In Which Ray Kowalski Embarks on an Adventure     In Which Ray Kowalski
Embarks on an Adventure

 by Aral Griffen

  

 Author's Website: 

 Disclaimer: I own nothing here but the tingly sweaty bits. 

 Author's Notes: (Thanks feel inadequate.) To AuKestrel, Kat, and Rowan
for unstinting encouragement, patience in the extreme with my
high-on-slash email bombardments and need for repeated and detailed
reassurance, the correction of dumb mistakes, and extremely
helpful/useful/insightful comments and suggestions, both technical and
otherwise.

 Story Notes: Spoilers for Call of the Wild, Eclipse, and
blink-and-you'll-miss-em references to Mountie on the Bounty and Dr.
Longball. I think I should stop calling this story "utterly unoriginal."
Instead, I've decided to call it "classic." Yes, it's a "classic" F/K,
CotW, first-time, Ray POV, Ray angst, PWP. <g> Incidentally, and this is
indeed a shameless plea for kindness and understanding, this is not only
my first F/K story, but also my first slash story, first fanfic, and first
porn written for, um, public consumption. Oh, and dumb title, I know, but
I suck at titles, so what're you gonna do? Just be glad I didn't call it
"Story #1" or "Fraser and Ray Do It." Yes, please to feedback! And despite
aforementioned shameless plea, you can be critical, and I won't cry, I
promise. In fact, I'll probably even listen.

 

 

 We were all packed and ready to go. All set to leave first thing in the
morning, me and Fraser, Dief at the head of the team, just Buck Frobisher
and his Mountie troop to see us off. 

 I was sitting out on a log by the fire. Fraser and I were going to sleep
in our tent again-not enough room inside with the rest of the Mounties-but
he was in looking at maps and going over the checklists for the fiftieth
time. It was nice to have a little time to myself. Well, with Dief. I
looked down at the wolf next to me, and he raised his head and yawned,
then snuffled at me a couple of times and nosed my hand. Took me a while
to buy the whole deaf, lip-reading wolf shtick-hell, it took me a while to
buy a lot of Fraser's weird stuff-but I'd seen enough to convince me. Or
if not to convince me, at least to let me decide I didn't need to know and
I could just trust Fraser's version of reality to get the job done for us.


 Fraser. Fraser, Fraser, Fraser. I let out a long noisy breath and looked
around at the moonlight gleaming off the snow. Pretty. Yeah, it was pretty
much gorgeous up here, and I could see it now that I wasn't fearing for my
life. Or Fraser's. Shit. I looked around some more, squinting up to see
the stars. No glasses. Oh well. It was pretty anyway, and it smelled good,
cleanest air I ever smelled, even with the smoke from the fire blowing my
way. 

 I wished I could really relax. My stomach was in knots. //I've gotta tell
him, gotta tell him, gotta tell him....// It was like a...whatsit...a
mantra in my head, except aren't they supposed to make you feel peaceful
or something? 

 I sure as hell didn't feel peaceful. I was all jittery, my stomach
clenching and unclenching, my heart doing this little skip-dance thing
every time I remembered that I was really going to do this. Go on my
adventure. With Fraser. And two days ago I had decided, given myself an
actual deadline. The last of the extra Mounties and Canadian muckety-mucks
and American muckety-mucks and news guys were finally outta there.
Thatcher was long gone. Me and Fraser had been sitting out there by the
fire, just sort of processing and unwinding, telling each other little
bits and details from the day, updating each other on the plans for our
trip. Just kind of checking in with each other like we'd done every night
since we rode into camp on a makeshift toboggan. It had been good, just
good to be sitting there together. 

 We'd made a real plan for this quest thing, my adventure, pretty soon
after Fraser brought Muldoon in, and it made me feel pretty damn good that
it was Fraser who brought it up, asked me if I had really meant what I
said about finding Franklin's hand. Oh hell yeah, I meant it, or at least
it sounded really good at the time, when my choices looked like snowy
adventure with Fraser or lonely apartment in Chicago with no Fraser at
all. I just knew that I needed to be with Fraser. And, okay, all right, I
knew that I wanted to be with Fraser, too. Yeah, I'd known that for a
while, but I still hadn't figured out what the hell to do about it. 

