Better Than Money Better Than Money by Anon M/M suggested, no sex. Intended to follow "One Good Man." Some dialogue quoted. Disclaimer: they aren't mine, no harm intended. Ray couldn't believe he was giving away his Riv money. Even standing in front of City Hall, knowing he was doing it, he couldn't believe it was happening. Then, someone asked the question, "Do you always give money to strangers?" "This is better than money, this is a 1972 Buick Riviera, or what's left of it." He heard himself say it, he must really be giving away his chance to own another Riv. He wondered briefly how odd he looked to the crowd around him, dressed in expensive Italian clothes, giving away hundreds, paying people to listen to Benny talk. He sat in the less than perfect Riviera waiting for Al and planning to offer him the thousand dollars he had left. This Riv wasn't worth more anyway, despite what Al might want. He turned on the radio. He heard the depressing and oddly familiar words to the song, something about waking up and realizing you are alone. Ray closed his eyes, remembering Ange's response when he bought the first Riv. "So, what do you think?" He had asked her as soon as she got in. "This is what you spent our savings on?" "Yeah." "Five thousand dollars?" "Yeah." "Uh-huh." He knew she was getting angry. "Well, I bought it for you." He hadn't, but he was willing to share. A little. "Ray, it's a 1972 Buick Riviera. It's the car of your dreams. You bought it for me?" "Yeah. I mean, can't we both have the same dreams?" "Okay, so when do I get to drive it?" "When do you get to drive it?" He wasn't quite prepared for that one. "Yeah." "Uh." "When?" "All right, all right. Now." "Okay." She had moved over quickly and he began to panic. "Well, not now, now." Eventually, he thought. "Oh, not now, now. Maybe later, now? What do you mean, like never, now? Like maybe not in your lifetime, now?" "No. C'mon. Let's not go there. C'mon, give me a kiss." "Why?" "'Cause you like the car." "I don't." "You will." "In your dreams." Ray went home and got into bed, but he couldn't sleep. Something about the money still bothered him. It wasn't giving it away, everyone deserved a place to live, even people who didn't appreciate it. Besides, he realized grudgingly, Fraser's neighbors all had reasons for not trusting anyone and for seeming ungrateful. Not that he was willing to tell Benny he understood that, he wasn't. There was no need to admit to something so dangerous. Fraser didn't need any information that might be used to lead him into some other senseless act of generosity that could kill them both. Or, maybe Benny already knew anyway. Something else bothered him and he wasn't sure what it was exactly. He hadn't felt guilty when he bought the first Riv. Ange had eventually forgiven him for using their savings and he had eventually agreed to let her drive it, sometimes. It had been strange to see Ange again, he had been thinking about her since he bumped into her at the garage and later saw her on the street. He was beginning to wonder if he missed her, or if Irene's death had just made him wish for the past. All his anger with Benny from the days after the explosion had gone away when Irene died. Fraser had been trying to save him and Irene had been trying to save her brother, but Irene had died. There was something oddly reciprocal in that. If Fraser hadn't rushed in the door to save him would Zuko have shot Ray instead? There was a perverse sense if irony in there somewhere, but he didn't like thinking about it. It had too many levels and they all led to even more unpleasant thoughts about people losing chances and ending up alone. His mind returned to the Riv and the money, that was easier. Al was prepared to charge him for an undamaged Riv, but Benny had found the welding. He missed the original Riv and he missed the second Riv. Now he had given up his money and the chance to own another mint condition Riviera of his dreams just to save that rat infested building. Had that been the only reason? He hadn't done it to so Fraser would have a place to live, he would have preferred it if Benny would move anyway. If that had been the reason, he could have loaned Benny the money to move to a nicer apartment, one with locks on the doors even, and he still would have come out with more money than he had by paying people just to listen to Fraser talk. There had been lots of times when he would have been happy to have paid Fraser to stop talking. As if that would have worked. But, they had saved the building for people who would have been on the streets otherwise and he did feel good about that. But, he didn't want Benny to find out about the money. Not that it would have mattered much, he sometimes thought he should sign his checks over to Fraser and let Fraser give him a little money to live on each month. And a generous clothing allowance, of