grizzly," Ray shrugged. 

        For some reason, Fraser was suspicious of that statement and he
felt jealousy stir inside of him. Did Ray have the look of guilt in his
eyes? He was keeping them hidden so it was impossible to be sure. Fraser
didn't know if Dalmar was gay straight or other, frankly the hermit was
something of an enigma. However, he was very much aware that Ray had not
been satisfied this morning because Fraser had gone too far and then
gotten upset and walked away. 

        He wondered, now that Ray knew he could find pleasure with a man,
if the American might accept it from others as well. Fraser knew he was
probably being irrational, but he couldn't help it. Ray had said he loved
him, but would that make him faithful to Fraser only? Was Ray even aware
that he would be expected to remain faithful? Ray would probably say he
was obsessing again, but he couldn't help it. 

        "How little, Ray?" he found himself asking. 

        Ray's gaze shot up to meet his, puzzled. "I dunno, we were workin'
hard, we needed a break and grabbed a bit while we could, why?" 

        "A bit of what?" 

        Ray stared at him. His eyes narrowed suddenly. "Stew, Fraser," he
stated, cautiously. "What did you think I meant?" 

        "I wasn't sure, that's why I was asking," Fraser returned taking
another mouthful of stew to prevent any further words from escaping and
digging him deeper in the hole he had made for himself. 

        Ray tossed his spoon into his bowl in disgust and rose from the
table, abruptly. "That's sick, Fraser! You think I was here humpin' Dalmar
while you were out picking up Bonnie? Have you seen that guy lately? He's
like something from the X-Files for cryin' out loud!" 

        Fraser was immediately contrite and rose to soothe his partner. He
longed for the times when he could keep his feelings and comments to
himself, but Ray had crawled passed his defenses long ago and the Mountie
was helpless to keep anything from him. Which usually ended up in Fraser's
bad attempts to say what was on his mind and getting him in even worse
trouble with his partner. 

        "I wasn't implying anything, Ray," he assured, knowing it was a
lie but needing to save face. 

        Ray waved his arms, furiously. "Fraser! I. Am. Not. Into guys! I
don't like men that way..." He paused at Fraser's wounded expression.
"I...I mean I like you that way but...but no other guys, Fraser." 

        "Ray, if you have an attraction for one than you cannot help but
be attracted to others as well, it's human nature," Fraser insisted,
logically, hiding his pain through his usual manners and decorum. 

        "I never said I could explain it, Fraser," Ray growled. "Hell, if
I could explain any of this...whatever this is that's been happening maybe
I wouldn't feel so helpless." 

        Fraser blinked then lowered his eyes. "I wasn't aware you felt
that way, Ray. Perhaps it would be better if..." 

        "Shut up!" Ray ordered, stepping up and covering Fraser's mouth
with his hand. "I swear Fraser, I swear to God if you suggest I leave one
more time I will-I swear I will and I'll stay gone. Is that what you want?
You want me to leave " 

        Fraser's eyes widened and he shook his head, emphatically, since
he could not reply with Ray's hand over his mouth. Of course he didn't
want his partner to leave; he'd be lost if Ray wasn't here. He was only
trying to do what was best for Ray and his intentions were all coming out
the wrong way. 

        "Is that it, Fraser?" Ray's voice had dropped to a dangerous
growl. His palm remained over the Mountie's mouth. "Do you figure if you
say it often enough I'll finally take the hint? Ya want me to go
away-'cause I can." He snapped his fingers. "Like that, buddy and I'm out
of here. I got a whole life waitin' for me back in Chicago-I don't need to
be here with you-get me?" 

        Fraser mumbled something against Ray's hand but Ray was too far
enraged to listen. 

        Fraser's accusation that Ray would have sex with another guy, out
of spite for this morning, was the straw that broke the detective's back.
He'd tried to be subtle with the Mountie. He tried being direct. Ray tried
being loving and gentle and even exasperated, but nothing could convince
Fraser that he wanted to be with him. 

        Ray was still trying to deal with his own feelings for Fraser. He
didn't have the patience or the will to help the Mountie deal as well. He
couldn't keep reassuring Fraser or what he felt, because he hadn't yet
worked it all out himself. He admitted he was in love with Fraser, no
other emotion could screw with your mind and body the way love could and
Stan was definitely on a roller coaster ride lately. He wanted Fraser,
emotionally and physically, and so he could admit that too. 

         Ray was still a little scared about the changes that had come
over him and what they meant. He didn't yet feel ready for certain things,
like what Fraser had tried in the shower.  It wasn't the Mountie's fault
it was Ray's. His mind was messing with him, telling him it was acceptable
to suck another guy's cock, and have it done to you. Yet, to take it up
the ass meant you were a fag, a degenerate, Ray didn't know what exactly
it would make him, only that it would change him even more from the person
he was. He'd told Stella he was finally comfortable in his own skin, now
he didn't know whose skin that was. 

        Fraser was always the one who had all the answers. Fraser was the
one that was always so sure about everything and so willing to accept
things that others considered out of the ordinary. Fraser was out of the
ordinary, so it was easier for him to except things or people that were
different. 

        However, Ray was getting frustrated having to reassure the Mountie
every five minutes that he did want to be with him. There was only one way
left to prove that Ray wanted to stay and that he wanted to be Ben's
friend and lover. 

        He took a step forward and Fraser automatically stepped back to
maintain his balance. Seconds later, Fraser was backed up against the
outside wall to their bedroom with Ray's hard body pressed against his;
Fraser's mouth still encumbered by his partner's hand. 

        Suddenly, Ray's hand was replaced by his mouth and Fraser inhaled
sharply at the contact. He could feel Ray's arousal against his own and
was unable to prevent his hips rocking forward to increase their intimacy.
Fraser's arms crept around Ray's body on their own volition. 

        Ray retaliated with a bone crushing embrace of his own as he
continued to explore Fraser's mouth, hungrily. He felt like he was about
to burst out of jeans from their sweet friction was causing but he
couldn't stop now if he wanted too. All other thoughts, all other self
incriminations were banished by the incredible feel or being in Fraser's
arms. 

        "I don't want to leave, Fraser," Ray whispered when they were
forced to part for air. His hands continued to roam the Mountie's body.
"There's nothing for me in Chicago, nothin' I want. Ask me to stay, Ben,
ask me and I will, forever." 

        Fraser moaned in sweet desire. "Stay, oh please, stay, Ray," he
gasped as Ray's hands found their way inside his jeans. "The bedroom, Ray,
Bonnie might....she might wake up." 

        Ray nodded and they both stumbled inside their room and closed the
door. They stripped each other quickly and met on the bed. Ray claimed
Fraser's mouth again, unable to get enough of the sweet taste of the
Mountie. They continued to grind their sensitive flesh together in slow
deliberation. 

        "I'd never betray you that way, Ben," Ray insisted, huskily as
Fraser rolled them over and attacked his partner's throat and shoulders
vigorously. "I don't want any... ahhhh... any other guys or...hmmmmm...or
w...women." 

        "Not even Stella?" Fraser couldn't help asking as his partner
writhed beneath his touch. 

        "Stella who?" Ray sighed as Fraser kissed his way down his body.
"God! Oh God ya make me feel so good, Ben, so damn good-it's incredible!" 

        "Oh, Ray," Fraser moaned and took Stan's erection into his mouth.
He was prepared for his partner's initial thrust and quickly pinned Ray's
hips to the bed so he could maintain control. 

        Determined to make up for his reprehensible behavior from this
morning, Fraser licked and nipped his way up and across Ray's swollen
shaft, then down over his balls. Ray released a cat like whimper and again
tried to thrust upwards to regain the Mountie's mouth. Fraser pulled his
hand around and started to stroke his partner as his tongue continued its
journey down. Ray bucked against him when Fraser's tongue found what he
had been looking for. 

        "Fraser!" Ray gasped, shocked, frightened and aroused,
simultaneously. "Wh...what are you doing?" 

        Fraser licked at him again and Ray threw his head back in silent
torment as Fraser moved in and stuck his tongue all the way inside his
partner's hole. Ray wanted to hate it, should have been disgusted by it,
yet he found himself bracing his feet flat on the bed and raising upwards,
deepening the Mountie's contact. 

        "Christ! Oh God what is...?" 