 So we were sitting by the fire two nights ago, talking about this and
that, only this time the damnedest thing happened. Fraser started
talking--I mean, really talking--telling me about Muldoon, and his mom. He
even told me about seeing his dad all this time, and then his dad and mom
leaving together when he was down in the mine. That was a little freaky,
but you know, not really any freakier than Dief or half the other shit
we've been through. He talked and talked. And then he got quiet. And then
he looked up at me, and he put his hand on my arm, and he said, "Thank
you, Ray. Thank you for your friendship and your partnership. I don't
think I...that is, I'm not very good at expressing...what I mean to say
is, I'm immensely grateful for all that you've given me during our time
together in Chicago, and I'm truly looking forward to being able to share
this time with you here in my home as well." 

 Well, fuck me. I was just blown away. This was Fraser for Christ's sake.
The guy who could barely look Frannie in the eye outside Vecchio's room at
the hospital. I got kind of choked up, had to pretend the smoke was
bugging my eyes, but I think it was okay because Fraser's eyes looked kind
of shiny, too. I couldn't really say much besides, "Hey, we're partners"
and "C'mon, Frase, you're my best friend, you know?" and a bunch of other
crap that didn't really say anything at all about how I was really
feeling. I just was not ready for that conversation. But I promised myself
then and there that I'd tell him before we left on our adventure. 

 So that was two days ago. I figured I gotta tell him before we leave
because who knows what the hell's gonna happen out there in all that ice
and snow and fucking emptiness. And, besides, it's fair, right? Fair for
him to know about me, about my --//fuck//-- "feelings," before he's stuck
out there in the middle of nowhere with me for weeks and weeks. 

 My "feelings." Yeah. So what am I supposed to say? "Hey, Fraser, I feel
like putting my hands all over your body." "Hey, Fraser, I feel like
licking the roof of your mouth." "Hey, Fraser, I feel like fucking until
we pass out." "Hey, Fraser, I feel like being wherever you are for the
rest of my life." 

 Uh-huh. Yep, that'd be smooth. 

 "--Ray." 

 Fraser sounded pretty exasperated. Geez, that "proper preparation" stuff
with the checklists didn't take long. 

 "Huh?" I squinted up at him, and when our eyes met my heart rate doubled
and my stomach flip-flopped. He smiled, and I could feel my face get warm.


 He must have noticed my blush --//damn//-- and his eyes narrowed, brows
drawing together a little. //Crap.// He opened his mouth, probably to ask
me if I was all right, but it was not my moment, so I interrupted him
quick before he could say anything. 

 "So!" I said a little too loudly as I stood up from my seat on the log.
"We all ready?" 

 His expression smoothed out, and he smiled again. But I was ready for it
this time, and I relaxed. "Yes, Ray, that's what I was coming to tell you.
And that we should perhaps turn in soon. We want to get an early start
tomorrow. Early to bed, early to rise, you know." 

 He was looking off into the snow as he said that last bit, and his smile
got a little bigger. I could hear how excited he was at the idea of
getting up in the dark and heading out into the wilderness to spend weeks
and weeks with no one but me and the dogs and Dief for company. Freak. I
gave him an affectionate grin when he looked back at me again. "You're
pretty excited about this whole thing, huh?" 

 "Very much so. Yes." He was looking right at me-fuck, it felt like right
into me. And his smile was big and warm and real. 

 I could feel my face freeze, as I was hit with the memory of that day in
the crypt. How fucking good it was to hear Fraser say that he thought I
was attractive, even though I didn't even really know what the hell I was
doing that day. So messed up with Marcus Ellery, and Stella, and the new
undercover gig that I already knew I really, really didn't want to fuck
up. But there I was, about to fuck it up anyway because of all this shit
from my past that I couldn't get past, and I knew Fraser didn't get it,
knew I was disappointing him. Which bugged the hell out of me because how
come it mattered so much whether or not he got it--got me--except I think
even then I knew why it mattered so much. 

 So there was half my brain thinking, "Okay, take down Ellery, get even
for your fucked up failure of a marriage with Stella, right, it's all his
fault, and maybe if you can do this you can figure out a way to fix things
with her, too." And the other half of my brain was going, "Like me,
Fraser, come on, get this thing that I'm doing here, get me, give me a
sign that the life I have now matters so I can get past all this crap and
do my job and believe in something besides what a fucking con job failure
I am." So then it was, "Do you find me attractive?" And the answer was,
"Very much so. Yes." And he did get it, and it was all partners and
friends and.... And here I am trading in the GTO for a dogsled and
thinking pemmican's not so bad and just about sick with wanting Fraser. 

