Author's webpage: http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Shuttle/9832

Disclaimer - Due South and its characters belong to Alliance. This story is slash - m/m - so all the normal warnings apply. It's not linked to any particular episodes and because I starting writing it purely for my own amusement it meanders a lot - so I apologise in advance, hope you like it.

FALLING IN LOVE by Lucy Britt

"Hey Frase are you coming?" Ray Kowalski aka Ray Vecchio was hanging out of his car window, craning his neck as he tried to see through an open window on the top floor of the apartment block he was parked outside of. It hadn't been hard to figure out which was Fraser's, only the Mountie would open his window when there was three inches of snow on the ground. "My apologies Ray." There he was, face half-covered with shaving foam and a razor clenched in his right hand as he leant out of the opening to smile at his friend. "I seem to be running a little behind this morning." Ray frowned, Fraser's time keeping was usually impeccable, you could set your watch by the guy, something must be really wrong if the Mountie was running behind schedule. "What's wrong Fraser? Is Diefenbaker ill?"

"No," Fraser looked momentarily confused, "Diefenbaker is just fine. Just give me five minutes." "Right Frase whatever you say." Fraser stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror and frowned, he hadn't liked lying to Ray but it had been necessary, ever since he had first set eyes on the slight blonde detective he had found himself watching his words. It wasn't that he didn't trust Stanley Raymond Kowalski, far from it in fact, but if he told the man what he felt - well who knew what fireworks might start flying and what he felt was... but his train of thought was interrupted by the honking horn of the car outside. Almost reluctantly Fraser applied the razor blade to his face, scraping away last night's beard growth. He dressed quickly, hands suddenly clumsy when it came to fastening buttons and buckles, he thrust his feet into long boots and grabbed his red serge jacket with one hand, his Stetson with the other, "Diefenbaker." But the wolf was already bounding down the stairs ahead of him, turning to bark once as if to say, 'what's keeping you?' "Finally," Ray rolled his eyes as Fraser climbed into the car. "You're going to be late for work." "I know Ray." Fraser was avoiding his gaze and Ray started the car before asking his question, "so who is she?" A quick glimpse of Fraser's reddened cheeks showed him that he'd hit the nail on the head and he struck the steering wheel in triumph, "I knew it!" "It's not a woman Ray." "Sure it is Frase, I know the signs."
"Ray while your hunches are generally correct I am afraid that in this instance you are mistaken." "The more you deny it the more I know it's true." Kowalski was grinning, it wasn't very often that he got the chance to tease the Mountie. "Come on Frase, what's she like?" "Ray I really don't think.."
"Okay, let's start with an easy one, what colour hair has she got?" Benton Fraser glanced at his friend squinting at the traffic around the car and knew he wouldn't give up, perhaps it was better to tell him what he wanted to hear. "Why don't you just tell him the truth?" Fraser Sr had materialised in the back of Ray's car and Diefenbaker greeted him with a small whine. "No," was Fraser's reply. "No what? Come on Frase, it can't hurt to tell me what she looks like." "So that's the line you've been feeding him," Fraser's father looked faintly disapproving. "Tell him the truth son before it's too late." Fraser glanced over his shoulder in irritation but his father had disappeared. "Earth to Fraser," Ray's blue eyes were twinkling with amusement as he drew up at a set of traffic lights. "My apologies Ray, what was it you wanted to know?"
"Jeez Frase, whoever she is she must be amazing. I've never known you to be so distracted." "She is," Fraser conceded with a faint smile, "she is amazing."
"You see, now was that so hard?" Ray smiled and reached out to hoot his horn irritably when he was cut up. "Ray.." But Kowalski cut off his friend's piece of advice with a repeat of his earlier question, "what colour hair Frase?" "Blonde," Fraser admitted unwillingly.
"Eyes?"
"Blue like the winter sky," Fraser was smiling and Ray grinned in response. "I can't believe someone's finally broken through that cool Mountie exterior, I'd like to shake her hand, whoever she is." Fraser shifted uncomfortably in the car seat, "I have no objections to walking to work." "Oh no you don't. I'm not letting you get away that easily." One hand on the steering wheel Ray stretched across to lock Fraser's door. The Mountie could feel his face reddening and his heart quicken a beat as his sensitive nose caught the scent of Ray's shampoo and the gel he used to spike his hair and it took him a considerable effort to stop himself from reaching out and touching the man's face. "So," Ray straightened up and turned the car down a side street, "what's her name?" "I would really rather not say," Fraser was looking distinctly uncomfortable. "You're in love with her aren't you?"
"Ray I don't think this is a suitable topic of conversation." Kowalski slammed his foot on the brake and his car slid to a halt barely yards from a very solid looking brick wall. "Ray I really think you should be a little more careful, perhaps you could.." "Shut up Frase." "You do realise that this unscheduled stop will make us both late for work." "We were late before we started," Ray reminded him, "a certain Mountie overslept remember?" "Ray I.."
"So do you love her?" Fraser refused to look Kowalski in the eye and the cop suddenly put two and two together. "You haven't told her have you? Jeez Frase, you're unbelievable." "Ray please just take me to the consulate."
The cop looked at his friend's forlorn face and took pity on him. "Okay." "Ray," after five minutes of awkward silence Fraser forced himself to speak, "this isn't the way to the consulate." "You're real smart Fraser. I've got to pop in at the precinct, you don't mind, seeing as how I'm already running late because of you." Ray felt slightly guilty, he knew Fraser wouldn't try to argue him out of stopping at work now but he had something he wanted to give Fraser and he didn't want to wait until the end of the day to do it. "Whatever you say Ray." The rest of the drive passed in uncharacteristic silence. Kowalski, for all intents and purposes concentrating on the road was wondering how he could persuade Fraser to open up about the woman he was so obviously obsessed with. Fraser on the other hand was furiously trying to work out the best way of preventing Kowalski from finding out the truth. He knew that if Ray did the two of them would not remain friends for very much longer and it was so hard, sitting here so close to the cop and yet knowing that to touch him would be suicide. Fraser could feel himself flushing and he fought to regain control of himself, no one else had ever managed to make him feel so unsure, except perhaps Victoria but he didn't want to think about her, didn't want to sully his feelings for Ray by comparing them to what he had felt for her. "Hey Frase! Get out of the car." Kowalski sounded almost angry and with an effort Fraser pulled himself back into the real world. "My apologies Ray." Kowalski grinned at him and Fraser's heart flipped over. "Ten minutes okay?" "Fine." Fraser seemed so distant and Ray felt a small worried frown creep across his face. "You know everything will be okay," Ray smiled his encouragement, "I'll even give you a few tips that'll make telling that goddess of yours how you feel a whole lot easier." Fraser nodded dumbly, what could he say to that? The precinct was as usual in what seemed like total uproar but brief silence fell when Ray and Benton entered and Francesca Vecchio swayed over to Fraser, a come-to-bed smile plastered across her face. Effortlessly, he'd had a lot of practice, Ray guided Fraser away from the precinct's most predatory female and pushed him down onto his own desk. "I've just got to file a couple of reports with Welsh, you can amuse yourself with this," Ray couldn't hide his smirk as he pulled open a drawer and pulled out a brightly coloured cube. "Thank you kindly Ray," Fraser accepted the gift but he was holding it as though it were about to explode. "What is it?" "You don't know?"
"I assume that it's some sort of ornament." "It's a Rubiks Cube Fraser. You mess up the colours and then try and put it back the way it was. Here," Ray took the cube from Fraser's unresisting hands, not noticing the Mountie's sharp intake of breath as their fingers brushed, "like this." "And you do this because..?" "It's a challenge Frase. I picked it up at a garage sale, I thought you might like it." Fraser accepted the cube back and tried not to show how touched he was by this simple gift. Ray had been thinking about him, cared enough about him to buy him this present. "Thank you." "Aw it was nothing," Ray smiled, "just enjoy it. Now," he had finally located his reports, "I'll just check in with Welsh." "You're late Detective," Welsh growled as Kowalski came into his office. "I've got those reports you wanted," Ray thrust the buff folders onto the already over-loaded desk and decided to ignore the reprimand. "Is there something else?" The young man shifted uneasily. "The Mountie's with you isn't he?" Ray nodded. "Take him to work." "Thank you sir."
Welsh sighed and stared after the scruffy man, it wouldn't hurt him to wear a suit and a tie for a change. "Frase you ready?" "I am indeed Ray."
Kowalski smiled and then he spotted the cube in Fraser's hands. "I meant you to play with that while I was in with Welsh, you know solve the puzzle." "I did," Fraser sounded a little miffed, "twice." "You're kidding me?"
"I assure you I'm not."
Of course Fraser was telling the truth, he always did. "Did you ever have a.."
"It's called a Rubiks Cube Frase and yeah I had one." "Did you ever complete it?"
"Now you're just rubbing salt into the wound." Kowalski grabbed the cube and tossed it over his shoulder. "What are you doing?" "Throwing it away."
Ray was frankly surprised when Fraser dived to retrieve his present and when the Mountie climbed to his feet his face was as red as the jacket he was wearing. "It was a present from.. from you." Fraser was stammering, he never stammered! "Frase are you all right?" "Yes. I'm late for work Ray," Fraser sounded apologetic, he realised that he had overreacted and that several people were now watching him with interest. "The consulate right," Ray glanced around as if he had forgotten something, "where's your wolf?" Diefenbaker was sitting by the car, slowly wagging his fluffy tail back and forth, he yawned when he saw the two men and scratched the car door impatiently. "Lay off the car Dief," Ray growled, "hey Frase can't you control him a little better?" Being in the close quarters of the GTO with Ray was torture but it was a torture that Fraser didn't want to end. "The Ice Queen's gonna be pissed," Kowalski commented as he pulled up outside the Canadian consulate. "An accurate prediction if a little crude," Fraser allowed, "thank you for the lift Ray." "You're welcome Frase. Want me to come and pick you up after work?" "Please."
"Good," Kowalski smiled at his friend, "I'll see you later, have a good day okay?" "And you," Fraser put his hat on and swung his legs out of the car, "heel Dief." Ray raised a hand in salute before driving away and Fraser watched him go with a strange longing burning in his eyes. It didn't last long however because Inspector Meg Thatcher was standing by the door, arms folded and Fraser doffed his hat politely. "Ma'am." "You're late Fraser." Thatcher's dark hair was scraped back severely and Fraser found himself quailing before her. "I realise that ma'am but since I am usually.."
She cut him off with an abrupt gesture. "Guard duty Fraser." Obediently the Mountie took up his position outside the consulate door, it was starting to snow, soft freezing flakes drifting down from a leaden sky and Fraser felt his thoughts turning inward until they came to Ray. His face relaxed and he started to pull the man's face into his mind's eye. he saw Ray with his glasses on, they gave him a vulnerability which was very appealing to the Mountie. Ray he knew was more than capable of looking after himself and those around him but there was always a look in his eyes that seemed to say, look after me, protect me. The Mountie almost groaned, he would be more than happy to spend the rest of his life protecting Ray Kowalski, in fact the only thing he had wanted to do for some time now was to smooth away the hurt in those blue eyes, the hurt that Stella, Ray's ex-wife, had put there and what had caused Ray pain caused him pain too, not least because he knew that Kowalski was still in love with Stella and probably always would be. "Why don't you try telling him how you feel?" Fraser Sr suggested from his seat on the snow-covered steps. "This is not the time," Fraser hissed through clenched teeth, "I'm at work." "What better time to discuss what's on your mind."
"Are you saying," unwillingly Fraser was beginning to relax his posture a little, "that you want me to tell Ray that I love him, that I've loved him since the first time I saw him?" "There are many different types of love Benton," Fraser Sr's gaze was direct, almost challenging, "you need to know what it is you feel for him." "Dad.." "Son you've been alone for a long time now, you need to be sure what you feel for the Yank or you could end up breaking his heart." "That's the last thing I want to do."
Fraser Sr stood up and brushed himself down, preparing to leave, "just don't leave it too long," and with those words of advice he vanished into the frigid air of the Chicago morning.

