Disclaimer: I don't own them *sob* just borrowing them, and giving them
a much
needed release :P I'll put them back, unscathed when I'm
done playing with
them (okay.. I really -really- want to keep RayK....)
Rated : NC-17-RayK For M/M homoerotic content. Again, this is not a 'Fixit'
story.
This story takes place just after the events of CotW, and is a companion
piece to Head Over Feet.
Foolish Games
by Andre
You took your coat off, stood in the rain,
You're always crazy like that.
And I watched from my window,
Always felt I was outside, looking in on you.
You're always the mysterious one,
With dark eyes, and careless hair.
You were fashionably sensitive,
But too cool to care.
You stood in my doorway,
With nothing to say,
Besides some comment on the weather.
In case you failed to notice,
In case you failed to see,
This is my heart, bleeding before you,
I'm simply down on my knees.
These foolish games,
Are tearing me apart.
And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart,
They're breaking my heart.
Home. A surge of inexplicable warmth, of security long
forgotten, swelled inside the rugged, handsome, dark-haired Canadian,
his steps measured, keeping, perhaps, a slower pace then he would have
preferred. *The last thing I am going to do, is allow Ray to get lost
out here. I owe him too much, everything, really.* Shame settled over
him, into the endless depths of his azure eyes, scalded him, numbed him
momentarily. *I all but cast Ray off when Ray.. Ray Vecchio that is*
He momentarily corrected himself, *Returned, I owe Ray, -this- Ray, -my-
Ray, more then to have behaved like that.* He sighed inwardly, unable
to give voice even to that soft sadness. *It's no secret, I can express
myself easily, as long as that expression somehow skirts it's way around
any form of intimacy. Why, in this one thing, do I always let down those
that I love.. that love me? After all, my own inability to see through
to the truth of romantic matters is what has kept me from the one person
I have truly desired in so very long *
One answer, he knew, was Victoria. *Victoria, passion laced through with
destruction.* He tried to push the chilling reminiscence away, cast it
off as if it were some sort of unwanted outer layer, one that kept him,
for so achingly long, from that which was real, tangible. *She froze
me, immersed me into some place dark, a place where my emotions, my needs
could never be voiced lest her brand of 'fever' ever overtake me again,
and destroy me.* He had almost gone with her too, rushing headlong into
oblivion, with open arms. *Was it because of Victoria herself? Or because
of some intangible loneliness that I could no longer bear? Some deep
well of incompleteness that haunted my soul?* It was a question that
had remained a specter to him for a long time, one that he still wasn't
certain he would ever find the true answer for. *If it hadn't been for
Ray..Vechhio, I might well have lost myself, my soul, my identity in
the heat of her darkened passion.*
Some speck of his reason lurched a bit, grasped on to the concept that
he had started attaching Vecchio to the first Ray's name. *Ray Vecchio
was never -mine- though, Ray Kowalski -is-.* His eyes picked out the
familiar spot on the horizon, and his step lightened, his thoughts attempting
following suit, as Deif quietly plunged through the snow behind him,
and his uncharacteristically silent companion. *I owe Ray Vecchio a lot,
too, although the dynamic of our relationship, was, indeed, a very different
one.*
Fraser had never been attracted to his first American partner, per se,
at least not beyond some sort of unfathomable, almost spiritual sense
of brotherhood. Ray Vecchio had his own life, one that he seemed to be
at least comfortable, if not happy with. Vecchio had never, to be painfully
honest, -needed- Fraser, and although it was not something he had ever
addressed, even with himself, Fraser craved that, that feeling of meaning
something, of being needed, solely for himself. Even though Ray Vecchio
had ushered him inside, into his warm family, eased his sense of homesickness,
there was still some portion of Fraser's soul that was immersed in frozen
ice, awaiting the caress of the sun's heat.
That heat, that warmth, had come in an unusual form, a form that was
wearing Ray Vecchio's life when Fraser had returned to Chicago. It had
been a shock, to put it mildly. Vecchio, his friend, the one person he
had allowed himself to depend on, had left, quietly, quickly, albeit
in the name of duty *Again, I was so alone, I felt as if what semblance
of a life, what semblance of warmth I had found in that city of so many
nameless faces had suddenly been wrenched away from me.* Without even
being consciously aware of it, Fraser stifled another sigh, it was like
wrote, like some eerie unbreakable law, that he, Benton Fraser, formerly
of RCMP, was unable to verbalize, in either words, or sounds the emotions
that often raged fiercely within his heart and soul.
