People Like Us   People Like Us 

The afternoon sunlight almost seemed to flow across the floor, heavy and
golden.  Lazy with late summer indolence, the shafts of light crept over
the two heaving, sweating bodies on the bed, touching first one then the
other with its warm tendrils.  But the two men were all but oblivious to
the outside world.  

After just over a week of being Ben's lover, Ray was still gripped,
sometimes, by the strangeness of making love with a male body.  If he
thought about it too much, it could really interfere with his
performance.  Luckily, it was quite difficult to think when he was lying
on top of Ben and thrusting against his belly as if his own life depended
on it.	

He could feel a moan building in his chest and closed his mouth over Ben's
to muffle the sound.  The walls in this place were far too thin for
comfort.  Ben accepted his tongue eagerly, his hands tightening on Ray's
butt, his whole body lifting to press closer to Ray's.	

Without hesitation Ray responded, driving his cock more fiercely against
the answering hardness beneath, slick with his own and Ben's juices.  The
slight scratchiness of pubic hair against his cockhead made him shudder at
the outrageous stimulation and increase the tempo still further.  With a
low groan he pushed that tiny fraction further and spilled his semen over
his lover's body.  

When he was aware again, he could feel Ben still hard beneath him.  He
slithered down a little, coming to rest between Ben's thighs, his own cock
too sensitive now to bear the continued stimulation of Ben's movements. 
As he always was, Ray felt discomforted by the feel of Ben's hard
maleness, now that it was no longer counterbalanced by his own.  He
pressed down, increasing the friction and heard Ben gasp.  A moment later
it was over.  

“God, Benny.  That was fantastic.”  Ray hunted for a kiss, long and
breathless and satisfied.  *  

The buzz of voices in the Bullpen surrounded Ray from the moment he swept
through the door.  He usually found the sound a pleasant complement to his
own nervous energy, but today his irritation level was way above the point
where that would work.  He'd only taken one step into the room, however,
before he saw a familiar red shape bending over his filing cabinet.  Benny
was tidying his files again.  

It wasn't so long ago that this sight would have sent his adrenaline
levels soaring.  Now, he had to fight to keep a silly smile off his face. 


Ray crept up behind his lover.  “Hey, Benny...”  

“Oh! Good afternoon, Ray.”  Benny was looking slightly guilty, confirming
Ray's long-held suspicion that the Mountie was well aware how annoying Ray
found it when he tidied the files.  He suspected that Benny simply
couldn't help himself.  Well, Ray figured he could let it go this time. 
He bent to give Dief a cursory pat and glanced up at his lover.  

“The Dragon Lady let you out early, did she Benny?”  Ray murmured the
words and delivered his best sexy smile.  

Ben frowned slightly.  Ray knew he didn't like the nickname, but that just
served him right for fiddling with Ray's files.  If Benny wanted to fiddle
with something of his, Ray could think of several things he'd suggest in
preference to his filing cabinet...  

He turned to his desk and all inclination to smile disappeared
completely.  “Oh, shit.”  

“What's wrong, Ray?”  Ben looked over his shoulder at the file on his
desktop.  

Ray counted to ten through clenched teeth.  “It's that damn Rainbow
Centre.  It gets broken into just about every week.  I don't know why they
even bother to report it anymore.”  

“Well, perhaps they feel the culprits should be apprehended, Ray.”  Ben's
tone was infuriatingly reasonable.  

Ray shrugged.  “Well, whatever.  I just wish it didn't end up on my desk
so often.”  

Ben's eyebrows rose enquiringly.  

“Aw, Benny...  you know.”  Ray leaned towards him and lowered his voice. 
“I don't like being around people like them.  It makes me nervous, you
know?”	

“People like them, Ray?”  Ben looked bewildered.  “Oh! Ah...  Ray? 
Wouldn't it be more accurate to say people like us?”  

“No it wouldn't!”  Ray exploded.  All round the room heads came up and
turned in their direction.  He grabbed Ben by the arm and dragged him
across the room, out the doors, and along the hallway.	

As the closet door closed behind him, Ray turned on Ben furiously.  “Just
what the hell did you mean by that, Benny?”  

“Well, I would have thought that was obvious, Ray.”  Ben's voice was
mildly inquiring.  

“You mean, you think...  You...”  Ray spluttered to a halt.  He took a
deep breath.  “I.  Am.  Not.  Gay.”  

Ben looked at him patiently.  “Now, Ray, that's just silly.”  

“No it isn't, Benny.  I am not gay! And that's final.  I don't wanna talk
about it.”  Ray effectively closed the conversation by walking out of the
closet.  *  

“Benny?  Hey, Benny!”  Ray’s voice cut through his rather painful
contemplation of their earlier conversation.  

“Oh!”  They’d come to a stop outside Ben’s apartment building.  Ben
reached for his Stetson.  “Well, thank you kindly, Ray.”  

“Hey Benny.  Aren’t you gonna invite me up?”  Ray was grinning at him
suggestively.  

The question took him by surprise.  “Oh.  Well, of course, if you want
to.  Come on Dief.”  

The wolf slipped out from the back seat of Ray’s car and streaked for the
apartment building.  Even though the apartment had no air conditioning, it
was bound to be cooler than the street and Dief knew it. Ben and Ray
followed close behind.	

His current mood notwithstanding, Ben could feel himself becoming
aroused.  He’d never considered walking up the stairs to his apartment an
exercise in eroticism until he and Ray had become lovers, but now he was
only aware of Ray’s presence close behind him, and a certain simmering
feeling beneath his serge uniform.  By the time they’d reached his door,
he was just about at boiling point.  

So, it seemed, was Ray.  Dief yelped slightly and got rapidly out of the
way, and the next thing he knew, they were both pressed up against the
dividing wall just inside his door.  

Ben managed to free his mouth with some difficulty.  “Ray, are you sure
you want to do this?”  

A groan and the plunging of a hot tongue into his mouth were the only
answers Ray bothered to offer. They stumbled to the bed, shedding their
clothes on the way.  *	

It was some time before Ben thought to ask the question again.  Ray had
developed the habit of sliding down a little between his legs after making
love, and it was a rather nice sensation to wrap his legs around his
lover’s hips, and his arms around his lover’s shoulders, and keep him as
close as possible.  That done, he'd allowed himself to drift in a haze of
post coital bliss for a while.	

“What kind of question is that?”  Ray lifted his head and stared at him in
amazement.  

Well, actually, it was the kind of question that he didn’t really want
answered at all, but he could hardly say that.  Ben tried to achieve a
tone of mild interest, but didn’t think he’d succeeded very well.  

“Well, Ray, after what you said this afternoon...”  

Ray frowned, and Ben’s heart sank.  “What did I say?  Oh, you mean about
being gay?  What’s that got to do with anything?”  

“I would have thought quite a lot, Ray.  After all, here we are...  two
men...  and...”  

Ray started to laugh.  “Geez, Benny.  Do you have to take everything so
seriously?”  

“Um...”  Ben was becoming totally confused now.  He thought he’d got used
to Ray’s volatility, but none of this discussion was making any sense to
him.  

Ray sighed.  “Look.  Just because I like to make love with you, doesn’t
make me gay, Benny.”  

“It doesn’t?”  Ben raised his eyebrows.  

“Course not.”  Ray seemed to consider the matter closed.  He lowered his
head onto Ben’s shoulder again and seemed to be in danger of falling
asleep.  

“But, Ray...”  

“You’re not gonna let go of this, are ya?”  Ray groaned and pushed himself
off Ben’s body to lay beside him, propped up on one elbow.  “The way I see
it is, you’re the only guy I’ve ever had sex with.  You’re the only guy
I’ve ever wanted to have sex with.  OK?”  

Ben smiled brilliantly at him.  “Yes, Ray.”  

“Aw...  cut that out, if you want me to go on talking...”  Ray took a deep
breath.  “So.  On the other hand, I’ve had sex with lots of women.”  He
frowned slightly.  “Well, with quite a few, anyway.  So I figure that I’m
straight, right?  I just wanna make out with you.  See?”  

“Ray, are you saying that this is just a passing phase?  That you’ll go
back to sleeping with women eventually?”  Ben tried to keep the tremor out
of his voice.  He avoided Ray’s eyes.  

“Hell, no.  I want to be with you, Benny.  Doesn’t mean I have to be gay
though.”  

They lay in silence while Ben digested this, to him at least, startling
viewpoint.  It was Ray who suddenly shifted uncomfortably against him and
voiced the next question.  

“Uh, Benny?  You don’t think you’re gay, do you?”  

Ben noted a certain uneasiness in Ray’s voice.  “Well, yes Ray.  I do.”  

“You haven’t been holding out on me have you?  I thought, you know...  it
was the first time for you too.”  Ray frowned at him.  

“Oh, yes.”  Ben lifted Ray’s hand and placed a kiss carefully in the
centre of his palm.  

A tender smile appeared on Ray’s face and was firmly banished.  “Well, I
know you’ve been with women.”  

“One woman, Ray.”  Even now, he preferred not to think of that.  

“OK, I know you’ve been with one woman.  Geez, do you have to be so
pedantic?”  Ray’s face suddenly froze, ludicrously.  “You’re kidding,
right?  One woman?  Just one?  You gotta be kidding me.”  

Ben’s silence was answer enough.  When he risked a glance at Ray’s face,
the other man appeared to be lost in thought.  Finally the green eyes
focused on him.  

“Geez, you must have already slept with me more times than you did with
her.”  The calculation didn’t appear to please him.  

“I wasn’t keeping count, Ray.  But, yes, I’m sure you’re right.”  Then it
occurred to him what was bothering Ray.  Oh...  He offered a tentative
solution.  “I suppose I could be bisexual.”  

Ray’s jaw dropped.  *  

Ray was beginning to wonder what he'd let himself in for.  He didn't mind
the fact that nobody could know he was sleeping with his best friend.  And
he was enjoying the sex more and more, now that he'd got used to the idea
of it.  He just hadn't expected Benny to be so...  enthusiastic.  Each
time they made love, he never knew what his lover might try next.  

Like right now.  He stared down the length of his body at a pair of blue
eyes fairly blazing with excitement and watched as they dropped to gaze
adoringly at his cock.  The tip of a pink tongue flickered over perfect
cupid's bow lips.  Ohmigod, he was really going to do it.  

The dark head lowered until it was hovering all of an inch above his
rampantly erect cock, and that luscious tongue snaked out and drifted
along the length of the shaft from base to tip.  Ray stifled a moan.  His
whole body was alight with desire from a long and lovingly detailed
investigation by that very same tongue.  It might look innocent enough,
but he knew how dangerous it really was.  

With excruciating slowness, Ben curled his tongue around the sensitive
cockhead, stroking a little more firmly.  Ray let out a soft, shuddering
moan and Ben's eyes lifted to his again.  His cock was grasped gently and
without breaking eye contact, Ben began to explore the swollen cockhead.  

