The Db'cle   The Db'cle	 

debacle: fr. db'cler to unbar, 1: a tumultuous breakup of ice in a river 

The lift in Ben's building wasn't working. There was nothing unusual about
that, and even when it was working Ray didn't trust it enough to actually
use it, but that didn't stop him griping about it all the way up the three
flights of stairs to Fraser's apartment. Once he got to the door of
apartment 3J he stopped, wondering suddenly what the hell he was doing
there. 

Hell... hellish... It was a good word for the way he was feeling. In fact,
it described perfectly the last two weeks... 

He hadn't seen Ben in two weeks. Not since the day he'd been dragged away
by his captors, a gun held to his head, and Ben had just stood there and
watched him go, still and silent, not giving a sign that he even cared. Of
course he'd known that Ben would already be planning some kind of rescue,
some crazy plan to save him. But it hurt, all the same, that Ben could be
so calm, because he knew that if their positions had been reversed, he
wouldn't have been able to control himself like that. 

It was a strange thing, that this should be the last straw. Ben had
rescued him, prompt and efficient, as he always was with everything he
did. And Ray had thanked him and walked away. And spent the last two weeks
avoiding him. He knew he should put it behind him. He'd always been able
to get over Ben's annoying habits, but this time it had hurt too much. 

So what the hell was he doing here? It was nearly midnight and Ben would
have been in bed for hours. If it hadn't been for that stupid dream, he'd
still be in his bed too. 

"Well? What are you waiting for?" 

He turned to see a vaguely familiar looking man standing behind him. He
hadn't heard anyone come down the dimly lit hallway. The man was in his
late fifties and wearing some strange outfit that belonged on the set of
Nanook of the North. He even had mukluks on. 

"What's it to you, buster?" Ray wasn't in the mood to take anything from
anybody. 

"You came here to help the boy, didn't you? Well, get on with it." The old
man was looking distinctly impatient. 

"Look, how do I know he needs help anyway? Besides, he's probably asleep."
This conversation was getting very strange, Ray thought. Who the hell was
this guy? Some lunatic probably. 

"Oh, I doubt that, son. And he does need help, I can tell you that now.
God knows I've tried, but it looks like you're the only one who can help
him." 

Ray turned to look at the door. He took a deep breath and opened it. 

The old man's voice drifted over his shoulder. "That doesn't mean that I
approve, mind you." 

"Approve of what? What are you talking about?" But when he looked over his
shoulder the old man was gone. Geez, he moved quietly. 

It wasn't until he'd stepped inside and closed the door that he realised
the old man looked like the one in his dream. For a moment he considered
getting out of there, fast. Especially when Dief materialised out of the
dimness to stand beside him, nearly scaring the life out of him. This was
getting to be like something out of the Twilight Zone and for a moment he
wondered if he was still dreaming. Then a stifled movement from the bed
caught his attention. 

He didn't know what to do, so he waited. As his eyes adjusted, he could
see the bed more clearly, and the figure in it, moving restlessly. The
covers were a tangled mess. Then he heard a soft desperate whisper, though
he couldn't make out the words. He went closer. 

Standing just a few feet away, he could see that Ben was wearing those
ridiculous red longjohns, could just about make out the features of his
pale face in the reflected street lights. Ben moved again, a sudden
violent gesture. 

"No!" It was a loud cry, but the sleeper didn't wake, he tossed and
turned, muttering under his breath, then... "Ray! No, please..." 

So Ben was having nightmares. So what? He'd had a few too. Ray was tempted
to leave, but remembering the weird chain of events that had brought him
here, he hesitated. There was a groan from the bed. 

"Please, don't hurt him... take me instead... please..." He moved again,
twisting under the covers. "Ray!" It was a hoarse scream, and finally Ben
woke. 

Hidden in the shadows, Ray watched as Ben half sat, his chest heaving,
then dropped back to the bed rolling onto his side, facing away from him.
After a moment his legs drew up and he wrapped his arms around his chest.
Ray could hear his breathing change as he tried, and failed, to stifle his
tears. 

This was worse than anything he'd had to endure, and Ray knew he couldn't
just leave him like this. He went to the bed, knelt beside it and touched
his friend lightly on the shoulder. 

"Benny." 

There was a faint gasp and then Ben turned to face him. Ray was shocked at
the changes he saw in Ben's face, even in the dim light. There were dark
shadows around his eyes, and hollows in his cheeks that hadn't been there
before. For a moment they stared at each other and then Ray reached for
his shoulder again, and Ben came into his arms as though he'd always
belonged there. 

