For All Time Warning this is a relatively tame m/m story. Hope you enjoy it. Hi! Well its me "again". Forcing some more of my handiwork onto this List. I believe it was James who wanted a hurt/comfort story a while back and we were given a piece called THUNDER AND WHISPERS (very nice!). Well here's a hurt/comfort that I have to say Be careful what you wish for: Red alert! Red alert! Major sap and wallow! Warning this one has tame m/m and m/f. FOR ALL TIME He really missed that mountie. They hadn't been apart this long before. He must have really pissed off Welsh to have gotten this month long assignment. What rotten timing this police officer exchange program had been. When he originally got notice of the assignment, he was really upset that it would mean missing Ben's birthday. So he was ecstatic when he found out just a couple of days ago, that they pushed up the last day of his trip. It coincided nicely with his lover's birthday today. He'd just make it afterall. He hadn't told Ben yet, because he wanted to surprise him. As soon as it was humanly possible for him to leave, he grabbed the next available flight out of Nowhere, USA. It was late in the evening when the taxi dropped him off at his friend's apartment complex. Taking his 2 bags out of the trunk, he headed towards the building. He felt something tugging at his jacket as he entered the front door of the complex. Startled and puzzled at first, he looked down to see that it was just Diefenbaker. He smiled at the wolf, "Yeah, hello to you too Dief. Hey, lay off the coat will ya. I've ruined enough clothes because of your master; don't you start with me too." Dief was acting kind of peculiar. "So whatch'ya doing down here Dief?", Ray said, as he looked around for any sign of his friend nearby. The wolf decided to keep him company on the way up to Fraser's apartment. During the ride in the elevator, Ray noticed the wolf looking sadly up at him. "Don't let this get to your head, but I actually missed you too.", he reached down to pat the furry head. As he neared his friend's door, Dief was acting even more weird. He kept running underfoot, as if he were trying to block him from going to Fraser's apartment. The wolf was whining a bit now and it looked almost as if he were afraid to go any further. Ray placed the suitcases down at the side of his friend's door. He was starting to get a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. He checked his gun in its holster and readied it for quick access should he need it. He stood away from the center of the door and rapped on it. It was taking a little while to open. He was ready to kick it in at any second. When it finally opened, he breathed a sigh of relief to see his friend and lover standing there. A slightly dishevelled Fraser had the door open, but not all the way, with his arm blocking entry. Ray was thrilled to see his friend. It was so good to see that beautiful face again. A beaming Ray reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a small wrapped box. He handed it to Ben, "I got a reprieve and sent home early for good behavior. Happy Birthday Benny!" He wanted so badly to kiss his friend, but not in the hallway, where someone like Mr. Mustafi would see them. "Hello Ray", Ben said coldly, as if they hadn't been separated for almost a month. That's when he realized Ben wasn't letting him in either. That sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach was coming back. From what little he could see into the apartment, he noticed there was someone moving around inside. "Benny?" Fraser spoke in a quick hushed tone, "Its not a good time now. I'll talk to you tomorrow." Ray had been dumped enough times in his life that he started to see the signs. As soon as he saw a better glimpse of the guest in Fraser's apartment, he never felt so hurt and angry in his life. He didn't give Fraser a chance to say anything more, "Don't bother Benny. To hell with you. Have a nice life.". He quickly picked up his luggage and stormed off. He could hear Dief bark angrily at Fraser, and the wolf bounded to his side in seconds. Ray smiled wickedly to himself before turning around again, "That goes for your wolf too." And he retreated into the elevator slamming it shut. Fraser still looked out from the door, even after his 2 best friends were long gone. His ex-friends, he sadly reminded himself. He was in a state of shock. Why didn't he call or go after them? Why did he feel like he'd been paralyzed from head to foot and struck mute? The devastated look on Ray's face haunted him as he closed his eyes briefly and leaned his head against his arm at the door. Arms reached around his waist and pulled him away from the door. "Ben? Ben! Are you still with me Ben? Don't let them upset you. You're with me now." She turned him to face her for a kiss. But the fire was missing. "I can't believe you stayed friends with that man, after what he did to us. He almost killed you Ben and because