Stanley Raymond Kowalski was an altogether different creature then Raymond
Vecchio, in so many ways, at times it was staggering. Immediately Fraser
sensed the man's kinetic vibrancy, he was like a powder keg of nervous
energy, raw, hot-tempered, with a soul that was amazingly kind and good
for a man who had seen as much as he. *I think, at the very first, that
I wasn't able to see beyond the fact that Ray was a good Police Officer.*
How like him to always notice duty first. *And yet.. and yet there was
a part of me that was so unwilling, again, to let go of my past. That
in some ways I think I tried to mold Ray into Ray Vecchio, to shield
myself, deny myself the undercurrent of emotion which was slowly starting
to dawn inside of me.*
So many things about the wiry American had cut through Fraser's defenses,
pushed at the heavily fortified dam of his heart, threatening to crush
it with his exquisite urgency. *Sometimes with Ray, so much is apparent,
visible. He wears his heart on his sleeve, as they say.* Fraser sometimes
dearly envied Ray that ability, the ability to let go, show his emotions,
be they positive or negative ones. *How I long to understand, and exercise
that sort of emotional abandon and freedom myself.* One thing that Fraser
knew with a sharpening clarity, is that only Ray would ever be able to
melt the ice he had formed over the surface of his feelings, only Ray
had that brilliant, burning intensity, only Ray was the sun so he stirringly
craved.
Over the course of their last year together, Ben had come to know the
soul that stood beside him now. It was dazzling, it could overpower him
and wash away the years of desolate ice with one blinding ray of light.
*Funny, how until now I could not see what was in front of me, even with
a man who is as emotionally open as Ray is.* They had played at vagaries,
subtleties. It seemed that each encounter blazed with a mingling rush
of unadulterated need, and barely restrained want. So many signals. So
many cues from both men, both men who, in the end, could not completely
reconcile their wants with the cold hard light of truth. Vecchio's truth.
*When I am completely honest with myself, I think I have loved him from
the start, from the instant he burst into my life wearing that intoxicating
charisma, sardonic smile, and endearing insecurity. How could I not have?
Perhaps some guarded portion of my soul could recognize that which my
intellect could, or would not.* He somehow always found himself one step
away from the object of his need, dancing around the fire that threatened
to consume him.
It had been apparent, at least Fraser had thought so, that Ray returned
that love, with the same feverish intensity that he himself attempted
to deny feeling. So many remembered words, stolen moments of closeness
when one, or in some rare cases, both of them forgot themselves, and
dropped their masks in bittersweet moments of awkward intimacy. "I
love you, Fraser." He gulped, the refrain echoing over and over
again throughout his mind like a siren calling a sailor across the waves.
Even he himself, had responded, one small escaped honesty, his own admission
of feelings reciprocated. Although Ray had covered it with one of his
more usual defensive quips, Fraser knew, heard in that small moment of
mutual weakness, that it was a startling truth. It terrified him.
It terrified them both, so much so that it nearly drove them apart. *I
think at first, I wondered, why Ray did not leave me, cast me aside,
when he had the chance, it would have been far easier on him.* But aboard
the Henry Allen, circumstance provided one last chance. Ray had been
drowning, and although the motive behind Fraser's life saving technique
was pure, guilt sometimes suffused him. *I made it more then what it
was, used the opportunity to.. to.. to get close to Ray in a way I never
thought I would be allowed. It was more then what it seemed.* The memory
was burned irrevocably into his brain, his lips, softly caressing Ray's,
feeding him life, losing himself, letting go for one blinding heartbeat,
to let more travel into that brief embrace. His want, and searing need
momentarily forcing its way through, travelling along that 'kiss'. It
had thrilled him.
They had stayed together after that. *And despite our mutual vows that
nothing had changed between us, it had.* From that day forward, the fires
that had been kindled in that potential underwater grave, could never
again be totally extinguished. It burned and erupted just beneath the
surface of their sorely strained resolves. The one thing that Ray had
offered to Fraser, was that one thing he craved. Ray needed him, needed
him in ways no other being ever had in his life, and that honest, forthright
need was the headiest, addictive drug that Fraser had ever consumed.
For long months he had burned fever-hot, desperate, yearning, but also
confused. *I could never understand what the obstacle to our intimacy
was, exactly. I was willing, and I more then suspected that Ray was as
well.* The thought itself spawned rivers of heat that coursed now through
his veins, heightening his senses, warming him. *And as usual I should
have known, should have sensed that the very obstacle to Ray, was, well,
Ray, the other Ray. I missed the cues, the signals again, so common for
me really, where the heart is concerned.* Only when Vecchio had returned,
had the startling truth of the matter become readily revealed to him,
smacked him in the head, rather like a dead otter.