 Fraser. Shit! He didn't remember what he said that day, did he? Did he
remember that he used those same words to answer a totally different kind
of question? Jesus, did he say that on purpose? Holy fucking hell, that
would mean-- 

 Fraser cleared his throat, and I refocused my eyes, feeling myself flush
again. He was looking at me steadily, not smiling so big anymore, but I
could still see it in his eyes. 

 "Uh, that's good Fraser. Me too. Me, uh, too." Oh good. Gee, I didn't
sound like a nervous idiot or anything. And he was still looking at me,
smiling a little more, but like he was waiting. 

 //Do it. Do it, do it, do it....// This was the moment, this was it, and
it was like Fraser knew it, knew all about my plan, and he was just
waiting for me to take my chance. 

 Of course, I'm a chickenshit. You wouldn't think so. I ask women out all
the time. Pushy as hell. But this didn't feel like that. This felt like
the first time I walked up to Stella and said, "Hey, do you wanna dance?"
Like if he said yes, my whole life would change. 

 I focused back on Fraser yet again, and I tried to open my mouth, but I
just couldn't. So I looked at Fraser, and Fraser looked at me, and I
started to hate myself for being so freaking god damn scared of this. And
then I saw him shift from foot to foot a little, and the smile was almost
gone. In fact, he was beginning to look a little uncomfortable...and maybe
a little sad? 

 "Well." He sounded...was that disappointment? //Come on, Ray my man, you
can do this.// 

 No smile at all now, and his eyes shifted down to his feet. I thought I
heard a little sigh maybe, then he looked up at me and smiled one more
time, but it was a pretty damn small smile, kind of tight and...and, like,
brittle or something, like if you touched his face too hard it might just
crack apart. 

 //If you touched his face.// God damn it. 

 The moment was almost gone, I knew it, and when he began to turn away
toward the tent, saying, "Shall we...?" I could've killed myself. 

 //God damn it, Kowalski, if you fuck this up you're going to have to kick
your own ass across the Northwest Territories and back, and then go back
to Chicago and try to live with the knowledge that you're the world's
biggest chickenshit god damn asshole that--// 

 "Fraser!" I interrupted my internal ass-chewing session and crossed the
few steps to grab his right arm. He turned back to me and glanced down at
my hand gripping his forearm before meeting my eyes. He raised his
eyebrows, and my heart, impossibly, sped up even more. No fucking idea
what to say. 

 Okay, okay. This is the moment, bloom-close, count the seams,
what-the-fuck-ever, just do something. 

 So I looked him in the eye, really quick, moved my hand up to the back of
his head, half a second to see him look startled, then I closed my eyes
and kissed him hard. 

 Fuck, it hurt. I felt like my heart was gonna bust right out of my chest.
Like my insides were just exploding, all of them-guts, brain, heart, maybe
that tingling feeling was little bits of exploded skeleton trying to work
their way out through the layers of muscle and skin. 

 God damn, it was the best feeling I'd had in years. 

 I started out hard, but kind of slow, too. Didn't even open my mouth,
just pushed my lips against Fraser's and grabbed onto his hair with my
right hand. But when I felt his right hand touch my left one, and his
fingers thread through mine, and his palm press against my palm, and his
lips move, I just opened right up. His mouth opened instantly, and the
warm wet softness of the inside of his lips sliding over the dry chapped
outside of mine made my heart skip a beat again. 

 I needed to breathe, but I wasn't ready to look him in the eye again
quite yet. So I just turned my head to the right a little, sliding my
mouth across his cheek and breathing in deep through my nose. Jesus, I
couldn't even smell the smoke from the fire anymore, except in Fraser's
hair and clothes. Mostly I just smelled Fraser, sweaty and woolly and
wolfy. 

 The second I touched him, all my attention had narrowed down to what I
was feeling inside. But as we stood there, our bodies all pressed
together, I began to notice something besides my exploding insides. Like
how good he smelled, and how thick and soft his hair was in my fingers.
How hard his jaw felt pressed against mine, and how warm his skin was even
out there in the night air. 