of him we were kept apart far too long. Good riddance to him." She tried to take the gift Ray gave him from his hand, but he clutched to it as if his life depended on it, so she let it be. He sighed deeply, "Ill be alright." This time he initiated the kiss, as she led him to the bed nearby. The gift was placed on the sidetable and forgotten. Ray flagged a taxi. At his house, he stopped on the porch,not wanting to go inside just yet. Going to the darkest corner, he sat in a chair he knew was there. He hadn't planned on seeing his family until the next day. This definitely was not the way he pictured this night. He had envisioned a surprised Fraser glad to have him back in his arms. He didn't expect to be dumped by him and sent away... forever... out of his life. When had that bitch Victoria come back? He should have seen this coming; that she would eventually come back to reclaim her trained 'pet' . How could he still love that woman? Talking quietly to the wolf, "I guess I was just a rebound fling." Man, this was beginning to hurt worse than Irene or Angie. At least with them, he knew that they still held some love for him. Just circumstances didn't work out in their favor. With Fraser, he thought he'd found his soulmate. Guess it wasn't reciprocated. He felt like such a fool, to think Victoria was out of his system. He should have known better than to allow himself to get so deeply involved with this one. He leaned over and hugged Dief, "Thanks Dief. I know you understand. You're welcome to stay with me." The door to the porch opened and his mother was there, with something strange silhouetted in her hands. She called out, "I have a shotgun and I know how to use it. Come out from there!" Ray couldn't help but laugh, "Ma, you wouldn't shoot your favorite son would you?" It was so good to see her again. He hadn't realized how much he missed her until then. He got as close to her as the mop in her hand would allow. She put it down and pulled him into the warmest hug and gave him an affectionate kiss on the cheek. He really needed this. "Raymondo, I missed you so much. Why didn't you tell me you were coming home early? If you had I could have had Tony pick you up at the airport and I would have made your favorite. Ah. You're too thin. What were they feeding you in that place? Come inside.." She stopped mid-sentence noticing something was amiss. The way she had of reading him so well scared him sometimes. "What's wrong? Mi cuore, talk to me." She led him back to the porch chairs. "Its nothing ma.", he lied. "Its 'not' nothing. Tell me."; she never took 'nothing' as an answer. His eyes shifted down sadly as he quietly said, "I just lost a friend." At those words she noticed that Ray had Dief with him. "Oh God no. Not Benton. I'm so sorry tesoro. I know how special he was to you." She was sincerely saddened as she placed an arm around his shoulders and pulled him close. She really liked the mountie and was glad her Raymondo had had such a friend. "I'm sure he's in heaven now. He was such a good man." Ray realized then that his mother must have misunderstood. His being home early and her seeing Dief, she probably assumed the worst and that he got custody of the wolf. "No ma, he's not dead. It just feels that way to me." He had a hard time with this next part. Trying to ignore the bile taste the words produced, "Victoria's got her claws in him again. And I just couldn't take it. I told him off. And told him I didn't ever want to see him again. Dief felt the same way and here we are." "Oh, my poor Raymondo. I had prayed that devil wouldn't show her face around here again. I understand now. Ah, but he needs a friend like you more than ever now Raymondo. But I fear for him and for you, if you get in that woman's way. But you follow what is in your heart; its steered you right before." "Thanks ma.", he gave her cheek a peck. "Come inside now and say hello to the rest of the family. We've all missed you. Its been so quiet around here without you.", she laughed at that. "Do you believe me?" "Ma, it couldn't be quiet in this house if our lives depended on it." He joined her laugh and went inside to be among those who loved him. It was early morning. Victoria had left him a short time ago. Ben hadn't really been able to sleep. He kept replaying the scene with Ray earlier. What had he done? When he came home from a non-eventful day at the consulate this afternoon, he thought he was just going to spend a quiet evening at home reading. So it had been his birthday. He never really celebrated it before, so why bother now? Ray had been so upset a month earlier when he wasn't going to be here for it. Ray could be so fiery and maddening at times, but he had the most wonderful spirit, generous heart and thoughtful nature. He had to admit to himself, that Ray was also a very good lover. Being with Victoria tonight he was reminded of this. It just wasn't the same any more between them. So why did he feel as