Hi!
This is a tame m/m piece that takes on a different perspective
to our usual Ben/Ray theme here on DSX. It was inspired by one of the
branches of the WOD and a recent email conversation I had with Ann, Drabblemistress
Extraordinaire. Thanks Ann!:-> We had been contemplating the direction
the WOD Branch 3 seemed to be taking at one point (the alternate drabble
one where Welsh takes Ray out for a drink on his birthday). Well WB3
didn't go the way we thought it might and hence this story was inspired.
"YOUR LOSS BOSS" is contained within just this 1 post and is about 8
pages long. Desi
Dsrvbf@aol.com
Ben hadn't seen much of Ray lately. His friend had been put on a night shift recently, so their schedules didn't quite fit with each other any more. He'd asked Ray why the sudden change and Ray shrugged his shoulders, saying something about Welsh telling him he wanted Ray to spend less time with Fraser. Ray figured it had to be as punishment for the mess of red tape, bureaucracy and abundant paperwork that Welsh got dumped into after the Ian MacDonald fiasco.
At first the schedule change wasn't a problem for Ben, but after the first couple of weeks, he'd started to realize how much he missed Ray's company. Ben had gotten used to having a close friend, a luxury he never allowed himself before moving to Chicago. He'd taken for granted Ray's carpooling him to and from work; Ray's frequent dinner invitations to eat out or at the Vecchio's; and being allowed to finagle his way into cases with Ray on his off hours from the consulate. Basically he realized now he'd been spoiled and took for granted Ray's presence in his day to day life.
His absence was definitely noticed and that's why he was here now late at night. He'd been restless and unable to sleep, deciding to take a walk to clear his head and think things through. Most of his thoughts had been about Ray, giving closer inspection to things of their past together he just started to pay attention to now. Without meaning to he found himself in front of the 27th precinct building. Since he was here he decided to stop in, thinking seeing his best friend might help.
Fraser, with Diefenbaker by his side, entered the deserted squadroom scanning the room for his friend. Ray's desk was empty, but there was evidence that he had been there recently. A still warm cup of coffee on his desk could attest to that fact. He sat down in the side chair next to Ray's desk thinking his friend would return shortly from wherever it was he went. Picking up one of Ray's toys, a Rubik's Cube, he began to amuse himself with the puzzle while he waited.
Five minutes later he could hear his friend's laughter out in the hall headed his way and smiled. He was talking and joking with someone, that someone he identified as Lt Welsh. Fraser was surprised, he hadn't realized that Welsh had changed his schedule too. Then dismissed it rationalizing maybe it was just a special visit to the squadroom for a case or something. As the two men entered the room they looked quite chummy. Ray had his hand on his boss' shoulder and was telling him a story about one of the cases he'd worked on with Fraser. "So I told him. *Benny that's ...*" Ray stopped what he was about to say immediately when he saw the object of his story was seated at his desk. "Uh... Hi Benny. What brings ya out past your bed time?" Welsh nodded over to the mountie coldly. "Constable." Without waiting to hear Ben's greetings back, he headed directly to his office, closed the door, and pretended not to notice the two men talking.
Fraser got the distinct impression Welsh wasn't happy to see him. For several months now, the Lieutenant had been giving him the cold shoulder. Not anything really overt or tangible, just a more formal attitude and a coldness that wasn't there before, gradually becoming more and more noticeable to him with time. Feeling the snub again now, he realized suddenly when he'd first started noticing it. It was shortly after he'd come back to work after recuperating from the bullet wound he'd suffered at Ray's hand. It was hidden well, but there. He'd started to really notice it especially after the Ian MacDonald incident with the US government.
Dismissing his thoughts about Welsh with a *Naw. I'm imagining things.* Fraser then smiled at his friend. "Hi Ray. I was taking Dief for a walk and decided to drop in and see how you were. I haven't spoken with you in a while." Ray bent slightly to pet the appreciative wolf's head, slipping him part of the vending machine pastry he had in his hand. "Hi Dief." He was amused and flattered by what he was picking up from his friend... that Ben missed him. He had to admit it to himself that it was good to see his friend again, he'd missed him too. He teased. "Benny we talked just the other day. Ya called me at what?... 5:00 in the morning... before your shift and told me all about that shoplifter you apprehended." Ben looked sheepishly at him. "Well a phone call isn't the same as a visit now is it Ray? Do you have a break coming up?"