It was a disturbing sensation, pleasurable, but somehow vaguely not
right.  It certainly wasn't the first time Ray had had this done for him,
but never quite like this, with the intensity and thoroughness that Ben
brought to the task.  And never by another man.  He'd made it quite clear
from the beginning that he wasn't interested in reciprocating and Benny
had accepted that, but in spite of the pleasure, he was almost regretting
that he'd agreed to it.  Almost.  

Ben's almost prehensile tongue seemed to be everywhere at once for a
while, but then he settled to a slow, sensuous laving of the cockhead that
left Ray almost boneless with pleasure.  He floated in a happy daze until
a gentle probing into his slit sent a shock wave of lust through him.  Ray
gasped and pushed himself up onto his elbows with some difficulty.  

Guileless blue eyes met his and Ray thought he saw a hint of satisfaction
in them.  He exchanged a long look with his lover, before the eyes dropped
again and Ben began to suck delicately at his cockhead.  A shudder rippled
through him.  God that felt good! But then Ben hesitated, and with a sense
of foreboding, Ray saw that he was preparing himself for something more. 
Surely, he wouldn't...	

He would.  Warm lips closed tightly around Ray's cock and slid down the
shaft.  When they slid up again Ray pulled away and drew Ben up into his
arms.  Now he was trapped underneath Benny's body, an unfamiliar, and
decidedly unpleasant, sensation.  Usually he insisted in being on top,
since he was certain that Benny would crush him with his greater weight.  

Ben was beyond thinking of that now, his body pressed to its limits and
urgently seeking release. Fighting back a sense of panic, Ray went along
for the ride.  Their hips ground together, instinctively seeking the heat
and friction of each other's bodies.  Ray felt the hard cock burning
against his belly, felt it pulse, and the hot flood on his skin.  

They rolled onto their sides and at last Ray was able to achieve a rhythm
that would bring him satisfaction.  He revelled in the smooth glide of his
cock against sweat and semen slick skin.  Ben moaned helplessly as Ray
thrust urgently against his softening cock and the feel of it sent
shudders through them both.  

Even now, when they were both limp and exhausted, Ben's hands still roamed
over Ray's body.  With a sigh, Ray rolled Ben onto his back and stretched
out on top of him.  Now he could relax and just drift off to sleep.  He
smiled into Ben's shoulder.  Those inquisitive hands felt wonderful
against his skin.  

But soon they were moving purposefully downwards, flattening themselves
over the curves of his butt.  It felt good, no doubt about it, still...  

“Now don't you be getting any ideas, Benny.  Not about my butt, OK?”  

The hands hesitated and Ray heard a soft “oh!” of surprise.  A finger
grazed lightly along the cleft of his ass and then withdrew hurriedly when
he growled.  

Damn!  *  

Even sleeping, Ben always knew when Ray left the bed.  Well, the bed was
small enough...  but what woke him every time was the awful feeling of
emptiness when Ray was no longer lying beside him.  He kept telling
himself that he’d get used to it, but even after two months, the feeling
was as strong as ever.	

There was no sound and for a moment he thought Ray had already gone, but
when he turned his head he could see Ray’s shadowy figure beside the bed. 
He sat up.  

In the streetlight coming in his window he could see that Ray was still
only half dressed, his shirt unbuttoned and hanging loose over his pants. 
Ben stared up at his lover’s face and felt a wave of longing and regret
flooding him.  

“Ray, don’t go.  Stay with me tonight.”  

Ray shifted from one foot to the other.  “Aw, Benny, you know I can’t.  Ma
would have a fit if I didn’t come home.  And next thing, she’d be wanting
to know who I was seeing.”  

Ben knew that Ray was only speaking the truth, but that didn’t make it any
easier.  He leaned forward, sliding his arms around Ray’s waist and
pressing his lips to the spot below and to the right of Ray’s left nipple,
where his heartbeat was most strongly evident.	

“Stay with me.”  His voice dropped to a husky murmur and he forced himself
to be silent, knowing that if he continued he wouldn’t be able to keep the
pleading out of his voice.  

Ray’s fingers stroked his hair gently.  “I can’t stay, Benny.”	

Still Ray didn’t move away.  Ben began to press gentle kisses against
Ray’s chest and Ray sighed, his fingers straying down to the nape of Ben’s
neck.  His questing lips found a nipple and lingered there, while his
hands moved over Ray’s slender body.  Long minutes passed and the only
sounds in the apartment were the soft, wet sucking and the whisper of skin
against skin.  

Ray began to tremble under his hands and Ben slowly drew one hand round to
his waist and began to unfasten his pants.  Even one-handed, it only took
a moment.  Ben slid them down slightly, and the clinging cotton shorts
with them.  In the dim light, Ben could just see that Ray’s half erect
cock was still caught inside his clothing.  

He let his hand drift down Ray’s flat belly and under the cloth, and began
to gently massage his lover’s balls, eliciting a soft groan and a small
shudder.  Ben rested his head against the warm chest and stared down at
the thickening cock showing above Ray’s loosened clothing.  Then Ray
stooped slightly.  Soft lips brushed his temple and a hand caressed his
cheek.	

“Oh God, Benny.  What have you done to me?”  

Ben didn’t volunteer an answer.  He didn’t think Ray expected one.  After
a moment Ray groaned quietly and reached into his pants to draw out his
cock, fully erect now and fragrant with the scent of his arousal.  Ben
stared, spellbound, at Ray’s long fingers holding himself, all the while
continuing his own gentle fondling.  

Another breathless pause, and then Ray’s hoarse voice.  “Do something,
Benny...  do anything...  oh, God!”  

He was almost tempted to do the thing that he wanted most, but Ben
hesitated at the last moment and simply ran his tongue over the weeping
cockhead.  Ray gasped, holding himself while Ben licked and sucked gently,
until he couldn’t hold back any longer.  Then Ben shifted Ray’s hand aside
and began a firm stroking motion.  

A harsh sob burst from Ray’s lips and he thrust fiercely into Ben’s hand. 
The spatter of his lover’s semen on his chest made Ben glance up to see
Ray’s contorted face as he milked the last paroxysm of pleasure from
himself.  Then Ray slumped against him and Ben pulled him down onto the
bed with him.  

The pleasure of holding Ray in his arms was enough for Ben, at least for a
while.  When Ray had recovered a little he began to kiss Ben and then, to
Ben’s delight, to clean his chest with soft, rasping licks.  He pulled Ray
more securely on top on him, and pushed his clothing further down his
legs.  Even softening as it was, the feel of Ray’s cock against his own
was an exquisite pleasure.  Ben thrust up against him, almost insensible
with hunger and need, desperately seeking release.  

In the end it changed nothing.  Eventually, Ray left and he was alone
again.	*  

“Benton, take another helping of polenta.  Your plate’s almost empty.” 
Mrs Vecchio looked worriedly at him.  

Ben stared down at a plate heaped with food, and wondered how on earth
he’d get anything more on it. But Ray’s mother was a resourceful woman.  A
large yellow slab was laid precariously on one side of the mountain of
food, and miraculously stayed where it was put.  He bit his lower lip.  If
he didn’t finish everything on his plate, there’d be trouble, and he
wasn’t very hungry tonight.  He couldn’t even slip it to Dief, since he
was still in the kitchen happily wolfing down a steaming pile of pasta and
meat.  

Around the table, the chaos of a typical Vecchio meal continued unabated. 
Beside him, Ray was arguing with his brother-in-law about the merits of
some baseball team or other, and on the other side of the table Francesca
and Maria were fighting over something that one of them had done to the
other when they were children.  Maria and Tony’s children were squabbling
over who was going to get the biggest piece of cake for dessert, while Mrs
Vecchio looked on happily, and continued to press food onto her hapless
guest of honour.  

With a sigh, Ben picked up his fork and began a planned attack on the
food.  If he didn’t proceed carefully, he’d probably collapse the whole
lot onto his lap.  But he was a Mountie, capable of handling himself in
any situation...  even this one.  

The meal followed its normal course, and eventually even Mrs Vecchio
accepted his assurance that he really couldn’t eat a third serving of
dessert.  Ben suppressed a sigh of relief and followed the women out to
the kitchen to work off some of the food in helping with the dishes.  Ray
and Tony scorned such unmanly activities, preferring to sprawl in front of
the TV watching yet another baseball game.  Really, it was no hardship to
dry dishes.  

Afterwards he slipped outside for a breath of fresh air, and even managed
to persuade Dief to come with him.  The wolf had indicated he wanted to go
into the lounge mainly, Ben suspected, in the hope of scrounging sweets
off the children.  It was refreshingly cool outside, though he could still
detect the heavy scent of petrol fumes from the street and most of the
stars were obscured by the bright city lights.	

“What’s wrong, Benny? You’re so quiet tonight.”  

Ray’s hand on his shoulder made him start.  He’d been so absorbed in his
thoughts, he hadn’t even heard Ray’s footsteps.  

“I was just...”  Ben hesitated, not sure he should say anything.  

“What is it, Benny?  Tell me.”  The concern in Ray’s voice was
heart-warming.	

Ben sighed.  “I feel as though I’m abusing your mother’s hospitality,
Ray.  If she knew about us...”	

“No, Benny!”  The hand on his shoulder tightened painfully and he was
shoved against the wall. “Don’t even think about it, OK?  I won’t stand
for it.”  

Ray’s fierce reaction startled and disturbed him.  “I wasn’t suggesting
that you tell her, Ray.  That’s your decision to make.  I was just...”	

“Forget it, Benny.  I don’t even want to hear about it.”  

“But Ray...”  

Ray’s face was thrust forward, mere inches from his own, his voice an
angry hiss.  “I said no!  First you’ll wanna talk about it, then you’ll
wanna do something, and before I know it, I’m being kicked out of my own
family and then the whole precinct will hear about it and I’ll lose my
job.”  

Ben watched in shock as Ray turned and walked away a few steps.  After a
moment Ray turned again, his face wiped clean of emotion.  “You ready to
go back inside now, Benny?”  

“Ray, surely you don’t believe...”  He stopped as Ray’s face contorted in
anger.	

“This is my life we’re talking about, Benny.”  

“I know that, Ray.  I’d never ask you to do something you’re not ready
for...”  Ben paused and decided it was better not to pursue this. 
“Perhaps it would be better if I didn’t visit here anymore.”  

Ray threw him a hard look.  “Maybe you’re right.”  

And that, it seemed, was that.  Ben followed Ray inside and sat through
the movie they were all watching in a state not far removed from shock. 
When the movie finished and Ray was ready to drive him home, he said his
farewells with some care.  It was difficult to keep the consciousness that
he wouldn’t be seeing Ray’s family again out of his voice and face.  