if Victoria still had his heart? What was he trying to hide from himself? Turning his head to look out the window, the wrapped gift caught his eye. He tried to ignore it. But it just wouldn't go away. He reached over to switch on the light and took the small package in his hand. His hand was trembling a little as he opened it. Inside the box was a beautiful practical watch. It had some really unique handy features to it. He smiled when he found that it had a compass as well. It reminded him of the time when he and Ray were stranded in the wilderness and they had lost their compass. A stab of guilt hit him at the remembrance. Ray had been so good to him then. Had been too good to him so many times. Some things about that time they were stranded was a blur, but he did know that Ray had carried him most of the way through the wilderness. They survived that ordeal, because they were a team. Another twinge of guilt hit him. Not any more. He'd ruined that. It hurt to think that Ray would no longer be a part of his life. Why did he cast him away as fast as he did? Probably a hint of his worrying about the controversial lifestyle he'd found himself in. Perhaps figured that if he was still attracted to Victoria, then he must not really be homosexual. He turned the watch around in his hands and that's when he noticed the inscription: "B, For all Time, R" A lump formed in his throat and he swallowed hard, "Oh Ray, you're such a romantic. I guess I was a big disappointment, hunh? I didn't even give you the time of day today." He felt terrible. He knew what he wanted now and it wasn't with Victoria. He smiled to himself and placed the watch on his wrist. He would force Ray to talk to him tomorrow... or the next day or the day after that. He wouldn't give up. He hoped he hadn't damaged Ray, so much that it was something that they couldn't work through. He reminded himself of all the tough times they'd gone through together before. Especially the first time Victoria disrupted their lives. These times had only seemed to strengthen their relationship. So much so, that it led to their eventually discovering that there was more to their friendship than they originally thought. There was a deep attraction and love for one another as well. He decided he'd win Ray back or die trying. With that decision, he felt as if a key had been turned and he was set free. He switched off the light. He'd worry about what to do about Victoria in the morning. Right now he just wanted his last thoughts, as he dropped off to sleep, to be of his true lover . It was 7:30 AM, Ray walked out from his home ready to start the day. He was going to check in at the precinct to let them know that he was back and get filled in on all the office gossip. He was actually excited about going there. That was a rarity, he laughed to himself. As he walked down the steps he was passed by Dief, who seemed to be sticking to him like glue since last night. He wouldn't let Ray out of his sight. Dief stopped suddenly and scared him with the ferocity of the deep nasty growl that was coming out of him, as he bolted like lightening. He started to look behind him, hand just barely on his holster, to see where Dief had gone. But it was too late. The shot rang out and he fell. A burning sensation in his back. In a weird fog, he could hear his mother cry out his name and then she was holding him in her lap. Rocking him. Begging him to hold on. He whispered to her "Don't worry ma. I'll be back in time for dinner." It was a promise he'd made to her a number of times. It was their secret code to promise her that he'd be careful at work, because he knew she worried about his profession and it was his biggest responsibility to come home. He felt like he was still falling and it was getting hard to focus. He started to feel numb all over. And then began to shiver. Everything was gradually going black. The paramedics got there within minutes. A police car pulled up shortly thereafter; followed by an ambulance chasing tv news crew. The medical team smoothly parted the chaos of people gathered in front of the house. They approached Mrs Vecchio, who was still protectively and possessively holding on to her son. One of the team gently removed him from her desperate grip. His color was wrong. He was barely breathing. He looked like he was on the edge. They prepped him and placed him in the ambulance. Frantically they worked on him as they sped to the hospital, but it was as if he didn't want to make the effort to live any more. Then he slipped out of their capable hands and was gone. He had gotten to the consulate at 7 AM and slightly thereafter began having an overwhelming strange feeling that he desperately needed to see Ray. It was distracting him and couldn't wait. It was unusual for him to ask for a partial vacation day and he was surprised that it was granted to him so easily on such short notice. He decided to stop at his apartment and change before going to