course. Ray tossed until the blankets were twisted, unable to find a comfortable spot, or to clear his mind. He wasn't angry and that surprised him a little. By now, Fraser had cost him vast amounts of money and had endangered both of their lives . . . how many times? He was losing count. Tonight he had done it again, he had climbed up the side of City Hall following a crazed do-gooder, when they could have gone in the back door. If Fraser hadn't been wearing that coat over his uniform, he would have looked like Spiderman, Ray thought. Spiderman and his friend, the Idiot. He wondered if following Benny up the side of the building was the dumbest thing he had ever done. Well, the dumbest since meeting Fraser, anyway. Compared to anything before meeting him . . . well, it just didn't compare at all, but then that was true of many of his post-Benny actions. Ange would never have tried to manipulate him the way Benny sometimes did. If she had it wouldn't have worked. He would never have done that stuff because Ange wanted him to, besides she wasn't inclined to climb buildings, or fill vaults full of water while trapped inside them. She hadn't had much faith in his honesty, though. So he had spent their savings on the Riv without telling her, so it was a mistake not to discuss it with her, why had she always assumed he did things for the wrong reasons? At least he believed that was what she had thought, he'd never been exactly certain why they seemed to misunderstand each other. Ange had loved him, he was certain of that, and he had loved her. But, when he was honest with himself, he admitted the intensity that had been there with Irene had never been there with Ange. Everything with Irene had been intense and exciting, more than with anyone else and she was the first . . . the first everything. So he shouldn't have spent their savings on the Riv without asking Ange, even if it was his dream car. It was her money too and he hadn't had a right to do that. But, that was over long ago. Why should it bother him now? If he had it to do over he would ask her. He would. Wouldn't he? He wasn't sure. He sat up and untwisted the blankets and tried to get comfortable again, but the vague annoyance he couldn't quite identify wouldn't go away. This car wouldn't be his dream, but it was a green Riv, it was as close as he could afford now. He smiled, having finally found the answer. Of course he wouldn't do it again. He proved that tonight. He gave away most of his Riv money so Benny could save that damned apartment building and its occupants. He wouldn't have kept it for a car, not under the circumstances. It was not a problem to settle on the car he could afford, but it wouldn't have been possible to let Fraser lose tonight. He couldn't do that to Benny, saving that place too important to him. Oh. Ray sat up suddenly, throwing off the blankets as he moved and talking to himself. "Oh. Oh shit. What am I gonna do? He's not gonna understand this one." Benton Fraser sat at the table in his apartment with his wolf a few feet away watching him. Fraser had noticed two weeks ago that something was wrong with Ray and realized that it had begun the week before that, immediately after the meeting at City Hall. Ray had appeared the next day driving the Riviera they had looked at. Ray had seemed hesitant to buy the Riv Al found after they noticed the welding. When Fraser had asked why he hadn't waited and kept looking for a Riv that had never been damaged, Ray had responded only with, "This was easier, and besides, it won't hurt as much when you blow this one up." At first, he had wondered if Ray might be angry with him. Ray had seemed a little distant, but he had continued giving him rides and they had continued working together. Ray was more lost in his own thoughts than distant, Fraser thought. But, it was entirely unlike Ray to remain quiet for three weeks, or even three hours. He wanted to ask Ray what was bothering him, since it was obvious something was wrong, but he couldn't find a good way to bring it up. He wasn't the only one who had noticed. Huey and Elaine had made comments about Ray's silence, mostly favorable comments. He had also noticed Ray had not been arguing with Francesca recently, at least not when Fraser had seen them together. Ray had just ignored her. Fraser rubbed an eyebrow with his thumb and looked at Dief, who had not stopped staring since Fraser sat down. He walked over to Fraser and brushed his nose against Fraser's leg. "I don't know what's wrong with him." Dief whiffed in response. "No, I can't just ask. I don't know why, I just can't." He looked back at Dief, who brushed more aggressively against his leg. "No, I can't tell him that. He is my friend and I won't take the chance of losing that. He doesn't see things that way and that isn't ever going to change, Diefenbaker." Another whiff and this time a