        Fraser slowly inserted one finger and felt Ray contract against
him. If Ray told him to stop he would, but for now his partner was
allowing the Canadian's exploration. He rotated his finger and his tongue
until Ray's hole was glistening wet from his saliva and Stan was moaning
helplessly beneath him. 

        "Do you like this, Ray?" he inquired, his voice deep with barely
restrained passion. "Do you want me to stop?" 

        "Yes," Ray's reply was automatic, but a moment later he spoke
again. "No. I...I don't know I just..." 

        Fraser crawled back up over him and again started to grind their
cocks together. 

        "Whatever you want, Ray," Fraser murmured as he rode the wave of
exquisite sensation that his partner's body was inflicting.  "I won't
do...ahhh...any...anything you don't want." 

        Ray moaned and caught Fraser in a deep throated, mind-blowing
kiss. He'd never been this excited, not even with Stella. That was an
accomplishment in itself, since sex with Stella had been the closest thing
to paradise Ray had ever experienced. His hips had a mind of their own as
he continued to move against Fraser and felt his organ cry for release. 

        "You like this?" Fraser growled into Ray's mouth as they continued
grinding their bodies, slick with perspiration, together. "Is this what
you want, Ray?" 

        "Yes," Ray moaned, returning the kiss eagerly while trying to
focus long enough to form words. "Mmmm, yah, Ben, this is it. This
is...mmmmm, that really...aaah... butters my muffin, buddy." 

        Fraser smirked. "Do you want me to stop, Ray?" he found himself
asking, still worried about Ray's earlier reaction. 

        Ray shook his head so hard that Fraser heard his neck pop. 

         Fraser massaged his partner's neck with the palm of his hand.
"Did that hurt?" he inquired mildly amused. 

         Ray grinned and pulled him back in for a kiss. "Did what hurt?"
he retorted, trying to claim Fraser's mouth once more. 

        Fraser had other ideas, however, and he dipped his head to pull
one of Ray's nipples into his mouth. Ray arched against him, surprised and
Fraser flicked his tongue against the sensitive nub. After a few minutes
of that, leaving Ray weak-kneed and craving more, 

        "Suck me!" he finally cried, urgently. "God please!" 

        Fraser didn't hesitate, he moved quickly to engulf his partner's
erection, glad for the treat. 

        "Wait!" Ray protested, weakly and Fraser paused and released him.
Forming words seemed impossible at this stage but Ray managed because it
was important. "What about you? You...you have to...to...together, Ben. I
want it done together." 

        Fraser needed no further encouragement and quickly positioned
himself opposite of the way Ray lay on the bed, as Ray moved down to
accommodate him. Once more, he was presented with Ray's dripping cock
directly in front of him, and reached for what his partner was offering.
Fraser's hips rocked forward as he felt Ray's mouth close over his
hardened organ and he moaned in contentment. He pulled Ray's cock into his
mouth and started to suck his partner like Stan was the sweetest candy. 

        The vibration of Ray's moans of appreciation around Fraser's cock
was almost the Mountie's undoing-but he was trying to wait so they could
reach their orgasms together. He increased his pace and fondled Ray's
balls with his free hand. 

        "Mmmmrranph!" Ray exclaimed as his hips rocked frantically on the
bed, fucking Fraser's mouth with hard, urgent thrusts. He tried to calm
his movements, not wanting to choke his partner, but Fraser would squeeze
his ass or balls or wiggle that talented tongue of his to encourage Ray
further. 

        That's it, Ray, he urged silently, even as he felt his own orgasm
surge forward through his cock. He wanted Ray to cum, more than anything,
with a mind blowing orgasm. He tried to pull out when he was close,
knowing Ray was not prepared to swallow, but his partner's movements were
fast and frenetic and Fraser could no longer control his own thrusts into
Ray's mouth. 

        He started to warn Ray, but then his mouth was filled with warm,
salty liquid and he was forced to swallow to avoid choking. He felt his
own release flood Ray's mouth and again tried to pull back, but Ray
surprised him by swallowing all of it and continuing to lick at Fraser's
cock. 

        "Uuunnngghhh," Fraser protested and pulled out. There was only so
much he could feel at once and his throbbing cock was incredibly sensitive
now. "My God!" 

        "Mmmmmmm," was Ray's response as he flopped on his back, spent.
"My God Book two." 

        They both started to laugh. 

        "What the hell are we doing, Fraser?" Ray sighed, his tone filled
with a baffled amusement. 

        "Playing it by ear, as you suggested," Fraser returned smiling. 

        Ray managed to pull himself around so he was facing Fraser again.
He leaned in and kissed the Mountie, tenderly. 

        "This is so fucked up," he sighed, settling against his partner
and cuddling into Fraser's chest. "How can we be feeling this way?" 

        "I'll have to pass on that one, my friend," Fraser commented,
running his fingers through Ray's hair, absently. 

        Ray reared up in horror. "My God! Something you don't have an
answer for!" 

        Fraser hit him with one of the pillows and Ray laughed. 

         Diefenbaker scratching at the door caught their attention and
Fraser rose to pull on his jeans and allow the animal inside. Instead of
crossing the threshold however, Diefenbaker released a series of whines
and looked behind him toward Bonnie's room. 

         "I'll be right back, Ray," he assured and followed Dief out. 

         Ray rose and quickly dressed, concerned that something was wrong
with their new charge. As an after thought he grabbed a flannel shirt out
of the closet for Fraser. He stepped outside the room and across the main
portion of the cabin to check on the little girl. He quietly pulled the
blanket at the doorway aside and looked in. 

         Fraser had brought the lamp from the living room inside and was
crouched beside the cot, speaking quietly and in reassuring tones. Bonnie
was sitting up and stroking Diefenbaker who had curled up beside her,
protectively. 

         "You're all right now," Fraser told her, gently. "You're at our
home. You fell asleep on the way here and I didn't want to wake you." 

         "I was frightened," she admitted, quietly. "Nothing smells
familiar here and it...it was so quiet." 

         "She okay?" Ray asked from the doorway and her head turned toward
him. 

         "Is that my hero?" she inquired softly. Her accent seemed more
pronounced than before, perhaps because she was still dealing with
everything that had happened and being in a new place. 

        Fraser smiled as his partner's cheeks turned a bright pink. 

        "Yes, that is my partner,  you rememeber him as Stan, but everyone
calls him Ray," he informed when Ray declined to answer. "You remember him
don't you?" 

        Bonnie nodded. "Are you angry that I am here?" she inquired, shyly
of both of them. 

        "Of course not," Fraser assured, quickly. "We're delighted to have
you. You'll have to patient with us, however. Neither Ray or I have had
much experience with young women your age." 

        "I am blind," she stated. "I will be a burden." 

        "That's crap," Ray insisted, suddenly moving toward her as he
tossed Fraser the shirt. Fraser could have put it more delicately than he,
but Ray wasn't about to let her think they didn't want her here; she had
enough on her plate to worry about. 

        Fraser rose and allowed his partner to settle in his place,
watching Ray pat her hand, awkwardly when she reached for him. 

        "You're not a burden to us, you're a blessing, Bonnie," he said,
firmly. "Don't you ever think anything different, okay? Fraser and me,
well...we may not know a lot about how to take care of ya, but we're good
at learnin' so you'll just have to speak up and tell us what ya need,
that's all. Can you do that?" 

        Bonnie's stared at Ray so hard that it was difficult to believe
that she could not see. Finally, she nodded, slowly. 

        "You are both very good to...to do this I...I just do not wish to
be in the way." 

        "Nah, you won't be in the way," Ray explained. "But, there isn't a
lot to do up here, me and Fraser just kinda hang out most of the time. If
you get bored or there's something ya want to do you have to tell us,
okay?" 

        Bonnie nodded. "May I ask you to...to show me your home then?" 

        Ray stood and pulled her covers back, helping her to her feet. He
handed her off to Fraser who immediately took Bonnie's hand and placed it
on his forearm. 

        "I'll let Fraser show ya," Ray offered. "I'll get you lost." 

        Bonnie almost smiled, but her great sadness prevented it from
completely forming. 