Ray Kowalski was busy with paperwork, it was the side of the job he hated most. There were folders and typed sheets of paper piled high on his desk and he just longed to shove them all off and... and what? There was nothing he could do to avoid this mountain, had already been avoiding it which was why it was as bad as it was. If only Fraser were here, he found himself wishing, the Mountie would have been able to find something else for him to do and he would have been ready for it as well, providing it didn't involve tasting anything. Ray smiled, the first time he'd seen Fraser do that he'd had difficulty believing his eyes but it was just part of Fraser's charm, just like the way he treated his wolf, as though he were another person, on a level with Fraser, the same way he treated Ray and although anyone else might have thought that comparison to a wolf should rankle, it didn't. In fact Ray was proud of it, it meant that he and Fraser were friends and that he was accorded the same trust and respect as Diefenbaker. Ray groaned though when his gaze fell back onto his desk. "Francesca can you get me some coffee?" There was another advantage of being friends with the Mountie, if anyone else had asked Francesca to fetch them coffee she would have lashed out with her razor sharp Italian tongue but not him. "Sure Ray," Francesca put a large cup down on his desk and asked hopefully, "will you be seeing Benton today?" "I'm taking him home after work," Ray acknowledged with a vague smirk, "would you like me to put in a good word for you?" "Please." Francesca's eyes were shining and Ray watched her walk away across the room, perhaps if things had been different, if she wasn't quite so hung up on the Mountie. No, Ray mentally shook his head, getting it on with his alter ego's sister probably wasn't ethical. Hell for all he knew in some states it might actually be illegal. Desperate to avoid making a start Ray dropped three candies into his coffee and stirred it with, for want of anything better, a broken pencil. He took a sip and grimaced, there were some occasions when he understood why Fraser never touched coffee. No more distractions presented themselves and so with a sigh Ray put on his glasses and opened a file, it was a case that Fraser had helped him to solve and he pushed it to one side, the Mountie's input would come in useful on this one and since the Mountie wasn't around.. "Detective," the voice was female and sadly unfamiliar, for the briefest of moments he had hoped it might be Stella come to see him and to beg him to take her back and despite everything that had happened he would have as well. "Detective Vecchio?" With a start Ray realised it was him they were calling for and he looked up straight into a pair of worried brown eyes. "My name's Veronica Lake," she wasted no time in introducing herself. She was stunning Kowalski realised as he half-rose to shake her hand, even with her long auburn hair bound in a plait, he wished now that he hadn't put his glasses on. "How can I help you?" Kowalski ignored the leers of fellow law-enforcers and rose to offer the woman a seat. "Such a little thing to bother you with," Veronica blushed and Kowalski found himself warming to her immediately. "Please ma'am if a crime's been committed we want to know about it," the words sounded so lame yet they brought forth the most radiant smile that the detective had ever seen. "My purse was snatched, just two blocks away," she smiled apologetically, "I wouldn't have thought to bother you except there were some rather important documents in it. I heard that you were the best Police officer this precinct has." Kowalski puffed up with pride. "Which is why I came to you, these documents are rather sensitive and I must get them back." "I'll certainly try ma'am." Kowalski smiled and pulled a blank piece of paper from a drawer, "did you get a close look at the man who stole your purse?" "It wasn't a man," Veronica leant forward and Kowalski found himself with an eyeful of cleavage, he was quite enjoying the view when Veronica's next words caught his attention. "It was a girl." "A girl?"
"Yes," Veronica twisted her fingers together, "quite well dressed actually, she shoved me to the ground, grabbed my purse and ran off." "Is there anything in particular you remember about her?" "She was small, that's why I was so surprised when she managed to knock me over. She had short blonde hair and she was wearing red jeans and a blue cashmere sweater." "Are you sure it was cashmere?" "Detective," Veronica laughed, "I know cashmere when I see it." "And what was in the purse?"
"Credit cards, keys, my make-up, the only important things were those documents, relating to a business I'm trying to set up." Kowalski took down all the details, when, where, how, the whole nine yards, finally something to get him away from the dreaded paperwork. "Thank you ma'am," Ray stood up and shook her hand, marvelling at how warm her fingers were, "you can leave this to us now." "Thank you Detective," there was a distinct purr to her voice and she pushed a small card into Ray's fingers. "Please, keep in touch," that was a definite come-on and Kowalski returned the look, not really caring if his colleagues saw or not. Once Veronica had gone Ray looked down at his notes, the first thing that had occurred to him was that the girl had needed money but Veronica said she had been wearing a cashmere sweater, not the usual uniform of the petty criminal. Well what then? Was it possible that the girl had been after the papers? Veronica had said that she'd been on her way to see her lawyer and that she had told no one where she was going. Ray frowned, his fingers were cramped from writing and he stretched them until the joints cracked, glancing up he saw the clock, eleven thirty, perhaps he could persuade Fraser to take an early lunch. Kowalski leapt to his feet, pushed the notes he had made into the back pocket of his jeans and grabbed his gun. "Tell Welsh I'm going out," he called to Francesca not waiting for her nod. He made it to the consulate in record time, given the number of red traffic lights there had been and when he saw Fraser standing stiffly to attention he grinned, surely it wouldn't be that hard to persuade the Mountie to come to lunch. "Frase!"
It was Ray. Fraser froze, not knowing whether he was happy to see his friend or not, the man looked energised and Fraser could feel his desire waiting to burst forth. "It's time for lunch Fraser, come on I'm buying." "It's not lunch time," the Mountie corrected, eyes staring straight ahead. "As good as," Ray countered, "it's got to be better than standing outside in the cold." "I couldn't possibly leave my post." "Aw don't give me that Fraser, I've got a case I need your help on." "Nevertheless Ray.."
Kowalski interrupted him, "if you needed my help I'd drop everything in a second." That was most certainly true and granted Thatcher was already mad at him for his late arrival but did any of that really justify leaving his post, his sworn duty. Fraser was just about to explain this to Ray when he caught sight of the hang-dog expression on his friend's face and his heart melted. "Very well Ray, I suppose half an hour won't hurt." Kowalski's smile was radiant and he flung a companionable arm around the Canadian's shoulders, "I know this great little deli." Fraser knew his heart was beating too fast, that his breathing had quickened and he was suddenly very aware of the cop's body next to his. Ray explained the case as they walked, something that Fraser was very glad of because it enabled him to concentrate on something other than Ray's scent. When they were seated opposite each other in the deli Fraser began to ask questions. "She didn't recognise the girl who stole her purse?" "No."
"What did Veronica look like?"
"Jeez Frase, what has that got to do with anything?" "Please Ray, indulge me." Fraser listened in silence while Ray described the woman in great detail. "You say she told you that this girl knocked her over?" "Yeah that's right."
"Hmm," Fraser looked thoughtful, "while I am not saying that this girl didn't knock Ms Lake over, size is not always an accurate indication of strength, I am wondering.. your description of her was accurate?" "Yes."
"And she came straight to you after the incident?" "Yes."
"She didn't stop anywhere first?"
"No. She seemed pretty shaken up."
"Did you notice her panty hose?"
"I beg your pardon?" Kowalski was shocked by the question. "Was it laddered or torn in any way?"
"No. Why all these questions?"
"Well you see," Fraser settled back a little in his chair and turned his cool blue eyes on Ray, "if Ms Lake had been pushed to the ground as she stated one would normally expect the result to be a somewhat disordered appearance and yet you say she looked immaculate." "Well I.. You're not trying to suggest that she lied to me?" "All I am trying to do is to ascertain the facts." "But why would she lie about her purse being snatched? It doesn't make any sense." "I suggest you ring her, perhaps ask a few more questions." Fraser wished he could have been of more help.

Ray didn't wait to get back to the precinct to call Veronica, he called her from a pay phone only yards from where Fraser was standing rigidly to attention and suggested that they go out to dinner. "Yes!" Kowalski danced around in triumph before racing across the road to his car. He wasn't close enough to see the sad expression on Fraser's face or the way those blue eyes followed his car as he sped away. In fact Ray noticed very little for the rest of the day, not the knowing looks that Francesca was giving him or the dirty ones Lieutenant Welsh was giving him, even his paperwork seemed to have disappeared. All he could think about was that tonight he had a date with one of the most desirable woman he had ever seen. Ray didn't even notice Fraser's uncharacteristic silence as they drove back through the darkened streets to Fraser's apartment. "I have a day off tomorrow Ray so I won't be needing a lift." "Okay Frase, hope you enjoy it while I'm cooped up at work." Kowalski grinned and backed his car away from Fraser. The man was obviously eager for his date the Mountie realised with a sinking heart.

Ray's date with Veronica went very well indeed, she laughed at all his stupid jokes and when he tried to bring up the subject of the purse snatching insisted that she'd much rather talk about him and he told her everything. So that was how it was all evening and if Ray ever found himself wondering if perhaps she was a little too eager to avoid discussing the crime he pushed it away instantly and concentrated instead on the way her eyes sparkled when she laughed. Veronica ended up taking a cab home and Kowalski was impressed. She had made it clear that she was interested but sex on a first date had never really appealed to him, not unless he had no real interest in the woman. He had, he realised, as he wandered home, got none of the answers he had wanted, but he didn't care, it had been nice to forget he was a cop who saw motives and suspicion everywhere for just one night. He was so sure that he would dream about Veronica that night but when he closed his eyes and sleapt, too exhausted to even make it to his bed, he saw Fraser, eyes closed in escsasty, shrieking Ray's name over and over again as he came. Ray sat up suddenly, why was he on the couch? Then he remembered his dream and was instantly bathed in a cold sweat, why had he been thinking of Fraser like that? He groaned and shook his head, the dream might as well have been a nightmare considering the way he felt and when next he dreamt he woke up screaming.

It was a very tired and troubled Kowalski who stumbled into work the next morning, not even the sight of a steaming cup of coffee and a jelly doughnut on his desk could make him smile. "Veronica called," Francesca came over to his desk, "she says she'll pop in later." "Spit it out Fran," Kowalski could see there was something else on the woman's mind. "Have you seen Fraser today?"
"It's his day off," Ray replied a little too sharply. Jeez who would have thought a dream could have got to him like this but what a dream! He had never before thought of Fraser like that, was it possible.. no! Even the shadow of the thought made him shake. "Are you okay?" It was Welsh and Ray grimaced.
"I'm fine sir."
"Good, get some work done."
Kowalski frowned, work was the last thing he felt like doing but what choice did he have?