The drive back to his apartment was achieved in complete silence.  One
glance at Ray’s profile was enough to dissuade Ben from trying to start
the conversation again.  Dief whined unhappily in the back seat and was
ignored by both of them.  

Ray pulled over to the curb and immediately switched off the engine, to
Ben’s surprise.  He really hadn’t expected that Ray would want to come
upstairs with him, but he didn’t want to start another fight here on the
street.  He followed Ray up the stairs and into the apartment, moving away
from him as soon as he was through the door.  Dief went over to his corner
and lay down with his back to them.  

It felt as though there was a far greater distance between them than the
few feet that physically separated them.  Better to get this over with,
Ben decided.  He hung his jacket on the coat hook beside the door and 
began to unbutton his shirt.  He’d turned away from Ray, so it wasn’t
until he was half undressed that he realised Ray was still just standing
there, staring at him.	

Fear stabbed him.  Perhaps Ray didn’t want sex.  Perhaps he wanted to end
the relationship.  He froze, staring at his lover’s sombre face.  

“Ray?”  His own voice sounded almost unrecognisable to him.  

Ray took a step towards him.  “Benny, I’m sorry.  I overreacted, OK?  I
just never know what you’re going to come out with.  Sometimes, I swear
you scare me half to death.”  

“You have to trust me, Ray.  I’d never do anything to hurt you and I know
how important your family is to you.  They’re important to me too.”  

Another step, and another.  Then Ray was holding him tightly.  Ben buried
his face against Ray’s throat, his arms sliding around the slender waist
instinctively.	

“I know they are, Benny.”  Those beautiful hands began to work their magic
on Ben’s bare back.  “I saw the way you looked when you were saying
goodbye to Ma.  You don’t have to stop visiting.”   It was like a burden
falling off his shoulders to hear that, but still...  “I think I should,
Ray.  I might give something away without intending to.  I’m not very good
at this sort of thing.”  

He felt, rather than heard, a soft chuckle.  “I know, love.  You’re way
too honest for your own good.  It’s up to you, then...  but I hate to
think of the lies I’m gonna have to tell when Ma asks me why you’re not
coming around anymore.”  

Oh dear.  He hadn’t thought of that.  It seemed there wasn’t going to be
any easy solution to this situation.  “Well, if you think I should...”  He
sounded absurdly hopeful.  

The chuckle turned to a laugh.  “Yeah, I think you should.  I also think
you should tell me when I need to back off, Benny.”  

“Oh, I’d be afraid to do that, Ray.”  He kept his voice innocent and
pulled away from Ray in time to see him grin widely.  

“Idiot.”  Ray shoved him gently towards the bed.  “So, you wanna make up
now?”  *  

Ray was sitting at his desk when Ben came through the double doors into
the Bullpen.  Ben smiled slightly.  Ray was struggling with his old
fashioned typewriter, and probably cursing under his breath.  

“Good afternoon, Ray.”	

Ray's muttering stopped abruptly and Ray looked up at him, smiling.  “Just
the man I want to see.  Can you do this for me Benny?”  His smile
widened.  “I'd be very grateful.”  

Ben slid into the seat just vacated by his lover.  “How grateful, Ray?”  

“Wait till tonight and you'll see.”  

It didn't take long to complete the form, but of course there were more. 
Ben didn't mind.  He could type with only half his mind on the task at
hand and indulge in his greatest pleasure, watching Ray, with the other
half.  

As long as he avoided meeting Ray's eyes, it was easy enough to be
discreet.  Eventually his gaze came to rest on Ray's hands as they fiddled
nervously with a pencil.  

“I wonder what it would be like to watch you masturbate, Ray.”	

The pencil snapped.  Ben looked up at Ray's face and watched as his lover
flushed, his eyes almost bugging out of their sockets.	

“Geez, Benny!  Where did that come from?”  Belatedly, Ray's head snapped
around, checking there was nobody close by.  

Ben felt himself flushing too.  He hadn't really meant to say that out
loud.  “Well, Ray, I couldn't help noticing your hands...”  

“My hands?  What about my hands?”  Ray looked bewildered.  

Ben cleared his throat.  “Ah...  well they are very beautiful, Ray...”	

“Thank you...  I think.  But what have my hands got to do with...”  Ray
leaned forward conspiratorially, “...  you know.  I mean, apart from the
obvious.”  

Oh dear.  This was getting very embarrassing.  “I couldn't help noticing
that you have very elegant hands...  and your fingers are particularly
long and elegant, Ray.”  

“So?”  

“Well, it reminded me that your...  that another part of your anatomy... 
is also long and elegant, Ray.”  

Ray looked pleased.  “It is?”  

“Oh yes, Ray.”  Ben's voice was very fervent.  “And I suppose I... 
well...  put those two images together, and...  well...”  

“OK.  I get the point, Benny.  You don't have to say anymore.”	

A little smile tugged at Ray's lips and, observing it, Ben felt hope
stirring.  He dropped his voice to a murmur.  “So you'll do it?”  

“I might.”  

Ben let his eyelids droop sexily and lowered his voice even further.  “I'd
be very grateful, Ray...”  

Ray grinned.  “You need to practice that Benny.  You look like you've got
a squint.”  

“Oh.”  Ben watched as Ray stood and began to walk away.  There were other
parts of Ray's anatomy that he considered elegant too.	

Ray looked back over his shoulder.  “Well, aren't you coming, Benny?”  

Ben hurried after him.	*  

“Ray, would you prefer it if I was a woman?”  Ben's voice was thoughtful. 


Ray nearly jumped out of his skin.  It was a Saturday afternoon and they'd
spent most of it in the bed, ignoring the world outside.  He'd been
peacefully recovering from indulging in his favourite activity and Benny
had to spoil it by asking a question like that.  And, if recent
discussions were anything to go by, worse was likely to come...  

“What!  Are you crazy?”  

Ben considered the question seriously for a moment.  “I don't think so,
Ray.”  

“Well, maybe you'd better think again.”  A sudden thought occurred to
him.  “You're not thinking of... uh...  doing anything are you?”  

Ray could hardly believe he was even thinking like that, but since this
whole situation had started, Benny had come up with some very strange
ideas.  He wasn't going to take anything for granted anymore.  

But Ben's response was reassuring.  “No, Ray.  I just wondered how you
felt about it.”  

The adrenaline was still coursing through his veins.  “Don't be stupid. 
You're not a woman, so what's the point in asking?”  

“Well, Ray, I have been a woman, remember.”  

Benny said it so solemnly that Ray couldn't help laughing.  “Oh, sure.  I
still can't believe you fooled anybody in that outfit.”  

He knew straight away he'd made a mistake.  Ben's face went blank, then he
turned away, sitting up on the edge of the bed.  

“Aw, don't get in a snit, Benny.”  

Ben glanced back over his shoulder.  “I'm not in a snit.”  

His voice was mild enough, but Ray wasn't fooled.  He was reaching to
touch the pale shoulder when Ben stood and walked into the closet cum
bathroom that contained all the facilities the apartment offered.  

“Benny, what are you doing?”  Geez, he could be annoying.  

Ben's voice drifted out of the closet.  “Just wait, Ray.  You'll see in a
minute.”  

It was considerably longer than a minute.  Ray's impatience was only held
in check by the knowledge he'd already put a foot wrong.  He certainly
didn't need to do that again.  

A soft click from the closet door alerted him.  “Don't look, Ray.  Close
your eyes.”  

“Oh, for God's sake!”  But Ray did as he was told.  “OK, you can come out
now.”  

A slight pause.  “You can open your eyes Ray.”	

The voice was the one he remembered Ms Fraser using at St Fortunata's.  So
it wasn't too much of a surprise, when he opened his eyes, to see Ms
Fraser's face, fully made up and surrounded by straight reddish hair.  He
let his eyes drift downwards over bare, pale skin and felt his stomach
clench in shock.  The naked figure in front of him had no cock.  It was
only a moment until he realised that Ben had simply pushed his genitals
back between his legs and arranged his pubic hair to hide as much as
possible.  

It was still a disturbing sight.  The combination of the feminine face
atop a sexless, though undeniably masculine, body made Ray feel distinctly
queasy.  

“Geez Benny!  Will you cut that out?  What's the matter with you?”  

Ben looked down at himself and ran one hand lightly over his chest and
belly.  “Don't you like this?  I thought you would.”  

Ray shuddered.  “No, I don't like it!  Are you sick or something?  Stop it
will ya?”  

“Well, you don't seem to like me very much as a man, Ray.  I thought you
might prefer this.”  Ben frowned slightly.  “I've noticed how you avoid
touching...  touching me...”  

Typical of Benny.  He could do the most amazing things with his tongue,
but talking about himself wasn't one of those things.  Ray swallowed,
still uneasy at the sight confronting him.  

“Benny, will you for God's sake stop it?  It's...  it's creepy.”  

The figure in front of him shifted slightly and was abruptly male again. 
The head tilted to one side. “Does that upset you, Ray?  Why?”	

“Are you kidding?  It's unnatural...  it's downright disgusting.  You're a
man for God's sake.  What's the matter with you?”  

Ben pulled the wig from his head, his lips tight.  It was only a slight
improvement, the makeup changed the whole look of Benny's face and the
tousled hair was just about long enough to appear feminine, even without
the wig.  

“I'm very well aware that I'm a man, Ray.  You're the one who seems to
have a problem with that.  Yet you don't want me as a woman either.”  

“Can we just stop this?  I don't wanna talk about it anymore.  It's sick.”
 

“What do you want, Ray?  Is this it?”  Ben moved suddenly, straddling
Ray's legs on the bed and leaning forward to kiss Ray deeply.  He could
smell the scent on Ben's skin, the one he'd worn as Ms Fraser.  Ben's
tongue was in his mouth, invasive and demanding.  He wouldn't allow Ray to
pull free, but followed his movements until Ray was pressed against the
bed with nowhere left to go.  

It was shocking and incredibly arousing.  At any time Ray could have
evaded his lover if he'd tried, but he had to admit to himself that even
now he wanted this, discomforting as the knowledge was.  Ben's body
hovered over his, and he lifted his hands to run them over the smooth
body, down trembling sides to the sturdy hips.  But when he reached to
touch the heavy, swaying cock, Ben's hand pushed his aside.  

Ben didn't give him another chance.  Their mouths parted and Ben's lips
began to travel down his body, arousing him as only Ben knew how, and
leaving smears of lipstick in his wake.  Ray's fingers tangled themselves
in Ben's hair and began to direct him.  It looked as though Ben was going
to be amenable to that, and before very long, Ray had all but forgotten
the unpleasantness that had preceded their lovemaking.	

By the time that Ben had reached his cock, Ray was almost insensible with
pleasure and eagerly anticipating another long session of Ben's uniquely
inventive tongue play.  Instead, the reddened mouth simply engulfed his
cock and refused to release it.  A brief, awkward hesitation and then Ben
began to suck firmly.  

