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      	  A Mark of Love 
 by Aingeal  

 Disclaimer: The boys aren't mine but I treat them well!

 Author's Notes: I believe this was unbetaed (naughty me!)

 Story Notes: What does the scar on Fraser's back signify to Ray and
Fraser?

 

 In the quiet of apartment 3J two men lay in bed together. One was fast
asleep but the other had woken up at a sound outside. Ray had got out of
bed to see what it was but realising it was just a cat in the alley below
he made a move to climb back into bed with his lover, marvelling at how
Fraser hadn't woken up. It was then that Ray saw it. Fraser was lying in
his side with his back to Ray. The covers had revealed his back and the
mark that scarred it. For the first time since he and Fraser had become
lovers it's full impact hit Ray. He climbed into bed but couldn't stop the
tears from falling.

 While Fraser hadn't woken up at the noise of a cat he had woken up when
Ray got back into bed. He seemed to have an instinct when something was
wrong with Ray. He turned to face Ray and saw his lover crying. "Ray?"

 Ray wiped away his silent tears. Long ago he'd learned how not to make a
noise while he was crying. "It's nothing, Benny," he said, as much to
himself as to Fraser.

 Fraser knew this was just Ray's stubbornness. "No it isn't, Ray. What's
wrong?" 

 "Turn around," Ray whispered.

 Puzzled but wanting answers Fraser did so. A moment later he felt Ray's
fingertips tracing the scar on his back. It was as if they were trying to
rub the mark away. 

 "I'm sorry," Ray was whispering. "I'm sorry."

 Fraser turned around again and took Ray in his arms, comforting him as
much as he could. "It's alright Ray."

 Ray squirmed in the loving embrace but Fraser held him firm. "Dammit it's
not alright, Benny. It can't be alright. God I can't believe how much I
hurt you."

 Fraser knew this conversation had been inevitable. Once they were lovers
sooner or later it would some up, he'd known that. He was also prepared.
Calmly he replied, "You didn't hurt me, Ray."

 Ray was angry and didn't believe Fraser. He thought he was just trying to
be nice. It showed in the tone of his voice. "Yeah? Then explain why every
time I see it I see my guilt over the fact I shot you."

 Fraser held Ray closer. "Because I don't see it as a sign of your guilt,
Ray," he paused. "I see it as a sign of your love."

 "My love?!" What on earth was Fraser thinking? "That's sick, Benny. It's
dumb. I could have killed you."

 Fraser didn't see it that way. He might have been angry but that felt
like a lifetime ago now. "It isn't sick or perverted, Ray. That scar is
sign of love. It's a sign of your love for me." Fraser caressed his
lover's face. "The way you protect me, the way you risked you life, your
career, your home for me. I was running away without any thought as to the
consequences but you stopped me. I would prefer to die by your hand than
spend a tortured half life with Victoria. If you hadn't shot me, Ray I
would never had the opportunity if telling you the truth about how I feel
about you. I would never have even had the chance to discover how much I
was in love with you. You gave me a chance to be a better person, to be a
human being." Fraser kissed Ray gently. "You would never manipulate me,
Ray. She would have made me lose my soul. So please don't feel so guilty
about shooting me, Ray. I don't have any hatred toward you for what you
did. In fact I'm grateful."

 Ray appreciated the words but it didn't quite get rid of the guilt. "I
couldn't have lived with myself, you know, if you'd died."

 "I know." Fraser did know. He knew there was a place in his heart that
was somehow linked with Ray's.

 After Fraser had been shot Ray had toyed with his gun. He wondered if he
would have gone ahead with that idea. He confided in Fraser. "I think I
might have....."

 "Given yourself a scar?" Fraser knew what Ray meant.

 "Yeah." Ray snuggled closer. "It still hurts, Benny. It still hurts after
all this time."

 "Ray," Fraser said taking Ray's face in his hands. "Never doubt that you
did the right thing. You did."

 "It's hard for me to believe that," Ray paused. "I'm such a screw-up."

 Fraser knew Ray had his doubts and demons. He now made it his purpose in
life to help drive them away. "No you're not!" he said firmly. "You have
to stop listening to your father's voice. You are a far stronger man than
me, Ray. You have always been stronger than me. Please don't let the voice
of your father make you doubt that. I love you, Ray."

 "I know that. But it's just hard when I see....." Ray's hand went to
Fraser's back and the area where the scar was. He touched it again. It
hadn't gone away. It was still there, would always be there.

 Fraser took Ray's hand from his back and kissed it before placing it over
his heart, his own hand on top. "I've told you, Ray I'm pleased you gave
me that scar. It saved my life. Even if you had killed me you would have
saved my life. "

 "It's just so hard for me to believe." Ray buried his head in Fraser's
neck.

 Fraser brought Ray's head up to look in his eyes. "Do you trust me Ray?
Once you said you didn't, in the vault, but I need you to trust me, listen
to me."

 "God that was dumb!" Ray regretted saying that he didn't trust Fraser. He
hadn't meant it. He had just been so angry and he took it out on Fraser.
It was time to get rid of some of that guilt. "I do trust you, Benny. I
trust you more than I trust myself," he admitted. Fraser's voice, his
caring embrace, the truth in his words never faltered. "Then listen to me
Ray. You are not a screw-up, you shouldn't feel guilty. You are my lover
and my best friend. I love you, Ray Vecchio, who is smart, funny,
handsome, caring and loving and protective."

 "You really see me like that?"

 "Yes Ray I do," Fraser reassured him.

 Ray paused, thinking. "Maybe I can try to see me that way then."

 "Please do try, Ray."

 "I will." If Fraser believed in him that much, Ray was sure he could.

 Ray hated having to seek reassurances but Fraser never grumbled about
giving them. "What did I do to deserve you?"

 Fraser smiled slightly. Ray was a bit more relaxed now. "I think I
explained that Ray."

 "Yeah." Ray relaxed a bit more. "Benny, every time I see that scar..."

 "Yes?" Ray had broken off what he was going to say. Fraser tried to
encourage him.

 Ray had decided there might be one thing he could do to ease his guilt.
"Every time I see that scar I'm going to kiss you. I'm going to give you a
proper mark of my love."

 "Then could you do it now, Ray."

 Ray was a bit hesitant when he replied, "Sure."

 Ray leant over Fraser's neck and by the time he had finished Fraser had
nice red, hickey. It was very clear how much Ray loved Fraser. He'd marked
him with his love. Ray rested his head on Fraser's shoulder and gently
caressed the mark he had made, just as he had done with the one on
Fraser's back.

 "I prefer this one," he said in a quiet voice.

 "I know," Fraser replied. "Are you alright now, Ray?"

 For the first time since they had woken up Ray smiled. "Benny, I'm naked
in bed with you. I've got my dream."

 "And I have mine, Ray. I have mine."

 Fraser gently touched the mark on his neck, so like the one on his back.
Both were marks of love as far as he was concerned. Smiling he turned to
his lover and they kissed, showing love in a way that would leave no marks
but would always be remembered.

  
  

End A Mark of Love by Aingeal 

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