 And, uh, that he was hard. Really hard. Whoa. I could feel it through our
layers of clothes, right below my left hip, and when I shifted a little,
slid my left leg forward an inch or so, I heard him breathe in really
quick and sharp, and he squeezed my hand hard for a second. My heart did
another couple dance steps--//Christ, this is gonna give me a heart
attack//--and I squeaked out, "Fraser." 

 I wanted to say more, wanted to pull back and look at him, but I
couldn't. I was frozen again, with my right hand in his hair, and my left
hand clutching his right one, and our bodies stuck together from cheeks to
cocks. We stood like that for a couple seconds, and then he brought his
left arm up from where it had been hanging down by his side, brought it up
under my right arm and wrapped it around me. He began smoothing his hand
up and down my back, and he moved his head, too, rubbing his cheek on mine
a little. I could hear the faint sounds of our stubble rasping together. I
felt him kiss me, right by my left ear, and then he breathed, "Ray." 

 That was all, just my name. But his voice was so calm and steady and warm
and solid that I felt my heart slow down a little. Okay. This was all
going to be okay. The relief was a warm glowy feeling deep in my gut, and
it spread out into my body, like warm molasses running through my veins.
Muscles I didn't even know were tense started relaxing one by one, leaving
me kind of tired and a little bit shaky. I leaned on him a little heavier
and instead of gripping his hair so hard, I began moving my fingers
through it gently, combing and scratching. 

 "Thank god," I said in a low voice. "Thank fucking god, Fraser." 

 He chuckled. "Indeed." 

 I kissed his cheek this time and pulled back to see that little
half-smile, like he's maybe kind of embarrassed but happy, too. When I
looked in his eyes, my heart jumped again, and I felt myself tense up for
just a second, but--//okay, Ray, the hard part's over//--I just kept
looking and pretty soon I started smiling, too. In fact, pretty soon I was
laughing, and then Fraser was laughing. We just stood there by the fire,
still hadn't moved our bodies apart, chuckling and grinning like idiots
until Dief jumped up from his spot by the fire and barked a few times,
looking back and forth between us. Maybe he wanted in on the joke. 

 Fraser let go of me then, squeezing my hand once more first, and crouched
down by Dief. "Yes, all right, I know what you said before." Dief grumbled
and growled a little, tossed his head a couple times, and Fraser blushed.
"Ah. Well, we haven't really discussed this evening's...sleeping
arrangements"--and he shot me a quick glance--"but I thank you kindly for
the offer." 

 Offer? Fraser looked up again, and I raised my eyebrows. He cleared his
throat and turned even redder. I shook my head a couple times. Embarrassed
by a wolf. Only Fraser. 

 "Ah, Diefenbaker has...kindly offered to...sleep with the dogs this
evening...." He trailed off as he stood up, keeping his head turned toward
the tent, and only looking at me quick and sideways. 

 I barked out another laugh. Couldn't help it. Fraser tried to look
irritated--he knew I was laughing at him, this time--but I guess he
thought it was pretty funny, too, because he couldn't seem to keep his
lips from twitching. 

 This time I crouched down by Dief and rubbed that spot he likes behind
his ears. "Thanks, Dief. And, uh, there might be some beef jerky in it for
you if you'll do it again tomorrow." I glanced up at Fraser and winked.
Score! Another blush. Man, it's just too easy with him. I kept my eyes
locked with his when I said, "And maybe a cheeseburger in the next town
for the night after that." 

 "Ray!" Fraser stopped me before I could make any more promises to the
wolf. "Unless you plan on feeding Diefenbaker all our supplies"--Dief
yipped like he thought that sounded pretty good to him, and I snorted and
patted his head--"you may simply need to get used to the idea of
less...privacy on this trip than you would find ideal." 

 Oh. Heh. Okay, I admit it was a little weird to think about doing it with
the wolf right there in the tent. And then I was blushing because I had
just thought "doing it," and I meant me and Fraser "doing it"--in front of
the wolf, no less--and when I looked up at Fraser, he was kind of
twinkling at me. Well, damn, okay, gotta watch what I start. I forget
sometimes that he can tease, too. 