Ben was trembling uncontrollably against him and he tightened his arms,
whispering reassurances and stroking the soft wool that covered the wide
shoulders. Soon, too soon, Ben pulled back. 

"Ray? It's really you?" 

"It sure is, Benny. Are you OK? You look awful." 

The shadowed eyes slid away from his. "I haven't been sleeping very well
lately." 

"I'm not surprised, that was some nightmare you were having. Have you been
having them often?" 

"I suppose so." Ben was being evasive. He was so bad at it, it was
pitiful. 

"How often? Every other night? Every night?" 

There was no answer. "Benny?" 

"Usually two or three times a night..." 

"Geez, Benny..." He was going to say 'you should have told me', but how
could Benny have told him? "I'm sorry, Benny." 

Ben looked at him dumbly, the misery showing clearly on his face. His eyes
asked the question he clearly wasn't going to speak aloud. 

Ray tried to explain. "It hurt, you know... you just stood there and
didn't say a thing... like it didn't really matter. Like you didn't
care... I've been acting like a real jerk, haven't I?" 

Ben blinked up at him. "I was so afraid, Ray. I thought if they knew how
much you mean to me, you'd be in even more danger. It could have meant
your death..." 

Ray could hear the tremor start again in Ben's voice. He reached out and
touched the pale cheek, his need to comfort Ben far outweighing any doubts
or fears about what might happen next. The barriers he'd so carefully
erected tumbled almost unnoticed. Once again Ben was in his arms, but this
time his face, instead of being pressed into Ray's shoulder, was turned
upwards. Ray bent his head and kissed the parted lips. 

Almost before he knew what was happening, his tongue was exploring the hot
silken interior of Ben's mouth and Ben's arms were around him, holding him
tightly. Nothing seemed more important than this, that he and Ben should
be here, together. What ever happened between them, and he wasn't sure
even now, how far this would go, all that mattered was that they needed
each other. No, more than that... they loved each other, he was certain of
that without a word needing to be said. 

He eased them both down onto the bed, drawing up Ben's blankets around
him, it was a freezing cold night. Ben turned in his arms so they were
lying face to face, still exchanging slow sweet kisses, and Ray began to
stroke his face and hair gently. He gradually became aware that Ben was
fighting to stay awake and pulled back carefully. 

"Benny... Go to sleep, I won't be going anywhere. OK?" 

There was a slight tremor and a quick nod of the dark head, and they
shifted, settling more comfortably against each other. Soon he could tell
from Ben's breathing that he was asleep. 

In spite of his own tiredness, he wasn't quite ready to sleep. It was
comforting to listen to the slow steady breathing of his... what? Friend?
Definitely. Lover? Possibly. Almost certainly, he thought, remembering the
feel of those warm lips on his own. He knew it was what he wanted. He'd
wanted it for a long time, never daring even to think it to himself, but
it had always been there in the back of his mind. He was pretty sure now
that Ben wanted it too, just not sure enough to start anything tonight.
But in the morning, if Ben still felt the same... in the morning... 

Half an hour later, Ben was awake again, his breathing rapid and shallow,
pressing against him urgently. 

"Easy, Benny... easy. I'm right here, love." 

"Oh, Ray..." Ben's voice trailed off and he lay, silent and needy, staring
into Ray's eyes. 

"What do you want, Benny?" 

Ben's only answer was to draw his head down. They began to kiss again,
only this time Ben was leading the way, taking them further than Ray had
intended. A tiny part of his brain remained detached enough to wonder at
how aroused he was becoming just from kissing this man. The rest of him
wanted to do more than kiss. 

He compromised by undoing a few of the buttons at the top of the longjohns
and sliding his hand inside, over warm skin that felt as fine as silk. His
fingertips brushed against a peaking nipple and Ben moaned helplessly
against his mouth. It felt so incredibly good... he gently rolled the tip
between his fingers, provoking more moans and a surge of the broad chest
against his hand. 

It took Ray's befuddled mind a moment to realise that the kiss had ended
and that Ben had drawn back from him. He lifted his head slightly to look
at Ben's face, there was no mistaking the arousal there, even in the near
dark. He waited to see what Ben would do. 

His head was gently drawn down again, not to meet Ben's lips, but lower,
to his chest. He pushed aside the woollen cloth and took the tight bud
into his mouth, sucking gently as Ben shuddered beneath him. Soon the
indistinct movements settled into a definite rhythm against his thigh and
he smiled. When the rhythm became more insistent he slid his hand under
the blankets, moving down Ben's side to his hip and then between their
bodies. 