        Ray realized he would have to try harder to help the girl rid
herself of that particular burden. Fraser walked with her, first around
her room, then around the cabin. He told her where things were in relation
to the direction she was facing. Ray followed but stayed out of the way,
as did Diefenbaker, as if sensing the girl's handicap and not wishing to
be underfoot. 

        "We have no electricity here, Bonnie," Fraser was explaining as he
held Bonnie's hand a few feet from the stove so she could feel the heat,
but not get burned touching it. "This wood stove is what we use for
cooking and to heat the cabin in general." 

        He had allowed her to touch the grill of the fireplace, so she
would know not to step any further and find herself in the fire itself. Of
course, Fraser and Ray only lit the fireplace when the mood struck or when
it was very cold outside for added warmth. 

        "It is a small home, yes?" she inquired. 

        "Yes, but more than enough for Ray, Dief and myself," he added a
smile to his tone. "And for you as well now." 

        "Probably not what you're used to, huh?" Ray asked her from his
relaxed position against the wall of the kitchen. 

        "Our home was big yes," Bonnie agreed, as she paused and reached
in the direction of his voice. "But this is nice too. It will be less to
remember." 

        Ray pushed off the wall and allowed her to touch him, so she could
connect a body with the voice. 

        "I promise not to move the furniture around on ya when you're not
lookin'," he offered then cursed himself for being so insensitive. He
hadn't meant to say that, but he was nervous about having her here and as
usual he hid behind sarcasm. He glanced at Fraser in concern. Both men
looked down at Bonnie who had grown still. 

        "Thank you," she returned, quietly and her lips held a ghost of a
smile. "My Papa used to threaten to do that with me if I was bad, but Mama
said he was only playing with me." 

        "I didn't mean it either, Bonnie," Ray said, remorsefully.
"I...you'll have to ignore me, my...my mouth takes control sometimes and I
don't ever know what's gonna come out. I'm really sorry." 

        "It is all right," she told him. "If you did such a thing I would
just have to ask Fraser to take away your candy." 

        Ray frowned. "My candy?" He exchanged a puzzled glance with
Fraser, who returned his stare, blankly. "I don't have any candy." Well,
he had some Smarties in the cupboard for his coffee but how would she know
about those? 

        Bonnie frowned. "I...I thought...I guess I misunderstood. You
smell like peppermints, I thought you were eating candy." 

        Fraser was hard pressed not to smile at Ray's confusion, since the
Mountie had also noticed that particular scent seemed to linger on his
partner. 

        "Um....maybe it was my gum," he offered, scratching his head.
However, he wasn't chewing any right now, so that didn't make sense
either. Still, he had to explain it, somehow. He noticed Fraser's eyes
were sparkling wickedly and reminded himself to grill the Mountie later
about what he found so amusing. 

        "Oh," was all Bonnie offered. 

        Needing the focus to be taken off him, Ray said. "What does Fraser
smell like?" 

        "Soap, I think," she decided. "Leather and..." she paused.
"Something else I cannot place." 

        "Snow," Ray supplied before he could stop himself. He lowered his
eyes away from the Mountie's intense stare. "Or...or maybe something like
that." 

        Bonnie nodded. "Yes, like winter," she agreed. 

        Fraser smiled and continued to show her the rest of the cabin.
_____________ 

 
 

        Ray rolled over in his sleep and felt Fraser immediately adjust
his position to curl into his back and toss and arm over his hip. It was
amazing how comfortable it felt to share the bed as lovers and not just
friends. There wasn't a great difference in their sleeping patterns, of
course, but each seemed particularly sensitive to the other's movements
now and adjusted accordingly to stay close. Not something they did before
their relationship changed.  They each tended to stay to their own sides. 

        Ray heard a strange sound through his heavy fog of sleep and then
a low growl. His eyes fluttered open and he sat up. 

        Another growl sounded and Ray carefully rose from the bed, trying
not to disturb Fraser, as he pulled on his jeans.  He retrieved the lamp
from Fraser's side of the bed, since Ray's table was now in Bonnie's room,
and lit the wick. He grabbed his gun from the top shelf in their closet
and headed into the main room of the cabin. 

        He found Bonnie, standing on the floor in the kitchen, quietly
crying. A glass lay shattered at her feet in a small pool of milk and
Diefenbaker was pressing against her legs in warning to keep her from
moving and cutting her bare feet on the glass. 

        Ray pushed his gun behind him into the waist band of his jeans,
and set the lamp on the kitchen counter. 

        "Bonnie," he said, gently, not wanting to startle her, as he
stepped around the mess, since he was also in his bare feet, and pulled
her up into his arms. "Careful, kiddo there's glass there." 

        "I...I am s...sorry," she hiccuped as he set her on the chair and
then moved to retrieve the broom and dustpan. "I...I was thirsty I...I did
not mean to...to make a mess." 

        It was very strange to listen to a young girl that did not use any
sort of slang or contractions in her speech, but Ray was slowly getting
used to it. He suspected Bonnie had led a sheltered life both in Russia
and Canada, perhaps due to her parent's status and her blindness. 

        "It's okay," Ray assured, quickly as he took care of the shards of
glass and mopped up the milk with a towel. 

        This was why he had been concerned about the child coming to live
with them, what if he hadn't woken up and she had cut herself? Thank God
Diefenbaker had become her shadow and would try and protect her. 

        "I...I did not mean to wake you," she offered, wiping at her
cheeks with a shaky hand. 

         Ray was relieved to see her cry, for whatever reason. She needed
to release some of her grief. 

        "I'll get ya a drink, don't worry about it," he assured, quickly
retrieving another glass and reaching for the milk on the counter. "Here
ya go." He handed her the milk and she accepted it with trembling hands.
"Are ya cold, honey? Do ya need some extra blankets on your bed or..." 

        "No...no thank you," she declined, sipping her milk and trying to
regain her composure. "M...May I ask...." She shook her head. 

        "What?" Ray encouraged. "You promised to tell us what ya needed,
Bonnie, so com'on-fess up." 

        "May I sleep with you, Ray?" she finally inquired. "I...I cannot
seem to sleep alone it....I am not familiar to this place." 

        Ray was surprised by the request. He'd been a cop for a long time
and he knew it was frowned on for a young girl, Bonnie's age, to be
sleeping in a bed with a grown man not her Father-especially two grown
men. But, they weren't in Chicago and there wasn't anything nefarious
about the request. He and Fraser would certainly not do anything to harm
her or make her feel uncomfortable and Bonnie was too naive to cause
trouble as some young girls did, just because they could. Ray could
certainly understand her fear and discomfort. 

        "Sure ya can," he finally decided, hoping he was making thw right
choice. "If you think it will make ya feel better. Fraser snores though,
so I hope you're a sound sleeper." 

        "Do you...you and he sleep together in one bed?" she inquired and
Ray bit his lip. 

        "Um...yah." Would Bonnie start asking questions now that Ray might
not have the answers for? 

        "Will there be enough room for me?" 

        Ray grinned in relief. "Oh sure, the bed's pretty big and you'll
have a better bed tomorrow to sleep in yourself- I know that cot isn't
very comfortable." 

        Bonnie nodded and finished off her drink. 

        Ray put the glass in the sink and the milk back in the cooler. He
took her hand and retrieved the lamp and then led her back to his and
Fraser's room. 

        Fraser was awake and sitting up. 

        "Are you all right, Bonnie?" he inquired, softly and watched
Bonnie shyly move closer to Ray. 

        "She wants to sleep with us, Ben," Ray explained, cautiously,
knowing his friend would also understand why he was wary. "That okay?" 

        "Of course," Fraser assured and quickly rose to pull on his shorts
and a T-shirt to cover his nudity, even though the child could not see
him. "Is your bed uncomfortable, Bonnie?" 

        "I...I am just..." Bonnie shook her head, too shy to finish as Ray
pulled back the covers and helped her to climb inside. 

        "She just wants to sleep with us, Fraser," Ray said pointedly as
he put his gun away and handed the lamp to Fraser. 

        Fraser nodded. 

        "Well, we welcome the company," the Mountie assured as he waited
for Bonnie to settle in the middle of the bed before he and Ray shucked
his jeans and also pulled on shorts and a T-shirt, then got in on either
side of her. Diefenbaker jumped up and curled up at her feet. 

        Ray chuckled. "I think we're about as full as we can get now,
buddy." 

