Too much overdramatic angst, misunderstandings and cliches, plus a boring Mary Sue character. Serena's a saint, and that makes her dull and interesting. I know you probably wanted to pair Ray Vecchio with a nice woman, but I got bored whenever she was in the story. Try writing a character who has some faults, as Fraser and both Rays do in this fic. And understand that you don't have get RayV away from Fraser in a F/K fic, either by making him homophobic or by having him move away. Sorry, but Fraser's more interesting with RayV any day than he is with Kowalski.
From: tortiecat Date: 06/18/2013
I mentioned in another comment that it's a huge mistake to have Fraser thinking of Ray Vecchio as just "Vecchio," or calling him just "Vecchio." He never did that on the show, so it's OOC for him. I think he'd always call him and think of him as "Ray," even after he meets Ray Kowalski.
And I wish you had left "Benny" for Ray Vecchio only, and not had Kowalski call him "Benny Ben." Not leaving "Benny" as only RayV's nickname for Fraser makes you seem that you have little to no respect for RayV and his friendship with Fraser, and maybe you do, even though you've written RayV with sensitivity and sympathy, and explained his actions toward Fraser and RayK as mental and emotional problems. And I thank you for that, and not making RayV a terrible homophobe who will never speak to his best friend or Kowalski again. If Fraser loves RayV as a dear friend at all, however, he has to do something to make up for deceiving his friend and not being honest with him about Kowalski. It was very childish of Fraser to do that.