It didn't take long for him to get just the right balance of pressure and
stimulation, his mouth sliding up and down the shaft before pausing, with
just the cockhead still inside, to suck even more strongly.  He did it
again, combining it with a brisk swipe of his tongue across the cockhead. 
Ray yelped in shock and plunged upwards into the receptive mouth.  

Ray was still recovering when he felt Ben move away.  He turned his head,
but Ben had only moved to sit on the edge of the bed again.  Ray sighed
and closed his eyes, trying to steady his breathing and waiting for the
pounding of his heart to subside.  

After a moment Ray rolled onto his side and pushed himself up on his
elbow.  There was a degree of tension in Ben's broad back that started
warning signals in his brain.  

“Benny?  Are you OK?”  

“Of course I am Ray.  Why shouldn't I be?”  Ben's voice was neutral.  

Uh oh.  Ray tried again.  “That was incredible Benny.  Maybe I was wrong
about...  well, you know.”  

He shifted slightly, trying to catch a glimpse of Ben's face and realised
suddenly what Ben was doing. Between his parted thighs Ben's hand moved in
a firm, purposeful action, giving himself none of the loving attention he
always lavished on Ray.  It was shocking in its insensitivity.	

“Benny, let me...”  Ray reached for him, but Ben hunched his shoulder,
turning away slightly.	

“No!  I don't...”  Ben bit his lip and turned his head away so Ray
couldn't see his face at all.  His body stiffened suddenly and tiny gasp
broke from him.  Then his head and shoulders drooped slightly.	

Guilt and worry turned suddenly to anger, and Ray grabbed Ben's shoulder
and pulled him roughly around.  “And what the hell's that supposed to
prove?  Huh, Benny?  Tell me.”	

“Why nothing, Ray.”  Ben's voice was deceptively mild.  “Isn't this what
you wanted?”  

“What kind of selfish bastard are you trying to make me out to be?  It was
your idea, not mine.”  

“I'm just trying to give you what you want, Ray.  You don't want me as a
man, or as a woman it seems.  So I thought that this might be what you
wanted.  But even that doesn't please you.  What do you want, Ray?  If you
can't accept my body the way it is, there isn't much of a future for us,
is there?”  

Ray swore under his breath and rolled to the other side of the bed.  His
clothes were strewn across the floor and he gathered them up and began to
pull them on with a savage disregard for what it would cost him if they
were damaged.  It only took a couple of minutes and Ben made no move to
stop him.  He slammed the door on his way out.	*  

Ben stared at the closed door for a moment before returning his gaze to
the floor between his feet. He'd been dismayed by his own behaviour just
now, but he'd never been good with words.  At least, not when it came to
dealing with personal situations.  So he'd tried to show by his actions
how badly Ray had been hurting him.  He supposed he ought to know, by now,
that it wouldn't work.	

Sometimes it seemed as though he saw things in a completely different way
to other people.  He was never more aware of that than when he was with
Ray.  In fact, that was one of the things about Ray that he valued
most...  that Ray could bring a whole new perspective to his own view of
the world.  

He wondered, now, if Ray would ever come back.  He hadn't meant to offend
him, and was still not really sure how he'd done it.  If he'd had even the
slightest idea that Ray would react so badly, he would have somehow found
another way.  But it was too late for that.  

Ben rolled onto his side and drew his legs up onto the bed, feeling
suddenly cold.  It had been bad enough when Victoria had rejected him, but
that at least he could understand...  she'd hated him because of something
he'd done to her, not because of something so outside his control as his
gender.  

Perhaps there had never been any hope, even from the beginning, for him
and Ray.  *  

The engine was running, a lovely, throaty purr, but this time the sound
failed to soothe him.  All he had to do was shift the gear lever to drive
and he could get out of here and away from the humiliation of what had
just happened between himself and Benny.  Ray slammed his hands against
the steering wheel and then switched off the engine.  

When he went into the apartment, Ben was lying in the bed, blankets pulled
up to his chest, facing the window.  

“Benny?”  The figure on the bed didn't move.  Ray perched beside him. 
“I'm sorry, Benny.  I've been so damn stupid.  I didn't mean to hurt you.”
 

Ben turned over to face him, but didn't speak.	

Ray leaned over to kiss him deeply, his tongue sliding between parted
lips.  After a moment Ben responded, bringing his hands up to cradle Ray's
head close to him.  Then he pushed Ray gently away from him.  

“I do love you Benny.”  Ray watched Ben's face, but he was giving nothing
away.  “Can I tell you?”  

A tiny nod was his only answer.  

“I love to kiss you, more than anyone I've ever kissed.  You're an
incredible kisser, did you know that?”	

A faint smile.  “Go on, Ray.”  

“I like it that you're my height.  We fit together so well like that... 
and I like it that you're bigger than me.  I didn't at first.  I was used
to being the one that was bigger, you know?  So it took a bit of getting
used to, but I like it now.”  

Silent again, Ben reached out and took hold of his hand, and Ray tightened
his fingers in response.  

“Your hands...  your hands feel so good, Benny.  The way you touch me,
it's incredible...  and I love to touch you too.  Your skin feels so good,
so smooth.”  

“Like a woman's?”  Ben looked at him teasingly.  

Ray smiled, suddenly feeling better.  “Better than a woman's, Benny.  It’s
so soft, but underneath, you’re all hard muscle.”  He began to stroke the
flat chest.  “And your nipples are so sensitive...”  

Ben pulled him down into another kiss and for a while Ray forgot himself
in it.  He allowed Ben to slide his hands under the thin sweater he was
wearing and lift it off over his head.  Then he was pressing close,
rubbing himself against Ben's chest, caressing and being caressed, until
he remembered that he hadn't finished what he wanted to say.  

Ray pulled himself away and looked down at Ben's flushed face and was
struck again by his beauty. He ran his hands slowly over the broad chest,
delighting in the strength of it, and the hard flat muscles of his
abdomen.  

“God, Benny...  this is fantastic...  I love the way you feel.”  He pushed
the blankets lower and let his fingers drift downwards over Ben's stomach,
feeling the muscles contracting involuntarily at his touch. He placed a
kiss below the shallow indentation of his lover's navel.  

Above his head, Ben's breathing quickened.  Ray glanced up at his face and
was satisfied with what he saw, but there was still one last thing...  He
pushed back the blankets to mid thigh, the dark cloth framing bare, pale
skin, and ran his fingertips over the thick pale shaft of Ben's cock.  

It lifted eagerly to his touch and Ray smiled.  How could he have ever
been afraid of this?  It felt so like, yet strangely unlike, his own... 
Ray lowered his head and breathed in the heady aroma of his lover's
arousal.  

“This is so beautiful, Benny.  I love your cock...  and you know what I
love most about it?”  He stroked its length lovingly till he reached the
tip, where the foreskin was just beginning to slide back, revealing the
deeply flushed cockhead.  “It's this.”  And he sealed the declaration with
a kiss on the exposed tip.  

Ben moaned, shifting under his touch and Ray stilled him with his hands. 
He looked up again at Ben's face, naked in its desire for him.  Only for
him.  

“You're so beautiful, Benny.  Especially there...  I've never seen a guy
with one of those before.  At least not like this.”  Ray grinned slightly
and palmed the cock’s hardness.  “And I'm the only guy who's ever seen you
like this.”  

Ray lifted the heavy cock in his hand and drew his tongue slowly over the
moist cockhead, swollen and succulent as a ripened fruit.  But then he
drew back a little, wanting to watch the reaction of this beautiful body
to his loving.	

He began with a gentle stroking, and quickly increased the pressure and
tempo when Ben showed no sign of discomfort.  Ben's hips were moving
slightly in rhythm with his strokes, his muscles contracting and relaxing
with a sweet fluidity that was erotic in its own right.  

Ben was watching him closely.  No doubt he was wondering just how far Ray
was prepared to go.  This time, Ray didn't dare falter.  He bent his head
and ran his tongue firmly from the pale, hairless balls up to the tip of
Ben's cock in one smooth movement, then opened his mouth wide and took the
whole shaft as deeply into his mouth as he could manage.  

The impulse to gag was almost overwhelming but he held still until it had
passed and then began to suck as he drew his lips back up the shaft, then
plunged back down again.  Once he'd established a rhythm, it became
easier, and he could hear Ben's strangled gasps of pleasure.  A certain
sense of satisfaction overcame him...  Benny wasn't the only one who could
do this.  

He might not have Benny's gift with his tongue, but Ray felt he was giving
a good account of himself, and Benny seemed to be enjoying it.  The hot
velvet hardness of it against his tongue was strange and wonderful, and
once started, he couldn't get enough of it.  Suddenly, Ben's breathing
became ragged and his body began to shudder uncontrollably, his cock
spasming and sending out hot bursts of thick fluid.  

Afterwards, it was a peculiar pleasure, to crawl up the length of Ben's
body and offer him a tongue flavoured with his own seed.  Ben's mouth
welcomed him eagerly.  Ben's hands slowly divested him of what remained of
his clothing and brought him home.  *  

“You know, Ray, I don't understand how you can want to make love with me,
and yet still feel so uncomfortable about the idea of having sex with a
man.”  

Ben looked over at Ray drowsing beside him, still not sure whether any
solution had been reached to their problem.  

Ray blinked sleepily.  “Please Benny, can we just leave it?  I hate it
when we fight.  I don't feel the way you do about it, but I do love you. 
All of you.”  

“Do you still...”  Ben hesitated and changed what he was about to say. 
“Is it because you don't want to be gay?  Do you think that if you suck my
cock, or let me suck yours, that will mean you're gay?”  

“Benny!”  Ray stared at his lover in shock.  “When did you start talking
like that?”  

Ben shrugged.  “Well, one of us has to, Ray, if we're going to work things
out between us.”  

“Can't we just make it up as we go?”  Ray leaned in for a kiss.  “I know
I've been acting like a jerk and I won't do it again, OK?  I just don't
feel comfortable talking about it.”  

Ben sighed.  He had the feeling that this problem wasn't going to go away
quite so easily.  But he wasn't ready to make an issue of it again.  Not
yet, anyway.  *  

There was nothing quite so lovely, Ray thought, as lying in a patch of
late Fall sunshine and making out with the man you loved.  Sure it would
have been nice to be on a bed, instead of a bedroll on the floor.  But if
they'd been on the bed, they wouldn't have been lying in the sunshine, and
anyway, Benny's bed was only slightly more comfortable than the floor.	

He gave a cautious lick along the surface of Ben's cock as it weaved and
danced against his cheek.  It still made him a little nervous to be doing
this.  Not so much because of the implications of the act, as because
Benny's reactions were always so...  enthusiastic.  Sometimes
overwhelmingly so.  

