Not Going Away    Not Going Away by Anon

 Author's disclaimer: Just borrowed, for fun.

 Author's notes: Comments are welcome. Thanks to everyone who emailed, I
do appreciate it. It isn't possible to strangle someone through email, is
it? - now, about that resolution . . . Next one, I promise. :)

  

 Neither of them had slept well. Ray had finally fallen asleep sometime
after midnight, although he had been seemed restless. Fraser had not slept
much at all. At five-thirty, he left Ray asleep, showered, dressed and
went downstairs. He had expected to be alone, at least for a while.
Instead he found Mrs. Vecchio sitting in the kitchen, drinking coffee. He
almost excused himself and left, but she apparently had no intention of
allowing that. 

 "Benton, please come talk to me." She looked at him and put her hand on
the chair next to hers. He tried to smile, then walked to the table and
sat next to her. "Would you like some coffee, Benton? Or, I could make
tea?" 

 He looked down at his hands on the table. "Thank you, Mrs. Vecchio.
Coffee will be fine." He continued staring down as she placed a cup in
front of him and poured the coffee. Then, she returned to her seat and
they sat in silence for a while before she spoke again. 

 "Benton, is he going to do it? I'm sorry, caro, I heard part of your
argument last night. I didn't mean to, but Raimundo was a little loud at
times." 

 He almost smiled at that. "That's all right, Mrs. Vecchio, it couldn't be
helped." He hesitated, then added, "he says he will go, if I go with him."


 She sighed and looked at him. He was motionless, still staring at the
table. "I'm glad, Benton. I was planning to insist on one of us going with
him, but then I was afraid he wouldn't go at all." She paused, then put a
hand on his arm. "Benton, will you call me? Will you let me know what's
happening, if it takes very long?" 

 He cleared his throat, but did not move. "Yes, ma'am. Of course." He was
afraid to look up, but he had wanted to tell her about part of his
conversation with Ray. He cleared his throat again and took a sip of the
coffee before he felt ready to speak. "Ray is uncomfortable because he
feels as if he is being watched. He has mentioned a few times that he
doesn't like the way everyone treats him. He says it isn't normal." He
hesitated, turning his coffee cup slowly on the table. "I told him I would
try to help him get things back to normal, whatever that is. Do you think
it would be possible for Francesca and Maria and the others to . . . ah .
. . " He was uncertain how to ask, without offending her. 

 She laughed a little and that broke the tension. "Back off?" 

 He nodded. "I'm sorry." 

 "There is no need to apologize, Benton. You're right. I've noticed how
uncomfortable Raimundo has been. We all noticed it Saturday during dinner.
I'll talk to Francesca and Maria and I'll try to back off a little myself,
at least so he doesn't notice it so much." She stood and poured more
coffee. Then returned to the table and resumed the conversation. "Benton .
. . " She paused and looked at him closely. Why wouldn't he look at her?
"I think Raimundo may be asking you to do something that might become . .
. difficult. He can't continue pretending nothing is wrong." She put her
hand on his arm again and sat watching him. He took another sip of coffee,
but still did not look at her. 

 "Yes, ma'am. I know." 

 Fraser woke Ray a few minutes after eight. He sat in the bedroom while
Ray took his shower and wondered whether he should let Ray know that he
had noticed Ray was ill. He didn't want to start another argument and Ray
had agreed to see the doctor this morning. Maybe he should just try to
ignore it until later. Ray walked back into the room to change and saw
Fraser staring at him. 

 "What, Benny?" His voice sounded scratchy. 

 Fraser hesitated. There wasn't a way around it, apparently. He stood and
took a few steps toward Ray, then stopped. "I . . . ah . . . you don't
feel well today, do you?" 

 Ray frowned. "I have a cold, Fraser. That's all. I guess you noticed my
voice? It's just a cold, please don't make a big deal out of it." 

 He moved closer to Ray, until he was standing a few inches from him. "Yes
and I also noticed you have a fever. But, I wasn't trying to make a big
deal of it. I'm sorry if it seemed that way." He put his hands on Ray's
arms and was encouraged when Ray didn't pull away. 