The heat of Ben's erection burned through the thin cloth as he stroked
gently and then, suddenly impatient, he unfastened just enough buttons to
allow his hand entrance. Ben cried out, pushing against his touch and he
closed his fingers around the thick shaft, answering his friend's need
with quick firm strokes. 

A hand came out of nowhere and grasped his wrist. "Ray..." 

"'m I going too fast for you Benny?" He withdrew his hand carefully. 

"I want..." he was gasping for breath. "...want you..." A vague movement
of the pale hand towards his overcoat seemed to indicate something... 

Ray pulled off his overcoat and let it drop to the floor and was rewarded
by a faint smile. He leaned into the warmth of Ben's body and felt hands
slide up under his sweater, a delicious touch against his bare skin. Since
it seemed that was what Ben wanted, he returned his attention to the many
buttons of the longjohns. He'd made pretty good headway when he felt the
sweater being pulled up his body. 

He managed to wriggle out of it, without a lot of help from Ben, and began
to shiver in the chill air. Only one remedy for that, and it didn't hurt
that he wanted nothing more than to be in the blankets with Ben. He
shucked his shoes, socks and then his pants and underwear in one tangled
lump and dived under the covers. 

The heat of Ben's body against his was incredible. He slid his arms around
the solid bulk of his lover and pressed against him as close as his own
skin. But still not close enough. The longjohns were open from neck to
crotch, and the feel of smooth skin and the soft tickle of the wool in
such close proximity sent his own arousal rocketing almost out of control.
His body began moving against Ben's without any conscious prompting. Ben
was pushing against him just as urgently and they were both so needy it
was all over in a few moments. 

Silence reigned for several minutes after that. Ray was shaken by the
intensity of what he'd felt, and Ben seemed to be simply exhausted, lying
quietly beneath him. He lifted his head and searched the pale face. Ben
managed a faint smile for him, and he kissed the slightly parted lips. 

"Are you OK, Benny?" 

Another faint smile, a nod of the head, but the shadowed eyes were
lowered, hiding their expression. Ray caught hold of Ben's chin and lifted
it till their eyes met. 

"Are you sure about this, Benny? I thought you wanted it as much as I did.
I don't wanna take advantage of you. You gotta tell me." 

"Ray, why did you do this? I never thought you'd... want me. Not like
this. Was it just because you felt sorry for me?" 

Ray groaned softly and lowered his head against Ben's shoulder, breathing
in the scent of him, and of their lovemaking. "I did it... made love to
you, because I've wanted to do this for so long, I can hardly remember
what it was like not to want you. I've loved you forever, Benny. I just
never imagined I'd have a chance with you." 

"Ohhh..." It was hardly more than a sigh in his ear, but it conveyed a
world of meaning, of longing and relief and pleasure. 

Ray kissed the tender skin below Ben's ear, working his way round to his
throat and then up along the jawline to the corner of that beautiful
mouth. Ben's head turned towards him and they kissed, long and deep. He
stroked the dark hair and the pale cheek as they kissed, wanting his love
so badly... He knew he ought to let Ben sleep, but his own need to hold
him and love him was growing more intense with every moment. 

Ben's hands were stroking up and down his back pressing their bodies
closer together and Ray was rather uncomfortably aware of the stickiness
between their bodies. He pulled back a little. 

"Let me love you, Benny? The way I want to love you?" 

Ben stared up at him with complete trust. "Please..." 

He slid down Ben's body taking the blankets with him, until he was
straddling Ben's thighs, feeling the scratching of the woollen longjohns
against the inside of his thighs. The sight of Ben's body framed by the
longjohns in a deep pale V was quite spectacular. Ray could see a few
pearly droplets gleaming in the dark curls at his groin, and he bent and
licked them up, tasting his own familiar flavour here. Ben gasped his name
and moaned, a soft deep rumble in his chest. 

Ray smiled up at him and bent again to kiss the thick pale cock. His
tongue slid easily over the shaft collecting the various tastes... of
himself first and then what he realised was their mingled flavour. At the
tip he slid back the foreskin carefully and there it was all Ben. It was
almost unbearably arousing... he could feel himself hardening again
already. He swirled his tongue over the cockhead with exquisite care and
then sucked delicately. 

It was happening too fast again. He'd never felt such a runaway passion
for any lover. Never anything like this. Ray pulled away again, taking
deep breaths, not even aware of the cold anymore. He lowered his mouth to
Ben's skin again, licking away the semen spattered across the firm, flat
belly until not a drop remained. Ben moved then, sitting up and pulling
him upright to face him. 