Fraser was in his apartment dressed in plaid shirt and blue jeans, he was pacing nervously, Diefenbaker watching. There was something about Ray's latest case that troubled him but he couldn't quite work it out, he sighed and put a hand to his head, he had dreamt about Ray again last night but it had been like watching from across a gulf and when Ray had started screaming there had been absolutely nothing that Fraser could do about it, in a strange way it had been like watching someone else's dream. "He's a sensitive young man."
"Dad!"
"It is possible to see into someone else's thoughts you know." "What are you talking about?"
"Son you've spent months yearning for the Yank but yesterday something triggered him off, in some subconscious level he's aware of how you feel about him." "Dad I.."
Fraser Sr held up a hand, "he's aware of how you feel and it terrifies him." "How can you know this?"
"I saw his dreams last night, so did you." "That's not possible."
"There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy Benton." "Shakespeare? Dad!" "I'm just trying to make my point," the ghost looked at his son with pity in his eyes, "yes he's terrified but that doesn't mean he'll reject you." "You can't know that."
"Son when you've lived as long as I have there's precious little you don't know." "You're dead."
"My point exactly."
Fraser sighed and resumed his pacing.
"You're making me dizzy," Fraser Sr complained. "Why don't you go and see him?" "He's at work Dad."
"That's never stopped you in the past." Fraser halted, his father was right, perhaps seeing Ray was just what he needed.

Fraser walked to the 27th Precinct, he had left Diefenbaker behind in his apartment, didn't want the wolf there being a distraction while he talked to Ray. However the closer he got the slower he walked, Fraser was having doubts. What excuse could he give for turning up unannounced? He could say he'd had an idea about Ray's case even though he hadn't or that he had come to see Francesca, that would please her. Fraser frowned, they were lies and he didn't lie. Although that was, he realised, no longer strictly true. Since coming to Chicago he had found that Americans told lies every day, about everything. He had done his best to remain honourable but when Detective Kowalski had erupted into his life he had found himself harbouring a secret, a secret he had been forced to protect with lies. Perhaps I should just see how things go, seize the moment, live a little, wasn't that what Ray was always telling him to do? Fraser allowed himself a small smile, glad that he had made a decision. He'd talk to Ray and perhaps even broach the subject of his feelings for the slight detective. He could feel an unfamiliar fluttering in his stomach but he didn't fight it, it was actually vaguely enjoyable. Then he saw them, Ray and Veronica Lake arm in arm and laughing with an intimacy that Fraser could only dream about. His stomach rising into his mouth Fraser stepped into a doorway so Ray wouldn't see him, he was totally taken aback by the look of sheer happiness on Ray's face, he had once hoped that he would be the one responsible for that look and as he watched the couple walk away all his dreams shattered into a million pieces. The handsome Mountie stood in the doorway close to tears for what seemed like years but then he turned. No point in going to the precinct now but he didn't want to go home, perhaps he could seek sanctuary at the consulate. Part way there Fraser had halted to cross the street when he saw a girl overburdened with folders and his natural gallantry stepped in. "May I help you ma'am?"
The petite blonde looked at him with withering scorn and asked, "are you some kind of weirdo?" "No ma'am I'm a Mountie. Benton Fraser RCMP." She laughed at that and let him help her and as Fraser took the folders from her he couldn't help noticing that she was wearing a blue cashmere sweater. "Excuse me but I couldn't help noticing your sweater." "It's nice isn't it? It was a present from my Grandmother, she said if I was going to live in the windy city I'd need something to keep me warm." "Ah," Fraser nodded vaguely and noticed the hopeful look in the girl's eyes. What was it Ray had once told him, that he was irresistible to the opposite sex? Fraser didn't believe that but he did wonder if perhaps it might be expedient to question the girl further. "Would you like to have a coffee with me?" He had heard Ray use the line before and he wasn't sure that it would work but the girl turned on her most radiant smile and said that yes she would love to have a coffee. "Good, it's this way." He took her to a coffee shop he had visited once with Ray, it was the only one he knew of. "My name's Emma," she informed him as they seated themselves in a small booth. "Do you live around here?" "No," she looked up at him, "but I work round here or at least I used to." "You left your job?"
"No," Emma shook her head and started to explain, "I worked for my father, he runs a small printing and photocopying business but he's being forced out." "Forced out?"
"Out of business. There's some big firm, real estate or something, they're forcing everyone to sell up." "So at least your father will have some money."
"You don't understand Ben, they're driving the neighbourhood down, chasing people away so they won't have to pay as much for the land." "Oh." "They're intimidating people left, right and centre, one of our neighbours' shops was burned to the ground because he refused to sell, now he has nothing." Fraser frowned, he was beginning to suspect the truth about Veronica Lake. "So is that why you ran off with Ms Lake's purse?" Emma looked startled, ready to bolt and Fraser put a hand on her arm. "There's no need to be alarmed." "It was in her car, she'd gone to pay for gas and I grabbed it. I knew who she was, thought maybe if I could get some evidence of what she was up to I could go to the Police." "What was in her purse?"
"Deeds for the properties she's already bought, contracts of sale for others including my father's but everything's above board." "Ms Lake told Detective Vecchio that her purse had been snatched from her on the street, why would she do that?" Emma shrugged, "no idea, sorry." Fraser downed his cup of tea and stood up, "is there a way I can contact you?" Hands shaking Emma scribbled down a phone number. "Thank you kindly, I'll be in touch." Then the Mountie was gone, leaving Emma staring blissfully off into space, all her worries momentarily forgotten.

Fraser headed back to the 27th, he had almost forgotten seeing Ray and Veronica together but just because it hurt didn't mean he could avoid the situation. "Benton!" Francesca was the last person he felt like seeing and he turned to leave but it was already too late, with one possessive hand on his arm she dragged him further into the building. "So Benton what brings you here?"
"Actually I was looking for Ray. Is he here?" "No but I'll keep you company until he gets back. He went out with Veronica Lake," Francesca lowered her voice confidentially, "they could be some time you know." Fraser wanted to scream but as usual he controlled his feelings and turned on his blandest smile, "perhaps I could trouble you for a cup of tea?" "Of course Benton, you just wait here." Francesca had seated him at Ray's desk he noted with a pang. The piles of paper however made him smile, Ray was as disorganised as it was possible for a cop to be. A scrap of paper was half lost on the edge of the desk and Fraser's hand closed over it. 'Beers with Frase?' it read and he smiled again, that question mark reeked of poignancy, he knew that Kowalski was concerned that he and Fraser were not as close as Fraser had been with Vecchio, if only he knew how much closer I want to be. Fraser frowned, of course that was part of the problem, his longing to enfold Ray in his arms and tell him that he loved him, not as a friend or a brother but with a passion that burned so brightly he was amazed that no one could see it, had driven them further apart. Someone had once said that the path of true love never ran smooth, they could have been talking about me, Fraser reflected glumly. "There's nothing quite like a nice cup of tea is there?" Francesca was at his side again and Fraser smiled vaguely. "Perhaps I could leave a note for Ray," Fraser was looking around for a pencil. "You said you thought he was going to be a while." Her eyes flickered desperately. "Well I could be wrong, I think he asked Veronica to show him where her purse was taken." That reminded Fraser why he had come. "I think I can wait a little longer." "Great," Fran settled herself down on the edge of Ray's desk. "Maybe you could tell me one of those Eskimo stories." "It's Innuit," Fraser explained trying hard to come up with an excuse when it walked in the door. "Ray!" "Hey Frase," Veronica wasn't with him. "I didn't expect to see you today." "No, well I was passing and thought I'd drop by." Was that a note of tension in Fraser's voice? No it couldn't be. "It's good to see you Frase," Kowalski dug the notebook out of his back pocket and tossed it down amidst the chaos. "You came here for a reason didn't you?" Ray grinned. "Don't get me wrong I've not come over all intuitive but I've never known you not to have a reason." "You are correct Ray," Fraser could say the words in his head but he couldn't ever imagine saying them out loud, I did have a reason for coming here, I wanted to tell you how much I love you, how I've always loved you, how it's only you who can repair the ruin that is my heart. But of course he didn't say that, instead, "I've found something out about Veronica I thought you might be interested in." "Spit it out Frase."
"I.. I don't think you're going to like it Ray." Kowalski sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "Closet," he suggested. "I beg your pardon?"
"Isn't that what you and he used to do every time you had something private to discuss? Frannie?" Ray appealed to the woman. "Yep." "Very well," Fraser stood, walked to the closet and pulled open the door. "After you Ray." "No after you."
"Thank you kindly."
Being enclosed in the small dark space wasn't the easiest thing for either man. Ray was just the tiniest bit claustrophobic, although he'd never admit it to anyone, and he found himself fighting to control his panic. Fraser too was panicked, though for a different reason. Standing this close to Ray, the man's scent was overwhelming and he fought to stay focused, to remember exactly why he and his friend were confined like this. "What is it Fraser? What did you find out?" "Veronica Lake is a crook. She's buying up property in Chicago." "There's no law against that."
"If anyone refuses to sell she threatens them until they do." "How do you know all this, some sort of sixth-Mountie sense?" "I met the purse-snatcher today."
"You what? Did you bring her in?"
"No," Fraser replied calmly, "while Emma did.." "Hold it Frase. Her name's Emma, what else do you know about her?" "I have her phone number."
"Only you Frase."
"I'm not quite sure I understand what you mean by that comment Ray, but to return to my point Emma told me that she took the purse from Ms Lake's car." "That's not true."
"It depends on whose story you believe." "It's crazy Fraser. Why would Veronica say her purse was snatched on the street when it was taken from her car and if she's intimidating people why don't they come to us?" "They're scared Ray. There has to be something else going on here." The Mountie fell into silence and now all Kowalski could hear was the beating of his own heart. "Fraser!" He couldn't help it, the words were an anguished wail and suddenly he found himself clinging onto the Mountie's jacket with both hands. Fraser had frozen, Kowalski's face was tantalisingly close to his own, he could feel Ray's breath on his face and he fought a sudden urge to kiss the man. "Are you all right Ray?"
"Claustra.. claustra.." Ray was gasping, caught up in one of the most severe panic attacks he had ever experienced. Fraser was relieved, the moment of madness was over and so he kicked the closet door open and let Ray tumble out, he then pushed Kowalski firmly into a chair and forced his head down between his knees. Ray struggled and Fraser exerted a little more pressure. "Breathe Ray, that's right breathe." Kowalski reached out and grabbed Fraser's leg, it was like grabbing a tree trunk. "Thank you." "If you like we could return to our conversation." "Okay," Ray held up a hand, "there are only two things I've got to say to you, one Veronica's not a criminal and two I'm not getting back in that closet." "Understood," Fraser's eyes were thoughtful. Kowalski groaned, "what now?"
"I wondered if I might have access to your computer system. There's something about Ms Lake that troubles me." "Be my guest Frase but you're not gonna find anything."
"That may be so Ray but I should look anyway." "All right but if it turns out she is a criminal I'll buy a bone for Diefenbaker every day for the next month." "And if I'm wrong?" "You tell that mystery woman of yours exactly how you feel about her. Deal?" "Deal." They shook hands solemnly.

