Kind of a fixit..prolly not..just *bizarre* mayhaps ;)

Failing a Friend

By Noli

Ray was falling, falling long and hard. His breath escaped and trailed
up in small white puffs; smoke or steam - in a small oddly rationalising
part of his mind he wasn't very sure which.
[This is a dream and I'm falling. Mmmm]
Followed quickly by...
[This is a dream, I'm falling...if you land when you're dreaming you
die.] [What does it mean...] he thought gasping with hand stealing to
chest checking out his racing heartbeat. [Falling in dreams?] After a
short fruitless search through his memory...
[Why should I dream? Who fell?]
Ray remembered.
[Oh.]
He stole a glance towards his waiting suit admiring the sleek tailored
lines.
[Oh well.]
He got up and dressed carefully, smoothing his tie down umpteen times
then fiddling with the knot so that it lay centred to his shirt collar.
[Dead centre.] Ray grimaced at his reflection, collected his car keys
and left the room.

The funeral went well, if one can say that about such an event. People
behaved suitably according to the social mores of the time and place.
Many ham sandwiches were consumed.

Ray felt nothing and continued to feeling nothing for some time
afterwards.
Well OK he had a momentary twinge of regret when he appeared on Jeopardy
and couldn't remember the spelling of Tuktoyuktuk.

"Things happen." he said to his mother who shrugged and went back to
making linguini for her boy.

"Yeah right." he said to Lt Welsh asking if he wanted to return to the
force. He didn't. In any case having surreptitiously superglued Lt Welsh's
office chair minutes before the lieutenant had taken his seat he somehow
had the feeling he wouldn't have made 27th Precinct Cop of the Month
any time soon anyways.

"Che sera sera." he said to Stella who somehow thought it appropriate
to bring up the subject during a fleeting trip home to cousin Verrucci's
hardware store to chose new bathroom fittings. Well there was a neat
little cabin going begging way out North now and Stella had the cutest
notions about interior decoration he'd heard yet.

"Get over it." he said to Frannie, his sister who stared at him like
she'd never really known him at all. Well she hadn't had she. Still with
six new mouths to feed she had her own problems. What the heck, the
product
endorsements were lining up nicely, if only she'd quit with the immaculate
conception gag, sheesh! Everyone knew she'd succumbed to the *charms*
of her favourite Mountie or vice versa, whatever. Ray figured it was
the Hunt for the Hand party that had done for them, they'd both been
sobbing over their prawn cocktails.
Who'd have guessed Inspector Thatcher was a hermaphrodite, fully
functioning at that! Now he/she *whatever* had skipped town and six
responsibilities
to chase after international baddies. Well Ray could see his/her,
*goodness
knows*, point, settling down to married life with Frannie, six babies
and the rest of the Vecchio clan? Way to go
Dragonlad/y!

"Mmph!" said Renfield Turnbull through his bandages. The truck had hit
him fair and square where it would do least damage - on the head. "So
sue me." replied Ray who had been driving the aforementioned vehicle,
but with friends in breathtakingly high places he got off without so
much as a ticket.

"You killed me." said Benton Fraser, ex-RCMP, ex-living breathing
*perfect*
person.
"So." Like he cared. He didn't.
"I want justice." One little push. *That* was justice.
"Tough."

Sir John Franklin, the one with the Hand, patted Fraser on the back (with
his...hand yet!). Yup Fraser had found Franklin's hand only...Franklin
had found Fraser and it didn't look like he (Fraser) was going to get
shot of his new *partner* for some time to come - if ever.

Benton huffed and puffed but since Ray was the only one who saw him and
always appeared mildly amused, and at times more so, by the various
ghostly
appearances of his victim, he soon gave up (the ghost that is).

END....
...oh and Stan?
...polar bear...Stan...Stan...polar bear...
"Stan!!!! Look out behin...."
"burp!"
...tsk...mustn't forget Diefie....
...polar bear...Dief...Dief....polar bear..
"Dief!!!"
"Woof!" [Get lost.Mr Mountie Pig!.....ooh baby!!]
...*such* a happy couple...awww
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