An Unlikely Story   An Unlikely Story 
 It's dark, really dark in this corner of Chicago, and I figure I'd better
keep one eye out for muggers as I park the GTO. The other eye can stay
right where it is, on my big beautiful Mountie in the passenger seat. I'd
rather be keeping an eye on him from a much closer, and preferably
horizontal position, but he was determined to drag me out here.
 
 I sigh and turn in my seat to face him. "So what is it you hafta tell me?
Can't it wait?"
 
 "No Ray." His face is dead serious. "I feel that, due to the nature of
our relationship… I mean the time has come to… well, I think I should tell
you, Ray… that… that I…"
 
 "Look. If you gotta tell me, then tell me. Spit it out." I grin at him.
"We're wasting good make out time here."
 
 "Oh! Well…" He straightens his bit of white string he wears around his
neck and stares me in the eye. "I first came to Chicago on the…"
 
 He stops as I groan. "Not you too. What is it with you Mounties? Why do
people go around killing your fathers, for chrissakes?"
 
 "No, no…you misunderstand me, Ray." He smiles nervously and pulls on the
string again. "Constable Fraser's father was killed, not mine. In fact I
don't…" he hesitates and obviously decides to drop it. "Well, as I was
saying Ray, I first came to Chicago on the run from a band of renegade
aliens. And for…"
 
 "Aliens?" Did I hear that right? "You mean illegal immigrants? Why the
Hell…"
 
 "Ray, if you're going to keep interrupting me, this is going to take a
very long time." He gives me a stern look. "As a matter of fact I meant
extra terrestrials. Aliens." He takes a deep breath. "I am an alien, Ray."
 
 Okay, so he's said some weird things before, but nothing this weird. I
look at him closely, but I can never tell when he's serious or when he's
teasing me. He does that sometimes; more often than most people realize.
So I decide to play it cool.
 
 "You mean like Spock? You ain't got pointy ears." And his complic…
consti… his skin-color's kinda pink, if anything. "You don't look alien."
 
 "Why, thank you, Ray." He gives me a big smile. I don't know whether it's
because I'm acting like I believe him, or because I said he don't look
like an alien. "Of course before I came to Chicago…"
 
 I can't resist "…on the run from a band of renegade aliens…"
 
 He sighs. "…before I came to Chicago, I underwent extensive body forming.
I'm glad that you find it convincing."
 
 "So are you saying that if I cut you, or something, you'd have green
blood?" Maybe I can make him prove it somehow. "Or you got two hearts like
Dr Who?"
 
 "Well, that wouldn't be very convincing, now would it Ray?" He looks at
me patiently, like a teacher with a really dumb student. "The body forming
was done at the cellular level. It's really quite an interesting process…
you see…"
 
 "Uh, if it involves blood and stuff, I don't think I wanna know." I watch
as he subsides. "So you got no way to prove that you're not human."
 
 "No, Ray, I'm afraid not. But given the xenophobic nature of your human
society, that's probably just as well, don't you think?" He gives me a
superior kind of smile while I wonder what zeni… zena-whatever… means.
"And my blood was purple. Before the body forming, that is."
 
 "Purple?" For some reason this makes me almost believe him. "So you don't
look anything like human? In your real body?"
 
 "Well, we do stand upright, but the average height is a little under
three feet." 
 
 "You don't have three feet do you?" I grin at him, pleased with my joke.
This is kinda creepy considering how dark it is outside the car. "Or a
tail and fangs?"
 
 "Just a short tail, Ray. And our teeth, while rather pointed compared to
yours, could hardly be described as fangs." He comes out with it so
calmly.
 
 "Geez, it kinda sounds like…"
 
 "Lizards, Ray." He nods. "They would be the closest Earth counterpart to
my species."
 
 Ugh. "You mean you got scales? I hate scales." What am I saying? This is
crazy.
 
 "Only vestigial ones, Ray. You'd hardly notice them. It would seem like a
slight roughness of the skin." He pats my arm soothingly.
 