dirty look from the wolf. "Don't look at me that way, it isn't going to change anything." Dief jumped up and put his feet on Fraser's leg, allowing him to stare more closely at Fraser. "Yes, I realize you are worried about him too." When Turnbull told him someone was waiting outside to see him, he had hoped it would be Ray. Instead, he found Francesca Vecchio waiting outside the offices, near Turnbull's desk. "Hello, Francesca. What can I do for you?" He tried to keep the disappointment out of his voice. He stood watching her, biting the inside of his lower lip. "Benton, could I talk to you for a few minutes?" She seemed serious and she hadn't touched him yet, maybe there was no reason for concern. "Of course, Francesca." "Alone?" She stood quietly in front of him, apparently waiting to be led away from Turnbull. "Ah, yes. Um, well. Yes, Francesca, certainly." He could handle it, he thought. He led her into his office and closed the door. She sat down and looked at him, but she still hadn't said anything. "Francesca? You wanted to speak to me about something." "Yeah, Benton. But, first I want you to promise me you won't tell Ray I was here, or that we talked." He shifted uncomfortably. Francesca was sitting in his office, not trying to touch him. In fact, she didn't seem very interested in him at all and she wanted him to agree not to tell Ray she had been there. He was reluctant to agree without knowing what she wanted, but there seemed to be no other choice. "All right, Francesca. I won't mention it to Ray." "Thank you." He thought she looked uncomfortable as well. She cleared her throat before continuing. "Benton, do you know what's wrong with Ray? I mean, I'll understand if you can't tell me, but I thought I would ask. He's not telling any of us and we, Ma and I, thought maybe you would know. At first we thought it might be . . . um . . . Irene's death, but he seemed to be feeling a little better about that and then something else must have happened. He's been really weird. I mean, weird even for Ray." Fraser was beginning to worry again. Things were bad enough for the Vecchios to be worried and Ray was not telling them anything either. Now they were asking him. He had no idea. "I don't know, Francesca. Although I must admit, I've been concerned as well." He decided to approach the subject he had been trying not to think about. "When Ray and I were looking for his car, he saw his ex-wife and I had wondered if, perhaps . . . " He did not know quite how to ask. "Angie? No, it's not Angie. I talk to her sometimes. She's made it clear they are not interested in getting back together, neither of them. Anyway, this is not the way Ray usually acts when he's seeing someone. This is a different kind of weird." She was quiet for several seconds. She sat looking at the floor, deciding how to continue. "Ma is worried because she says Ray hasn't been eating and sleeping enough and he spends too much time alone in his room. He doesn't want to be around any of us. Even Ma can't get any answers out of him. I can't get him to fight with me, even when I try." She smiled slightly, then looked down again. She sat in silence for a few more seconds, then looked up at Fraser. "Benton, I think something is really wrong." As much as he preferred not to admit it, he agreed with her. He looked at Francesca. This was not her usual behavior either. She was quiet to the point of being subdued and she seemed genuinely worried. "Yes, Francesca, so do I." She sighed and prepared herself to ask the question she had been wanting to ask all along. "Benton, will you find out what it is? I doubt he'll tell you, but will you find out?" "What are you asking me to do, Francesca?" "I don't know, Benton. You're the detective." "Wouldn't it be better to wait until he decides to tell us, or until things improve. I try always to respect Ray's privacy." She seemed a little annoyed by that. "It's not getting any better, Benton. It's been going on for three weeks. It's obvious he isn't going to discuss it." She paused, then resumed. "Can't you just try, Benton?" He looked at her again and realized she was right. It wasn't getting any better. "All right, Francesca." He sighed, wondering how he would approach this. "I'll try to find out what's wrong." She smiled and stood up to leave. "Thank you, Benton. I'll tell Ma. And don't worry, I won't mention this to Ray either." With that, she walked toward the door. He closed it behind her and sat back down at his desk trying to sort out the conversation he had just had. Francesca had left at ten-thirty and Fraser had been sitting for over an hour doing nothing, apart from worrying. Maybe Ray would have lunch with him. He called his cell phone, but recieved only the opportunity to leave voice mail. Ray must have turned it off, something he never did, not even when he was in the shower. He called the precinct. Elaine