visit his friend. As he left his apartment, Mr. Mustafi stopped him in the hall, "I'm sorry about your friend." Fraser replied cheerfully and apologetically, "Hello Mr. Mustafi. I'm terribly sorry if we disturbed you last night." His neighbor looked at him with sympathetic eyes, when it dawned on him that Fraser hadn't heard, "Oh, you don't know, do you?" "Know what Mr. Mustafi?" "It was on the news this morning. I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this Benton, but your friend Ray was shot and killed in front of his home this morning." At the words, Fraser felt sick to his stomach and his legs felt like they were being kicked out from underneath him. Had he heard him right? No, he wasn't talking about his Ray. It had to be someone else. Mr. Mustafi grabbed on to Fraser's arm when he started to sway. And led him back into his apartment to sit down. He brought Fraser a glass of water, "Can I help you Benton?". "Um, what?", he was in a mental fog. He had to regain his composure and go to his friend. Where was Ray? The news had to have gotten it wrong. They were known to make mistakes on occassion. This had to be one of those occassions. "Can I borrow your phone Mr. Mustafi?" "Of course." He started to regain his legs again and he denied his grief for the moment, while he took care of what needed to be done. He was a mountie. He was supposed to handle anything. He had to get through this. He called Ray's number at the precinct. The call was forwarded to Lt Welsh. "27th precinct, Lt Welsh speaking." "Good afternoon leftennant. This is Constable Fraser. I'm looking for Ray. I've been told that he's been shot." He dreaded what he was about to hear next. There was an audible sigh on the other end and Welsh finally spoke. "I'm sorry son. But Ray was shot in the back on his way over this morning. He died enroute to Cook County. I'm sorry. I know you and he were close. I'll miss him. If it wouldn't be any trouble, would you mind coming down to the station. We have a few questions for you." Fraser was still silent on the other end. Welsh continued "Do you need a ride over? Are you at home? Or the consulate?" Trying to keep his voice from wavering, but not completely succeeding, "I'm at home. Would it be alright if I stopped by to see his family first?" "Sure. I'll be over to get you in 15 minutes, if that's alright?" "That's fine. Thank-you. Good-bye". Welsh was true to his word. He came by to pick him up at the appointed time. He was brought over to the Vecchio house. As Welsh's car pulled up to it, Fraser could see a couple of people milling about and there was yellow barrier around the site where Ray had gone down. It was barely away from the bottom of the steps. He turned his eyes away quickly from the nightmare scene he was viewing. He tried to be objective about this, by tricking himself into thinking that this was just a regular case for him. That he didn't know the murder victim, so he wouldn't be distracted by the emotions threatening to overwhelm him. As he got out of the car he slowly walked to the front of the home, which he'd been to so many times before. He'd visited the Vecchios a couple of times recently, while Ray was out of town. These people treated him as if he were a part of their family and he would forever be in their debt for that. He had to see Mrs Vecchio. From what Welsh told him on the ride over, she had been the first one on the scene. As he neared the spot where Ray had suffered, he could see the blood that stained the walkway. No longer able to fool himself, he rushed over to a bush out of view and threw up. Welsh was there next to him, with a comforting hand on his back. "I'll be alright". Who was he trying to convince Welsh or himself? He went back to the stairs, avoiding the spot as they went to the door. Tony was the one who greeted them there. As they entered, he quickly shut the door behind them, to close out the tragic site. He led them into the living room, then excused himself for a few moments. There were a couple of others in the room. Most of them Fraser recognized as Ray's family and family friends, a couple of them he didn't. Francesca spotted him and looked absolutely devastated. She went over to him and without saying a word, hugged him briefly then walked out of the room in tears. Tony was back, this time with his wife Theressa, Ray's other sister, wrapped securely under his arm. Her eyes were red-rimmed from a recent bout of tears. She seemed to be struggling to maintain her control. She grabbed one of Ben's hands in her own and spoke "Hello Benton. I'm glad you're here. I know you want to find the son-of-a-bitch who killed our Ray as much as we do. We'll do whatever it takes to help you." He gently squeezed her hand, "Thank- you. Yes I do want to find the killer. Lt Welsh has got his best working on this already. I promise you, Ray's murderer will see justice. But first I need to see your mother. Is she at home?" Heartened by