*I should have known all along, should have been aware of it. I had always
known that Ray felt threatened by Ray Vecchio, he had never tried to
conceal that fact, or his insecurities, at least not with me.* Again
shame washed over him, at his own inability to fathom the dynamics of
the emotional spectrum, dampening, at least for the moment, the burning
throb of desire that was snaking through him. "We still partners?"
In that moment, their entire relationship played out before him, Ray's
insecurity, and more then likely no small amount of fear. Instinctively
Fraser had always known that his fragile Ray could never bear the oppressive
crush of another experience like Stella.
*He must have thought that I was trying to replace Ray Vecchio, that
Ray was somehow just meant to fill a void in my life, the same way he
had filled a void in Ray Vecchio's, although in an admittedly different
way, when Ray Vecchio went undercover with the Mafia. A placeholder,
and my actions, albeit innocent, must only have reinforced that insecurity
when Ray Vecchio had inevitably returned.* His companion let out a soft,
strangled sigh, but the word accompanying it drifted away from him, borne
on icy wings along the arctic winds. He stopped then, to study him momentarily.
Strength and fragility in equal measures, and passion too, of that he
had no doubt. *I should have reassured him, months ago, that my feelings
were no more then an easy brotherhood with Ray Vecchio. Told him, vocalized,
that he was not the 'replacement' that he feared. That -he- Stanley Raymond
Kowalski was the one and only person that I craved, needed, loved.* But
now, here in the vastness of the Yukon, there was time.
"Ray? Ray, Ray, RAY!!" The now heartwarming refrain erupted
from his lips as if by wrote. A tender litany that he had repeated time
and again. It worked, because the blue heat of his partner's eyes focused,
swung around to fasten on him, sending a spear of heat thrumming through
his being.
"Yeah Frase?" *Oh dear, it would appear Ray has been woolgathering
again* "Whatcha need Frase?"
Fraser cleared his throat then, almost inaudibly, to stifle the chuckle
that was threatening to bubble forth from him, yet he didn't want to
shake the delicate security that his partner had seemed to find at last.
"Nothing, Ray, we are here." It was growing increasingly difficult
for Ben to suppress a smile then.
"Yeah, well I knew that, I got eyes y'know." A grimacing frown
molded itself across the blond Detective features, playing across the
angular planes of that handsome face. *How predictable, that he would
try and cover his thinking, it is charmingly endearing, one of the many
things about Ray I love..* The predicted follow up tumbled out, as if
on cue from Ray's mouth. "I was just.. was just.. y'know, takin'
in the scenery." *Scenery my foot.*
"Understood" *Is he aware of how this side of him melts past
all my barriers, how in moments like these, my need for him is so great,
it threatens to consume me whole?* He couldn't fight back the smile anymore,
the corners of his lips curling into a half-smile of both total understanding
and sweetness. For a long moment, he just stood still, his gaze drowning
itself in the blue intensity of Ray's eyes, who's color, now, was clear,
untroubled, and reminded him so much of the surrounding sea of sky above
them. Trying to quell his own heat, he adjusted the pack he was carrying
and stated softly, "Come on, Ray." Knowing, instinctively,
that his friend would follow.
*I have never brought anyone here before that I was, well, intimate with,
in 'that' way.. Never allowed them to glimpse this side of me, of my
life. I wonder if Ray understands how intensely personal this for me.*
But something in the unreadable expression of the man he loved bore witness
to his thoughts, that this man, who had come to mean so very much to
him, did, indeed understand.
He rose trembling hands to unlock the door to the cabin, his words rambling
out without conscious thought, "It's probably not much by your standards,
Ray, but we are, nonetheless here."
*We are standing on a precipice, Ray and I together, and when we walk
through that door, we are jumping off together, whatever it may bring.
There is no more turning back, for either of us.* Perhaps he should have
been nervous, but every fiber of his being craved, nigh demanded this,
and for once, he wasn't afraid of the fall. *This, this -with- Ray is
real, for the first time, I am certain. There will be no dark consumption
of my soul, no abandonment, all that matters now is this, and I am more
then willing to fling myself into the arms of loving abandon* It was
a profound thought, and a heady one, the complete absence of fear, for
the first time in Fraser's life.