        "Indeed," Fraser agreed and blew out the lamp. 

        "Thank you both," Bonnie offered, already half asleep. 

         Ray was surprised when she immediately curled into him. He
exchanged a quiet glance with Fraser and wrapped his arm around her.
Fraser smiled and placed his hand over Ray's, which rested on Bonnie's
hip. ________________ 

        Bonnie adjusted rather well to life at the cabin. She learned
where things were pretty quickly and Fraser had tied a small leash to
Diefenbaker, so that he could take her for a walk around the property
without her getting lost. She started to feel more comfortable around the
two men and began selecting chores for herself to do. 

        She always did the dishes, regardless of Ray and Fraser's
protests. She wanted to earn her keep. She would help Ray take care of the
animals and his baby hawks. She would sit and listen while Fraser read to
her whenever she asked him too. Ray took her for rides on Malaki and she
would help goom the horse as well. Fraser showed her a way to tell each of
the sled dogs apart. 

        Ira had delivered her bed arrived a week ago and Fraser and Ray
had quickly set it up.  Jayad had come with him to deliver Maggie's jeep
and also her horse Morningstar, for them to care for 

        Ray had also put stone borders on their bedroom, bathroom and the
two doors exiting the cabin, in a particular pattern so Bonnie could tell
them apart easier. Although, she had the layout of the cabin memorized,
she had been touched by his thoughtfulness. 

        Fraser had managed to find a Braille labeler in town and he
labeled all of their foods as well as the cupboards in the kitchen for
what dishes went where. The Mountie also picked up a mail order catalogue
that had books, Braille writers and games for the blind, which he had
ordered a few things from for Bonnie's enjoyment. 

         Because it was so incredibly quiet for the young girl, Ray had
hooked up his stereo again and would leave it on for her at night to give
her something to listen to. She did not ask to sleep with the men again,
nor did she break any more glasses. 

         Diefenbaker followed her everywhere and divided his time between
her bed and Fraser and Ray's bed. The men would leave their door open for
either the wolf or Bonnie to find them if needed. This made Ray nervous
about staying naked after he and Fraser fooled around, so they had
reverted to sleeping with their shorts on at least. 

        Ray was out chopping wood when Bonnie stepped outside. She had
memorized the distance from the cabin to the barn in front and from the
cabin to where Ray chopped the wood in back. Ray was careful to toss the
logs in a small pile near him, for when Bonnie wanted to help stack them.
He tried to give her every opportunity to do as she wanted and help out,
but he still worried about her getting hurt. 

        "Hey, kiddo," he greeted. He split the log he had braced on the
stump and tossed it onto the pile. "I'm almost done here, ya wanna go for
a ride in a few minutes?" 

        He was surprised when Bonnie shook her head. Usually, the girl
enjoyed their rides together. He frowned and imbedded the ax in the stump,
then walked over to crouch beside her. 

        "You feeling okay?" he inquired, concerned and automatically
touched her forehead; she didn't feel too warm. "Anything wrong?" 

        "May we go into town?" she inquired, so softly that he had to
strain to hear her. 

        "What for?" he asked. "Did you need something?" 

        "I..." she lowered her head, embarrassed. "I...I have to...to
get...I have begun my...." 

        Ray stared at her, confused. 

        "What honey?" 

        "I..." her voice dropped to a bare whisper. "I have become a
woman." 

        Her words went completely over Ray head for a few seconds and then
suddenly he realized what she meant. 

        "Holy shit!" he exclaimed, then was immediately contrite. "I...I
mean, crap, I...I didn't mean to swear I just...I...FRASER!" 

        Fraser came running out, anxiously. "What is it, Ray?" 

        "Bonnie's...um...she's got it, Fraser!" Ray babbled. "The...the
thing...the...the woman thing...Fraser, she's...she's started
her...um...her....time." 

        Fraser smirked at his friend's embarrassment and panic. He nodded
and turned Bonnie toward him. "Ahh, well than I suppose you will need some
supplies. Mrs. Senesque anticipated that you would be starting soon so I
already have some materials for you, Bonnie." 

        Bonnie's face brightened in relief and embarrassment. 

        "Oh thank you," she whispered, gratefully. "I...I was...My Mama
told me all about this when...when the time came but I...I was asking Ray
to take me into town for the things she said I would need." 

        "No need, we have some here," Fraser assured as Ray watched,
bewildered. "However, I think we shall go into town tomorrow morning if
you are you to it. I've received a call from the authorities there and
they have received some of your things from your home; your parent's
lawyer sent them up along with some money from their estate." 

        Fraser did not elaborate how much money, but the eleven year old
girl had inherited a vast fortune. The reading of the will had left
everything to her and her aunt Astasia as her guardian. With her aunt
gone, the family lawyer had run a security check on Fraser and Ray. Having
received only the best news on both of them, the man decided to release
some of Bonnie's belongings and additional financial assistance. He would
continue to search for a relative to take the girl as well. 

        "Oh, my things?" she asked, excited. "Oh that would be wonderful."


        Fraser smiled and took her hand. "Let's get you taken care of
first." 

        She nodded and followed as Ray shook his head in awe at the
Mountie's ability to remain calm. ______________ 

        They had sequestered the use of Maggie's jeep while they were
caring for Bonnie, so the four piled in and headed for town. Ray was
bringing his nest of birds in to be looked at by the town vet, who thought
he might have found a sanctuary for them where they could be raised with
other hawks. Ray hated to give them up, but he had to do what was best for
them. There were certain things they needed to learn from their Mother or
another hawk, that Ray couldn't teach them. 

        While Fraser took Bonnie to the authorities and to pick up the
things that had been sent to her, Ray regretfully gave up Artemis' babies.
It was almost like losing Artemis again, but he kept telling himself that
this was what was best. He passed the skating pond on his way to meet
Fraser at the town hall and decided to sit for a minute. He didn't want
Bonnie or the Mountie to pick up on his foul mood. 

        Diefenbaker settled beside him, nudging his hands as if to say
-hey, I'm still here. Ray petted him absently and stared off toward the
horizon. Maybe he was just restless. He and Fraser hadn't had an
assignment in a couple of months and the detective was anxious to do
something other than hang out at the cabin. 

        Not that he didn't enjoy being with Fraser and Bonnie, but so many
changes had happened the past few weeks, Ray needed a break from thinking
so much-his brain was starting to hurt. Now would be a good time to start
smoking, he thought ironically as he leaned back on his elbows against the
bleachers and stared up at the bright blue sky through his shades. 

        God, he was tired, and he didn't know why. He wasn't sleeping the
best, probably too worried about Bonnie being in the cabin. When he was
awake he had hardly any of his usual energy. He wasn't eating as much
either, it seemed he was getting heartburn almost every night and his
stomach was in chaos. 

        He closed his eyes and continued to breathe deeply, trying to find
that slice of inner piece that he had found momentarily in the sweat
lodges a couple of weeks back. He heard the familiar cry of a bird of prey
and his eyes flew open to find the shadow of a hawk circling in the sky
above him. 

        "Artemis?" he whispered rising to his feet in wonder, but the
moment he tried to focus on the bird, it was gone. 

        He dropped his head, sadly and shoved his hands into his pockets.
Great, now he was seeing a dead bird. What more could go wrong with his
sense of reality? 

        Suddenly, the bird crossed again over the sun and cast a large
shadow across the pond where children were skating. Ray's heart leapt into
his throat as he watched the shadow engulf one of the children in its
wings. The child screamed. 

        Ray bolted awake and shot upwards on the bleachers. He glanced at
the pond then toward the sky. It had been a dream. He had been dreaming of
Artemis, or perhaps the spirit of the hawk. He heard the distinct cracking
of the ice as if it was a gun shot going off next to him. He ran for the
pond, yelling at the kids to get off. 

        One little native girl had slipped in her hurry and the ice gave
away beneath her. Ray dove for her, sliding across the ice and catching
her tiny hand in his. He pulled her from the freezing water and quickly
backed away from the fragile ice surrounding them. 

        People had appeared along the unpaved street, from houses and
store fronts to see what the commotion was about. Fraser was among them.
The child's Mother gathered her little girl into her arms, profusely
thanked Ray then hurried to get the child home and dried off. 