 "Well, you're getting what you want, Benny. I'm going along with this.
Can't we just let it go for the moment?" He was beginning to sound angry,
Fraser thought. Or maybe it was resentment. 

 "Yes, Ray." He pulled Ray in for a hug and he didn't resist that either.
His head dropped to Fraser's shoulder and Fraser could feel the heat
through his shirt.
**************************************************************************
******** Fraser had been warned by both Ray and his mother to expect Ray's
doctor, who had known Ray since he was twelve, to be a little unusual. Ray
had been more direct about it, his exact words had been, "he still thinks
I'm twelve. I hate him." He had only shrugged when Fraser asked why he
didn't find someone else, perhaps someone he didn't hate. Nothing they had
told him prepared Fraser for what he experienced when they arrived,
however. "Unusual" was an understatement. He was surprised there had not
been the typical wait. Ray had gone in immediately and, after waiting
approximately thirty minutes, Fraser was asked to join him. He discovered
quickly that his relationship with Ray had been announced by both Ray and
Mrs. Vecchio. Mrs. Vecchio had called on Monday, as it turned out, without
informing either Ray or Fraser. Now, he had arrived in the office, sitting
across from the doctor's desk, in time for the argument. He had rarely
seen Ray look as angry, or try as hard to control it, as he obviously was
when Fraser sat down next to him. 

 "Raymond, I know you haven't been honest with anyone else, let's see how
honest you've been with Mr. Fraser." 

 "I told you I haven't lied to anyone. You know I could sue you for
talking to my mother." Ray was really thinking about killing him, rather
than taking up time and money suing him. As bad as he felt, he thought he
could still take him. He was at least twenty-five years older than Ray
and, besides, Ray was armed. 

 "Yes, Raymond, why don't you sue me. I've known you since you were a
child. Don't you think it's time to stop behaving like one?" Fraser
clearly saw the anger on Ray's face now, even more than when he entered
the room. The discussion continued. "Why have you been hiding this
Raymond?" 

 "I haven't been hiding anything." 

 "Really? Then, you won't mind if I ask Mr. Fraser?" Fraser looked at Ray.
He was entirely confused both over what exactly they were talking about
and why Ray was so angry. Apparently, something had happened soon after
Ray's arrival that had set him off. 

 "Not if you don't mind talking to my lawyer." 

 Ray's last statement was apparently ignored. "Since you seem to have
developed some new problems since Friday, and you have become unable to
cover some others any longer, I assume you will stop putting up a fight?
Don't you think it is time we found out exactly what is wrong with you? As
I told you, what I've seen from Friday only raises more questions and
seeing you this morning has added to those considerably. You cannot put
this off any longer." 

 Fraser watched Ray's response, his face was turning red and he was
squeezing the chair arms until his knuckles were white. When Ray spoke, he
wasn't quite shouting, "I told you what I will do. I'll give it the rest
of today and that's all. Anything I left out?" 

 "It's set up. You'll need to be there by eleven and I will see you here
Friday morning at nine, if I don't call you before that. Then I will
decide if that will end it. But don't plan on it. I will probably have to
send to to someone else on Friday. I've already told you that, Raymond." 

 Ray stood up. "I've already told you, I'm not doing this again. Last
Friday was enough and you still don't know exactly what's wrong with me.
You're wasting my time. I have a job and I'm tired of this shit." This was
only making his throat hurt worse. 

 "Sit down, Raymond. I'm not finished with you yet." 

 "Yeah, fu . . ." 

 "Raymond! Shut up. Sit down." Ray sat on the edge of the chair and
resumed squeezing the arms. Fraser stared at them both for a few seconds
before he realized his mouth was open. The doctor spoke again before Ray
had a chance to respond. "I think it's time we discussed this with your
partner. You were the one who asked to have him here." 

 Ray didn't move. His voice had become almost a whisper, but the anger was
contained for the moment. "Do I have a choice?" 

 "No." 

 Fraser continued staring at Ray, but he finally spoke for the first time
since entering the office. "Ray? What is going on?" They stayed for
another twenty minutes, until he had the answers to some of his questions.