answered. "I'm sorry, Fraser. He's not here. He called in sick this morning, didn't you know?" Ray had given him a ride to the Consulate and he was dressed as if he had been planning to go to work. Fraser had assumed that was where he would be. Francesca hadn't mentioned Ray being at home. "No, Elaine, I didn't. Thank you." Before he could put the phone down she asked, "Fraser, is Ray all right? It was nice having him quiet for a few days, but he seems really different lately." When Fraser didn't answer, she offered, "Maybe he just hasn't been feeling well, he did say he was sick today." "I don't know, Elaine. I'm sure he'll be fine. Thank you for the information." He wasn't sure at all and he was becoming frightened. As he hung up the phone, he tried to think of a way to call the Vecchio house without worrying the family more than they already were. But, he had to know if Ray had gone back home. He dialed the number, still uncertain what he would say. Mrs. Vecchio answered. "Hello, Benton. How are you? Francesca told me she spoke to you this morning." "I'm fine, thank you, Mrs. Vecchio. I did speak to Francesca and there is something I need to ask you." "What is it, Benton?" She sounded concerned already. "I don't want to worry you, Mrs. Vecchio, but I need to know if Ray stayed home today." "No, Benton, why do you ask? He left for work and I haven't seen him since. I thought he gave you a ride this morning." "He did, but I called the precinct and I was told he called in sick today." He had been reluctant to tell her that, but he hadn't had much choice. "Benton, he hasn't been here. What's happening?" She was rapidly beginning to panic. "Try not to worry, Mrs. Vecchio. I'll go look for him. I will call when I find him." "Thank you, Benton." Where was he going to look? Without a car it would be difficult. He could get a taxi and go to some of the places he knew Ray liked to go when he wasn't working. He remembered a place by the lake where they sometimes took Dief. He decided to go there first, if he didn't see the Riv, he would have to think of something else. Ray parked the Riv by the lake that morning and began walking. He shouldn't have taken the day off, but he couldn't face work today. He also couldn't tell Benny. He definitely could not afford to give up his friendship with Benny. His career was better than it had been in several years. But, that was because of Fraser. He wondered sometimes if he could have a career without Fraser. Benny and his bizarre investigations had saved him from the apathy he had fallen into. He doubted if he could do his job at all now without Benny's help. At least, it seemed that way in Ray's current state of mind. Life sucked. Too many things had happened in the past year to keep up, or to get over one before the next hit him. He was beginning to wonder what was waiting for him now. What was the next disaster? Irene had died and there hadn't ever really been much hope of making things work permanently with Ange. There was probably not much hope of him working anything out, so he was beginning to think. What were the words to that song he had heard that night in the Riv, the one about being left alone? That's probably the way it should be, he thought. Maybe his Pop was right. And now he had a new problem that threatened his closest relationship. He had known for years he was attracted to women and men, but he had never acted on any of his attractions to men. He had been happy enough to keep it that way, until now, and there was nothing he could do about this one. Ray sat down on a bench and looked at his watch, it was almost noon. How long had he been here? Since around eight-thirty, he thought, right after he had dropped Benny off. There was no reason to leave, except it was getting cold. He pulled his legs onto the bench and sat hugging his knees. Fraser had doubted Ray would be outside on such a cold day, but he saw a green Riviera and had the driver stop. He got out and paid, while Dief ran ahead. Fraser began walking behind Dief wondering if the wolf had gone looking for Ray, or had hopes of finding left-over fast food. Ray sat in the same position and rested his chin on his arm. Suddenly, something white and furry landed on the bench next to him. "Dief? What are you doing here?" Dief sniffed at him happily and barked. "Quiet, Diefenbaker." Fraser walked up behind the bench. "Benny? What's going on? I didn't tell anyone I would be here." Ray's voice expressed something between surprise and annoyance, but he was certainly not happy. Fraser wasn't willing to tell Ray about his family yet. "I know, Ray. I called the precinct to ask if you wanted to have lunch and Elaine said you called in sick today. Since I saw you this morning and I assumed you were on your way to work, I was a little curious." "So, you just assumed I would be here?" "Something like that, yes." Fraser