 I decide it's time to end this. "That's creepy, Renny. I dunno if I could
go for a guy with scales. Not even vestid… whatever…"
 
 It doesn't faze him at all. "But I don't have scales now. In fact I'm
very fond of this body." He leans towards me but I back off a bit,
determined to play it cool. He's gonna hafta do better after yanking my
chain this way. 
 
 "You are huh? I guess I kinda like it too." Yeah, that's really cool, if
you don't hear the way I say it. "But those scales… I mean, I don't think
I could stop thinking about them, you know?"
 
 He leans back and I can breathe again. "Oh dear. That's very unfortunate,
Ray, because what I most like about this body is having a penis. It would
be an awful waste if I couldn't use it."
 
 I choke. I can't help it. I sure didn't see that one coming. "You're a
girl alien?"
 
 "Oh no, Ray." For some reason this puts him out. He stumbles for a few
words before he calms down. "No, no, not at all… my species reproduce
asexually. So I suppose we would be considered, um… neuter."
 
 Now it's my turn to get flustered. I don't like that word. It's one of
those guy things. "So you never had sex before me?"
 
 "No, Ray." His eyes gleam. "And I really think that, from both an
evolutionary and a personal perspective, my species definitely made a
wrong turning at some point."
 
 "I'd hafta agree with ya there, Renny." I decide I've had enough of this.
I wanna go home and fuck his brains out. "So you're an alien. Okay. I'm
broad-minded. I can deal with that. But why are yer telling me this, huh?"
 
 "Well, Ray as I said… before I came to Chicago…"
 
 "…on the run from a band of renegade aliens." I grin. "And for reasons
that don't need exploring at this juncture…"
 
 "Actually, Ray, I think we should explore those reasons. You see…" he
sighed and his eyes kinda slid away from mine. "Well, in order to carry
out the body forming, I needed some genetic material."
 
 "Genetic what?" I don't like the sound of this. Or the way he won't look
at me.
 
 "Cells, Ray. Human cells to use as a basis for the body forming." He
fiddled with the bottom of his red tunic.
 
 "Geez, you didn't kill anyone did ya? That's not very Mountie-like." For
a moment I'm sucked in again, then I figure the angles. Maybe we can go
home and play cop and robber. I got a spare pair of handcuffs in my
bedroom. I give him a sexy grin. "I'm gonna hafta arrest ya, if ya did."
 
 "No, of course not Ray." He looks shocked. "But unfortunately the cells
came from a member of the Canadian Mafia."
 
 "So what? They ain't gonna send a hit man after you to get 'em back are
they?"
 
 My joke falls flat. "No, of course not. But you see, because I used Mr
Laurier's DNA, I… uh well, I…"
 
 The penny drops. "You look exactly like a member of the Mob?" Now, that's
hysterical. I can't stop laughing, even if I'm still not sure he isn't
trying on some complicated shaggy dog story.
 
 "But Ray, that's not all." He looks at me real serious with those big
blue eyes and I can't help going all weak inside. "After I arrived in
Chicago…"
 
 "…on the run from…"
 
 He puts his hand over my mouth and looks pitiful. "Please, Ray." He takes
his hand away. "I needed to leave Canada, because of the danger of being
uncovered. If someone who knew Mr Laurier should see me, I mean. But when
I got to Chicago, I discovered that Constable Fraser and Detective Vecchio
had once arrested Mr Laurier."
 
 I still don't believe a word of it. At least I don't think I do. But I
can't help being interested. "So what did ya do?"
 
 "Well, I did a modified mind wipe on them, Ray."
 
 My jaw drops. "A… you did a what?"
 
 "I know." He hangs his head. "I'm so ashamed, but at the time it seemed
like the only possible solution."
 
 "You wiped Fraser's mind? And Vecchio's?" He's definitely been watching
too many SF movies. 
 
 He looks horrified. "Only the memories that related to Mr Laurier, Ray.
Anything further would have been completely unethical."
 
 "Oh, a modified mind wipe. I guess that makes it okay, then." He misreads
the sarcasm and looks like he's ready to burst into tears.
 