 "Benny? Do you hate me?" Ray had been sitting in the passenger seat with
his eyes closed, neither of them had spoken since getting into the car.
His throat hurt, he felt terrible, and he was dreading spending the rest
of the day at the hospital. He would have been willing enough to go along
with the x-rays, if that would put an end to this, but the rest made him
uncomfortable. Now he was afraid Benny was angry. Maybe he really had
pushed things too far. He was beginning to regret letting himself get
talked into this. 

 "Of course not, Ray. Why would you ask something like that?" Fraser spoke
quietly. He'd had no idea how to talk to Ray all morning and now things
were far more complicated than they had been. He had hoped to have his
fears alleviated, although he had doubted it would happen, but now he felt
worse than he had during the weekend. 

 Ray still sat with his eyes closed. "Because I didn't answer your
questions when you asked. I hid things from you. I thought it would get
better, Benny. I really did." Ray sighed. "And I lied to you before you
left. I told you everything would be the same when you got back and it's
not. I'm sorry. I don't blame you for being angry. But, I hope you don't
want to leave." 

 Fraser cleared his throat and looked at Ray. His eyes were still closed.
That was just as well, Fraser thought. "I have no intention of leaving,
Ray. I told you that last night and nothing has changed. Not unless you
tell me to go and I couldn't go willingly even if you did." He hesitated.
He had been angry with Ray at first, when he began to hear more of the
story, but now he was just frightened and that was overwhelming him. "I'm
not angry with you, Ray. I wish you hadn't been so secretive, but I'm not
angry." 

 "I'm sorry, Benny." He had not opened his eyes, or moved. 

 Fraser reached over and took his hand. "Don't worry about it now, it's
over." 

 Ray sighed and opened his eyes, but he did not look at Fraser. 

 "Ray?" 

 "Yeah, Benny?" 

 "I would like for you to promise me you won't do this again. You can't
keep secrets like this. Please, Ray." 

 "I'll try, Benny." 

 He realized that was probably the best he would get for now and he wasn't
willing to press Ray at the moment. "Okay, Ray."
**************************************************************************
************ Fraser spent most of the day in various halls, waiting. He
had called Mrs. Vecchio a few times. Neither of them seemed to feel any
better after talking, but he had promised to let her know what was
happening. Finally, late in the afternoon, Ray came out and found him. He
had several pieces of paper in his hand and he looked exhausted, much
worse than he had that morning. Fraser stood and walked toward him. 

 "Benny, let's go home. I'm tired. I'm finished, Fraser, I promise. I'm
not escaping, they told me I could leave." 

 He smiled slightly. "I believe you, Ray. If you would like to wait near
the door, I'll get the car." 

 "Thanks, Benny. I'm sore in a few spots and I don't feel well." 

 Fraser moved closer and put his arm around him. "I know, Ray. I'm sorry."


 Ray hadn't slept well Tuesday night, again, and Fraser hadn't slept.
Finally, a little before eight, he shifted onto his side and watched Ray.
After a few minutes, Ray opened and rubbed his eyes. He smiled a little at
the corners of his mouth. 

 "What are you doing, Benny?" 

 Fraser reached up and ran a finger lightly down Ray's cheek. "Watching
you. Go back to sleep, Ray." 

 "I can't, Benny. I think I slept too much yesterday after we got back." 

 Fraser continued stroking his cheek, then leaned forward and kissed the
side of his face. He moved over Ray, supporting himself on his hands and
knees and kissed him on the lips. 

 "Don't do that, Benny. You'll catch my cold." 

 "Respiratory infection," Fraser corrected. "And I'd rather kiss you and
take my chances." He smiled and kissed him on the nose, before moving to
Ray's neck, still holding himself up with his hands. 

 Ray shifted a little. "Benny, this is great, but I don't think I can . .
. I'm too uncomfortable . . . I'm sorry." 

 Fraser moved to his ear. "I know you're uncomfortable. You don't need to
be sorry, I wasn't planning to do anything, Ray. I was going to kiss you,
that's all. But, if you don't like it, I'll move. I don't want to make you
feel worse." Fraser looked at him closely. He was very pale, as he had
been for days, and since yesterday, he looked far more tired than he had
before. 