motioned for Dief to get down and he walked around and sat next to Ray. Dief sat on the ground in front of Ray, watching him. "Ray, I haven't said anything because I didn't want to intrude and I assumed you've had your own reasons for your unusual behavior of late. But, don't you think it's time you told me, or someone, what's wrong? And don't tell me everything is fine, because it is obvious something is bothering you." Fraser looked at him more closely. He noticed the dark circles under Ray's eyes and Ray had definitely lost weight. He wondered briefly why he hadn't noticed the weight loss sooner, Ray was far too thin for it not to be noticeable. Ray looked up and then away from Fraser. "I don't want to talk about it, Benny. Whatever it is, I'll get over it. I'll deal with it. Just let it drop, okay?" "Is that why you are sitting here on a day much colder than you would ordinarily find acceptable, rather than going to work? How long have you been here, Ray?" "I don't know." Ray looked away, trying not to meet Fraser's gaze. "Ray, how long have you been here?" "Since I dropped you off, okay? What difference does it make how long I've been here? Just leave me alone Fraser." "No." "Excuse me?" "No, I will not leave you alone." "Fine, Frasier. Then I'll leave you alone." Ray put his feet on the ground and stood up intending to leave. But, Dief wouldn't move out of his way and when Ray tried to step around him, he swayed. The ground was spinning. He felt Fraser catch him and help him back to the bench. "Ray?" This time he heard fear, rather than the usual stubbornness in Fraser's voice. Ray sat with his eyes closed, wishing Fraser would just disappear and leave him alone. Maybe if he sat here long enough that would happen. He heard Dief whining and knew Fraser was still there. He felt sick. He leaned foward, putting his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. Bad idea without opening his eyes, he suddenly realized. He was definitely going to be sick. He felt one of Fraser's hands on his back and the other on his arm just above the elbow. "Ray?" More insistent now. Definitely not going away. He didn't open his eyes, or move. "What, Frasier?" "Ray, what is wrong?" "Nothing. I'm fine. Please, Benny. I'm fine." "You clearly are not fine. You can't stay out here, I'm going to take you home." He felt Fraser's hand on his back pushing him gently, trying to get him to stand up. "Stop it, Benny. I'm not going home and if you don't leave me alone, I'm going to throw up on your uniform." Fraser stopped insisting Ray get up, but he didn't let go. "Ray? It's too cold out here. I think you should either go home, or go see a doctor. But either way, you will not stay here." "I will stay here if I want!" I'll decide what I will, or will not do." Ray was becoming angry and it was competing with his desire to lose his lunch. Lunch? No, breakfast. No, he hadn't had that either. Dinner? Nope, he'd skipped that one. He opened his eyes and sat up straight, the sick, slightly spinning feeling was still there, but he felt a little better than he had at first. He looked at Fraser and he could see Benny was worried. "Sorry, Benny. It's not your fault, I shouldn't have yelled at you. I just want to be alone. Okay? I'll come by the Consulate later and give you and Dief a ride home, maybe we can talk then." He lied. He'd give Benny a ride, but he had no intention of discussing any of what was bothering him. There seemed to be too much that was wrong to talk about all of it anyway. "No, Ray. You cannot stay here alone. You are ill. As soon as you feel like standing, we are both going to leave. I'll take you wherever you want to go and you don't have to talk to me if you don't want to, but we are leaving and I am going to drive. It will all be much easier if you don't put up a fight." Fraser smiled a little, but Ray could see the fear was still there. What was the point? Benny said he wouldn't have to talk, so he'd leave with him, but he wasn't going home. "All right, Fraser. Can I stay at your apartment this afternoon? I don't really want to go home." "Yes, Ray." "And you'll take me there now, straight there?" "I believe so, Ray." "You believe so? What the hell does that mean? It's a yes or a no." Fraser smiled again. "If you can make it to your car, then I'll take you straight to my apartment. But, if you can't, I'm going to take you to a doctor. Agreed?" "I'm okay, Benny. I just haven't eaten lately. I'll make it to the Riv." "How long has it been since you've had something to eat, Ray?" "Breakfast yesterday. I haven't been hungry." "Okay." Fraser's fear was increasing. "Let's go, Ray." He helped Ray stand. Ray still felt terrible, but he wasn't going to say anything. Fraser stood on Ray's left and put one arm around his waist, the other hand went under Ray's left forearm. "Are you all right, Ray?" "Yeah. Just don't get