"Allow me, Ray." Ben guided him up onto his knees and began to clean him
in the same way, lingering over the places where Ray's reactions indicated
his pleasure. Then he took Ray's cock into his mouth. All of it. 

Now it was Ray's turn to moan uncontrollably, his hips moving fluidly to
slide himself in and out of the lips that held him so firmly. Ben's hands
were caressing him lightly over his hips and butt, then one hand slid
between his thighs and cupped his balls so gently... He shuddered and
withdrew regretfully, not ready to finish yet. He dropped down onto Ben's
lap, feeling the brush of his cock against Ben's and closed his mouth over
the one that had held him just a moment ago. 

The longjohns, decorative as they were, had to go... Ray slid the cloth
off Ben's wide shoulders and peeled him down to his hips. It was wonderful
to feel all that bare skin against his own and under his hands, and Ben
was taking full advantage too... Ray could feel a deliciously light touch
moving over his back and then, incredibly, between the cheeks of his butt.
He moved slightly and Ben's cock slid up between his legs, pressing softly
against his balls. He moaned and began to rock against the twin touches on
his balls and anus, pushing his cock against Ben's trembling belly. The
tiny part of his brain that was still functioning wondered how the hell
Benny had learned to make love like this. 

It seemed like his whole body was one aching nerve ending, hungering for
release and nothing was going the way he'd planned. When Ben's lips grazed
against his nipple it was more than he could take. His body bucked, out of
control, and only Ben's arms kept him upright. 

He became aware that he was once again straddling Ben's lap, leaning into
his shoulder, his heart still thudding painfully. Ben's cock was pressed
hard up against him and he was covered with Ray's semen again. He half
laughed, half moaned at the thought and gently pushed Ben down onto the
bed again. 

This time he didn't, couldn't, take his eyes off Ben's face. Desire was
written all over it... arousal pushed almost to breaking point. Without
looking, he slid the longjohns off Ben's legs and tossed them aside,
reached for the pale cock. It jumped against his hand and Ben took in a
shaken breath and closed his eyes. 

Ray toyed with the hot velvety shaft while he licked the quivering belly
clean for the second time, then turned his attention to its pale
loveliness. He nibbled gently at the tip, teasing the sensitive foreskin,
feeling it slide with well lubricated ease against the glans beneath, and
caught just a faint taste of his lover. Slowly, he licked and nibbled his
way along the shaft to the base and then turned his head to nuzzle the
taut balls lifting so proudly from between the parted thighs. 

A hand touched the back of his head, guiding him back to the trembling
erection. It was full and heavy and ready to come, and Ben was moaning
almost pitifully. He plunged his mouth down over it, taking it as fully as
possible into him. The heated musky scent of Ben's arousal was gloriously
overwhelming and the feel of that thick cock sliding urgently against his
tongue was more than incredible. He slid his hand between the solid thighs
and began to finger the soft, pulsing anus. 

It opened to him so readily, so easily, as the cock leapt in his mouth
that he knew the touch was a recognised and welcome one... he slid a
finger gently inside, probing and finding the point of exquisite pleasure.
He didn't need to feel it himself, Ben's whole body told him when he'd
reached it. Ben cried out and began to tremble, long deep-seated tremors
that rapidly ripened into a shattering climax. 

Feeling almost too exhausted to move, Ray still managed to crawl up the
length of that beloved body to sprawl alongside his lover. Ben turned his
head and summoned up a smile with the last of his energy. They kissed,
slow and lingering, all the passion gone for now and Ray, becoming aware
of the cold at last, reached for the blankets and pulled them over the two
of them. It was the last thing he remembered doing for a long time. 

In the morning there was the disorientation of waking in an unfamiliar
bed, with an unfamiliar body lying against his, and the discomfort of an
aching back and head, none of which seemed to matter very much. He lay
still, waiting for Ben to wake, enjoying the feel of breath warm against
his cheek. Slowly the dark lashes fluttered and lifted, revealing slate
blue eyes. A hesitant smile appeared, but the eyes were wary. 

Ray laid the palm of his hand against Ben's cheek. "Morning, Benny." 

The smile became a shade more confident. "Morning, Ray." 

Ray leaned forward and kissed the beautiful lips, feeling them open
willingly to him. After a while he drew back. The pale cheeks were
slightly flushed now. He smiled again. 

"Got anything planned for today, Benny?" 

Ben's smile widened. "Why, yes Ray. I believe I do..."