Fraser was suddenly aware of how late it was, Ray's shift had long since finished and the detective had left, Lieutenant Welsh too had gone after numerous caustic remarks about Fraser having nothing better to do, only Frannie had hung on and she looked about ready to drop where she stood. He hadn't yet found what he was looking for and could have stayed up all night but he realised with a sigh that if he didn't leave she wouldn't either. "I think that's enough for one day," Fraser flicked off the computer and picked up his hat. "Goodnight Francesca." And with that he disappeared into the night.

It was midnight by the time he got back to his apartment and Diefenbaker refused to even acknowledge his presence. Fraser knew there was no point in arguing with the wolf but not even the extra large supper he served Dief could persuade the wolf to look at him. "Ingrate." Fraser strode across the apartment, shedding his clothes as he went and pausing to yank open a window. He had just pulled on his red pyjamas when his sharp ears picked up the sound of someone stumbling about below his window, he leant out but there was no discernible shape out there. Now stumbling footsteps were coming up the stairs and despite his state of undress Fraser pulled his door open, picking up the scent of alcohol long before Ray came stumbling up to him. "Hey Frase," he had a wine bottle in one hand and his trench coat was smeared with mud and snow where he had fallen. "Ray you've been drinking."
"You like stating the obvious don't you." Ray stumbled then and Fraser had to step forward to catch him. The wine splashed from the bottle soaking Fraser's feet but he didn't complain, simply slung Ray across his shoulders and carried him into the apartment. "Why Ray?" Fraser lowered Kowalski down onto his bed and then helped him into a sitting position. "Frase, you know how it is, everyone's got to have a blow out once in a while." "Blow out?"
"Yeah you know, go out, get drunk, party with your friends. Hey nice apartment Frase." "Thank you Ray," he smiled down at Kowalski before walking into the other room. When he returned Ray was flat on his back, blue eyes staring at the ceiling and he was laughing. "Here," Fraser pulled Ray up and wrapped an arm around his shoulders to steady him, "drink this." "What is it?"
"Water."
"Don't want water, want wine."
"You spilt it," Fraser tried to manoeuvre the glass to Ray's lips but the cop pushed it away with an unsteady hand. "Beer?" He looked up at Fraser with bloodshot eyes.
"I don't drink Ray as you well know."
"Don't you.. don't you ever have anyone over who drinks?" "No," Fraser replied simply, "drink the water Ray." Kowalski pouted but he did at least drain the glass. "Now I suggest some sleep might.."
"Don't wanna sleep," Ray stood up, swaying a little, "I want to dance. Got any music?" "I have an old radio set." "Good. Put it on Fraser then come dance with me. I know you dance." Ray started to move his body about even before Fraser had switched his radio on. The Mountie watched his friend dance, surprised at how graceful the man was, even when drunk, his wiry body swaying in time to the beat. Fraser swallowed nervously, Ray had never looked more desirable but he held himself back, if something happened tonight, here in this apartment he would never know whether or not it was just the drink talking. "Dance with me Frase." Unwittingly Fraser stepped forward and Ray smiled at him, "do you waltz?" The man's arms encircled Fraser's waist and he leant his body against the Mountie's. Fraser, held his breath as he danced with his friend, he could feel an erection growing and knew it wouldn't be too much longer before Ray noticed. There it was, that look of vague confusion, the look that Fraser had dreaded but Ray kept dancing and because he didn't loosen his hold on Fraser's waist the Mountie kept dancing as well. They danced for what seemed like an eternity before Ray flopped down onto the bed. "I'm tired Fraser." "You should get some sleep," Fraser sank down next to Kowalski and began to unlace the man's shoes. "You like me don't you Frase?" "Of course I like you. You're my partner, my friend, " oh but he wished he could add the words my lover. "It's just sometimes," here it came, the worries that dogged Kowalski every minute he was with the Mountie, "well I'm no substitute for Vecchio." You're so much more, Fraser found himself wanting to say, I never felt about Ray Vecchio the way I do about you, he never made my heart skip a beat just by coming into a room, he never sought me out the way you do, never came to me with his problems like you do, never made me feel as wanted as you do but he couldn't say any of that so instead he just smiled and said, "Ray Kowalski you are a true friend." "Good," Kowalski began to laugh again and didn't protest when Fraser pulled off his shirt and his pants and pulled a blanket over him. "Frase?"
"Yes," Fraser was laying out his bed roll although he was sure he wouldn't be able to sleep with Ray lying so close. "Thank you." "You're welcome Ray, sweet dreams."
"You too Frase."
Fraser doused his hurricane lantern and looked down at Kowalski's features softly illuminated by the moonlight, then in deference to his unexpected guest he closed his bedroom window and pulled the curtains across, shutting out the night. As he settled down he heard Ray mutter something under his breath. Fraser lay flat on his back and listened while Ray's breathing deepened and slowed and then he too fell asleep. He awoke to the sound of screaming, it was an almost unearthly sound, pitched a couple of octaves higher than Ray's normal speaking voice. "Ray?" Concerned Fraser pulled himself up onto the bed but his friend didn't hear his gentle concern, he was still caught up in sleep. "Ray." Gently Fraser shook him awake, his arms slipping around the man as he waited for the night terrors to subside. "Fraser." Kowalski clutched at his friend. "It's all right Ray, I'm here." Fraser pulled Ray's head down until it was resting on his chest, then he started to rock the man crooning a lullaby. "It's an old Innuit lullaby," he replied, answering Ray's unspoken question. "It's reputed to have the power to drive away bad dreams and help promote sleep." "Does it work?"
Fraser considered the question. He had lost count of the number of times he had fallen asleep with the magical words on his lips and he had always sleapt better for it. "Yes Ray, I believe it does," but when he made to release his friend Ray held onto him even tighter than before. Fraser could barely suppress a groan, Ray's chest was pressing against his, he could feel every contour of the man's body next to his and slowly he raised one hand and began to rub it slowly across the man's chest. When Kowalski spoke his voice was a croak, "is this an old Innuit tradition as well?" "No," Fraser shook his head, "I'm just doing this because it feels good." Ray's eyes opened wide but despite the fear flickering in their cool depths he didn't pull away. Fraser continued his caresses and then growing bolder he began to move his hand downward. He felt it at once, felt Kowalski stiffen as though he had just been turned into stone and he removed his hand with a murmured apology. "I can't.." Ray avoided Fraser's gaze, "I can't do that." "It's all right Ray, I understand," but Fraser's eyes were full of hurt but when he made to return to the floor Ray stopped him. "Please Frase stay with me," there was a tremor of fear in his voice and Fraser nodded slowly. He waited until Ray was comfortably sprawled on the bed and then he curled his arms and legs around his warm body and fell asleep.

Kowalski's first thought on waking was to wonder why there was a heavy weight on top of him, then he opened his eyes and saw it was Fraser. Oh my.. Ray put a hand to his head and it was then he realised just how bad his hangover actually was. "Morning Ray," Fraser's blue eyes looked down warmly into his but the Mountie made no attempt to move. "Fraser," Ray forced enough air into his lungs to enable him to speak, "have you got any painkillers?" He gasped with relief when Fraser climbed off him and padded away into the bathroom. The memories of last night were a little hazy but what he could remember scared him, had he really allowed Fraser to hold him like that, to touch him like that? It had felt nice but at the same time had scared him witless. He had never thought of Fraser like that before, had never allowed himself to think of Fraser like that. "Last night," Ray croaked as Fraser handed him a glass of water and two small white tablets, "did that really happen?" "Yes Ray." Ray acted like Fraser hadn't spoken. "Only I wouldn't want you to think that I get that drunk every night." "I don't." "Good," Kowalski squinted up at Fraser and went to stand up but when he realised he was clad only in a pair of boxers he sank back down again. "What else do you remember Ray?" Fraser didn't really want to talk about last night but he had to, ignoring what had happened would only drive a wedge between them. "I don't want to talk about it." Ray's face closed up and Fraser tried again. "What do you remember?" "I had a dream, a nightmare. When I woke up you were holding me, it.. it felt nice." "But you pulled away from me." "It's complicated Frase, I can't do the things that you would want me to." "Is it because you don't find me attractive?" "Jeez Frase, you're the most attractive man I've ever met. You're top of my men I must sleep with list, hell you're the only man I could ever imagine being with." "And that's good?" The Mountie sounded so damn unsure of himself that Ray, despite his fears, reached out and took his hands. "There is no woman is there Frase? It was me you were describing the other day, wasn't it? Me who's got you so distracted that you'd actually consider turning up late for work?" Fraser nodded, this wasn't how he had imagined telling the tough detective how he felt but he supposed it was at least a start. "Ben," Ray's use of his first name made his insides warm but that feeling was taken away again by the cop's next words, "I wish I could tell you that I feel the same way. I wish I could stretch over and kiss you and that we'd spend the rest of the day making love in your bed." Fraser's throat was dry, "you don't feel the same way?"
"That's the problem Fraser I think I do." The Mountie opened his mouth but Ray stopped him. "I have no idea what it feels like when you love a man but what I felt for Stella.. ah.. I do love you." Fraser wanted to say a million things in response to that but he was suddenly incapable of forming coherent sentences. "It's just.. there are things you don't know about me Fraser."
"You can tell me."
"You couldn't handle it."
The Mountie looked as if he had been slapped in the face. "Ray I love you." There was a look of immeasurable grief on Ray's face. "That's what Stella said before I told her and it ended up driving us apart." "Ray.." "No Frase, I'm not going to risk our friendship like that. I nearly died when Stella left me, I don't think I could stand it if you left me as well." "I would never do that," but Fraser could see that Ray didn't believe him and that the pain in his eyes was stronger than ever. "I can't tell you Fraser. I've never met anyone who could handle the truth." He paused, looked up at Fraser and tried to smile, "but we're still friends right?" "Of course."
"Good. Now then Fraser, what's for breakfast? I'm starving." Fraser smiled at Kowalski's sudden mood change. Ray's mercurial temperament had been difficult to cope with at first but Fraser was used to it by now, even liked it. As he searched his fridge for food and started the bacon cooking he found his thoughts turning to Victoria - the only woman he had ever loved. She too hadn't trusted him, not fully, even though he'd been prepared to sacrifice everything for her, his job, his values, his friendship with Ray Vecchio, even Diefenbaker. Fraser paused and leant his head against the window, would he do all that for Ray? Could he in an instant turn his back on everything he knew for the man he loved? Yes, he realised he could, but then he remembered with a sinking heart that Ray didn't want him. Diefenbaker seemed to sense his unhappiness and pushed his nose against the Mountie's legs. "Morning Dief," Fraser gave the wolf a piece of bacon and a solemn pat on the head. "Fraser," it was Ray, fully dressed although his feet were bare, "how are you?" "I'll live," he smiled and holding his breath reached out to ruffle Ray's disordered blonde hair. "Tell me about Victoria." A look of intense pain flitted across Fraser's face and he turned away, putting food onto plates. "What do you know about her?" "Not much. I know she shot Diefenbaker and that Vecchio shot you when she was trying to escape. Do you wish you were with her now?" "Ray," Fraser smiled, "this morning I told you I loved you and even though you said what you said I don't want to be anywhere else but here, with you." Ray swallowed nervously, "Frase.."
"There's no need to explain."
The two friends looked at each other and Fraser realised that his words had, as he'd feared, driven a wedge between them, Ray's eyes were secretive, so unlike the usual openness of the cop. "Veronica cancelled our date last night," Ray looked up straight into Fraser's startled blue eyes. "Did you find anything yesterday?" "No." "I'll help you look," Ray promised, "there is something strange going on here, it's just a hunch but.." "Your instincts, as I think I've pointed out in the past, are generally correct." Fraser smiled, he had wondered whether he was doing the right thing in telling Ray his real feelings and still wasn't sure but last night the man had seemed so vulnerable, whatever it was that Ray wouldn't tell him about must be truly terrible, but he told me he loved me, Fraser smiled, he'll open up to me eventually. "Hey Frase are you okay?"
"I'm fine, thank you kindly." Fraser considered something for a moment, "where's your car?" "It's parked around the corner." "You drove here?"
Kowalski could hear the disapproval in his friend's voice, "don't give me a lecture Frase." "Drink driving is a serious offence." "Okay Frase you can read me chapter and verse of that particular law later. We've got a mystery to solve remember?" "Understood." Was that a look of relief on Fraser's face, he had no idea. All he did know was that it must have taken a lot for the cool and collected Mountie to admit his true feelings. "You know Fraser," Ray put a hand on the man's bare arm, letting it linger just a little longer than was necessary, "I'm glad we're friends." The radiant smile he received in return was more than enough to compensate him for the tremor of fear that had shaken him when his fingers had made contact with Fraser's bare flesh. He's my friend, my partner, Ray reminded himself sternly, he would never do anything to hurt me. "Just let me get dressed." Fraser turned to go back to his bedroom and Ray shouted after him. "What about the Ice Queen? Don't you have to check in with her or something?" "Not necessary, I took the precaution of taking a few days leave." "Precaution?" "Yes Ray, I wanted to make sure I would be available if you needed my assistance. "Oh," that was all Ray said but Fraser could hear the appreciation behind that single syllable. "Think nothing of it Ray."