 "I like it, Benny. Don't go." He smiled, but then added, "But, what if I
don't feel like it again soon, Benny? I mean, well, you know." 

 Fraser kissed him lightly on the lips. "Then, we will wait until you do.
There's no hurry, Ray. Don't worry about that." 

 He stayed there a little longer, then dropped back on his side facing
Ray. He stroked Ray's arm and remained silent for several seconds. 

 "Benny?" 

 "Hmm?" 

 "I don't know what to do. I don't want to do this, Benny. I want it to go
away. I know that sounds stupid and childish. At first, I could pretend
everything was fine and that worked okay, but I can't do that anymore."
Ray turned and looked at him. Fraser pulled him in until Ray's head leaned
against his chest. 

 "It doesn't sound stupid, or childish. I want it to go away too, but that
isn't going to happen. This isn't going to go away by itself, Ray, it's
just getting worse. And you can't keep pretending everything is fine when
it obviously isn't." Fraser sighed. "I love you." 

 "I love you too, Benny." 

 Ray sat on the bed watching television, with Dief curled around his feet,
as he had done most of the day. Fraser sat next to him. He was beginning
to think Benny was right, maybe he should have been honest from the start.
But, he wasn't certain when everything had started. It was definitely
before the day Benny found him in the park, at least he thought it was,
and sometime after he bought the new Riv. But, he couldn't remember being
anything other than depressed and worried then. At the time, he was
unhappy and he hadn't been able to eat, so he had lost weight and he got
sick that day in the park, but it hadn't ever completely gone away after
that. He had thought it would go away, but now everything seemed out of
control and he was beginning to believe his family and that sadistic old
bastard were right, he really was ill. At least Franny and Maria were a
little more sane today. He thought someone must have talked to them. He
wondered if it had been Benny, or his mother. It must have gone from Benny
to his mother and from his mother to Franny and Maria. He didn't care how
it had happened, as long as they stopped harassing him. Now he had to get
to Friday and he didn't think he could do it if things continued the way
they had been over the weekend. He was wondering what was wrong with
Fraser now too. Benny had been quiet since yesterday, but he said he
wasn't angry. Ray couldn't understand that. If Benny had spent the last
few weeks trying to hide an illness and he had caught him, as Benny had
definitely caught Ray yesterday, Ray would have been pissed. And he would
have yelled. He knew Fraser was angry yesterday when he asked what was
going on, he had heard it in his voice. But, that had gone away quickly,
unless he was doing a good job of hiding it. The more he thought about it,
the more several of Benny's actions lately seemed strange. But, he had
expected all hell to break loose after yesterday's visit to the doctor,
and it hadn't. He wondered if it ever would, and what would happen if it
did. Ray absently rubbed his hands together, he had been so lost in
thought that he hadn't noticed Fraser watching him. 

 Fraser took one of Ray's hands and that startled him out of his
introspection. "Ray, do your hands hurt?" 

 Ray looked at him. He had that worried look again and Ray didn't
understand what the problem was this time. "No, Benny, I don't think so.
What made you think that?" 

 "You've been rubbing them for a few minutes and you seem distracted." 

 Ray sighed. "Yeah, I was just thinking. My throat hurts and I'm still
sore and tired, but that's all. I didn't realize I was doing anything with
my hands, maybe it's a habit." He paused and then added, "they do tingle,
sort of, but they don't hurt. I think I've been sitting still too long." 

 Fraser didn't respond to that. "What were you thinking about, Ray? Unless
you would rather not tell me." He continued holding the hand he had
captured. 

 Ray smiled, but it faded rapidly. "I was wondering why you aren't mad at
me, Benny. I would have been angry with you, if you had done that. And I
could tell you were pissed at first." 

 "Ray, we talked about this yesterday in the car. I am not angry with
you." 

 "I know, Benny. But, why not?" 