 "Yeah, yeah, all right," I said good-naturedly. Then to Dief, "Sorry,
buddy, you'll just have to close your eyes or something." He lay back down
and rested his head on his paws after one more grumble at Fraser. 

 I stood up again. Suddenly it felt really, really quiet. I mean, I could
hear the fire crackling, and a little wheezing from Dief, a couple of
distant-sounding muffled barks from the dogs. But that was really it. I
shivered a little, remembering that this was going to be my home
until...well, whenever, I didn't know, hadn't figured all that shit out
yet. And then I shivered again when it sank in all of a sudden that
everything was different now. Because me and Fraser were different,
suddenly my whole life was different, and I had no idea what that was
going to mean. Well, fuck. 

 "--Ray, Ray." I started and brought my eyes back to Fraser. Gotta stop
zoning out. He had moved a little closer, was looking at me carefully,
kind of worried. "Are you...cold?" 

 I caught the hesitation. And it made my stomach clench and my throat
tighten up for a second. //C'mon, Kowalski, don't freak out now. And don't
freak Fraser out either, damn it.// "Nah, I'm good." I tried to smile
reassuringly, and he smiled back, but he raised his eyebrows, too. Okay.
"Well, maybe a little ...cold." I reached out and grabbed one of his hands
and looked him right in the eye. "But it's okay, you know? I just have to
get used to this new climate, right?" 

 He was right there with me, I could tell. "I think we'll both have some
adjusting to do over the next few weeks." 

 "Yeah." He let me pull him closer, and then we were hugging. I let his
body warm me right up--it was getting cold out there--and everything
started to feel okay again. In fact, everything started to feel pretty
good. 

 Heh. Real good. 

 I rocked into him a little, and his arms tightened around me. He shifted
and rocked a little, too. Oh yeah. I was feeling all toasty now. "So...."
I began. 

 "Mmmm...?" he hummed, rubbing himself right there, right where I needed
him. 

 "Uh...." My focus was narrowing back down again, and it was hard to talk.
"You wanna...." //Fuck, c'mon, think.// "You wanna go to bed?" 

 Not my smoothest moment. Well, at least I got some words out. 

 Fraser laughed. "Yeah. Let's do that now, Ray." 

 Well, all right. Now it is. 

 We pulled away from each other slowly. Okay. Deep breath, let it out,
look up at the sky, around at the snow, quick neck-crack. Okay, that's
right, I am good to go here, yeah, let's get it on. Fraser was watching my
little psych-up routine with not even a hint of laughter showing on his
face, but somehow I knew it amused the hell out of him anyway. //Fine, you
laugh all you want on the inside, Fraser, but just you wait until *I'm* on
the inside, oh yeah.// And his eyes widened when that thought made my lips
curve into a different kind of grin--I knew I looked exactly like I felt,
like I was ready to swallow him whole. I felt my cock twitch, and I licked
my lips--which made Fraser swallow hard and his face got all...determined,
god, I just knew I was gonna love this--then I jerked my head toward the
tent and grabbed his hand to pull him with me. 

 Inside, Fraser lit the lamp and checked the fuel in the stove. We looked
at the separate sleeping bags, left where we had slept in them last night.


 "We could--" 

 "Let's--" 

 We laughed as we both started to talk at once, and I nodded to Fraser to
go first. It only takes an extra second, after all. 

 "I was going to say that we could zip them together," he continued. 

 I had to laugh again. I love it, love it, love it when we're on the same
page, and this was just going to be so good. "Yeah, I was going to say
that, too." 

 "Well then...." And Fraser wasted no time in setting up a cozy little bed
for us, sleeping bags zipped together and an extra blanket over the top of
both. 

 By the time he was done, I had pulled off all my clothes except the
longjohns and socks-those would have to wait until I was inside the
bags-and when he got up and saw me, fuck, he just grabbed me and kissed me
hard, his hands rubbing over my ass and sliding down between my legs from
behind. God damn. "Damn, Fraser, I-- fuck --" was all I could manage as he
moved his mouth to suck on my left earlobe. 

 After a few seconds of some serious making out between his tongue and my
ear, I struggled to push him away, and we stood for a moment, breathing
hard, practically vibrating, I could feel it. "Okay. Okay, I'm getting
into bed. You...you do whatever--whatever you need to--okay...." I knew I
wasn't making much sense, but you try talking after Fraser sucks on your
ear and feels up your ass. 