He started a fire, knowing that by now, his would-be lover must be saturated
by cold, unused to, as he was, the harsher climate of Ben's northern
home. It crackled loudly, it's noise accentuated by the strained silence,
the anticipation pulsing along the currents and eddies of cool air. *What
now? Again I find myself at a loss, unable to move myself forward.* He
busied himself with the brief chore of unpacking, and when that was through,
there was only one thing left to do.
*Great Scott* Fraser raised his head, to calmly, well as calmly as was
possible, regarding the man who was about to become his lover. Ray had
propped himself against the closed door, eyes closed, looking for all
the world like a contented cat, more then happy to allow the door to
hold him up. *Such a dichotomy, Ray's beauty, his wiry strength, tempered
by an odd fragility. He is exquisite.* His blood was running hot now,
threatening to combust into tongues of wanton fire. For long moment's
he studied Ray's face, azure eyes softly caressing their way across the
geography of his face, noting the delicate vein throbbing slightly at
Ray's temple, just beneath the shock of the man's spiky, rebellious hair.
*I want to touch that hair, see if, despite it's outward sharp appearance,
it is soft, like Ray.* Ray's eyes opened, for a brief instant, Fraser's
own want reflected firmly there. Unable, and unwilling to stop himself,
Ben's eyes drank in the man before him, travelling slowly across his
face, his body, memorizing every contour with his eyes. *Is he afraid
of this? I know that I should be, but oddly, I am not, not any longer.*
He felt himself move. Rising to his feet, he took several slow steps
to the door, crackling electricity flaring between them.
Silence settled over them for a moment, and in the hush, for once, Ben
understood this matter of the heart. Without thinking he found himself
saying, almost reverently, arousal straining in the rich warmth of his
voice, ""Shh.. Words are for later,.. after.."
Ray's warm masculine scent, laced with the aroma of cinnamon from the
gum the Chicagoan chewed, greeted him, drugged his senses, enflamed him.
*I want this, more then I have allowed myself to want anything in my
life, thus far.* Suddenly, he felt a searing jolt suffuse his body, as
Ray's slender fingers, the ones he had secretly admired for so long,
gently, reverently traced their way lightly across his cheekbone. *That
touch, oh yes, This is what I have denied myself for far too long* He
leaned forward, enthralled by the slight traces of cinnamon that greeted
him in the hesitant lips that met his. That first kiss electrified him,
rocked him, and filled him full of a singular purpose and commitment.
He wrapped an arm tightly around Ray's waist, pulling the man closer,
kissing him with more vigor now. *Oh dear, I think.. My control.. it's
slipping.. Why do I not care?*
In a heated moment of possessive passion, something broke free, the small
cracks in the dam expanding, the waters of emotion and need flowing over
him, drowning him, and oh how he welcomed it. His strong hands gripped
Ray's wrists, forcibly dragging the man's arms up above his head, pinning
him there with the strength of his grip, and the weight of his body.
*I don't think I can ever get enough of this sensation.* Fire roared
through him, as again and again he claimed Ray's lips with passionate,
demanding kisses. To his delight, Ray was responding as surely as he
himself was. Desire shook him as he felt Ray yield, submit to his unrestrained
want. It was glorious. He opened his eyes, held Ray's intense stare for
a long, heated moment, his lover's soul nakedly reflected in those blue
pools. It shocked him, aroused him.
He was startled then, by the strength of his partner, as he was forced
back himself, against the doorframe, pinned even as he himself had pinned
Ray. One deceptively strong arm wrapped around his waist, pulled him
solidly against Kowalski. Then he could -feel- it, Ray's arousal, his
want, pressed against his hip, in the form of a demandingly hard cock
. It was his undoing.
All rational thought began to slip from his mind and those lips he had
scrutinized so many times descended on him, branding him, claiming him.
He was beginning to go weak-kneed, he needed, wanted, so much more. He
was aware of the small noises that rose between them, tiny growls, soft
gasps, even wanton moans. *My God, he is so open, so spontaneous, even
now he hides nothing from me.* He began to tremble, his muscled frame
shaking as those hot lips began to trace a path of fire along his jaw,
teeth nipping him, his mind reeling from the ecstasy granted him by his
lover.
Fighting to retain his senses, Ben reached out, and with a confident
jerk, pulled Ray's shirt from his jeans, and slid his hands beneath it,
the palms of his hands heatedly stroking the firm, wiry muscles, the
surprisingly smooth skin. A thrum of wild, unleashed desire filled him
as he felt those nipples harden, peak at his explorations, soft moans
flowing from Ray's throat, vibrating through him as they kissed.