his words, "Ma's upstairs. She's a strong woman, but she's pretty shook up right now. She was with him right after it happened and was in the ambulance when he.. um... died." At the last word, a silent tear escaped her and she turned to her husband for comfort. Ben excused himself and drifted up the stairs to Mrs Vecchio's room. He knocked lightly. "Mrs Vecchio? Its me Benton.". He had to see her. She was the only one who could possibly have loved Ray as much as he did. And she was also the one who may have some pieces to this puzzle, that she may not even realize yet. He hated to bother her, but right now he really needed her. She called out for him to enter. When he did he saw she was seated in an armchair near her bed facing him as he entered. He was expecting her to be emotional, but this emotion aimed at him wasn't what he expected. At first she looked like a very angry mother, about to scold and discipline a wayward child, but then it alternated into a basic instinct. This other emotion, made him afraid to move any closer. He'd seen out in the wilds of the Territories, what could happen if you interfered with a mother and her children. He was going to have to tread lightly, because she had that way about her now as she spoke,"You heard what 'she' did to my child?" He didn't know how to respond other than a literal "Yes Mrs. Vecchio." It was then he registered what she just said, "Did you say 'she'?" Did he hear her right? She did say 'she'? "My Raymondo is dead, because of you're misplaced *love*". She paused and caught her breath as she continued,"He told me about last night. You broke his heart, when you threw him away for that... that.. monster", tears were forming in her eyes. "Are you sure it was Victoria?" Afraid that Fraser was coming to Victoria's defense, she spoke with conviction, "I know in my soul it was her. When my poor son shot you accidentally last year, he confided in me a few things. He told me he had 'that woman' in our house, to protect her as a favor to you. But what you don't know is he told her then, that if she hurt you he'd kill her. That was no idle threat and I'm sure she knew it. My son was shot in the back. I believe it was in retribution for his having tried to shoot her and having shot you in the back instead. He told me last night that he ended your friendship, because you'd taken Victoria back into your life. Benton don't you know what love is yet? Its definitely not Victoria." Every word she said to him cut into him deeper and deeper. Ray had died for his stupidity. It was his mistake in confusing "an inner ear imbalance" with what he thought was love. Oh God, Ray had died thinking that he didn't love him, but his worst rival. Fraser was getting dangerously close now to a point where his error was going to engulf him in pain and grief. He thought he learned his lesson the last time Victoria turned his - and Ray's - life upside down. Ray had stood by him throughout the entire ordeal. Had been devastated when he seriously injured him. Was with him every day as he recuperated. But Fraser hadn't truly learned his lesson then about what 'love' was. When the opportunity came to turn away from Victoria again, he didn't. He turned away from real love instead. Everything she said was true. He could only think to say, "You're right. I'm so sorry. Forgive me. I regret the day I ever met Victoria, but I will treasure always the day I met your son. She will pay." With that he turned on his heel and left. He felt snow blind and drifting. He lost track of days. The funeral was just a blur. How had he managed to deliver a eulogy? He recalled Ray telling him once, when they had been trapped in that flooding vault, that he had hoped Fraser would be the one to deliver his eulogy, if he were to ever die. Unfortunately he got his wish. When it came to the part where he said "And he never let me down.", the part he had said in the vault to Ray "Except once." was never said again. He hadn't told Welsh about Victoria. He had answered the police detectives working on this case's questions. But they didn't ask the right one's, so he didn't feel compelled to give them more than what they asked for. The last he'd heard they were trying to make a case against Zucco. He didn't care that he knew the truth. Zucco could take care of himself or rot for all he cared. He didn't talk about the Victoria connection, so that he'd have no interference as he used his tracking skills to find the woman, who had made his life not worth living any more. He didn't care what happened to himself now. He just had a one track mind. Find her. He was very close now, he could sense it. But first he was going to make the usual stop he made each day. He could find this spot with his eyes closed. It was where his home was now. "Hello Ray. I still haven't found her." He recounted to his friend the steps he'd undergone that day to find Victoria. He caressed the cold stone that should have been his lover