Everyone looked up when the two men, blonde and dark, walked into the 27th, there was an air of palpable tension between them and Frannie, wearing the shortest leather skirt Ray had ever seen, looked at them curiously. Fraser soon found what he was looking for and he called Ray over to his side. "That's Veronica."
"Wrong. It is in fact Mary Reilly, she was arrested five years ago on charges of extortion and intimidation but the charges had to be dropped because no one was willing to testify against her." "So pretty much what she's doing now," Ray nodded grimly, "I'll go and talk to her." Then the phone rang, "Vecchio." Ray listened without twitching a muscle. "I'll be there." Then he turned to Fraser, "apparently your little friend Emma has managed to persuade her father to talk to us. They want to meet with me." "When?"
"In an hour. Are you going to come with me?" Fraser nodded thoughtfully, "I believe I will."

The shop was deserted, almost eerily quiet and Ray fought hard to quell the apprehension rising in his stomach. "This is Emma's father's shop?" Half a step behind Fraser spoke first. "That's where he said he wanted to meet."
Fraser nodded, "I think we've been mislead Ray. There aren't enough power points in here for it to have been used for printing, also Emma told me her father was only recently driven out of business." "So he took his equipment out in a hurry."
"Ray, notice the dust on the floor, this building hasn't been occupied for at least eight months." Just at that moment a stentorian voice bellowed out, "stand still." Ray glanced around to see that there were four burly men approaching from the back of the shop, two more from the front and the slight detective gulped nervously. "Throw your gun over here." There was a flash of metal in one pair of hands and Ray tossed his gun away. Then they were on him, three of the men had Fraser by the arms and Ray howled at them, "leave him alone you bastards." The reply froze the blood in his veins, "it's not him we came here for," the speaker stepped forward and raised his fists, "we're here to make sure you keep away from Veronica." Ray didn't have time to protest before the thugs were on him, punching him brutally to the ground and he couldn't remember anything else. In fact the next thing he was aware of was a pair of gentle hands lifting his bruised head and of compassionate blue eyes looking down at him. "I'm sorry."
"What are you apologising for Fraser?"
"I failed to protect you."
"What could you have done? There were too many of them." "I should have done something."
Ray tried to smile but winced instead, "don't make me have to hit you Fraser." "I think we should go to the hospital." "No!" Ray was adamant, "how bad can it be?" "Well," Fraser sat back on his heels, "your face is badly bruised, you may have lost a tooth," he paused and ran his hands across Ray's chest but with concern this time not desire, "I think you may have cracked a couple of ribs and there could be some internal bleeding." "Great," Ray closed his eyes and let his head fall back onto Fraser's lap. "I'd really like to pass out now." "Ah," Fraser titled his head to one side, "I believe help is on the way." Help turned out to be detectives Huey and Duey and for once Ray was pleased to see them. "We were told there was a break-in," Huey said, bending forward to get a closer look at Ray's battered face. "How do I look?"
"Your own mother wouldn't recognise you." "We were lured here," Fraser told them, "three men held me while Ray was beaten up." "Descriptions?"
"They were your usual thugs for hire," Ray muttered sourly, "they'll be miles away by now." Duey shook his head, "we should get you to a hospital." "Thanks but I'm fine," Ray pulled himself upright and hissed through his teeth, "see?" Fraser who had stood up with him grabbed his hand as the man wavered on his feet. "Frase I'm fine," he yanked his hand away from the Mountie, very conscious of the two detectives who were there. Then, with a groan of realisation, Ray felt his legs giving way and he tumbled back onto the floor. Huey and Duey exchanged looks with Fraser and the three of them simultaneously reached down to haul Ray to his feet. "Hospital," they chorused as one and dragged Ray to the door.

After an hour in the ER Ray was getting increasingly restless, the wave of dizziness had passed and apart from the pain when he breathed he was starting to feel a lot better. One of the nurses, tall and dark-haired, seemed to have taken a shine to him and she was just running her hands across his ribcage to check for cracked ribs when Fraser appeared at his side. Ray saw the flash of anger in the man's eyes, gone in an instant and he repressed a smile, the Mountie really did care for him after all. "How are you feeling?" Fraser ignored the nurse and stepped closer to Ray. "Better, a lot better. Have you spoken to Welsh yet?" "The Lieutenant wants you to take the rest of the day off." Ray groaned, "come off it Fraser, it's not like I'm badly hurt." The nurse chose that moment to butt in. "You've been very badly beaten Detective, you've yet to go into shock and there could be other injuries as well." She picked up Ray's chart and made a note, "I'll think I'll order an x-ray." "Whoa!" Kowalski's hand shot out and grabbed the nurse's wrist. "No x-rays okay. I don't want you turning me into some kind of freaky monster with all that radiation." The nurse looked thoughtful, "the chances of you mutating as a result of an x-ray are relatively tiny." "Relatively?" Ray looked about ready to jump off the gurney and Fraser put a calming hand on his shoulder. "I believe she's teasing you Ray." "I knew that," Kowalski claimed.
The nurse smiled and turned away, "I won't be long." "You take your time." Ray shouted after her, then he looked at Fraser with despair, "tell me why I'm still here." "For your own good." Fraser's eyes were sparkling and Kowalski glowered at him.

Over at the doctors' station several pairs of eyes were watching the cop and the Mountie with interest. "Vecchio's not at all bad looking," one nurse commented.
"I love Italians," another one chipped in. "He's as Italian as I am," a tall thin doctor with glasses spoke up, "and he's gay." "Oh no," the dark-haired nurse vehemently denied his words, "there's no way he's gay." "Look at the body language, those two are a couple."
"Maybe not quite a couple," a doctor whose dark hair was lightly flecked with grey commented. "Look how they're keeping a deliberate distance from each other." "What are you saying Doug? That they're a couple but not a couple?" "There's definitely some electricity there."

The sparks might have been flying off the walls for all Ray cared, all too aware of the loaded looks he was getting from Fraser. Dammit he's just being a concerned friend, at least that's how everyone else will see it, so why can't you? Kowalski couldn't because of what had happened that morning when Fraser had told Ray that he loved him and Ray had... well I might as well have slapped him in the face. Fraser had gone momentarily at least to get Ray a coffee and taking advantage of the moment Kowalski swung his legs off the gurney. He was by no means the most badly hurt patient in the ER and as such no one was taking any real notice of him. Hopping on one leg he pulled his boots on and grabbed his jacket, his gun had been left behind in the shop and he hoped that Huey had picked it up, he didn't really want all the paperwork that went along with a missing gun. Fraser I'm not hurt, I'm leaving, look I feel fine, Ray tried the words out in his head but somehow he doubted they would convince the Mountie and so he hurried towards the exit, head down and looking, he belatedly realised, decidedly shifty. He had reached the doors and was just about to pull them open when he heard a low warning growl. Diefenbaker. "Hey Dief," Ray reached down to pet the wolf, "nice dog," another growl. Kowalski was just about to try inching his way past Dief, surely Fraser's dog wouldn't hurt him, when he heard a voice calling, "Ray.. Ray." The man groaned and made a sudden dash for the doors but the next thing he knew he was flat on his back on the floor, Diefenbaker snarling at his throat. "Fraser!" Ray was too concerned about Dief's jaws near his jugular to worry about the fact that he had become the centre of attention. "Dief down." The crowd gasped as Fraser closed his hand over the wolf's muzzle and stared him straight in the eyes. "Must be some weird Canuck magic," a voice from the crowd was heard to say. Fraser made the decision that discretation was most definitely the better part of valour. "I think it's about time we left." "Now you're talking my kind of language," Ray approved.
"Your kind of language?" Fraser questioned as he held open the door for Diefenbaker. "Your language is, as is mine, English and while I admit that there are some cultural differences, pronunciation, use of slang.." "All right Frase, cut the lecture, it was just an expression." "Ah."
"You know you amaze me sometimes Fraser," Ray commented as he climbed into the GTO, "you come across as being naive and all when in reality you're one of the most clued up guys I know." "Actually Ray.." "One of the most clued up," Ray continued, ignoring Fraser's interruption, "and definitely one of the most attractive." Silence. For once the Mountie was lost for words and Ray might have enjoyed that fact were he not feeling terribly afraid. "Cos you know," Ray started the engine, all the while babbling like some kid on a first date, "I've always thought so. The dark hair, the broad Mountie shoulders. You've been a good friend to me Fraser and I'm not just saying that cos of this morning, I'm saying it because it's true. I don't know how you do it but when you're around everything else is just background." "Ray.." "Don't interrupt me Frase, I'm on a roll here, I.." "Ray!" The note of warning jerked Kowalski back into reality and he had just enough time to slam on the brakes before the GTO collided with a very solid-looking brick wall. "Where are we?" "Downtown Chicago I believe. You know you really should be one hundred percent focused on the road whilst driving." "You're very distracting Fraser." A wave of fear swept Ray and his hands tightened their grip on the steering wheel. It was now or never. "No more lectures," Kowalski insisted as he lunged forward and kissed the Mountie on the lips. "Understood." Fraser had barely had time to register the fact that the kiss was real let alone to respond to it but he could still feel the warm imprint of Ray's lips on his own. "Thank you," the words of sentiment were desperately inadequate but Fraser couldn't think of anything else to say. "Don't thank me yet Frase, you have no idea what you're getting into." "I think I do Ray," Fraser's eyes were shining and he looked so happy that Ray groaned and pulled himself back. "We need to take this slowly," Ray enunciated the words clearly and Fraser caught his breath when he saw the look in the man's eyes. "Understood." But Fraser had to return that kiss. He moved towards Ray carefully, not wanting to startle the man and placed his lips on Ray's, he hadn't expected a response but he got one, parted lips allowed Fraser's tongue entry and Fraser lent into the kiss, willing the wiry body quivering next to his to relax, but if anything Ray became more tense. His response to Fraser's lips on his own was scaring him, he could feel his body responding but broke the contact anyway. "Let's get a pizza," Ray suggested, avoiding Fraser's gaze, "we can go back to my apartment and.." he stopped when he realised that his words could be misconstrued. "Let's go back to the 27th." "Lieutenant Welsh said.." "I don't care what Welsh said. We've got a case to solve." "Whatever you say Ray."
"Thank you Fraser," Kowalski paused, ignoring the kiss wouldn't make it go away, "we'll talk about this later okay?" "Whenever you feel comfortable with it."
Kowalski almost groaned, why did the Mountie have to be so damn reasonable all the time?