        "Ray, are you all right?" Fraser demanded worried. 

        Ray nodded and dropped back on the bleachers. His heart was in his
throat, but he was okay. "I'm good, I'm fine," he returned. "I thought
that ice was solid, Fraser?" 

        "It usually is but we have had some very warm weather lately,
Ray," Fraser admitted. "They shouldn't have been allowed on it at all
until it had been checked. They were very lucky you were here." 

        "Yah," Ray returned, remembering his dream, but unwilling to
discuss it just yet. "That's me the hero." 

        "You say that as if it is a bad thing, Ray," Fraser scolded and
helped his partner to his feet. "Com'on, Bonnie has retrieved her things
and we're going to grab something to eat at the pub." 

        Ray nodded and followed, occasionally glancing up toward the sky
as he walked; searching for something he knew would not be there.
__________________ 

 
 

        The two way radio cackled and the tower operator from town called
to them. 

        "Alpha base to Cross Creek, come in over." 

        Ray was stretched out on the floor with Bonnie, engrossed over one
of her new Braille books. She was attempting to show him how to read the
alphabet using the raised dots on the pages. 

        He rolled to his feet and hurried over to grab up the mike as he
perched on the corner of the desk. Cross Creek was their signal name,
since they were the only ones that lived between the desolation of
Fortitude Pass and the dangerous ice flows of the Banahayla River. 

        "This is Cross Creek, go ahead Alpha Base, over," he instructed as
Bonnie picked up her books and headed off to her room with Dief. Fraser
paused and turned toward him, wiping his hands on a towel, from where he
had been preparing their lunch. 

        "Hey, Ray is that you?" the operator asked and Ray grinned. 

        "No, it's Dief, he's practicing ventriloquism, what'da think?" 

        "I think you're a smart ass," she retorted amused. "I've got a
call from your Mother, Barbara Kowalski." 

        Ray met Fraser's surprised gaze across the room as he tried to
swallow the sudden panic rising inside him. His parents wouldn't be
calling unless something was wrong. 

        "Um...p...put it through, Jenna," Ray requested quickly and a
moment later his Mother's sweet voice came over the wire. 

        "Hello? How does this thing work, Damien? Hello? Stanley are you
there?" 

        "I'm here, Mum," Ray assured. "Just talk normal, I'm receiving you
okay. What's wrong?" 

        "What? Oh Stanley the reception is terrible. Damien I can't hardly
hear him at all. Do you think he can hear me?" 

        Ray sighed in amusement, his fear that something was wrong with
his folks, lessening somewhat. "Mum, just press the button on the base of
the mike when you talk and release it when you want to hear me." 

        "Stanley! Hello, Stanley? Oh dear I think this is broken." 

        Fraser had joined Ray at the desk as his partner shook his head in
exasperation. 

        "You're not doing it right, honey," Damien's deep voice insisted
from the other end of the wire. "You have to let go of this thingy here so
you can hear him. Hello, hello, son can you hear us now?" 

        "I hear you Dad," Ray acknowledged, grinning at Fraser. 

        Damien continued to talk, not realizing he was still holding the
transmit button. "Ah, see there, Barbara, that's how it's done. Oh well,
no, I've done the same thing you did." 

        "It isn't so easy now is it?" Barbara demanded, smugly. 

         There was a moment of static and silence, where someone probably
showed them how to use the mike. Finally, Damien was speaking again. 

         "Okay, I have it now. Raymond are you still there, Son? Why the
hell don't you have a phone for Christ's sake!" 

         "We're too far out, Dad," Ray chuckled. "I hear you fine now.
What's going on? Are you both okay?" 

         "You see, I told you he would worry if we just called out of the
blue," Barbara was telling Damien in the background. "If you talked to
your son more often, he wouldn't be so worried to hear from us." 

         "Talk to him!" Damien insisted, again holding onto the mike,
unawares. "He's out in the middle of the flippin' Arctic circle, Barbara!"


         Fraser covered his giggles behind his hand as Ray hung his head
in shame. They weren't quite that far North but it was useless to explain
that to his Father. 

         "Stanley!" his Mother called again, having taken over the mike no
doubt. "Sweetheart are you okay? Are you eating all right? How is your
little friend, Benton?" 

         Little friend, Ray mouthed to Fraser, amused as he looked the
Mountie up and down. He cleared his throat before pressing the mike. 

         "We're both fine, Mum," he assured, reaching out to swat at
Fraser as he pretended to compare himself to Ray's height; a difficult
task since Ray wasn't standing upright. "How are you and Dad? Are you both
okay?" 

         "Oh, we're okay for a couple of old people," Barbara replied,
finally getting the hang of the way the mike worked. "We miss you,
Stanley." 

         Ray's expression softened and Fraser stopped teasing him. 

         "I miss you both, too," he told her sincerely. "Did you get my
last letter?" 

         "Yes, yes we did and it was wonderful. I have it memorized,
Stanley. I miss you so much, sweetheart, and so does Dad. That's why we've
decided to come for a visit." 

         Ray stared at the mike in shock. He glanced at Fraser, who also
looked taken aback. 

         "Stanley?" Barbara called, concerned when he didn't respond. "I
think I broke this silly thing again. 

         "You're probably holding the mike wrong again, Barbara," Damien
insisted. "Here, give it to me. Raymond? Son are you there?" 

         "I could have done that, Damien," she insisted in the background
as Ray finally found his voice. 

         "I'm here, Dad," he confirmed. 

         "Oh, good. Did you hear your Mother then?" 

         "Um...yeah, yeah I heard her," Ray acknowledged. He just couldn't
believe they were serious about coming. "Um...Dad, it's really not worth
the trip. We're real far out and Mum can't handle the cold well and..." 

         "I've tried to tell her all of that, Son," Damien concurred. "You
know your Mother when she gets an idea in her head, she's like a dog with
a bone. She wants to come see you so we're flying in one week from today.
I assume there's some kind of airport where you can pick us up or will we
have to ride camel or something to your place?" 

         "They...that's the desert, Dad," Ray corrected. "We don't have
camels in Canada, we have sled dogs." 

         "Well, whatever, you make the arrangements on your end. Here's
your Mother again." 

         "Stanley? Is your friend with you?" 

         "You mean, Fraser, Mum?" 

         "Yes, can I speak with him too or is this only one way?" 

         Ray shook his head and handed the mike to Fraser, unwilling to
explain to her that if the radio was one way, she wouldn't be able to hear
him at all. 

         "Hello, Mrs. Kowalski, this is Constable Fraser," Fraser greeted,
politely. 

         "Oh you're so polite, that's nice," Barbara offered. "Is our
visiting all right with you, it is your home after all and we wouldn't
wish to intrude." 

         "Tell her no it isn't all right!" Ray pleaded, pulling the mike
away from Fraser's hands before he could reply. "Tell her no, Fraser,
please." 

         "Ray, I most certainly will not refuse your Mother's request to
visit," Fraser scolded. "They want to see you, how can you deny them?" 

         "Tell them no anyway," Ray begged. 

         "On what grounds?" 

         "There's no room." 

         "They can have our bed, it worked fine when Ray and Stella were
here." 

         "Hello?" Barbara called. "Hello are you there?" 

         Fraser wrestled the mike from his partner's hands. 

         "Fraser, please," Ray insisted. "Tell them they can't come here!
You don't understand..." 

          Fraser gave him a reproving look. "Ray you're being childish.
They haven't seen you in a year and a half almost." 

         "Fraser, don't..." Ray began again but closed his mouth the
moment Fraser's fingers pressed the transmit button on the mike. 

         "Forgive me, Mrs. Kowalski," he offered kindly, frowning at his
partner. "There was some interference on the line. Of course you are both
welcome to visit, although, I must warn you we lead a very humble
existence here. There is no electricity, or stores." 

         "Oh I know all of that from Stanley's letters," Barbara assured,
calmly. "We don't need much and we promise not to make pests of
ourselves." 

         "Then we shall look forward to seeing you. If you will just call
again and let us know the exact time and day we can meet you at the air
field." 

         "Wonderful!" Barbara exclaimed, pleased. "Stanley, honey?" 

         Ray grabbed the mike that Fraser offered, sullenly. "I'm here,
Mum." 