"God wanted you, wanted -this-" Ray murmured hoarsely into
his ear, the words causing small explosions to detonate within his soul,
as Ray's teeth nipped and worried his earlobe, sending another tremor
through him. He felt Ray's hands across his chest, opening his shirt,
pushing it away from his shoulders, as his lover drew back momentarily,
pleasure drunk blue eyes regarding his chest with nothing short of lascivious
hunger. *Oh dear, I had no idea, not even vaguely, that anything could
be as sensual, as erotic as -this-* Victoria had paled in comparison.
That warm mouth continued it's explorations, along the tendons in his
neck, sweeping across his shoulder, maddening him, his own hands continued
their unfettered exploration, molding themselves across the smooth expanse
of his lover's chest.
But they both needed, craved so much more. Somehow, together, moving
as one, they ended up at the foot of the bed, never once tearing their
attention from one another. Ben's breath caught then, and wanting, finally
to be joyfully consumed, he fell back on the bed, staring up at the lovely
man that was now lover, one hand outstretched to him. His heart leapt
as the color's in Kowalski's eyes shifted, tempests of raging desire
storming through them. He held out his hand, barely daring to breathe,
to hope.
In mere moments, Ray was beside him on the bed, fairly tearing off his
shirt, even as he was drawing Ray's soft tee shirt over his head. Both
were lost in the sensation of caresses, that learned, memorized each
inch of bare, uncovered skin. Fraser would never be sure of what he had
been expecting, but this.. this creature of unrelenting passion overwhelmed
him, flooded him with wanton sensation. Ray's mouth and lips were unleashing
trails of wildness in their wake as they traveled over his chest, licked
and sucked at his nipples, wrested abandoned moans from his melting depths.
Before long, they were divested of all the last physical barriers between
them, Each drinking in the sight of the other, learning by sight the
contours of each other's bodies, their hands following in enthusiastic
caresses.
Ben pushed his lover back into the bed, his own hunger a fiery rage building
within him, He wanted all of this luscious man, wanted to consume him,
be consumed. His mouth had a mind of his own, his lips blazing across
the smooth masculine skin, drinking in the taste that was so uniquely
-Ray-. Somewhere in his mind, he had to suppress a chuckle as a thought
rose unbidden to his mind amid the haze of arousal. *For once Ray is
not complaining about my habit of tasting things.*
He pressed firm, determined kisses across Ray's abdomen, and then his
tongue darted out, licking a slow, sensual path along the underside of
Ray's magnificent cock, before he closed his mouth around it, feeling
his lover's taught body arching beneath him. He could drown in this sensation,
Ray's trembling body, Ray's unabashed moans rising from him with the
rise and fall of his chest. He felt Ray's fingers twisting into his hair,
but nothing mattered at that moment, nothing but the taste and sensation
of the sensitive cock he was pleasuring so enthusiastically with his
mouth.
Ray's fingers tightened, his breath coming out as no more than gasps,
and Ben found himself surprised as Ray exherted pressure, drew him up
along his body, claimed his lips in a blazing kiss. Ben could only respond,
kissing him back in equal measure, before he felt himself pressed back,
once again, into the bed. His eyes drifted shut as that beautiful mouth
engulfed him, all of him, he felt as if he were going mad with the sheer
eroticism of it all. *So good, so much -more- then I had hoped.* Ray's
need, his lips, his tongue were driving him to a point of desperation
that he had never known existed. *I never imagined there could be want
like this, fulfillment such as this.* He felt elicit pressure building
inside of him, near climax, his lover's caressing lips, unrelenting.
Suddenly, the sensation waned, and his eyes opened. *Oh dear, perhaps
my lack of control has taken him aback, made him unsure.* He knew that
confusion lay unmasked in his eyes, there was nothing he could control
now, he was beyond that, lost on a sea of spiraling need and love. His
lover smiled then, a small gesture that set him to trembling, near violently,
so much glorious, and unrestrained wantonness echoed in Ray's eyes, etched
into his visage. He hesitated, "Ray?" He knew his voice was
riddled with both apprehension and confusion, he -needed- this, but what
if this was more then what his partner wanted with him?
His lover's eyes drifted shut then, and one small phrase, almost like
a prayer echoed through him, "Want you Ben.. all of you..please?"
