Just Until	     Just Until 

 by Blue Champagne

  

 Author's website: http://www.mindspring.com/~bluecham/

 Disclaimer: I own nothing, making no money.

 Author's Notes: 

 Story Notes: 

 

  Just Until  

 "Are you all right, Ray?" Fraser closed the door behind him. "It being so
late..." 

 "You assumed something must be wrong, but nothing is," Ray said, smiling.
"Not a thing." There was something different in his grey eyes; they were
open too wide--not held that way, just...open. There was nothing in
between those eyes, what was behind those eyes, and the outside world. He
smiled a little, motioning Fraser in. He was holding a beer, Canadian, a
habit he'd picked up from Fraser, but didn't seem at all inebriated,
though he did smell beery; but then, Fraser found the smell of beer rather
a pervasive one. 

 "Nothing?" Fraser asked, coming in and sitting down on the couch where
Ray indicated. 

 "Yeah. But sometimes when the...when it gets bad," Ray said, shrugging
one shoulder, obviously expecting Fraser to know what he meant by that,
and Fraser supposed he did--the stress of Ray's work, which had caught up
with him on occasion, as it did everyone. "I go to the doc, you know." 

 "Uh, no, Ray, I hadn't known that." 

 "Well, I guess not for this. But I got...really tired, and...well, this
stuff, it'll make me sleep." 

 "Then should you be drinking that?" Fraser frowned, nodding at the
bottle. 

 Ray laughed softly and had a brief swig. "Sure, sure. Won't hurt a thing,
stuff'll work just fine, no problems." 

 "Do you ordinarily take sleeping medication?" 

 "No, I don't, that's why...I wanted you to stay with me, until I fall
asleep. I know it's kinda weird of me to ask, but I just...wanted someone
around. You know how those things can...can mess with your head
sometimes." 

 Fraser nodded slowly, watching as Ray moved around the apartment, looking
at things, picking them up, setting them down casually. He noticed the
light over the aquarium was off, and asked "Is your turtle all right?" 

 "Sure, he's fine, but I couldn't pay enough attention to him, so one of
the aides offered to take him, she's got a kid who wants a new turtle, has
all the stuff. She's pretty sure she'll end up doing all the caretaking,
but he's kind of low-maintenance. Just no time to get rid of this," he
explained, waving the bottle at the dark, silent aquarium. "Brought him by
work today; she took him home with her." 

 "You gave away your turtle? Ray, are you sure you're all right?" 

 Ray laughed briefly. "He'll be fine in his new place, not like he notices
who feeds him and cleans his tank. Yeah, I'll be great. Just a little
high, then I'll sleep. I just wanted...wanted you here, you know? Soon's I
fall asleep, you can take off. It's Friday, you can sleep in a little,
right?" 

 "Yes, if I feel the need. Is anything particular troubling your sleep? I
have noticed you've been...withdrawn, the last few..." days, weeks. Fraser
had his own preoccupations; he couldn't really have said when Ray started
to show changes in his behavior. "You've seemed like your mind's
elsewhere." 

 "When isn't it?" He laughed softly again, then said "Yeah, had some stuff
on my mind, but I think it's all worked out. I just need some rest now.
Even waited for a weekend, so it wouldn't be a problem for you.
You...you're the only one I'd ask for something like this, you know,
Frase." 

 "Yes," Fraser nodded again. "And I'm still surprised. By both your
decision to see a doctor about your sleeping difficulty, and...your
desiring to have someone here while..." 

 "While I wind down. You don't need to do anything, Frase, really. Just be
here. Wanna watch some TV?" Ray finally settled next to Fraser. 

 "No, I don't think so. Do you want to talk about this? Whatever level of
detail you'd like, of course." 

 Ray seemed to think a minute, then shook his head. "Nah. Nothin' left to
hash over, it's all worked through, all cleared up. Things are makin'
sense. I just...wanna be with you for a while, before I sleep, give me
nice dreams. Relaxing. Tell me a story." Ray got up and wandered toward
the bedroom, leaving his beer on the coffee table. "A bedtime story. Just
no creepy Lou Skagnetti shit." He laughed again. 

 "A bedtime story," Fraser repeated, following Ray slowly. He supposed
whatever sedative the doctor had prescribed was making Ray behave like
this, a loosening of his customary tight energy, a fuzziness around the
edges. Other than that, he seemed all right. Ray, only the tightly-strung
spring relaxed a little. 

 Ray was pulling off his clothes, leaving on a faded tank undershirt and
some grey boxer briefs. He climbed in bed and patted the spot next to him.
"Here, have a sit." 

 Hesitantly, Fraser sat, after removing his jacket and pushing up the
sleeves of his henley. "Would you like the light out?" he asked, smiling. 

 "Nah," Ray smiled back, "I wanna see you." As Fraser got situated, Ray
reached over and took his hand, folding their fingers together,
interlocking. He did it so casually that Fraser didn't even tense his arm
in startlement, but, blinking down at their fingers, long gold against
firm ivory, he did ask "Are you sure I shouldn't stay? After you're
asleep, that is. Just to make sure the dosage was correct and everything's
working properly." 

 Ray smiled, one of those beautiful, full-on smiles that Fraser couldn't
not smile back at. "No, no, dosage is perfect. Followed all the directions
just fine. You go on and take off when you're sure I'm out, right? You can
leave the light on. One thing...might seem kinda weird..." 

 Fraser shook his head. Whatever this sedative was, it seemed to be taking
effect quickly now, and Fraser was more than willing to be indulgent.
"Whatever you'd like." 