"I thought I said take the day off," Welsh's indignant roar managed to distract Ray from wondering why the Mountie was walking so close, like some kind of guard dog, he thought irritably, as he noticed Diefenbaker padding along on the other side. "Yes sir," Kowalski faced a bristling Welsh, "but we've got a case.." "Huey and Duey are on it," Welsh told him, "you're personally involved." "Sir.." "No arguments Vecchio."
"No sir."
"A word please Fraser." Lieutenant Welsh ushered the man into his office and then turned to face him, arms folded across his chest. "What's going on Constable?" The memory of his lips locked against Ray's flashed guiltily across his mind. "I'm afraid I'm not quite sure what you mean." "There's something bothering Vecchio, hell I think there's something bothering both of you. You walked into that set-up today without a second thought and when cops report for work covered in bruises people start asking questions." "Things have been a little fraught lately," the Mountie admitted, "perhaps a holiday.." "Great idea Constable, now get Vecchio out of here." "You've got five minutes to get out of here Detective," Welsh yelled past Fraser and Ray looked up at the Mountie with accusation in his eyes. "All right Fraser," Ray gathered up an armful of papers and jerked his head towards the door, "let's go." "And Vecchio," Welsh's voice brought the two friends to a halt, "I don't want to see your ugly mug in here for at least a week or I'll have you arrested." Ray didn't answer, simply walked out of the district with his chin pointing at the ground, he climbed moodily into his car and started the engine, even before Fraser and Diefenbaker had climbed in. "Is something wrong Ray?" Kowalski twisted in his seat to look at his friend, "you really are terribly naive sometimes Fraser." Then Ray swooped forward, his lips hard and demanding and Fraser almost quailed under the assault. "Ray." But Kowalski silenced the protest with another kiss not caring that someone might see them. "Ray." His name was like a caress but when Fraser started to push his hands up underneath Ray's t-shirt the man pulled away. "So are we going on holiday?" He smiled, trying to soften the rejection a little. "Where do you want to go?"
"The bank," Ray suggested, "I need some money." "There's an atm across the street."
"Yeah I know, it ate my card," Ray grimaced. "Oh." Fraser smiled as Ray pulled out into the traffic, "Ray I.." "Don't say it Frase. I'm having enough problems with this okay?" "Yes," Fraser frowned, "it's to do with the thing you mentioned this morning isn't it?" "Yeah."
"Are you going to tell me about it?"
"No Fraser. I told you I'm not going to let my past come between us like it did between me and Stella." "So it's something that happened to you a long time ago?"
"Stop digging Fraser, I'm not gonna tell you." "Understood."
Pulling into the carpark Kowalski growled out, "I'll be five minutes." He raced through the bank doors, suddenly eager to get away from Fraser and never the most patient of people he fidgeted in the queue, what the hell was taking so long? "I'm afraid we can't access your account sir." "What?" Kowalski's reaction was as explosive as always. "Why not?" "Insufficient funds," the bank clerk looked so smug that Kowalski had to resist the urge to hit him. "Insufficient funds? I just got paid!" Blue eyes sparked with anger and the clerk moved back from his desk. "You could see the manager." "Great idea, where's his office?" "Top floor."
"That figures," Ray groaned. He didn't wait for the clerk to say anything else just turned and raced towards the stairs. "I'm afraid there's someone in there," a secretary informed him, "if you'd like to take a seat." Kowalski shot her a look of pure contempt and began to pace up and down the plush carpet. I hope I wear holes in it he thought savagely.

Downstairs Fraser had entered the bank, Ray's five minutes were up but he couldn't see the detective anywhere. "Excuse me ma'am," the bank clerk blushed, "you haven't seen a blonde spiky-haired young man have you? About so tall and probably scowling?" She nodded, simpered and said, "he went up to see the manager."
"Thank you kindly."

There was a sudden commotion from inside the manager's office and Ray smiled grimly, perhaps someone else was having trouble accessing their account. The office door swung open and Ray groped instinctively for his gun, which of course wasn't there, as a burly man, sawn-off shotgun in hand, emerged from the office, clutching the bank manager to him. He stared in surprise at Kowalski, "hands up! Now you," he told the bank manager, "are going to open the vault for me." "Ray?" The voice was getting louder, dammit that was Fraser.
The thug had heard the call as well and he turned his gun towards the doors as Fraser bounded through them. Almost in a dream Kowalski saw the finger on the trigger tighten and without thinking he threw himself in front of Fraser. "Ray!" The voice sounded like it was coming down a long tunnel and there was an explosion of pain in his side, was this what dying was like? When he opened his eyes he could see Fraser's face, "he got you too huh?" "You've been shot," Fraser's tone was faintly reproving. "I saved your life!" Kowalski, despite the pain, was jubilant. "I saved your life!" "And tried to get yourself killed in the process." "Well that's gratitude." Kowalski looked up sharply, was Fraser actually choking back tears. "Hey I'm not badly hurt," Ray tried to pull himself upright to prove his statement but stopped when a stab of pain shot through his body. "You've been shot in the side." "Where's the shooter?"
"He took off down the stairs."
"You didn't go after him?"
"Ray you're hurt," Fraser started to rip his plaid shirt into makeshift bandages. "I can't leave you." Ray clenched his teeth in pain as Fraser started to peel his bloody t-shirt away from the torn flesh. "I'm not going to die Frase." "No Ray of course you're not." There was a tremor in Fraser's voice and Ray winced as the Mountie's fingers began exploring his wound. "What are you doing?"
"Got to stop the bleeding," Fraser muttered, "then we can get you out of here." "I hate elevators Fraser."
"There's no other way down."
"Great." Ray gasped as Fraser lifted him in his arms and carried him into the elevator, the slow glide down began but then the metal box shook violently and stopped moving. "Ah."
"No Frase, no ahs and definitely no intrestings." "I believe we're stuck Ray."
From his position sprawled on the floor Kowalski squinted up at the Mountie, the expression on Fraser's face frightened him, for once the man looked scared. "You can call for help right? I mean they've got an intercom thingy?" "That seems to be broken as well." Fraser crouched down beside Ray and put a hand on his forehead. "I'm afraid we could be stuck here for a while." "That's fine Frase," Ray closed his eyes, "it's cold in here," he murmured plaintively. "You're going into shock," Fraser pulled his overcoat off and draped it across Ray, then he sank down onto the floor and pulled Ray's head onto his lap, gentle hands began to stroke Ray's hair and Kowalski's eyes fluttered closed. "You can't go to sleep." Kowalski barely notice Fraser''s command, "I've been shot, I think I'm entitled to some shut eye." "I want you to talk to me Ray." Indignantly Kowalski tried to pull away but a terrible heaviness was spreading through his body and he couldn't move. "What do you want to talk about?" Kowalski fought to keep the panic out of his voice, he didn't notice that Fraser was now clad only in his jeans and undershirt, didn't realise that his friend had sacrificed his own comfort for him. "Ray.." Through the mist Kowalski could hear the pleading in Fraser's voice and knew what he was about to suggest. "No, this isn't the time." Fraser didn't say anything else and Ray groaned. "Fine have it your way." He struggled to take a breath and stared straight up into Fraser's blue eyes, if he was going to tell his friend this thing he wanted to know exactly at what point Fraser was going to leave him. "I was fourteen," Ray barely recognised the raw and bitter voice as his own, the last time he had spoken about this Stella had turned away from him and that had been the beginning of the end for their relationship. "My best friend at school was gay and because he was everyone assumed I was too. The older kids hounded me mercilessly and everytime I denied it they just believed it even more." "But you're not gay?" "The whole sexuality issue is very clouded Frase. There was Stella and I loved her so much it hurt and then... then there's you." Ray choked back his fear. "Fraser I can't feel my legs anymore." "Go on with your story Ray, you're going to be fine."
"One night I'd stayed at school late and I was walking home in the dark when five guys jumped me. I thought they were going to kill me, it probably would have been better for me if they had." "Ray!" "I'm cold Ben. Anyway," Ray sounded half-asleep, "they beat me up, they raped me, they.. I've been having nightmares about it ever since." Ray looked up imploringly at Fraser, "I guess you can't wait to get away from me now." "No Ray," Fraser's hands were on his arms, trying to rub the chill out of them, "it wasn't your fault." "You don't hate me?" The cop sounded genuinely surprised.
"No. I wish I'd known before."
Ray tried to smile, "what's this on my fingers?" "It's blood, your blood." Fraser gently lowered Ray's head onto the floor of the elevator and stood up. "Don't leave me Fraser!" It was the wail of a frightened child and the Mountie's eyes widened with concern. The emergency intercom chose that moment to crackle into life and Fraser breathed a sigh of relief, perhaps now someone would come to help them. "Hello?"
"You stuck in the elevator?"
"It would appear so."
"Well just you hang on, we're doing our best but things are kinda hectic at the moment. What's your name?" "Constable Benton Fraser, Royal Canadian Mounted Police."
"A mountie? Very cool."
"There's another man with me. Detective Ray Vecchio." "There are a lot of cops here."
"I don't think you understand. Detective Vecchio is in the elevator with me. He's been shot, it is imperative that I get him to hospital as soon as possible." "We'll do our best," the voice said and then the intercom went dead. "Frase," Ray croaked, "I just wanted to say that, well that I'm sorry." "For what?"
"For being so touchy, for not trusting you, for hurting you." "Ray," Fraser knelt down by his friend's side, "there's nothing to be sorry for. You trust me now don't you?" Ray grimaced as a new pain started throbbing in his side. "Of course." "We're friends?" "For life."
"You told me something that you feared would drive me away but I'm still here." "There's nowhere else to go."
"I just need to know one thing," the Mountie sounded so uncertain that Ray wanted to reach out and take his hand but he couldn't seem to move his arms. "Do you Stanley Raymond Kowalski love me?" Ray didn't notice Fraser's use of his real name at that moment but he nodded, "you know I love you Ben. I've never loved anyone more, Jeez not even Stella," Ray started to laugh, it hurt but he couldn't stop. "What's so funny?" "It's just that here I am dying and it's only now I realise that I'm over Stella." "You're not going to die." "I'm not?"
"I won't let you." The conviction in Fraser's voice was almost frightening. Kowalski could feel his eyes beginning to close and he gasped out in fear, "sing to me Fraser." The Mountie, one hand supporting Ray's head, the other pressed flat against the wound began to sing softly. The words made no sense to Ray but the sound soothed him and little by little he began to let go of his fear. Even when the elevator began moving again Fraser continued to sing and that was how they saw them when the doors ground open, a semi-clad Fraser singing an Innuit love-song to the blonde almost-unconscious cop. "Vecchio!" Lieutenant Welsh was the first to speak.
"Make way please," a team of paramedics were pushing their way through the crowd. "He's been shot in the left side," Fraser informed them calmly as they clustered around Ray, "and has lost a considerable amount of blood." The medics started to lift Ray onto the gurney and he cried out, "don't leave me Frase." "May I travel in the ambulance?" The Mountie asked politely, a curt nod, "thank you kindly." "Francesca go with them," Lieutenant Welsh grunted, "I'll send Huey along to get a statement about what happened later." "Understood sir," Fraser started to follow the medics but then he slowed and turned, "sir did you catch the man who shot Ray?" "Yeah we got him Fraser."
"Good." Fraser paused, concerned that his tone might have given away a little more than he'd intended. "Sir what I meant.." "Just go to the hospital Fraser and make sure Vecchio's okay." "Yes sir."