         "We'll see you soon sweetheart. We love you." 

         Ray swallowed. "I love you, too," he returned, with genuine
affection. 

         "Okay well, under and over... Oh I mean over and up, no what was
it? Oh yes, over and out Stanley! Kisses from us, Baby." 

         "Kisses back, Mum," Ray returned and set the mike on the desk. He
leaned back, folded his arms across his chest and glared at Fraser.
"Aren't you forgetting something, oh Accommodating One?" 

         Fraser scowled. "What?" 

         "This," Ray insisted, grabbing Fraser by the collar and hauling
him in for a deep kiss. When they finally parted, Ray continued. "Vecchio
saw it. Stella saw it, Mags, saw it, Fraser. Every freakin' person but us
saw our attraction to each other-you think my folks won't?" 

         Fraser paled. "Oh dear." 

         Ray was reaching for him, again startled to find he wanted more
already. He hadn't had this active a sex drive since he was married to
Stella. Fraser was like that advertisement for some brand of potato chips,
you couldn't just stop at one chip. Ray couldn't stop at one kiss. 

         "Kisses, Ben," he whispered as he rose to meet Fraser a second
time. 

         "Kisses back," Fraser murmured into Ray's mouth. 

         They kissed and kissed and kissed for what seemed like forever,
then finally parted and stared at each other. Ray blushed and grinned at
the same time. _________________ 

 
 

         Fraser glanced up as the front door to Ira and Jayad's house
opened and Ray and Ira stepped inside. He stared at his partner in a
mixture of surprise and desire. 

        Ray had cut his hair short and now sported the deliciously wild
look that had first attracted the Mountie to him. Dressed in his best
jeans, black biker boots his leather waist coat and sun glasses, he now
looked deliciously like the dangerously, arrogant crime fighter Fraser had
met in Chicago. Fraser also detected the subtle scent of Ray's preferred
cologne and he felt himself falling in love all over again. Not only did
he look like the old Ray, he smelled like him too. 

        "Your hair!" Jayad screamed as he stepped out of the kitchen with
his and Fraser's tea. "What did you do to your beautiful hair!" 

        Ray smirked as Ira rolled his eyes at his partner's dramatics. 

        "He sold it to a gypsy trader for three shillings," Ira teased as
he grinned at Fraser. "Hello Fraser." 

        "Good morning, Ira," the Mountie returned easily, although he
didn't quite like the way the native was smiling at Ray. He swallowed his
jealousy and cursed himself for being so suspicious. 

        "Doesn't he look good enough to eat?" Ira grinned, as he stepped
behind Ray and pulled his jacket off him to hang up in the hall closet. "I
thought I was going to have a stroke when he told me he was going to have
it cut, but his mind was made up." 

        Ray shrugged and settled on the love seat next to Fraser, as Jayad
finally recovered from his shock and offered the Mountie his cup of tea.
"I can't see my folks lookin' like a throw back from the sixties," he
explained. 

        "Hey!" Both Ira and Jayad exclaimed in offense. 

        "Not you guys," Ray chuckled. "You keep it long so you can do your
tribe dancin' and stuff. I'm just a Polish guy from Chicago, nothing in my
heritage says I'm supposed to have long hair." He shrugged again and took
a sip of the tea Fraser offered him. "Besides, my Dad would have a fit."
He made a face and handed the cup back to his partner. "That's just nasty,
Fraser." 

        "It's a new sage tea that Jayad has discovered," Fraser explained,
mildly. "I quite like it." 

        "Ugg," Ray replied and glanced up at Ira, who was leaning on the
back of the love seat behind them. "Where's the coffee ya promised me,
Crow Head?" 

        "Still in the pot, Blondie," Ira retorted, then added sweetly.
"Wanna accompany me to the kitchen and see if we can find something hot
enough for you?" 

        Fraser willed his face to remain passive as he sipped his tea, and
tried to ignore the remark. Ira's flirting had never bothered him before;
the native was always trying to get a rise out of Ray one way or the
other, by trying to anger him or embarrass him. 

        Ray held his own, which only encouraged Ira to try harder. The
native's flirting seemed more blatant now that Ray had admitted he was
attracted to Fraser, which increased the Mountie's feelings of suspicion
and jealousy. Before, the Mountie assumed nothing would ever come of Ira's
attempts, now he was not so sure. 

        "We'd be in there a long time lookin'," Ray commented grinning.
"Nothing's too hot for me." 

        "I bet I could find a thing or two that could light your fire,"
Ira promised, tugging at Ray's shorter hair, playfully. 

        Fraser's grip tightened on his cup and he cleared his throat,
resisting the urge not to slap Ira's hands away from his partner. Jayad
noticed the Mountie's stiffened posture and brooding look and rose to his
feet. 

        "Come help me in the kitchen, Ira," he requested. "I'll help you
find the coffee." 

        Ira grinned and walked over to his lover, kissing his cheek
affectionately. "Best offer I've had all day, Luv." 

        Once they were alone, Ray gave Fraser's thigh a friendly slap.
"You okay with me cutting my hair or what?" 

        "It's your hair, Ray," Fraser returned, politely. 

        Ray scowled. "It's your hair, Ray," he mimicked, sarcastically. "I
know it's my hair, Fraser-I'm askin' if you're okay with it this way." 

        "I've always thought your hair was very attractive, Ray," Fraser
offered, trying to take the sting out of his voice. "It's appealing any
way you wear it, but I have really no say in your choice of style." 

        It wasn't Ray's fault that he was jealous. Personally he had
always thought himself above such childish emotions, but that apparently
wasn't the case. 

        Ray made a face at him and did a sarcastic head jiggle, before
grinning at him, amused. "What's got your bloomers in a knot, buddy?
Someone insult the Queen or something?" 

        Fraser ignored his teasing. "Well, Ira certainly approves of your
hair, so what difference should it make what I say?" 

        Ray stared at him. He blinked as comprehension dawned and he
started laughing. "Oh My Lord." He was laughing so hard he fell sideways
across Fraser's lap. 

        "I don't see what's so amusing," the Mountie insisted, annoyed,
pushing Ray off him. 

        "You think...." Ray sputtered and started to laugh again. "My God,
Fraser! First Grizzly now..." 

        Fraser rolled his eyes and felt his own lips twitch as his partner
struggled to control his laughter by reverting to a fit of giggles. 

        Finally, he started to compose himself and wiped the tears from
his eyes. "God, Fraser! Not that I'm not flattered ya think I'm such a
Stud Muffin and all these people are after me, but...." He chuckled again.
"Ira's a nice guy and all, a good friend, but thinkin' of him and me doin'
the wild thing together is enough to make my skin crawl!" He started
laughing again. "And thinkin' of it with Grizzly would put me in a coma!" 

        Fraser smirked and turned his eyes away, ashamed of himself but
amused by Ray's reaction. 

        "I'm thrilled that I am such a great source of amusement for you,
Ray," he retorted, curtly. 

        "Aw," Ray giggled and patted Fraser's shoulders. "Don't be that
way, I just think it's funny. I never had anyone jealous of me before," He
chuckled. "Especially not over another guy." He caught Fraser's chin and
forced the Mountie to turn and face him. "Com'ahn, give us a kiss." 

        "I don't want to," Fraser refused stubbornly and folded his arms
across his chest, childishly. "I don't think this is at all funny, Ray.
Ira is entirely too...too...I don't approve of his behavior and nor should
Jayad, I imagine." 

        "It never bothered ya before," Ray reminded grinning. "You used to
encourage it, as I recall." 

        "That was entirely different," Fraser protested. 

        "No, it's exactly the same, Ben," Stan insisted, gently. "I don't
feel any different about Ira now than I did then. The only thing that has
changed is you, so lighten up." 

        Fraser shrugged and lowered his eyes again. 

        Ray caught Fraser's chin a second time and leaned in to steal a
kiss. Fraser responded after only a moments hesitation. They broke apart
at the sound of Jayad clearing his throat. Ray straightened in his seat,
moving ever so slightly away from the Mountie and missing the hurt look
Fraser shot him. 

        "Aw, and me without my Kodack camera to catch these precious
moments," Ira teased as he handed Ray a cup of coffee. 

        Ray shook his head and smiled at Jayad, who had settled on the
matching sofa opposite them. "You need to put him on a leash, ya know
that?" 

