Disclaimers: They aren't mine, but I play with 'em a lot! <that sounds *really* bad!>

Notes: Yup, I got bored at work again. Can I help it that trying to collect money from people who don't want to give me any gets old after awhile? Been doing this damn near a year and I think I'm ready for a change. Dealing with the public sucks. Because I'm so bored, I'm gonna write some smut or some reasonable facsimile of smut. Anyone have any problems with that? <g>

Rated: Mmmm, R, I suppose.

Archive: Bindlestitch, C Minor, my page

Author's web page: http://home.att.net/~lojojan

Obsession

By: Lori J

I watch him all the time. He must know that. I can't stop; it's gone too far for that.

I don't want to stop.

I've even started to follow him. The minute his car drives away from the consulate, I change clothes quickly and run out the door. I have to know where he is at all times. Where he goes, who he talks to, what he does. Everything. I must know everything.

I think he suspects. Ray is a police officer, trained to know these things. But I think even if he were not a detective, he would know. There are times when he amazes me with his 'hunches'.

My life revolves around Ray. Whole days are spent thinking about him, dreaming about loving him. Dreaming that he might love me back. I dare not hope that he would reciprocate my feelings. To be denied would kill me, I am certain.

Every word he speaks is like music to my ears. I know that sounds stupid, as Ray might say, but it is the truth. I could listen to him talk for hours and never be bored. Everything he says is infused with energy. I wonder if his touch would be filled with the same energy.

I think I fell in love with him when he took asylum in the Consulate. It hurt me greatly to see him in pain. I would have given anything to take the pain away.

I almost lost him once. Ray nearly died on the Henry Allen. After we returned I started to follow him. The thought that I might never have seen him again drove me out that first night back. I stood outside his building for a long time. Just stood and watched as his silhouette moved back and forth in his apartment.

So began my obsession. Now I cannot stop.

In the past few weeks, I've followed him to his home, to the grocery store, to the newsstand on the corner. I was surprised to find that he does a lot of walking. I had wondered how he stayed so slim. Of course, with him walking it is easier to follow.

Or he could be doing it on purpose because he knows that I watch him.

Either way, I have decided that tonight is the night I tell him. Tonight I will tell him that I love him. If he rejects me, I don't know what I'll do. Perhaps I will leave Chicago. I don't think I could see him every day knowing he doesn't feel the way I do.

It is with feet seemingly made of lead that I make my way up his stairs. Ray has been home for over an hour. I watched from across the street, working up my nerve.

He is alone, thank God for that. I knock on his door, wincing because it seems too loud in the quiet hallway. And then I wait.

A muffled, "Hang on!" sounds from inside.

I wait, heart in my throat.

I hear the deadbolt disengage and then the door is swinging open and Ray is standing there, smiling at me. At me. Ray is smiling *at me.*

My mouth opens and nothing comes out. I have never used the word 'beautiful' to describe a man until now. Ray looks almost ethereal in the dim light of the hallway. His blond hair is mussed, spikes in disarray. His blue eyes look at me with nothing but warmth.

Most disarming of all is that Ray is naked from the waist up. Perhaps I caught him just as he was about to take a shower. The tight jeans that he favors are slung low on his hips. Low enough to suggest that he wears nothing underneath. I close my eyes for a moment, overwhelmed by the emotions rushing through me.

When I open them again, Ray is still smiling at me. Again my mouth opens, but I can't speak, can't say what I came to say. If anything, his smile becomes broader as he backs up, opening the door wider.

"C'mon in," he says causally, as if a Mountie showed up at his door everyday.

I enter the apartment slowly, still unsure of myself. I am barely able to stop myself from jumping when the door shuts behind me.

Ray brushes past me, his shoulder touching mine briefly. He flops on the couch and looks up at me through half-lidded eyes.

"You gonna stand there like a statue or you gonna sit down?" His voice has taken on a breathless quality, almost as if he is expecting something big to happen. He pats the cushion next to him, inviting me to sit.

Too much. It's too much.

In an instant I am on the couch and on him. Pushing him into the cushions, holding him down. I take his mouth in a hungry kiss, thrusting my tongue deep. He responds eagerly, long arms and legs wrapping around me, pulling me closer.

Breaking the kiss takes every ounce of willpower I have. I need to know that Ray wants this, that he wants me. I raise my head and stare into his eyes, dark with passion. "Ray, do you-"

He smiles again. A sweet, sincere smile. "I do," he says, pressing his lips to mine softly.

I have to tell him what I've done. I won't lie to him. "I've been...following you, Ray."

"I know."

"You knew?" I am not surprised. Ray misses very little. "Oh dear, are you all right?" I realize that my full weight rests on him and brace myself with my arms. I don't want to crush him.

Ray's hips lazily roll upwards until our growing erections are touching. "'m fine. You feel good, Renny. Can I call you Renny?"

My heart flip-flops. He does want me. I had been worried for nothing. "You can call me anything you want," I say, leaning in for another kiss. I carefully settle on him again and he responds by deepening the kiss.

He doesn't reply. He can't because I'm still kissing him. When I finally let him go, he gasps for air and then laughs loudly. "Was wonderin' how long it would take ya to get up here."

"Too long." I flick my tongue down his neck, enjoying the moans produced. Ray shifts against me restlessly, wanting more. But I tease him, tracing patterns with my tongue, occasionally letting my lips touch his neck. Then without warning, I suck hard at the spot where his shoulder meets his neck. Ray throws his head back, arms tightening around me, gasping when he feels the sting of my teeth.

I sit back and admire my work. Something inside me, something primal, is deeply satisfied that Ray has been marked. That I have marked him as mine. I intend to mark more than his neck before the night is over.

Standing up, I extend my hand to Ray. "Bedroom." He sits up and takes my hand, allowing me to pull him upright. I hug him tightly to me for a moment, loving the feel of his body against mine. Ray hugs me back, resting his head on my shoulder.

I don't know how long we stand there, just holding each other. Eventually, he raises his head and kisses my cheek.

"You said somethin' bout bed, didn't ya?" Ray winks at me as he tugs me toward his bedroom. I go willingly, who wouldn't?

Once we are in his bedroom, I can't help but take over again. With a growl I push him none-too-gently onto the bed. Ray laughs a little as he bounces slightly.

"Yer really butch tonight, aintcha Renny?" His eyes widen as I pounce on him and quickly strip his jeans off. I was right. He wasn't wearing anything underneath. I sit back and run my eyes up and down his body, knowing that my need is apparent. His golden skin flushes red under my gaze. Ray clears his throat, getting my attention. "You gonna get naked anytime soon or what?"

His words spur me into action. In no time my clothes lay scattered on the floor. Ray has moved to lay in the middle of the bed, arms crossed behind his head. My erection swells just looking at him. Then I am on him again, kissing and sucking everywhere I can reach.

The night passes in a passion-filled haze. Several moments remain vivid in my mind, even years later.

...Ray crying out my name as I engulf his cock in my mouth....

...slowly sliding in and out of Ray, knowing the exact moment he comes...

...the feel of his head resting on my chest, the soft sound of his breathing...

Moments that I will treasure for a lifetime. We've made love many times since then, but nothing will ever compare to that first night. The night Ray Kowalski made me the happiest man in the world.

The End