No Sense is Nonsense      No Sense is Nonsense

 by LadyAna

  

 Author's website: http://ladyana5.tripod.com

 Disclaimer: Copyright to Alliance

 Author's Notes: thank the gods for TwoAxes email group!

 Story Notes: This is a series. The next installemnt is called "Blind
Insight"

 

 

 "No Sense is Nonsense" 

 It was still a while before bedtime. Ray was watching television, as he
usually did about this time of night. A commercial came on depicting
several busty, wanton females meant to entice the viewer to call the
number prominently displayed on the screen to engage them in
"conversation". Taking in their voluptuous form, he felt a familiar
stirring in his groin. 

 *Damn.* he thought. **Has it been so long, I'm starting to look at women
again?** 

 His line of sight drifted, taking in the prone figure in the bedroom. His
lover, Benton Fraser, was reading. Ray had forgotten the title of the
book, but whatever it was about had the Mountie deep in it's pages.
Vecchio furrowed his brow. It had been five weeks, at least. Five weeks
since they'd slept together. They'd been as a couple for over a year now,
but Ray was worried. They had been busy, with work and all, but the
Italian still disliked it when Benny sometimes chose to stay late at work,
rather than come home for a rare evening together. 

 Since they'd become lovers, Benny had been wonderfully supportive and
helpful. But in the sex department he was becomingly increasingly distant.
In the past, Vecchio had tried various techniques to get Fraser in the
mood, but little seemed to work. Their lovemaking, when it did happen, was
glorious. That did not, however, seem to make the Canadian likely to come
back for more. Ray had realized it had been he who had done most of the
initiating, while Benny just seemed to take it or leave it. 

 A slight tingle of guilt passed through the Italian. He shook it off. He
just hated it when Benny would do something that would completely and
totally irritate him and then have Benny apologize in his usual
matter-of-fact way. Ray believed it was something Ben would hold against
him, whether subconsciously or not. Since the Mountie would be upset with
the Detective, no matter how right or wrong Ray might have been, it would
definitely dampen any amorous tendencies Ben might have, which was rare as
it was. 

 Ben was content to turn into himself, cocooning his emotions and
problems, while Ray was loud about all he experienced. It upset the
Italian that Ben wouldn't turn to him for physical intimacy as a way of
relieving stress or just plain old hormones. He wanted Benny open up more
to him, emotional or otherwise, which he plainly didn't. He was a Mountie,
after all, and not subject to mere mortal weaknesses. 

 The Italian was alone at lot at night as well, seeing Fraser went to bed
very early and awoke in the morning before Ray did. Tonight, it would not
be long before the Canadian would announce it was after nine-thirty and
way past his bedtime. Sometimes Ray got the feeling he should be living
alone for all the difference it made Benny being in the next room. 

 He sighed. That wasn't entirely true, Ray confessed. Ben was used to
being alone and had been for most of his life. Ray reminded himself the
Mountie was just starting to get used to being in a long-term
relationship. The reserved attitude of his upbringing didn't help matters.
It instilled in the Canadian a deep-seated resistance to closeness, unless
you nearly died together in the cold, of course. One more glance at the
luscious body in the next room and Ray decided to swallow his sardonic
attitude, pride and sarcasm. This was, of course, seeing as how much he
wanted to swallow something else. 

 **Time to start a fire ** Ray mused. 

 He stood, shutting off the television and making his way to the bedroom.
He leaned against the door, watching his lover. 

 "Hey." he called. 

 "Hmm." was Ben's reply. 

 Ray came to sit on the edge of the bed. 

 "Good book?" 

 "Mmm, yes." 

 The Mountie's expression denoted total concentration on the paperback
before him. Ray believed he knew just how to change that. He lightly
rubbed his stomach through the fabric, then leaned over on top of him. He
slowly hoisted the shirt up to expose the pale pink nipples and gently
applied wet kisses between them. He could feel the rise and fall of the
heavy torso under his mouth and was quite pleased when the book shifted to
one hand, closing in the process. He smiled slightly, his lips brushing
the fine hair at the crevice of the jeans. He looked up and they locked
eyes. 

 Ray's heart fell to his feet. 

 Ben face did not lend itself much of an expression. It certainly didn't
portray any sort of disgust or irritation. It obviously wasn't one of
unbridled lust, either. It was simply neutral. The Mountie was not at all
involved in the experience. A cold shiver ran over the Italian when he
thought of how neutral could equate with indifference. 

 Benny didn't want this, he could see that, but he'd go along with it if
it was what Ray wanted. As usual. Suddenly, Ray wanted out of this and
fast. He slapped on his best poker face and gave another quick kiss to the
other man's stomach. 

 "So, how's the book turning out?" Ray quipped. 