        "Oh but he enjoys that too much, it's no good for discipline," Jay
informed with a wave of his hand. 

        Ray raised an eyebrow at Ira. "You're one sick puppy, Buddy." 

        "This from a guy who's still afraid of his parents," Ira retorted.


        Ray protested. "I'm not afraid of them!" He glanced at Fraser and
Jayad, sheepishly.  "I just...I'm protective of them. I don't wanna shock
'em or anything, y'know?" 

        "I think you're worried for nothing, Ray," Fraser assured. "Your
parents will probably be so thrilled to see you they'll forget about
everything else. Besides, they'll also have Bonnie to keep them busy." 

        Ray scowled. "Um...we probably shouldn't tell my folks about what
happened to Bonnie, Fraser." 

        "What shall you tell them, "Jayad insisted, wryly. 'That you found
her under a rock, she followed you home and you both decided to keep her?"


        "No, just...I don't wanna tell them all the details that's all,"
Ray denied. "They'll worry and..." 

        "Ray, your parents are not children, I thought you had learned
that?" Fraser scolded, mildly. "I'm sure they'll accept Bonnie's situation
with the same decorum their son has." 

        "Now I'm worried," Ira scoffed. 

         Ray shot him a warning glare before turning back to Jayad. 

        "Look, I know my folks, okay?" he insisted, firmly. "You tell my
Mum Bonnie was in a plane crash and lost her folks she'll feel really bad.
You tell her I was hangin' off a cliff to rescue the kid and she'll have a
stroke. I don't want to worry her." 

        "Then perhaps we'll omit that part," Fraser suggested, kindly. 

        "What a load of crap," Ira tossed as he settled next to Jayad, who
gave him a smack on the thigh for being rude and a kiss at the same time.
"I think you just don't want to sound like you're bragging to your folks.
What's wrong, are you afraid they might be proud of you or something?" 

        "My Dad wouldn't be proud he'd be callin' me a fool for riskin' my
neck!" Ray stated, his voice rising in anger. "Just like when I became a
cop-he said it was because I wanted to go out and be some stupid hero.
Well, I'm not gonna give him any other reason to make him think he's son's
a fool or insane, so shut the hell up and mind your own business!" 

        A lesser man would have shut up and been instantly apologetic in
the face of Ray's anger, but Ira was just as strong willed as the American
and he cared too much to keep quiet. 

        "So what?" he challenged and ignored the warning poke in the ribs
Jayad gave him. "Are you going to let what your Father thinks rule
everything you do and keep you from doing what you want? You're a grown up
for God's sake, act your age and don't be so stupid!" 

        Ray bolted to his feet, luckily he had set his cup down on the
table beside him a moment before, or it would have spilled onto the floor.


        "Don't call me stupid!" he warned. "I'll take a lot of shit from
you, Ira, but don't you push it." 

        Ira rose as well, eager to up the ante with Kowalski, as he always
did. "What do you plan to tell them about you and Fraser? Are you going to
tell them the truth or are you going to lie about that too? You are such a
coward, Kowalski. Come out of the closet for God's sake, I did." 

        "Ira, no..." Jayad pleaded, reaching for his lover's arm in
warning. 

        "Me and Fraser are none of their business," Ray growled,
menacingly. "And I already told you that I'm not like you. I don't care
how you live but don't push that life on me, I don't want it!" 

        "You're living it!" Ira insisted, bravely feeding off Ray's anger.
"You and Fraser are lovers now, you can't deny that; it's written all over
both of you. You fucked another guy-that makes your life just like mine
and Jay's and there's nothing wrong with that." 

        Fraser was too appalled to catch Ray before he struck and a moment
later Jayad was trying to pick Ira up off the floor. 

        "I haven't fucked, Fraser," Ray informed coldly, pointing down at
him in warning. "I told you to keep your fag fantasies to yourself, I
won't say it again. We are different, because I don't want to fuck any
other guys, Ira-that's what makes us different. I'm not gay, I'm not like
you-you get me?" 

        Ira smirked and wiped the blood from his mouth, hiding his hurt
behind sarcasm. "Yeah, you are like me, yank, you're going through the
same denial I went through. I'm just trying to save you a little confusion
and pain later on when you finally realize it, but if you don't want my
help, that's fine." He rolled to his feet and gently pushed an anxious
Jayad away from him. "That's twice that you've assaulted me, Ray-it won't
happen a third time." He turned and stalked off toward the kitchen. 

        Ray released a low growl and punched the air a few times in
frenzied frustration, then grabbed his head as though in great pain. "I'm
sorry, God Jay, I'm sorry." 

        "I'm not the one you need to apologize too, Ray," Jayad informed
him quietly, as he settled back on the sofa, exasperated. "I admit that
Ira went too far, but he is only trying to help you understand. We both
know how it feels to be so confused and out of sorts about who you really
are. Ira was wrong, but you had no right to hit him." 

        "I...I know, I just...." Ray stood and turned his back to them, so
they would not see the tears in his eyes. "I can do this. I. Can. Do.
This." 

        Fraser shook his head, catching his friend's stressful habit of
repeating himself and exchanged a meaningful glance and Jayad, who
appropriately rose and left the room to give them privacy. Fraser rose and
stood behind his partner and dropped his hands on Ray's shoulders. He had
been appalled that Ira would say such things, knowing Ray's temper, but he
was also hurt at the way Ray denied their relationship to be as solid as
Jay and Ira's. 

        "So you haven't fucked me," Fraser repeated, quietly, surprised
that he did not stumble over the words. Perhaps because what he had to say
was very important. "Does that mean you aren't willing to ever make love,
Ray? Or is it simply that you find the whole idea of being with me
preposterous?" 

        "Fraser...." Ray began, frustrated, but the Mountie continued. 

        "You told me to stop trying to push you away and to believe that
you want to be with me, yet you deny what we are to those closest to
us-the two people who would understand the most." 

        "I...I know and I don't...I meant what I said, Fraser I did I...I
just..." Ray shook his head and Fraser could hear the pain and confusion
in his friend's voice. 

        "I'm perfectly willing to keep our relationship from your parents
and whoever else you deem necessary, Ray," he decided, finally. "If that's
what makes you comfortable and will keep you with me, so be it. However, I
believe Ira has a point. You are in denial and I thought we were past
that. If you are ashamed of what you feel for me, then tell me so,
Ray-don't let it come out in anger or hide from others because of it." 

        Ray turned and wrapped his arms around Fraser, needing the
Mountie's support. "I'm not ashamed of us, Fraser," he denied and Fraser's
heart bled at the torment in his partner's voice. "I love you, I do. I
know that I do. I think I always have and that's why I was so scared when
Vecchio came back. I...I didn't realize it then and... and...and I'm
just..." 

        He increased his hold and pulled Fraser closer. 

        "I can't be gay, Fraser-I...I only like you. How can that make me
gay or Bi or whatever else they want to call it? I'm attracted to you
because I love you. I...it's not just physical...I mean, it is physical,
because you're a beautiful man. I thought that from the first day I met
you but I...it's not the only...Fraser I don't know what the hell I'm
doin' here!" 

        Fraser returned his partner's embrace and closed his eyes in
sympathy and gratitude. Ray did love him, he was just horribly afraid of
being labeled with a title most refused to have. 

        "I love you, Ben," Ray whispered. "Please forgive me for hurting
you by being stupid and sayin' things that don't even make sense to me. I
never meant that I never wanted to fu....to...to make love with you, I
just...making love isn't just about that one thing, Ben. It's anytime
you're sexual with someone that you love, and we have been... like that.
We have...we have made love, Ben and I...God I'm so sorry...I don't know
what I'm sayin' anymore but it's all comin' out wrong." 

        "Ray, what is it you're really afraid of?" Fraser asked quietly as
he made soothing circles on his partner's back to calm him. "Are you
afraid of not being known as strictly heterosexual anymore, or of
disappointing your parents?" 

        Fraser felt Ray's head brush against his in assent, but the blonde
was unwilling to say which one was true, so perhaps it was both. His heart
went out to his partner and he turned his head to kiss Ray's cheek,
tenderly. 