Ray took on a more serious expression, slightly worried, getting the impression from Ben's body language and tone that he had something serious to talk about. "Sure Benny. Come on. Let's go for a walk. Tell me what's wrong. Ok?" Fraser smiled. "Nothing's wrong Ray. Can't I just stop in to say 'Hi' to a friend?" Ray looked at his friend skeptically, not buying it. "Sure Benny. We'll just visit for a little while."
Ray reached for his jacket on the coat rack, walked over to Welsh's office, knocked lightly on the door, then poked his head in. "I'll be back in half an hour. Its important. I'll make up my time." Welsh looked up from his desk and grudgingly grumbled at the beseeching green eyes. "Ok Vecchio. But I'm trusting you to make up the time after your shift when I'm not here. Got it?" Ray smiled his thanks. "Got it." Then happily turned to his friend and the wolf. "The boss has let me out of my cage for a little while. Let's go." He placed a hand on his friend's shoulder and led him out the squadroom door.
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Welsh watched their retreating backs and hated what he was feeling. It was what he'd been feeling for several months now, every time he saw the mountie. Especially when he saw Fraser with Ray. It had taken him a while to realize what that something was. It was jealousy. Pure and simple jealousy. And there was something else mixed in too... anger. An anger which started with the whole Victoria affair.
Welsh recalled that incident with bitterness. It began with an invitation to Ray's house for a night of playing pool and hanging out with the guys. He'd been surprised when Ray invited him to join in. Ray had said his family was out of town and that he'd moved his father's old pool table into the dining room... then the words. "I'm inviting some friends over. Huey and Gardino said they'd come. And of course Fraser. I'll get pizzas, beer and maybe one of those cold cut platters. Do you want to come?" Until then he hadn't realized that Ray considered him a friend. They'd always had a boss and worker relationship. He'd had Vecchio in his office so many times in the past for chewing outs that he was surprised by the overture of friendship Ray offered him then. Ray didn't know it but that same day of the pool party marked Welsh's birthday. A fact he shared with no one and had been resigned to spend alone again this year as well... until Ray invited him over.
Thinking back on the actual game now it was sort of funny, but sad too. It had started out well enough, but it grew awkward when the mountie hadn't shown up. Ray as their host was trying hard to cover his disappointment that Fraser wasn't there. The plans he'd had for food for his guests had gone by the wayside. When Welsh figured out Ray had come up short for cash because of money owed him by the mountie, he offered to take the guys out to a bar and grill downtown, his treat. Huey and Gardino had taken him up on the offer, but the person he wanted to come with them most turned him down. He could still see those disappointed eyes and that sad forced smile. "Sorry about tonight. You guys go ahead. I'm gonna wait here for Fraser. Next time ok?"
'Next time' was the dinner that Ray invited them all to to celebrate his promotion that tragic night Gardino died. Ray had asked Welsh to join them too. "You're the reason I got the promotion in the first place. I'd like you to come with us." Welsh had been flattered by the remark. He was onto Ray now and knew of Ray's lack of confidence in himself, which he hid well with his tough guy attitude and sarcasm. "No Ray you're the reason you got the promotion. You've done some really good work. Keep it up."
In the end though he'd turned his dinner offer down. He'd wanted to go. Almost wished he had now, thinking his presence there might have prevented some of the events that took place between Zuko and Ray that night. He recalled he hadn't gone, because he knew Fraser would be there. He'd made excuses about being too busy with work. Ray had smiled at him then. "Your loss boss. You're missing out on some great italian food. Next to my mother's that is. I'll bring you back a doggie bag. If Dief doesn't get to it first."
How had Ray managed to get to him? He still wasn't sure, but kept going back to the events surrounding the Victoria incident for an explanation. Back to when he'd first started to notice his feelings for Ray Vecchio were changing. Becoming less boss and worker, less paternal and more affectionate.
He'd been privy to most of the events as they unfolded then. Fraser had thrown everything away, including Ray, to follow after a vicious criminal out of what he thought was 'love'. 'Love', the mountie didn't know the first thing about it thought Welsh angrily to himself. He didn't see it right under his nose. Love was the disappointment Welsh had seen in Ray's eyes when Fraser didn't show up for that damn party. Or when he'd clung tightly to his belief in Fraser's innocence while they were both grilled by Internal Affairs; Ray being falsely accused alongside Fraser for criminal misconduct. Or when Ray put his family's home up as collateral to get the bail needed to get Fraser out of jail. Or when he'd stood on that train platform and watched as his so-called best friend discarded him to an unfair fate to run after Victoria. Welsh would never forget that Ray would have taken the fall for everything by Fraser's running off.