Another lick, and a brief rub of his cheek against the shaft while Ray
inhaled the aroma of his aroused lover.  Maybe there was something to this
habit Benny had of sniffing things.  And tasting too. Definitely something
there.  He paused for a while to enjoy the tickle of Ben's hair against
the inside of his thighs and the slow steady sucking of his cock.  

After all, it was only fair that he should return the compliment.  Nothing
to do with being gay at all.  No, it was just good manners, and everybody
knew that Canadians had very good manners.  He guessed that he must be
catching the habit from Benny.	

Oh well.  He circled the deeply flushed cockhead with his tongue and then
sucked it gently into his mouth.  A brief pause in the sucking on his own
cock, and a faint gasp, told him that his friendly gesture was
appreciated.  

Neither of them was in any particular hurry now.  They'd been here most of
the afternoon, after all.  In fact, they'd had to shift several times to
stay in the sunlight.  A contented silence fell over the apartment and Ray
began to feel quite drowsy.  

A soft, wet sensation where he least expected it jolted him suddenly.  

“Geez, Benny!  What do you think you're doing?”  

Ben's tousled head withdrew from between his thighs.  “I believe it's
called rimming, Ray.”  He looked rather pleased with himself.  

Ray groaned dramatically.  

“Don't you like it, Ray?”  The pleased look disappeared off Ben's face.  

“Benny, I suspect a dead man would like that.  Where the hell did you find
out about it?”	

“Oh, I found a book, Ray.  It was most instructive.”  

Ray stared at him incredulously.  “Don't tell me you found a book like
that in the library.  I don't believe it!”  

“No, Ray, of course not.  I bought it in a gay bookstore.”  Ben was eyeing
him uncertainly now.  

A gay bookstore.  What next?  Ray sighed and capitulated.  “Well, don't
stop now...”  

Another hesitant glance and Ben returned to his task.  Ray shuddered as
the soft, wet lapping resumed.  At this rate, things were going to
escalate rapidly.  Ray braced himself.  He wasn’t disappointed.  

Maybe it was the unfamiliarity of this sensation.  Maybe it was the idea
of violating some kind of taboo. Whatever.  It wasn’t long before Ray was
shaking violently with the effort to control his reactions.  In the end he
just gave up the struggle, rolled on top of his lover and began thrusting
with helpless abandon against his chest.  Even then, Ben pursued his task
relentlessly until Ray muffled a howl against the damp and heaving groin
beneath him and let fly.  

A long while later...  “You’d better let me have a look at that book of
yours Benny.”  *  

It was purely self defence, Ray told himself.  If Benny was going to pull
tricks like that on him, he was going to need a bit of advance warning. 
Still, that book was pretty interesting.  He leaned back against Ben’s
chest and allowed his lover to wrap his arms and legs around him.  Ben
rested his chin on Ray’s shoulder so he could read the book too.  Or
rather, look at the pictures.  Ray flipped over a page and his eyes nearly
stood out on stalks.  

“Don’t even think about asking me to do that Benny.”  

Ben shifted uneasily behind him.  “No, Ray...  It does look rather, um,
uncomfortable.”  

“I’m glad you think so.”  

Ray was uneasily aware of Ben’s erection twitching happily against his
lower back.  Not that he was entirely unmoved by what was in this book
himself, but he wasn’t quite sure that he wanted to try very much of it. 
Obviously Benny didn’t feel the same way.  He turned another page and
immediately decided that that had been a mistake.  He heard Ben’s swift
intake of breath and felt another twitch.  

They both stared at the picture.  

Ray licked lips gone suddenly dry.  “No, Benny.”  

“Ray, I haven’t even asked.”  Ben’s protest was half hearted.  

“But you’re gonna, aren’t you?  Maybe not today, but one day you will.”  

Ben’s arms tightened around him.  “I won’t do anything that you don’t want
to do Ray.  But perhaps... well, perhaps you could do it to me...”  

“No.”  

Ben’s sigh gusted in his ear.  “Ray...”  

“No, Benny.  I won’t do it.  And I won’t let you do it to me.”  He twisted
around in Ben’s arms and met his eyes.  What he saw dismayed him.  “You
really want me to fuck you.  Don’t you?”  

Ben’s lips compressed for a moment.  “Yes.  It’s what gay men do, isn’t
it?”  

“Damn you, Benny.  Will you just give it up?”  Ray swung his legs out of
the bed and started reaching for his clothes.  

Ben followed him, but made no attempt to dress.  “Give what up, Ray?  Do
you really think that anybody who knew about us wouldn’t think you were
gay?  Who do you think you’re fooling?”  

“I don’t care what other people think.  What I care about is what I
think.”  He’d managed to get his pants on and was searching for his
sweater.  

“Then you’re only fooling yourself.”  Ben shrugged.  He looked impossibly
gorgeous standing there, naked and still aroused.  It didn’t help one
little bit.  

Ray’s temper snapped.  “Fine.  Where’s my shoes?”  *  

This time he didn’t go back.  Not that day, nor the next.  This time Benny
could have the whole weekend to think it over.  But when he came by the
apartment to pick him up on the way to work on Monday morning, Benny
wasn’t there waiting.  Probably still sulking.  He pushed aside the
thought that Benny might think he’d been sulking.  

When Ben didn’t turn up at lunchtime, Ray began to feel uneasy.  They
usually met for lunch these days, or at least called each other, if they
couldn’t make it.  It wasn’t like Benny to do neither.  Maybe he was
really upset.  He called the Consulate.  Benny wasn’t there.  

A quick trip around to Ben’s apartment only confirmed that something was
badly wrong.  Dief greeted him with frantic whines.  His water and food
bowls were empty.  There was no way that Benny would neglect Dief that
way.  God only knew how long he’d been gone.  

He took Dief back to his own house and left him in his mother’s hands.  A
call to the Consulate and another back to the Precinct had started
inquiries in the regular channels.  He didn’t want to think about that. 
Police stations, the hospitals...  the morgue.  All standard operating
procedure, not requiring his involvement.  He’d hit the streets and
contact as many of Benny’s homeless friends as possible, maybe one of them
had seen him.  

It was three hours before he got a call on his cell phone.  Not very long,
really, but it had seemed like an eternity.  A John Doe fitting Ben’s
description had been taken to Mercy Hospital in the early hours of that
morning.  *  

One of the perquisites of being a cop was that you could break the speed
limit pretty much with impunity.  Ray lost no time in making use of that
fact.  Getting information out of hospital staff was another matter, it
seemed.  He was informed in no uncertain terms that he wouldn’t be allowed
to see the patient.  The patient was still unconscious and therefore
unable to make a statement.  His temper at breaking point, Ray informed
them that ‘the patient’ was also a personal friend.  It didn’t do any
good... visitors were restricted to immediate family only.  

“Dammit, he hasn’t got any family.  I want to see him, now!”  

The overworked doctor simply shrugged and walked away.  The nurse stared
at him sympathetically.  

“Sorry.  Hospital policy.”  

“Yeah, well it sucks.”	

Ray went off in search of a payphone.  Maybe the Dragon Lady could pull
some kind of diplomatic strings.  *  

She could do better than that.  Well, he’d always thought she was pretty
clued up, even if he didn’t particularly like her.  Meg Thatcher arrived
at the hospital in less than half an hour with a large envelope clutched
in one hand.  

“Here, this ought to help.”  She thrust the envelope at him.  “How bad is
it?”  

Ray shrugged.  “They say it’s not life threatening.  He was beaten up in
some alley.  They say he’s come to a couple of times but was too
disoriented to tell them anything.  What is this anyway?”  

“Ben left it with me.  He said it was in case anything happened to him. 
He’s made you his next of kin.” Thatcher was watching him curiously.  

“He what?”  Ray’s lips felt almost too numb to move.  

“You’re his next of kin, Vecchio.  That ought to be enough for the
hospital.  There’s some other things too.  He said to give it to you if it
became necessary.  I suppose this qualifies.”  

He managed to lift his eyes from the envelope in his hands.  Their eyes
met, then Thatcher’s narrowed. Ray wondered what she saw.  *  

They’d said Ben wasn’t badly hurt.  Ray wondered what the hell would have
to happen before they decided someone was badly hurt.  Ben’s face was
covered with bruises, his eyes blackened and his lower lip swollen and
split.  There were more bruises on his bare arms and his knuckles were
bloody. The rest was covered by the hospital gown.  

They’d said he had concussion, but no fractures to the skull.  Ray had
felt better about that before he actually saw his lover.  He sat beside
the bed and stared helplessly at Ben, too scared to touch him.  He was
still lying on his side, in the recovery position, a drip in his left
arm.  There were traces of blood in his hair and on his face.  Suddenly,
it seemed very important that he clean away that dried blood.  

He was still carefully cleaning Ben’s face when the nurse came in, but it
didn’t faze her at all.  She smiled.  

“I’m glad you were able to get in.  I always think it’s a pity when a
patient has nobody to stay with them.”	

Ray looked up at her doubtfully.  “Is it any good my talking to him?  Can
he hear me?”  

“I’m not sure.  Maybe.”  She shrugged.  “It can’t hurt, can it?”  

He waited while she checked the drip and left, then leaned towards the
bed.  “Benny?  Can you hear me?”  

No response, of course.  He leaned closer and began to stroke the dark
hair gently wondering what the hell he was going to say.  *  

It was more than two hours later that Ben woke.  Ray was almost hoarse,
though he couldn’t remember a single thing he’d said.  As soon as Ben’s
dark lashes fluttered slightly, every thought fled his mind and he sat,
dumbly, waiting for his lover to wake.	

At last the bruised eyelids parted slightly.  

“Benny?”  Ray leaned close, his grip on Ben’s hand tightening
unconsciously.	

A rasping cough was the only reply.  Ray spooned a few ice chips between
the dry lips and was rewarded with a weak smile.  

“Ray.”	

Thank God.  “Listen, Benny, you’re gonna be OK.  Do you remember what
happened?”  He found a place on Ben’s cheek that wasn’t quite so bruised
and cupped his palm over it.  

Ben frowned slightly and winced.  “No...  Dief?”  

“He’s fine.  He’s with Ma.  You just take it easy.”  

Ben’s eyes were already closing again.  Ray stroked his hair and leaned
over to kiss his cheek.  It was early yet...  he settled back in the chair
to wait.  

It was a while before he thought of opening the envelope Meg Thatcher had
given him.  Other than thanking his lucky stars that Benny had made him
his next of kin, Ray hadn’t given it much thought.  But now that he knew
Benny was going to be all right, he wanted to know what was in there.  

First he read the letter designating him as next of kin.  It was
straightforward enough, but something nagged at him.  He was investigating
the other contents of the envelope when it struck him.  The date on the
letter showed it had been written just a few days after they’d become
lovers.  With difficulty, Ray turned his attention back to the envelope.  