He was certain his jaw must have dropped, his eyes drawn to the vein
throbbing again at Ray's temple, delicately, deliciously. He felt his
own erection surge almost painfully at the soft admission. *Oh God..
can he? Does he?*
Almost afraid of a dream, as if Ray would melt away like an illusion
created by his own thoughts, he offered hesitantly, disbeleivingly, "A..are..are
you certain Ray?"
"Yeah Ben, I've never been so certain of anything in my life. I
want this.. want you.. all of you." The timbre of Kowalski's voice
then was so rough, so interlaced with love and desire, that Ben could
scarcely breath, his heart was threatening to pound it's way through
his sternum, with each incremental increase of his arousal. *I can't
let him think about this, cannot allow his insecurities to surface, allow
apprehension and fear end this indescribable sweetness.*
Ben gently pressed Kowalski back into the bed, kissing him slowly, thoroughly,
one hand seeking out the small, sensitive spot between the cleft of Ray's
well muscled buttocks. He felt unleashed, unburdened at last, -this-
passion he could finally allow himself. This was Ray, -his- Ray, the
one being in all of the universe who would never selfishly take from
him, try and coerce him into giving up all that he was, would return
whatever was given in equal loving measure. He was enthralled.
His lover was twisting and moaning beneath him, his hips rocking shamelessly
against the two fingers that Ben had carefully worked inside of him,
stroking him, trying with every ounce of his being to enflame this creature
of emotion. It was trying every ounce of restraint Fraser had within
him, not to fall upon that revered body like a starving animal, vent
so many months of unrequited need upon him. *Never, only love. That is
what is between us, that is what fuels us, has always fueled us, bound
us together.*
Carefully, so carefully Ben acquiesced to the feelings he was awash in,
and slowly, with great care, inched his way inside of his lover, feeling
excruciatingly warm tightness encircling his now throbbing cock. For
several long heartbeats he remained still, watching his lover's face
relax, even as his body did beneath him, opening for him, inviting him
inside deliciously. He began to move then, slowly, steadily, as if all
that existed was this moment, and what lay beyond it. Ray's thrilling
gaze focused upon him again, sending flashes of heat through him, those
blue eyes darkened with hazy completion, soul bared to him. He felt Ray's
hand whisper along the contours of one of his arms, their hands met,
fingers laced, their clasped hands reverberating with the rhythm of their
bodies.
Ben shuddered, the noises rising from his lover were incredible, obscene,
stirring, nothing of his feelings withheld in them. It was all he could
do to cling to Ray, thrusting in slow fluid strokes. In those long wordless
minutes, he could feel his soul rising, mingling, wrapping itself around
the warmth of the giving soul that had grown to mean everything to him.
Forging a new understanding between them, then. One that pushed through
the boundaries of body and heart, a complete sharing of total beings.
It was the most beautiful thing that Fraser had ever witnessed, let along
engaged in. He felt himself climbing, climbing, and when his lover shuddered
beneath him, he followed, both of them screaming out harshly with their
climaxes.
Ben wasn't certain how much later it was, when he finally found his mind
again. *More then I have ever wanted, have imagined, perfect.* The thought
awed him. He settled onto his side, and tenderly pulled his lover into
his arms, felt Ray's tongue lick lightly across his neck, as the man
buried his head into the curve of his shoulder. *I always thought, assumed,
really, that love, in any form, had to hurt, to cause pain, and yet now,
with Ray, I know that there is love with only joy.*
His lips pressed gentle, loving kisses over Ray's forehead, for one long
moment, allowing his tongue to trace the outline of that delicate vein
in the blonde's forehead that enthralled him so very much. Ray's eyes
met his, and he was suddenly humbled by what he saw there. His own soul,
shining like a beacon, pure, free, was reflected back at him from this
arresting blue eyes. It moved him, more then any words ever could. He
placed his palm on Ray's chest, over his heart, thrilling at the rhythmic
tattoo beating beneath his fingertips. *Words have always failed me most
with those I love.* He mused, a strong resolve welling up within him,
-this- time the words would come, he knew they would.
He closed his eyes briefly, and jumped off that final precipice. "I
claim you, Stanley Raymond Kowalski. I love you. You are mine."
He felt freed by his own words, as if the curse of ice and coldness had
been melted away forever, banished by the warmth and love of Ray Kowalski.
"And I you, Ben, I have always been yours.." The words seared
him, completed him for the first time in his life. As he watched his
lover drift into sleep he couldn't help but think, *Thank you kindly,
my Ray. You, of all the people in my life, have freed me from the prison
of ice that Victoria encased me in, I will never leave you, because nothing
else in my life, can ever again, be this -right-.*