Victoria had a gun alright. But they still weren't sure if there was one there that night or not. She'd used it to put a bullet into Ben's soul long before Ray ever shot him. She'd infected him with its sting and critically wounded a friendship and the life of another in the process. The life of someone whom Welsh had started to really care about.
At first he'd thought his reactions towards Ray then were paternal. He'd been with Ray to lend him his support while he waited in the hospital for the first results reported on Fraser's condition. Ray had held it together for the most part then, but had looked on the verge of exhaustion and emotional collapse, especially when the doctor told him the bullet was still inside Ben for fear of doing more damage if they removed it.
He'd given Ray some compassionate leave time to stay with Fraser for a while and recover somewhat from the tragedy. Welsh knew the state of Ray's home, from overhearing about it from some of the officers at the precinct. He knew Ray had seen it as well and was probably overwhelmed with the magnitude of the clean up job he'd have to do.
Welsh had come to a decision the day of Ray's review board hearing. He'd been there and watched as Ray answered the difficult questions in regards to his actions. Having been with Ray that night at the train station, his heart went out to him and as a witness and his boss was called on for his interpretation of the events as well. It had been an agonizingly long process. After the grilling, Ray had stopped him in the hall and thanked him for his support and understanding, then rushed back to the hospital to be with his friend once more.
Welsh had gone back to work afterwards, noticing Huey and Gardino coming into the squadroom, he called over to them. "Huey, Gardino my office." They looked over at each other perplexed and worried they were in trouble. He had that effect on his subordinates. Gardino always spoke out first, before he even knew what was happening. "Hey Lt if its about that incident with the stripper..." Huey gave Gardino an *oh brother* look when he caught from Welsh's expression that he didn't know what Gardino was talking about. "No its not about that *incident*. Although I'd like a full report on what *incident* that would be, unless of course its going to involve alot of paperwork on my part and a headache." Gardino looked sheepish. "Uh forget I said anything sir."
Welsh eyed them both suspiciously. "I have an assignment for you both. I'll be involved with it as well. I want you to know its strictly voluntary." They looked at each other before looking back at him. Huey spoke this time. "Sir. What is it you want us to do?" Welsh continued. "Help me clean up a crime scene. Vecchio's place. His family comes home in three days, the place is a shambles and the guy's got enough on his plate to worry about without that on top of it. Whaddya say?"
Huey gave him a strange look. "You want us to fix up Vecchio's place? This is an assignment? Will I get credit towards my merit badge or somethin'?" Welsh growled back. "No. Just credit in my book. Think about if you were in his shoes right now. Are you with me? We'd start now." Huey shrugged. "Yeah. Sure. Why not? I got no grudge against Vecchio. Feel bad for the guy, shooting his friend and all. Rough break. I'm in." Gardino eyed his partner. "Geesh you're a sap Jack." Huey snapped back. "You know Gardino Ray may have had the right idea, shooting his friend. I'm thinking along those lines right about now." Gardino smirked. "Alright, alright. I'll help too. If only out of self-defense."
Ray hadn't come home much during those first few days Ben was in the hospital. He'd known his place was a wreck and had split his time between the hospital, work - specifically the review board - and stayed at Fraser's apartment with Diefenbaker. During this time Welsh and his helpers fixed and straightened up the Vecchio home. They'd gotten additional help from Elaine and even Ray's ex-wife Angie had dropped by and was quite helpful in knowing where most of the items went.
There were a few things that couldn't be salvaged, such as some of the plants and the broken glass. But for the most part Fraser hadn't really broken much, just strewn things about. The front door hadn't even been that bad. They'd managed to rehang it, touch it up in spots, and have it functioning again. With everyone's help it had taken them an afternoon and a night to get the job done. Welsh had dismissed them all and was the last to go wanting to fix one more thing he'd noticed in the living room.