Another letter of some kind, in a smaller envelope with his name on it.  A
Will.  Some other legal papers he simply tossed aside.  He could look at
them later.  He hesitated over the Will, then realised that it also had
the same date.  Curiosity won out over respect for Ben’s privacy.  Benny
had meant him to have it, after all...	

Ben had left everything he owned to Ray, along with a request that he
would look after Dief.  As if he’d need to ask that.  It was more symbolic
than anything, the man owned next to nothing.  Still, it struck Ray like a
blow.  It hadn’t even occurred to Ray that he should make any kind of
arrangements that would include Ben.  

Putting off the moment when he would have to read the letter, Ray flicked
through the other papers.  A Power of Attorney, in case he should be left
incapable of making his own decisions.  A living will, with Ray as the
executor.  Ben’s whole life given over to Ray’s hands.  All set up on the
same date.  It scared him.  

He held the smaller envelope in his hands a long time, watching Ben sleep,
and finally found the courage to open it.  Again the same date.  He closed
his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath.	

Dear Ray,  

I have given this letter, along with other papers, to Inspector Thatcher
to be delivered to you should she deem it necessary.  I have deliberately
left this decision to her discretion, as there is no way of knowing what
situations may arise in the future.  I sincerely hope you will not receive
this until after my death, as you may otherwise be required to make some
difficult and, I fear, painful decisions regarding my disposal.  I would
like to make it clear to you that I have no wish to be kept alive by
artificial means if there should be no hope of my recovery.  

Selfishly, I hope that you will someday read this, as otherwise it would
mean that I had outlived you.  I do not wish to do so.  You are the best
friend I have ever had, and to lose you would be a blow from which I feel
I could never entirely recover.  

I am proud to call you my friend.  I have had few true friends in my life,
and none of them more true a friend than you have been to me.  From the
moment we met, I sensed a connection between us, which has only grown
stronger with time.  Indeed, you have been much more than a friend to me. 
So much more, that I cannot express it in this letter.  I can only hope
that you will understand my meaning.  

For myself, I will say that I hope our friendship has given you the same
happiness that it has brought into my life, and that it will endure for as
long as we both remain alive.  

Your friend, as always,  

Benton Fraser	

Ray folded the letter with trembling hands and slid it carefully back into
the envelope.  

It was a love letter.  A damn love letter.  And, typical of Benny, written
so that only he would know it. Ray closed his stinging eyes, clenched his
fists, and swore under his breath.  *  

By the time Ben woke again, Ray had had plenty of time to think over the
implications of that letter.  Too much time.  It was a relief when Benny
began to stir, wordlessly protesting the pain, from which he could get no
release.  There would be no pain killers for him, not with that
concussion.  

He held Ben’s hand tightly and wiped a damp cloth across his sore, dry
lips.  Just the tiniest sip of water was all that he could risk.  Ben
frowned but he knew, better than Ray, that he shouldn’t have any more than
that.  After a moment he relaxed a little, closing his eyes, and Ray
returned to stroking his hair.	

But it seemed that he wasn’t going to go back to sleep, at least not
straight away.  The blackened eyes opened again to mere slits, and Ben
managed a small smile.	

“How are you feeling, Benny?”  

“Awful.”  His voice was pitiful, and Ray suppressed a smile.  If he was
starting to fish for sympathy, Benny couldn’t be too badly off, no matter
how terrible he looked.  

He wasn’t ready to talk about the letter, and Benny was in no condition to
do that anyway.  There didn’t seem to be any need to talk at all.  Ray’s
fingers slid through the thick silky strands of hair until he accidentally
brushed against a small lump and Ben flinched.	

“Sorry, Benny.”  Ray looked at him carefully.  “Maybe I’d better go.”  

“Don’t.”  Ben’s response was immediate, and heart-warming.  

“You need to rest, Benny.”  He found a place on the swollen lips that
didn’t look too sore and placed a cautious kiss there.  “I love you.”  He
whispered the words.  “I do love you, OK?”  

Ben gave him a slightly bewildered smile.  “Yes, Ray.”	

“All right.  I’ll see you in the morning.”  *  

By seven thirty, Ray was back at the hospital.  That was no hardship
considering he’d spent most of the night lying awake thinking about
Benny’s letter.  He felt like the world’s largest worm.  He loved Benny.
He’d told Benny he loved him...  but he’d done everything he could to keep
that love from affecting any part of their life outside Benny’s
apartment.  Hell, they never even went out for meals or to the movies
anymore, the way they had before they’d become lovers.	

He wondered, if Benny had to write that letter now, whether he would have
written it in quite the same way.  Or made the same decisions about those
legal papers.  And realised that he probably would have. Benny’s loyalty
to his friends was absolute.  Still, it made him wince to think of the
hopes that Benny must have had in those first few days.  Hopes that he,
Raymond Vecchio, had selfishly trampled on.  

All those unpleasant thoughts flew out the window when he went into Ben’s
room.  He was sitting propped up in the big hospital bed trying to suck
some orange juice through a straw and obviously not succeeding very well. 
Ray knew how that felt.  His bruised cheeks would be too sore to suck
properly and, by the look of them, his hands were too stiff to manage
holding the glass securely.  The bruises were looking their worst right
now, but apart from that he seemed about a hundred percent better than he
had last night.  

“Hey, Benny.  How’re you doing?”  

Ben gave up on his attempt to drink the orange juice with a small sigh. 
“Well...”  

“Lemme help ya, Benny.”  

He pushed the tray to one side and took the straw out of the glass. 
“Here.”  He held the juice to Ben’s lips.  “Just small sips, OK? 
Otherwise you’ll spill it all over yourself.”  

It took a while, but Ben managed to drink most of the juice.  Ray cleaned
him up a little and he relaxed back against the pillows.  

“Benny, I can’t stay long.  Do you remember anything yet?”  

“I’m afraid not, Ray.”  Ben closed his eyes briefly.  

Ray sighed.  “Well, don’t worry, it’ll come back to you.  I really want to
get those bastards.”  

A small silence fell and Ray found he was looking anywhere but at Ben’s
face.  Sooner or later he’d have to tell Benny about reading that letter. 
Right now he’d prefer it was later.  He glanced at his watch.  

“Benny, I gotta go.”  He was halfway to the door when he turned back.  Ben
was watching him with a concerned look on his face.  He came back and
perched on the side of the bed.  “Benny...  the Dragon Lady brought some
of your stuff here.  You know, those papers you signed?”  

Ben nodded warily.  

“I read that letter you wrote, Benny.”	

“Oh.”  Ben looked down at his hands, but Ray could see the flush rising in
his cheeks.  “Ray, I...”  

“It was beautiful, Benny.  But it made me feel kinda lousy.  I haven’t
given you much back.”  God, it was hard to talk about it.  

“Why, that’s not true, Ray.  You’ve made me so very happy.”  Ben was
looking at him in surprise.  

“Benny...”  He leaned forward and put his hand over Ben’s.  “Benny, it
never even occurred to me to do something like that for you.”  

“Ray, it’s all right.  You have your family to provide for, I have nobody
else.  I never expected you to do anything.”  

“No.  It’s not all right, Benny.  Sure, I’d have to leave the house to Ma,
or Maria and Frannie, it’s their home too.  But I could have done
something.  I could have at least left you a letter.  I never even thought
of it.”  He met Ben’s eyes with difficulty.  “Truth is, I’m so scared of
people finding out about us, I don’t think much about anything outside of
having sex with you.  I’m sorry, Benny.  You deserve better than that.”  

“Oh, Ray...  what I deserve doesn’t matter.  What I want is you.”  

There was no doubting the sincerity in Benny’s voice, or his eyes.  Ray
smiled wryly.  “Yeah, I know. Pretty stupid of you, huh?”  

An answering smile tilted one corner of Ben’s mouth.  “Yes.”  

Ray leaned forward and drew Ben up carefully, needing to feel the familiar
shape of him in his arms.  He settled himself against Ray’s chest with a
small sigh and let his head rest against Ray’s shoulder.  Even through the
antiseptic smells of the hospital, Ray could detect Ben’s unique scent. 
He slid his fingers inside the opening of the hospital gown and began to
stroke the bare skin beneath.  

“Mmn.  That’s nice.”  Ben’s voice was drowsy.  

Ray could have stayed there for hours, but if he didn’t leave soon, he’d
be late for work.  And he really wanted to get to work, so he could find
whoever had beaten up his lover.  How he was going to do that, with no
witnesses, he didn’t know, but he was going to do his damnedest.  He eased
Ben, now half asleep, back onto the pillows and placed a gentle kiss on
his mouth.  

That cut through his lover’s sleepiness with a vengeance.  This was their
first real kiss in over three days.  It ended, abruptly, at the sound of a
footstep behind them.  Ray pulled back.  

“Oh, don’t mind me.  Just don’t let me find you actually in the bed.  The
patient needs his rest, you know.”  

It was that nurse again, cheerfully unconcerned at finding them making
out.  Ray retreated to the door.  

“I gotta go, Benny.  I’ll drop by in my lunch break, OK?”  

He was pleased to see that Benny was looking almost as flustered as he was
feeling himself.  

“I’ll look forward to it, Ray.”  

The nurse chuckled and Ben flushed vividly.  Definitely time to go.  It
was only as he left the hospital that he realised.  They’d been found out,
and the sky hadn’t fallen.  At least not yet.  *  

By the time his lunch break came around, Ray had other things on his
mind.  Shortly after eleven he’d had a call from another precinct.  A
young car thief had been brought in for questioning, and they’d found
Ben’s wallet in his jacket.  The kid had been in a recent fight, it all
seemed to add up.  Ray arranged for him to be delivered to the 27th
Precinct.  

It was obvious that the boy hadn’t been alone, there was no way he’d be
able to fight Ben on his own. But then Ray had never imagined it would
have been just one person.  The kid was put into an interrogation room and
left to stew for a while.  

As soon as Ray entered the interrogation room, he knew this kid was going
to be trouble.  The air of resentment and defiance was unmistakable. 
Huey, sitting at the table with the kid, threw him a sour look. Ray
sighed.  This was likely to take a long time.  

He was wrong.  It didn’t take long at all.  As soon as the kid knew what
he was being held for, he started to talk.  

“Sure, I did it.  Me and my friends.  Beat the crap out of him.”  The kid
leaned back in his chair looking pleased with himself.  He grinned
broadly.  “You ain’t gonna bust me on this one.”  

“Why’s that, Charlie?”  Huey asked the question.  Ray was too busy trying
to keep a hold on his temper.  

“Coz I know you guys hate them even more than we do.  He’s a fucking
queer, man.  We followed him from that place they hang out in.”  

Huey shook his head.  “You got it wrong, Charlie.  He’s a cop, and you’re
in big trouble.”  

