TITLE: Like Candy
AUTHOR: Laura Shapiro
FEEDBACK: God, yes. Laura@humandesign.com
ARCHIVE: Sure, but please ask me first.
RATING: PG-13 for language and...stuff
SPOILERS: nary a one
SUMMARY: RayV realizes a few things
DISCLAIMER: if they were mine I wouldn't share them 
DEDICATION: This is for darling Dawn, who likes Benny's blue sweater
and let me steal the theme of this piece from her rhapsodic
Fraserpraisings.
SPECIAL THANKS: To Bone, who brought something on with the evocative
phrase "swapping spit".

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Like Candy
by Laura Shapiro
*****************

I'm doing it again.

Staring at your mouth. I've gotta wonder if you notice it, since it's
starting to become a habit.

I mean, I'm wise to it now, ya know? I wasn't always. Didn't realize
I was doing it. But then one day, I remember the day, you were getting
out of the Riv wearing that stretched out blue sweater, and the tip of
your tongue poked out into the corner of your mouth like you were catching
a snowflake, and I felt myself watching you.

Felt myself feeling stuff I knew damned well was inappropriate. And I
couldn't say anything for a second, just feeling like suddenly there
was this huge space between us that was going to fuck everything up.

You didn't see me looking at you. Or maybe you did, but you just asked
me something about the case and I filled the space with words and then
it kind of smoothed things out and I forgot about it.

For a while.

But after that I figured out it wasn't a fluke. I'm always looking at
your mouth. Your lips are so pink and pretty they almost belong on a
woman's face, but no woman could have that tongue. I can't even describe
that tongue -- it just gives me the shivers.

You know how I look away -- you've seen that. Seen me grimace when you
lick dirt or a shoe or something else that's got no business being in
your mouth. It's kind of a relief then -- I can look away and I've got
a reason. 

But it's not the reason you'd be expecting.

Sure, it's disgusting, but not because it's just somebody's tongue licking
dirt. It's because it's *your* tongue, and you're so, I don't know, so
pure or something. It's a defilement, is what it is.

And you're just so *sweet* looking...you look like your mouth would taste
like candy.

I can't help thinking, you're wasting that sweetness. You're not giving
it to someone who could appreciate it. Not giving it to anyone. And how
can I watch you tasting dirt when I want to be tasting you?

I turn away, I scowl, I say something insulting. You take me seriously
in your Earnest Mountie way. And I'll never know if you can see how I'm
really feeling. And I'll never know how you really feel.

Because I'm a fucking coward.

"Benny," I say, and I didn't know I was going to, but I did, so there
it is. 

You look up from your cup of tea. Your tongue darts out, licking your
lips in that nervous way you do, and it's like you just *knew*. And I
don't turn away this time. And finally you see me looking at you. Looking
at that mouth.

I can't breathe. Now I've done it, now you know, but damn you for your
sweet unreadable face, I can't tell if I'm welcome or a boor.

My hand is shaking, and I reach out and cover your hand with mine, setting
the teacup down. My eyes try to retreat down to your hand, somewhere
safe, and I yank them back up to your face. "Benny," I say again, softer
this time, oh god help me out here. Help me know what to do.

"Ray." My name in your mouth makes my stomach turn over. You sound
thirsty,
but that's all I can register before your hand is cupping my face, your
thumb running over my cheek.

And now you're staring at *my* mouth.

And I was right. You do taste like candy.

THE END

"Someday soon I'll make him mine, and I'll have candy all the time."
Feedback is the sweetest sweet of all. Tell me off for stealing Hal's
quote-and- beg style at laura@humandesign.com. 

(: