Loose Ends Part 2	Loose Ends Part 2 by Alison

 Author's disclaimer: They belong to Alliance

  Let's get one thing clear. I have never stopped loving Ray. Just because
we've grown apart doesn't mean the love died. We have too much history for
that. I've seen him grow from the scrawny boy with the bottle bottom
glasses and a heart too big for his body, into the sexy man with an
attitude. The heart has stayed the same though. 

And I will be damned if I'm going to let that Mountie have him. I will
decide who he can see and when. He's been my property for a long time. 

So the Mountie's in Toronto for a month and tonight I'm going to dinner
with Ray. We'll soon see if the old magic is there. 

 *******************  

 When I walk into the restaurant he's already waiting for me. I knew he
would be. He stands as I approach and shifts about nervously. I smile, to
try and put him a little more at ease. Damn, he looks good! He's wearing
the blue suit which brings out the blue of his eyes above all the other
colours swimming around in there. I think it was his eyes which first
attracted me to him. 

 But it's not just the way he looks – he has an indefinable aura of –
something. If he was a rock star or a movie star, it would be called sex
appeal, but since he's just plain old Ray Kowalski there isn't a word for
it. 

 “Hi Stella,” he says hesitantly. 

 I lean forward and kiss his cheek.He pretends to study the menu, but I
know he's watching me, so I sit up a little bit straighter in my seat. 

 We chat about nothing – current cases, old cases, old memories, until the
meal arrives. I decide to go for the all out assault. 

 “So how long has it been going on with you and Fraser?” 

 He shrugs, looking at his plate. “A while.” 

 “Do you love him?” I can't believe how cool I sound about this. 

 Ray surprises me, looking directly at me. “Oh yes,” he says. “He's a good
man, Stel. You'd like him…” 

 “That I really doubt Ray,” I snap before I can stop myself. 

 He shrugs again and looks back down at his plate. Damn! This isn't going
according to plan at all. 

 “I'm sorry Ray,” I say as softly as I can. “I want you to be happy, of
course I do, but I miss you. What we had. Don't you?” 

 He looks up again, confused. 

 “'Course I miss you Stella. You were my whole life for more than 20
years, but you're the one who ended it, remember?” He shrugs. That is
beginning to annoy me. “I'm just moving on like you told me.” 

 I'm not sure what to say to that – it's the truth after all, so I change
the subject. 

 “Come and dance.” I hold out my hand which he takes readily, and we walk
to the small dance floor. 

 We move together so easily, anticipating each other's steps. It's always
felt right when I dance with him, and I move closer to him so that we're
hardly moving – just swaying in time to the music. I remember the feel of
his hands on me, and how he made me feel, and I find that I do want that
again. 

 I put my hand in his hair, surprised again by how soft it is, and it
makes him raise his eyes and smile at me. 

 I lift my face to his, expecting a kiss. What I get is a chaste, closed
mouth peck. 

 “You told me yourself Stella, that we can't go back. I will love you
forever, but it's Fraser that I'm with, and that's how I want it to be.” 

 I stop dancing and look at him. This isn't the way Ray behaves with me.
He's spent all the time since our divorce grovelling around me trying to
get back with me, and suddenly he's Mr Independent. 

 “No!” I say it too loudly, and the people around us look and tut. It
doesn't stop me. 

 “No. That's not how it works, Ray. You're not telling me that you're
going to live in fag paradise for the rest of your life - .” I stop,
horrified at what I've just said. 

 “Ray, I'm sorry!” 

 He looks absolutely disgusted. He's let go of me and is just standing,
looking at me. 

 Deep down inside I feel a sharp pain. Now I know how he felt when I broke
his heart. 

 He shakes his head and walks back to the table, and suddenly I realise
what that indefinable something is. It's love, pure and simple. It's
radiating off him. 

 I go and sit down and we look at each other in silence. I can't think of
anything to say which won't make the situation worse, and he's gone away
into himself in that way he has. 

 “I'm so sorry,” I say into the silence. 

 He gives me that look of his – the one where you can see him thinking
what a waste of time all this is – then he nods. 

 “S'okay Stella,” he says, and I hardly recognise his voice. “At least I
know what you think of me now. Do you want dessert?” 

 I blink. He never does that to me – he never goes off on a different
tangent with me. It's a defence mechanism he uses on people he doesn't –
trust. 

 “No I don't - ,” This evening hasn't gone to plan at all – he's further
away now than he has been for a long time. 

 “So what do you think?” he asks directly. “Come on Stella, we must have
known each other long enough to at least be honest.” 

 He's right. “Okay,” I say. Then I don't know where to start. 

 “When I saw you with – him, looking so good, so relaxed, I remembered
what we had, and I suppose I wanted it back. Even after we divorced, you
were still mine! I don't want you to go.” I stop myself with a hand over
my mouth. 

 His eyes have softened a bit. He shakes his head. 

 “I would have done anything – anything at all – for you Stella, for
years. All you had to do was give me a signal and I would have been at
your feet.” He smiles softly, and my broken heart aches. “But you shut me
out. And now I have Fraser and I love him. I'm sorry if it disgusts you,
but that won't make me give him up -.” 

 He reaches across the table and very gently touches my hand. 

 “It'd be nice if you'd stay a part of my – our – lives, but things can't
be the same.” He stops and sits back. He's said his piece and that's it.
It's up to me now. 

 I don't speak, and after a minute he stands up and kisses my cheek. 

 “Okay, Stel. You take care. You know where I am if you need me.” 

 I watch him as he walks across the dancefloor and out of the restaurant. 

 

 THE END