The Secret	 The Secret by Alice in Stonyland  

Disclaimer and Notes: Alliance owns 'em, but I think they're enjoying
Stonyland, so I'm borrowing them for awhile....thanks to Dana Woods for
the beta and the snow story that inspired this.   

The snow was softly falling, but it wasn't just falling outside in pretty
white, Christmas-movie-of-the-week flakes. In her heart, the snow had been
falling for some time. Maybe it would've been easier to avoid the weather
if she hadn't seen the way Ray acted around certain men. Yet Stella had
known Ray for far too long. 

She knew, more than anyone else, the one thing he would never admit. She
just didn't think it was worth mentioning to him; if he hadn't figured it
out for himself, it wasn't her place to point it out to him. There were a
hundred other things that had played into the freezing of her heart where
Ray was concerned, the foremost among them being that she wanted a career
and he wanted children. That, however, didn't stop her awareness of the
fact. Sometimes, she even admitted that it had been a deciding factor in
not wanting his children. 

Now, standing just on the threshold of the squad room, watching him
interacting with Fraser, she wondered if he realized he was in love. The
part of her that would always love Ray cracked with the strain of holding
back and for one long moment, she ached with the knowledge. For a long
moment, she wanted to shake him, wanted to make him listen as she once had
to power to do, wanted to demand an accounting for his sensibilities.  

Who did he think he was to fall for the one man he could never have?
Unless Stella was seriously mistaken, Fraser wasn't like Ray. Another man
would never turn the Mountie's head unless that man was in the middle of
committing a crime. Duty was that man's lover; no one would ever replace
that. She didn't need any further confirmation of that than the man's
dedication. Even across the crowded squad room, she could see the military
set of his shoulders, the rigid way he held himself even while seated.	

Moreover, wasn't it just a few short weeks ago that Ray had been telling
her that he would always love her? That night at her apartment, being in
his arms, kissing him, feeling like they had somehow stepped out of time
and there was no divorce between them, no irreconcilable differences...
well, she would be lying to herself if she didn't admit she had hated to
be the voice of reason that night. For that singular space in time, she'd
felt safe...secure...loved...comfortably so in a way that had always been
Ray's and hers alone. It wasn't a feeling she felt all that often anymore.
 

It wasn't really fair to think that he'd somehow been lying, had wanted
her as an odd sort of substitute for the one he really wanted. He'd been
truly upset that Fraser had interrupted them, though he got over his
irritation when he realized Fraser had saved their lives. 

She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and shoved the odd feeling of
jealousy away. 

Resolutely, she strode forward. What she had shared with Ray was past.
What he did with his future and who he did it with was none of her
business unless it collided with hers. Out of respect for their
long-standing friendship, she would keep his secrets, let him discover the
truth on his own. With an almost rueful smile, she acknowledged that he
was the detective; he could figure it out in time. 

Still.... 

***Finis*** 

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