 He looked at Ray for a few moments, trying to decide how to answer the
question. Then he put his arm around him and reached across with the other
hand and reclaimed the one he had been holding. "I was angry at first,
Ray. But, I don't think any purpose would be served in staying angry. I
knew you weren't telling me everything, we discussed that the night we
argued. I had no idea how much you had been keeping to yourself until
yesterday and that did come as a shock. Being angry with you seems trivial
at the moment, it isn't a concern now." He was reluctant to say what came
next, but it was inevitable. "Ray, I want to be clear about something. I
will not allow you to do this again. I apologize if that sounds demanding,
but it is true. I will interfere if I suspect something is wrong. You
cannot hide things now and, if you try, I will do whatever is necessary to
stop you." He kissed Ray on the cheek and was frightened for a moment that
Ray would react with anger. He was surprised when he didn't. 

 Ray smiled slightly. "Understood, Benny." 

 Ray had gone downstairs for dinner and found almost the usual level of
Vecchio noise, to his relief. No one asked him how he was feeling, or
reminded him to eat, although he did catch his mother watching him. But,
something was definitely wrong with Franny. She was the only person at the
table who had remained silent and that was not normal. After dinner, they
stayed downstairs to watch television with the rest of the family. Ray had
always enjoyed television and thought it was odd that Benny had never
seemed interested in having one, but he had experienced so much of it
himself in the past few days he was becoming tired of it. He sat next to
Fraser and, somewhat uncharacteristically, Fraser kept his arm around him
while they watched. After an hour, his head dropped to Fraser's shoulder. 

 "Ray?" Fraser spoke so quietly no one else could have heard him, but Ray
noticed his mother and Franny watching him again. "Are you tired? Do you
need to go upstairs?" 

 "Yeah, Benny." It must be the sore throat, Ray thought. As they stood to
leave, he noticed Franny continuing to watch him. At least she had stopped
following him. 

 After they were inside the bedroom, with the door closed, Ray sat on the
bed and stared at Fraser. He was too tired to move and he hadn't done
anything. Fraser looked at him and walked to the bed. He stood in front of
him and began unbuttoning Ray's shirt. 

 "Are you all right?" 

 "I guess. I'm just tired. I'm too tired to do anything." Ray looked at
him. 

 "I know, Ray." He continued working on the shirt. 

 "Benny, I'm sorry. It's not supposed to be like this, I'm really sorry,
Fraser." 

 Fraser stopped and looked at him. Ray was obviously upset. "I don't
understand, Ray. Why are you sorry?" 

 "It's not supposed to be like this, Benny. Why do you put up with it?" 

 Fraser put his hand against Ray's cheek. "I don't understand." 

 Ray shifted a little, looking at Fraser. When he spoke, he sounded angry.
"You shouldn't have to put up with this shit, Benny. This can't be any fun
for you. All you do is babysit me." 

 Fraser sat next to Ray and put an arm around him. "I'm not babysitting
you, Ray." He kissed Ray on the cheek. "And this does not involve me
putting up with anything, that is not an issue." 

 "Yes it does, Fraser. I haven't been to work in almost a week and neither
have you. We don't do any of the stuff we usually do and apparently we've
moved in with my family. Now, I'm too tired to do anything at all. All I
want to do is sit and I'm getting sick of television." 

 Fraser continued sitting with this arm around Ray. This type of
expression was difficult for him, but Ray never seemed to have a problem
with it. He did not know what to tell Ray to reassure him. "I know you're
tired, Ray, and I know you feel bad. But, you can't go to work now. You
know that. And I will not go until we know for certain what is wrong and
what to expect. This is where I want to be and you have no reason to feel
as if I am putting up with something. Okay?" 

 Ray sighed. "Okay. I'm sorry, Benny, I don't know why I'm doing this.
You're probably tired of my whining." 

 Fraser smiled and reached up to stroke his cheek. "That's all right, Ray.
I wouldn't want you to stop whining. You haven't done nearly enough of it
lately. I've missed it." 

 Ray looked at him for a moment, startled. Then he realized Benny was
teasing and laughed. 

 "Are you ready for bed now, Ray?" He began unbuttoning the shirt again. 

 "Yes." 