The journey to the hospital was a nightmare, Fraser's head filled with the sirens and the relentless beep of the machine monitoring Ray's heart and all Fraser could think was - if he dies it'll be my fault. "Nonsense son," Fraser Sr leaned over Kowalski, "he didn't have to throw himself in front of that bullet." "Dad!" Fraser hissed all too aware of the hovering medic and Francesca. "Well really son, it's bad enough that you have to play the hero all the time without your young friend starting." "I don't play the hero."
"Oh yes you do son. In that bank if the positions had been reversed what would you have done?" "That's beside the point." "Is it?" Fraser Sr smiled, "you know I was exactly the same with your mother." "Exactly the same as what?"
"As you and the Yank. I was always protective of her." "Dad.."
"Oh I know son, I couldn't protect her when it came to the crunch, though I tried." "Are you saying I can't protect Ray?" "What I'm saying is that if he dies you mustn't blame yourself. Life goes on. Not for me of course but then I'm dead!" Fraser put his head in his hands. "Go away Dad."
"Did you say something Ben?" Francesca asked through a mouthful of gum.

Finally they arrived at the hospital and Fraser helped the medics lift Ray down from the ambulance. "Don't leave me Fraser." "I'm with you Ray," the Mountie took the man's cold fingers, "there's nothing to be scared of." "We'll take it from here sir," a doctor was pushing the gurney away and Ray yelled out. "Fraser!" "I want to stay with him, please he's my friend." A nurse took pity on him, "you can go with him as far as theatre." "Thank you kindly ma'am."
"Benton he is going to be all right isn't he?" Fraser answered Francesca's question with a certainty he was far from feeling, "he's going to be fine."

Hours seemed to go by, although when Fraser looked at his watch he found that only an hour and a half had in fact crawled by since the doctors had wheeled Ray into the operating theatre. "Please let him be all right," he muttered the words over and over again as though he could save Ray's life by willpower alone. Francesca and Detective Jack Huey sitting across the room exchanged glances, their concern as much for Fraser as for Ray. The Mountie had given Huey a clear and concise statement about what had transpired in the bank but he seemed distracted, more than simply the worry for a friend. His usually immaculately groomed hair was standing on end and his forehead was creased with worry. "Benton?" He could hear Francesca's voice but he couldn't focus on her and he shook his head, dismissing her and he didn't see the doctor who spoke to Huey in hushed tones. "Fraser," the detective had to say the man's name twice before he got a response. "I beg your pardon." "The doc says Ray's out of theatre," blue eyes filled with hope, "he's gonna be fine Fraser." "Can I see him?" Huey shook his head, "he's not awake yet." "I want to sit with him," Fraser bounced to his feet, "I'll go and ask the nurse." "I'm afraid not," he was told, "in situations like this we only let family sit with the patients." "Understood." Fraser's voice was as usual perfectly calm and reasonable but there was a hint of desperation in his eyes. Francesca stood up, "I'm Ray's sister." "Well then you're quite welcome to sit with him." "Well here's the thing," Francesca smoothed her hair back behind her ears, "Ray and I well we had a big fight and I just don't think he'll want to see me. Benton on the other hand is his best friend, so you see.." The nurse sighed in mild irritation and gave in. "Fine. He's second door on the left." "Thank you kindly." Fraser smiled at the nurse and gave Francesca a peck on the cheek before hurrying off to Ray.

The cop looked so vulnerable lying unconscious in the hospital bed and Fraser ran a hand over the man's forehead, frowning slightly at his raised temperature. "Oh Ray, I'm so sorry." Fraser put his head in his hands and his broad shoulders began to shake as salt tears flooded his eyes. "Chin up son, he's going to live."
"I almost lost him Dad," Fraser's voice was full of pain and he didn't look up. "I couldn't bear it if anything happened to him." "You can't protect him," Fraser Sr pointed out harshly. "He's a policeman, he risks death every day." "I know," Fraser raised water-logged blue eyes, "I know."
"It's a risk he accepts, the same one you accepted when you put on the uniform." "Dad.."
"All you can do son is make the most of every moment you have together. Don't hold back." "Why are you being so understanding about this?" "I'm your father, I want you to be happy and the Yank makes you happy." Fraser looked up to say thank you but his father was gone. He sank back into his chair and found he couldn't take his eyes off Ray's face. One hand reached out to smooth back the blonde hair and Fraser could feel more tears prickling behind his eyes, he raised a hand and pinched the bridge of his nose, he mustn't cry, it wouldn't help Ray if he broke down. An hour or more crawled by, Fraser barely noticed that Francesca and Huey were now hanging around in the corridor. "Fraser.." the weak voice hardly registered. "Frase.."
Ray was struggling to sit up in the bed and Fraser put strong hands on the man's squirming shoulders, holding him down. "I really think it would be best if you lay still."
"Do you know how long I've got to stay here?" Ray asked angrily. "It won't be that bad," Fraser assured him, "the care's excellent, the food's," he paused, "well it's edible and the nurses are pretty." Ray grabbed Fraser's forearm with a hand that was horribly weak, "as if I care what the nurses look like." Two pairs of blue eyes met but the moment was interrupted by Huey who had decided that now was a good time to take Ray's statement. Francesca burst into the room behind him and promptly burst into tears. "Thank you Fran," Ray teased, "I'm sorry I didn't die." "Brothers!" Fran rolled her eyes and came forward to give Ray a warm hug but she was still crying. "She's had a tough day," Fraser said quietly, "I'll take her home." "I could do with the sleep anyway." Ray grinned, it was a little strained at the edges and Fraser put a comforting hand on the man's shoulders. "I'll be back soon," he promised before guiding Francesca out of the room. Huey only stayed long enough to take a statement and then he too left and Ray tried to sleep. He wasn't entirely successful and the little sleep he did achieve was haunted by nightmares. Nightmares in which he found himself back in the bank but this time it was Fraser who got shot, Fraser who died in his arms. The feeling of desolation he felt after waking was so immense that he didn't dare go back to sleep and that was how Fraser found him when he arrived back at the hospital, eyes desperately staring at the ceiling, hands clenched into fists. "Ray." No response. "Ray.. Ray.. Ray."
"Go away Fraser."
"No I won't, you need me."
"Do I? What about you Fraser? Do you need me?" Ray's eyes never left the ceiling and his voice was full of bitterness. "Yes I need you," Fraser titled his head to one side. "What's wrong Ray? Has something happened?" "I had a dream," Ray finally looked at his friend. "That's quite a common occurrence when one is asleep." "I dreamt we were in that bank, the guy pulled his gun and you died." Fraser moved forward then, sinking down onto the edge of the bed and gathering Ray into his arms. "It's all right," he crooned, "I'm alive, you saved my life." Ray's arms were wrapped around Fraser, his fingers digging heedlessly into the Mountie's back. "Ray I'm fine, you're fine." Fraser went on murmuring reassurances until the body in his arms stopped quivering. "With you around Fraser I actually am." A small frown puckered Fraser's mouth as his father's words came back to him. "All you can do son is make the most of every moment you have together." No, it was too soon, he didn't want to scare the younger man away. "Fraser?"
"Carpe diem son," Fraser could hear his father's voice. "Carpe diem."
"Come again?"
"It's Latin Ray. It means seize the day." "Oh. What does that mean?"
"It means.. it means," Fraser couldn't say the words that would seal his fate. "Fraser?"
"It means I think we should move in together," the words came out in a rush, fighting to escape Fraser's lips before he could think about what he was saying. "Move in together?" Ray's voice shook. "You mean share an apartment?" "Yes," Fraser couldn't say anymore, couldn't look Ray in the eyes, too scared that he would be rejected. "Well we can't live in your apartment."
"I beg your pardon," Fraser hadn't been listening. "It's too small," Ray rambled on, "and the neighbourhood.." Hope dawned on the Mountie's face when he realised what Ray meant. "Ray.. what are you saying?"
"I'm saying yes Fraser. Yes I'll move in with you." The look of joy on Fraser's face was indescribable and Ray smiled at him, pleased that he had made his friend so happy.

Kowalski ended up having to spend two weeks in hospital, Fraser visited him every day with Francesca who hovered anxiously around him until he wanted to tell her to go home. In all that time the two friends never made any mention of how they felt or didn't feel about each other or the decision they had made. "I won't be sorry to leave this place," Ray grumbled as he threw various items into a bag. "Did you bring my car Fraser?" "Yes," the Mountie was standing just outside the room, twisting his Stetson in nervous hands. "Good. I can't wait to get back behind the wheel."
Fraser smiled, Ray was sounding more like his old self again, he hadn't realised how much he'd missed it. "So what was the Ice Queen's reaction?" Ray asked as he guided the GTO out onto the road. "To what Ray?" "To your change of address."
"Oh. I think she mumbled something about at least I'd be living in a decent neighbourhood." Ray grinned, "now all we've got to do is tell Francesca and Welsh."

"You're what?" Ray tried not to wince at Francesca's tone. "Why? What's wrong with your apartment Fraser?" Fraser smiled at her, completely at a loss for an answer.
"Dry rot," Ray put in, suddenly inspired. "Yes," Fraser's smile was broad, "dry rot, it's in all the floorboards." "If it's really that bad why don't you stay with me? Ma won't mind." "Thank you Francesca that's a very generous offer but.." "You know how it is Fran, two bachelors hanging out," Ray interrupted. She didn't look very happy about it but at least she didn't say anymore.

