I ALMOST TOLD YOU	 Disclaimer: This piece has been written solely
for the entertainment of the readers (and the author). No infringement of
copyrights is intended.  This was inspired by "...and I'll Believe",
written by James Kythe Walkswithwind. Many thanks to James for her
permission to have her story used as a take-off point for this piece of
fiction, as well as her words of encouragement. If you haven't read "...
and I'll Believe" yet, maybe you'd like to do so first. This piece somehow
serves as a sequel.   I ALMOST TOLD YOU by Renny Ramos	  So this is how
it all ends. I listen to the rhythm in your step and the gentle click of
the door as it closes behind me. Deep inside, I know that these will be
the last sounds I'll ever hear before my betrayal carries you out of my
life forever. My eyes turn to the mug you held just a moment ago. Placed
squarely in the center of that cold, hollow sink, it stands as the perfect
metaphor for the life I'll have from now on. A life without you - forever.
And I would be just as cold and hollow, a vessel of bitter lies.  I might
as well be dead.  How could you love and trust me? Don't you see me for
what I truly am? I'm neither brave nor good. Had I been both, I would not
have hurt you. You were my best friend, the brother I never had. You were
the balm that soothed the pain of my exile. You were my sanctuary.  I
would have told you ... I almost told you. I really wanted to stay. 
Because I knew that being with you would lead to my freedom. For once, my
life would be my own: not my father's, not the government's, not anyone
else's. And I would be truly brave. I would not tempt death out of duty; I
would not tempt death to escape the life I've led. For once, I would have
no need for the walls I have built around my heart. I wouldn't have to
fear anyone or anything, because your love would be my shield.	That
moment when you clung to me and called out my name as if you were drowning
... I could have told you then that my need for you was just as
overwhelming. And when you told me you loved me ... I would have given up
my soul for the courage to say I loved you, too. Because I'm not like you.
You have always been such a brave soul, never finding the need to hide
what you felt from the world.  I wanted to stay and taste heaven with you.
I wanted to put an end to those countless nights of wondering what it
would be like to touch you and kiss you, to feel the burn of love with
you. To spend the rest of my days with you, until death comes to claim us
both. But I can't. I won't. I'm not ready to pay the price.  "Everything
in its own place." What you - I - feel ... it has no place in this world.
Perhaps there might still be a chance that God would understand us, and
there would be no need for excuses or forgiveness. But this world will
neither understand nor tolerate. It will only seek to destroy us both. And
we are only human. In the end, it will just tear us apart. Better to end
it now. Before it gets any harder for me to let you go. Before the world's
punishment bears down on your love and turns it into hate. Before it kills
us both. Maybe the two of us have just been alone for too long. You're
still here ... I can feel your presence.  Leave quickly ... while I still
have my strength. Dear God, help me ...   The End   E-mail the author:
Blue_Grey_Eyes@hotmail.com