 On Thursday afternoon, they sat stretched out on the bed again, but
without the television on, and Fraser had banished Dief to the floor.
Fraser had noticed this seemed to be the place Ray was most comfortable
and, since Monday, most other activities had almost seemed too overwhelm
him. 

 "Benny?" 

 "Yes, Ray?" 

 "I thought he might call early, but I don't think that's going to happen.
I've been a little worried about it. But, now I don't know what to think.
I guess there's no chance I could argue you out of tomorrow morning?" 

 Fraser smiled slightly. "You know better than that, Ray. I assume you are
joking." He paused. "I've been thinking about it too." 

 Ray leaned back into the pillows behind them and Fraser leaned against
him lightly. "Earlier, I was reading the stuff I brought back with me on
Tuesday. Did you read it, Benny?" Ray felt certain he had, but Fraser
hadn't mentioned it. 

 He hesitated again. He had hoped to avoid this conversation for a while.
His voice was barely above a whisper when he spoke. "Yes, Ray, I did." 

 "Benny . . . " 

 Fraser struggled for control before he answered. "Ray, we aren't there
yet. We don't know what's going on right now. It's just for the purpose of
providing information." 

 "But, Benny, what if he's right? Benny, please . . . " 

 Fraser moved closer and put his arm around Ray. They turned to face each
other and Ray could see the fear and reluctance in his face. "We'll deal
with whatever we have to, Ray." 

 No matter how many times Fraser had thought about it in the past few
days, he found it difficult to comprehend that early last week he was
enjoying learning to live with Ray, it seemed remarkably remote now. He
hadn't even minded tripping over Ray's shoes, except when Ray noticed, and
he had been fascinated watching Ray set up the television and install the
locks. He would never have bought a television, but watching it with Ray
that night had been worth it. He felt guilty now. He should not have left
for the conference. Everything since last Friday had seemed entirely
surreal. Since Maria had called him in Ottawa, nothing had felt the same.
It was like living in a bad dream, with no way to end it, and it was
getting worse. He couldn't imagine how Ray must feel. 

 Outwardly, Ray was becoming increasingly agitated. Fraser couldn't
determine whether he was angry, frightened, or something else entirely,
something he could not identify. "I don't want to deal with it. I don't
know how. And nothing I read makes me optimistic, Fraser." 

 Fraser wanted to scream. The tight, suffocating feeling he had become
familiar with lately was threatening to make his chest explode. He wanted
to run out of the room, to prevent Ray from seeing his response. He pulled
away from Ray quickly and sat up straight, almost gasping for air. He
could not control it any longer. He cried. Not the nearly stifled tears he
had not been able to keep entirely hidden from Ray a few days ago, or the
quiet crying he had done when he talked to Mrs. Vecchio Monday evening, he
felt himself sobbing uncontrollably this time. It felt almost as if he
were experiencing it from a distance, separated from himself. He couldn't
do this now. He could not let Ray see this. But, it was too late and he
could not stop. 

 Ray sat up, startled. He was more frightened now than he had been a few
minutes ago. Benny didn't do this. Benny did not cry, not like this. Not
ever. He put his hand on Fraser's shoulder. "I'm sorry, Benny. I didn't
mean to upset you. Don't . . . it's okay. Benny, nothing's going to
happen. I'm just overreacting because I'm tired and frustrated. I
shouldn't have said that. You know I say things before I think sometimes.
C'mon, Benny, you know I tend to overreact when I'm frustrated. Everything
will be all right." He moved closer to Fraser and put both arms around
him. "It's all right, Benny. I'm sorry." 

 He didn't know what to do and that seemed to be standard lately. He sat
with his arms around Fraser while he cried. He hadn't wanted to hurt
Benny, but he felt as if he hurt Benny frequently. He couldn't stop with
shooting him, that wasn't enough. He had never seen Benny do this and he
was the cause. His frustration and guilt were growing rapidly. 