"Ray," the two men were in his car, "are you sure about this?" The cop looked directly into Fraser's troubled blue eyes, "yes." Then he leant forwards, his hands moving in to cup the other man's face while he kissed him. A week had passed since Ray's release from hospital and in all that time he and Fraser had only got as far as this. Things had got a little heated from time to time but Ray had always pulled back, still too scared to let things go any further. Diefenbaker interrupted the kiss with a bark and Ray laughed, "I suppose it's time we introduced Dief to his new home." It was awkward, Ray thought as he turned that car away from Fraser's apartment, he was scared but didn't know how to tell the Mountie without making it sound like a rejection. It had taken barely half an hour to collect and pack Fraser's few belongings. The austerity of his friend's life had shocked him it was as though Fraser had never really settled in Chicago, had always been on the verge of moving on but he'll stay now because of me, the thought was warming. They stopped off and got Chinese take-out and beers to celebrate their moving in together with. Fraser, Ray knew, wouldn't touch them but I'm going to need all the Dutch courage I can get, he told himself. "Hello Mrs Carmichael," Fraser greeted one of the neighbours cordially and Ray frowned, how the hell did he learn their names so quickly? "Well here we are, home sweet home," Ray avoided his friend's eyes, knowing the Canadian had heard the tremor in his voice. "Ray," Fraser put the take-out down on a low table and turned to the man, "are you sure about this?" In answer Ray lunged forward, capturing the Mountie's mouth with his own. The kiss was breathtaking and Fraser returned it with single-minded passion. "The food'll be getting cold," Ray broke off abruptly and he couldn't help but see the confusion in Fraser's eyes. "We can talk as we eat," he offered, feeling guilty as he disappeared into the kitchen to fetch a couple of plates. "If you tell me you're not ready for this," Fraser said, "I will understand." "I know you will and that makes it harder."
"How can it make things harder?" Fraser was completely confused now, he often had trouble figuring out how his partner's mind worked and he was totally at a loss this time. "It just does okay, I can't explain it."
"You trusted me enough to tell me about your rape," Fraser almost sounded hurt. "Yeah I did but I've still got a lot of issues to deal with," Ray paused, wondering how much he should explain. "Being intimate with a man isn't easy, even when it's you." "Oh." "Every time you touch me Fraser all I can think of is those guys, I hear their voices, I see.." The Mountie stopped him, "why did you agree to this Ray?"
"I love you," Kowalski responded simply, "you're the only one who can drive the demons away." Fraser nodded and turned his attention to his food, he didn't look up when Kowalski opened a beer or when the man, unable to cope with the chopsticks, got up to fetch a fork. "I've upset you haven't I?" Ray asked in a small voice as he emerged from the kitchen. Fraser put his plate down and strode across to the man, hands on his friend's shoulders he looked deep into his eyes. "I'm not upset. I'm concerned about you," Diefenbaker broke away from finishing off Fraser's food to add his own small wuff to the conversation. "What'd he say?" "He's worried about you too."
Ray opened another beer and took a swig, followed by another, then another. "Ray.. Ray.." Fraser snatched the bottle from him before he could completely drain it and when the man reached out for another Fraser's hand closed over his. "I think you've had enough." "You do huh?" Ray sank down onto the edge of his couch and began to cry. "Ray!" Fraser dropped to his knees, shocked by the sobbing detective in front of him. "I'm sorry, so sorry," he murmured over and over again until the Mountie grabbed his face, forcing Ray to look at him. "You've got nothing to be sorry for. Nothing."
Ray's only response was to reach forward for a greedy kiss, his hands swooped across Fraser's chest, pulling at the man's shirt, not caring as the buttons popped off, hardly noticing the Mountie's gasp as his cold hands made contact with soft warm flesh. With his tongue thrust deep into Fraser's mouth Ray rolled them both off the couch and then blind hands began to struggle with the fastenings on Fraser's jeans. The Mountie pushed them away but they crept back and Fraser had to push them away again. "No!"
Ray broke off his plundering of Fraser's mouth in confusion. "I thought this is what you wanted." "Not like this," Fraser captured the man's hands. "I don't want this to be just a cheap.." Fraser searched for the right word. "Fuck?" Ray suggested with a faint smile. "Sexual experience. It has to be right for both of us." Ray was nodding slowly, "all right I'm convinced." He didn't say anything else and the Mountie found his eyes wandering over to his belongings stacked in a corner of the apartment, his bed roll was on top. "Perhaps it would be best if I sleapt out here tonight." "You don't want to sleep with me?" Ray looked confused and upset, even his spiky blonde hair seemed dispirited. "Ray.." "What was it you said Frase? Carpey day-em?" "Carpe diem," he corrected absentmindedly. "Yeah that. Isn't that what this was all about? Seizing the day?" "I'm just not sure you're ready for this," Fraser said, "I don't want to hurt you." "You won't," Ray's blue eyes pleaded with his friend to understand, not to turn away from him as so many others had done in the past. The Mountie put an arm around Ray's slender shoulders, drawing him close and then kissing him with a tenderness that made tears leap to the eyes of the street-wise Chicago cop. No one had ever kissed him like that before, not even Stella and God knows they'd had their share of tender moments but Ray pushed away the thought of his ex-wife, why waste time thinking about her when he should be enjoying the feel of the Mountie's warm lips on his own. Fraser tasted like apples, clean and wholesome, the taste of the country and Ray couldn't get enough of him. Eventually however Fraser pushed himself away and went to retrieve his bed roll. "You're going to sleep in here?" Ray sounded hurt. "It's for Diefenbaker," the Mountie explained as he unrolled it. "He's taken to sleeping on my bed lately but I think you and I need some privacy tonight." Fraser held out his hand and Ray took it eagerly, his eyes shining and then the two men walked into the bedroom, taking care to close the door behind them.

Ray came awake with a start, it was still dark outside and he ran sleepy fingers through his mussed-up blonde hair, he had the strongest feeling that he had forgotten something, something important. A movement next to him caught his attention and momentarily he froze. Was that Stella next to him? No it couldn't be, the head resting on the pillow next to his was dark and then he remembered. The memory was the sweetest thing he had ever experienced and he savoured it, lying there in the dark next to the warm body of his.. I guess he's my boyfriend Ray realised with a smile. Still smiling Ray climbed out of the bed and padded across to the door. He was about to open it when he remembered that Diefenbaker was in the next room and he pulled on a pair of boxers. The wolf looked up with a small whine as if to ask why he was being disturbed so early. "I hope you approve." Ray murmured as he started to clear discarded plates and take-out boxes into the kitchen. He ran the water and cast his mind back on the night's love-making. It had been intense, Fraser was so gentle, so considerate and when Ray had pulled back, unable to go that one step further the Mountie had said he understood and he'd meant it, it was there in his eyes and that look was something Ray knew he would never forget. Gentle hands slid around Ray's waist and he leant back against the broad solidity that was Fraser. "Don't ever leave me," he wasn't sure if he had even spoken the words out loud but he must have done because Fraser murmured back. "I won't."

Days turned into weeks and weeks into months and Fraser and Ray fell more deeply in love every day. Huey and Duey pursued Veronica Lake but were unable to find anyone willing to testify against her. The bank robber was tried and sentenced for attempted murder and everyone wondered at the grim smile of satisfaction on Fraser's face the next day. The two men tried to keep their relationship a secret and it wasn't actually that hard. Vecchio and the Mountie had always spent a lot of time in each other's company. Welsh however did notice a difference and so one day he called Ray into his office. "Vecchio, a word." "What's up Lieutenant?"
"Close the door please." Ray pushed it shut with one foot and then perched himself on the edge of a chair. Welsh looked at the young man and almost smiled, although Ray wasn't dressing any more smartly these days the edge of tension had gone from his demeanour. He seemed calmer, more settled, no longer swaggering about as though he had something to prove to the world. Well, he might as well get straight to the point. "What's going on between you and Big Red?"
"Lieutenant?"
"Don't play the innocent with me Vecchio. I've seen the looks you've been exchanging lately." Ray tried hard not to look guilty and failed miserably.
"He's still staying with you?"
Ray nodded, "dry.."
"Rot, so Francesca told me." Welsh added dryly, "I've heard that it can take months to clear." Ray smiled uncertainly, "sir I.." "No," Welsh raised a hand, "I don't want to know Vecchio, your private life is exactly that, private but you would do well to remember that there are a lot of people in the world who aren't as understanding as me and Francesca." Francesca? Frannie knew? "Yes sir," the import of Welsh's words barely registered, Ray was too busy trying to figure out how Fran could have found out about him and Fraser. "Vecchio," Welsh's eyes were full of compassion, "good luck, I hope you and Fraser make each other very happy." "Thank you sir." The next evening was their anniversary and for once Ray had managed to get off work early and he went to meet Fraser at the consulate. "Detective Vecchio." There was intense dislike in the Ice Queen's voice and Ray grinned, nothing could spoil his good mood today. "Frase around?" "He's debriefing Turnbull." Thatcher looked hard at Ray. "I understand you two are going out for dinner tonight." "Yeah," Kowalski stuck his chin out defiantly, "it's a cop thing, a stag party." "Really?" Thatcher's eyebrows arched upwards. "Constable Fraser told me it was a retirement party." "Well yeah," Ray improvised, "guy's retiring and getting married. Kinda nice don't you think." "Is that why Fraser's been on edge all day?" "Don't ask me, I'm just his best friend," it was so odd saying those words, Ray hadn't thought of Fraser as just his best friend for a long time now. "Well I hope you enjoy yourselves." Fraser appeared then and the two men practically ran to the car, once inside they clasped hands briefly before driving away. Dinner had been eaten, the bill had been paid and Ray leant forward and whispered something that made Fraser's eyes widen in surprise. "Are you sure?" Ray nodded. But when it came to the moment later that evening with Fraser slick and warm behind him Ray froze. Instead of Fraser's warm words all he could hear were mocking words and laughter and instead of gentle fingers tracing lightly across his skin he felt brutal hands holding him down, forcing him.. "No. No!" He was screaming and shaking uncontrollably and Fraser gathered him into his arms. "I'm sorry," now the terror had receded he was sobbing. "It's all right Ray. I won't hurt you, I'm not upset. You're not ready for this yet." "I wanted to be," Ray protested clenching his fists and pushing himself away. "I wanted to show you how much I love you." Fraser smiled. "I know Ray, I know how you feel about me, can see it in your eyes, hear it in your voice." "It's not enough." "It is for me," Fraser put his arms around Ray and held the shuddering body, trying to impart some of his own tranquillity to the shivering limbs. He held Ray until the man stopped shaking and then they fell asleep in each other's arms.

The night sky was lightening as a taxi cab drew up outside Ray's apartment block. A tall slender figure climbed out of the interior and stood looking upwards for a moment, then he walked round to the front door and let himself in. The elevators had been turned off for the night and he climbed the stairs to the fifth floor, the exertion leaving him barely breathless. He could see the door, his destination. Number fifty-two, the number glinted dully and the man removed a key from the breast pocket of his well-cut suit.

The End

The story continues in Return of the Prodigal.

All comments welcome - ltb25@yahoo.com