 "It's very interesting, actually. I was just on the third chapter. I have
a feeling it will slow down soon, once the characters are developed." 

 "That's good, Benny. I'm gonna go shower." 

 With that, the thinner man rose and exited the room, his mind raging. He
was SICK of it. Sick and tired of chasing Benny, begging him and waiting
all the time. It was degrading to always be the one wanting it. Oddly, it
made him feel weak. To crave such a basic human instinct without
reciprocation left him as if he were the one addicted to some drug. 

 He wasn't able to hide his need for his lover very well, always giving in
when pressed about what was bothering him, eventually telling those
passionless blue eyes of how much he wanted him - only to get nothing in
return. Benny wouldn't even talk about it. He kept saying nothing was
wrong, that his sex drive just wasn't as high as Ray's. Vecchio wanted to
cry, he was so frustrated. He wanted to scream, he was so angry. But he
would not, would not grovel for that man. 

 He had done that enough already. 

 He went into the bathroom and sighed. Looking in the mirror, he saw he
could use a good shave and felt like a slob in his sport shirt and jeans.
He smiled a bit when he thought of how Benny had told him that was "pure
nonsense", saying that the Italian's appearance to him was always a
pleasing sight. 

 *Now, if he would just do something to prove it.* 

 Since they had started their relationship, Ray had wanted to do a lot of
experimenting in bed. Ben was the one to say he loved the Detective not
long after the entire Victoria fiasco. It took a while, but the Italian
began to realize he was in love with Benny as well. Ever since then, Ray
was giddy with all the new sexual possibilities. Fraser was patient and
understanding, indulging most of his requests with little protest, however
infrequent. 

 Guilty, he remembered just how much his Mountie did do for him. He went
out of his way often to please Ray and thought about him a lot. Even when
he did upset the Italian, he would try to make things right. Fraser did
consider the Detective to be his partner, best friend and soulmate. Benny
did did love him. Things that were important to Ray were important to
Fraser. Theirs was definitely a wonderful relationship. They connected on
so many levels except this one. Benny almost always treated him well. 

 Did Ray even have a right asking for sex like this? If the Constable
didn't want it that often, it wasn't his fault. But where was the mutual
passion? Ben hardly ever made a carnal solicitation and seemed content
with whatever Ray wanted. This lack of desire didn't exactly make Ray
swell with pride. The last thing he wanted to do was annoy Fraser like a
fly buzzing in his ear. 

 *I knew he wasn't aggressive, but this is ridiculous.* he thought. 

 The face in the mirror looked back at him. Something Elaine once said to
him now came rushing back, the words having a profound effect: It's hard
to feel anything but less than perfect around him, isn't it? Hell, that
Canadian would make any other man feel downright ugly. 

 The statement stung. Ugly. No, he didn't see himself as that...did he? 

 Doubt, however, was plaguing him. It was as if they were still only very
good friends. He sadly laughed seeing how scared he was of losing Ben's
friendship when they first got together. That form of companionship was
the only thing they still had an abundance of. What did Benny truly see in
him? Had he just settled for Ray, seeing Meg was his superior and Victoria
was a psycho-bitch? No, that wasn't it. Whatever the case, Ray did begin
to feel the things Benny did for him sexually were just to placate him. If
Ben never asked for anything, then how did Ray know what Ben enjoyed? 

 Sure, their libidinous escapades were exciting and fun when they did
happen, but what if Ben wanted something or someone else and was reluctant
to say so? He ran his hand over his head and squeezed his eyes shut. 

 Ray had beaten Thatcher as a rival. Did Ben still want her? It was
possible. He sarcastically considered maybe it was the fact she was so
unobtainable that made her an attractive pursuit. Was that why Ben liked
needlessly working late? The last time he came to pick Benny up, Meg was
smiling. One hellava' megawatt smile, at that. She seemed happy. Ray joked
he almost didn't recognize her. Then again, Benny was smiling, too. It
made him infuriatingly jealous, however unfounded it was. It was also a
fact Fraser ran like spooked caribou when a potential suitor was
aggressive. Frannie was proof of that. But if the Detective became any
more passive in his waiting, he would be declared dead - and this time for
real! His shoulders drooped. 

 **Meg is beautiful. Hell, I would want her, too, if she weren't so
fucking cold and confused. I couldn't blame him if he'd want her instead
of ** 

 He stopped, surprised at his self-pity. He shook his head. He would not
pine. Ray Vecchio did not pine. He brooded. It was mostly an angry pout,
he conceded. Still, the gaunt cheeks, non-existent hairline and huge nose
looked so very unappealing at the moment. END 

End No Sense is Nonsense by LadyAna: LadyAna5@aol.com

Author and story notes above.