        Ray pulled back slightly. he reached up to craddle Fraser's face
in his hands, then turned his face toward his partner and covered the
Mountie's mouth with his own. Fraser returned the kiss, eagerly. He had
wanted this since Ray arrived looking so decidedly familiar and sexy in
his new hairstyle. However, he hadn't known how his partner would receive
such a public display, even if they were among friends. 

        Finally, they pulled back and stared at each other with all the
love between them shinning in their eyes. Ray's thumb continued to caress
the side of Fraser's cheek tenderly, as though in awe of what was between
them. 

        "I guess I'd better go apologize to Ira," Ray murmured, ashamed. 

         Fraser nodded and stepped back, offering his partner a reassuring
slap on the back. 

        Ray found Ira in the kitchen, holding an ice pack to his swollen
lip. Jayad was fussing over him, but they both turned as the American
entered the kitchen. 

        "I'll just go check if Benton needs more tea," Jayad decided and
left. 

        Ira stared at Ray and the American stared back. 

        "I'm sorry," the both said simultaneously, then grinned at their
foolishness. 

        "You can pop me back if it'll make ya feel better," Ray offered as
he once had with Fraser. 

        "As tempting as that offer is..." Ira began wryly. "I wouldn't
want to mess up that perfect face before your folks get here." 

        "Thanks," Ray offered, slightly relieved but still overwhelmed
with the guilt of losing his temper. "Can I...can I do anything to make up
for it?" He realized his mistake the minute the words were out of his
mouth and Ira began grinning at him wickedly. 

        "Weeeellll, maybe one little thing might help me to forgive you,"
he agreed. 

        Ray's posture became more erect in defense as he eyed the Native
warily. "Er...okay. What would that be?" 

        "My Mother used to kiss my boo-boos to make them better." 

        "I ain't your Mother, Ira," Ray reminded. "And I'm in enough
trouble with Fraser as it is." 

        Ira grinned. "Jealous type is he?" 

        Ray refrained from comment, knowing any acknowledgment of Fraser's
feelings would only give the Native more amunition to work with. 

        Ira chuckled at his stuborness and commented on Ray's other
remark."No, you're definitely not my Mother,  but it might still help,"
Ira pressed, innocently. "You did say you were sorry." 

        Ray pursed his lips in thought and shoved his hands in his pockets
to rock back on his heels. He should have hit the man a little harder, and
then he'd be in too much pain to be a wise ass. 

        "Won't Jay get a little ticked about another guy kissin' ya?" he
reminded, searching for a way around Ira's request. 

        "He was the one that suggested it," Ira replied, smiling at Ray's
surprised look. "Well, actually I was bitching about you, telling him it
was all your fault and he said I was being a baby and that of that was the
case maybe I should ask you to come in and kiss it better." 

        "Does it really hurt?" Ray asked, seriously, stepping forward and
carefully touching his friend's cheek. A nasty bruise was already starting
to form on the native's jaw. 

        Ira shrugged. "Nah, you hit like a girl," he retorted. 

        Ray chuckled and offered his hand. "I really am sorry- I was out
of line." 

        Ira accepted his hand, easily. "Yeah, but I shouldn't have pushed
you like that." He smirked. "You'd think I'd have learned my lesson from
the last time." 

        Ray grinned and allowed himself to be pulled in for a hug. Being
in Ira's arms felt totally different from being in Fraser's strong
embrace. Ray felt only a closeness that was brought on by his friendship
with the Native man. There were no sexual urgings, no sudden sparks of
passion, as Ray had predicted. 

        "Now about that kiss," Ira teased. 

        Ray groaned at his persistence and pulled back. He very cautiously
touched his lips to Ira's swollen jaw, then laughed as the native
pretended to swoon in his arms. Ray released his hold and dropped him. 

        "Ray?" a quiet voice called from the hallway called. 

        Ray stepped over the giggling native and left the kitchen to walk
to the spare bedroom across the way. He watched Bonnie carefully sliding
off the large double bed, where she had been taking a nap. 

         They had left the cabin at five that morning to get into town on
time to meet the Kowalski's plane and run a few errands before hand.
Diefenbaker dropped down off the bed and stood in front of her, so she
would go no further until someone could help her. Bonnie still wasn't used
to Ira and Jayad's large home, so Ray and Fraser needed to help her get
around. 

        "I'm here, honey," he assured and moved in to allow her to wrap a
small hand around his forearm. She was small for her age and her head only
came to the middle of Ray's chest. "Have a good nap?" 

        "Yes thank you," she admitted as Diefenbaker moved out of the way
and Ray guided Bonnie toward the living room. "Where did you go?" 

        "To pick up a few things and get my hair cut," he informed. 

        Bonnie looked surprised. "Did you really cut your hair?" 

        Ray grinned. "Yah." He paused in the doorway of the living room
and knelt in front of her, guiding her free hand to his shortened locks.
"Feel? All gone." 

        Bonnie released his arm so she could use both her hands to run
through his hair and lightly down over his face as well. She nodded. 

        "You still look like a hero," she decided and he lowered his eyes,
shyly. 

        "Ya gotta stop sayin' that, Bonnie." he requested, quietly. 

        "Why?" 

        "It...it's just...well it's not true, that's all. I'm no hero,
Fraser can be classified that way, but not me, okay?" 

        Bonnie shook her head. "You are my hero. You and Benton both and I
will tell anyone who will listen." She had started calling Fraser by his
given name , because it seemed more informal than Fraser and she liked his
name. 

        Ray sighed and missed the affectionate smile that Jayad and Fraser
cast them from where they were seated. He rose, corrected the position of
her hand on his arm again and guided her over to Fraser. 

        "Did you sleep well, Bonnie?" the Mountie inquired, politely as
she settled beside him. 

        "Would you like something to drink or eat, Sweetie?" Jayad offered
as Ira returned with a pot of coffee to refill on his and Ray's cups. 

        "No thank you," she returned politely and Stan shook his head. 

         It was spooky for a kid to be that polite all the time, he was
sure even Fraser wasn't that proper when he was young. Still, perhaps her
parents had just been very strict about that, or it was Bonnie's way of
keeping people from getting too close. She was just starting to relax
around he and Fraser. 

        Ray accepted more coffee from Ira and settled in the rocker
between the sofa and love seat. Diefenbaker curled up between him and
Bonnie. 

        "Will I have to go away while your parents are here, Ray?" she
inquired, suddenly and Ray looked at her surprised. 

        "No," Fraser answered for them both. "Why would you think that,
Bonnie?" 

        Bonnie tilted her head confused. "But, there is only my bed and
your bed, where will Ray's parents sleep?" 

        "We have bedrolls, Bonnie," Fraser assured. "Ray's parents will
sleep in our bed and we shall sleep on the floor." 

        "You may have my bed, then," she decided, politely. 

        "We don't need your bed, honey," Ray refused, kindly. "We're used
to sleeping on the floor. Besides, they're only gonna be here for a few
days." 

        "What should I do then, I do not want to be in the way." 

        "You do whatever you want to do, Bonnie," Ray insisted. "My folks
are the visitors. The cabin is your home, at least for now, so you just do
whatever you want, okay?" 

        Bonnie nodded, shyly. 

        Ray glanced at his watch. "Speaking of which, we better get goin',
Fraser." 

        Fraser nodded and rose. "Bonnie, we'll pick you up after we've
collected Ray's parents, all right?" 

        "I would like to go," she requested, shyly, but made no move to
rise with them, as though sensing she would be denied. 

        "Of course you may accompany us," Fraser agreed easily. 

        He and Ray had thought it would be better to leave her with Ira
and Jayad, since she seemed so shy around strangers. Also the noise of the
airplane might frighten her because of what had happened to her parents. 

        "We just didn't wish you to be uncomfortable," Fraser assured. 

        Bonnie brightened almost immediately, but still she did not smile.
"I can go, really!" 

        Ray had already retrieved her coat and was helping her into it.
Sometimes he wondered if Bonnie's parents hadn't been too strict with
their daughter. He had heard somewhere that most handicapped children were
usually spoiled by their parents, that did not seem to be the case with
Bonnie. Although, whenever she spoke about them, it was obvious that she
had loved them a great deal. 

        "Let's go," Fraser encouraged and said their good byes to Jayad
and Ira. 
  
  
  

 Part Two: 

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