 I climbed into the sleeping bags and began unbuttoning the longjohns once
I was inside. I could see Fraser pulling off clothes and--//whoa, not very
Mountie-like//--leaving them in little piles on the floor of the tent.
When I reached an arm out to put my socks and longjohns next to our bed,
he froze for a second, and the look in his eyes was almost...painful.
Couldn't figure out what it was exactly, but it made my heart hurt for a
second. "Hey, Frase, you, uh, you all right?" 

 "Oh yes." And his voice was so low, never heard it sound so rough and
thick and deep like that. "Ray, I'm not sure I've ever been this all right
before." 

 Well. That sounded just fine to me, so I kept looking into his eyes and
my voice came out pretty rough, too, when I said, "Well, c'mon then." 

 There was a little frenzy of movement as he peeled off the rest of his
clothes--//oh boy, even the longjohns//--and I saw just a flash of naked
Fraser in the glow of the lamp before he slid into the sleeping bags with
me. But that's okay because then I could feel naked Fraser, a whole hell
of a lot of naked Fraser, Jesus, and we were all over each other. 

 Our bodies got tangled up so fast, like our skin was fusing together or
something. Maybe it was partly the dim light and the fact that we were
inside this cocoon of sleeping bags and blanket, but I couldn't tell what
was me and what was Fraser anymore. It was just arms and legs and hands
and backs and bellies and mouths. And cocks, oh fuck, our cocks were so
hard, so hard, rubbing together and on each other's hips and in each
other's hands. I didn't know what was leaking from the ends of them and
what was sweat--it was all just hot and slippery everywhere we touched. I
could hear myself moaning and mumbling, no idea what I was saying, but
Fraser kept whispering, "Ray," over and over, only it sounded different
each time. And maybe it was because we didn't seem to have separate bodies
any more, or maybe it was because I just get him, but when he said "Ray"
each time, I understood when it meant "that's so good" and when it meant
"harder" and when it meant "yes, right there." So I did what he asked me,
and maybe that's what I was mumbling, too, maybe I was telling him what I
needed, because he was sure as hell giving it to me. 

 I couldn't believe neither of us was coming yet, but it was like we knew
when to back off and when to slow down, and without even talking about it,
I knew neither one of us wanted to finish too fast. It was just too good,
too good, fuck it was good. So we rode it out, touching and touching and
kissing and kissing, and after a while I found myself down in the sleeping
bags rubbing my face all over the slickness on Fraser's belly, breathing
in his sweaty sex smell, all dark and musky and tangy. I was massaging his
cock with my left hand and running my right hand back and forth over his
nipples, pinching them and rubbing them in little circles. His hands were
moving on my shoulders and in my hair. 

 He moaned "Ray" again, and this time I knew it meant "please," so I
pulled his cock toward me and leaned up on my right elbow, rubbing the
head back and forth across my lips. He choked, almost a sob, when I opened
my mouth and took him in, and when he thrust up between my lips I felt my
eyes get wet, not because it hurt me but because I wished I really could
swallow him whole. All of him, right then, just suck him all right down.
All I could think was //Fraser// and //I want you want you want you want
you//. I was sucking and licking, and I moved over between his legs, and
he pulled his knees up and then let them fall open. 

 I could tell he was getting close. He was thrusting in tight little
circles and my name was coming faster, RayRayRayRayRayRay, but damn it,
not yet, so I took my mouth off his cock, but I kept my right hand
squeezing it gently, and I moved down to lick his balls. They were kind of
furry, and they smelled so great, so much like Fraser, and when I sucked
one into my mouth his "RayRayRay" was interrupted by an "Oh!" and then a
deep groan when I licked down below them and started teasing his hole with
the tip of my tongue. He pushed down onto my tongue, so I licked harder
and began pumping his cock with my hand. "Ray! Ray! Ray!" They were
getting louder now, and in time with his thrusts, and when I pushed my
tongue deep inside him at the same time as I pulled up on his cock and
squeezed the head, he shouted "RAY!" one last time and just came all over
my hand and his belly and the sleeping bag. 