 "I know. There's no excuse at all. I realize that now."
 
 I can't resist that miserable little boy look and reach over to touch his
cheek. "No, really. You did what you had to. I understand that."
 
 "Do you, Ray? Do you really?" He revives straight away and smiles at me.
"I was very careful. I made sure to only erase the memories of Mr
Laurier."
 
 "Sure I do." I'd have said anything to get that miserable look off of his
face. "Anyway, Fraser's okay, isn't he? So what are ya worrying about?" 
 
 "I'm so glad to hear that Ray." He looks out the side window for a
moment. "You see, I…"
 
 I hate to see him look all worried like that. "…first came to Chicago on
the run from a band of renegade aliens. And…"
 
 He smiles and joins in, "…for reasons that… well, actually, Ray we have
explored them. Most of them, anyway."
 
 "…you have remained attached as liaison…"
 
 "No, Ray, I'm an assistant to the deputy liaison…" he leans forward and
kisses me. Then he trails kisses along my jaw and his tongue kinda
flickers over my earlobe and I think of lizards.
 
 Suddenly, I'm well and truly on my own side of the car and he's looking
at me like a kid who's had his candy snatched away from him.
 
 "Uh…" I try to think of something to say, and finally I see the hole in
his story. "So why didn't you just go somewhere else? Another consulate?
In Latvia, or someplace like that?"
 
 "I thought about it, Ray." He looks at me doubtfully. "Especially when
Detective Vecchio went undercover with the Mob. There was always the
chance that he might meet Mr Laurier and his memories might return."
 
 He's not supposed to know about where Vecchio is, but I ain't gonna ask.
"They can do that?"
 
 "Oh yes, under the right circumstances. But there was one overwhelming
reason why I decided to stay." He droops his eyelids. And, oh boy, he
looks so damn sexy when he does that. "You, Ray…"
 
 "Me?" My voice squeaks. "You stayed because of me?" 
 
 "You, Ray." He reaches for me and maybe he's doing some kind of mind
control thing, 'cause I go without a second thought.
 
 We get into a bout of heavy breathing and some serious tongue dancing,
and this time when I think of lizards, I just push the thought away.
 
 After a while I slide free of him and we stare at each other. "I'm
kinda…" I swallow the lump in my throat, "…kinda glad you decided to
stay."
 
 "So am I, Ray." He starts to smile then it changes to a frown. "And Ray?
About the scales…"
 
 I decide I gotta get us outta here before I really start believing him.
It's the dark, maybe. It gives me weird ideas. I start up the engine and
put 'er into gear. "I don't care about the scales. You wanna go home and
fuck?"
 
 "Oh yes, Ray. Please." He's all smiles now, which is all I care about.
 
 "And you won't do no mind wipe on me." Well, I wanna make sure my ass is
covered. I still don't believe him, but I don't wanna wake up with him
standing over me with a power drill or somethin' either.
 
 "No, Ray. I promise." 
 
 "Okay." It's late, no cars on the road out here. But this is Chicago and
it ain't long before we come on a red light. I stop because he'll tell me
off if I run it. He's worse than Fraser that way. While we're waiting I
think about Renny, and the Consulate and all the weird things that happen
there. It's like some kind of Canadian Twilight Zone. And Fraser… well,
there's been times I wondered what planet he came from too. And the Ice
Queen… even Dief ain't no normal wolf. Not that I've ever met a wolf, but
he sure ain't normal. I mean… lip reading?
 
 I look at Renny and he's happily humming some C kinda song. "Hey Renny…
you don't think Fraser could be… um…" He looks up at me. "Oh, forget it. I
don't wanna know."
 
 "All right, Ray." After a moment he breaks into song. "Sometimes it's
hard to be a Mountie…" he stares at me soulfully, "giving all your love to
just one man."
 
 To Hell with the red light. I wanna get home and start fucking his brains
out right now, scales or no scales. I put the GTO into gear and my foot to
the floor.