“No!”  Charlie straightened in his chair, a look of outrage on his face. 
“He’s a queer.  I done you guys a favour.  Scum like that don’t deserve to
live.  We shoulda killed him.”	

Ray lunged out of his chair, surprising all of them, including himself. 
He grabbed the young punk by his arm and almost threw him against the
wall.  Only Huey’s belated intervention stopped him from planting a fist
in the centre of the boy’s face.  

“Vecchio!  Calm down, dammit.”	

Ray was in no mood to calm down, he struggled against Huey’s grip and
heard him bellowing for help. Within moments the room was full of people
and Ray was being dragged, still fighting, towards the door. His only
satisfaction was the sight of Charlie’s face, the smug look wiped away now
and replaced by fear.  *  

Lt Welsh dropped the file onto his desk and finally looked up.  The
expression on his face was far from encouraging.  Ray, who’d had a chance
to cool down a little, swallowed uneasily.  

“So.  Would you like to explain to me how you came to attack a suspect you
were supposed to be interrogating?”  

Welsh’s voice was quiet and reasonable.  That didn’t fool Ray for a
moment, he knew he was in deep trouble.  

“Sir, I have no excuse.  Sir.”	

The bushy eyebrows rose slightly.  “I don’t recall asking for an excuse,
Vecchio.  I want an explanation.”  

“Well, sir, I lost it.”  Welsh merely stared at him.  “ I’m sorry, sir. 
It won’t happen again.”  

“I certainly hope not.  I’m still waiting...  for that explanation?”  He
smiled encouragingly.  

Uh-oh.  “Well, sir...  the suspect, uh..  well, he made some remarks about
Constable Fraser, sir.  And I guess I kinda lost my temper, sir.”  

“Ah.  You lost your temper.”  Welsh flipped over a page.  Ray knew damn
well that nothing had been written down, at least yet, but that didn’t
ease the sudden tightness of his collar.  “It seems he cast some doubt on
the Constable’s, shall we say, sexual preferences?  And for this you found
it necessary to assault a suspect in my station?”  

When in doubt keep it brief.  “Yes, sir.”  

“I see.”  Welsh was still ominously calm.  Ray lost it again.  

“Damn it sir, I had to listen to that little bastard bragging about how he
and his friends beat Benny up. About how they should have killed him.  It
makes me sick to think that, just because Benny’s gay, punks like that
believe they’re better than him.  Benny’s worth a dozen of them!  More.”  

Ray saw Welsh’s eyebrow shoot up and realised what he’d just said.  Now
the shit was really going to hit the fan.  But after a long look, Welsh’s
eyes dropped to his desk again.  Ray waited in silence for the axe to
fall.  

“You’re off the case.  You’re suspended without pay for the rest of the
day.  Get out.”  

That was all?  Ray’s jaw dropped.  “Sir?”  

He got an impatient look in return.  “I’m sure you can think of something
to do, Vecchio.  Get out of here and don’t come back until tomorrow.”  *  

Ben was sleeping again when he got to the hospital.  Well, Ray had plenty
to think about.  He sat in the armchair and wondered morosely whether he’d
just come out to his boss.  Considering how he and Benny were just about
joined at the hip, the mostly likely answer to that question was yes.  

Then there was the question of why Benny had been at the Rainbow Centre. 
Had he gone there because of the fight they’d had on Friday night?  It
occurred to him that he might have gone looking for another lover, but
that wasn’t Benny’s style at all.  He might have wanted company, though. 
The company of people who wouldn’t think less of him for being gay.  Who
would understand what he was going through.  If he hadn’t gone there... 
if Ray hadn't had that fight with him...  Benny would never have been
beaten up.  

He was still lost in gloomy reflections when a stirring from the bed
signalled that Ben was waking.  He went over to sit on the edge of the bed
and take Ben’s hand.  It was definitely a pleasure to watch Benny wake,
even in the battered condition he was in now.  

Ben’s eyes opened slowly and his whole face lit up in a smile.  “Ray.  Was
your lunch break delayed?”  

“Kind of.”  Ray dropped a kiss on Ben’s cheek.  “I’ve got the rest of the
day off.”  

“Oh?”  Ben’s voice was mildly inquiring.  

Ray shrugged.  “Yeah, well, stuff happened.”  He wondered briefly whether
he should tell Benny, but he’d find out soon enough.  “We found one of the
kids who attacked you.  There were five of them.”  

“You don’t sound very pleased Ray.”  

“I kinda lost it...”  Ray rubbed his hand over his face.  He sighed, and
looked Ben straight in the eyes. “They followed you from the Rainbow
Centre, Benny.  They attacked you because you’re gay.  The little shit was
proud of it.  I tried to hit him.”  

Ben’s eyes dropped.  “Oh.  I assume the whole precinct knows about it.”  

“Well, if they don’t yet, they will soon.”  

“I’m sorry, Ray.”  Ben sighed.	

“You’re sorry?  Benny...”  Ray stared at his lover incredulously.  “Why
should you be sorry?”  

Ben glanced up at him and away again.  “People are going to assume... 
after all, they know how close we are.”  

Ray shrugged.  “Yeah, I think Welsh’s already assumed.  But I don’t know
why you’re apologising. Dammit this is all my fault.  If we hadn’t had
that fight, you would never have gone to the Centre.”  

Ben shifted uneasily.  “Well, actually Ray, I’ve been going there for
several weeks.  I wanted to meet other gay people.”  

“And you didn’t tell me?”  Ben didn’t answer, and after a moment Ray
calmed down.  “I guess I deserved that.”  

Ben frowned slightly.  “Ray, I just thought you’d prefer not to know.”	

“You’re probably right.”  He slid down off the high bed and walked over to
the window.  There wasn’t much of a view, but it was better than facing
what was happening in the room.  After a moment he looked back over his
shoulder to see Ben watching him anxiously.  He turned away again, his
heart thumping.  

The view wasn’t helping any.  Finally he walked back to the bed.  

“This is so stupid, Benny.  You could have died.  If you had, I’d never
have been able to forgive myself...”  

“Ray...”  

“No.  Let me finish, Benny.”  Ben fell silent, watching him closely and
Ray took a deep breath.  “The thing is...  I figure that if you’d died,
well I wouldn’t have cared anymore about what people thought.  So it’s
kind stupid to make us both miserable about it while you’re alive.  Isn’t
it?”  

There was a hint of a smile on Ben’s bruised lips.  “What are you saying,
Ray?”  

Ray glared at him.  “You’re gonna make me say it, aren’t ya?”  

The smile grew slightly.  

“Well, I guess what I’m saying is...  aw hell, Benny.”  Ray swallowed
hard.  “I guess I’m gay.”  

Ben grinned.  “You guess, Ray?”  

“All right!  I’m gay.  I’m
definitely-one-hundred-percent-no-doubt-about-it gay.  Satisfied?”  

The grin got broader.  “Yes, Ray...  Ow.”  Ben raised his hand to touch
his split lip.  It had started to bleed slightly.  

Ray handed him a tissue.  “Serves you right.”  *  

The apartment door burst open before Ben had a chance to make it back to
the bed.  Ray stood in the doorway frowning. He should have known Benny
wouldn’t stay in bed.  He cast an accusing glance at Dief, sitting by the
window, but Dief calmly turned his head away, refusing to take
responsibility for his packmate’s behaviour.  

“Benny!  What do you think you're doing out of bed?”  

Ben hunched a defensive shoulder.  “Well, I’m feeling much better, Ray. 
Besides, I can't stay in bed all day.”	

“Yes, you can.”  Ray took his arm and began steering him back across the
room.  “I like it when you’re in bed, Benny.”  

“Well, perhaps if you were in bed too, I might stay there.”  There was a
tinge of sulkiness in Benny’s voice.  “I’m tired of staying in bed,
especially since you won’t even join me.”  

“Later.”  Ray smiled enigmatically at him and pushed him down onto the
bed.  

Ben reached for his lover.  “Ray...”  

“Later.”  Ray frowned at him and moved out of reach.  “We’ve got plenty of
time.  All night.”  

“All...”  Ben’s voice trailed off.  He looked at Ray quizzically.  

Ray tried to shrug casually, but didn’t quite bring it off.  “Yeah.  I
told Ma I was staying with you tonight.”  

It was only two days since Ray had told his mother they were lovers.  Ben
waited.  

“She’s OK about it.  Kinda.”  Ray wandered back over to the bed and Ben
caught his hand and pulled him down to sit beside him.	

“What do you mean by OK, Ray?”  Ben touched a hand to Ray’s cheek.  

Ray smiled weakly.  “Well, I’m still alive, aren’t I?  And she didn’t cut
off any important bits with the kitchen knife.”  

“I’m very glad to hear that, Ray.”  

“Yeah.  She probably thought that would only make me more inclined... you
know...”  

“And would it, Ray?”  

“Don’t even joke about it, Benny.”  Ray shuddered.  

Ben pulled Ray down into his arms.  “She’ll get used to it, Ray.  You’ll
see.  Just give her some time.”  

“Sure.”  

There wasn’t anything Benny could say that would help and they both knew
it.  Ray sighed and settled next to him, resting his head against Ben’s
shoulder.  

“I’m not hurting you, am I, Benny?”  

“No.  I wish you’d believe me Ray.  I feel fine, just a little weak, and
stiff.  I’m not in any pain.”  Ben brushed his lips against Ray’s temple. 
“In fact, I feel... well, I feel like making love, Ray, if you want to.”  

Ray lifted his head slightly and grinned.  “If I want to... Benny, what do
you think?”  

Ben didn’t bother to answer in words.  Ray’s heart suddenly began to beat
much faster as Ben kissed him.  It was rather like setting light to a
firework, generating an intense burst of heat and sparks.  Ben encouraged
Ray’s hungry response, quickly divesting him of his clothes and Ray joined
in with an equal urgency.  Soon they were both naked and tangled together.
 

For a while they were both too eager to think about what they were doing,
simply moving against each other in the attempt to touch as much as
possible of the other’s body.  When Ray finally managed to pull back a
little, they were both panting.  

“Oh God, Benny.  It’s been so long!”  Actually, it had been almost exactly
one week... but he had to admit, it felt like much longer.  

Ben ran his hands down over Ray’s back, drawing his hips in even closer
and Ray groaned helplessly. Ben nibbled on his earlobe then ran his tongue
slowly around the curves of his ear, taking care to breathe softly into
its depths.  It didn’t have quite the effect he obviously intended.  

“Benny?  Are you up to something?”  Ray stared down at his lover
suspiciously.  

“I would have thought that was obvious, Ray.”  He giggled happily at his
own pun and Ray groaned.  

“Benny, you’ve got something in mind, haven’t you?”  

“Well, yes Ray, but you don’t need to sound so... so apprehensive.”  Ben
aimed another soft lick at Ray’s ear.  

Ray groaned again.  “You’d better tell me then.  But I ain’t promising
anything, OK?”	