He'd become fully alert when he'd heard someone fumbling with the lock on the front door. The person on the other side was having trouble getting the key in to unlock an already unlocked door. Welsh rose to go to the door. Through the window of it he noticed it was Ray. Opening the door for the occupant of the house as soon as he saw him. "Hello Ray. I was just leaving..." He noticed Ray was standing unsteady on his feet, his eyes were glassy and he smelled of alcohol. "Ray you been drinking?" Ray smiled drunkenly at him. "Yup. Ya wanna join me for anotherround? We can toast my marksmanship. Leave it to me to miss my friend's spine by less than an inch and still be at fault for paralyzing the guy. Pretty sharp shootin' hunh?" Welsh's face grew concerned. "Ray? What's this you're talking about? Fraser's paralyzed?"
He led Ray into the house with his arm around him to help steady him and bring him towards the couch in the living room to sit down. Ray swallowed hard. "Um... doctor told me Benny wasn't responding to stimuli to his legs and they were concerned the bullet was pressing on something... nerve or something... they wouldn't know for sure, until he's more aware and conscious what's going on. They brought in a specialist though this afternoon who recommended doing more surgery to remove the bullet. But there was a high percentage it would do more harm than good. They made me decide."
The anguish in Ray's eyes as he looked at him was heartbreaking. "God they left it to me to decide. Benny had me down as next of kin. Had me listed as family. What was I gonna do? I didn't okay the surgery. I pray to god I made the right choice. Wait and see they told me. Wait and see." Welsh had kept his arm around Ray's shoulder when he felt the trembling under his hand; heard the emotion choked words; saw the start of tears forming in those sad eyes.
Welsh never knew if he initiated it or Ray had, but somehow he'd wound up with Ray in his arms, when he'd finally broken down and cried. He'd held him, rubbing his back and saying soothing words to him. "Shhh. Fraser will be ok. It'll be ok." At some point he couldn't stop himself when he'd kissed his cheek, then somehow found himself kissing his lips. Ray hadn't pulled away. He had felt him kiss him back. He hadn't imagined that.
He wanted it to go further, wanted Ray, but couldn't bring himself to take advantage of him in this vulnerable state. He'd stopped it at the kiss and just held Ray after that until his tears were spent and he'd lapsed into sleep. Removing Ray's jacket and shoes and loosening his collar and belt he'd then laid him comfortably on the length of the couch. He'd found a blanket and covered him with it, then turned the lights off and sat with him through the rest of the night.
Ray had woken up first, eyes barely able to open, groaning his discomfort from the aftereffects of his drunken state the night before. Welsh had heard him, waking him up, he'd fallen asleep in the chair next to the couch. "Good morning Ray." Ray startled at hearing Welsh's voice in the room with him, then covered his eyes with the palm of his hands, mumbling under his breath. "Oh god I didn't dream it." Welsh felt awkward knowing what Ray was most likely refering to. "Dream what?" Ray looked over at him with slitted eyes. "Did...? Naw. Never mind." Welsh shook his head to help hide the fact they'd kissed.
He wanted Ray to think it was just a drunken fantasy. "Thanks for taking care of me boss." Welsh put on his most authoritative voice and tone. "Just don't let it happen again. I'm not your babysitter Ray." Ray smiled. "Got it. What brings ya here?..." With the last he'd looked around the room and noticed the difference from when he'd last been here. His expression had changed from confusion to surprise and being moved by what he'd seen. "Did you do all this?" Welsh responded. "I had help from some friends. We got the place put back together again. Maybe not exactly like it was before, but close."
Ray seemed surprised at the way things were put back almost exactly the way he remembered. "How'd you know where..." Welsh smiled. "Angie came by too. She's got a good memory." Ray looked sincerely touched by the gesture of friendship he'd been given. "Thank you and would you pass on my thanks to your helpers too?" Welsh nodded. "Sure.
Gardino, Huey and Elaine will be pleased to know you learned how to say thank-you." Ray chuckled. "Yeah. Well. Its getting easier to say lately."
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Welsh glanced up from his desk to peer through the window of his office when he heard Ray come back into the squadroom. Ray couldn't have looked happier as he smiled cheerfully a greeting over at him. With sudden realization and a pang somewhere in his soul, he'd felt a difference. That expression on Ray's face was one he wished was for himself, but he knew it was for another. The mountie had finally discovered what was right there in front of him all this time...
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On his way home he pondered once again. He didn't know quite what it was that made him feel this way or when it was he'd fallen in love with Ray Vecchio. THE END