and whispered his usual parting remark -"I love you Ray." - as he turned to leave on his mission once again. Before he turned, he had seen a movement out of the corner of his eye and the hair on the back of his neck began to bristle. She was here. It was a type of sacrilege that she should even be anywhere near Ray. He almost snarled, like Dief might have at a foe, as he faced her. She was looking at him, with a bit of surprise, but then with a self- satisfied smile. What she saw was a man who once was so impeccably neat, beautiful, and naive... now dishevelled, ill-groomed and with a hard wild look in his eyes. She had her revenge and it was sweet. He wanted to know "Why?" She obliged. When he had played games with her heart and then sent her to prison so many years ago, she wanted to make him suffer more than anyone else she'd ever known. He was so smug and arrogant, with his rigid self-righteous principles and morals. It was relatively easy to manipulate him. But then when she saw him again that second time, she almost thought he did mean something to her. He almost came with her, if it hadn't been for that annoying friend of his. Since that day at the train station, she had planned this. Maybe not exactly this way, but Ray was going to be dead in any of her scenarios. At first she wanted Fraser back for some strange reason she couldn't fully understand. She thought she had him under her spell again this time too. But found out he had lost his heart to someone else in her absence. She knew that night who it was. Ben had been a distracted lover and the spark was no longer there. She caught him at one point in their lovemaking almost calling out his other lover's name. It was then she decided to end this game once and for all. Killing that bastard Ray was the start to the finish. She had Fraser right where she wanted him now. How fitting it would take place in this cemetery of all places. She had the same gun she used to kill Ray in her hand pointed at him. She had a fake suicide note for him in the other hand and was ready to complete her task. However, she failed to plan on Dief. The wolf, who had been missing since the tragic day, had now returned. He was circling around her without her noticing. Soon after, he launched himself and latched onto her gun-hand with a ferocity that Fraser hadn't ever seen him use on any human before. "Good boy Dief." Picking up the gun that had now been cast aside, he felt as if he were on automatic pilot... a robot... as he aimed the gun at her heart and fired point blank a shot for each shot she had used on Dief and caused Ray to shoot into him and especially for the bullet that killed Ray. Afterwards he went back to Ray's headstone, sat down beside it and uttered "For all time". Turned the gun on himself and... He couldn't breathe. He was gasping for every breath. He was panicked . He was sweating. He was shouting now... "RAY!!!" He sat bolt upright. He didn't register at first the arms that were holding onto him in a fierce embrace from behind him; and the voice in his ear trying to calm him. He just saw and heard chaos and death and Victoria. Then the quiet soothing voice finally penetrated, 'Its ok Benny. I'm right here. Shhh." The words were repeated a few times. He started to relax a little. As he turned into his lover's embrace, he placed his head on Ray's bare chest and held on. Ray could feel the trembling slowing down after a little while. Ben had done a great job of waking him up by scaring the hell out of him. But he didn't care about that, just the fear that was consuming his friend. He'd never seen Ben this afraid of anything. "Do you want to talk about it?" One hand was gently caressing Ben's hair and then his back. The other was wrapped protectively around him. Ben started to feel a bit calmer. His Ray wasn't dead. He hadn't caused his death. Victoria wasn't there. But with a start, he realized she could return. He worried for Ray, if that day should come. But knew in his heart that he wouldn't ever take Victoria back, because she wasn't in his heart. Someone else was. He realized now what 'love' truly was. What he had had with Victoria was now in his mind permanently relegated as "an inner ear imbalance" as he once said. Recounting the nightmare to Ray, who was a compassionate and witty listener, was making him feel better. As he shifted in his lover's arms he noticed, by the soft light coming in from the windows, the outline of a watch on the sidetable. He reached over for it. Ray had given it to him for his birthday last night. He had surprised Ben, by coming home earlier than expected after spending a few weeks in a police officer exchange program. They had had a wonderful and pleasurable reunion. Definitely a memorable birthday celebration, he grinned to himself. He had really missed this Chicago cop. He rubbed the back of the watch as if it were in braille and whispered to Ray - "For all time" - and then kissed him. THE END