in a hurry, Benny." At least he was too tired and ill to be interested in having Fraser wrapped around him, for purposes other than walking. He made it to the Riv, and handed Fraser the keys. On the way to the apartment, Fraser tried to think of a way to make telephone calls without Ray knowing about it. He wasn't going to leave Ray alone this afternoon, no matter what he wanted. He also had to get Ray to eat something. They pulled up in front of Fraser's apartment building and he helped Ray up the stairs. He sat Ray on the edge of his bed and Ray removed his shoes and stretched out without argument. Fraser covered him with a blanket. "Ray? May I borrow your phone? I'm going to have lunch delivered. Is soup all right?" "Yeah, that's fine, Benny. Go ahead. It's in my coat pocket." "Will you be all right while I go borrow a phone book, Ray?" He lied a little, he did have a phone book, but he needed to get out of the apartment. "Yeah, Benny. Sure. I'm fine." Fraser ordered lunch first, then called Mrs. Vecchio and told her not to worry, he had found Ray and would be staying with him this afternoon. It seemed to satisfy her for now and she didn't argue with Ray's decision, as long as Fraser was with him. She must have been relieved simply to know Ray was all right, he thought. Then he called the Consulate and took the rest of the day off. He would take tomorrow as a sick day too, if he needed. When lunch arrived, they sat on the bed and he insisted Ray eat all of his soup. So far, he had managed to keep his promise, not insisting Ray talk. Ray hadn't had much to say. When they finished, Fraser took the empty food containers into the kitchen and returned to sit on the side of the bed. Ray tried to hide a yawn and failed. "You haven't been sleeping either, have you Ray?" "Not much, Benny." Ray didn't offer an explanation and he hoped Benny wouldn't ask. "Go to sleep, Ray." Fraser pulled the blanket back and Ray got under it. "Okay, Benny you talked me into it. You should probably go back to work now." "I'll wait until you're asleep." "Don't you trust me, Benny?" Ray smiled a little. "Of course, Ray. Now go to sleep." Fraser was getting a little too demanding, Ray thought. He was beginning to sound like Ma. But, he was also right, Ray couldn't stay awake any longer. He was asleep in a few minutes. Fraser sat on the side of the bed, watching him, then he went to the table and sat down. Dief put his head on Fraser's leg and whined softly. "Shh, Dief. We'll find out when he wakes up. He'll be all right." Fraser squeezed his eyes shut and opened them again. He didn't think he could handle it if Ray wasn't all right. Fraser was sitting at the table reading when Ray woke. He looked up and saw him push himself up and rub his eyes. He walked over and sat on the bed again, facing Ray. "Hi, Benny." "Ray, are you feeling better?" "Yeah, Benny. I think so. What time is it?" Ray looked at his watch. "Wow, it's seven-thirty. I've been asleep since two. I never even heard you leave. Why didn't you wake me when you got back?" "I never left, Ray. I took the afternoon off. I didn't think you would mind not being alone, since you were asleep." Fraser smiled at him. "Sorry, Benny. I guess I was a lot of trouble today." He turned to get out of bed and realized he had done it a little too quickly. All those days without food and sleep were catching up with him. "Are you all right?" Fraser helped him back down and covered him with the blanket. "Yeah. Sorry, Benny." "Don't apologize, Ray. I think you should just stay where you are for now. Can you eat again?" "Yeah. I'm kinda hungry. How about some real food this time? I'll buy." Fraser felt somewhat relieved at Ray's interest in food. "Why don't we wait for the real food until tomorrow, Ray? I'm not wearing my uniform, but I still don't want you to keep your promise. We can have soup again tonight." "Yeah, okay. You're probably right, Fraser." Ray almost laughed. "I'll keep my dinner to myself, but we'll skip the pizza for now. I should call Ma, though." "I've already called her, Ray. I told her you were planning to stay here tonight. Is that all right? she didn't seem to mind." Fraser told another small lie. He had called Mrs. Vecchio a second time that afternoon and they had decided Ray would stay with Fraser until he was feeling well enough to do otherwise, whenever that might be. They had discussed a few other things as well, but he had no intention of bringing it up now. Ray was somewhat confused by that and he suspected something else was going on, but he didn't want to pursue it. "Thanks, Benny. I guess that's okay, as long as she knows I'm all right." After dinner, Ray fell asleep again almost immediately. Fraser got out his bedroll, but he remained awake most of the night. Tomorrow, if Ray felt well enough, he would find out what had caused all of this and they would work it out.