 Wow. I was so sweaty and my heart was pounding so hard you'd think I just
came, too. Might have had something to do with being down inside the
sleeping bags like that, no air and hot as hell. I kind of laughed at
myself when I realized that in spite of that, I didn't want to leave. I
felt right at home down there in the sweaty smelly land of Fraser's cock.
Fraser must've felt me laughing against his side because suddenly there
was a draft of fresh air when he lifted the sleeping bag to look down at
me. "Ray?" And it made me laugh again because it sure sounded different
than the last hundred times he said it. 

 He just held the sleeping bag open and waited for me to look at him. When
I did, uh, whoa, his face was flushed and his hair was a damp curly mess,
but he looked so...so relaxed. Made him look really fucking human, and I
had to look away again quick when my throat tightened up. "Ray?" he asked
again, and this time I think it meant, "Are you okay?" 

 "Yeah, Fraser, I'm good, I'm coming up, just needed a minute, you know?
That was pretty...intense." 

 "Ah. I understand." And it was those familiar meaningless Fraser words,
but I could hear the warmth in his voice. 

 So I leaned over and kissed his cock one more time and then licked once
through the puddle on his belly, wanting to see what he tasted like since
I kind of missed the main event. I heard his breath catch and his stomach
muscles tightened up for a second, but he didn't say anything else. I
rubbed my tongue on the roof of my mouth, trying to get as much of his
taste as I could, and he was just as salty sweet bitter good as I thought
he would be. Then I was up, and Fraser had his arms around me, holding me
hard to him and kissing my eyebrows, my cheeks, my nose, my jaw, then my
mouth, slowly, moving his lips really slowly and sliding his tongue in and
over mine, just slow, slow, slow. Christ. 

 I didn't want to seem too needy--I mean, let the guy have a little
relaxation time, you know?--but I couldn't help rubbing my cock on his hip
a little bit. The way he was kissing me was just so hot, and I swear I
could feel every nerve ending in my body, each one individually screaming
"Good, good, good!" and "More, more, more!" 

 When my rubbing started to turn into thrusting, Fraser pulled his mouth
off mine, and said, "Ray, I really wish you'd stop that." I chuckled a
little because it was a pretty funny thing to say, and in such a Fraser
tone of voice, like he was telling Dief to stop shedding on my couch or
something. I knew what he meant, though, that he wanted me to wait for him
to do whatever it was he was going to do. 

 But I was way too turned on to stop my hips from moving, so I gritted
out, "Can't--can't, Fraser, so if, ohh, if you've got a plan here, you
better, uh, get to it." 

 "Right you are, Ray," and, okay, here we go, suddenly I was on my back
and Fraser was over me, all over me, knees outside my thighs, his whole
body coming down on mine. Yeah, oh yeah, that was good, and I pushed my
hips up to meet his, but he pulled back away from me, supporting himself
on his hands, and I made some frustrated whimpery kind of sound. 

 I realized my eyes were squeezed shut, so I opened them to see Fraser
grinning down at me, but his eyes were kind of steely, and when I started
to reach my arms up to pull on his hips, he quick grabbed my wrists and
brought them down next to my head. "Oh, I don't think so, Ray." 

 I laughed, and he did, too, but he didn't let go of my wrists. Well, all
right, Fraser, you do what you gotta do. And I said, "Yeah, you got a
better idea?" Putting up a good front, trying for cocky and like I
couldn't care less if I ever came again. But I knew my voice sounded
higher than normal, and I knew he could feel me shaking just a little
under him. And I didn't try to move again. 

 "I think so." Then he did lower himself until our cocks were pressed
together, still holding my wrists down, and as he pushed his tongue into
my mouth, he rotated his hips slowly, once, twice, grinding his softness
into my hardness. That felt so...oh man, and my hips tried to get me more
of that feeling, keep it coming, yeah. //Fuck.// And then I said it out
loud, "Fuck," all harsh and hoarse. 

 But before we could get a rhythm going, he kind of slithered down my
body, keeping himself pressed up against me, so I could feel him all the
way down. He kissed my left nipple on the way, gave my right one a little
nip that made me jerk and try to thrust again. And when he got to my cock,
he didn't wait at all, just sucked me in deep. //Oh please let this be it,
I need this to be it.// I twisted my fingers in his hair and held on,
while he moved his mouth on and off my cock, licking it all over, sucking
on the head, taking me in deep, and then moving his mouth off again to
kiss my balls. One of his fingers was rubbing right below them, pushing
hard in a way that sent sparks all the way up the back of my neck to my
scalp. 