 "Kiss me goodnight, on the cheek. My mum used to do that. Could always
tell, even though I was asleep. Made everything okay, you know? And say
'Sleep well, see you tomorrow'." 

 Fraser cocked his head, said teasingly "You want a goodnight kiss? That's
sweet, Ray." 

 "Just shut up and say you'll do it." 

 "Of course I will, you know that. Now, what would you like to hear?" 

 "Something Fraser. You know, a Fraser story, long and rambling and when
you get to the point it doesn't have anything to do with the price of tea
in China." 

 Fraser gave Ray a sour look as the latter giggled. Fraser said "I was
under the impression you had little patience with those stories." 

 "But I got all the time in the world right now, Benton buddy." He
squeezed their hands, rocked them back and forth a bit, and covered the
back of Fraser's hand with his own free one, holding Fraser's in both. He
skitched a little closer and said "It doesn't matter what it's about.
Snow, trees, the stars. Tell me about the stars, the stories about how
they get turned into pictures with names. Asterisms. Tell me some asterism
stories." 

 Fraser remembered the occasion of his telling Ray that what most people
called constellations were actually asterisms, constellations being a
different, more methodical sectioning of the sky, used mostly by
astronomers; but he was surprised Ray had remembered. "Oh. Ahm...all
right. I'll tell you the story of...Queen Cassiopeia, and her daughter
Andromeda, and how Andromeda was saved by Perseus." 

 "Sounds good." Ray was blinking sleepily. "Love your voice, Fraser, when
you talk all soft like that. I really...really love your voice. More than
I can...can say..." he yawned a little. "Love..." 

 "Thank you kindly," Fraser answered gently, smiling at Ray's innate
gentleness, the poet inside, knowing it was the drug revealing it, that
Ray wouldn't even remember the comment. "I love your voice, too." 

 "Love?" Ray smiled again a little, squirming closer until he rested
against Fraser's leg. 

 "Yes, Ray; love." Fraser let his hand stroke the soft spiky hair gently.
"Well. The story begins with Poseidon, and a sea monster he sent against
Queen Cassiopeia's people..." 

 "Poseidon," Ray sighed, snuggling down, getting comfortable, with a
little smile, as his eyes blinked sleepily. "Like the movie." 

 "Yes, that ship was named after the sea god. The ancient Greek gods were
apparently easy to offend, and they tended to retaliate somewhat
arbitrarily. Poseidon sent the sea monster to consume a human virgin, in
an apparent fit of temper for..." 

 He went on, his voice growing softer, until finally he noticed that Ray's
breathing was even and steady, his eyes closed easily in the dim light of
the bedside lamp. "Ray?" 

 There was no response; Ray's fingers around Fraser's hand were lax. He
removed them from Ray's grip easily, and settled Ray's hand comfortably,
with a light pat. Remembering his promise, he leaned down to kiss Ray's
cheekbone softly, prompting a small sigh; he murmured "Sleep well, Ray.
I'll see you tomorrow." He remembered also to leave the soft gold light
on, and rose carefully, making his way out of the apartment as quietly as
possible. Glancing back, he smiled; Ray looked comfortable, content, at
rest. For once, the sedative seemed to be quite an excellent idea for what
ailed Ray. 

 And it was--safe and warm, and feeling close and loved, to someone he
loved so much, all his nightmarish life held at bay by the drug, Ray was
warm and easy. Then sometime around midnight, or maybe one o'clock, when
he was sleeping most deeply, he stopped breathing, and never started
again--and absolutely everything was perfect.  

 "Some kind of cocktail, you can get it, a cop would know how," Welsh was
saying softly into Ray's phone. He wasn't looking at what was going on
behind him. "Not like a homemade, no, nothing like that..." Ray had
arranged to have his landlady check on him in the morning to make sure he
was up, said he had something important at work to get to and didn't want
to miss it 'cause he'd slapped his alarm off. What she had found had been
a peaceful enough scene, but she'd dialed 911 anyway when there'd been no
rousing the cold-skinned detective. "Mostly morphine, but some other
stuff. Doesn't hit right away. Takes you to a happy place, and then you
fall asleep. And then you don't wake up. That's all...yeah. We got all
that at this end, it's covered. No. I got another angle for his jacket,
for the story. Nobody has to know, not officially. Yeah. No, I'll be okay.
I'll come by tonight. No, today. I'll take off at lunch. Love you too,
son. Love you, and Renee, and the kids. Give 'em all a hug for me, I mean
it. I'll see you." He emphasized the last three words a little too much,
and he knew it; but he also knew they needed it, after the story he'd just
told. 

 Suddenly there was a commotion at the door. "What on Earth--Lieutenant!
Lieutenant Welsh, what the hell is--" Ah, shit, already--with two uniforms
hanging off him. 

 "It's okay, Princeppi, Andrews. Let him go." But he stopped Fraser's
attempted to advance into the apartment, caught those shoulders in both is
own broad hands, caught up those huge slatey blue eyes with his own, and
held them firmly. "Come with me. We need to talk." 

 "No! What the hell has--" Fraser struggled. 

 Welsh caught him again. "I'll tell you. We're going where we need to be
right now, right now. Come on. You trust me, right? Known me how long?
Come on, we're going where you need to be, I know where you need to be,
come on..." he managed to guide the baffled and almost frantic Fraser out
the door again, back down the hall, back toward the stairs. 

 "Sometimes, Fraser...Benton...people are...better at hiding things than
we think. And sometimes it's people you'd never suspect." 

End Just Until by Blue Champagne: bluecham@mindspring.com

Author and story notes above.