 Fraser sat up on the bed, still sobbing so hard he could feel it
throughout his body. He felt Ray's arms around him and he heard what Ray
had said. Ray was blaming himself. He was apologizing. This was not
supposed to happen. This was his fault, not Ray's. He had been selfish,
letting Ray do things for him, or manipulating Ray when he was reluctant.
Last week he had left Ray alone. He should have been here. He took a
breath and tried to stop the tears. He wiped his face with his arms. 

 Ray pulled away slightly. "I'll be right back, Benny." He got off the bed
and Fraser watched him walk to the dresser and return with a box of
tissues, which he opened and handed to him. Then he sat back on the bed
and put his arms around him again. "It's okay, Benny. I'm sorry. I
wouldn't have said anything if I had known it would upset you. I've never
seen you really cry before. I wouldn't hurt you intentionally, Benny." He
could have kept all that to himself, he thought, and not upset Benny with
it. There was no reason to force Benny to discuss his fears right now.
Anyway, he was being ridiculous. Everyone around him had been blowing this
entirely out of proportion and now he had joined them. 

 Fraser finished wiping the tears and blew his nose. He sat still on the
bed for a few seconds, hugging his knees against his chest. Ray stroked
his back, then leaned in and kissed his cheek. Fraser relaxed slightly and
turned to look at Ray. He let go of his legs and pulled Ray into a hug. He
cleared his throat, twice, before he could speak. "Ray, please don't
apologize for anything else. You did not say anything wrong. Of course you
are frightened. We'll work it out. I just want to be with you." 

 Ray pulled back enough to look at him. He ran a finger across Fraser's
cheek. His eyes were bright red. "I'm glad, Benny. I want you to be here."
He hesitated to say anything else. And he wasn't certain what he wanted to
say, or how Fraser would react. But, he wanted to let him know there was
more. "Benny, I . . . I don't want to be away from you . . . I . . . " He
stopped, he didn't want to take a chance on upsetting Fraser again. 

 Fraser stretched out on the bed and pulled Ray with him. He leaned over
Ray, holding himself up on one elbow, and kissed him on the lips and then
the forehead. He looked at Ray's green eyes for several seconds before he
spoke. "I am not going anywhere. I want to be with you, whatever that
means, as long as you want me to be here. I love you. We will find a way
to deal with what is wrong with you. All right?" 

 "All right, Benny." Ray smiled a little. 

 Fraser paused, then decided to finish what he wanted to say. He had
intended to be clear, but his voice came out almost as a whisper. "Ray,
you will always be with me. Always. There is nothing that can change that.
Do you understand?" 

 Ray couldn't speak. He nodded. Fraser leaned back into the pillows,
pulled Ray against him, and held him.
**************************************************************************
***** Ray went downstairs a little after eight the next morning and found
his mother in the kitchen. "Ma, Franny is going to be late for work. Maybe
you should send Maria, or one of the children, up to yell at her." Ray had
seen her walk quickly into her room and close the door and he had thought
about doing it himself, but he felt uncomfortable around Franny now.
Something was definitely wrong with the way she reacted to him lately,
even when she wasn't obviously worrying about him. 

 His mother smiled and kissed him on the cheek. She turned toward the
table before she answered. "She has the day off, Raimundo." 

 "Why does she have . . . ?" Before he could finish Fraser walked in and
put his arm around him. 

 "Are you ready, Ray?" 

 Ray shrugged. "I guess, Benny." 

 Mrs. Vecchio excused herself, ostensibly to check on one of Maria's
children. Fraser brushed Ray's cheek with his hand. Ray had never seen
that particular look on Benny's face before and he couldn't identify it.
"Ray, I would trade places with you if I could." 

 Ray was startled by what Fraser had said, but he smiled. "Yeah, Benny? I
wouldn't let you, but thanks for saying it." 

 They kissed, Fraser leaving his hand against Ray's cheek until he pulled
back enough to look at him. "That assumes I would give you the option,
Ray. I wouldn't." 

 Ray laughed a little, but it didn't reach his eyes. "We'd better go
before I start arguing with the logic of that statement. You're starting
to influence me, Benny. Or maybe I'm influencing you. I'm not sure which."
Ray took Fraser's hand and moved toward the door, then stopped and looked
at him again. "I still wouldn't let you do it."