 When I felt that finger move down and stroke over my hole, I gasped and
choked and heard myself babbling, "Okay, okay, god, Fraser, please, I
need, I can't, please, please, now, Fraser" and it went on and on like
that. Then he pushed his finger inside me and pulled my cock back into his
mouth, and I couldn't even talk any more, just lay there gasping, hanging
onto his hair and moving my hips randomly, trying to get more, more, more
of all that goodness. He was sucking in rhythm now, and thrusting his
finger in and out of me in the same rhythm. My hips picked it up, and we
were moving together finally, moving and moving, until he twisted his
finger inside me, rubbed it against that one perfect place, and I arched
my back up, all my muscles straining together. One more suck, two more,
and "Fraser! God yes thank you love you Fraser fuck now now please now!"
and I could feel myself coming and coming in his mouth, down his throat,
his lips and tongue just pulling it out of me, pulling it out of my soul,
it felt like. 

 Oh. Oh damn. That was...well, if it was that intense for him, then...I
don't know. I hoped it was that intense for him. 

 "Uh, Fraser..." I tried. But I didn't know how to say it. I lifted up the
sleeping bag with one hand, the way he'd done, and his head was resting on
my belly. His eyes were closed, but he was smiling just a little. So I
smoothed my other hand over his hair, let my fingers trace over his
eyebrows, his cheekbones. When I brushed them over his lips, he pulled
them in, sucked them lightly, and I could feel it everywhere, all the
hairs on my body standing up. 

 I tried again. "Fraser, this is...this is good," I finished lamely. Fuck,
I wished I could do better. I really, really needed him to know. 

 But maybe he did. Because he moved up out of the darkness of the sleeping
bag, lowered himself onto me again, and looked right into my eyes. "It
is." That was all. But he looked so hard at me when he said it that I just
knew we were still on the same page. 

 I wrapped my arms around him then, just feeling him there with me, and he
rested his head down next to mine, and we stayed like that for a long time
before he eventually rolled off to the side. 

 I sighed and we turned our heads to look at each other. "Not so many
showers on this trip, huh?" I asked him. 

 He stuck his head down between us, and I heard him sniff deeply, then he
laughed and said, "No, I'm afraid not. We can always roll naked in the
snow, however." 

 I looked closely to see if he was kidding. Hard to tell with him
sometimes, but it didn't look like it. Great. Hey, I wasn't going to
complain, though. About anything. Not right then, anyway. I pulled him in
close again. "S'okay, there'll be towns every once in a while, right?" 

 "Oh certainly. And we can always melt snow for more cursory clean-up
needs." 

 I snickered. Yeah, I knew what that meant. "Good, that's good." 

 We were quiet again for a few minutes. I was starting to drift off to
sleep when Fraser leaned up out of the sleeping bags to put out the lamp.
I could feel him turn toward me in the dark, and then he pressed a kiss to
my temple. "Mmm...." I sighed and turned my face to find his lips.
"G'night, Fraser." 

 He kissed me one more time, then, "Good night, Ray." 

 I fell asleep with his hand smoothing slow circles on my chest.  

 We were all packed and ready to go. Fraser woke me up about an hour
before sunrise by licking around the edges of my right ear, and I tried to
get him to go for more, but he was all excited, ready to get going. "We're
going on your adventure, Ray!" he told me, and he sounded like he was ten
years old, so I started to get excited about it, too. 

 We had breakfast with Buck Frobisher, who gave us a couple of thoughtful
looks when we kept smiling at each other over stupid things like who was
going to get the last bit of oatmeal. I think he knew, but he didn't seem
too weirded out by it, and when we were finally all loaded up, and I was
settled on the sled with Fraser behind me, Fraser looked back at Buck, and
Buck saluted. Saluted Fraser, who saluted right back, and I know how much
that meant to him. Then I felt Fraser smack me on the shoulder, and I
pointed straight ahead, okay, let's get this show on the road. And we rode
off, Fraser and I, rode off into the sunrise together. It was the
beginning of my first real adventure. And I've never looked back once. 

End