“Ray, Ray, Ray...”  Ben sighed.  He kissed Ray lingeringly on the mouth,
thoroughly exploring with his tongue, and then reluctantly released him. 
He leaned close and murmured into the ear he’d been licking. “I want you
to fuck me Ray.”  

Ray jerked back out of his arms and stared at him in horror.  “Are you
crazy?  In your condition?  No!”  

“I’m not in any condition, Ray.  I’m just a little stiff.  You won’t hurt
me.”   He tried to draw Ray back down again, but Ray resisted.	

“Of course, I’ll hurt you!  And I’m not talking about bruises either.” 
Ray flushed suddenly and couldn’t meet his eyes.  He saw the knowing look
on Benny’s face.  The one that recognised that he had been thinking about
it.  Damn.  

Ben smiled up at him.  “No you won’t, Ray.  I’ve been... ah... making
preparations.”  Suddenly he was blushing too.  

Ray eyed him doubtfully.  “What kind of preparations?”  Then, as Ben
opened his mouth to reply, “No. On second thoughts, I don’t think I wanna
know.  You’re sure about this Benny?”  

“Quite sure.”  Ben reached up for a kiss.  “I’ve bought some... things...
Ray.  They’re in my trunk.”  

“Geez, you really have been thinking about it, haven’t you?”  Ray reached
over and extracted a pack of condoms and a tube of lubricant from the
trunk.  “I suppose you’ll want to do it to me too, huh?”  

“Not today, Ray.  You’re not ready for it yet.”  Ben caught the glance Ray
threw in his direction.  “I mean... when you want to do it...”	

“I’ll think about it.  Just don’t start pushing, OK?”  

“No, Ray.”  Ben drew a silent breath of relief and hurriedly dropped that
line of conversation.  “Do you want me to...”  

Ray handed him the unwrapped condom, grinning.  “Oh yeah... and take your
time, Benny.”  

But once the condom had been lovingly applied to his hardened cock, Ray
hesitated.  

“How do you want to do this Benny?  You’re the expert, not me.”  

Ben flushed again. “Well, I’m hardly an expert...”  

“Don’t tell me you haven’t got this all planned.  I won’t believe you.”  

The blue eyes turned a little dreamy.  “Well...”  

Ray leaned in for a lingering kiss.  “What, Benny?”  His voice was soft.  

“I’d like to do it face to face, Ray.”	

Benny was staring up at him with his face completely unguarded.  Something
inside Ray melted and he knew that it was showing in his face just as
plainly.  “Anything you want, love.”  

Ben wriggled around slightly as Ray drew back the covers, parting his legs
and then drawing them up, hands clasping his shins.  It was an act of
complete submission, all the more powerful because Benny, however polite
he might be, was far from being a submissive man.  Ray’s heart was
pounding furiously. His hands were shaking as he reached down to touch his
lover’s cock, still only half hard.  His fingers trailed a light caress
along its length.  

“Are you sure you’re ready for this, Benny?”  

“Yes, Ray.  Don’t be afraid.”  Ben’s voice was supremely confident.  

“Oh, Benny...”  The words were hardly more than a sigh.  Ray leaned down
and kissed the beautiful, musk-scented genitals lovingly, then reached for
the lube.  

He took his time with the lubricant, using far more of it than was really
necessary.  The thought that he might hurt Benny haunted him, but when he
finally gathered the courage to slid one gentle probing finger inside, his
lover’s body accepted it easily.  A second finger followed with no more
difficulty than the first, and he finally began to believe that this could
really happen.  A third finger, and Benny moaned deliriously.  Ray was
shaking so badly he could almost feel his control slipping away moment by
moment.  

“Ray, please.”  Ben’s face was sheened with sweat, his hair clinging to
his forehead.  His eyes were heavy with passion, searing Ray with their
touch.	

Ray moaned and slid forward across Ben’s body, one hand guiding himself to
the welcoming entrance. Ben cried out, but not in pain, as Ray pressed
into him and then reached up to hold him securely with his arms and legs. 
His erection, never complete, wilted between their bodies and Ray looked
into his eyes again.  

“Are you OK, Benny?”  

An euphoric smile crossed the flushed face.  “I’m fine, Ray.  It’s a
natural reaction, I assure you.”  

Ray kissed the sensuous lips and moved a little deeper, drawing long sighs
from both of them.  With exquisite care he began to rock gently, deepening
the thrusts when Ben showed no signs of discomfort. It was difficult to
maintain this restraint when all his body wanted to do was plunge itself
into the depths of the beautiful man beneath him.  Ray shuddered, felt it
echoed by Ben and lowered his head to his lover’s shoulder, gritting his
teeth with determination.  

All too soon, his body betrayed him.  Not, thankfully, to the extent he’d
feared, but it became impossible to hold back any longer.  Ben came with
him, matching his urgency, the powerful hips lifting to meet his thrusts,
the strong hands on his butt urging him on.  A final, agonised thrust, a
long trembling moment of suspension, and Ray was pouring himself out as
Ben’s body clenched around him, impossibly tight. With a sob, Ray
collapsed against Ben’s chest, gasping for breath.  

*  

Ray stirred sluggishly against his side and Ben turned his head to kiss
him, his blood still singing with pleasure from what they’d done. 
Mine...  The sense of possessiveness swept over him without any warning. 
Shocking, really, that he should be thinking this way.	

“Mmm, Benny.  That was incredible.”  

Long fingers strayed over his body and Ben gasped as they found his still
hard cock.  

Ray sat up suddenly.  “Benny, you didn’t come?  Are you OK?”  

“I’m fine, Ray.”  Ben pulled him back down and kissed him thoroughly. 
“But I would like to do something about it...”	

“Oh yeah...”  Ray grinned against his mouth.  “What, Benny?  Tell me what
you wanna do.”	

Ben didn’t answer straightaway and Ray backed off a little and looked at
him thoughtfully.  

“You want to fuck me, Benny?  I don’t mind.  I’ll do it.”  

He would like to fuck Ray.  He wanted it so badly, he ached, but if they
did that now he knew he’d hurt Ray.  After what he’d just experienced, he
doubted that Ray would mind.  He would mind though.  Ben sighed.  

“No, Ray.  Not yet.”  His hands strayed longingly over Ray’s ass and Ray
moaned, squirming against him.	

He rolled Ray onto his belly and began to trail slow kisses down his
spine, while his hands continued their massage of Ray’s delicious butt. 
The eager response took Ben by surprise as Ray’s hips lifted against his
touch.  Before long Ray’s face was buried in the pillow and his butt was
hoisted high, his legs drawn up underneath him, blatantly presenting
himself to his lover.  Ben shivered, tempted almost beyond endurance.  

Ben’s mouth travelled over the elegant cheeks, kissing and nibbling,
licking here and there, while his hands reached between Ray’s legs and
stroked.  When the hunger became too great, he sat back on his heels for a
moment.  

“God, Benny, don’t stop now.”  

Ben’s lips twisted up in a rueful smile.  “Believe me, Ray, I have no
intention of stopping.”  

He bent down again and kissed the swaying balls gently, reaching for Ray’s
cock and drawing it back to where he could take its length into his
mouth.  Ray moaned as he licked and sucked and stroked before transferring
his attention to the smooth cheeks again.  Gradually he zeroed in on the
valley between those luscious mounds and felt Ray shudder in
anticipation.  The caress of his tongue deepened until he was probing
carefully into the cleft and Ben spared one hand from his stroking to part
Ray’s buttocks.  

Ben’s own arousal was becoming too intense, distracting him from his
pleasuring of Ray’s body.  Finally he withdrew again and reached for the
lube.  He smeared a little of it over his cock, the rest between Ray’s
buttocks.  The sight of Ray like this, the sounds of pleasure he was
making, was almost enough to make Ben throw his resolution aside.  He
pressed the tip of his cock gently against Ray’s pouting anus and rubbed
slowly.  

“God!  Do it Benny.  Fuck me.”  The words came out as a strangled groan.  

Ben sobbed with the effort of stopping himself.  “No, Ray.  Later.”  

Before he could change his mind, Ben leaned forward and slid his cock
along the cleft of Ray’s ass, thrusting slowly at first and then with
increasing intensity.  Ray’s ass pushed up against him and he bent over,
covering Ray’s body with his own, increasing the pressure on his cock.  He
buried his face in the nape of Ray’s neck, wrapped one arm around Ray’s
chest and gave himself up to the sensations.  He couldn’t last long, the
way he was feeling now.  

Ben reached down with his free hand to the dark cock swaying beneath Ray’s
body and closed his fingers tightly around the shaft.  Ray didn’t need to
do anything.  The thrust of his own hips pushed Ray’s cock into his grip
and Ray simply went with it.  Moments later the orgasm hit him, wrenching
the breath from his body and all the strength from his limbs.  

*  

Somehow, they’d ended up in a tangled heap on their sides.  Ray could feel
the wet stickiness of Ben’s ejaculate on his back and the sweaty body hot
against his skin.  Ben’s arms were still around him and one large, capable
hand gently cupped Ray’s softened genitals.  Ray smiled and wriggled his
hips a little. Behind him Ben stirred, mumbling something against his
neck.  

It was heavenly to lie here like this, the scent of their lovemaking rich
in the air around them, and feel the sleepy movements of his lover at his
back.  It would be even better if Benny should wake and feel like an
action replay.  Ray stroked the hand that lay relaxed on his chest and was
rewarded with another stirring at his back.  Ben’s lips nuzzled the back
of his neck...	

“Oww!  Whaddaya doing, Benny?”	

A soft tongue licked the sore spot.  “Have you ever seen wolves mate,
Ray?  The dominant partner, the one on top, bites his partner around the
neck.  It’s part of their love play.”  

“Ya know, it’s funny, Benny, but there aren’t too many wolves in the
Greater Chicago area.  Except for Dief, of course.”  Ray wriggled around
to face his lover.  

Ben smiled, shifting his hands to hold him securely.  “Wolves mate for
life, Ray.  And some of them...” he sought a kiss... “mate with their own
sex.”  

Ohh...  Ray thought he saw where this was going.  “Is this some Canadian
way of saying this is forever? ‘Cause I have to tell ya, Benny, it
hurts.”  He rubbed the sore spot on his neck.  

“I don’t know, Ray.  Are we mated?”  The blue eyes were watching him
carefully.  

He ought to have known it would come to this.  Maybe a part of him had
known, but the rest of him hadn’t wanted to admit it.  Trouble was, he was
way past the point where he could back out now, even if he wanted to.  And
he didn’t want to.  

Ray grinned, wolfishly he hoped, and snaked his head forward to nip at the
base of his lover’s throat, leaving a small reddened patch of skin.  

“Oh, yes....”  He kissed the spot and Ben shivered.  “You’re mine now,
Benny...”